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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 11, 1902)
1 and rich in appearance. . The hats ■ trimmed with red or white currants ami the green aud white gixiseberriex i are also pretty, but when it comes to He S»UUK lhe l.uutrrn. hats made of bananas, |ieaciiex, apples A southern senator was at one time or plums, Polly thinks that in going too counsel for a small railroad. At a far entirely, and 1 imagine that the point on the line where It croeaed a •'I'm going to is- a rich man some woman who attempts to wear these prominent highway they bad an old negro watchman, whose duties consist day,” was the remark I heard a young fruit creations must lixik like freaks. I ed in warning travelers of the ap man make to a friend who was dimug haven't seen the latter, but I have been proach of trains. One night a farm with him the other day. "I hate pov told that they look top-heavy and are er's wagon was struck, causing a had erty,” he continued. “In fact, I think accident. The railroad company was I have abhorred the idea of being poor anything but attractive. They have of course sued for damages, and at the from my very cradle and from the no other trimming but the fruit. It is a fad that won’t live many seasons. trial the old darky wag the chief wit time I could go to school I com news for bis employers. He answered « « « « tl>e questions put to him in a clear, di menced saving my cents and dimes and As long as I have made this almost strived to do something to earn some rect manner. Among them was the altogether a letter of fashion liints, I query as to whether lie surely swung thing to put in the little iron bank that shall give you another in regard to his lantern across the road when he had lieen given me by a thoughtful old saw tlie train coming, to which he re unde when lie found the bent of my neckwear. High coIlan that have plied: ambition was to la- a rich man like tilted your head up or else left an un ■•’lieial I did. sah.” him, ride in my own carriage and dwell comfortable and ugly lixiking red stripe The railroad company won the suit, in my own house. He even went so around your neck tliat eventually ami the senutor took occasion later to turned an ugly brown, are going out compliment Ills witness on his excel far, in spite of hia being considered th« slowly but surely. The uew neckwear, stingiest and closest man in the village, lent testimony. The old fellow- was if collars, are low cut, but little strips profuse In thanks, but before they as to put in two bright silver half dol of embroidery with parallel edges on lars as a starter. They proved to be a purteil bluntly said: "Lordy, Murse John, I sho’ was great incentive to add on to the dollar, both sides with places for running baby skeered when dnt lawyer gin to ax me and how I did work. I carried wood ribbon or narrow black velvet are worn ’bout de lantern. I was nfeared lie and cliop|>ed kindling and got my pay over silk collars of any shade you may was goin’ to ax if it was lit or not, at tlie end of the week. Sometimes it de ire and tied in pretty Ixiws in the 'cause de oil In It done give out some was 2o cents, but usually ID cents. 1 back. The insertion that comes for run time before de axdent." planted radishes, onions and lettuce, ning wider ribbons through tlie center and supplied not only the family but have an edge of either lace or embroid The Perfect Head. ery whip}ied on. They are dressy and A perfect head, viewed from the side, tlie neighbors every morning with these falls within a perfect square, averag vegetables fresh from the garden and very pretty, but. woe betide the girl ing nine inches for a mini and H’j covered with dew. I raised rabbits, who has ruined her neck witli these inches for a woman. The width of the and cried every time I sold one of my High stiff'collars that have lieen popu face is equal to live eyes, 'l he distance pets for the table, but 1 was making lar so loug. They are in despair, for between the eyes Is equal to one eye. money. It was a day long to lie re the ugly brown marks cannot be re The size of the eye Is two-thirds that moved in a day or a week or a month, of the mouth. The length of the nose membered when one day my father and meanwhile the collars are getting tixik me to the bank and put the con is one third the length of the face. The lower ami lower uutil it is predicted ear is, at all ages, as long us two eyes. tents of my little bank in safe keeping gold piece added to it to start that at no very late day the dresses Although these are the ideal measure with a ments and are approximately adhered my bank account. It was the proudest will be finished off at the neck with to, so fond of irregularity is nature minute of my life when they handed just a simple little lace edge or ruffle, Hint rarely any face corresponds to me my bank book. Then I worked such as they used to wear in the time them. The two sides of any face are harder than ever. I spent my Satur of oiij^reat-grandmothers. “ 'Tis a never exactly alike. Strictly speaking, weli^^Keiiange," says a lady pliysi- the face extends only from the chin to days and holidays in doing errands or ciail^^^ba hen that time conies there the root of the nose. Above that point picking fruit and wild blackberries. 1 will be less throat trouble than we have is the brain case. For n well developed learned to set type in a couutry office to-day, when the throats are bundled brain the width of the head just above and received many a dollar for assisting the ears, measured with callipers, them when they were rushed. You up in season and out of season.” should he from 5H to GVi Inches, and may think that 'all work and no play »»»» the height from the opening of the ear makes Jack a dull boy,’ but in spite of “Unlucky Hue”: Ho you are in trou to the top of the crown should be ex all the little schemes I hail for earning ble again. You state that that is only actly the aatue. lu women both height and width are one Inch less than in my dunes and dollars I had my fun the natural state of affairs and rather men, women’s heads approaching the with the rest of the boys. When 1 the rule than the exception. You bor type belonging to children.- London played it was with all my might and rowed a ixxik, dainty and white as a when 1 worked it was in the same way. snowflake, the bridal gift of a friend, Magazine. I had no belter chance than the other with the result that now you are ready As Him Cliihl Suiv Him. Boys of my acquaintance, but I learned to return it, you find that it is grimy A prominent real estate man in Los the lesson sooner than they did of and soiled lixiking, and you are in de Angeles had an experience a few even lugs ago that kept him guessing for a knowing the value of a dollar and how spair. You say you cannot well pur little bit as to whether he should feel to keep it when I once got it, and I chase another on account of the name complimented or otherwise. He was at have my father to thank for it. This and sentiment inscribed on the first home with one little daughter while is the key to my success in life.” page, and you haven’t the courage to his wife and another of the children confess your carelessness, so you want were downtown. Darkness was com If every little lad and lassie in the my advice on the subject. ing on, and the little girl was anxious State would learn this lesson, it would « « « « ly watching for her mother's return. Her nervousness grew apace in aplte of be a gisxl thing. There would lie less In the first place, "Unlucky Hue,” it the father's attempts at reassurance. money spent for candy, confectionery, would have lx*eti lietter to have nevi r etc., and less for amusements, but the At length tlie little one burst into little bank account which they would borrowed the Ixxik, particularly when tears, saying: ”1 Just can't help It! I need mamma, eventually have would more than com- you knew how valuable it was to the and I must have her!” qielisate them for the sacrifice. I knew owner. In the second place, after ixir- “Do you do this way when your a wealthy man who counted his pos owing the Ixxik you should have cov mamma Is here and I'm away?” asked sessions in a good many figures, who ered it nicely and have been very care the father. ful alxiut handling it, putting it away “No, of course not,” replied the little made it a point to give his sons and where it would have been safe and not daughters so much spending money a one, “ ’cause then there's some grown left where every one, unconscious of its up person about the house!” Los An month, but he required them to keep an account of every cent they spent and value, could handle it carelessly and geles Herald. report to him before the next pay-day throw it down when they were through The River Was Froirn. came around. He had a way of borrow with it. And now I have a remedy A new theatrical story is always wel ing a certain amount from them and that will turn your despair into rejoic come. Here is one whose novelty Is paying a high rate of interest. They ing. Get five cents worth of pumice vouched for by one of our readers: had to keep track of that themselves, stone powder from your druggist, take When Miss Delavelle Rarrlugton was figure out the rate of interest, and then a soft cloth, and, dipping it into the playing Miami In “The Green Bushes" dry powder, rub the cover gently. It at the old Mary Street theater. Fork, he would settle in full. Every child he will take a little time but the result will had knew the value of a dollar, and al a ludicrous Incident occurred. Miami has to jump Into the Mississippi, hut though lie has long since passed to his amply reward you for your pains, for when Miss Barrington reached the reward, they have reaped the harvest the Ixxik will come out of this "dry rocky eminence from which she bail to of iiis determination that they should wash” as white and spotlessaayou wish. leap she saw there was no mattress all learn thoroughly his own gisxl busi below to receive her; also the ledge of ness methods, and in place of losing the BRIEF REVIEW. rock In front of the supposed river was bequests through ignorance, they have too low to conceal the actress after her Bad Air in Street Cars. leap. Miss Barrington, however, noth added to the snug sum left them by their ever careful and watchful father, While the average adult should in ing daunted, took tier leap and came down with a thud on the bare stage. and are well-to-do men and women in spire 3U6 cubic Indies of fresh air a min The situation struck a member of the this State to-day. ute, this is impossible in the street ears "gods,” for a stentorian voice called » » » » of to-day. A New York sanitary en out, "Oik be Jabers, 'tis frozen!" Lon A year ago if a lady had appeared on gineer found as much as 26.2 parts of don Chronicle. the streets with her hands covered cirboiic acid gas per 10,000 volumes of H?Nonrc?faln<‘M of ('liinrwe < ookn. with silk mils she would have looked air in the trolley ears of New York City. If there is one sphere of Euro|>ean as old-timey as you could imagine. To This is to some extent, due to insuffi domestic life in which more than an day. or rather this season, silk gloves cient Heating of the cars, the windows other, says a traveler the Chinaman and silk mits, some of them plain and being in winter necessarily tiglitly shut. finds scope for the exorcise of Ids own others in lacy effects are worn as much The cocoanut husk mats on the floors of peculiar Ingenuity, without doubt It Is In the regions dedicated to tlie pursuit as the kid gloves that have held their the cars have lieen examined, single fi of the culinary art. Here lie w ill allow own for years, the cool climate of San bers one and a half inches long, hold no obstacle to daunt him. no unfore Francisco enabling them to wear them ing from 3,000,000 to 4,000,000 bacteria. seen contingency to catch him una tlie year round, but fashion's wheel took Aud yet tills air compares favorably ware«. Should you, having ordered two another turn anil has brought silk with that found on many railroads. In chops for the dinner of yourself and gloves and mits into vogue again. the Mont t'enis tunnel the air contains your wife, suddenly, all unthinking, “Next season they are likely to have 107 parts of carbolic acid; tn cars in the bring in a friend to share your humble full sway,” says one of our glove deal-1 Mersey tunnel, in England, 26.4; in au meal, you will find the cook out of two electric car in the new Boston subway, chops has miraculously created a third era, "and they will be worn iu all 24.97; and in the Metropolitan Railway shades, from black down to the light -created It so skillfully out of odds tunnel in London, 39 4 parts per 10,000 and ends of meat deftly strung togetli shades to match your costume.” voltimes. er that only the practiced eye may ills »»* * cent the difference.-. I learned something else alxiut the Bird Surgery. x—*”------------ --s-—----------- fashion for this fall, and this is in regard Home interesting oliservations con / Beefsteak on the Gridiron. to handkerchiefs. "Put away your cerning tlie surgical treatment of the Bitting on the balcony of tlie Anglo dainty lace ones, Polly,” said one of wounds by birds were recently made by American club, Brussels, a Yankee and an Englishman spent a lazy after our lending merchants, "or else wear a .Swiss naturlist. The most interest- noon guying each other on racial and them out, for they will be back num ingexainple was tHat of a snipe, both of national foibles mid trails. The eon tier« in another year. Everything in whose legs he had unfortunately broken versatiou veered into flags. "Yours," the way of handkerchiefs is going to be by a misdirected siiot. He recovered it drawled the Britisher, “reminds me of embroidery the coming season, both in the following day, when he found that nothing so much ns a gridiron, a deuced white and colored Ixirders. They are the ¡xxir bird had contrived to apply big gridiron, dontclierknow!” "And going to lie pretty, too.” That may lie; dressings of down from other parts of yours,” was tlie quick come buck from still I am sorry to see the delicate lace- its laxly, fastened by congealed bkxxi, the American, "reminds me forcibly of a beefsteak—a darned big beefsteak, edged handkerchiefs, many of them and a sort of splint of interwoven feath- but not so big that we can’t cook it tin made by friends, laid aside. When ere to both limits. fashion does give us something very i our gridiron!” pretty we are sorry to see them made | The wasp, like the bee and almost Vnnllln For Mental Weakness, liaek-nurnlx'rs just when they are at every other insect, is infested with Vanilla Is one of the most powerful their liest and everyone has laid in a 1 parasites. Wasps have been captured restoratives known in cases of weak supply of the pretty, filmy little hand- j which had two or three dozen parasites ened vitality, when a large dose is giv en. South America in general shows a | kerchiefs. However, although Dame clinging to their bodies. much slighter tendency to mildness Mr. Asquith, the English statesman than any of the countries which may lace handkerchiefs must go, it is safe to be culled civilized. Statistical authori say that they will hold their own for said recently that nearly every mem ties attribute this fact to tlie ignora lice some time yet. ber of the Britisli C abinet had worked and thoughtlessness of the population, for tlie press some time or another. « « « « but they themselves give the credit to The is something new in millinery, I vunilla. At the first sign of mental dis Almost a quarter of tlie women o turbance they ply the sufferer there but it has not taken the |xqiular fancy Germany earn their living l>y tlieirown here yet. The fad of wearing fruit hats with. lalxir, mostly in farm work. is not likely to lieeome a very jxipular Wlgg—No; J can't say that Talkalot One. hat trimmed in lieautlful cher Few people ever really wants thing Is a friend of mine. 1 merely have n ries and red velvet ribbon makes a com- until they see others chasing after it. ■peaking acquaintance with Idin. l bination that will please the most fas Wagg— Most people only have a lis tidious, and in fact some of them look ' Hypocrites pray cream and live sklm- teningacquaintance.- Philadelphia ltec- like lm|sirted hats, they are so tasty mllk. ord. BANDON RECORDER. T POLLY LARKIN k_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ A STORY OF HENRY BERGH. HUMOR OF THE HOUR Onr of HI« New tork Eiprrlrncet In Protecting Dumb Aulmala, Too Much l*lo«poufl. I.ike u well dressed, somber ghost he went striding down the snowy street, and at University place tie found the tiling he had expected -a car packed Inside almost to suffocation. Ixrtli plat forms packed outside, with men cling ing like big bur« to bottom Asteps and dashboard rails, and before it. within a cloud of steam, two ill fed, bony horses with blixxlsliot eyes and wide, red nos trils flaring in their effort to fill labor Ing lungs witli air, with heaving sides and straining backs and flanks, while their madly scrambling feet struck Are from the slippery stones as they strove in vain to start again the awful weight behind them. Curses, oft jerked bell and assisting yells of passengers failed of effect. The driver's whip wax raised rea<ly for tlie stinging blow, when sud denly the straining effort ceased, the horses' heads drooped low. and through tlie thick air there loomed up before them a tall, dark form, with hand up raised commandingly. And ealm and distim-t two laconic words reached all ears: “Stop! Unload!” "Who tlie blank are you?" furiously demanded the driver. "And where's your authority for interfering witli this trip?" He knew well enough whom lie was talking to. so silently Mr. Bergh turned back the lapel of his eoat to show his badge, for In those days he had to do constabulary work as weil as official, thru repeated, “Unload!" But, being tired, hungry and mad, the floodgates gave way, and the pas sengers’ wratli burst forth. Abuse, sa tirical comment, threats, tilled the air. To a few who remonstrated decently with him he expressed regret, but with grave politeness insisted on lightening the load, telling them they could see for themselves tlie utter inability of the horses to get them to the end of the line and gently urged them hereafter to uote the condition of crowding before taking a place on a car. The conductor was especially ugly and became unpleasantly demonstra tive. His example worked like a leaven on the rest, and a spirit of riot began to show distinctly in tlie crowd closing about the tall, calm, self possessed man. All faces scowled, and evil names were tossed upon tlie air. He laid Just said. “You are yourselves increasing this delay; you might have moved two minutes aud a half ago,” when a scurrilous great brute came close up to him and, with an unspeakable epithet, shook a dirty fist directly in Ills face. Without the flush of nil eye or the quiver of a muscle in his quiet face Mr. Bergh .caught the ruffian by the shoulder, whirled him around, grabbed the seat ol' Ills breeches and the nape of his neck, and. witli a splendid “now all together” sort of a swing, lie fired him straight across the street, head on into the snow bank. A silence of utter amazement was suddenly broken by one great, swelling laugh, and then followed the always thrilling sound of three gloriously hearty American cheers. Many men shook hands with Mr. Bergh before be ginning their long tramp homeward. Some admitted their error in aiding the overloading.—Clara Morris in Mc Clure’s Magazine. Morbid Senaltlvraeu, Tlie surest way to conquer morbid sensitiveness is to mingle witli people as freely as possible, and, while ap praising your own ability and intelli gence at least as Impartially as you would those of a friend or acquaint ance, to forget yourself. Unless you can become unconscious of seif you will never either appear at your best or do the best of which you are capa ble, says a writer in Success. It re quires will power and an unbending determination to conquer this arch enemy to success, but what has lieen done cun be done, and many who were held down by it for years have by their own efforts outgrown it and risen to commanding positions. Mind Action Revealed by a Watch. “If I suspend my watch directly in front of me by holding the end of the chain with both hands. 1 find that the watch will swing in the direction of which J am thinking,” says a psycho logical writer. "If I think of it swing ing In a circle, it swings in a circle. If I think of it swinging from right to left and from left to right, it swings In that manner. I try to make no move ments with my hands, but find it im possible to keep them from It for any length of time, if I concentrate my at tention on the movement.”—Jewelers’ Circular Weekly. M here Things Are Made. “Hello, Jinks! Why. I haven't seen you for several weeks. How's your health?” “Poorly. Every little thing thong seems to affect me lately. Well, at any rate, you are looking like a king Long.” “Feeling that way except for a slight touch of spring fever.” “Yes; spring xproug always affecta me. too; makes my head ring rong.” “What In thunder is the matter with you. old man—the way you've got to talking?” "Nothing tboiig.” said Jinks, making a swinging movement of ills arm through empty air as bls friend backed away in amazement and alarm. “I hear that you have become a great devotee to the fashionable fad of table tennis." “Yes,” he said wildly; “I like to have uiy fling flong aud enjoy tlie banjo sing song of the game of pingpong at every racket's swlug swung while the celluloid sphere is on the wlug wong. I know that game's the thing thong”— Gently the keeper from the asylum led him away to his padded cell, the first victim of tlie omnipresent game of pingpong.— Kansas City Independ ent. Not That Kind of a Man. “Say, ma?” “Wliat is it. my dear?” “Is pa a self made man?” “No, darling. If auy one asks you about It, you must say that your fa ther is the architect of his own for tune.” It should be explained that she bad just returned after a three weeks' visit in Boston.—Chicago Record-Herald. It Wouldn’t Out. “Here, here!” exclaimed the hotel porter to Uncle Reuben, who was pour ing water on the electric light. “What are you doing?” “Waal, I tried tew blow th' thing out.” replied Uncle Reuben, abashed, “an' It wudn't blow, so I jes’ tliort I’d drown it out, b’gosh!” — Ohio State Journal. A Ghaiitly Joke. She Fixed Him. “Jones proposed to Mary last night.” “Is he well fixed?” “Yes; she refused liim."—Judge. Easy Enough, But— MIMake I ii the ProKranmie. TOWN HAD OFFSETS. Throuah <>»•• Writer-, «peetaelea The.e TW. Appear .■ Vlrtae.. So III. Claim For Dan»n«e» Brought la Only «11U.34. There Is a little Jealousy lu all per pin. ami e«i>eciaU.v in all «omen. !* springs from deep love, which alvvsjs desires to be first iu the affect......... t the one Moved. A lover, whether man or maid, who is not xuscepllltl« '» ■» ' it sional twinges of Jealousy is " in love. f While jealousy, considered witli r» i er. iiie to its origin, is not an ignoble emotion, it Is frequently absurd in ns outbreaks. A father is sometimes up set witli Jealousy because he imagines that bis wife loves the children more than she lows him. Mothers are fre quently Jealous of the husbands or vv ives of their daughters or sons. Wives become Jealous of the sisters or moth ers of their husbands. No one is Im mune against tlie little green bacilli of jealousy. I generally the tears or frowns of Jealousy are swept away with a few kind words and a caress, but there are some unhappy persons whose Jealousy Is chronic and who make themselves ridiculous and annoying by their fits and storms of Jealous passion. The Jealousy of such persons ts beyond rea son. Indeed, it is a form of dementia which begets every sort of violence. I’ride is the strongest controller of Jealousy. Tlie theologian« reckon pride among tlie seven deadly sins, but as a matter of fact pride is at the bottom of much of the virtuous action In the world. I’ride is the root of most brav ery. fortitude, courtesy, magnanimity, humility and industry. Pride is the es sential spirit of thorough breeding, and In spite of being enumerated among tlie deadly sins pride Is not connected witli turpitude. San Francisco Bulle tin. “I had beeu knocking about a Kan sas town in the eveuing," said a drum mer with a limp, “and in beading for my hotel I walked plump into an open sewer which had no red light of warn Ing. “I had a bad full and broke my hip, and I wasn’t yet out of the sewer when I made up my mind to sue for (20,000 damages. I was taken to the hospital, and next day the city attorney called on me to know what I was going to do. “ *1 am going to sue the town, of course.’ I replied. " 'But what for?’ he a «bail. “‘For personal damages. There should have lieen a railing or a light, but there was neither, and my injury will lay me up for weeks.’ “ 'But don’t you know what you es caped by falling into the sewer?’ be asked. “ ‘No.’ “ Then let me tell you that the roof of the hotel fell in last night and killed three men, aud if you bad lieen iu your lied you would have been crushed to pulp. You really owe this town some thing instead of talking alxiut dam ages.’ "When aide to get out.” continued I lie drummer, “I found that public opinion was against me and the people ready to stand a suit, and by advice of a lawyer 1 settled the case for $125. ”1 didn't even get all that. In tum bling into the sewer I broke two planks and brought on a caveln. and the dam ages were assessed at $5.66 aud taken out of the money.”—Dallas News. ONE MAN’S FINE CONCEIT. MnaxiiiH of Men, He Say», Menn. Slrenalli; of Women, Bonnet». "It's an odd thing about women,” re marked Jones to liis wife as be settled himself for a special effort. “We ad mire you intensely In the individual. We adore you when taken singly, but it's a strange, sad fact that when a few hundred of you get together you lose W hither! distinction. A multitude of rare wo men brought together In one building for a common cause are far from ven erable. Look at Sorosis. The club Is undoubtedly made up of ideal mothers and wives, but one resolutely refuses to find it anything else than a convoca tion of bonnets. Earnest, Intense wo men recruit the ranks of the Woman’s Christian Temperance union, but its muss meetings only amuse the rest of the world. An exclusively feminine tea was never an object of envy to those who pass it by.” “And what of you men?” suggested Mrs. Jones. “Are you all so much finer In a crowd?” “Undoubtedly,” replied Jones. “It Isn't open to dispute tliut a ‘gang’ of men is at all times convincing. If it is only a moli with a rope looking up a criminal, the sight does not lack im pressiveness. The Imagination plays about a ‘smoker* and speculates as to the quality of the cigars and the sto ries. And a good share of the world’s Marine Person—Yes; we're goin' to work lias been done by men in mass for a purpose. Union to us is strength, drag the river. Simon Milkweed — So! Where are and the novelist lias always remained below when the door of the banquet they draggin' It to? hall was opened for the filing out of Various Applications. the indies.”—New York Tribune. “I observe that you use the phrase Small Thlnv» That Count. ‘critical operation’ very frequently.” It is said that Ca'sar chose his gen "Yes,” answered the physician; "It often applies. Sometimes It refers to erals according to the length of their a crisis In the patient's condition and forefingers in comparison with that of sometimes to the remurks of our pro tlieir second fingers. No man whose fessional associa tea.”- Washl ngton.St ar. forefinger was over one-eighth of au Inch shorter than Ills middle finger had a ghost of a show. Men with very F.arlr Depravity. “You have to scratch for a living as short forefingers are supposed to be ef soon as you’re hatched,” said the feminate. I believe it is so. Napoleon's young robin, "while I get my grub generals were selected by their noses. Cromwell believed that bowlegged free.” "Oh, I don’t know,” responded the men made the best soldiers. Washing young quail. "You generally find It in ton preferred men with high cheek the bill, don't you?”—Chicago Tribune. bones. Receding foreheads were the rule among his generals. Alexander Satlalled. tlie Great judged men by their teeth, "Say. that dollar you loaned me was those having very large canines being counterfeit.” preferred as commanders.—New York “Was it?” Press. “It was.” Life In New York. “Then It's the first loan I ever made Nobody living outside New York you in which there was no loss < j me.” knows how difficult it has become in —Town Topics. that city for people of moderate means to bring up their children in the love Long Winded. Tess-Mr. Gayley's stories are rath of genuine things. It is still done by many, but with increasing effort and er broad, don't you think? Jess—Perhaps, but fortunately they only by dint of a strong will and an are not as broad as they nre long.— Inheritance of the truest graces of life — simplicity, the domestic affec Philadelphia Press. tions and the love of nature and one'» Not Poisoned. kind. It 1« to the cultivation of these "1 won't marry her. She's old enough graces that we must look for a rescue to be my aunt.” from the artificiality and the vulgari “But she simply dotes on you.” ty of the pitiable circle iu every Amer “Well, I dou’t need that sort of aun- ican city known as "the smart set.”— tydote.”—New York World. Century. A clergyman in the neighborhood of Nottingham was complimenting a tai lor in his parish on repairs which he had done for him. In the course of conversation lie, however, Incautiously And It’s Incurable. observed: “When I want a good coat, Judge—What is your profession? 1 go to London. They make them Witness—I’m a poet, your honor. there.” Before leaving the shop he Judge—Huh! That's not a profes Inquired. “By tlie bye. do you attend tion; it's a disease.—Chicago News. my church?” "No," was the reply; “when I want A Chest Note. to hear a good sermon, I go to London. “Is a lyre a musical instrument, pa?” They rnnke them there.”—London Tit- “I guess so. A good liar is noted for Bits. his chin music.”—Detroit Free Press. Raynor—Yes, I believe in ghosts. 1 have seen at least one in my life. Shyne—Well, I have never seen any. You have a shade the best of me.—Chi cago Tribune. JEALOUSY AND PRIDE. "She married Him to reform him.” “And what was the result?” “She wishes she had reformed him to marry him.’’—Chicago Post. ’Tin easy enough to sit at your desk and to write A poem of power and passion. A paragraph polished and witty and bright Or a jingle of tolly and fashion. When a fool gets angry, lie opens bls mouth uud shuts bis eye«.—Chicago News. 'Tis easy enough with a plot in your mind To work up a story and tell It. ©h. writing is easy enough, but you'll find That It Isn’t so easy to sell It! —Boston Herald. Enough to Settle ft. Fair Warning. He (nervously)—Who is that tramp A wag after having witnessed an un usually villainous performance of ing around overhead? She—That’s papa. He always gets “Hamlet” remarked: “Now Is the time to settle the Shukespeare-Bacon con restless toward morning.—Town and troversy. Let the graves of both be Country. dug up and see which of the two turned Affect. One'. Iniaal aa tlon. over.” “When a man gits good an’ mad,” said Uncle Ebon, “he’« ii’ble to 'maglue Snff r rl ng. To suffer an hour with and for one he's a volcano when he aln' nufllii but a we love brings us nearer lu spirit to firecracker.”—Washington Star." him than many years of Joyous com Tb« hide of the hippopotamus In panlonshlp. for only iu sorrow does the ■om« part« is fully two luebes thick. heart reveal Itself. How She Made a Froflt. In Paris a gentleman who Is very fond of fine paintings bought for 15.UU0 francs it work entitled "The Bride of Abydos” and was congratulating him self on becoming Its possessor when be suddenly remembered that his wife disliked very much to see him spend his money in tills manner. “How can 1 avoid a scene?” he asked himself. “If 1 say that the painting cost 15,000 francs, there will be an I u fill Hine, and so I'd better say 7.000. No; I'll say 4.000.” By this time be had reached home, and when be saw bis wife be told her unblushlngly that he had Just secured a lieautlful work of art for the nomi nal sum of 3.000 francs. At this good news she seemed more disconcerted than pleased, but said nothing, aud the pxluting was hung up. Next day the gentleman was obliged to go to the south of France, aud when be returned after a week’s abseucs Iiis wife met him with a beaming conn- teuuuce and said: "I’ve dune a good stroke of business while you were uway. You know that painting you bought fur 3,000 francs? Weil, 1 sold it yesterday fur 4.500, a clear pruflt of 1.500 francs!” Hard l.«»oua In Good Manners. School chaff is wholesome In most cases, but It may cramp what should not be cramped. As to the chaff which a man gives aud gets at a university, however, we du not think there can be two opinions, it must do good, aud It has not the opportunity of doing barm. Only those receive It who lay them selves open to receive it. The qui^jj man who wishes to read or to th^H apart need hardly ever come luto tact with his fellows unless he So chooses. The swaggering or bump tious man. the opinionated man, the offensive man—these are certain to bs chaffed, and the chaff usually goes home; not at once perhaps, but It usu ally gets there In the end with satis factory consequences. The personal remark may be rude, but rudeness Is often a very salutary weapon. It is certainly one of the most valuable In struments of English education. In deed It may seem a strange thing to say. blit it Is surely true that contin ued experience of calculated, fortnu- larized and well Intentioned rudeness teaches people to be polite.—London Spectator. Shlftlna the Reapoaalbllity. An Irishman who traded lu small wares kept a donkey cart, with which be visited the different villages. Ou oue occasion be came to a bridge where a toll was levied. He found to bls disappointment he had not enough money to pay it. A bright thought struck him. He un harnessed the donkey aud put It,into the cart. Then, getting between the shafts himself, he pulled the cart with the donkey standing In it on to the bridge. In due course be was bailed by the toll collector. "Hey, man!” cried the latter. "Whaur's your toll?” “Begorra,” said the Irishman, "Just ask the drolver.” Teg and the Text. Tlie golden text for a certain Sunday school was. "And the child grew and En»y Enough. The New Arrival and the Experl waxed strong in spirit” (Luke 11. 40). Little Ted's band went up like a euced Maid are the dramatis personie of a brief comedy published in Life. flash when the superintendent asked: The New Arrival was in doubt about "Fan any of these bright, smiling little tlie use of tlie blower on tlie open fire- boys or girls repeat the golden text for today? Ah, how glad It makes my pluce. “When will it be time to take this heart to see so many little hands go up! Teddy, my boy, you may repeat it, blower off?" "Lave it alone,” replied the Experi and speak good and loud that all may enced Maid, “till it do be too hot for hear.” And they all beard this: “And the yez to touch; then lift it off.” chtld grew and waxed strong in spirit like 2:40.” Evolution of a Nome. We have traced it back and find that The Way to Catch a Porenplae. a Topeka woman some sixteen years The porcupine climbs the tree as ago named her baby girl Bertha. Later she was called Bertie, then Birdie, then readily as a squirrel would, provided Bird, anil when she was graduated it you don't slip up and cut bis tall off was Byrdeyne. Mothers never know while be Is going up. Somehow or oth liow simple a thing may result trag er lie can't climb the tree without his tall, aud he won't come down without ically.—Atchison Globe. It. If you catch one of these porcu pines climbiug a tree and chop bis tall The Sucre.«lul Chlcnaonn. “I tell you," said the doctor, "It's the off. be will Btop right where he is and man who can push himself along that will stay there until he starves to death unless be Is taken away. succeeds best In this world.” "Not at all,” replied the professor. A Great Work of Art. "It's the ninn who can shove others It was Apelles who visited the studio out of the way that succeeds best.”— of Protogenes in Rome and, finding tbs Chicago Tribune. artist absent, drew a thin colored Uns In such a way that the Roman knew A Hot Come Back. that only bls Grecian brother could President of tlie Getyoureoyne Gas have done It. But, not to be outdone, Company - Heavens, doctor! You don't Protogenes drew s thinner line upon mean to say you nre going to charge that of Apelles, and when this was me $3 for pulling one tooth? seen Apelles drew a third 11ns upon Dentist Yes; a dollar for pulling the that of Protogenes. This panel was tooth, the balnnee for gas furnished then looked upon as the greatest work at your regular rates. San Francisco of art, so says the story, in the pslavo Chronicle. of the Caesars.
