1 and rich in appearance. . The hats
■ trimmed with red or white currants
ami the green aud white gixiseberriex
i are also pretty, but when it comes to
He S»UUK lhe l.uutrrn.
hats made of bananas, |ieaciiex, apples
A southern senator was at one time
or plums, Polly thinks that in going too
counsel for a small railroad. At a
far entirely, and 1 imagine that the
point on the line where It croeaed a
•'I'm going to is- a rich man some woman who attempts to wear these
prominent highway they bad an old
negro watchman, whose duties consist day,” was the remark I heard a young fruit creations must lixik like freaks. I
ed in warning travelers of the ap man make to a friend who was dimug haven't seen the latter, but I have been
proach of trains. One night a farm with him the other day. "I hate pov told that they look top-heavy and are
er's wagon was struck, causing a had erty,” he continued. “In fact, I think
accident. The railroad company was I have abhorred the idea of being poor anything but attractive. They have
of course sued for damages, and at the from my very cradle and from the no other trimming but the fruit. It is
a fad that won’t live many seasons.
trial the old darky wag the chief wit
time I could go to school I com
news for bis employers. He answered
« « « «
tl>e questions put to him in a clear, di menced saving my cents and dimes and
As long as I have made this almost
strived
to
do
something
to
earn
some
rect manner. Among them was the
altogether a letter of fashion liints, I
query as to whether lie surely swung thing to put in the little iron bank that
shall give you another in regard to
his lantern across the road when he had lieen given me by a thoughtful old
saw tlie train coming, to which he re unde when lie found the bent of my neckwear. High coIlan that have
plied:
ambition was to la- a rich man like tilted your head up or else left an un
■•’lieial I did. sah.”
him, ride in my own carriage and dwell comfortable and ugly lixiking red stripe
The railroad company won the suit, in my own house. He even went so around your neck tliat eventually
ami the senutor took occasion later to
turned an ugly brown, are going out
compliment Ills witness on his excel far, in spite of hia being considered th« slowly but surely. The uew neckwear,
stingiest
and
closest
man
in
the
village,
lent testimony. The old fellow- was
if collars, are low cut, but little strips
profuse In thanks, but before they as to put in two bright silver half dol of embroidery with parallel edges on
lars as a starter. They proved to be a
purteil bluntly said:
"Lordy, Murse John, I sho’ was great incentive to add on to the dollar, both sides with places for running baby
skeered when dnt lawyer gin to ax me and how I did work. I carried wood ribbon or narrow black velvet are worn
’bout de lantern. I was nfeared lie and cliop|>ed kindling and got my pay over silk collars of any shade you may
was goin’ to ax if it was lit or not, at tlie end of the week. Sometimes it de ire and tied in pretty Ixiws in the
'cause de oil In It done give out some
was 2o cents, but usually ID cents. 1 back. The insertion that comes for run
time before de axdent."
planted radishes, onions and lettuce, ning wider ribbons through tlie center
and
supplied not only the family but have an edge of either lace or embroid
The Perfect Head.
ery whip}ied on. They are dressy and
A perfect head, viewed from the side, tlie neighbors every morning with these
falls within a perfect square, averag vegetables fresh from the garden and very pretty, but. woe betide the girl
ing nine inches for a mini and H’j covered with dew. I raised rabbits, who has ruined her neck witli these
inches for a woman. The width of the and cried every time I sold one of my High stiff'collars that have lieen popu
face is equal to live eyes, 'l he distance pets for the table, but 1 was making lar so loug. They are in despair, for
between the eyes Is equal to one eye.
money. It was a day long to lie re the ugly brown marks cannot be re
The size of the eye Is two-thirds that
moved in a day or a week or a month,
of the mouth. The length of the nose membered when one day my father and meanwhile the collars are getting
tixik
me
to
the
bank
and
put
the
con
is one third the length of the face. The
lower ami lower uutil it is predicted
ear is, at all ages, as long us two eyes. tents of my little bank in safe keeping
gold piece added to it to start that at no very late day the dresses
Although these are the ideal measure with a
ments and are approximately adhered my bank account. It was the proudest will be finished off at the neck with
to, so fond of irregularity is nature minute of my life when they handed just a simple little lace edge or ruffle,
Hint rarely any face corresponds to me my bank book. Then I worked such as they used to wear in the time
them. The two sides of any face are harder than ever. I spent my Satur of oiij^reat-grandmothers. “ 'Tis a
never exactly alike. Strictly speaking,
weli^^Keiiange," says a lady pliysi-
the face extends only from the chin to days and holidays in doing errands or ciail^^^ba hen that time conies there
the root of the nose. Above that point picking fruit and wild blackberries. 1 will be less throat trouble than we have
is the brain case. For n well developed learned to set type in a couutry office
to-day, when the throats are bundled
brain the width of the head just above and received many a dollar for assisting
the ears, measured with callipers, them when they were rushed. You up in season and out of season.”
should he from 5H to GVi Inches, and may think that 'all work and no play
»»»»
the height from the opening of the ear makes Jack a dull boy,’ but in spite of
“Unlucky Hue”: Ho you are in trou
to the top of the crown should be ex all the little schemes I hail for earning
ble again. You state that that is only
actly the aatue. lu women both height
and width are one Inch less than in my dunes and dollars I had my fun the natural state of affairs and rather
men, women’s heads approaching the with the rest of the boys. When 1 the rule than the exception. You bor
type belonging to children.- London played it was with all my might and rowed a ixxik, dainty and white as a
when 1 worked it was in the same way. snowflake, the bridal gift of a friend,
Magazine.
I had no belter chance than the other with the result that now you are ready
As Him Cliihl Suiv Him.
Boys of my acquaintance, but I learned to return it, you find that it is grimy
A prominent real estate man in Los
the lesson sooner than they did of and soiled lixiking, and you are in de
Angeles had an experience a few even
lugs ago that kept him guessing for a knowing the value of a dollar and how spair. You say you cannot well pur
little bit as to whether he should feel to keep it when I once got it, and I chase another on account of the name
complimented or otherwise. He was at have my father to thank for it. This and sentiment inscribed on the first
home with one little daughter while is the key to my success in life.”
page, and you haven’t the courage to
his wife and another of the children
confess your carelessness, so you want
were downtown. Darkness was com
If every little lad and lassie in the my advice on the subject.
ing on, and the little girl was anxious
State would learn this lesson, it would
« « « «
ly watching for her mother's return.
Her nervousness grew apace in aplte of be a gisxl thing. There would lie less
In
the
first
place,
"Unlucky Hue,” it
the father's attempts at reassurance. money spent for candy, confectionery, would have lx*eti lietter to have nevi r
etc.,
and
less
for
amusements,
but
the
At length tlie little one burst into
little bank account which they would borrowed the Ixxik, particularly when
tears, saying:
”1 Just can't help It! I need mamma, eventually have would more than com- you knew how valuable it was to the
and I must have her!”
qielisate them for the sacrifice. I knew owner. In the second place, after ixir-
“Do you do this way when your a wealthy man who counted his pos owing the Ixxik you should have cov
mamma Is here and I'm away?” asked sessions in a good many figures, who ered it nicely and have been very care
the father.
ful alxiut handling it, putting it away
“No, of course not,” replied the little made it a point to give his sons and where it would have been safe and not
daughters
so
much
spending
money
a
one, “ ’cause then there's some grown
left where every one, unconscious of its
up person about the house!” Los An month, but he required them to keep
an account of every cent they spent and value, could handle it carelessly and
geles Herald.
report to him before the next pay-day throw it down when they were through
The River Was Froirn.
came around. He had a way of borrow with it. And now I have a remedy
A new theatrical story is always wel ing a certain amount from them and that will turn your despair into rejoic
come. Here is one whose novelty Is paying a high rate of interest. They ing. Get five cents worth of pumice
vouched for by one of our readers: had to keep track of that themselves, stone powder from your druggist, take
When Miss Delavelle Rarrlugton was
figure out the rate of interest, and then a soft cloth, and, dipping it into the
playing Miami In “The Green Bushes"
dry powder, rub the cover gently. It
at the old Mary Street theater. Fork, he would settle in full. Every child he will take a little time but the result will
had
knew
the
value
of
a
dollar,
and
al
a ludicrous Incident occurred. Miami
has to jump Into the Mississippi, hut though lie has long since passed to his amply reward you for your pains, for
when Miss Barrington reached the reward, they have reaped the harvest the Ixxik will come out of this "dry
rocky eminence from which she bail to of iiis determination that they should wash” as white and spotlessaayou wish.
leap she saw there was no mattress all learn thoroughly his own gisxl busi
below to receive her; also the ledge of ness methods, and in place of losing the
BRIEF REVIEW.
rock In front of the supposed river was
bequests through ignorance, they have
too low to conceal the actress after her
Bad Air in Street Cars.
leap. Miss Barrington, however, noth added to the snug sum left them by
their
ever
careful
and
watchful
father,
While
the average adult should in
ing daunted, took tier leap and came
down with a thud on the bare stage. and are well-to-do men and women in spire 3U6 cubic Indies of fresh air a min
The situation struck a member of the this State to-day.
ute, this is impossible in the street ears
"gods,” for a stentorian voice called
» » » »
of to-day. A New York sanitary en
out, "Oik be Jabers, 'tis frozen!" Lon
A year ago if a lady had appeared on gineer found as much as 26.2 parts of
don Chronicle.
the streets with her hands covered cirboiic acid gas per 10,000 volumes of
H?Nonrc?faln<‘M of ('liinrwe < ookn.
with silk mils she would have looked air in the trolley ears of New York City.
If there is one sphere of Euro|>ean as old-timey as you could imagine. To This is to some extent, due to insuffi
domestic life in which more than an day. or rather this season, silk gloves cient Heating of the cars, the windows
other, says a traveler the Chinaman and silk mits, some of them plain and being in winter necessarily tiglitly shut.
finds scope for the exorcise of Ids own
others in lacy effects are worn as much The cocoanut husk mats on the floors of
peculiar Ingenuity, without doubt It Is
In the regions dedicated to tlie pursuit as the kid gloves that have held their the cars have lieen examined, single fi
of the culinary art. Here lie w ill allow own for years, the cool climate of San bers one and a half inches long, hold
no obstacle to daunt him. no unfore Francisco enabling them to wear them ing from 3,000,000 to 4,000,000 bacteria.
seen contingency to catch him una tlie year round, but fashion's wheel took Aud yet tills air compares favorably
ware«. Should you, having ordered two another turn anil has brought silk with that found on many railroads. In
chops for the dinner of yourself and gloves and mits into vogue again. the Mont t'enis tunnel the air contains
your wife, suddenly, all unthinking, “Next season they are likely to have 107 parts of carbolic acid; tn cars in the
bring in a friend to share your humble full sway,” says one of our glove deal-1 Mersey tunnel, in England, 26.4; in au
meal, you will find the cook out of two
electric car in the new Boston subway,
chops has miraculously created a third era, "and they will be worn iu all
24.97; and in the Metropolitan Railway
shades,
from
black
down
to
the
light
-created It so skillfully out of odds
tunnel in London, 39 4 parts per 10,000
and ends of meat deftly strung togetli shades to match your costume.”
voltimes.
er that only the practiced eye may ills
»»* *
cent the difference.-.
I learned something else alxiut the
Bird Surgery.
x—*”------------ --s-—-----------
fashion for this fall, and this is in regard
Home interesting oliservations con
/ Beefsteak on the Gridiron.
to handkerchiefs. "Put away your cerning tlie surgical treatment of the
Bitting on the balcony of tlie Anglo
dainty
lace ones, Polly,” said one of wounds by birds were recently made by
American club, Brussels, a Yankee
and an Englishman spent a lazy after our lending merchants, "or else wear a .Swiss naturlist. The most interest-
noon guying each other on racial and them out, for they will be back num ingexainple was tHat of a snipe, both of
national foibles mid trails. The eon tier« in another year. Everything in whose legs he had unfortunately broken
versatiou veered into flags. "Yours," the way of handkerchiefs is going to be by a misdirected siiot. He recovered it
drawled the Britisher, “reminds me of embroidery the coming season, both in the following day, when he found that
nothing so much ns a gridiron, a deuced white and colored Ixirders. They are the ¡xxir bird had contrived to apply
big gridiron, dontclierknow!” "And going to lie pretty, too.” That may lie;
dressings of down from other parts of
yours,” was tlie quick come buck from
still
I
am
sorry
to
see
the
delicate
lace-
its laxly, fastened by congealed bkxxi,
the American, "reminds me forcibly of
a beefsteak—a darned big beefsteak, edged handkerchiefs, many of them and a sort of splint of interwoven feath-
but not so big that we can’t cook it tin made by friends, laid aside. When ere to both limits.
fashion does give us something very i
our gridiron!”
pretty we are sorry to see them made | The wasp, like the bee and almost
Vnnllln For Mental Weakness,
liaek-nurnlx'rs just when they are at every other insect, is infested with
Vanilla Is one of the most powerful their liest and everyone has laid in a 1
parasites. Wasps have been captured
restoratives known in cases of weak supply of the pretty, filmy little hand- j
which had two or three dozen parasites
ened vitality, when a large dose is giv
en. South America in general shows a | kerchiefs. However, although Dame clinging to their bodies.
much slighter tendency to mildness
Mr. Asquith, the English statesman
than any of the countries which may lace handkerchiefs must go, it is safe to
be culled civilized. Statistical authori say that they will hold their own for said recently that nearly every mem
ties attribute this fact to tlie ignora lice some time yet.
ber of the Britisli C abinet had worked
and thoughtlessness of the population,
for tlie press some time or another.
« « « «
but they themselves give the credit to
The
is
something
new
in
millinery,
I
vunilla. At the first sign of mental dis
Almost a quarter of tlie women o
turbance they ply the sufferer there but it has not taken the |xqiular fancy Germany earn their living l>y tlieirown
here yet. The fad of wearing fruit hats
with.
lalxir, mostly in farm work.
is not likely to lieeome a very jxipular
Wlgg—No; J can't say that Talkalot One.
hat trimmed in lieautlful cher
Few people ever really wants thing
Is a friend of mine. 1 merely have n ries and red velvet ribbon makes a com-
until they see others chasing after it.
■peaking acquaintance with Idin.
l bination that will please the most fas
Wagg— Most people only have a lis tidious, and in fact some of them look '
Hypocrites pray cream and live sklm-
teningacquaintance.- Philadelphia ltec-
like lm|sirted hats, they are so tasty mllk.
ord.
BANDON RECORDER.
T POLLY LARKIN
k_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
A STORY OF HENRY BERGH.
HUMOR OF THE HOUR
Onr of HI« New tork Eiprrlrncet In
Protecting Dumb Aulmala,
Too Much l*lo«poufl.
I.ike u well dressed, somber ghost he
went striding down the snowy street,
and at University place tie found the
tiling he had expected -a car packed
Inside almost to suffocation. Ixrtli plat
forms packed outside, with men cling
ing like big bur« to bottom Asteps and
dashboard rails, and before it. within a
cloud of steam, two ill fed, bony horses
with blixxlsliot eyes and wide, red nos
trils flaring in their effort to fill labor
Ing lungs witli air, with heaving sides
and straining backs and flanks, while
their madly scrambling feet struck Are
from the slippery stones as they strove
in vain to start again the awful weight
behind them. Curses, oft jerked bell
and assisting yells of passengers failed
of effect. The driver's whip wax raised
rea<ly for tlie stinging blow, when sud
denly the straining effort ceased, the
horses' heads drooped low. and through
tlie thick air there loomed up before
them a tall, dark form, with hand up
raised commandingly. And ealm and
distim-t two laconic words reached all
ears: “Stop! Unload!”
"Who tlie blank are you?" furiously
demanded the driver. "And where's
your authority for interfering witli this
trip?"
He knew well enough whom lie was
talking to. so silently Mr. Bergh turned
back the lapel of his eoat to show his
badge, for In those days he had to do
constabulary work as weil as official,
thru repeated, “Unload!"
But, being tired, hungry and mad,
the floodgates gave way, and the pas
sengers’ wratli burst forth. Abuse, sa
tirical comment, threats, tilled the air.
To a few who remonstrated decently
with him he expressed regret, but with
grave politeness insisted on lightening
the load, telling them they could see
for themselves tlie utter inability of
the horses to get them to the end of the
line and gently urged them hereafter to
uote the condition of crowding before
taking a place on a car.
The conductor was especially ugly
and became unpleasantly demonstra
tive. His example worked like a leaven
on the rest, and a spirit of riot began
to show distinctly in tlie crowd closing
about the tall, calm, self possessed
man. All faces scowled, and evil names
were tossed upon tlie air. He laid Just
said. “You are yourselves increasing
this delay; you might have moved
two minutes aud a half ago,” when a
scurrilous great brute came close up to
him and, with an unspeakable epithet,
shook a dirty fist directly in Ills face.
Without the flush of nil eye or the
quiver of a muscle in his quiet face
Mr. Bergh .caught the ruffian by the
shoulder, whirled him around, grabbed
the seat ol' Ills breeches and the nape
of his neck, and. witli a splendid “now
all together” sort of a swing, lie fired
him straight across the street, head on
into the snow bank.
A silence of utter amazement was
suddenly broken by one great, swelling
laugh, and then followed the always
thrilling sound of three gloriously
hearty American cheers. Many men
shook hands with Mr. Bergh before be
ginning their long tramp homeward.
Some admitted their error in aiding
the overloading.—Clara Morris in Mc
Clure’s Magazine.
Morbid Senaltlvraeu,
Tlie surest way to conquer morbid
sensitiveness is to mingle witli people
as freely as possible, and, while ap
praising your own ability and intelli
gence at least as Impartially as you
would those of a friend or acquaint
ance, to forget yourself. Unless you
can become unconscious of seif you
will never either appear at your best
or do the best of which you are capa
ble, says a writer in Success. It re
quires will power and an unbending
determination to conquer this arch
enemy to success, but what has lieen
done cun be done, and many who were
held down by it for years have by their
own efforts outgrown it and risen to
commanding positions.
Mind Action Revealed by a Watch.
“If I suspend my watch directly in
front of me by holding the end of the
chain with both hands. 1 find that the
watch will swing in the direction of
which J am thinking,” says a psycho
logical writer. "If I think of it swing
ing In a circle, it swings in a circle. If
I think of it swinging from right to
left and from left to right, it swings
In that manner. I try to make no move
ments with my hands, but find it im
possible to keep them from It for any
length of time, if I concentrate my at
tention on the movement.”—Jewelers’
Circular Weekly.
M here Things Are Made.
“Hello, Jinks! Why. I haven't seen
you for several weeks. How's your
health?”
“Poorly. Every little thing thong
seems to affect me lately. Well, at
any rate, you are looking like a king
Long.”
“Feeling that way except for a slight
touch of spring fever.”
“Yes; spring xproug always affecta
me. too; makes my head ring rong.”
“What In thunder is the matter with
you. old man—the way you've got to
talking?”
"Nothing tboiig.” said Jinks, making
a swinging movement of ills arm
through empty air as bls friend backed
away in amazement and alarm.
“I hear that you have become a
great devotee to the fashionable fad of
table tennis."
“Yes,” he said wildly; “I like to have
uiy fling flong aud enjoy tlie banjo
sing song of the game of pingpong at
every racket's swlug swung while the
celluloid sphere is on the wlug wong.
I know that game's the thing thong”—
Gently the keeper from the asylum
led him away to his padded cell, the
first victim of tlie omnipresent game
of pingpong.— Kansas City Independ
ent.
Not That Kind of a Man.
“Say, ma?”
“Wliat is it. my dear?”
“Is pa a self made man?”
“No, darling. If auy one asks you
about It, you must say that your fa
ther is the architect of his own for
tune.”
It should be explained that she bad
just returned after a three weeks' visit
in Boston.—Chicago Record-Herald.
It Wouldn’t Out.
“Here, here!” exclaimed the hotel
porter to Uncle Reuben, who was pour
ing water on the electric light. “What
are you doing?”
“Waal, I tried tew blow th' thing
out.” replied Uncle Reuben, abashed,
“an' It wudn't blow, so I jes’ tliort I’d
drown it out, b’gosh!” — Ohio State
Journal.
A Ghaiitly Joke.
She Fixed Him.
“Jones proposed to Mary last night.”
“Is he well fixed?”
“Yes; she refused liim."—Judge.
Easy Enough, But—
MIMake I ii the ProKranmie.
TOWN HAD OFFSETS.
Throuah <>»•• Writer-, «peetaelea
The.e TW. Appear .■ Vlrtae..
So III. Claim For Dan»n«e» Brought
la Only «11U.34.
There Is a little Jealousy lu all per
pin. ami e«i>eciaU.v in all «omen. !*
springs from deep love, which alvvsjs
desires to be first iu the affect......... t
the one Moved. A lover, whether man
or maid, who is not xuscepllltl« '» ■» ' it
sional twinges of Jealousy is "
in love.
f
While jealousy, considered witli r» i
er. iiie to its origin, is not an ignoble
emotion, it Is frequently absurd in ns
outbreaks. A father is sometimes up
set witli Jealousy because he imagines
that bis wife loves the children more
than she lows him. Mothers are fre
quently Jealous of the husbands or
vv ives of their daughters or sons. Wives
become Jealous of the sisters or moth
ers of their husbands. No one is Im
mune against tlie little green bacilli of
jealousy.
I generally the tears or frowns of
Jealousy are swept away with a few
kind words and a caress, but there are
some unhappy persons whose Jealousy
Is chronic and who make themselves
ridiculous and annoying by their fits
and storms of Jealous passion. The
Jealousy of such persons ts beyond rea
son. Indeed, it is a form of dementia
which begets every sort of violence.
I’ride is the strongest controller of
Jealousy. Tlie theologian« reckon pride
among tlie seven deadly sins, but as a
matter of fact pride is at the bottom of
much of the virtuous action In the
world. I’ride is the root of most brav
ery. fortitude, courtesy, magnanimity,
humility and industry. Pride is the es
sential spirit of thorough breeding, and
In spite of being enumerated among
tlie deadly sins pride Is not connected
witli turpitude. San Francisco Bulle
tin.
“I had beeu knocking about a Kan
sas town in the eveuing," said a drum
mer with a limp, “and in beading for
my hotel I walked plump into an open
sewer which had no red light of warn
Ing.
“I had a bad full and broke my hip,
and I wasn’t yet out of the sewer when
I made up my mind to sue for (20,000
damages. I was taken to the hospital,
and next day the city attorney called
on me to know what I was going to do.
“ *1 am going to sue the town, of
course.’ I replied.
" 'But what for?’ he a «bail.
“‘For personal damages. There
should have lieen a railing or a light,
but there was neither, and my injury
will lay me up for weeks.’
“ 'But don’t you know what you es
caped by falling into the sewer?’ be
asked.
“ ‘No.’
“ Then let me tell you that the roof
of the hotel fell in last night and killed
three men, aud if you bad lieen iu your
lied you would have been crushed to
pulp. You really owe this town some
thing instead of talking alxiut dam
ages.’
"When aide to get out.” continued
I lie drummer, “I found that public
opinion was against me and the people
ready to stand a suit, and by advice of
a lawyer 1 settled the case for $125.
”1 didn't even get all that. In tum
bling into the sewer I broke two planks
and brought on a caveln. and the dam
ages were assessed at $5.66 aud taken
out of the money.”—Dallas News.
ONE MAN’S FINE CONCEIT.
MnaxiiiH of Men, He Say», Menn.
Slrenalli; of Women, Bonnet».
"It's an odd thing about women,” re
marked Jones to liis wife as be settled
himself for a special effort. “We ad
mire you intensely In the individual.
We adore you when taken singly, but
it's a strange, sad fact that when a few
hundred of you get together you lose
W hither!
distinction. A multitude of rare wo
men brought together In one building
for a common cause are far from ven
erable. Look at Sorosis. The club Is
undoubtedly made up of ideal mothers
and wives, but one resolutely refuses
to find it anything else than a convoca
tion of bonnets. Earnest, Intense wo
men recruit the ranks of the Woman’s
Christian Temperance union, but its
muss meetings only amuse the rest of
the world. An exclusively feminine tea
was never an object of envy to those
who pass it by.”
“And what of you men?” suggested
Mrs. Jones. “Are you all so much
finer In a crowd?”
“Undoubtedly,” replied Jones. “It
Isn't open to dispute tliut a ‘gang’ of
men is at all times convincing. If it is
only a moli with a rope looking up a
criminal, the sight does not lack im
pressiveness. The Imagination plays
about a ‘smoker* and speculates as to
the quality of the cigars and the sto
ries. And a good share of the world’s
Marine Person—Yes; we're goin' to work lias been done by men in mass for
a purpose. Union to us is strength,
drag the river.
Simon Milkweed — So! Where are and the novelist lias always remained
below when the door of the banquet
they draggin' It to?
hall was opened for the filing out of
Various Applications.
the indies.”—New York Tribune.
“I observe that you use the phrase
Small Thlnv» That Count.
‘critical operation’ very frequently.”
It is said that Ca'sar chose his gen
"Yes,” answered the physician; "It
often applies. Sometimes It refers to erals according to the length of their
a crisis In the patient's condition and forefingers in comparison with that of
sometimes to the remurks of our pro tlieir second fingers. No man whose
fessional associa tea.”- Washl ngton.St ar. forefinger was over one-eighth of au
Inch shorter than Ills middle finger had
a ghost of a show. Men with very
F.arlr Depravity.
“You have to scratch for a living as short forefingers are supposed to be ef
soon as you’re hatched,” said the feminate. I believe it is so. Napoleon's
young robin, "while I get my grub generals were selected by their noses.
Cromwell believed that bowlegged
free.”
"Oh, I don’t know,” responded the men made the best soldiers. Washing
young quail. "You generally find It in ton preferred men with high cheek
the bill, don't you?”—Chicago Tribune. bones. Receding foreheads were the
rule among his generals. Alexander
Satlalled.
tlie Great judged men by their teeth,
"Say. that dollar you loaned me was those having very large canines being
counterfeit.”
preferred as commanders.—New York
“Was it?”
Press.
“It was.”
Life In New York.
“Then It's the first loan I ever made
Nobody living outside New York
you in which there was no loss < j me.”
knows how difficult it has become in
—Town Topics.
that city for people of moderate means
to bring up their children in the love
Long Winded.
Tess-Mr. Gayley's stories are rath of genuine things. It is still done by
many, but with increasing effort and
er broad, don't you think?
Jess—Perhaps, but fortunately they only by dint of a strong will and an
are not as broad as they nre long.— Inheritance of the truest graces of
life — simplicity, the domestic affec
Philadelphia Press.
tions and the love of nature and one'»
Not Poisoned.
kind. It 1« to the cultivation of these
"1 won't marry her. She's old enough graces that we must look for a rescue
to be my aunt.”
from the artificiality and the vulgari
“But she simply dotes on you.”
ty of the pitiable circle iu every Amer
“Well, I dou’t need that sort of aun- ican city known as "the smart set.”—
tydote.”—New York World.
Century.
A clergyman in the neighborhood of
Nottingham was complimenting a tai
lor in his parish on repairs which he
had done for him. In the course of
conversation lie, however, Incautiously
And It’s Incurable.
observed: “When I want a good coat,
Judge—What is your profession?
1 go to London. They make them
Witness—I’m a poet, your honor.
there.” Before leaving the shop he
Judge—Huh! That's not a profes
Inquired. “By tlie bye. do you attend
tion; it's a disease.—Chicago News.
my church?”
"No," was the reply; “when I want
A Chest Note.
to hear a good sermon, I go to London.
“Is a lyre a musical instrument, pa?”
They rnnke them there.”—London Tit-
“I guess so. A good liar is noted for
Bits.
his chin music.”—Detroit Free Press.
Raynor—Yes, I believe in ghosts. 1
have seen at least one in my life.
Shyne—Well, I have never seen any.
You have a shade the best of me.—Chi
cago Tribune.
JEALOUSY AND PRIDE.
"She married Him to reform him.”
“And what was the result?”
“She wishes she had reformed him
to marry him.’’—Chicago Post.
’Tin easy enough to sit at your desk and
to write
A poem of power and passion.
A paragraph polished and witty and
bright
Or a jingle of tolly and fashion.
When a fool gets angry, lie opens bls
mouth uud shuts bis eye«.—Chicago
News.
'Tis easy enough with a plot in your mind
To work up a story and tell It.
©h. writing is easy enough, but you'll find
That It Isn’t so easy to sell It!
—Boston Herald.
Enough to Settle ft.
Fair Warning.
He (nervously)—Who is that tramp
A wag after having witnessed an un
usually villainous performance of ing around overhead?
She—That’s papa. He always gets
“Hamlet” remarked: “Now Is the time
to settle the Shukespeare-Bacon con restless toward morning.—Town and
troversy. Let the graves of both be Country.
dug up and see which of the two turned
Affect. One'. Iniaal aa tlon.
over.”
“When a man gits good an’ mad,”
said Uncle Ebon, “he’« ii’ble to 'maglue
Snff r rl ng.
To suffer an hour with and for one he's a volcano when he aln' nufllii but a
we love brings us nearer lu spirit to firecracker.”—Washington Star."
him than many years of Joyous com
Tb« hide of the hippopotamus In
panlonshlp. for only iu sorrow does the
■om« part« is fully two luebes thick.
heart reveal Itself.
How She Made a Froflt.
In Paris a gentleman who Is very
fond of fine paintings bought for 15.UU0
francs it work entitled "The Bride of
Abydos” and was congratulating him
self on becoming Its possessor when be
suddenly remembered that his wife
disliked very much to see him spend
his money in tills manner.
“How can 1 avoid a scene?” he asked
himself. “If 1 say that the painting
cost 15,000 francs, there will be an
I u fill Hine, and so I'd better say 7.000.
No; I'll say 4.000.”
By this time be had reached home,
and when be saw bis wife be told her
unblushlngly that he had Just secured
a lieautlful work of art for the nomi
nal sum of 3.000 francs. At this good
news she seemed more disconcerted
than pleased, but said nothing, aud
the pxluting was hung up.
Next day the gentleman was obliged
to go to the south of France, aud when
be returned after a week’s abseucs
Iiis wife met him with a beaming conn-
teuuuce and said: "I’ve dune a good
stroke of business while you were
uway. You know that painting you
bought fur 3,000 francs? Weil, 1 sold
it yesterday fur 4.500, a clear pruflt of
1.500 francs!”
Hard l.«»oua In Good Manners.
School chaff is wholesome In most
cases, but It may cramp what should
not be cramped. As to the chaff which
a man gives aud gets at a university,
however, we du not think there can be
two opinions, it must do good, aud It
has not the opportunity of doing barm.
Only those receive It who lay them
selves open to receive it. The qui^jj
man who wishes to read or to th^H
apart need hardly ever come luto
tact with his fellows unless he So
chooses. The swaggering or bump
tious man. the opinionated man, the
offensive man—these are certain to bs
chaffed, and the chaff usually goes
home; not at once perhaps, but It usu
ally gets there In the end with satis
factory consequences. The personal
remark may be rude, but rudeness Is
often a very salutary weapon. It is
certainly one of the most valuable In
struments of English education. In
deed It may seem a strange thing to
say. blit it Is surely true that contin
ued experience of calculated, fortnu-
larized and well Intentioned rudeness
teaches people to be polite.—London
Spectator.
Shlftlna the Reapoaalbllity.
An Irishman who traded lu small
wares kept a donkey cart, with which
be visited the different villages. Ou
oue occasion be came to a bridge where
a toll was levied.
He found to bls disappointment he
had not enough money to pay it.
A bright thought struck him. He un
harnessed the donkey aud put It,into
the cart. Then, getting between the
shafts himself, he pulled the cart with
the donkey standing In it on to the
bridge.
In due course be was bailed by the
toll collector.
"Hey, man!” cried the latter.
"Whaur's your toll?”
“Begorra,” said the Irishman, "Just
ask the drolver.”
Teg and the Text.
Tlie golden text for a certain Sunday
school was. "And the child grew and
En»y Enough.
The New Arrival and the Experl waxed strong in spirit” (Luke 11. 40).
Little Ted's band went up like a
euced Maid are the dramatis personie
of a brief comedy published in Life. flash when the superintendent asked:
The New Arrival was in doubt about "Fan any of these bright, smiling little
tlie use of tlie blower on tlie open fire- boys or girls repeat the golden text for
today? Ah, how glad It makes my
pluce.
“When will it be time to take this heart to see so many little hands go
up! Teddy, my boy, you may repeat it,
blower off?"
"Lave it alone,” replied the Experi and speak good and loud that all may
enced Maid, “till it do be too hot for hear.”
And they all beard this: “And the
yez to touch; then lift it off.”
chtld grew and waxed strong in spirit
like 2:40.”
Evolution of a Nome.
We have traced it back and find that
The Way to Catch a Porenplae.
a Topeka woman some sixteen years
The porcupine climbs the tree as
ago named her baby girl Bertha. Later
she was called Bertie, then Birdie, then readily as a squirrel would, provided
Bird, anil when she was graduated it you don't slip up and cut bis tall off
was Byrdeyne. Mothers never know while be Is going up. Somehow or oth
liow simple a thing may result trag er lie can't climb the tree without his
tall, aud he won't come down without
ically.—Atchison Globe.
It. If you catch one of these porcu
pines climbiug a tree and chop bis tall
The Sucre.«lul Chlcnaonn.
“I tell you," said the doctor, "It's the off. be will Btop right where he is and
man who can push himself along that will stay there until he starves to
death unless be Is taken away.
succeeds best In this world.”
"Not at all,” replied the professor.
A Great Work of Art.
"It's the ninn who can shove others
It was Apelles who visited the studio
out of the way that succeeds best.”—
of Protogenes in Rome and, finding tbs
Chicago Tribune.
artist absent, drew a thin colored Uns
In such a way that the Roman knew
A Hot Come Back.
that only bls Grecian brother could
President of tlie Getyoureoyne Gas have done It. But, not to be outdone,
Company - Heavens, doctor! You don't Protogenes drew s thinner line upon
mean to say you nre going to charge that of Apelles, and when this was
me $3 for pulling one tooth?
seen Apelles drew a third 11ns upon
Dentist Yes; a dollar for pulling the that of Protogenes. This panel was
tooth, the balnnee for gas furnished then looked upon as the greatest work
at your regular rates. San Francisco of art, so says the story, in the pslavo
Chronicle.
of the Caesars.