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About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (May 2, 1901)
HE PEACEMAKER By W. W. JA00B3. Copyright, 1SOO, by W. W. Jacobs.) Tin' harbor wits crowded with flsh coi.xtic In every few minutes. Until tli iiitrntieo wns reached they enmp (I'luiilinK nloiiB with every appearance tf i ii-iiv lint then their mainsails rame l uniiuit down to tlie ucck, ituu tin with siltllcli'tit way left on them Ul .til ciudl.v over the still water nud feit 'uiir way to a berth. Si mil boats conveyed the llsh to the qua wuoie usiiormeii were upprnis n.' tne catch with a wisdom beyond their jears. rime wax a glut of whiting; ho tiitiuj wliltlMB and going so cheaply that ! was enough to make them bite tlii ir talis from sheer nnnoyance. Small dai -h. which slid away from their 1)11! win cm cfully looked after and oacd I ,ick with the too of a sen boot, Hi w-1 1 1 1 1 1 1 slid away unnoticed until iln3 vanished from mortal ken lu the pinkits of predatory urchins. In tlu Mimll market a short, red faced man with scarlet beard reached in a dlsparaBlUB fashion from heap to heap tt.in a favorite brier In lieu of a hummer to knock down such fish as found bidders. The latter were few anil wni'. and. inmlng a deaf ear to eloquence, ixpicsscd In crude Kngllsh opinions distasteful to nn auctioneer's ear The sense of the meeting being against him. the auctioneer tacked to It and. coiulUB to another heap con sisting of the selection of the most un desirable llsh that swim Ilrltaiiula's realm gassed at It Indignantly. There was a t It t it behind him, and he voiced his wrath Impetuously. "That's .loe (lulibs' catch," he bawl ed 'S'clp me, I'd know that man's luck anywhere." He turned the llsh over scornfully with Ids foot and with n severe glance nt the hapless (iubbs moved away to something more salable. "Where d'ye get 'em from. OuhbsV" Inquired an aggravating voice. "We never get such things In our nets. I've, never seen some of them things afore." There's a lot you ain't seen, Hob Tarbut" said (Iubbs, turning upon linn and what you do see don't do on much good." "I d be ashamed to bring home such n niei r looking lot." Jeered the other. "Iwl I lull hlmf he Inquired in a uhU jtcr. "They mayn't be up to much, but tli 'e's none on 'em would care to cliange faces with you, I expect," re torted (! tilths, "oti leave my face alone," said Tar hut whose physiognomy was much used In the village for purposes of coin par sou " V skate's handsome to you," said (Iubbs, following up his advantage. He Jumped back suddenly as the list of the sensitive Tarbut shot violently out and, treading on a small tlf.u. whirl ed around wildly with his hands In the ulr in the effort to retain his balance and sat down heavily. The bystanders Instantly sepntnted Into two groups, and two or three anxious sympathizers helpe ' the falleu man to his feet and Imhcated those parts of Tarhut's frame which, lu their opinion, were least adapted to offer resistance to Ids list. "Stand up." said (iubbs sternly as he Minok himself free from these friends. I am a standing up," said Tarbut, breathing hard The two combatants approached each otlici stealthily and, maneuvering louud the heaps of llsh. struck safely at each other over these convenient barriers. (let 'em In the road!' said an excit ed vole riiey can't 'urt each other here " A dozen kindly hands helped them there and. finding too much strategy f r hport In n large ring, at the bidding uf the resourceful Individual who had lat spoken, gradually made It smaller nud smaller Two or three small blows vanned the combatants, and they set 'j work In earnest. Then (iubbs, under a 1 1, ivy blow from Tarbut, went to the en mid and staid there. It was three minutes before he came thoroughly round, and then he sat up hi a dazed fashion and looked round for Ids opponent. "bid I kill 'ImT he Inquired In a whisper "No; not quite," said one of his '"tends gently. fiiibbs rubbed his eyes. "What are they patting him on the back fori" he Inquired, eyltig the group who were making n fuss over Tarbut. " 'Cos he's won," said his friend. 'iubbs staggered to his feet. 1 It's no good," Raid tho landlord of t'ie Three Fishers, who had run ove to the w ir of the fray. "You wn" properly trained, jou know. Now, Jofc 'ere- if j-0u put yourself lu my land-. In three weeks you cau beat w holler." V u do as Mr. Lnrklus fees, Joe," 1 his friend Impressively. I I ved among prizefighters afore I mw down 'ere." said Mr. Lnrklns, 'i mdiug lug small frame. "In three r' ' ks tune, (iubbs, you'll be able to k hmi silly." Will, what about Tarbut; he ought y be tralm-d, too," said one of the men. rar play's fair play any day." ' I II tram Im," f.ald an old ex-coast euarddiuuit "I don't want no training," said Tar but surlily. 'Tve beat Mm. I,,,, -i easy." "Well, beat 'lin again, Tarbut." suld one or ins friends, -m put my Bve i.iiu uu juu, n uo ii tate mey" For the next live minutes, heedless of the assertions of both men that they wouldn't tight any more, bets wern fieely taken. Tarbut, lu view of his recent success, being a hot favorite. A Jarring element was Introduced Into the proceedings i,y n small elder ly man wearing a piece of blue ribbon, who. pushing his nny In eagerly. In quired what it was all about. Noltody troubling to give lilm n correct nnswer. lie tried to solve it for himself, and wns then caught. Just h the nick of time, trvlng to make the iieniles shake hands. "You go off to jour mothers' meet ing. Peter Morgan." said nn Incensed voice. "It's a light," said the little man. raising Ills voice. "Oil. my frleuiU"- "It's nothing of the kind," said Lar klus hotly. "I'm training eui for a race, that's all. They're Just going to see who's the best runner," Morgan, disregarding the publican, looked to others for Information, "It's quite right." said a bystander. "ion can believe tne, can t you?" "Wlien's It going to be?" asked Mor .in ' I don't know," said the other, turn- i mi nwnj ou (Might to lie ashamed of your -elves, said Morgan warmly. "It's I enough to make a couple of men :i ;lit what dim t want to without tell in: a lot of lies about It." "If.-, none of your business," said i .a i klus surlily. "Ask no questions I'i'l you'll have uo lies. You'll get 'iiie Idea Into that 'cad of yours nud Mien go nnd split and have It stop ped " "I never told of any thing lu my life," -aid Morgan sharply. "My mates here know that That ain't my way. My way's pemiaslon nnd example, not forcing people to do what 1 want." "There's a purse of fifteen nnd six made up for l lie winner," said I.a: 'tins, tinning away and whispering the news to (iulilis. "The spot for the plcnlc'll lie made known Inter on. Them what's In the know Is respectfully asked to keep their mouths shut to save trouble nil around." He went buck to tils bar, and the oilier men. after standing about a hit, strolled off one by one to their teas. Mr Morgan was one of the last to leae anil vCnt as far as Tarhut's door Willi III 1 1 i to 'll him mi anecdote of a Kin ii who was struck behind the enr lu a light and killed on the spot. A comfortable meal and a good night's rest lestored Mr. (iubbs to his u i.nteil sci cully of mind, and he awoke it ii o'clock feeling determined to shake iii.iids with Tmbut and let the matter Imp A persistent hammering at the loor. which gradually got louder and ii tiler. Interfering with his inedltu tliitis, he ionised Mrs. (iubbs, who was slieping peacefully, and with some inqicrlly hade her get up and stop It. It's Mr Larklns, Joe," said the la ,ly. hastily withdrawing her head from i lie window. Mr. (iubbs sat up lu bed and then with a mighty yawn ro.-e nnd, pushing .pen the easement again, gazed Indig nantly at the siiiall publican, who was -.lauding below keeping up uu luces- ant rapping on the door witli a small aue. "Muriiiuii. V.-. I.aiklus, sir," said liiildis, suilllug "t the cool morning air. "Hello:" said l.arklus, lookiug up. This won't do. yon know; you re wasting lime. You ought to be up and nit by now." " I've changed "iy mliiil," ..ild (Iubbs, leaning out aim speaking In a low voice lo defeat the lutentlous of Mrs, (iubbs, wlio was looking. "1 dreamed I killed Tmbut. and It's give me such a fright Unit I've icsolved not to tight." "Thai's all right," said l.arklus brisk ly. "Urea in always go by contraries." "'Well, there ain't much comfort In that," said (iubbs. who was anxious to get hack to Ills warm bed. sharply You dre.s mid come down," said Larkiiw Imperiously- "You ought to be aslimued of yourself after all the troll hie I'm taking on your behalf." Mr. (iubbs rubbed his eyes ami pou dered. "What's the low el for'" he demanded suspiciously. "Hub you down with after you've bullied," wild the oilier. "lhithedV said Mr. (Julius, with em phasis. 'T.athcdV Whn' for'" Training." replied Mr. I.arklns brief ly "Hurry up." "I don't believe old Mullock's going lo make Tarbut bathe." said Oubhs, shivering. "It's weakening." "You do as you're told." said the au tocratic Larklns. "Itullock don't know nothing about It." Mr. (Iubbs sighed anil withdrew his head and. explaining to his astoulshed wife that he was going for a little stroll, gloomily dressed himself and Joined his tialner below. "Shoulders back." said the small pub lican. "Head up." lie led the way down to the beach nnd. Ignoring the looks of aversion which Mr. (Iubbs bestowed upon the silver sen. stood ' while he disrobed mil peacefully piled his way over the .hlngle to (he edge of the water. It wns a bright morning, but somewhat ehlll, nnd Mr. (iubb.' breathless eaap nigs furnished nu excellent clew to the teii future of the water. -How do you feel'" Inquired Mr. Uarklns anxiously as he rubbed him down. I feel bad." said the other, shiver- '"-You'll feel belter when you'vo bad viuir run." said l.arklus cheerily. ' "Ad my w-w-wot?" Inquired Mr. (iubbs. staring at him offensively and rubbing himself furiously with the loWel Your run," repeated Urklns stern I, -You don't want your coat. See, hold that. And. mind. I don't want you t g,. rmuilug like n steam engine, or iiuawaj liorsa." I wasn't going to." said (.uhbs. lust irol easv." coutlnued the other, fr alM'iit half a mile. Co o a thai gate over there, then rest twe uiitc,.. and trot back ngaln." His manner wns so dictatorial tlmt M, (iubbs. remembering lu time UU , ,- in the Three Fishers, swallowed "? wa!!!!:l:"h.m US ui-Hi.j a - ------ - , ,t .in,l Pet on" at a i,trauge. weird al "" . . . .. i M reached lieuriy nms r.ioui... -- toward tne inuicaici , a, last, and, after a very long o mluutesj started buck again, In re; Ioue to the semnphorcllke appeals of "lie eniliusinstlc I.arklns. "I've got my work cut out for un I can Me." said the latter, as hli victim. pulling ami blowing, s.tt down on tin giotmd. "But I'll soon get you In trim. inn you can keep quiet about It. I uotit unit llullock to know." "Why not?" deuintided Mr, (iubbs. "Ilecau.se he'd Haiti Tarbut the same vay. ' vild I.arklns, wit ti a cunning giiu. "Well, why shouldn't Tarbut 'ave a doing same as meV" said Mr. (Jubbs vludlcilvely. "Why should 'e be lay llig in couifoit In "Is bed while I'm catching 'arm ballilng and killing my elf running." "UNDER THE SUN." Tht men vrlio hue gone before ui Hive lung the longi we ling. The uordi of our clamorous chorus, They were hctrd ol the indent Itlnr. The chordi ot the Xftt that thrill u. They were struck in the yeirs cone by, And the arrows of death that kill us Are tound where our fathers lie. The tanlty suns; of the preacher Is lanlty still today; The moan ol the stricken creature Hst runs in the woods atway, Hut the songs are worth rcslnginir, With the change o! no single note. And the spoken words are ringing As Ihfy rang In Ihe jears remote. There Is no new road to follow, lote. Nor need there cter be. Tor the old, with Its hill and hollow, love. Is enough for )ou and me, Charlei R. Ilacon In Century. WHAT MODERN SAILORS FEAR .Nut Wln.U mill Sr-nii. but an Ksplo slnn Will i-1, sicuHIm tin- Milp. "Holler explosions are the terror of the seafaring man," said an old time deep water captain. "Such n thing Is had enough ou dry land, but Imagine a catastrophe ot that kind at sea. In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred It means the absolute wiping out of tho craft Itself and every soul on board. "The aveiage landsman would bo greatly shocked in looking over tho maritime records to see how many ves sels disappear each year and leave absolutely no clew to their fate. They run well up to the hundred mark, nnd such a mystery Is not to be explained away by storms. A Chinese typhoon may swoop down like lightning out of a clear sky ami tear a ship to pieces, but some Moating wreckage Is sure to tell the tale. A boiler explosion, on the contrary, will blow a hole as big a- a tallioad tunnel right through the ccn.i r of the hull, anil the stricken vessel simply goes down like a sh.t. Theie Is no time to unfasten a boat from he davits or cut loose a spar. "lu the opinion of seamen, thai Is the story of at least 10 per cent of the ships that leave port and are never heard of again. Luckily tin: modern system ot marine boiler Inspection Is extremely strict and thorough, but it Is Impossible to absolutely prevent carelessness nud fraud, and often enough, no doubt, the fault lies with Ihe engineer. "Thcr Is nn old story of a drunken Scotchman who mistook the ther mometer for the steam gage and 'cuss ed out' the stokers because he couldn't get the pressure above 80. That yarn will hardly hold water, hut I've seen cases almost as bad. I am glad to say, however, that during the past 10 years tlwre lias been a steady diminution of the number of vessels which 'mys teriously disappear.' That Is due, be yond all question, lo the Incnnsed stringency of boiler Inspection and the greater strictness of .xainlnatlons be fore n license l Issued to engineers. Nevertheless there Is still considerable room for Improvement lu Imth branches." New Orleans Times-Democrat. IIiikbpII mill llli SlillKH The late Henry ltussell, the veteran English composer of "Cheer, Hoys, Cheer," and of more than SIM) other songs which were popular In their day, had many amusing experiences when he sang his ballads on various occa sions. Once, after rendering "Woodman, Spare That Tree," a gentleman rose lu the gallery and asked, "Was the tree spared'" On being answered lu the alUrmallve he, with a sigh of heartfelt relief, exclaimed. "Thank Cod for that!" After singing the song of "The Dog Carlo," who Jumped off an Atlantic liner and saved a child's life, ltussell was gravely wnlted upon by n couple of Yorkshire miners, who begged him for a pup. One of Itussell's songs, of which the words were changed In accordance with the altered conditions, Is our na tional antiiem. "Columbia, the detn of the Ocean."-Argonaut. Wmitril to (in to Ollf of III" Wril. tllnKa. The Ilev. Dr. . a prominent cler gyman, relates with much gusto the following story about himself. Ills present wife, by the wny, Is not the wife of Ills youth nor yet of his early manhood, but the lady of his third choice, nnd as a conieqtience Ihe doc tnr'a set of olive branches spring from divers maternal ancestry. "Such n condition of nnnlrs, sain the doctor, "might at times become nmhnrm ssluir excent for the thorough amiability of all eoneerued. I confess. however, to a slightly disconcerted rvniini- when short v before my tliird mnrrlice I was nDiiroacbcd by one of my daughter, a girl of 0 and one who called my second wire moiner, wun the question: 'Papa, will you let mo fn in kpp vou married? I have never been at any of your weddings.' "-Fun. Cullril lo an lUklrr I'lrlil. u'o tvnnrii'P if niiv men with white fckt'is are called to the ministry nfter the fashion described by Hooker T Washington lu his autobiography, lie ny; "A colored man In Alabama, one hot day lo July, while he was at work in a cotton Held, suddenly jIim-I ami looking toward the skies laid, "O Inwd, de cotton am so grassy, du work am to ...,,i i.. uiin nin not so hot dat I b lleve dl darky am called to preach!' " -Chicago Bianuara. Hps rnrd. itinpfciinrii - Judge Snyder made a rule some time ngo that all women their bM In bis court. but I tv that the ordtr la not enforced. Whitehead-No. The women ioik ap pealed to the Judge' wife, and ihe ren dered a dissenting opinion. - Denver New. ALIGHT 1NTIIEYAH13 MRS. GALLUP RECOGNIZtS IN IT HER SUMMONS TO HEAVEN. Unl Slip I'nll. lo (!( Any Intnrnin tlon I'roiti Her lliislniinl in to thr Jlnmipr In WhU-tl She Slmulil Apt AVhpti slip Klitpra Her Home Aiiioiir thp Angeh, ICopyrlgkt. liJ, by C. II. Lewis. When Mr. (Jnllup sat down for the evening, he hud his newspaper ou his knee and Mrs. tlallup was singing "Hock of Ages" nnd clearing away the supper table. He had been rending for a quarter of nn hour when she quietly entered and sat down and said; "Samuel, I don't want to 'disturb you nor mnke you feel bnd, but 1 feel oblig ed to ask you a few questions. Last night nt midnight Mrs. Watklns saw a light moving around In our back yard, It was a light which bobbed up and bobbed down nnd dodged this way and that, and when It finally went out It gave n great wink nnd n splutter. It was what they call a ghost lantern, Samuel, nnd It meant that there would he death lu this house within a week. It'll be my death, of course. I've got '-'7 different ailments, with heart dis ease throwed In, while you are as healthy as a cornfield. Yes; It'll be me, but I'm not weepln over It. I'm slttln right here ns calm as catnip, but I want to know some few things." Mr, Gallup must have known of h?r pn fence, but he wns too deeply Inter ested In his paper to recognize it. He had found nn article which said that n bedbug could bo boiled In water for four hours and then come out with his ambition undaunted. 'I shall go to heaven when I die, of course." continued Mrs, (inllup ns her voice broke a little. "1 orter go there. Any woman who has whitewashed the cellar every spring for 27 years, be sides innkln soft soap, cllttln carpet rags, dyeln over old clothes and innkln one corset last her for 111 years, will go to heaven on the Jump. What bothers "I'MSITTI.VllISUTIIEltEASCAt.M AS CATS I r." me, however, Is how I'u. goln to net arter I git there. ou know how com pany alius llfistrates me. If three or fouc of the neighbors come In, I'm al most sure to fall off my cliccr or knock over sunthln. How's It goln to be when I git up there and meet n hull pasture full of angels? There'll bo millions of 'em, Samuel, nnd they'll all he lookln at me and wmderin v "io I am, nnd I'll be so upsot that I'll fall over my own feet." Sho paused to wipe tho tears from her eyes with tho palm of I -r hand, but na -Bho had usked no direct ques tions Mr, Gallup finished tho bug arv. clo and turned to one on the care of clotheslines. "I don't want to bo looked r and p'Intcd out and mado fun of up there," said Mrs. Gallup as she sat with her eyes on the carpet. "All night long last night I couldn't sleep for thlnkln that some of tho nngels would turn up their noses nt mo and want to know what on alrth I was doln there. You remember Sarah Jane Hlxby, who died two years ago? Sarah was snippy and sassy. If she went to heaven, It would be Jest her wny to want to know why I'd come llyln up there, with my rheumatlz and back aches. I'd have to sass her back, and then what would happen? Angels do snss each other sometimes, don't they, Samuel?" If Mr. Gall jp had ever given the mat ter n thought, ho was too busy to dis cuss It. The btatement wns right be fore his eyes that 1,000,000 miles of clothesline went to destruction every year for want of being hung up lu tho wood shed when not In use, and ho was reflecting on the carelessness of hu manity In general. "I may git up to lienven In the night, when nil the angels are asleep, and so Pll slip In all right. 1 hope that'll he the wny, because It'll glie me a chance to kind o' git used to the place before daylight. Do you think they have any breakfast up there? Mrs. Wntklns says they don't, but I don't r-iill- see Imw they, git along without It I know I should feel 'i goneness all day without breakfast. And I want you to look at me, Samuel, and see If I'm the hum blyest women ever born. I lime nail that when we die we ure changed as In tho twlnkllu of un eye. 1 hopo it's so It It ain't, then I can't expect no good times up there. Them angels will be p'lntlu out my lp shoulder, my big feet and my wabbly knees nnd wills perln to each other that I'd better staid down on alrth among the cabbages. Nobody as know s mo can call inu obstl nato or sot. but I'll be suummed If I propose to die and become nu nngcl to he made fun of. You'll be on my side about that, won't you?" Mr. Gallup heaved n long sigh and seemed about l speak, but no word came. He had finished with the clothes line and struck an article nbout the reasoning (towers of the crow, and the most direct question from Mrs. Gallup would have passed unheeded. Her tears fell for two or three minutes, and then she asked "And how about the beds uo therev You know we've slept on n feather bed ever since we was married, and I've alius bin particular to smooth It down from head to foot. I've got used to feathers, and If I changed off I'd Jest lay there and kick around all night long. Do they hev beds, Samuel, or do they keep on llyln around nil night long and slngin "I'w- lu ached My Home at I.nst'f" Stems t me that tlylu and sltiglti all du) u"iild be enough unloss I feel stronger than I do now. You orter know tie e things, Samuel, and you orter tell me so I'll know what to depend ou I might stand sass from a thousand ngcls, hut I do want my own lied when night comes, and If one of my headaches comes on unexpected ly I want to know that I kin hcv a cup of ten. Mrs, Watklns says they don't drink tea In heaven, but I don't see how she kin know," Mr. Gallup was not directly appealed to, and as he was rending that a crow had been kiinvtii to feign death to avoid having a crowbar thrown nt hlin he made no sicn. "Waal, I've made up my mind to n few things," said Mrs. Gallup as Hie si lence grew painful, "I'm goln up to heaven to do the best I kin, I'll be nnyburly with nil the nngels I meet nnd let 'em understnnd that I don't want no tuore'n my share of harps and wings nnd tilings. If I don't find nny thin to eat or any beds to sleep on, I shan't raise no fuss nor go Into hyster ics, tho wny Mrs. Taylor did at camp nice tin last year. Yes; I'll put up with things ns 1 find 'em nud make the best of it. and I won't be Jealous If n few of 'em hev better clothes on or kin sing bcttcr'n mo. That's how Pll act, Sam uel, and then If they pick on me they'll git ns good ns they give. I kin lie sassed and picked on Jest so fur, but arter that they want to look out. Would It put you out any, Samuel, If 1 died at night distend of In the dnytline? Ah I said, If I died at night I could slip Into heaven without nny fuss, but if It's goln to make you any extra trouble I'll perish by daylight. What will be the most convenient hour fur you?" Tlirre was deep silence. Mrs. Gal dip's tears made no thud as they fell upon the carpel, and Mr. Gallup was reading with bated breath that an os trich covers 111 feet of ground nt every stride when In full flight. The clock ticked, tho silence grew deeper, and the cricket on the hearth fell Into n doze. Then Mr. Gallup suddenly laid aside his paper, stretched his arms and legs, with a "1 lii-hum!" ami looked around to tlnd Mrs. Gallup asleep In her chair. She hadn't gone lo join the angels -not yet. M. Qi'Ai). THE KING OF HANDCUFFS. lou llnrr; lliinilliil. Viii.-rleim, snr pil.i'il (hi- llrlllsli. When Until lloiiillnl. the American king of handcuffs, arnvi d In Knglmid, he tried to arrange for an exhibit of Ills skill at Scotland Vuul. but I lie authorities refused to allow him an opportunity of putting on or taking olT oUiclnl handcuffs, says London M. A. P. So, accompanied by a skeptical London manager, he paid an ordlnnry cnll as an American visitor to the police heiidqiiarteis. Mr. Houdliil, nfter making the usual lemarks on everything lie saw and heard, casually asked a question about a pair of hand cuffs. The guide took them down and answered: "Oil, these are handcuffs Impossible to remove." Houdliil was greatly Interested, and the Incident closed by the American visitor lequestlng his guide to lock tho hnndciiffs on his wrists. Then he turned his back and succeeded In get ting them oft in a couple of minutes. One of Houdlnl's strangest adven tures happened nt a big hotel In St. Paul, Minn., where he was very well known. To Ids surprise, he found that it couple of men occupying Ihe rooms on either side of his own appeared to be mounting guard over him. At first he only suspected this, but nfter n few dnys ho was perfectly sure Hint one or the other of his neighbors shadowed his every movement. One afternoon, when Houdliil was sitting lu his own room, he heard the sound of scutllliig outside tho door. Flinging It open, he discovered his two unknown friends grasping n third man, who had evi dently been wenring a long dark cape that was dragged on one side, showing that he was heavily handcuffed. "We're n couple of detectives, Mr. Houdliil," panted one of the men. "This fellow made his escape from Jail some days ogo. We knew that lie wouldn't dare to go to a locksmith lo get ids handcuffs removed, nnd we suspected that he might come to you." Thp Corimer'a Two Wrillrla, "Inquests are sometimes very funny affairs," remarked a western man. "I remember one In the early days of my county In Kansas, A man was found dead by the side of a small stream nut on the prattle. No mark was found ou his well diesscd body. Ills gun was fully loaded In his hip pocket, and was found In Ills pocketbook. Of course the coroner look charge of the money. A Jury was Impaneled and after finlslvdig Its deliberations found that the man clearly died of heart fail ure. The coroner promptly paid from the dead man's pile tiic $12 due for ex penses and discharged the Jury. The $18 remaining bothered lilm. He ar gued that to turn that $13 over to the county, to bo held In trust for the man's possible relatives, would he (bet same as throwing It away. 'Ihe man was a strangsr In those parts. Possi bly he had no friends. The coroner was equal to the occa slon. however. He declared himself dissatisfied with the verdict and call ed the Jury together agnln. They sat on the body a second time and found exactly the same verdict, hut thecoTn uer's mind was nt case. The $25 was ex hnusted."-Washington Star. IrrlimhiK, "So Mrs. Gaylord Insists on n sepnra tlon at last, does she? Well, he has neglected her shamefully." "Oh, slie didn't mind that particular ly" "What was the trouble, then?" "Why, whenever he was a little good to her he was so very virtuous about It (hut she Just couldn't stand It. "-liar Iter's Haznr. The actors' green room Is so called becauiic Its floor In the time of Shake pcarc was always covered with green rushes IIMInlnu Kudu. The only tru vorthy divining. rod that bus ever been made Is fortunately cheap. It has a steel head and a wood en handle and Is shaped something like an anchor. Any man who wants one should go to n hardware storo and ask for a pIckax.-Youth's Companion. A fool forms un alliance with tho straws driven by the wind; n wise man fori is an alliance with the wlnd.-Chl- cago News. The llrst savings bank In the United States was established lu 1810. lllaroarnuluft thp Hook Agent, I "Out books?" slinpped the diminutive gunrd nt the threshold uf tho big ottlce. I "Yes, young mnn, I have hooks," re sponded the woiunii with the portfolio. I "Just step n si ile. I'm uolug In to see youreinplojerk" "Afore yer goes," said the boy, still coveilng the sill, "1 wnnta to tell yer dat de boss Just upset his Ink. He ain't In no lovln mood." "Oh, lie will listen to my demonstra tion." "Maybe he will, but I wants to tell er dat he Just got a telephone call sny In dat burglars had curried off de wnlu hies of his house." "Still 1"- "Den de news Jii't came dat his trot ter run away an smashed up de trap an loachmnn." "That Is very bad, lmt"- "Just nfore yer come a young fellar rushes In nu tells de boss dat his naph tha launch has been fired by tramps." "I sympathize with lilm, nnd mny-be"- "Pe boss goes to look at his watch nn finds de mainspring broken," "Gracious! Itnt" - "Den conies de news dat S nn 7. stock has dropped ) points. De boss finds dat mice has gnawed up his new Insur ance calendar. De glue upsets on a thousand stamps." "Terrible! Yet"- "Hut waltl Just ns you conies up stnlrs de boss nsks over de telephone whether It's n boy or girl. Somebody snys twins nnd" Hut tho book ngent had vanished. The boss came out nnd patted the boy on the bend. "Patsy, you nre n brick! Take the rest ot thr nftemoon off. Here's fare to Lincoln park." Chicago News. (Irpnl llrnnliiK to n llolilnll Pair. "The most remarkable draw I ever saw made at poker was In u Chicago club one night," said a Chicago mini. "There were live of us In a little social game, with a limit of SL'." nnd all Jnck pots. A friend of mine whom I will cnll Jones wns dealing, I was first un der the guns and passed, as did also the two men sitting next. The fifth man we will say Ids name mis Hrown opened the pot for $r. Jones didn't have the shadow of a tiling in his hands, hut he raised Hrown $111, lu tending to stand pat and bluff It out Hrown hud three nces, nud lie enme back at Jones with $10 better "Now, Instead of laying down, as a wise man should lu case like that. Jones determined to see It through He knew, of course, thai it would be use less to try to bluff, so he drew three cards to a king and queen of spades Hrown had drawn two cards to Ids nces nnd hnd got a small pair As a halt he led off the betting with $5. Jones hadn't looked at his hand until Hrown bet. nnd when he picked up Ids cauls he almost fell dead. He had drawn an ace. Jack and leu of spades, making n ro.al Hush. They raised each other bnck and forth until one or the other had nil his money In, nnd when the hands were shown the game broke up right there."--Washington Post. 'I'lip Tllnr lo llrniU (hp Itnle, Theie Is an anecdote In some volume of French thealrlcnl memoirs narrating nn experience of Mile. Clalron, the gieat tragic actress, with a pupil of lieis, a girl of strong natural gifts for the histrionic art. but far too frequent nnd too exuberant In her gesticulation. So when the pupil was once to appear before the '(While In a recitation Mile. Clalron bound the gill's arms to her side by a stlfl ilireaii and sent her thus upon the stage. With the first strong feeling bIic hnd to express the pupil tried to raise tier ai mi;, only to lie restrained by the thread. A do.eii times lu (lie course of liei leeltatlou she was rc cnti'il from milking Ihe gestures she dchlied until at the very end she could stand It no longer ami -a the ellinnx of her euio lou she broke her bonds 'ind swung her hands to her head. When she i miie oft Hie singe, she Weill iilimm.l in wiieie .line, i union was slmidlng In the wings nnd apolo eUeil lot having snapped the thieail. "'.tut Jim did quite light!" nld the teacher "That was tho lime to uinke the gesture, nol before!" Plunder Mat thews hi Harper's Miignzlne A I'hliipap lliilhrr-ln-lnii Murt, "The experiences of a llrltlsh Pilar miK'Isl In CIiIiih" nils I lis- title of an 'iililress 'ii Mi Flank llrowiie, who 'i introduced as the government ami Js III lllillgkdllg As I net r:t 1 1 tilf the ('lilneoe regiild fill 'Hull pleK the leeturet told mi liilcicst Miit iimilier in law story mnn and ii u Hi iniiltii iiii d tin- husband's iimlliei As a t 'ii 1 1 ImIi 1 1 1 t-ii I Hie scene of Ihe nil was openly curcd. Ihe active igeutk weie put to dentil, mul the UH'lliei of the wife was bamhooed. tiiBinliil and "Xlled for her daughter's crime I'm house In which the offend its lived va dug up from the foiimla Hons Moienvei ihe scholars of the dlxtrlci w en- in-( IiiiIi-iI from attending public examinations, and even Hie IliiiglHtlul) 'eie deprived of their of Dee I lie se drastic measures weie de sinned lo retidei the empire filial - Loudon .Sews, It bn im'cii (li'teruilned by the two lioilcM nf the Swiss parliament Unit R nnthiiiiil in I. hnl be established nnd tli il Un- lie .1 i r Ihe aforesaid hank be iji -ii initi'i d h Ihe stale. Hy a small tun i.rll II has been decided that the lieiidii'iii lers i f the bank shall be at .nrleli m. d not nt Pern, ns originally t-uggi tci. The bank will Issue notes of the value of 50 francs nud 100 francs unl u III be oiidticled ns n government "-iinitliiM The number of marine disasters dur lug the j em Is smaller probably than ever befine. An olllclal of the New York Mailtiiue exchange thinks lids Is due to the fuel thai sailing vessels n I o dlHiippiililiig. steam croft being belter able lo lake core of themselves when '" tM-rll. tmiurir nnd Homers In PAPERS OAnD 8TOOK STUAW AND HINDERS' HOAHD BI5sn7-"i-n , First St. Tsl. main 100. I SAN FltANClsCO THE ELK Nicely (urnlshpil roonn liy tho iliiy.week or month iluceil rules, llou'io lias ik-rninorougniy miovnt i-u, u imiiis Kimrcu lo inulio visitors from tho country to itie city com lortiiltlo mul nt homo during tholr May Tnl,o Slitter-street enrsnt ferry lsmllng. r'20 HuhIi Street, Sim Pi'iiiicIhoo M15S. IC. M. ItAMSIIV, Proprietor. 1AM MARTIN l'or SKI years wllh f, K. Wfittncy Co. CHAS. CAMM I'nrSycurs with C. K. Whitney Co NEW COMMISSION 1IOUSH. MARTIN, CAMM & CO. t'i I-t'.'il DovIh M., s.an l-'i-miclseo. (iciicpnl Commission nnd Produce. Spooialty, Under, Eggs ami Clice.se. Your rouslKUiiiunl sollcltnl. BAD COLDS iJuliiiiH i liijciirslx-hliiil. Culils itn not uo hmoiulH eniliiii'il. Mi.siua. s Dvnamic T.n lt.i.s i - ii I t'il iisnumlo from ihelr oiicrgy) crowl .: ieru s oiiliniiry lieiilii.int Into 12 hours utij iilurt llio worst of colils over ulKht. "It huh the worst ciimi ot itrir' ever luul. A hultiloriiii Irlcnils Im.l sure cures. Still ItlimiK ou. Ileimt of tho Dvnamii; '1'Alim.Ks. To uii iiiiiiiri-im'iit they stoppis! holli inM nnd cough tint llrst nlKht. I emtursu anil recoinmeui' Ihi'in to tho people " lltlirMV Ilt'.NI.K.v, Mi McmlH-r UonitrcsH mul Attorney. 11)1 Huusonn Htivot, Hun rrunclsco. J Jly 7, mm "Winter colds luitii iiluny been serlou tlilnus to mo. They nre luird nud stny fo HKintliH Mm tho Inst uus slopped suddenly liy Mkmiki. s Hvn vwie, "aiiui.km. Iloth idukIi mul cold illMippe.iri-d In n couple of ilnys. No. Ihlnuolsi- does this tor inn " Mur. I'.MMA I.. llnl.l.lN, II MossHt.,81111 rriinclki-ti. Aug.O.Hi ' 1 11(0 iirrtmlhn street from hern Mkmiki.'s IHnuiii- TAHUI.K.s uro inudo. 'Hint Is how I l!rt UkiIc them. They slopcoliNwIthoiit notice I took 11 ilni'ii hones with mo for suit nud fi londs when I wont to Nome. ' II. I Van WlNKI.h, I'upltiillst, :U7 Wushingtou Btreet, San l'rnu clxi'O. August II), ill 11. Sent postpiild for Si cents In slumps b INLAND llltL'd CO . !MI WusliluKlon Stieoi. Sua KnuiclM'ii. Also 011 siilo Uv our locnl iiireul Printers' Snaps. Koohei News Ciihch. Wo htivo novorul hundred piilrs ol then ciihdm. They uro n (rttlu nuiuIIit than lull hIio. wcru UM-d by two loudlug ilnllk'N bi.-fiiro 1,1 no's enmo lu. Thoy arc lust tho kIzo to (lU'llltlltu composition In perfect order. li"ltly cents per pulr Pine Gordon Jobber. Now stylo, H sc lit, H(s-ond-hnud, wllti throw-ort-, In llrnl-cluHs condition. Has ldu Kleum lliturux 11 ml is onu ot the iKist sccond-hiind pruNsos wu tinvotiud for 11 lonK llmu. HlHutttmp. Sccoiid-limid Cylinder. B;.-Onluiiiu ijuarto. Will work IK! ill hour. A liariinln (or 11 country dully. Koine Itoily mul DlHplny Type. Huh uol Neon ono month's uho. Homo ol It luirdly slulncd. Second-bund prices PACIFIC SHIES TVPE FOUNDRY r.08 Cluy Street, S. V. A Fnltlr l-'nr Women. There was once a Woman who FU that her Husband staid Out too I.ate at NlKht. She thcreforo DovUed a Plan to Tine him of this. Her Plan was to lilsc Karly In order to Inniro bU ItetlrliiR Early. "Only In this Way will he ho able to cot Knouch Sleep," she said. Her Husband, who usunlly Kndear. ored to Please her, rose Without Com plaint nt Six O'clock, but Continued lo stny Out I.ate. Perceiving that her Purpose was not Accomplished, the Woman rhnnged the Hour to rive O'clock. "Tho Mnrnlinc Hours are tho llest for Work," sho said, "and I understand that tho Morning Air possesses (ire at Virtues." Her Husband Objected, but Itoso at Plvo, ns she Wished, Still he continued to Como In Late. Then tho Woman fixed the Hour at Tour-thirty. "I have always enjoyed Seeing the Run Itlse," sho snld. "In that Case," said her Husband decidedly, "I Shall Not go to bed At All, since It would Not bo Worth my While. I will Stay up All Night and take my Sleep at My Ofllco In Urn Afternoon. So Wo will have Ilreak fast at Three O'clock If you like." This teaches us that the Early Worm will Tiirn.-Century. I'u 1 1 r or KilrnTNinri, "Ilccauso 1 agreo to undertake your defense," said tho eminent criminal lawyer who hnd been called In, "you will havo to bo perfectly frank with tne and tell 1110 the whole truth. Did you embezzle tho $20,000 you are ac cused of having taken?" "Yes, sir," replied the accused mnn. "I'll not attempt to conceal tho fact from you, I stolo every cent of It." "How much of It havo you still?" "It's all gono but $10." "Young mail," said the eminent law yer, buttoning his overcoat about him and putting on his gloves, "you'd bet ter plead guilty nud throw yourself on tho mercy of tho court." "Pll do It If you say so, sir. What aro you going to charge ino for the advice?" Ten dollars." Chicago Tribune. An odd ceremony took place In Franco not lout; ago In tho baptism of two new bells for tho Church of Prelg line, lu tho department of tho Glronde. Two pretty children, Miles. Mlrvellltt de Olr odor and Odutto do Hraqulllange, were godmothers to tho bells and were dressed respectively In pale blue and Dale 11 1 nk. BLAKE, nlOFFITT & TOWNE