HE PEACEMAKER
By W. W. JA00B3.
Copyright, 1SOO, by W. W. Jacobs.)
Tin' harbor wits crowded with flsh
coi.xtic In every few minutes. Until
tli iiitrntieo wns reached they enmp
(I'luiilinK nloiiB with every appearance
tf i ii-iiv lint then their mainsails rame
l uniiuit down to tlie ucck, ituu tin
with siltllcli'tit way left on them
Ul .til ciudl.v over the still water nud
feit 'uiir way to a berth.
Si mil boats conveyed the llsh to the
qua wuoie usiiormeii were upprnis
n.' tne catch with a wisdom beyond
their jears.
rime wax a glut of whiting; ho
tiitiuj wliltlMB and going so cheaply
that ! was enough to make them bite
tlii ir talis from sheer nnnoyance. Small
dai -h. which slid away from their
1)11! win cm cfully looked after and
oacd I ,ick with the too of a sen boot,
Hi w-1 1 1 1 1 1 1 slid away unnoticed until
iln3 vanished from mortal ken lu the
pinkits of predatory urchins.
In tlu Mimll market a short, red
faced man with scarlet beard reached
in a dlsparaBlUB fashion from heap to
heap tt.in a favorite brier In lieu of a
hummer to knock down such fish as
found bidders. The latter were few
anil wni'. and. inmlng a deaf ear to
eloquence, ixpicsscd In crude Kngllsh
opinions distasteful to nn auctioneer's
ear
The sense of the meeting being
against him. the auctioneer tacked to
It and. coiulUB to another heap con
sisting of the selection of the most un
desirable llsh that swim Ilrltaiiula's
realm gassed at It Indignantly. There
was a t It t it behind him, and he voiced
his wrath Impetuously.
"That's .loe (lulibs' catch," he bawl
ed 'S'clp me, I'd know that man's
luck anywhere."
He turned the llsh over scornfully
with Ids foot and with n severe glance
nt the hapless (iubbs moved away to
something more salable.
"Where d'ye get 'em from. OuhbsV"
Inquired an aggravating voice. "We
never get such things In our nets. I've,
never seen some of them things
afore."
There's a lot you ain't seen, Hob
Tarbut" said (Iubbs, turning upon
linn and what you do see don't do
on much good."
"I d be ashamed to bring home such
n niei r looking lot." Jeered the other.
"Iwl I lull hlmf he Inquired in a uhU
jtcr.
"They mayn't be up to much, but
tli 'e's none on 'em would care to
cliange faces with you, I expect," re
torted (! tilths,
"oti leave my face alone," said Tar
hut whose physiognomy was much
used In the village for purposes of coin
par sou
" V skate's handsome to you," said
(Iubbs, following up his advantage.
He Jumped back suddenly as the list
of the sensitive Tarbut shot violently
out and, treading on a small tlf.u. whirl
ed around wildly with his hands In the
ulr in the effort to retain his balance
and sat down heavily. The bystanders
Instantly sepntnted Into two groups,
and two or three anxious sympathizers
helpe ' the falleu man to his feet and
Imhcated those parts of Tarhut's frame
which, lu their opinion, were least
adapted to offer resistance to Ids list.
"Stand up." said (iubbs sternly as he
Minok himself free from these friends.
I am a standing up," said Tarbut,
breathing hard
The two combatants approached each
otlici stealthily and, maneuvering
louud the heaps of llsh. struck safely
at each other over these convenient
barriers.
(let 'em In the road!' said an excit
ed vole riiey can't 'urt each other
here "
A dozen kindly hands helped them
there and. finding too much strategy
f r hport In n large ring, at the bidding
uf the resourceful Individual who had
lat spoken, gradually made It smaller
nud smaller Two or three small blows
vanned the combatants, and they set
'j work In earnest. Then (iubbs, under
a 1 1, ivy blow from Tarbut, went to the
en mid and staid there.
It was three minutes before he came
thoroughly round, and then he sat up
hi a dazed fashion and looked round
for Ids opponent.
"bid I kill 'ImT he Inquired In a
whisper
"No; not quite," said one of his
'"tends gently.
fiiibbs rubbed his eyes. "What are
they patting him on the back fori" he
Inquired, eyltig the group who were
making n fuss over Tarbut.
" 'Cos he's won," said his friend.
'iubbs staggered to his feet.
1 It's no good," Raid tho landlord of
t'ie Three Fishers, who had run ove
to the w ir of the fray. "You wn"
properly trained, jou know. Now,
Jofc 'ere- if j-0u put yourself lu my
land-. In three weeks you cau beat
w holler."
V u do as Mr. Lnrklus fees, Joe,"
1 his friend Impressively.
I I ved among prizefighters afore I
mw down 'ere." said Mr. Lnrklns,
'i mdiug lug small frame. "In three
r' ' ks tune, (iubbs, you'll be able to
k hmi silly."
Will, what about Tarbut; he ought
y be tralm-d, too," said one of the men.
rar play's fair play any day."
' I II tram Im," f.ald an old ex-coast
euarddiuuit
"I don't want no training," said Tar
but surlily. 'Tve beat Mm. I,,,, -i
easy."
"Well, beat 'lin again, Tarbut." suld
one or ins friends, -m put my Bve
i.iiu uu juu, n uo ii tate mey"
For the next live minutes, heedless
of the assertions of both men that they
wouldn't tight any more, bets wern
fieely taken. Tarbut, lu view of his
recent success, being a hot favorite.
A Jarring element was Introduced
Into the proceedings i,y n small elder
ly man wearing a piece of blue ribbon,
who. pushing his nny In eagerly. In
quired what it was all about. Noltody
troubling to give lilm n correct nnswer.
lie tried to solve it for himself, and wns
then caught. Just h the nick of time,
trvlng to make the iieniles shake
hands.
"You go off to jour mothers' meet
ing. Peter Morgan." said nn Incensed
voice.
"It's a light," said the little man.
raising Ills voice. "Oil. my frleuiU"-
"It's nothing of the kind," said Lar
klus hotly. "I'm training eui for a
race, that's all. They're Just going to
see who's the best runner,"
Morgan, disregarding the publican,
looked to others for Information,
"It's quite right." said a bystander.
"ion can believe tne, can t you?"
"Wlien's It going to be?" asked Mor
.in ' I don't know," said the other, turn-
i mi nwnj
ou (Might to lie ashamed of your
-elves, said Morgan warmly. "It's
I enough to make a couple of men
:i ;lit what dim t want to without tell
in: a lot of lies about It."
"If.-, none of your business," said
i .a i klus surlily. "Ask no questions
I'i'l you'll have uo lies. You'll get
'iiie Idea Into that 'cad of yours nud
Mien go nnd split and have It stop
ped "
"I never told of any thing lu my life,"
-aid Morgan sharply. "My mates here
know that That ain't my way. My
way's pemiaslon nnd example, not
forcing people to do what 1 want."
"There's a purse of fifteen nnd six
made up for l lie winner," said I.a: 'tins,
tinning away and whispering the news
to (iulilis. "The spot for the plcnlc'll
lie made known Inter on. Them what's
In the know Is respectfully asked to
keep their mouths shut to save trouble
nil around."
He went buck to tils bar, and the
oilier men. after standing about a hit,
strolled off one by one to their teas.
Mr Morgan was one of the last to
leae anil vCnt as far as Tarhut's door
Willi III 1 1 i to 'll him mi anecdote of a
Kin ii who was struck behind the enr
lu a light and killed on the spot.
A comfortable meal and a good
night's rest lestored Mr. (iubbs to his
u i.nteil sci cully of mind, and he awoke
it ii o'clock feeling determined to shake
iii.iids with Tmbut and let the matter
Imp A persistent hammering at the
loor. which gradually got louder and
ii tiler. Interfering with his inedltu
tliitis, he ionised Mrs. (iubbs, who was
slieping peacefully, and with some
inqicrlly hade her get up and stop It.
It's Mr Larklns, Joe," said the la
,ly. hastily withdrawing her head from
i lie window.
Mr. (iubbs sat up lu bed and then
with a mighty yawn ro.-e nnd, pushing
.pen the easement again, gazed Indig
nantly at the siiiall publican, who was
-.lauding below keeping up uu luces-
ant rapping on the door witli a small
aue.
"Muriiiuii. V.-. I.aiklus, sir," said
liiildis, suilllug "t the cool morning air.
"Hello:" said l.arklus, lookiug up.
This won't do. yon know; you re
wasting lime. You ought to be up and
nit by now."
" I've changed "iy mliiil," ..ild (Iubbs,
leaning out aim speaking In a low
voice lo defeat the lutentlous of Mrs,
(iubbs, wlio was looking. "1 dreamed
I killed Tmbut. and It's give me such a
fright Unit I've icsolved not to tight."
"Thai's all right," said l.arklus brisk
ly. "Urea in always go by contraries."
"'Well, there ain't much comfort In
that," said (iubbs. who was anxious to
get hack to Ills warm bed. sharply
You dre.s mid come down," said
Larkiiw Imperiously- "You ought to be
aslimued of yourself after all the troll
hie I'm taking on your behalf."
Mr. (iubbs rubbed his eyes ami pou
dered. "What's the low el for'" he
demanded suspiciously.
"Hub you down with after you've
bullied," wild the oilier.
"lhithedV said Mr. (Julius, with em
phasis. 'T.athcdV Whn' for'"
Training." replied Mr. I.arklns brief
ly "Hurry up."
"I don't believe old Mullock's going
lo make Tarbut bathe." said Oubhs,
shivering. "It's weakening."
"You do as you're told." said the au
tocratic Larklns. "Itullock don't know
nothing about It."
Mr. (Iubbs sighed anil withdrew his
head and. explaining to his astoulshed
wife that he was going for a little
stroll, gloomily dressed himself and
Joined his tialner below.
"Shoulders back." said the small pub
lican. "Head up."
lie led the way down to the beach
nnd. Ignoring the looks of aversion
which Mr. (Iubbs bestowed upon the
silver sen. stood ' while he disrobed
mil peacefully piled his way over the
.hlngle to (he edge of the water. It
wns a bright morning, but somewhat
ehlll, nnd Mr. (iubb.' breathless eaap
nigs furnished nu excellent clew to the
teii future of the water.
-How do you feel'" Inquired Mr.
Uarklns anxiously as he rubbed him
down.
I feel bad." said the other, shiver-
'"-You'll feel belter when you'vo bad
viuir run." said l.arklus cheerily.
' "Ad my w-w-wot?" Inquired Mr.
(iubbs. staring at him offensively and
rubbing himself furiously with the
loWel
Your run," repeated Urklns stern
I, -You don't want your coat. See,
hold that. And. mind. I don't want you
t g,. rmuilug like n steam engine, or
iiuawaj liorsa."
I wasn't going to." said (.uhbs.
lust irol easv." coutlnued the other,
fr alM'iit half a mile. Co o a
thai gate over there, then rest twe
uiitc,.. and trot back ngaln."
His manner wns so dictatorial tlmt
M, (iubbs. remembering lu time UU
, ,- in the Three Fishers, swallowed
"? wa!!!!:l:"h.m
US ui-Hi.j a - ------ - , ,t
.in,l Pet on" at a i,trauge. weird al
"" . . . .. i M reached
lieuriy nms r.ioui... --
toward tne inuicaici
, a, last, and, after a very long o
mluutesj started buck again, In re;
Ioue to the semnphorcllke appeals of
"lie eniliusinstlc I.arklns.
"I've got my work cut out for un I
can Me." said the latter, as hli victim.
pulling ami blowing, s.tt down on tin
giotmd. "But I'll soon get you In trim.
inn you can keep quiet about It. I
uotit unit llullock to know."
"Why not?" deuintided Mr, (iubbs.
"Ilecau.se he'd Haiti Tarbut the same
vay. ' vild I.arklns, wit ti a cunning
giiu.
"Well, why shouldn't Tarbut 'ave
a doing same as meV" said Mr. (Jubbs
vludlcilvely. "Why should 'e be lay
llig in couifoit In "Is bed while I'm
catching 'arm ballilng and killing my
elf running."
"UNDER THE SUN."
Tht men vrlio hue gone before ui
Hive lung the longi we ling.
The uordi of our clamorous chorus,
They were hctrd ol the indent Itlnr.
The chordi ot the Xftt that thrill u.
They were struck in the yeirs cone by,
And the arrows of death that kill us
Are tound where our fathers lie.
The tanlty suns; of the preacher
Is lanlty still today;
The moan ol the stricken creature
Hst runs in the woods atway,
Hut the songs are worth rcslnginir,
With the change o! no single note.
And the spoken words are ringing
As Ihfy rang In Ihe jears remote.
There Is no new road to follow, lote.
Nor need there cter be.
Tor the old, with Its hill and hollow, love.
Is enough for )ou and me,
Charlei R. Ilacon In Century.
WHAT MODERN SAILORS FEAR
.Nut Wln.U mill Sr-nii. but an Ksplo
slnn Will i-1, sicuHIm tin- Milp.
"Holler explosions are the terror of
the seafaring man," said an old time
deep water captain. "Such n thing Is
had enough ou dry land, but Imagine a
catastrophe ot that kind at sea. In
ninety-nine cases out of a hundred It
means the absolute wiping out of tho
craft Itself and every soul on board.
"The aveiage landsman would bo
greatly shocked in looking over tho
maritime records to see how many ves
sels disappear each year and leave
absolutely no clew to their fate. They
run well up to the hundred mark, nnd
such a mystery Is not to be explained
away by storms. A Chinese typhoon
may swoop down like lightning out of
a clear sky ami tear a ship to pieces,
but some Moating wreckage Is sure to
tell the tale. A boiler explosion, on the
contrary, will blow a hole as big a- a
tallioad tunnel right through the ccn.i r
of the hull, anil the stricken vessel
simply goes down like a sh.t. Theie
Is no time to unfasten a boat from he
davits or cut loose a spar.
"lu the opinion of seamen, thai Is
the story of at least 10 per cent of the
ships that leave port and are never
heard of again. Luckily tin: modern
system ot marine boiler Inspection
Is extremely strict and thorough, but it
Is Impossible to absolutely prevent
carelessness nud fraud, and often
enough, no doubt, the fault lies with
Ihe engineer.
"Thcr Is nn old story of a drunken
Scotchman who mistook the ther
mometer for the steam gage and 'cuss
ed out' the stokers because he couldn't
get the pressure above 80. That yarn
will hardly hold water, hut I've seen
cases almost as bad. I am glad to say,
however, that during the past 10 years
tlwre lias been a steady diminution of
the number of vessels which 'mys
teriously disappear.' That Is due, be
yond all question, lo the Incnnsed
stringency of boiler Inspection and the
greater strictness of .xainlnatlons be
fore n license l Issued to engineers.
Nevertheless there Is still considerable
room for Improvement lu Imth
branches." New Orleans Times-Democrat.
IIiikbpII mill llli SlillKH
The late Henry ltussell, the veteran
English composer of "Cheer, Hoys,
Cheer," and of more than SIM) other
songs which were popular In their day,
had many amusing experiences when
he sang his ballads on various occa
sions. Once, after rendering "Woodman,
Spare That Tree," a gentleman rose lu
the gallery and asked, "Was the tree
spared'" On being answered lu the
alUrmallve he, with a sigh of heartfelt
relief, exclaimed. "Thank Cod for
that!"
After singing the song of "The Dog
Carlo," who Jumped off an Atlantic
liner and saved a child's life, ltussell
was gravely wnlted upon by n couple
of Yorkshire miners, who begged him
for a pup.
One of Itussell's songs, of which the
words were changed In accordance
with the altered conditions, Is our na
tional antiiem. "Columbia, the detn of
the Ocean."-Argonaut.
Wmitril to (in to Ollf of III" Wril.
tllnKa.
The Ilev. Dr. . a prominent cler
gyman, relates with much gusto the
following story about himself. Ills
present wife, by the wny, Is not the
wife of Ills youth nor yet of his early
manhood, but the lady of his third
choice, nnd as a conieqtience Ihe doc
tnr'a set of olive branches spring from
divers maternal ancestry.
"Such n condition of nnnlrs, sain
the doctor, "might at times become
nmhnrm ssluir excent for the thorough
amiability of all eoneerued. I confess.
however, to a slightly disconcerted
rvniini- when short v before my tliird
mnrrlice I was nDiiroacbcd by one of
my daughter, a girl of 0 and one who
called my second wire moiner, wun
the question: 'Papa, will you let mo
fn in kpp vou married? I have never
been at any of your weddings.' "-Fun.
Cullril lo an lUklrr I'lrlil.
u'o tvnnrii'P if niiv men with white
fckt'is are called to the ministry nfter
the fashion described by Hooker T
Washington lu his autobiography, lie
ny; "A colored man In Alabama, one
hot day lo July, while he was at work
in a cotton Held, suddenly jIim-I ami
looking toward the skies laid, "O Inwd,
de cotton am so grassy, du work am to
...,,i i.. uiin nin not so hot dat I
b lleve dl darky am called to preach!' "
-Chicago Bianuara.
Hps rnrd.
itinpfciinrii - Judge Snyder made a
rule some time ngo that all women
their bM In bis court.
but I tv that the ordtr la not enforced.
Whitehead-No. The women ioik ap
pealed to the Judge' wife, and ihe ren
dered a dissenting opinion. - Denver
New.
ALIGHT 1NTIIEYAH13
MRS. GALLUP RECOGNIZtS IN IT HER
SUMMONS TO HEAVEN.
Unl Slip I'nll. lo (!( Any Intnrnin
tlon I'roiti Her lliislniinl in to thr
Jlnmipr In WhU-tl She Slmulil Apt
AVhpti slip Klitpra Her Home Aiiioiir
thp Angeh,
ICopyrlgkt. liJ, by C. II. Lewis.
When Mr. (Jnllup sat down for the
evening, he hud his newspaper ou his
knee and Mrs. tlallup was singing
"Hock of Ages" nnd clearing away the
supper table. He had been rending for
a quarter of nn hour when she quietly
entered and sat down and said;
"Samuel, I don't want to 'disturb you
nor mnke you feel bnd, but 1 feel oblig
ed to ask you a few questions. Last
night nt midnight Mrs. Watklns saw a
light moving around In our back yard,
It was a light which bobbed up and
bobbed down nnd dodged this way and
that, and when It finally went out It
gave n great wink nnd n splutter. It
was what they call a ghost lantern,
Samuel, nnd It meant that there would
he death lu this house within a week.
It'll be my death, of course. I've got
'-'7 different ailments, with heart dis
ease throwed In, while you are as
healthy as a cornfield. Yes; It'll be me,
but I'm not weepln over It. I'm slttln
right here ns calm as catnip, but I
want to know some few things."
Mr, Gallup must have known of h?r
pn fence, but he wns too deeply Inter
ested In his paper to recognize it. He
had found nn article which said that n
bedbug could bo boiled In water for
four hours and then come out with his
ambition undaunted.
'I shall go to heaven when I die, of
course." continued Mrs, (inllup ns her
voice broke a little. "1 orter go there.
Any woman who has whitewashed the
cellar every spring for 27 years, be
sides innkln soft soap, cllttln carpet
rags, dyeln over old clothes and innkln
one corset last her for 111 years, will go
to heaven on the Jump. What bothers
"I'MSITTI.VllISUTIIEltEASCAt.M AS CATS I r."
me, however, Is how I'u. goln to net
arter I git there. ou know how com
pany alius llfistrates me. If three or
fouc of the neighbors come In, I'm al
most sure to fall off my cliccr or knock
over sunthln. How's It goln to be when
I git up there and meet n hull pasture
full of angels? There'll bo millions of
'em, Samuel, nnd they'll all he lookln at
me and wmderin v "io I am, nnd I'll be
so upsot that I'll fall over my own
feet."
Sho paused to wipe tho tears from
her eyes with tho palm of I -r hand,
but na -Bho had usked no direct ques
tions Mr, Gallup finished tho bug arv.
clo and turned to one on the care of
clotheslines.
"I don't want to bo looked r and
p'Intcd out and mado fun of up there,"
said Mrs. Gallup as she sat with her
eyes on the carpet. "All night long last
night I couldn't sleep for thlnkln that
some of tho nngels would turn up their
noses nt mo and want to know what on
alrth I was doln there. You remember
Sarah Jane Hlxby, who died two years
ago? Sarah was snippy and sassy. If
she went to heaven, It would be Jest
her wny to want to know why I'd come
llyln up there, with my rheumatlz and
back aches. I'd have to sass her back,
and then what would happen? Angels
do snss each other sometimes, don't
they, Samuel?"
If Mr. Gall jp had ever given the mat
ter n thought, ho was too busy to dis
cuss It. The btatement wns right be
fore his eyes that 1,000,000 miles of
clothesline went to destruction every
year for want of being hung up lu tho
wood shed when not In use, and ho was
reflecting on the carelessness of hu
manity In general.
"I may git up to lienven In the night,
when nil the angels are asleep, and so
Pll slip In all right. 1 hope that'll he
the wny, because It'll glie me a chance
to kind o' git used to the place before
daylight. Do you think they have any
breakfast up there? Mrs. Wntklns says
they don't, but I don't r-iill- see Imw
they, git along without It I know I
should feel 'i goneness all day without
breakfast. And I want you to look at
me, Samuel, and see If I'm the hum
blyest women ever born. I lime nail
that when we die we ure changed as In
tho twlnkllu of un eye. 1 hopo it's so
It It ain't, then I can't expect no good
times up there. Them angels will be
p'lntlu out my lp shoulder, my big
feet and my wabbly knees nnd wills
perln to each other that I'd better staid
down on alrth among the cabbages.
Nobody as know s mo can call inu obstl
nato or sot. but I'll be suummed If I
propose to die and become nu nngcl to
he made fun of. You'll be on my side
about that, won't you?"
Mr. Gallup heaved n long sigh and
seemed about l speak, but no word
came. He had finished with the clothes
line and struck an article nbout the
reasoning (towers of the crow, and the
most direct question from Mrs. Gallup
would have passed unheeded. Her
tears fell for two or three minutes, and
then she asked
"And how about the beds uo therev
You know we've slept on n feather bed
ever since we was married, and I've
alius bin particular to smooth It down
from head to foot. I've got used to
feathers, and If I changed off I'd Jest
lay there and kick around all night
long. Do they hev beds, Samuel, or do
they keep on llyln around nil night long
and slngin "I'w- lu ached My Home at
I.nst'f" Stems t me that tlylu and
sltiglti all du) u"iild be enough unloss
I feel stronger than I do now. You
orter know tie e things, Samuel, and
you orter tell me so I'll know what to
depend ou I might stand sass from a
thousand ngcls, hut I do want my
own lied when night comes, and If one
of my headaches comes on unexpected
ly I want to know that I kin hcv a cup
of ten. Mrs, Watklns says they don't
drink tea In heaven, but I don't see
how she kin know,"
Mr. Gallup was not directly appealed
to, and as he was rending that a crow
had been kiinvtii to feign death to avoid
having a crowbar thrown nt hlin he
made no sicn.
"Waal, I've made up my mind to n
few things," said Mrs. Gallup as Hie si
lence grew painful, "I'm goln up to
heaven to do the best I kin, I'll be
nnyburly with nil the nngels I meet
nnd let 'em understnnd that I don't
want no tuore'n my share of harps and
wings nnd tilings. If I don't find nny
thin to eat or any beds to sleep on, I
shan't raise no fuss nor go Into hyster
ics, tho wny Mrs. Taylor did at camp
nice tin last year. Yes; I'll put up with
things ns 1 find 'em nud make the best
of it. and I won't be Jealous If n few of
'em hev better clothes on or kin sing
bcttcr'n mo. That's how Pll act, Sam
uel, and then If they pick on me they'll
git ns good ns they give. I kin lie
sassed and picked on Jest so fur, but
arter that they want to look out.
Would It put you out any, Samuel, If 1
died at night distend of In the dnytline?
Ah I said, If I died at night I could slip
Into heaven without nny fuss, but if
It's goln to make you any extra trouble
I'll perish by daylight. What will be
the most convenient hour fur you?"
Tlirre was deep silence. Mrs. Gal
dip's tears made no thud as they fell
upon the carpel, and Mr. Gallup was
reading with bated breath that an os
trich covers 111 feet of ground nt every
stride when In full flight. The clock
ticked, tho silence grew deeper, and
the cricket on the hearth fell Into n
doze. Then Mr. Gallup suddenly laid
aside his paper, stretched his arms and
legs, with a "1 lii-hum!" ami looked
around to tlnd Mrs. Gallup asleep In
her chair. She hadn't gone lo join the
angels -not yet. M. Qi'Ai).
THE KING OF HANDCUFFS.
lou llnrr; lliinilliil. Viii.-rleim, snr
pil.i'il (hi- llrlllsli.
When Until lloiiillnl. the American
king of handcuffs, arnvi d In Knglmid,
he tried to arrange for an exhibit of
Ills skill at Scotland Vuul. but I lie
authorities refused to allow him an
opportunity of putting on or taking olT
oUiclnl handcuffs, says London M. A.
P. So, accompanied by a skeptical
London manager, he paid an ordlnnry
cnll as an American visitor to the
police heiidqiiarteis. Mr. Houdliil,
nfter making the usual lemarks on
everything lie saw and heard, casually
asked a question about a pair of hand
cuffs. The guide took them down and
answered:
"Oil, these are handcuffs Impossible
to remove."
Houdliil was greatly Interested, and
the Incident closed by the American
visitor lequestlng his guide to lock tho
hnndciiffs on his wrists. Then he
turned his back and succeeded In get
ting them oft in a couple of minutes.
One of Houdlnl's strangest adven
tures happened nt a big hotel In St.
Paul, Minn., where he was very well
known. To Ids surprise, he found that
it couple of men occupying Ihe rooms
on either side of his own appeared to
be mounting guard over him. At first
he only suspected this, but nfter n few
dnys ho was perfectly sure Hint one
or the other of his neighbors shadowed
his every movement. One afternoon,
when Houdliil was sitting lu his own
room, he heard the sound of scutllliig
outside tho door. Flinging It open, he
discovered his two unknown friends
grasping n third man, who had evi
dently been wenring a long dark cape
that was dragged on one side, showing
that he was heavily handcuffed.
"We're n couple of detectives, Mr.
Houdliil," panted one of the men.
"This fellow made his escape from Jail
some days ogo. We knew that lie
wouldn't dare to go to a locksmith lo
get ids handcuffs removed, nnd we
suspected that he might come to you."
Thp Corimer'a Two Wrillrla,
"Inquests are sometimes very funny
affairs," remarked a western man. "I
remember one In the early days of my
county In Kansas, A man was found
dead by the side of a small stream nut
on the prattle. No mark was found
ou his well diesscd body. Ills gun
was fully loaded In his hip pocket, and
was found In Ills pocketbook. Of
course the coroner look charge of the
money. A Jury was Impaneled and
after finlslvdig Its deliberations found
that the man clearly died of heart fail
ure. The coroner promptly paid from the
dead man's pile tiic $12 due for ex
penses and discharged the Jury. The
$18 remaining bothered lilm. He ar
gued that to turn that $13 over to the
county, to bo held In trust for the
man's possible relatives, would he (bet
same as throwing It away. 'Ihe man
was a strangsr In those parts. Possi
bly he had no friends.
The coroner was equal to the occa
slon. however. He declared himself
dissatisfied with the verdict and call
ed the Jury together agnln. They sat
on the body a second time and found
exactly the same verdict, hut thecoTn
uer's mind was nt case. The $25 was
ex hnusted."-Washington Star.
IrrlimhiK,
"So Mrs. Gaylord Insists on n sepnra
tlon at last, does she? Well, he has
neglected her shamefully."
"Oh, slie didn't mind that particular
ly"
"What was the trouble, then?"
"Why, whenever he was a little good
to her he was so very virtuous about It
(hut she Just couldn't stand It. "-liar
Iter's Haznr.
The actors' green room Is so called
becauiic Its floor In the time of Shake
pcarc was always covered with green
rushes
IIMInlnu Kudu.
The only tru vorthy divining. rod
that bus ever been made Is fortunately
cheap. It has a steel head and a wood
en handle and Is shaped something like
an anchor. Any man who wants one
should go to n hardware storo and ask
for a pIckax.-Youth's Companion.
A fool forms un alliance with tho
straws driven by the wind; n wise man
fori is an alliance with the wlnd.-Chl-
cago News.
The llrst savings bank In the United
States was established lu 1810.
lllaroarnuluft thp Hook Agent,
I "Out books?" slinpped the diminutive
gunrd nt the threshold uf tho big ottlce.
I "Yes, young mnn, I have hooks," re
sponded the woiunii with the portfolio.
I "Just step n si ile. I'm uolug In to see
youreinplojerk"
"Afore yer goes," said the boy, still
coveilng the sill, "1 wnnta to tell yer
dat de boss Just upset his Ink. He ain't
In no lovln mood."
"Oh, lie will listen to my demonstra
tion." "Maybe he will, but I wants to tell
er dat he Just got a telephone call sny
In dat burglars had curried off de wnlu
hies of his house."
"Still 1"-
"Den de news Jii't came dat his trot
ter run away an smashed up de trap an
loachmnn."
"That Is very bad, lmt"-
"Just nfore yer come a young fellar
rushes In nu tells de boss dat his naph
tha launch has been fired by tramps."
"I sympathize with lilm, nnd mny-be"-
"Pe boss goes to look at his watch nn
finds de mainspring broken,"
"Gracious! Itnt" -
"Den conies de news dat S nn 7. stock
has dropped ) points. De boss finds
dat mice has gnawed up his new Insur
ance calendar. De glue upsets on a
thousand stamps."
"Terrible! Yet"-
"Hut waltl Just ns you conies up
stnlrs de boss nsks over de telephone
whether It's n boy or girl. Somebody
snys twins nnd"
Hut tho book ngent had vanished.
The boss came out nnd patted the boy
on the bend.
"Patsy, you nre n brick! Take the
rest ot thr nftemoon off. Here's fare
to Lincoln park." Chicago News.
(Irpnl llrnnliiK to n llolilnll Pair.
"The most remarkable draw I ever
saw made at poker was In u Chicago
club one night," said a Chicago mini.
"There were live of us In a little social
game, with a limit of SL'." nnd all Jnck
pots. A friend of mine whom I will
cnll Jones wns dealing, I was first un
der the guns and passed, as did also
the two men sitting next. The fifth
man we will say Ids name mis Hrown
opened the pot for $r. Jones didn't
have the shadow of a tiling in his
hands, hut he raised Hrown $111, lu
tending to stand pat and bluff It out
Hrown hud three nces, nud lie enme
back at Jones with $10 better
"Now, Instead of laying down, as a
wise man should lu case like that.
Jones determined to see It through He
knew, of course, thai it would be use
less to try to bluff, so he drew three
cards to a king and queen of spades
Hrown had drawn two cards to Ids
nces nnd hnd got a small pair As a
halt he led off the betting with $5.
Jones hadn't looked at his hand until
Hrown bet. nnd when he picked up Ids
cauls he almost fell dead. He had
drawn an ace. Jack and leu of spades,
making n ro.al Hush. They raised each
other bnck and forth until one or the
other had nil his money In, nnd when
the hands were shown the game broke
up right there."--Washington Post.
'I'lip Tllnr lo llrniU (hp Itnle,
Theie Is an anecdote In some volume
of French thealrlcnl memoirs narrating
nn experience of Mile. Clalron, the
gieat tragic actress, with a pupil of
lieis, a girl of strong natural gifts for
the histrionic art. but far too frequent
nnd too exuberant In her gesticulation.
So when the pupil was once to appear
before the '(While In a recitation Mile.
Clalron bound the gill's arms to her
side by a stlfl ilireaii and sent her thus
upon the stage.
With the first strong feeling bIic hnd
to express the pupil tried to raise tier
ai mi;, only to lie restrained by the
thread. A do.eii times lu (lie course of
liei leeltatlou she was rc cnti'il from
milking Ihe gestures she dchlied until
at the very end she could stand It no
longer ami -a the ellinnx of her euio
lou she broke her bonds 'ind swung
her hands to her head.
When she i miie oft Hie singe, she
Weill iilimm.l in wiieie .line, i union
was slmidlng In the wings nnd apolo
eUeil lot having snapped the thieail.
"'.tut Jim did quite light!" nld the
teacher "That was tho lime to uinke
the gesture, nol before!" Plunder Mat
thews hi Harper's Miignzlne
A I'hliipap lliilhrr-ln-lnii Murt,
"The experiences of a llrltlsh Pilar
miK'Isl In CIiIiih" nils I lis- title of an
'iililress 'ii Mi Flank llrowiie, who
'i introduced as the government ami
Js III lllillgkdllg
As I net r:t 1 1 tilf the ('lilneoe regiild fill
'Hull pleK the leeturet told mi liilcicst
Miit iimilier in law story mnn and
ii u Hi iniiltii iiii d tin- husband's
iimlliei As a t 'ii 1 1 ImIi 1 1 1 t-ii I Hie scene of
Ihe nil was openly curcd. Ihe active
igeutk weie put to dentil, mul the
UH'lliei of the wife was bamhooed.
tiiBinliil and "Xlled for her daughter's
crime I'm house In which the offend
its lived va dug up from the foiimla
Hons Moienvei ihe scholars of the
dlxtrlci w en- in-( IiiiIi-iI from attending
public examinations, and even Hie
IliiiglHtlul) 'eie deprived of their of
Dee I lie se drastic measures weie de
sinned lo retidei the empire filial -
Loudon .Sews,
It bn im'cii (li'teruilned by the two
lioilcM nf the Swiss parliament Unit R
nnthiiiiil in I. hnl be established nnd
tli il Un- lie .1 i r Ihe aforesaid hank be
iji -ii initi'i d h Ihe stale. Hy a small
tun i.rll II has been decided that the
lieiidii'iii lers i f the bank shall be at
.nrleli m. d not nt Pern, ns originally
t-uggi tci. The bank will Issue notes
of the value of 50 francs nud 100 francs
unl u III be oiidticled ns n government
"-iinitliiM
The number of marine disasters dur
lug the j em Is smaller probably than
ever befine. An olllclal of the New
York Mailtiiue exchange thinks lids
Is due to the fuel thai sailing vessels
n I o dlHiippiililiig. steam croft being
belter able lo lake core of themselves
when '" tM-rll.
tmiurir nnd Homers In
PAPERS
OAnD 8TOOK
STUAW AND HINDERS' HOAHD
BI5sn7-"i-n , First St.
Tsl. main 100. I SAN FltANClsCO
THE ELK
Nicely (urnlshpil roonn
liy tho iliiy.week or month
iluceil rules, llou'io lias
ik-rninorougniy miovnt
i-u, u imiiis Kimrcu lo
inulio visitors from tho country to itie city com
lortiiltlo mul nt homo during tholr May Tnl,o
Slitter-street enrsnt ferry lsmllng.
r'20 HuhIi Street, Sim Pi'iiiicIhoo
M15S. IC. M. ItAMSIIV, Proprietor.
1AM MARTIN
l'or SKI years wllh
f, K. Wfittncy Co.
CHAS. CAMM
I'nrSycurs with
C. K. Whitney Co
NEW COMMISSION 1IOUSH.
MARTIN, CAMM & CO.
t'i I-t'.'il DovIh M., s.an l-'i-miclseo.
(iciicpnl Commission nnd
Produce.
Spooialty, Under, Eggs ami Clice.se.
Your rouslKUiiiunl sollcltnl.
BAD COLDS
iJuliiiiH i liijciirslx-hliiil. Culils itn not uo
hmoiulH eniliiii'il. Mi.siua. s Dvnamic T.n
lt.i.s i - ii I t'il iisnumlo from ihelr oiicrgy) crowl
.: ieru s oiiliniiry lieiilii.int Into 12 hours utij
iilurt llio worst of colils over ulKht.
"It huh the worst ciimi ot itrir' ever luul. A
hultiloriiii Irlcnils Im.l sure cures. Still ItlimiK
ou. Ileimt of tho Dvnamii; '1'Alim.Ks. To uii
iiiiiiiri-im'iit they stoppis! holli inM nnd cough
tint llrst nlKht. I emtursu anil recoinmeui'
Ihi'in to tho people " lltlirMV Ilt'.NI.K.v, Mi
McmlH-r UonitrcsH mul Attorney. 11)1 Huusonn
Htivot, Hun rrunclsco. J Jly 7, mm
"Winter colds luitii iiluny been serlou
tlilnus to mo. They nre luird nud stny fo
HKintliH Mm tho Inst uus slopped suddenly
liy Mkmiki. s Hvn vwie, "aiiui.km. Iloth idukIi
mul cold illMippe.iri-d In n couple of ilnys. No.
Ihlnuolsi- does this tor inn " Mur. I'.MMA I..
llnl.l.lN, II MossHt.,81111 rriinclki-ti. Aug.O.Hi
' 1 11(0 iirrtmlhn street from hern Mkmiki.'s
IHnuiii- TAHUI.K.s uro inudo. 'Hint Is how I
l!rt UkiIc them. They slopcoliNwIthoiit notice
I took 11 ilni'ii hones with mo for suit nud fi londs
when I wont to Nome. ' II. I Van WlNKI.h,
I'upltiillst, :U7 Wushingtou Btreet, San l'rnu
clxi'O. August II), ill 11.
Sent postpiild for Si cents In slumps b
INLAND llltL'd CO . !MI WusliluKlon Stieoi.
Sua KnuiclM'ii. Also 011 siilo Uv our locnl iiireul
Printers'
Snaps.
Koohei News Ciihch.
Wo htivo novorul hundred piilrs ol then
ciihdm. They uro n (rttlu nuiuIIit than
lull hIio. wcru UM-d by two loudlug
ilnllk'N bi.-fiiro 1,1 no's enmo lu. Thoy arc
lust tho kIzo to (lU'llltlltu composition
In perfect order. li"ltly cents per pulr
Pine Gordon Jobber.
Now stylo, H sc lit, H(s-ond-hnud, wllti
throw-ort-, In llrnl-cluHs condition. Has
ldu Kleum lliturux 11 ml is onu ot the
iKist sccond-hiind pruNsos wu tinvotiud
for 11 lonK llmu. HlHutttmp.
Sccoiid-limid Cylinder.
B;.-Onluiiiu ijuarto. Will work IK! ill
hour. A liariinln (or 11 country dully.
Koine Itoily mul DlHplny Type.
Huh uol Neon ono month's uho. Homo ol
It luirdly slulncd. Second-bund prices
PACIFIC SHIES TVPE FOUNDRY
r.08 Cluy Street, S. V.
A Fnltlr l-'nr Women.
There was once a Woman who FU
that her Husband staid Out too I.ate
at NlKht. She thcreforo DovUed a
Plan to Tine him of this. Her Plan
was to lilsc Karly In order to Inniro
bU ItetlrliiR Early.
"Only In this Way will he ho able
to cot Knouch Sleep," she said.
Her Husband, who usunlly Kndear.
ored to Please her, rose Without Com
plaint nt Six O'clock, but Continued
lo stny Out I.ate. Perceiving that her
Purpose was not Accomplished, the
Woman rhnnged the Hour to rive
O'clock.
"Tho Mnrnlinc Hours are tho llest for
Work," sho said, "and I understand
that tho Morning Air possesses (ire at
Virtues."
Her Husband Objected, but Itoso at
Plvo, ns she Wished,
Still he continued to Como In Late.
Then tho Woman fixed the Hour at
Tour-thirty.
"I have always enjoyed Seeing the
Run Itlse," sho snld.
"In that Case," said her Husband
decidedly, "I Shall Not go to bed At
All, since It would Not bo Worth my
While. I will Stay up All Night and
take my Sleep at My Ofllco In Urn
Afternoon. So Wo will have Ilreak
fast at Three O'clock If you like."
This teaches us that the Early Worm
will Tiirn.-Century.
I'u 1 1 r or KilrnTNinri,
"Ilccauso 1 agreo to undertake your
defense," said tho eminent criminal
lawyer who hnd been called In, "you
will havo to bo perfectly frank with
tne and tell 1110 the whole truth. Did
you embezzle tho $20,000 you are ac
cused of having taken?"
"Yes, sir," replied the accused mnn.
"I'll not attempt to conceal tho fact
from you, I stolo every cent of It."
"How much of It havo you still?"
"It's all gono but $10."
"Young mail," said the eminent law
yer, buttoning his overcoat about him
and putting on his gloves, "you'd bet
ter plead guilty nud throw yourself on
tho mercy of tho court."
"Pll do It If you say so, sir. What
aro you going to charge ino for the
advice?"
Ten dollars." Chicago Tribune.
An odd ceremony took place In
Franco not lout; ago In tho baptism of
two new bells for tho Church of Prelg
line, lu tho department of tho Glronde.
Two pretty children, Miles. Mlrvellltt
de Olr odor and Odutto do Hraqulllange,
were godmothers to tho bells and were
dressed respectively In pale blue and
Dale 11 1 nk.
BLAKE,
nlOFFITT
& TOWNE