Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Bandon recorder. (Bandon, Or.) 188?-1910 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 14, 1901)
at- .a. K E i-....y....y....y....T-.-T,-,T' In ICbpyTftfM. J -w . tf. ivtll. tVL.... u-nv.wl htm Ititn rU ,uice"Yon waste your education In fglary. You should do one of two n 3I-1. It lift- run should forge or you 1 mid embezzle. For my own part, l ' bezkle. Yes 1 embezzle. All! What Ijou think n man could be doing lt futnll this cold but Unit? Metro! ltclnTght! Tell. eleven. Twelve. ' ereds something very Impressive to jjjtl1tlint slow beating of the hours. I- tmjixpiR-e. what mysteries they JllWIiat mysteries! It's time for lis i befmovtng. Stand up!" tKa then Kindly but firmly he In- t too Mr l.edbetler to Mini; the dress- ( glbau over his baek by a siring - Poss his chest, to shoulder the trunk Miiverrullng a gasping protest, to the (iludstoue bag In his dlsen hand So Incumbered. Mr. Led ) itter struggled perilously down stairs. KSfitont gentleman followed with an agfebat. the hatbox and the revolver. ,!nl:lp derogatory reuiarUs about Mr. jFdlietter's strength nml assisting him tTUie turnings f Hie stairs. .Iffl'lic back door," he directed, and Mr. "dbetter staggered through a eoner alory. leaving a wake of smashed tlow 'fpots behind him. ' Never Itilnd the rockery.'' Mild tbe ""x ",lln: "" s foil! for trade. We wait here until n 1 Carter past You can put those things r5Wn. You have!" Mr l.edbetler col 'lSd, panting, on the trunk. "Last 'lifaV' he gasped, "I was asleep In my fU rimiii. and 1 no more dreamed" - b'i'hcre's no need for you to liierlnil i ti j inl- VOIIISe r. Willi 1 1 11 siuui h"" uSni looking at the lock of the revolv rjllo begun to hiini. Mr. l.edbetler SaOe to speak and thought better of It. iTliere presently came the sound "f a and Mr I.edbetter was taken to liVtack door and Instructed to open It. iff nlr haired man In yachting costume jntered. At the sight 'f Mr. l.edbetler IjFTgtarted violently and eliliped his rami behind him. Then he saw the Itout man "ltlnghum!" he erled. iWho's this?" fcOuly u little philanthropic do of Jibae burglar I'm trying to reform. Caught hi in under my bed Just now tie's all right lie's u frightful ass! He'll be useful to carry some of our things." frThe newcomer seemed Inclined to ie feat Mr. l.edhetter's presence at llrrt. but the stout mail reassured him. VHe's quite alone. There's not a gang Iffjhe world would own him. No; don't start talking for goodness' sake!" Tky went out Into the darkness of the garden, wllh the trunk still bowing Mr. IJeuiielter's shoulders, The man III yachting costume walked lu front with tfaj (Iladstoue hag ami a pistol; then cairn- Mr I.edbetter like Atlas', Mr. Bingham followed with the hntbox. coat and rcmlwr. as before. The lioiM' as one of those that hae their gardens right up lo the el I II'. At the cllft wn a -hep wooden stairway de scending lo a bathing tout dimly visl file on the lieach llelnw was a built pulled up. and a sih-nt llnle man ullb ajtilack fine lood i.eldc It. "A few moments i ciilannllii." said Mr Led bTtler I can iisuro you" Some Colly kicked Mm. and he said no more. jTlley made him nude lo I lie boat, carry I nt: the liuul, . they pulled him alTpMid by Hie shoulders and hair; the.i called li I in no better name lliiiu "scouu drcl" and "biirular" all that iilKht. Hut tljpy spi'ke in nude Hones so that the general public was happily unaware ofjt his Icnoinin.v They hauled him abpaul a yiicht mauiieil by strange, uti ytnpathetic orientals, and i;ilil they tbfust him mid partly he fell down a pathway into u uoiKoiue. dark place. tvlreheas to iviunlti many days bow many he does 'jot know, becau-e he. lost count iiiuoiii. oilier tliliiK wlieu lie was seajli k. They fed him on bis pulls nml Incomprehensible words; they ave him water to drink mixed wjth unwished for rum. And there were i-ockroaches here they put him. (Tight nml day and lu the nighttime tbcre were lilts The orientals emptied lils pockets mill took Ids waleb. l.u Mr. ItlURlinm, beliiK appealed to, tmik tbnt himself And five or six times the live la scars If they were Inscnr and the Chinaman and the negro ulw constituted the crew fished him out and took hlin aft to Itlughuui and bl friend to play crlbbage and eticlire and three handed whist, and to listen to tftelr stories and boasting In an Inter cited manner. I'l'lien these principals would talk to blm as men talk to those who hae Hved a life of crime. Kxplanntlons they would never permit, though they made N ahuuilautly clear to hi in that he wan the rumiiiest burglar they had ever set rjes on They mid as much again and again The fair man was of a taciturn 'disposition and Irascible at play, but Mr Itiiigliiim. now that the evident unx (lity of his departure was assuaged, 'displayed n M-iu of genial philosophy, 'jle enlarged upon the mystery of space and time, nml quoted Kant and Hegel E--or nt least he said he did. Several Times Mr. Uedbetter got ns far as ".My osition under your bed, you know ut theu he always had to cut or pass he whisky or do some such Interveu- ug thing After his third failure the 'air man got quite to look for till? fjH'titng, aud whenever Mr. Ledbctter egnn after thut he would roar with laughter and lilt him vlo!itly on the iaeW. "Sanie old start, same old story: ihmI old bllltiliir." (lie full bail tti ft i i n Kit Mr I.iwtlinttiir t:rtn fur iimiir luys. 'M perhaps, and one evening be. u.uild perhaps have proved my ruin together with some tlnued provisions, las taken mer the side and put ashore ou u rocky little Island wltb a spring. -Mr Itlugbam catny iu the boat wltb Idm. giving hlui good advice all the .vay aud wnlng bis last attempts nt an explanation aside. "1 nut really not a burglar," aid Mr. Led better "You uevcr will be" said Mr Hlng bam - You II never make a burglar -.A.-' Ootoic.ootoi.OKOKOt.oottoi.oi.ot,ototoKoitoi.oO 1 1. lEII'S fill I I BY H. G. WELLS. g v CO'0)ito;iO"40'40VtO40MO'40Vto;40'OVlO'40'40;toMOMoa o 9 'Y''''Y'''Y'- ..-r-.-'T'' ....y.-T--.-T '...T ... -r'....-r....T'-..- fc I'm glad you're begiuulbg to see It In choosing n profeooloi' a man must study leinperaiiu'iii. If you don't, sooner or later joii will fall. Compare myself, for example. All my life 1 have been In banks- 1 have got on In banks. 1 have even been a bank man ager. Hut was I happy? No. Why wiHii't 1 happy? Hceausc It did not suit my temperament. I am too adven turous, too versatile. Practically I have thrown It over. I do not suppose 1 shall ever manage a bank again. They would be glad to get me, no doubt, but 1 have learned the lesson of my temperament at last. No; I shall never manage a bank again. "Now, j-mir temperament uullts you for crime - Just as mine uullts ine for respectability. I know you better than I did, mid now I do not even recom mend forgery, (in back to respectable courses, my man. Your lay Is the phil anthropic lay; that Is your lay. With that voice The Association For the Promotion of Sniveling Among the Young something In that line. You think It over. "The Island we are approaching has no name apparently nt least there Is none on the chart. You might think mil a name for It while you are there -while you are thinking about all these things. It has quite drinkable water. I nudei'slnml. It Is one of the CJreua dines -one of the Windward Islands Yonder -dim and blue-are other of the 4 ; -! idlnes. I lmc often wondered what these Ishiuds are for -now, you see. I am wNer. This one. at least. Is for you. Sooner or later some simple natlie will come along and lake you oil. Say what you like about ns then abuse us If you like; we shall mil mind. And here - here Is half a sover elgn's worth of silver. Do not wasle thai In foolish dissipation when ou re turn lo civilization. Properly used. It may give you a fresh start lu life. And do mil don't beach her. you beggars; he an wade do not w..te the pre clou solitude before you lu foolish thoughts. Propel ly used, It may be a turning point In your career. Waste neither money nor time. You will die rich. Pin sorry, but I must ask you lo carry your tucker to land in your arms. No, It's not deep. Hash that expl.inatlon of yours! There's nut time. No. no, no; 1 won't listen. Over board you go!" And the falling night found Mr. I.ed better. the Mr. I.edbetter who had com plained that adventure was dead, sit ting beside Ills cans of food, his chin resting upon Ids drawn up knees, star ing through his glasses lu dismal mild ness over the shining, vacant sea. lie was picked up lu the course of three days by a negro llshermnn and taken to St. Vincent's, mid fr St. Vincent's he got, by the expenditure of hH last coins, to Kingston. In .lamatca. And there he might have foundered. liven nowadays he Is not a man of affairs, and then he was a singularly helpless person. He had not the remotest idea what he ought to do. The only thing he seems to lime done was to visit all the ministers of religion he could Hud III the place to borrow n passage home. Hut he was much too dirty mid inco herent nud his story far too Incredible for them. I met him quite by chance. It was dose upon sunset, and I wes walking out after my siesta on tin road to Ilium's battery when I im i lilin. I was rather bored and with . whole evening on my hands, Im-l ' for him. lie was trudging iIImum' toward the town. Ills woebegone (ace aud Kit quasi clerical cut of his dust stained, filthy costume caught my hu mor. Utir eyes met. lie hesitated. "Sir," he said, with a catching of the breath, "could you spare a few minutes fur what, I fear, will seem an I nor edi ble story?" "Incredible!" 1 said. "(Julie," he answered eagerly. "No one will bellee It, alter It though I may. Yet I can assure you, sir" He stopped hopelessly. The man's tone tickled die. He seemed an odd character. . "I am." he said, "one of the most unfortunate beings nllvc." "Among other things, you haven't dined?" 1 said, struck with nn Idea. "I have not," he said solemnly, "for many days." "You'll tell It better nfter that." I said and without more ado led the way to n low place I knew where such a costume ns his was unlikely to give of fense. And there, with certnlu omis sions which he subsequently supplied, I got Ids story. At first I was Incredu lous, but as the wine wanned him nud the faint suggestion of cringing his misfortunes hud added to his manner disappeared 1 began to bellete. At Inst I was so far couvlnced of his sincerity that I got him a bed for the night, nml next day verified the banker's refer enee he "ave me through my Jamaica banker. And. that done, 1 took blm shopping for underwear and such like equipments of ii gentleman at large. Presently came the verified reference. His astonishing story wns true. 1 will not amplify our subsequent proceed ings. He started for Knglaml lu three days' time. "1 do not know how 1 can possibly thank you enough," the letter he wrote me from Knglnnd begnn, "for nil your kindness to n total stranger," nud pro ceetled for some time In a similar strain. "Had It not been for your gen erous assistance 1 could certainly nev er have returned In time for the re sumption of my scholastic duties, aud my few minutes of reckless roily As It U I am entangled In a tissue of lies and evasions of the most compli cated sort to account for my sunburn ed appearance aud my wbercnlKiuts. I have ruther carelessly told two or three different stories, not realizing the trou ble this would mean for ine In the end. The truth I dare not tell I have con sulted a number of lawbooks lu tbe Iti ii uli museum, and there Is not tbe tl gnteat doubt that I bare couulved at and abetted and aided a felony That scoimdiel HlugliHUi was tbe Hither gate i .ink manager. 1 find, and guilt of the tnot flagrant embezzlement. Please, please burn this letter when read. I trust you Implicitly. The worst of lt ,, neither my mint nor her friend, who kept the boarding bouse nt which I was staving, seems altogether to be lieve a guarded statement I have made them practically of what actually happened. They suspect mo of some discreditable nd venture, but what sort .-'- w UXlS.-s- vim, .YdjM Jonml .1r. l.citlictter starlity orrr the shfnfiitf, vacant icu. of discreditable adventure they suspect me of I do not know. My aunt says she would forgive me If I told her ev erything. 1 have. I have told her more than everything, and still she Is not satlsiled It would never do to let theui know the truth of the case, of course, nud so I represented myself as Inning been waylaid nud gagged upon the beach. My mint wants to know why th'-y waylaid mid gagged me, why they tool; me nwny lu their yacht. I do not know. Can you suggest any reason? I can think of nothing. If, when you wrote, you could write on two sheets, so that 1 could show her one, nud on that ono If you could show clearly that I really was lu .Inmiilca this summer and had come there by be ing marooned from a ship It would be of great service to inc. It would cer tain! udd to the load of my obliga tions to you, a load that 1 fear I can never fully repay, although If grati tude." and so forth. At the end he repealed his request for me to burn the letter. So the remarkable story of Mr. l.ed better's vacation ends. That breach with his mint was not of long duration. The old lady had fully forgiven blm before she died. Tin- Oiiem Chorus. Ill the gay costumes of the stage we do not get a very good Idea of whal manner of men and women those be longing to the opera chorus arc. At a lehearsal we Fee It all nt a glauce. They are foreign to their linger tips dagos we should call theui In the dis respectful language of our everyday life. Hut they nre undoubtedly very re spectable and certainly very hard wot king. They appear at every per formance, nt every rehearsal. I icnlly believe that there Is no class of people outside the sweatshops of New Yoil; that works harder or more Incessant ly. It Is study, rehearse, perform, every day and almost every night. There Is no let up on them, yet they seem to enjoy their work and their life. Indeed I am sure thuy enjoy both, for they nre Inspired by n love for tbe art, which they serve zealous ly, though humbly. I have rend slan derous stoiioH about these hardwork ing people. Those who give the stories currency should themselves be pillo ried; those who believe the stories should be heartily ashamed of them selves. Theirs Is hard woik ami hon est work nml assists to make the world more beautiful and lift more happy. -John Gilmer Speed lu Woman's Home Companion. A Itnunil lliililn Itrmeitr. When n doctor of SO years' practice jiicounters n new experience, lt must ne worth relating. This Is from a phy ilclnii on Lafayette nvenue who hat fought disease for the period named. "I saw blm get gingerly out of u wag 3ii In front of the oillec. He then loft the team with his daughter. Ignored ihe bell and pounded lustily on the loor. I nuswered In person because I thought he find my otilce girl might ;et Into nn argument, for bo looked lust like a man who would Insist upon 'eel n g the 'doc' nt once. " 'Doc,' he begnn without other pre liminary. 'I've been a-tnkln truck fur months, mid blamed If I hain't tvorse'n I wns nt the beglnnln.' "What's the matter with you?' " 'Ktomnch's nil out o' whack. Itegu ar riot down there all the time and ne n dosln lu the remerdy nfter encb neiil and at early bedtime.' " 'What are you taking?' "'Here It Is, doc, nud I got a lot left ret. My first wife uster buy lt In the iiulk 'cause It enme cheaper.' "'Hut this Is for the lungs.' "'S'posc I don't know tbnt? Course t's fur the lungs. That's what wns ho matter with hor. I don't enre If It ivas fur the liver. It's got ter go to the itomncli first, bnlu't It? And tho stom tch aud the lungs hain't so duriied fnr ipart but what helps one helps the Jtber aud vvhnt gits to one gits to tho jther.' "Detroit Free P-ess Warned. Once when Mrs. Kendal was taking lie role of Calatca In Dublin she bad iu nmuslng experience. Pygmalion. It nill be remembered, bad a Jealous wife. During the temporary nbsence 5f that lady (Jalalea wus nbout to throw herself Into tbe arms of Pygma Ion when an old dame In the audience ;rled warnlngly: "Don't do It, darllntl Ills wife's Just gone out, and shure It'll ae like her to be llstenlu at the key iole." The Oilier War. lie Ilerthu. I nin going to ask you a question, a question which will hve a astlng effect uion my life as you an itver It. Hertbn. dear, nil! you lie a ilster to me? She Charley. I can't do that, but I will be your wife - Huston TrauscrlpL A PATJU0T1C SCHEME THE TOWN WAS IN FAVOR OF FLYING THE FLAG PERPETUALLY. I'nii I'rrklns. Pii'tmnsler uf Jericho, Tells Mux KIs. fusion .Marred (lie lllacuaaloii nf Hie I'roiio.ll Inn and Kimt Ihe l'rolec( nnited. ICopjrlgtit. 1000. by C B. Lwtt. It was i:uos Hopkins who got tbe (den thnt Jericho should prove her pa triotism to the world nt large by dls plnyln the American flag for seven days n week. He got the Idea one Sunday mornln as he lay hi bed, and he hugged It to Ills soul and chuckled over It for a week before he said any thing to n llvln soul, liver body knew bv his actions that sotuethlti was up, but they couldn't Agger out exactly what It wns. At length, wheiv Sat urday night came, and there was the usual crowd at the postofllce, be shot on bis gun. He had his speech nil pre pared. He told how the American ling was first flung to the breeze bow men cheered for liberty as they snw It how It had given freedom to n con tinent and brought happiness to mil lions, Men had fought clieerlu for that flag, nud men bad died blesslu It. lie wanted It b'lsted In Jericho nt sun rise every day In the year, nud he wanted children to cry for It and men nml women to venerate It. Monday was wash day lu Jericho, nml front arils and back yards made n beauti ful Bhowlu of sheets and shirts nnd A ("IW Cl A K W K Ml l'l'lll n SI'KKIIlT AM0.MI t'Sr towels and lableelotbs, but above them all would Hap and Hop the flag which had covered ihe heroes of Hun ker Hill as they died In the cause A liberty. As soon us the crowd had recovered from Its surpiise ami begun to cheer Deacon Spooiier said It was a mighty strong pint nnd one worthy of n lendln patriot of Jericho, lie was heartily lu favor of the Idea, and he would then mid tlide coiiliibiite 1.'! cents toward Ihe purchase of a public flag. He also thought a vote of thanks was due Kuos for his cilteuess lu thlukln out the idea. A tlapptu, lloppln Hag h'isled to the balmy breezes of Jericho would give i In. Ioivii u-iit-lilwtilc fume nnil nrobablv result In a boom. ! Then Hosen Saunders spoke. Ills grandfather had died while llglitlu un der the stars and stripes. Ills father had fallen and killed himself while climhlii a flagpole. Ills mother had wuippcil him in the Hag of liberty when he wus born, and he had long bought of havlii a group of stars tat tooed between Ills shoulders, lie loved his wife nml children, and he set a heap uf value on his boss and cow, but he loed Ihe Hag of Ids country more. It was ltd til times, mid money was light, but he would go without tobacco for a mouth lu order to contribute a shllllu toward the purchase of a Hag. Wllh his own hands. If agieeable to all. he would li'HI the emblem at sun rise nud lower It at suin-ct diirlii the rest of his i 31 1 III ill life. The deacon said that was also a lieaullful speech, with a mighty strong pint to It, mid tbe feelln's of the crowd had got so worked up over free dom and liberty that fears stood lu many eyes. Iloseu was fullered by Squar Joslyn, Philetus Williams, Abra ham While nnd others, and there was licqiictit cheerlu and shaklu bands. About ten .veins ago Abljah Davison's dog tore the ear oil a hog owned by Joel Ilarilinmi. nml the men have been enemies ever since, but under the ex citement and the patriotism engender ed by them speeches they fell Into each other's anus ami became brotheri tig iu It wns finally set tied that n pub lic contribution should be taken up to buy a ir Hag, and then eaiiie the ques tion of wheie It should be raised. Kuos Hopkins, who had stalled It all, got up In a modest way and said he would go to the expense of plautlii a polo lu front of his house It was on high ground, and die Hag could be seen from every house III Jericho. "We shouldn't put Cnos to all that trouble." said Deacon Spooiier us he lose up. "lie's done Ills sheer III think In out the plat' lit see that the flag U duly dlspltOfi! from the roof of my cooper shop when it arrives." "Whnt'i- the mutter with histlll It otcr my grocery'" asked Dan Skinner ns he wiped (he tears of emotion from his eyes. "Or wltb h'lstlu It mer my coal ynrd?" suld Darius Wnteruiiiu. who calculated to chip In Id cents nnd no more. Then everjlsid bobbed up uud de manded to be licmil ISvery mull pre ent wanted tlmi Hag In front of lilt house or place uf luislniits nud no wtere else nud purty simn they was sluikln llieli tt-u nml tiijln they'd be durned If H" "oiildui hate II there or refuse lo contribute n led cent. There wn inely row on lu two mln Its. with ' ' weepln over Mitrlot Ism As ii " grw hotter AblJi.li Dnvlson in Joel llnnluinn mil said he wa g.ud kin dog had bit tba ear off tbnt bog bud that he'd tike to serie Joel the same way. Deacon Spooiier rattled on the stovepipe with bis cnue until he quieted Ihe racket, and then be ld "Feller patriots, but buve we no pub I'e spcerlt among iw?" "We hue!'' ellwl tbe crowd. "Then let u exhibit It. Heln my collier shop I tbe highest biilldln In town aud Im-Iii the AiRfrk'iin Hag baa got to flip Uup in the breeze to be seen and ii'iit-tuicd I uiiselllshly offer to put up a b- uud lake charge of tbe Uug." "So do 1!" snouts every man in the crowd. Then Pqunr Joslyn made a speech. He told how a million men had died for that ting; how Us stars and bars had made tyrants tremble; how a young nation had woishlped It and made nil the world respect It. He wound up after ten mlnlts by offerlu to Uoat It from his boss burn, but only hisses nnd groans fullered. There was signs thnt three or foir patriots would soon be puuchln eneji other's bend when I.lsli Hillings strolled In lu thnt cnreless wny of his. Deucoii Spooiier pounded and rattled till he got order and then snld: "I want to henr from I.lsh Hillings on this matter. Mebbe he can suggest sotnetblu. I.lsh, what place lu Jericho would you say the Amerlcnn flag ought to tlont from?" "How tunny stars are there on the American flag?" calmly asks I.lsh. Nobody could tell. "Well, how many stripes?" Nobody could tell. " 'Penrs to me," said I.lsh as he start ed to wander out ngin " 'penrs to me thnt ns none of you can tell the differ ence between the American flag and n tablecloth you'd better hang up nn old aini blanket most nnywhere nnd let It go at thnt." And nt the cud of five mlnlts more there wn'sn't n patriot left In the post ofllce, nud nolhln more has ever been snld nbout buyln a public ting. M. Quad. A PORTER'S MISTAKE. The slnry of n l.mly's I'rlates and an Aelor'a llnue. As the porter passed through the car she called him nslde. There wns n whisper nnd a gleam of silver. "Now, remember they are lu the yel low satchel." "Cynn't miss dein, tna'nni." "You won't let nny hue see you?" "No, ma'am." "The major Is sitting lu that car." "He won't see me, mn'nm." "Well, here Is the key." The potter took the key and passed through to the next cur. "Cuess ills am It," he snld, slipping the thin kc lu the lock of a yellow satchel. IU put Ids hand lu the satch el and pulled out a bunch of hair. Then he l clocked the sntchel. "Ileah's jo' frizzes, inu'iini!" "Don't spc.lk so loud." "Anything else, nin'nin?" "That's all, I believe. I Just have n minute to put these on before dinner." The porter reached the platform In time to i t nn Irate tragedian. "Not a step!" he thundered In tones that almost lifted the porter's cap. "What hno j mi done with my whisk ers, boy?" "Your whiskers, sahV" "Yes; my false beard. The passen gers say you opened my satchel with n skeleton key. Where are those whisk ers?" "Laws," muttered the porter, "Ah went In de wrong sntchel!" .f lift then u liulj passed toward the dining car. "Dab's yo' whiskers, sah," grinned ihe porter, "on top oh dat lady's bald!" ( iilcngu News. SUerlork Holmes, Jr. "Do you sec that man with the durk ivust'aciie'i" said Sherlock Holmes, Jr. "Yes. Do you know blm?" "I never snw blm before. He Is mnr lint. He ought to live In n Hat, but doesn't. His wife Is afrnld of tho hired girl, uud he Is left handed." "Mr. Holmes, you nre nn everlasting inarxel. How can you tell that about a mini you don't know and whom you ne cr saw before?" "Look at the second knuckle on tils lit hand. You see. It Is badly skinned. ,' so there Is a black mark on Ids left i u IT. Now let us see what we must i nike of this. When a left banded man pokes up the furnace fire, how does be do It? Ily putting bis left baud for i. md. of course Thus It happened Hint it wns his left baud which scraped Ignliis) the furnace door. The hhiek .iicd cuff shows that It was u furnace loor Having this foundation to work upon, the rest Is easy. If he lived lu a Hal. he would have no furnace to took ifter. and If his wife were not nfrald if the hired girl they would make the utter do the poling up. It Is all very omple If one's perceptive facilities are propel ly trained, lie can't really af ford fo live In n house, because If he -until he would have n man to look nft r the furnace. Therefore he ought to Ive lu u flat." "Hut hold on. How do you know the nun Is married? )! emi't be over .".H il the most. Why may It not lie piss-ih- that lie lives at home with tils wld .wed mother?" ''ly dear sir." mild Sherlock Holmes. Ir.. "I am surprised nt your hick of lersplcaelty. If he lived at home with ils widowed mother, he would permit n r to tend to the furniicu herself." iileagu Times Herald. n i:iell-il l. I',' l'ra-r. Dining the llisi half of the cluht ciiili century one of the members for a .oiilherii eoiistilueiicy was expelled 'mm Ihe house of commons for forgery iml Indeed eudiiieil the purgatory of landing In the pillory for a day He .wis a muii of unctuous piety, ami his meer In many respects resembled that if Jabez Ilalfoiir lu Inter days After is death the following prayer was 'oiiud lu Ids own hand" rltlng among ils papers: "() l.otil. I boil know est that I have Hue houses lu the city of London and hat I have lately purchased mi cstMto ii ree simple III the county of Kssex. I M-seecb thee to preserve the two conn-h-s of Middlesex nud Lssex from (Ire mil earthquake, nud ns I have n mort .age In Herefordshire I beg of thee to me mi eye of compassion uls on that utility, and for the rest of Ihe counties boo mayrst deal with them as thou art ilensed. ile n prosperous voyuge to lie Mermaid, because I have not In Hired tier, nud enable the bank to meet heir bills "-Ht. Juines diizette. The Annlieriarjr. "Harry, yesterday was our wedding nniilversnry. nnd yon never mid a wind about It." "Well, my dear. I felt It lu my bones Dim it wus some sort of a big day, but I (ouldn't remember what It was," liidiiiiui polls Journal. When n fellow has money to burn. ,lo mother of marriageable daughters is 1 1 .i.h to -1 1 1 1 1 1 - him wltb a match. -pi. '. .! Iplilu lb iord IKE PROGRESS m SCIENCE Dius Now Give Way to Animal Tissue Uvcli Consumption. LpllepHy unit Sonic Poi'iiih uf liintiiilly lire Now Cui'iiblc A new era lu the treatment oreeiiiiln diseases is at hand. The icsiilts are so definite and positive ns to eoiiiiiiniiil Immediate recognition from physicians nswell ns lay men. In the new ttvnt- liient drugs give wny to animal tissues lu solution. It Is not administered through the stomach tint is injected Into the circulatory system. The lymph tled Is extracted from the lymphatic glands of live fonts. Tbe goat Is select ed for the reason thnt he Is the hardiest and healthiest of nil niiiiuaN. He can not even be Inoculated with consump tion or mleroblt' dlsencs, Ills highly vltnllzed system throwing" oil' bacilli without ellbrt. Then ngalii old nge pro duces tlie lenst ell'ect on ills organs mid tissue mid ilegetierutotllsciisesn re seldom If ever found llllils IhxI.v. Little marvel then thnt tlie dally Injection of u solu tion of the lymphatic glands of I ho goat Into a weakened human system puts resisting qualities into it uud stimulates the activity of cell life, kith dispelling disease mid putting substance into the structure. An Interesting pioof of the act lou of the lymph Is shown by tlie fact that old miimals who have been treated Ih-coiiio active, quicker nml more agile in their movement. Dis tinguished physicians In ninny places have taken hold of the new lymph and for the benefit of the profession tlie re sults of their experiences nre being (alt ulated. During three yearn up to l-'eb. Hint over nineteen hundred ca-es had Ixvn treated hi (he I iiileil .Stntesnlonc Of this miiuls'i'To percent were so called Incurable diseases and M percent III the last stages. Tho averages of their ages was SO years. Oulvtwo of tlie number died although according to the tables of mortality f'.! should have died within tlie three yeurs. In view of the percent age of incurables at least PS should have (lied. Hilt note the astounding UMilts; tlie failures weiehut 7j per cent, while J percent were greatly boihilttcd and (17 per cent were complete clues. The cures Include many consumptives and many cases of rheumatism, paralysis, epilepsy, and locomotor ntiixla. Aside from tlie marvel thnt consumption mid paralysis nie at last curative tlie ill. coverv was made Hint ceilnlli lornis of Insanity readily yield to II. The positive mill startling results are profoundly Impressing. L. It. Stiihleln .M. D. u very prominent Kastern expert, who hns been making u special study of the new lymph and has administered It to huiidteilsol cases successfully, has recently opened n lymph institute hi f-nii i'liinciseo at lai Kearney !t. Knll Information containing tabulations nud other ic- cords of eases by liuiil to physicians nnd others Inquiring. Dr. .Htnhlclu Im promised tho records of some interest lug cure of (.'oiistuiipllon forlliese col umns for future issue. I'niir Klnus nml u .IiiI.it, At the lime ol Colonel Cody's advent Into tilt- capital of (icrmuny the old Ihnperor William was entertaining there tluee kings of smaller Cei'iniiulc powers. The ro.wil gentlemen were very much Interested In the IliilTalo Hill exhibitions, mid Colonel Cody was the recipient of ninny favors from tlie emperor himself. One feature of the performance was the exhibition of tho iiutlqmitcd Head wood coach containing pnssengeis who are attacked by In dians and filially rescued by cowboys. The kaiser asked to be allowed to ride In this vehicle with bin royal guests uud to participate In this Inter esting experience. Tho request was of course granted, and when the coach wus furiously assailed by howling In dians Its Inmates were as usual saved by gallant cowboys. After It was over and as the royal party were descending from the coach the emperor remarked: "Colonel Cody, I do not suppose this Is tho tlrst time thnt you have ever held four kings." "No, your imijcsty," returned the quick wltted scout, "lint tills Is the first time I ever held four kings and u royal Joker at the same tlme!"-San Prancls co livening Post. Kreab Ver Nprlnics In Mlilitprna. Severnl fresh woter fountains are known to exist lu the gulf of Mexico, where vessels have frequently tilled their rusks with Ice cold sweet wntcr that comes up like il geyser lu tho midst of the salt water. Tho fresh wntcr springs, as I lie sailors call them, have been known In the gulf for 200 or 00 years. They were discovered by early voyagers ami were the mi I vat Ion of ninny n mariner whose supply of fresh water ran short while he was becalmed lu the doldrums. Home of the fresh water springs are marked upon the charts, hut there Is so little need of them nowadays by the steam- ita on the gulf and tbe Hailing Meet Is o small that no attention Is paid to them, and they have passed out of tlie knowledge of Ihe younger sklpper. Cblcago Itccord The slur Chamber, Tlie "star chamber" wns so called from the place lu which the court was held In one of the rooms of the king's paluce In Westminster. Upon the cell logs were stars, hence tbe cumcrn stei lata, or chamber of Ktnrs. It was of very ancient origin and bail excessive powers, but could not pronounce the death penalty, ft wus abolished by act of parliament In lull during tlie reign of Charles 1, but this unfortunate moil srcli was sentenced to lie beheaded from lids same "star chamber." II Hurl Hlin. Candid l'rlend-1 think young Ity luer, the (oct. felt hurt at u remark you made the other night. Uti Companion-What did I ay? 0. P. You said there was only one Kbaki'HiM'afe i:chmm. BLAKE, ! MOFFITT 1 Importer nml Dunicrs In I Book, Naws, Writing nnd Wrnpptnd... 8 TOWNE 1 OARD 8TOOK STtlVW AND lltNUKHS' HOARD 8.VH7-MMI First St. Tl. Mls 106, 4 VN FliAN'CiSCO THEl E1L-K T T V ' 520 ttimli Street, Sim Pi'IiiicIhcui Nlrnly furnlshisl room hj the iluy, netik or mouth, eu suite nr slnglii. ut toiluuiM rules House ti.,.i.i.ijhl.7 renovnteil No ulm will Ihj siutred to iiKiku visitors trotn the l-uuq(i-.v to the city romlorUlilt) nml nt home (lurtuii thrlr nlur Tillic Suiter-slreel enrsol Irry Inmlluir MUK P. KANf-r. I'rtri.-lii (Julniiic tsitijiMirslshlml. loluulu tioi n..w lmve to he etiiliiii il Ml.Mil-l s In namic Taii ct.UN iiallcit il mi line iimu th, tr eu.-rs) i-rmv,l t Hook's ontliiury ticiiiim nl lulu HI liuur-untt abort tho uorst ufeolUs owr nlKht. " It wns the worst cne of friji I net hsil. A bnlftloreii frlvuils hmt suit cures Still 11 hnnie ou. llfiml of Iho Dvs Kmc T.tBCi.f. To tin nirmtenwiit they stojipcil Isilh cold suit eoiii'h the llrst ultrhi I uulr nml roculiiini n,t them ttftlis penpln " Haw i.w IlKM.n, : MemlK-r Uouin-ess utttl Ailorurj ill I Hiitisoim Street, shin t'riitielsco. ,1 ilv , IWo "Winter colds hn ulr tn-r-u Kerlou things in me. They lire Imttt nml mnr fo iiHinlhs Hut Ihe lust utts Mopped suthleuly hi MKNITI, S III NAllll) "AHCI.IW. Iloill COUKU ml in III illsnpHnrrl in li couple of ila.l .. N'u tuttw pise am s mis Tor me MNs. kmma I, Hoi. I. IN, II Mo-s St , Situ l'rnui'l-'o Auk ".1" I lite urross the streel from w hern MkNoi-i.'s Dv.vamu" TAlK I.Ks me muds 'I Iml Is how 1 llrst tooUthem. Thcv stopiolihtitmimilnolU-e I took n iloxeit box)' v, It t mo for si-1 r nul f leuii. when I went In Nome " II. I. as Wi.ski.i Cnpltitllst. : 117 Wnshlufitou Streel, Sun Krnti Cisco. August 111, ItHi) Sent Iktstniild for ii cents In stnintis tn INLAND llltl'll I'O . If.'ll Washington Hliuot Pun r'riitielsi-o. Also ou Rule by our looiil tiifi'iu Men's Suits In Nnvy, muck, lleou n, on Dull PlnlilH, Hlndle-lli'ciiKt Such Suit like you pity ten dolliu'ri foe nt credit Htoreri, line .$5.00 Ovei'coiitei nnd otlice Clothing ut ,M(nej'-Snvlnjl I'l'lcen. Meu'slteuvy uiiturut wool? L'tidershlrts :.': Men s neuvy tinturiti msiir uruwi-rs .is Men's Kt'titevl working shirts ,1'mi Men's wool y.iru ueol I'onifiirls !k' tine lurgii Ktlkiill nu rotuforlK ngnln. .. . tl M Henry rotnforls lur cnminuti us 1 1 mi While beiNiri)iids, tl Ni kind ... II U) Shoos for Men, $12.1 Hem y every dny congress shoo, limit's tl.i Medium weight hire, office weur ... (I Jf II on vy KiiNtcrn brognns (IW Sundny styles, liieo or congress il tt l.ndlus' lino kid nIiihh, Isco (I til l.ndlos' hlyllih shoes long uour ll.fio. Ji"l (llrfs fjOa uttilurptttils i-nts, Huhl 'Jfst I.ndlcs l Ulttu.l (I lift pants, M-sls. sold . Mo llifnuts little (.'mv p.inls to 1 jenr .'hi llifiiiiis little grtiy j mil I to tl yciirs liv You tm if on iitnnv thiugH nt u cnsli stor mid n I' I Is r rent mi i vt rj thnt" Try it nud gut rich llim I in.', and ciimpletr i is uow retuly lo liuiil Writ f ir It to SMITHS CASH STORE 25-27 Market Street, San Francisco. Printers' Snaps. Uookce News Cnticti. Wc liille neverul hundred pairs of lliuir iw n They urn u trifle smaller than full Sim Were uwsl by two leading ilullles Isifuru l.lno's value III. They nre lust tint Ue lu facilitate eouipotliluii In purled order Fifty cents pr pair IMiic (ioi'tlon tlohhci'. Now Hi) le, HxI'J, seeond-bsnd, wltb throw on; lu llrst-clust condition IU stde meant lUturt-n unit Is oue ul Ihe hunt heoond hand premies we htiielmil lor u long time. Itlsasuup Kcoond-lwiiid Cylinder. S.. v'uluun iUrlo. Will wurU INJU sn hour. A hum in ii 'or n cuuulry daily. Home Itody nnd l)lil(ij' Type. Has not m'du ottu month's uiie Homo ol Il hardly stulnixl Heioud buud prices PACIFIC STATES TVPE FOUiM 508 Cliiy Sti-cct, S. V. (iliielier. Old I.over- I know I am old enough to be your grnntlliitlier. but, mj dar ling. 1 line an Immense fortune to be itow upon you Young Heart I hesitate to aunwer. Old I.over Do not keep ine In bus (elite. I have lieait dUease, and under ixcltemeiit I n in likely to dlu at any moment. Young Ileart-iiien I will be yours. II Worheil Well. "And have yon tried the plan of reefing your liiisband wllh kind wortU when he come home late, as 1 sug gested?" iifekisl ihe elderly friend. "I have," wild Ihe youngish woman, 'and It works like u charm. He stays home nil tlie time now trying to tlguro out what Is tli maltor."-ludlunapolls I'res. It Is reported ol) high 'authority Unit j tho petroleum Industries of Itonmnulu i have made treat progress of late and I that If lratiMHir(allon becomca cheaper nud better this country will be it fur ' tnldublo competitor of America nml 1 Ktuslu.