at- .a.
K
E
i-....y....y....y....T-.-T,-,T'
In ICbpyTftfM. J -w . tf. ivtll.
tVL.... u-nv.wl htm Ititn rU
,uice"Yon waste your education In
fglary. You should do one of two
n 3I-1. It lift- run should forge or you
1 mid embezzle. For my own part, l
' bezkle. Yes 1 embezzle. All! What
Ijou think n man could be doing
lt futnll this cold but Unit? Metro!
ltclnTght! Tell. eleven. Twelve.
' ereds something very Impressive to
jjjtl1tlint slow beating of the hours.
I- tmjixpiR-e. what mysteries they
JllWIiat mysteries! It's time for lis
i befmovtng. Stand up!"
tKa then Kindly but firmly he In-
t too Mr l.edbetler to Mini; the dress-
( glbau over his baek by a siring
- Poss his chest, to shoulder the trunk
Miiverrullng a gasping protest, to
the (iludstoue bag In his dlsen
hand So Incumbered. Mr. Led
) itter struggled perilously down stairs.
KSfitont gentleman followed with an
agfebat. the hatbox and the revolver.
,!nl:lp derogatory reuiarUs about Mr.
jFdlietter's strength nml assisting him
tTUie turnings f Hie stairs.
.Iffl'lic back door," he directed, and Mr.
"dbetter staggered through a eoner
alory. leaving a wake of smashed tlow
'fpots behind him. ' Never Itilnd the
rockery.'' Mild tbe ""x ",lln: "" s
foil! for trade. We wait here until n
1 Carter past You can put those things
r5Wn. You have!" Mr l.edbetler col
'lSd, panting, on the trunk. "Last
'lifaV' he gasped, "I was asleep In my
fU rimiii. and 1 no more dreamed" -
b'i'hcre's no need for you to liierlnil
i ti
j
inl- VOIIISe r. Willi 1 1 11 siuui h""
uSni looking at the lock of the revolv
rjllo begun to hiini. Mr. l.edbetler
SaOe to speak and thought better of It.
iTliere presently came the sound "f a
and Mr I.edbetter was taken to
liVtack door and Instructed to open It.
iff nlr haired man In yachting costume
jntered. At the sight 'f Mr. l.edbetler
IjFTgtarted violently and eliliped his
rami behind him. Then he saw the
Itout man "ltlnghum!" he erled.
iWho's this?"
fcOuly u little philanthropic do of
Jibae burglar I'm trying to reform.
Caught hi in under my bed Just now
tie's all right lie's u frightful ass!
He'll be useful to carry some of our
things."
frThe newcomer seemed Inclined to ie
feat Mr. l.edhetter's presence at llrrt.
but the stout mail reassured him.
VHe's quite alone. There's not a gang
Iffjhe world would own him. No; don't
start talking for goodness' sake!"
Tky went out Into the darkness of the
garden, wllh the trunk still bowing Mr.
IJeuiielter's shoulders, The man III
yachting costume walked lu front with
tfaj (Iladstoue hag ami a pistol; then
cairn- Mr I.edbetter like Atlas', Mr.
Bingham followed with the hntbox.
coat and rcmlwr. as before. The
lioiM' as one of those that hae their
gardens right up lo the el I II'. At the
cllft wn a -hep wooden stairway de
scending lo a bathing tout dimly visl
file on the lieach llelnw was a built
pulled up. and a sih-nt llnle man ullb
ajtilack fine lood i.eldc It. "A few
moments i ciilannllii." said Mr Led
bTtler I can iisuro you" Some
Colly kicked Mm. and he said no more.
jTlley made him nude lo I lie boat,
carry I nt: the liuul, . they pulled him
alTpMid by Hie shoulders and hair; the.i
called li I in no better name lliiiu "scouu
drcl" and "biirular" all that iilKht. Hut
tljpy spi'ke in nude Hones so that the
general public was happily unaware
ofjt his Icnoinin.v They hauled him
abpaul a yiicht mauiieil by strange, uti
ytnpathetic orientals, and i;ilil they
tbfust him mid partly he fell down a
pathway into u uoiKoiue. dark place.
tvlreheas to iviunlti many days
bow many he does 'jot know, becau-e
he. lost count iiiuoiii. oilier tliliiK wlieu
lie was seajli k. They fed him on bis
pulls nml Incomprehensible words;
they ave him water to drink mixed
wjth unwished for rum. And there
were i-ockroaches here they put him.
(Tight nml day and lu the nighttime
tbcre were lilts The orientals emptied
lils pockets mill took Ids waleb. l.u
Mr. ItlURlinm, beliiK appealed to, tmik
tbnt himself And five or six times the
live la scars If they were Inscnr
and the Chinaman and the negro ulw
constituted the crew fished him out
and took hlin aft to Itlughuui and bl
friend to play crlbbage and eticlire and
three handed whist, and to listen to
tftelr stories and boasting In an Inter
cited manner.
I'l'lien these principals would talk to
blm as men talk to those who hae
Hved a life of crime. Kxplanntlons they
would never permit, though they made
N ahuuilautly clear to hi in that he wan
the rumiiiest burglar they had ever set
rjes on They mid as much again and
again The fair man was of a taciturn
'disposition and Irascible at play, but
Mr Itiiigliiim. now that the evident unx
(lity of his departure was assuaged,
'displayed n M-iu of genial philosophy,
'jle enlarged upon the mystery of space
and time, nml quoted Kant and Hegel
E--or nt least he said he did. Several
Times Mr. Uedbetter got ns far as ".My
osition under your bed, you know
ut theu he always had to cut or pass
he whisky or do some such Interveu-
ug thing After his third failure the
'air man got quite to look for till?
fjH'titng, aud whenever Mr. Ledbctter
egnn after thut he would roar with
laughter and lilt him vlo!itly on the
iaeW. "Sanie old start, same old story:
ihmI old bllltiliir." (lie full bail tti ft i i n
Kit Mr I.iwtlinttiir t:rtn fur iimiir
luys. 'M perhaps, and one evening be. u.uild perhaps have proved my ruin
together with some tlnued provisions,
las taken mer the side and put ashore
ou u rocky little Island wltb a spring.
-Mr Itlugbam catny iu the boat wltb
Idm. giving hlui good advice all the
.vay aud wnlng bis last attempts nt
an explanation aside.
"1 nut really not a burglar," aid Mr.
Led better
"You uevcr will be" said Mr Hlng
bam - You II never make a burglar
-.A.-'
Ootoic.ootoi.OKOKOt.oottoi.oi.ot,ototoKoitoi.oO
1 1. lEII'S fill I
I BY H. G. WELLS. g
v
CO'0)ito;iO"40'40VtO40MO'40Vto;40'OVlO'40'40;toMOMoa
o 9
'Y''''Y'''Y'-
..-r-.-'T''
....y.-T--.-T '...T ... -r'....-r....T'-..- fc
I'm glad you're begiuulbg to see It In
choosing n profeooloi' a man must
study leinperaiiu'iii. If you don't,
sooner or later joii will fall. Compare
myself, for example. All my life 1
have been In banks- 1 have got on In
banks. 1 have even been a bank man
ager. Hut was I happy? No. Why
wiHii't 1 happy? Hceausc It did not
suit my temperament. I am too adven
turous, too versatile. Practically I
have thrown It over. I do not suppose
1 shall ever manage a bank again.
They would be glad to get me, no
doubt, but 1 have learned the lesson of
my temperament at last. No; I shall
never manage a bank again.
"Now, j-mir temperament uullts you
for crime - Just as mine uullts ine for
respectability. I know you better than
I did, mid now I do not even recom
mend forgery, (in back to respectable
courses, my man. Your lay Is the phil
anthropic lay; that Is your lay. With
that voice The Association For the
Promotion of Sniveling Among the
Young something In that line. You
think It over.
"The Island we are approaching has
no name apparently nt least there Is
none on the chart. You might think
mil a name for It while you are there -while
you are thinking about all these
things. It has quite drinkable water.
I nudei'slnml. It Is one of the CJreua
dines -one of the Windward Islands
Yonder -dim and blue-are other of the
4 ; -! idlnes. I lmc often wondered
what these Ishiuds are for -now, you
see. I am wNer. This one. at least. Is
for you. Sooner or later some simple
natlie will come along and lake you
oil. Say what you like about ns then
abuse us If you like; we shall mil
mind. And here - here Is half a sover
elgn's worth of silver. Do not wasle
thai In foolish dissipation when ou re
turn lo civilization. Properly used. It
may give you a fresh start lu life. And
do mil don't beach her. you beggars;
he an wade do not w..te the pre
clou solitude before you lu foolish
thoughts. Propel ly used, It may be a
turning point In your career. Waste
neither money nor time. You will die
rich. Pin sorry, but I must ask you
lo carry your tucker to land in your
arms. No, It's not deep. Hash that
expl.inatlon of yours! There's nut
time. No. no, no; 1 won't listen. Over
board you go!"
And the falling night found Mr. I.ed
better. the Mr. I.edbetter who had com
plained that adventure was dead, sit
ting beside Ills cans of food, his chin
resting upon Ids drawn up knees, star
ing through his glasses lu dismal mild
ness over the shining, vacant sea. lie
was picked up lu the course of three
days by a negro llshermnn and taken to
St. Vincent's, mid fr St. Vincent's
he got, by the expenditure of hH last
coins, to Kingston. In .lamatca. And
there he might have foundered. liven
nowadays he Is not a man of affairs,
and then he was a singularly helpless
person. He had not the remotest idea
what he ought to do. The only thing
he seems to lime done was to visit all
the ministers of religion he could Hud
III the place to borrow n passage home.
Hut he was much too dirty mid inco
herent nud his story far too Incredible
for them. I met him quite by chance.
It was dose upon sunset, and I wes
walking out after my siesta on tin
road to Ilium's battery when I im i
lilin. I was rather bored and with .
whole evening on my hands, Im-l '
for him. lie was trudging iIImum'
toward the town. Ills woebegone (ace
aud Kit quasi clerical cut of his dust
stained, filthy costume caught my hu
mor. Utir eyes met. lie hesitated.
"Sir," he said, with a catching of the
breath, "could you spare a few minutes
fur what, I fear, will seem an I nor edi
ble story?"
"Incredible!" 1 said.
"(Julie," he answered eagerly. "No
one will bellee It, alter It though I
may. Yet I can assure you, sir"
He stopped hopelessly. The man's
tone tickled die. He seemed an odd
character. . "I am." he said, "one of
the most unfortunate beings nllvc."
"Among other things, you haven't
dined?" 1 said, struck with nn Idea.
"I have not," he said solemnly, "for
many days."
"You'll tell It better nfter that." I
said and without more ado led the way
to n low place I knew where such a
costume ns his was unlikely to give of
fense. And there, with certnlu omis
sions which he subsequently supplied,
I got Ids story. At first I was Incredu
lous, but as the wine wanned him nud
the faint suggestion of cringing his
misfortunes hud added to his manner
disappeared 1 began to bellete. At Inst
I was so far couvlnced of his sincerity
that I got him a bed for the night, nml
next day verified the banker's refer
enee he "ave me through my Jamaica
banker. And. that done, 1 took blm
shopping for underwear and such like
equipments of ii gentleman at large.
Presently came the verified reference.
His astonishing story wns true. 1 will
not amplify our subsequent proceed
ings. He started for Knglaml lu three
days' time.
"1 do not know how 1 can possibly
thank you enough," the letter he wrote
me from Knglnnd begnn, "for nil your
kindness to n total stranger," nud pro
ceetled for some time In a similar
strain. "Had It not been for your gen
erous assistance 1 could certainly nev
er have returned In time for the re
sumption of my scholastic duties, aud
my few minutes of reckless roily
As It U I am entangled In a tissue of
lies and evasions of the most compli
cated sort to account for my sunburn
ed appearance aud my wbercnlKiuts. I
have ruther carelessly told two or three
different stories, not realizing the trou
ble this would mean for ine In the end.
The truth I dare not tell I have con
sulted a number of lawbooks lu tbe
Iti ii uli museum, and there Is not tbe
tl gnteat doubt that I bare couulved at
and abetted and aided a felony That
scoimdiel HlugliHUi was tbe Hither
gate i .ink manager. 1 find, and guilt
of the tnot flagrant embezzlement.
Please, please burn this letter when
read. I trust you Implicitly. The worst
of lt ,, neither my mint nor her friend,
who kept the boarding bouse nt which
I was staving, seems altogether to be
lieve a guarded statement I have made
them practically of what actually
happened. They suspect mo of some
discreditable nd venture, but what sort
.-'- w UXlS.-s-
vim,
.YdjM Jonml .1r. l.citlictter starlity orrr
the shfnfiitf, vacant icu.
of discreditable adventure they suspect
me of I do not know. My aunt says
she would forgive me If I told her ev
erything. 1 have. I have told her more
than everything, and still she Is not
satlsiled It would never do to let
theui know the truth of the case, of
course, nud so I represented myself as
Inning been waylaid nud gagged upon
the beach. My mint wants to know
why th'-y waylaid mid gagged me, why
they tool; me nwny lu their yacht. I
do not know. Can you suggest any
reason? I can think of nothing. If,
when you wrote, you could write on
two sheets, so that 1 could show her
one, nud on that ono If you could show
clearly that I really was lu .Inmiilca
this summer and had come there by be
ing marooned from a ship It would be
of great service to inc. It would cer
tain! udd to the load of my obliga
tions to you, a load that 1 fear I can
never fully repay, although If grati
tude." and so forth. At the end he
repealed his request for me to burn
the letter.
So the remarkable story of Mr. l.ed
better's vacation ends. That breach
with his mint was not of long duration.
The old lady had fully forgiven blm
before she died.
Tin- Oiiem Chorus.
Ill the gay costumes of the stage we
do not get a very good Idea of whal
manner of men and women those be
longing to the opera chorus arc. At
a lehearsal we Fee It all nt a glauce.
They are foreign to their linger tips
dagos we should call theui In the dis
respectful language of our everyday
life. Hut they nre undoubtedly very re
spectable and certainly very hard
wot king. They appear at every per
formance, nt every rehearsal. I icnlly
believe that there Is no class of people
outside the sweatshops of New Yoil;
that works harder or more Incessant
ly. It Is study, rehearse, perform, every
day and almost every night.
There Is no let up on them, yet they
seem to enjoy their work and their
life. Indeed I am sure thuy enjoy
both, for they nre Inspired by n love
for tbe art, which they serve zealous
ly, though humbly. I have rend slan
derous stoiioH about these hardwork
ing people. Those who give the stories
currency should themselves be pillo
ried; those who believe the stories
should be heartily ashamed of them
selves. Theirs Is hard woik ami hon
est work nml assists to make the world
more beautiful and lift more happy. -John
Gilmer Speed lu Woman's Home
Companion.
A Itnunil lliililn Itrmeitr.
When n doctor of SO years' practice
jiicounters n new experience, lt must
ne worth relating. This Is from a phy
ilclnii on Lafayette nvenue who hat
fought disease for the period named.
"I saw blm get gingerly out of u wag
3ii In front of the oillec. He then loft
the team with his daughter. Ignored
ihe bell and pounded lustily on the
loor. I nuswered In person because I
thought he find my otilce girl might
;et Into nn argument, for bo looked
lust like a man who would Insist upon
'eel n g the 'doc' nt once.
" 'Doc,' he begnn without other pre
liminary. 'I've been a-tnkln truck fur
months, mid blamed If I hain't
tvorse'n I wns nt the beglnnln.'
"What's the matter with you?'
" 'Ktomnch's nil out o' whack. Itegu
ar riot down there all the time and
ne n dosln lu the remerdy nfter encb
neiil and at early bedtime.'
" 'What are you taking?'
"'Here It Is, doc, nud I got a lot left
ret. My first wife uster buy lt In the
iiulk 'cause It enme cheaper.'
"'Hut this Is for the lungs.'
"'S'posc I don't know tbnt? Course
t's fur the lungs. That's what wns
ho matter with hor. I don't enre If It
ivas fur the liver. It's got ter go to the
itomncli first, bnlu't It? And tho stom
tch aud the lungs hain't so duriied fnr
ipart but what helps one helps the
Jtber aud vvhnt gits to one gits to tho
jther.' "Detroit Free P-ess
Warned.
Once when Mrs. Kendal was taking
lie role of Calatca In Dublin she bad
iu nmuslng experience. Pygmalion. It
nill be remembered, bad a Jealous
wife. During the temporary nbsence
5f that lady (Jalalea wus nbout to
throw herself Into tbe arms of Pygma
Ion when an old dame In the audience
;rled warnlngly: "Don't do It, darllntl
Ills wife's Just gone out, and shure It'll
ae like her to be llstenlu at the key
iole." The Oilier War.
lie Ilerthu. I nin going to ask you a
question, a question which will hve a
astlng effect uion my life as you an
itver It. Hertbn. dear, nil! you lie a
ilster to me?
She Charley. I can't do that, but I
will be your wife - Huston TrauscrlpL
A PATJU0T1C SCHEME
THE TOWN WAS IN FAVOR OF FLYING
THE FLAG PERPETUALLY.
I'nii I'rrklns. Pii'tmnsler uf Jericho,
Tells Mux KIs. fusion .Marred (lie
lllacuaaloii nf Hie I'roiio.ll Inn and
Kimt Ihe l'rolec( nnited.
ICopjrlgtit. 1000. by C B. Lwtt.
It was i:uos Hopkins who got tbe
(den thnt Jericho should prove her pa
triotism to the world nt large by dls
plnyln the American flag for seven
days n week. He got the Idea one
Sunday mornln as he lay hi bed, and
he hugged It to Ills soul and chuckled
over It for a week before he said any
thing to n llvln soul, liver body knew
bv his actions that sotuethlti was up,
but they couldn't Agger out exactly
what It wns. At length, wheiv Sat
urday night came, and there was the
usual crowd at the postofllce, be shot
on bis gun. He had his speech nil pre
pared. He told how the American ling
was first flung to the breeze bow
men cheered for liberty as they snw
It how It had given freedom to n con
tinent and brought happiness to mil
lions, Men had fought clieerlu for
that flag, nud men bad died blesslu It.
lie wanted It b'lsted In Jericho nt sun
rise every day In the year, nud he
wanted children to cry for It and men
nml women to venerate It. Monday
was wash day lu Jericho, nml front
arils and back yards made n beauti
ful Bhowlu of sheets and shirts nnd
A
("IW
Cl A K W K Ml l'l'lll n SI'KKIIlT AM0.MI t'Sr
towels and lableelotbs, but above
them all would Hap and Hop the flag
which had covered ihe heroes of Hun
ker Hill as they died In the cause A
liberty.
As soon us the crowd had recovered
from Its surpiise ami begun to cheer
Deacon Spooiier said It was a mighty
strong pint nnd one worthy of n lendln
patriot of Jericho, lie was heartily lu
favor of the Idea, and he would then
mid tlide coiiliibiite 1.'! cents toward
Ihe purchase of a public flag. He also
thought a vote of thanks was due Kuos
for his cilteuess lu thlukln out the idea.
A tlapptu, lloppln Hag h'isled to the
balmy breezes of Jericho would give
i In. Ioivii u-iit-lilwtilc fume nnil nrobablv
result In a boom. !
Then Hosen Saunders spoke. Ills
grandfather had died while llglitlu un
der the stars and stripes. Ills father
had fallen and killed himself while
climhlii a flagpole. Ills mother had
wuippcil him in the Hag of liberty
when he wus born, and he had long
bought of havlii a group of stars tat
tooed between Ills shoulders, lie loved
his wife nml children, and he set a
heap uf value on his boss and cow, but
he loed Ihe Hag of Ids country more.
It was ltd til times, mid money was
light, but he would go without tobacco
for a mouth lu order to contribute a
shllllu toward the purchase of a Hag.
Wllh his own hands. If agieeable to
all. he would li'HI the emblem at sun
rise nud lower It at suin-ct diirlii the
rest of his i 31 1 III ill life.
The deacon said that was also a
lieaullful speech, with a mighty strong
pint to It, mid tbe feelln's of the
crowd had got so worked up over free
dom and liberty that fears stood lu
many eyes. Iloseu was fullered by
Squar Joslyn, Philetus Williams, Abra
ham While nnd others, and there was
licqiictit cheerlu and shaklu bands.
About ten .veins ago Abljah Davison's
dog tore the ear oil a hog owned by
Joel Ilarilinmi. nml the men have been
enemies ever since, but under the ex
citement and the patriotism engender
ed by them speeches they fell Into each
other's anus ami became brotheri
tig iu It wns finally set tied that n pub
lic contribution should be taken up to
buy a ir Hag, and then eaiiie the ques
tion of wheie It should be raised. Kuos
Hopkins, who had stalled It all, got
up In a modest way and said he would
go to the expense of plautlii a polo lu
front of his house It was on high
ground, and die Hag could be seen
from every house III Jericho.
"We shouldn't put Cnos to all that
trouble." said Deacon Spooiier us he
lose up. "lie's done Ills sheer III think
In out the plat' lit see that the flag U
duly dlspltOfi! from the roof of my
cooper shop when it arrives."
"Whnt'i- the mutter with histlll It
otcr my grocery'" asked Dan Skinner
ns he wiped (he tears of emotion from
his eyes.
"Or wltb h'lstlu It mer my coal
ynrd?" suld Darius Wnteruiiiu. who
calculated to chip In Id cents nnd no
more.
Then everjlsid bobbed up uud de
manded to be licmil ISvery mull pre
ent wanted tlmi Hag In front of lilt
house or place uf luislniits nud no
wtere else nud purty simn they was
sluikln llieli tt-u nml tiijln they'd be
durned If H" "oiildui hate II there
or refuse lo contribute n led cent.
There wn inely row on lu two mln
Its. with ' ' weepln over Mitrlot
Ism As ii " grw hotter AblJi.li
Dnvlson in Joel llnnluinn mil
said he wa g.ud kin dog had bit tba
ear off tbnt bog bud that he'd tike to
serie Joel the same way. Deacon
Spooiier rattled on the stovepipe with
bis cnue until he quieted Ihe racket,
and then be ld
"Feller patriots, but buve we no pub
I'e spcerlt among iw?"
"We hue!'' ellwl tbe crowd.
"Then let u exhibit It. Heln my
collier shop I tbe highest biilldln In
town aud Im-Iii the AiRfrk'iin Hag baa
got to flip Uup in the breeze to be seen
and ii'iit-tuicd I uiiselllshly offer to
put up a b- uud lake charge of tbe
Uug."
"So do 1!" snouts every man in the
crowd.
Then Pqunr Joslyn made a speech.
He told how a million men had died for
that ting; how Us stars and bars had
made tyrants tremble; how a young
nation had woishlped It and made nil
the world respect It. He wound up after
ten mlnlts by offerlu to Uoat It from
his boss burn, but only hisses nnd
groans fullered. There was signs thnt
three or foir patriots would soon be
puuchln eneji other's bend when I.lsli
Hillings strolled In lu thnt cnreless wny
of his. Deucoii Spooiier pounded and
rattled till he got order and then snld:
"I want to henr from I.lsh Hillings
on this matter. Mebbe he can suggest
sotnetblu. I.lsh, what place lu Jericho
would you say the Amerlcnn flag ought
to tlont from?"
"How tunny stars are there on the
American flag?" calmly asks I.lsh.
Nobody could tell.
"Well, how many stripes?"
Nobody could tell.
" 'Penrs to me," said I.lsh as he start
ed to wander out ngin " 'penrs to me
thnt ns none of you can tell the differ
ence between the American flag and n
tablecloth you'd better hang up nn old
aini blanket most nnywhere nnd let
It go at thnt."
And nt the cud of five mlnlts more
there wn'sn't n patriot left In the post
ofllce, nud nolhln more has ever been
snld nbout buyln a public ting.
M. Quad.
A PORTER'S MISTAKE.
The slnry of n l.mly's I'rlates and an
Aelor'a llnue.
As the porter passed through the car
she called him nslde. There wns n
whisper nnd a gleam of silver.
"Now, remember they are lu the yel
low satchel."
"Cynn't miss dein, tna'nni."
"You won't let nny hue see you?"
"No, ma'am."
"The major Is sitting lu that car."
"He won't see me, mn'nm."
"Well, here Is the key."
The potter took the key and passed
through to the next cur.
"Cuess ills am It," he snld, slipping
the thin kc lu the lock of a yellow
satchel. IU put Ids hand lu the satch
el and pulled out a bunch of hair. Then
he l clocked the sntchel.
"Ileah's jo' frizzes, inu'iini!"
"Don't spc.lk so loud."
"Anything else, nin'nin?"
"That's all, I believe. I Just have n
minute to put these on before dinner."
The porter reached the platform In
time to i t nn Irate tragedian.
"Not a step!" he thundered In tones
that almost lifted the porter's cap.
"What hno j mi done with my whisk
ers, boy?"
"Your whiskers, sahV"
"Yes; my false beard. The passen
gers say you opened my satchel with n
skeleton key. Where are those whisk
ers?" "Laws," muttered the porter, "Ah
went In de wrong sntchel!"
.f lift then u liulj passed toward the
dining car.
"Dab's yo' whiskers, sah," grinned
ihe porter, "on top oh dat lady's bald!"
( iilcngu News.
SUerlork Holmes, Jr.
"Do you sec that man with the durk
ivust'aciie'i" said Sherlock Holmes, Jr.
"Yes. Do you know blm?"
"I never snw blm before. He Is mnr
lint. He ought to live In n Hat, but
doesn't. His wife Is afrnld of tho
hired girl, uud he Is left handed."
"Mr. Holmes, you nre nn everlasting
inarxel. How can you tell that about a
mini you don't know and whom you
ne cr saw before?"
"Look at the second knuckle on tils
lit hand. You see. It Is badly skinned.
,' so there Is a black mark on Ids left
i u IT. Now let us see what we must
i nike of this. When a left banded man
pokes up the furnace fire, how does be
do It? Ily putting bis left baud for
i. md. of course Thus It happened
Hint it wns his left baud which scraped
Ignliis) the furnace door. The hhiek
.iicd cuff shows that It was u furnace
loor Having this foundation to work
upon, the rest Is easy. If he lived lu a
Hal. he would have no furnace to took
ifter. and If his wife were not nfrald
if the hired girl they would make the
utter do the poling up. It Is all very
omple If one's perceptive facilities are
propel ly trained, lie can't really af
ford fo live In n house, because If he
-until he would have n man to look nft
r the furnace. Therefore he ought to
Ive lu u flat."
"Hut hold on. How do you know the
nun Is married? )! emi't be over .".H
il the most. Why may It not lie piss-ih-
that lie lives at home with tils wld
.wed mother?"
''ly dear sir." mild Sherlock Holmes.
Ir.. "I am surprised nt your hick of
lersplcaelty. If he lived at home with
ils widowed mother, he would permit
n r to tend to the furniicu herself."
iileagu Times Herald.
n i:iell-il l. I',' l'ra-r.
Dining the llisi half of the cluht
ciiili century one of the members for a
.oiilherii eoiistilueiicy was expelled
'mm Ihe house of commons for forgery
iml Indeed eudiiieil the purgatory of
landing In the pillory for a day He
.wis a muii of unctuous piety, ami his
meer In many respects resembled that
if Jabez Ilalfoiir lu Inter days After
is death the following prayer was
'oiiud lu Ids own hand" rltlng among
ils papers:
"() l.otil. I boil know est that I have
Hue houses lu the city of London and
hat I have lately purchased mi cstMto
ii ree simple III the county of Kssex. I
M-seecb thee to preserve the two conn-h-s
of Middlesex nud Lssex from (Ire
mil earthquake, nud ns I have n mort
.age In Herefordshire I beg of thee to
me mi eye of compassion uls on that
utility, and for the rest of Ihe counties
boo mayrst deal with them as thou art
ilensed. ile n prosperous voyuge to
lie Mermaid, because I have not In
Hired tier, nud enable the bank to meet
heir bills "-Ht. Juines diizette.
The Annlieriarjr.
"Harry, yesterday was our wedding
nniilversnry. nnd yon never mid a
wind about It."
"Well, my dear. I felt It lu my bones
Dim it wus some sort of a big day, but
I (ouldn't remember what It was,"
liidiiiiui polls Journal.
When n fellow has money to burn.
,lo mother of marriageable daughters
is 1 1 .i.h to -1 1 1 1 1 1 - him wltb a match. -pi.
'. .! Iplilu lb iord
IKE PROGRESS m SCIENCE
Dius Now Give Way
to Animal Tissue
Uvcli Consumption. LpllepHy unit
Sonic Poi'iiih uf liintiiilly
lire Now Cui'iiblc
A new era lu the treatment oreeiiiiln
diseases is at hand. The icsiilts are so
definite and positive ns to eoiiiiiiniiil
Immediate recognition from physicians
nswell ns lay men. In the new ttvnt-
liient drugs give wny to animal tissues
lu solution. It Is not administered
through the stomach tint is injected Into
the circulatory system. The lymph
tled Is extracted from the lymphatic
glands of live fonts. Tbe goat Is select
ed for the reason thnt he Is the hardiest
and healthiest of nil niiiiuaN. He can
not even be Inoculated with consump
tion or mleroblt' dlsencs, Ills highly
vltnllzed system throwing" oil' bacilli
without ellbrt. Then ngalii old nge pro
duces tlie lenst ell'ect on ills organs mid
tissue mid ilegetierutotllsciisesn re seldom
If ever found llllils IhxI.v. Little marvel
then thnt tlie dally Injection of u solu
tion of the lymphatic glands of I ho goat
Into a weakened human system puts
resisting qualities into it uud stimulates
the activity of cell life, kith dispelling
disease mid putting substance into the
structure. An Interesting pioof of the
act lou of the lymph Is shown by tlie
fact that old miimals who have been
treated Ih-coiiio active, quicker nml
more agile in their movement. Dis
tinguished physicians In ninny places
have taken hold of the new lymph and
for the benefit of the profession tlie re
sults of their experiences nre being (alt
ulated. During three yearn up to l-'eb.
Hint over nineteen hundred ca-es had
Ixvn treated hi (he I iiileil .Stntesnlonc
Of this miiuls'i'To percent were so called
Incurable diseases and M percent III the
last stages. Tho averages of their ages
was SO years. Oulvtwo of tlie number
died although according to the tables
of mortality f'.! should have died within
tlie three yeurs. In view of the percent
age of incurables at least PS should have
(lied. Hilt note the astounding UMilts;
tlie failures weiehut 7j per cent, while
J percent were greatly boihilttcd and
(17 per cent were complete clues. The
cures Include many consumptives and
many cases of rheumatism, paralysis,
epilepsy, and locomotor ntiixla. Aside
from tlie marvel thnt consumption mid
paralysis nie at last curative tlie ill.
coverv was made Hint ceilnlli lornis
of Insanity readily yield to II.
The positive mill startling results
are profoundly Impressing. L. It.
Stiihleln .M. D. u very prominent
Kastern expert, who hns been making
u special study of the new lymph and
has administered It to huiidteilsol cases
successfully, has recently opened n
lymph institute hi f-nii i'liinciseo
at lai Kearney !t. Knll Information
containing tabulations nud other ic-
cords of eases by liuiil to physicians nnd
others Inquiring. Dr. .Htnhlclu Im
promised tho records of some interest
lug cure of (.'oiistuiipllon forlliese col
umns for future issue.
I'niir Klnus nml u .IiiI.it,
At the lime ol Colonel Cody's advent
Into tilt- capital of (icrmuny the old
Ihnperor William was entertaining
there tluee kings of smaller Cei'iniiulc
powers. The ro.wil gentlemen were
very much Interested In the IliilTalo
Hill exhibitions, mid Colonel Cody was
the recipient of ninny favors from tlie
emperor himself. One feature of the
performance was the exhibition of tho
iiutlqmitcd Head wood coach containing
pnssengeis who are attacked by In
dians and filially rescued by cowboys.
The kaiser asked to be allowed to
ride In this vehicle with bin royal
guests uud to participate In this Inter
esting experience. Tho request was of
course granted, and when the coach
wus furiously assailed by howling In
dians Its Inmates were as usual saved
by gallant cowboys.
After It was over and as the royal
party were descending from the coach
the emperor remarked:
"Colonel Cody, I do not suppose this
Is tho tlrst time thnt you have ever held
four kings."
"No, your imijcsty," returned the
quick wltted scout, "lint tills Is the first
time I ever held four kings and u royal
Joker at the same tlme!"-San Prancls
co livening Post.
Kreab Ver Nprlnics In Mlilitprna.
Severnl fresh woter fountains are
known to exist lu the gulf of Mexico,
where vessels have frequently tilled
their rusks with Ice cold sweet wntcr
that comes up like il geyser lu tho
midst of the salt water. Tho fresh
wntcr springs, as I lie sailors call them,
have been known In the gulf for 200
or 00 years. They were discovered by
early voyagers ami were the mi I vat Ion
of ninny n mariner whose supply of
fresh water ran short while he was
becalmed lu the doldrums. Home of
the fresh water springs are marked
upon the charts, hut there Is so little
need of them nowadays by the steam-
ita on the gulf and tbe Hailing Meet Is
o small that no attention Is paid to
them, and they have passed out of tlie
knowledge of Ihe younger sklpper.
Cblcago Itccord
The slur Chamber,
Tlie "star chamber" wns so called
from the place lu which the court was
held In one of the rooms of the king's
paluce In Westminster. Upon the cell
logs were stars, hence tbe cumcrn stei
lata, or chamber of Ktnrs. It was of
very ancient origin and bail excessive
powers, but could not pronounce the
death penalty, ft wus abolished by act
of parliament In lull during tlie reign
of Charles 1, but this unfortunate moil
srcli was sentenced to lie beheaded
from lids same "star chamber."
II Hurl Hlin.
Candid l'rlend-1 think young Ity
luer, the (oct. felt hurt at u remark you
made the other night.
Uti Companion-What did I ay?
0. P. You said there was only one
Kbaki'HiM'afe i:chmm.
BLAKE,
! MOFFITT
1 Importer nml Dunicrs In
I Book, Naws,
Writing nnd
Wrnpptnd...
8 TOWNE
1 OARD 8TOOK
STtlVW AND lltNUKHS' HOARD
8.VH7-MMI First St.
Tl. Mls 106, 4 VN FliAN'CiSCO
THEl E1L-K
T T V '
520 ttimli Street, Sim Pi'IiiicIhcui
Nlrnly furnlshisl room hj the iluy, netik or
mouth, eu suite nr slnglii. ut toiluuiM rules
House ti.,.i.i.ijhl.7 renovnteil No ulm will Ihj
siutred to iiKiku visitors trotn the l-uuq(i-.v to the
city romlorUlilt) nml nt home (lurtuii thrlr nlur
Tillic Suiter-slreel enrsol Irry Inmlluir
MUK P. KANf-r. I'rtri.-lii
(Julniiic tsitijiMirslshlml. loluulu tioi n..w
lmve to he etiiliiii il Ml.Mil-l s In namic Taii
ct.UN iiallcit il mi line iimu th, tr eu.-rs) i-rmv,l
t Hook's ontliiury ticiiiim nl lulu HI liuur-untt
abort tho uorst ufeolUs owr nlKht.
" It wns the worst cne of friji I net hsil. A
bnlftloreii frlvuils hmt suit cures Still 11 hnnie
ou. llfiml of Iho Dvs Kmc T.tBCi.f. To tin
nirmtenwiit they stojipcil Isilh cold suit eoiii'h
the llrst ultrhi I uulr nml roculiiini n,t
them ttftlis penpln " Haw i.w IlKM.n, :
MemlK-r Uouin-ess utttl Ailorurj ill I Hiitisoim
Street, shin t'riitielsco. ,1 ilv , IWo
"Winter colds hn ulr tn-r-u Kerlou
things in me. They lire Imttt nml mnr fo
iiHinlhs Hut Ihe lust utts Mopped suthleuly
hi MKNITI, S III NAllll) "AHCI.IW. Iloill COUKU
ml in III illsnpHnrrl in li couple of ila.l .. N'u
tuttw pise am s mis Tor me MNs. kmma I,
Hoi. I. IN, II Mo-s St , Situ l'rnui'l-'o Auk ".1"
I lite urross the streel from w hern MkNoi-i.'s
Dv.vamu" TAlK I.Ks me muds 'I Iml Is how 1
llrst tooUthem. Thcv stopiolihtitmimilnolU-e
I took n iloxeit box)' v, It t mo for si-1 r nul f leuii.
when I went In Nome " II. I. as Wi.ski.i
Cnpltitllst. : 117 Wnshlufitou Streel, Sun Krnti
Cisco. August 111, ItHi)
Sent Iktstniild for ii cents In stnintis tn
INLAND llltl'll I'O . If.'ll Washington Hliuot
Pun r'riitielsi-o. Also ou Rule by our looiil tiifi'iu
Men's
Suits
In Nnvy, muck, lleou n, on Dull
PlnlilH, Hlndle-lli'ciiKt Such Suit
like you pity ten dolliu'ri foe nt
credit Htoreri, line
.$5.00
Ovei'coiitei nnd otlice Clothing ut
,M(nej'-Snvlnjl I'l'lcen.
Meu'slteuvy uiiturut wool? L'tidershlrts :.':
Men s neuvy tinturiti msiir uruwi-rs .is
Men's Kt'titevl working shirts ,1'mi
Men's wool y.iru ueol I'onifiirls !k'
tine lurgii Ktlkiill nu rotuforlK ngnln. .. . tl M
Henry rotnforls lur cnminuti us 1 1 mi
While beiNiri)iids, tl Ni kind ... II U)
Shoos for Men, $12.1
Hem y every dny congress shoo, limit's tl.i
Medium weight hire, office weur ... (I Jf
II on vy KiiNtcrn brognns (IW
Sundny styles, liieo or congress il tt
l.ndlus' lino kid nIiihh, Isco (I til
l.ndlos' hlyllih shoes long uour ll.fio. Ji"l
(llrfs fjOa uttilurptttils i-nts, Huhl 'Jfst
I.ndlcs l Ulttu.l (I lift pants, M-sls. sold . Mo
llifnuts little (.'mv p.inls to 1 jenr .'hi
llifiiiiis little grtiy j mil I to tl yciirs liv
You tm if on iitnnv thiugH nt u cnsli stor
mid n I' I Is r rent mi i vt rj thnt" Try it nud
gut rich llim I in.', and ciimpletr i is uow
retuly lo liuiil Writ f ir It to
SMITHS
CASH STORE
25-27 Market Street, San Francisco.
Printers'
Snaps.
Uookce News Cnticti.
Wc liille neverul hundred pairs of lliuir
iw n They urn u trifle smaller than
full Sim Were uwsl by two leading
ilullles Isifuru l.lno's value III. They nre
lust tint Ue lu facilitate eouipotliluii
In purled order Fifty cents pr pair
IMiic (ioi'tlon tlohhci'.
Now Hi) le, HxI'J, seeond-bsnd, wltb
throw on; lu llrst-clust condition IU
stde meant lUturt-n unit Is oue ul Ihe
hunt heoond hand premies we htiielmil
lor u long time. Itlsasuup
Kcoond-lwiiid Cylinder.
S.. v'uluun iUrlo. Will wurU INJU sn
hour. A hum in ii 'or n cuuulry daily.
Home Itody nnd l)lil(ij' Type.
Has not m'du ottu month's uiie Homo ol
Il hardly stulnixl Heioud buud prices
PACIFIC STATES TVPE FOUiM
508 Cliiy Sti-cct, S. V.
(iliielier.
Old I.over- I know I am old enough
to be your grnntlliitlier. but, mj dar
ling. 1 line an Immense fortune to be
itow upon you
Young Heart I hesitate to aunwer.
Old I.over Do not keep ine In bus
(elite. I have lieait dUease, and under
ixcltemeiit I n in likely to dlu at any
moment.
Young Ileart-iiien I will be yours.
II Worheil Well.
"And have yon tried the plan of
reefing your liiisband wllh kind wortU
when he come home late, as 1 sug
gested?" iifekisl ihe elderly friend.
"I have," wild Ihe youngish woman,
'and It works like u charm. He stays
home nil tlie time now trying to tlguro
out what Is tli maltor."-ludlunapolls
I'res.
It Is reported ol) high 'authority Unit
j tho petroleum Industries of Itonmnulu
i have made treat progress of late and
I that If lratiMHir(allon becomca cheaper
nud better this country will be it fur
' tnldublo competitor of America nml
1 Ktuslu.