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Spilyay Tymoo Warm Springs, Oregon May 29, 1992 PAGE 7 Seven things teens are dying to tell their parents Detccti ve Myrle Camcr. a 20-year veteran with the Seattle Police De partment, spent eight years investi gating criminal cases involving ju veniles. Drawing from his experi ence in counseling hundreds of young people in trouble, here arc his views about what these teens expect and need from their parents. In the 10 minutes it ui.es you to read this article, some very disturb ing things will happen to America's youth: Fact: 10 kids will attempt suicide. Fact: 105 kids will quit school. Fact: 6 1 8 high school seniors will smoke marijuana. Fact: 20 girls between ages 15-19 will become pregnant. Fact' 5 of those girls will give birth to illegitimate babies. Fact: 8 of those girls will have abortions. These numbers have become, Quite litcrally.a national crime. Chil dren and youths ages 1 2 and 20 con stitute 57 percent of all serious ar rests made in America. And the problem is getting worse. As a professional law-enforcement detective, I've talked to hun dreds of parents who are upset, angry and sad that their sons and daughters have wound up in trouble. These are not crazed, psychotic adults, but generally well-meaning moms and dads who live in your neighborhood, work hard, volunteer for the PTA, and then sec the whole some lives of their offspring unravel before their eyes. These parents have sat dejectedly on the other side of my desk and insisted that they did everything they could. "Where did we go wrong? they ask. Many times, their own troubled kids have told me the answer. "Mom and Dad didn't listen to me." I see these young guys and gals on their way to the detention home or juvenile hall. We sit and talk, and I get to know their past, their prob lemsand their plans, if any. I'm not a psychologist, nor a pas tor. I'm a working cop who believes Cod has given me an opportunity to help kids. Invariably, as I listen to their stones, I ak each one this ques tion: "If your parents were seated with us, right now, what would you like to tell them?" Their rcsponsesare startling and brutally honest, from what I've learned, these are the seven things kids are dying to tell their parents. Moms and dads, please listen up: 1. "Keep cool." The number-one thing kids in trouble with the law wanted their folks to know was how to keep their cool. In other words, Mom and Dad, don't lose your tem per in a crunch. Don't blow your top when things go wrong. Kids need the reassurance that comes from con trolled responses. I remember a boy named Mike. His mother was an alcoholic who drowned every problem with a belt of booze. No matter what Mike did, both of his folks reacted in rage. When I first met Mike, he had been arrested for destroying property. From there, it got worse. Six years later, he murdered a neighbor. Had Mike's parents been able to keep their cool and show him love and understanding, rather than anger and violence then perhaps Mike may not have continued down this deadly path. 2. "Please show us who's boss." Most young people I talked with want their parents to be strict. They don't want a cruel father beating them with a belt; they want parents who arc consistent and fair in dishing out discipline. Kids need the security of specific boundaries, and they need to know there are consequences for going over the line. Nearly every juvenile crime I've TTTTTTTTTTlT 4-H Summer Week Building Bridges of Friendship June 22-26, 1992 Oregon State University, Corvallis, Oregon Your $155 participation fee includes: Great classes, Pizza Party, Talent Show, Barbeque, Spe cial Workshops, Evening Dance, Meals & Lodging, Spirit Olympics Check with your county Extension office for scholarship availability. investigated involves some type of boundary. The common scenario goes like this: Little Johnny gets caught stealing a candy bar at the neighborhood gro cery store. (Typically, the odds are he has already stolen six to 12 times before his first arrest.) The store manager doesn't bother to notify the police. Instead, he alls Johnny s parents, who mete out their own punishment: "No TV for a week. About the fifth day of his sen tence, Johnny sneaks in a couple of hours of MTV. Mom and Dad aren't' into discipline, so they overlook Johnny's offense. And all of a sud den, boundary is gone. Then, Mom and Dad set up boundary 2 no chatting on the telephone with his girlfriend. But Johnny circumvents this rule, too. One by one, subsequent barriers arc broken down until none remain. Johnny figures he can do anything he wants since Mom and Dad don't as set their authority. The jails I visit are filled with hundreds of Johnnys who stepped over the line. Now, they themselves are broken. I hear them cry out, "I really wanted my folks to bug me. I wanted them to be fair in handing out discipline. I wanted them to show me who was boss." 3. "Don't blow your class." Translation: If you're 40, don't try to act 16. Your kids don't want you to act like them. What they really want is for you to be a parent, someone they can look up to. I wish I could see some of the parents who have brought their kids into my office. I remember one couple who tried desperately to be on the same level as their 16-ycar-old son by talking and dressing like him. During our visit, I had a hard lime knowing which one was the father and which was the son! The father looked at me, pointed to his son, and said, in his best juvcnileze, "Hey man, you gotta do something about my kid. Ya know what I mean?" I looked at the father and thought to myself, "Yeah, I do know, and part of the reason is that you look so ridiculous. Furthermore, I bet your kid thinks you look ridiculous, too." Your kids may be too shy to tell you, but the message is clear: "Be parents, not peers." 4. "Please, light a candle." Many troubled kids I speak with, especially those with uncertain futures, are looking for a genuine spiritual di mension in their lives. They are saying, "Please tell us that God is not dead, sleeping, or on vacation. We need to believe in something bigger and stronger than ourselves." Remember, these aren't little an gels with perfect Sunday school at tendance; these are hardened youths who have thumbed their noses at society. Yet, these same young people really want to know: Is there a God out there? Docs He exist? Docs He really care? 5. "Scare the heck out of us." Translation: Get lough. Mom and Dad. If you catch your kids lying, cheating, stealing, sweanng or booz ing, then discipline ihem. Let them know why what they did was wTong. And when they need punishment, dish it out. But also let them know thai you love them, even when they let you down. I believe in the "5050 rule." The best way to treat your kids is with an equal balance of love and discipline. If a parent show s too much leniency (love) or threatens with too much punishment (discipline), the scale becomes lopsided, and problems re sult. Kids need a discipline that says, "I love you." They need moms and dads who will set rules to protect them from harmful consequences. 6. "Call your bluff." Did you know that kids don'i really want every thing they ask for? They want parents who won't be intimidated when they threaten to drop out of school, or to run away from home. I've met parents who nearly lost it when their kids said things like, "I'm leaving home, and I'm not coming back." Why not call their bluff? When it comes to making threats, most kids don't really mean what they say. Do you think your kid really wants to give up a warm bed. a full refrigerator, and a security of home? Don't back down from your kid's threats and you'll see that he or she will stick around. 7. "Be honest with us." Finally kids want to be told the truth; ft doesn't do any good to try to fool your kids. They know you better than you know yourself. They know when you're telling it like it is, and when you're not. All kids want their folks to "be real." They will accept criticism better when they know it comes from a parent who's honest and up-front. Not every parent has to deal with delinquent children, but every parent has ears to hear them. Now that these youngsters have spoken, are you willing to listen? Information provided by: Warm Springs OSU Extension Office 1131 Paiute Street 553-3238 1992 Spring 4-H Calendar and Fair Dates May 30 Clean up Shitike Creek (all interested 4-H Clubs 10 a.m. 3 p.m.) June 14-18 Tri-County Camp dates for Crystal Springs June 22-26 Summer Week at OSU in Corvallis, OR. July 23-26 Jefferson County Fair, theme "Harvest & Heritage" July 29-Aug 2 Deschutes County Fair, theme "Blue Jeans & Country Scenes" August 9-14 4-H Wilderness Enrichment Camp at Trout Lake August 12-1 6 Crook County Fair, theme "A Coun try Gathering" August 20-23 Wasco County Fair, theme "Cel ebration Along the Barlow Road" Conserve water in kitchen Water is often wasted in the kitchen, but water shouldn't be con served at the expense of cleanliness, cautions Carolyn Raab. Oregon State University Extension foods and nu trition specialist. It's important to wash your hands before beginning food preparation. Wash hands, cut ling boards and utensils after handling raw meat, poultry, seafood and eggs. You can conserve water in the kitchen by keeping these lips in mind: -If it takes awhile for tap water to warm up (or cool down), fill tea kettles, quart jars, or other containers while you wait. Then recycle that water for food preparation, house cleaning, or plant watering. Save 25 gallons of water by turning off the tap when you wash dishes. According to the American Waterworks Association, only 5 gal ions of water will be needed it dishes are washed and rinsed in pans in the sink rather than under running water. Wash raw fruits and vegetables in a pan of water rather than under running water. Then use the water to rinse dirty dishes before washing them. Defrost frozen foods in the re frigerator or microwave rather than under running water. Minimize use of your garbage disposal by wrapping food waste in newspaper for disposal in the trash. Accumulate a full load in the dishwasher before running it Buy inexpensive dishes and utensils at garage sales if a limited supply causes you to run the dishwasher frequently. Three major reasons Oregonians should conserve water Encourage butterflies in your garden Home gardeners can take advan tage of this year's huge migration of painted lady butterflies by turning flower gardens into butterfly gardens. Plan your summer flower garden to include food, drink and shelter for butterflies and their young. The extra effort will be rewarded with a colorful show of winged beauties all summer and into fall. Butterflies feed on nectar-producing flowers, said Paul Hammond, a research associate at Oregon State University (OSU) who specializes in butterflies and moths. "Butterfly weed (Asclepias or milkweed), beebalm, zinnias, mari golds, statice and members of the mint family are some of the many nectar plants for butterflies in mid summer," said Hammond. "In the late summer, asters are great nectar plants." Butterflies also need resting and sunning places. Shrubs provide a safe place out of the wind. The best way to provide drinking water is to have some wet mud somewhere in the yard where butterflies can land safely and sip. Caterpillars, the voracious larvae of butterflies, must also have food. Western tiger swallowtail caterpil lars love alder, cherry, elm, maple, poplar and willows. Anise swal lowtail larvae love members of the parsley family such as fennel, dill and cow parsnip. Nettles and hops are favorites of the red admiral. And painted lady caterpillars love bor- Children also enjoy gardening Spring warmth gets gardeners go ing whether they be old or young. Children, for example, often enjoy gardening much more than they or their parents ever imagined. Consider giving your child the joy of gardening this spring. Any youngster will enjoy growing a gar den. Even a four foot by six foot space can hold wonders and fascina tion for a six -year-old who watches flowers or vegetables develop from seeds that he or she has planted. Give children some help in pick ing out easy-to-grow plants, help them with the soil prcparation.and then stand back and let them do it. If the growing plot is very small, you might help the child choose plants that will not take up too much space such as green beans, carrots, Swiss chard, head lettuce or radishes. If a larger area is available, let the youngsters plant squash, pumpkins, sweet com, tomatoes or peppers. Gardening is contagious, and surely it is one of the nicest habits to have. Keep an eye on your child's garden and give advice as needed, but keep your fingers out of it. Although you may want to do certain things your way, give advice only, and only give it when asked. Let children make their own mis takes and they won't repeat them. age, burdock and centaurea. Most importantly, avoid the in discriminate use of pesticides in the yard, advised Hammond. Butterflies have become increasingly uncom mon in urban and suburban areas because of pesticides. "About three-fourths of the origi nal butterfly species which once in habited the Willamette Valley are gone," said Hammond. "Sadly, gar deners are just not going to see as many kinds of butterflies as they saw 50 years ago." But gardeners can certainly help conserve the butterflies that remain, he said. For more information on creating a healthy habitat for butter flies, consult "The Audubon Society Handbook for Butterfly Watchers," by Robert Michael Pyle, published by Charles Scribner's sons. The OSU Agricultural Experiment S tation has a bulletin about Oregon 's state insect, the Oregon swallowtail butterfly. Up to six copies are avail able at no charge by requesting SB 650, "The Oregon State Insect - The Oregon Swallowtail butterfly," from Publications Orders, agricultural Communications, OSU, Adminis trative Services A422, Corvallis, OR 97331-2119. The immediate reason for most Oregonians to conserve water is drought. However, there are other reasons to conserve water. The United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) identifies three major reasons to conserve water: to help prevent pollution, to save money, and to improve reliability of water resources. Do you know where your water goes? The typical American family of four uses about 3 10 gallons of water per day for indoor purposes. The water use is broken down into the following categories: toilet flushing, 40; bathing or showering, 32; laundry 14; drinking and food, in cluding food preparation, 11; dish washing 3. How closely your family follows these average figures depends upon whether or not you have already in stalled low volume toilets and low-, flow shower heads, whether you let the water run while brushing your teeth, and so on. What will have the greatest con servation effect in the home? Start with activities using the most water (toilet flushing and bathing or showering) and install low-flow de vices to permanently change your water use. Then begin to make other conserving changes in family water use. Start with changes thai have the biggest impact on your water use and which you can stick with. Put the green back into your shrubs Farm and Tractor safety training program to be held New Oregon Wage and Hour Rules (effective March 12, 1990) may cause an additional liability to farm ers and ranchers who plan on hiring minors under 18 years of age to le gally operate power-driven farm machinery. That is unless such mi nors are certified as passing a tractor safety training program (there are some exceptions). To assist farmers, ranchers and Extension Mini-College June 15-18 Oregon State University, Corvallis Four days of classes, workshops, tours and new friends. Co-sponsored by OSU Extension Service and Or egon Extension Homemakers Council minors affected by these new rules, the Extension Service is taking res ervations for its Central Oregon Farm and Tractor safety Training and Certification course, to be conducted at the Jefferson County Fairgrounds (Macy Conroy Building) on June 10, 1 1 and 12 from 8:00 a.m. to 5 p.m. Farmers and ranchers may wish to notify youth of this course offering. Class size is limited to 20 students and only for minors who will be 14 to 17 years of age during the coming agricultural season. Students need to be registered by June 5! A total fee of $20 will be charged to each student taking this 22 hour course. For further information and to make reservations, contact the Ex tension Service at: Crook County -447-6228; Deschutes County 548 6088; Jefferson County - 475-3808; Warm Spring - 553-32383239. That gloomy yellowish look land scape plants sometimes have in the spring is a problem only fertilizer can solve. An application of fertilizer is needed to put the green back into washed-out looking shrubs. A fertilizer high in nitrogen, such as a 20-10-10 combination is highly recommended. It will get evergreen shrubs back into their proper color and help stimulate growth. Apply at the rate of one pound, or two cups per 100 square feet. Another cause of pale, washed out looking evergreen shrubs is lack of magnesium. Magnesium is needed for chlorophyll building. Chlorophyll gives plants their green color. If the shrub is in a soil low in magnesium, epsom salts or a fertilizer containing magnesium sulfate applied at one fourth cup per 10 square feet will help. Epsom salts can be sprinkled on the surface and watered into the soil or can be dissolved and applied with a sprinkler can. Evergreen and other ornamental shrubs such as arborvitae, camelias and rhododendrons will grow much Oat bran muffins 1 12 cups low-sugar bran cereal crumbs 5 packets Equal tabletop sweet ener, sweetened with NutraSweet brand sweetener 12 cup raisins 1 Tbsp. baking powder 1 cup skim milk 2 eggs beaten 1 Tbsp. oil 2 Tbsp. applesauce Use one-half low -sugar bran ce real with NutraSweet brand sweet ener and one-half oat bran cereal. Line muffin pan with paper bak ing cups. Crush cereal and combine dry ingredients. In separate bowl, combine moist ingredients. Mix dry and moist ingredients, let stand for about 5 minutes. Stir. Fill muffin cup 34 full. Microwave on medium (50) for 6 minutes. better through the summer if they are put into strong healthy condition now. Hedges that haven't been fertil ized in the last two years will benefit from an application of a complete fertilizer like an 8-8-8 combination. Oregon 4-H Outdoor Discovery Team Is it for you? it is if. - you will complete the 7th or 8th grade in June 1992; -you would like to learn more about Western Oregon ecology; -you are in good physical condition; -you would like to spend 3 days doing habitat improve ment work at the Oregon 4 H Center. For more information, call the Extension office 475 3808. Applications due May 15. Salad recipes for summer months Cherries & oranges salad 1 head lettuce 1 cup dried cherries 1 can ( 1 1 ounce) mandarin orange sections, drained 13 cup vegetable oil 14 cup orange juice 1 Tbsp. honey 2 Tbsp. cider vinegar 1 tsp. dry mustard 12 tsp. poppy seeds Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste Wash and drain lettuce; tear into bite size pieces. In a large salad bowl, toss together lettuce, cherries and orange sections. In separate small bowl, combine oil, orange juice, honey, vinegar, mustard and poppy seeds; mix well. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Drizzle dressing over salad ingredients, using as much dressing as desired. Yield: 6 servings. Bean-cashew salad 1 cup broccoli florets fresh spinach 12 cup navy or pinto beans, cooked 14 cup toasted cashew bits 12 cup Italian dressing Steam broccoli until tender (or cook covered in microwave for 2 minutes). Combine broccoli and beans with dressing; chill. Wash and dry spinach, discard stems, and tear leaves into bite size pieces. Add spinach and cashews to chilled veg etable and dressing mixture; toss. Yield: 2 servings. Broccoli-potato salad 6 medium new potatoes (about 2 lbs.) cut in 1-inch cubes 2 cups fresh broccoli florets 14 cup orange juice 3 Tbsp. olive oil 2 tsp. basil 1 large clove garlic, minced 14 tsp. hot pepper sauce 2 Tbsp. chopped parsley 2 green onions with tops, thinly sliced Salt to taste Cook potatoes, covered, in 1 inch boiling water just until tender, 10-15 minutes. Drain; keep warm. Mean while, blanch broccoli in boiling water 1 minute. Drain and add to potatoes. In small saucepan, combine juice, oil, vinegar, basil and garlic; bring to boil ing. Remove from heat. Stir in pepper sauce; pour over potatoes and broccoli. Add parsley and onions; toss to coat Add salt; toss. Serve warm. Yield: 8 servings. Zesty potato salad 1 cup dairy sour cream 1 cup chopped green pepper 1 cup chopped celery 34 cup shredded carrot 12 cup pickle relish 14 cup chopped red pepper 14 cup sliced green onion 2 tsp. prepared mustard 12 tsp. salt 14 tsp. pepper 4 cups unpeelcd diced cooked po tatoes, chilled 3 hard-cooked eggs, peeled and chopped Fresh parsley, optional Combine sour cream, green pep per, celery, carrot, pickle relish, red pepper, onion, mustard, salt and pepper in a large bowl; mix well. Add potatoes and eggs, toss gently. Refrigerate, covered, 2-3 hours to allow flavors to blend. Garnish with parsley and serve. Yield 8 cups.
