Spilyay Tymoo
Warm Springs, Oregon
May 29, 1992 PAGE 7
Seven things teens are dying to tell their parents
Detccti ve Myrle Camcr. a 20-year
veteran with the Seattle Police De
partment, spent eight years investi
gating criminal cases involving ju
veniles. Drawing from his experi
ence in counseling hundreds of young
people in trouble, here arc his views
about what these teens expect and
need from their parents.
In the 10 minutes it ui.es you to
read this article, some very disturb
ing things will happen to America's
youth:
Fact: 10 kids will attempt suicide.
Fact: 105 kids will quit school.
Fact: 6 1 8 high school seniors will
smoke marijuana.
Fact: 20 girls between ages 15-19
will become pregnant.
Fact' 5 of those girls will give
birth to illegitimate babies.
Fact: 8 of those girls will have
abortions.
These numbers have become,
Quite litcrally.a national crime. Chil
dren and youths ages 1 2 and 20 con
stitute 57 percent of all serious ar
rests made in America. And the
problem is getting worse.
As a professional law-enforcement
detective, I've talked to hun
dreds of parents who are upset, angry
and sad that their sons and daughters
have wound up in trouble.
These are not crazed, psychotic
adults, but generally well-meaning
moms and dads who live in your
neighborhood, work hard, volunteer
for the PTA, and then sec the whole
some lives of their offspring unravel
before their eyes.
These parents have sat dejectedly
on the other side of my desk and
insisted that they did everything they
could. "Where did we go wrong?
they ask.
Many times, their own troubled
kids have told me the answer. "Mom
and Dad didn't listen to me."
I see these young guys and gals on
their way to the detention home or
juvenile hall. We sit and talk, and I
get to know their past, their prob
lemsand their plans, if any.
I'm not a psychologist, nor a pas
tor. I'm a working cop who believes
Cod has given me an opportunity to
help kids. Invariably, as I listen to
their stones, I ak each one this ques
tion: "If your parents were seated
with us, right now, what would you
like to tell them?"
Their rcsponsesare startling and
brutally honest, from what I've
learned, these are the seven things
kids are dying to tell their parents.
Moms and dads, please listen up:
1. "Keep cool." The number-one
thing kids in trouble with the law
wanted their folks to know was how
to keep their cool. In other words,
Mom and Dad, don't lose your tem
per in a crunch. Don't blow your top
when things go wrong. Kids need the
reassurance that comes from con
trolled responses.
I remember a boy named Mike.
His mother was an alcoholic who
drowned every problem with a belt
of booze. No matter what Mike did,
both of his folks reacted in rage.
When I first met Mike, he had been
arrested for destroying property.
From there, it got worse. Six years
later, he murdered a neighbor.
Had Mike's parents been able to
keep their cool and show him love
and understanding, rather than anger
and violence then perhaps Mike
may not have continued down this
deadly path.
2. "Please show us who's boss."
Most young people I talked with want
their parents to be strict. They don't
want a cruel father beating them with
a belt; they want parents who arc
consistent and fair in dishing out
discipline. Kids need the security of
specific boundaries, and they need to
know there are consequences for
going over the line.
Nearly every juvenile crime I've
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June 22-26, 1992
Oregon State University, Corvallis, Oregon
Your $155 participation fee includes:
Great classes, Pizza Party, Talent Show, Barbeque, Spe
cial Workshops, Evening Dance, Meals & Lodging, Spirit
Olympics
Check with your county Extension office for
scholarship availability.
investigated involves some type of
boundary. The common scenario
goes like this:
Little Johnny gets caught stealing
a candy bar at the neighborhood gro
cery store. (Typically, the odds are
he has already stolen six to 12 times
before his first arrest.)
The store manager doesn't bother
to notify the police. Instead, he alls
Johnny s parents, who mete out their
own punishment: "No TV for a
week.
About the fifth day of his sen
tence, Johnny sneaks in a couple of
hours of MTV. Mom and Dad aren't'
into discipline, so they overlook
Johnny's offense. And all of a sud
den, boundary is gone.
Then, Mom and Dad set up
boundary 2 no chatting on the
telephone with his girlfriend. But
Johnny circumvents this rule, too.
One by one, subsequent barriers arc
broken down until none remain.
Johnny figures he can do anything he
wants since Mom and Dad don't as
set their authority.
The jails I visit are filled with
hundreds of Johnnys who stepped
over the line. Now, they themselves
are broken. I hear them cry out, "I
really wanted my folks to bug me. I
wanted them to be fair in handing out
discipline. I wanted them to show me
who was boss."
3. "Don't blow your class."
Translation: If you're 40, don't try to
act 16. Your kids don't want you to
act like them. What they really want
is for you to be a parent, someone
they can look up to.
I wish I could see some of the
parents who have brought their kids
into my office. I remember one couple
who tried desperately to be on the
same level as their 16-ycar-old son
by talking and dressing like him.
During our visit, I had a hard lime
knowing which one was the father
and which was the son!
The father looked at me, pointed
to his son, and said, in his best
juvcnileze, "Hey man, you gotta do
something about my kid. Ya know
what I mean?"
I looked at the father and thought
to myself, "Yeah, I do know, and part
of the reason is that you look so
ridiculous. Furthermore, I bet your
kid thinks you look ridiculous, too."
Your kids may be too shy to tell
you, but the message is clear: "Be
parents, not peers."
4. "Please, light a candle." Many
troubled kids I speak with, especially
those with uncertain futures, are
looking for a genuine spiritual di
mension in their lives.
They are saying, "Please tell us
that God is not dead, sleeping, or on
vacation. We need to believe in
something bigger and stronger than
ourselves."
Remember, these aren't little an
gels with perfect Sunday school at
tendance; these are hardened youths
who have thumbed their noses at
society. Yet, these same young people
really want to know: Is there a God
out there? Docs He exist? Docs He
really care?
5. "Scare the heck out of us."
Translation: Get lough. Mom and
Dad. If you catch your kids lying,
cheating, stealing, sweanng or booz
ing, then discipline ihem. Let them
know why what they did was wTong.
And when they need punishment,
dish it out. But also let them know
thai you love them, even when they
let you down.
I believe in the "5050 rule." The
best way to treat your kids is with an
equal balance of love and discipline.
If a parent show s too much leniency
(love) or threatens with too much
punishment (discipline), the scale
becomes lopsided, and problems re
sult. Kids need a discipline that says,
"I love you." They need moms and
dads who will set rules to protect
them from harmful consequences.
6. "Call your bluff." Did you know
that kids don'i really want every
thing they ask for? They want parents
who won't be intimidated when they
threaten to drop out of school, or to
run away from home.
I've met parents who nearly lost it
when their kids said things like, "I'm
leaving home, and I'm not coming
back."
Why not call their bluff? When it
comes to making threats, most kids
don't really mean what they say. Do
you think your kid really wants to
give up a warm bed. a full refrigerator,
and a security of home? Don't back
down from your kid's threats and
you'll see that he or she will stick
around.
7. "Be honest with us." Finally
kids want to be told the truth; ft
doesn't do any good to try to fool
your kids. They know you better than
you know yourself. They know when
you're telling it like it is, and when
you're not.
All kids want their folks to "be
real." They will accept criticism
better when they know it comes from
a parent who's honest and up-front.
Not every parent has to deal with
delinquent children, but every parent
has ears to hear them. Now that these
youngsters have spoken, are you
willing to listen?
Information provided by:
Warm Springs OSU
Extension Office
1131 Paiute Street
553-3238
1992 Spring 4-H Calendar and Fair Dates
May 30 Clean up Shitike Creek (all interested 4-H
Clubs 10 a.m. 3 p.m.)
June 14-18 Tri-County Camp dates for Crystal
Springs
June 22-26 Summer Week at OSU in Corvallis,
OR.
July 23-26 Jefferson County Fair, theme "Harvest
& Heritage"
July 29-Aug 2 Deschutes County Fair, theme
"Blue Jeans & Country Scenes"
August 9-14 4-H Wilderness Enrichment Camp at
Trout Lake
August 12-1 6 Crook County Fair, theme "A Coun
try Gathering"
August 20-23 Wasco County Fair, theme "Cel
ebration Along the Barlow Road"
Conserve water in kitchen
Water is often wasted in the
kitchen, but water shouldn't be con
served at the expense of cleanliness,
cautions Carolyn Raab. Oregon State
University Extension foods and nu
trition specialist. It's important to
wash your hands before beginning
food preparation. Wash hands, cut
ling boards and utensils after handling
raw meat, poultry, seafood and eggs.
You can conserve water in the
kitchen by keeping these lips in mind:
-If it takes awhile for tap water to
warm up (or cool down), fill tea
kettles, quart jars, or other containers
while you wait. Then recycle that
water for food preparation, house
cleaning, or plant watering.
Save 25 gallons of water by
turning off the tap when you wash
dishes. According to the American
Waterworks Association, only 5 gal
ions of water will be needed it dishes
are washed and rinsed in pans in the
sink rather than under running water.
Wash raw fruits and vegetables
in a pan of water rather than under
running water. Then use the water to
rinse dirty dishes before washing
them.
Defrost frozen foods in the re
frigerator or microwave rather than
under running water.
Minimize use of your garbage
disposal by wrapping food waste in
newspaper for disposal in the trash.
Accumulate a full load in the
dishwasher before running it Buy
inexpensive dishes and utensils at
garage sales if a limited supply causes
you to run the dishwasher frequently.
Three major reasons Oregonians should conserve water
Encourage butterflies in your garden
Home gardeners can take advan
tage of this year's huge migration of
painted lady butterflies by turning
flower gardens into butterfly gardens.
Plan your summer flower garden
to include food, drink and shelter for
butterflies and their young. The extra
effort will be rewarded with a colorful
show of winged beauties all summer
and into fall.
Butterflies feed on nectar-producing
flowers, said Paul Hammond,
a research associate at Oregon State
University (OSU) who specializes in
butterflies and moths.
"Butterfly weed (Asclepias or
milkweed), beebalm, zinnias, mari
golds, statice and members of the
mint family are some of the many
nectar plants for butterflies in mid
summer," said Hammond. "In the
late summer, asters are great nectar
plants."
Butterflies also need resting and
sunning places. Shrubs provide a safe
place out of the wind. The best way
to provide drinking water is to have
some wet mud somewhere in the
yard where butterflies can land safely
and sip.
Caterpillars, the voracious larvae
of butterflies, must also have food.
Western tiger swallowtail caterpil
lars love alder, cherry, elm, maple,
poplar and willows. Anise swal
lowtail larvae love members of the
parsley family such as fennel, dill
and cow parsnip. Nettles and hops
are favorites of the red admiral. And
painted lady caterpillars love bor-
Children also enjoy gardening
Spring warmth gets gardeners go
ing whether they be old or young.
Children, for example, often enjoy
gardening much more than they or
their parents ever imagined.
Consider giving your child the
joy of gardening this spring. Any
youngster will enjoy growing a gar
den. Even a four foot by six foot
space can hold wonders and fascina
tion for a six -year-old who watches
flowers or vegetables develop from
seeds that he or she has planted.
Give children some help in pick
ing out easy-to-grow plants, help
them with the soil prcparation.and
then stand back and let them do it. If
the growing plot is very small, you
might help the child choose plants
that will not take up too much space
such as green beans, carrots, Swiss
chard, head lettuce or radishes. If a
larger area is available, let the
youngsters plant squash, pumpkins,
sweet com, tomatoes or peppers.
Gardening is contagious, and
surely it is one of the nicest habits to
have. Keep an eye on your child's
garden and give advice as needed,
but keep your fingers out of it.
Although you may want to do
certain things your way, give advice
only, and only give it when asked.
Let children make their own mis
takes and they won't repeat them.
age, burdock and centaurea.
Most importantly, avoid the in
discriminate use of pesticides in the
yard, advised Hammond. Butterflies
have become increasingly uncom
mon in urban and suburban areas
because of pesticides.
"About three-fourths of the origi
nal butterfly species which once in
habited the Willamette Valley are
gone," said Hammond. "Sadly, gar
deners are just not going to see as
many kinds of butterflies as they saw
50 years ago."
But gardeners can certainly help
conserve the butterflies that remain,
he said. For more information on
creating a healthy habitat for butter
flies, consult "The Audubon Society
Handbook for Butterfly Watchers,"
by Robert Michael Pyle, published
by Charles Scribner's sons.
The OSU Agricultural Experiment
S tation has a bulletin about Oregon 's
state insect, the Oregon swallowtail
butterfly. Up to six copies are avail
able at no charge by requesting SB
650, "The Oregon State Insect - The
Oregon Swallowtail butterfly," from
Publications Orders, agricultural
Communications, OSU, Adminis
trative Services A422, Corvallis, OR
97331-2119.
The immediate reason for most
Oregonians to conserve water is
drought. However, there are other
reasons to conserve water. The United
States Environmental Protection
Agency (EPA) identifies three major
reasons to conserve water: to help
prevent pollution, to save money,
and to improve reliability of water
resources.
Do you know where your water
goes?
The typical American family of
four uses about 3 10 gallons of water
per day for indoor purposes. The
water use is broken down into the
following categories: toilet flushing,
40; bathing or showering, 32;
laundry 14; drinking and food, in
cluding food preparation, 11; dish
washing 3.
How closely your family follows
these average figures depends upon
whether or not you have already in
stalled low volume toilets and low-,
flow shower heads, whether you let
the water run while brushing your
teeth, and so on.
What will have the greatest con
servation effect in the home?
Start with activities using the most
water (toilet flushing and bathing or
showering) and install low-flow de
vices to permanently change your
water use. Then begin to make other
conserving changes in family water
use. Start with changes thai have the
biggest impact on your water use and
which you can stick with.
Put the green back into your shrubs
Farm and Tractor safety
training program to be held
New Oregon Wage and Hour
Rules (effective March 12, 1990) may
cause an additional liability to farm
ers and ranchers who plan on hiring
minors under 18 years of age to le
gally operate power-driven farm
machinery. That is unless such mi
nors are certified as passing a tractor
safety training program (there are
some exceptions).
To assist farmers, ranchers and
Extension Mini-College
June 15-18
Oregon State University, Corvallis
Four days of classes, workshops, tours and new
friends.
Co-sponsored by OSU Extension Service and Or
egon Extension Homemakers Council
minors affected by these new rules,
the Extension Service is taking res
ervations for its Central Oregon Farm
and Tractor safety Training and
Certification course, to be conducted
at the Jefferson County Fairgrounds
(Macy Conroy Building) on June 10,
1 1 and 12 from 8:00 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Farmers and ranchers may wish to
notify youth of this course offering.
Class size is limited to 20 students
and only for minors who will be 14 to
17 years of age during the coming
agricultural season. Students need to
be registered by June 5! A total fee of
$20 will be charged to each student
taking this 22 hour course.
For further information and to
make reservations, contact the Ex
tension Service at: Crook County -447-6228;
Deschutes County 548
6088; Jefferson County - 475-3808;
Warm Spring - 553-32383239.
That gloomy yellowish look land
scape plants sometimes have in the
spring is a problem only fertilizer
can solve.
An application of fertilizer is
needed to put the green back into
washed-out looking shrubs.
A fertilizer high in nitrogen, such
as a 20-10-10 combination is highly
recommended. It will get evergreen
shrubs back into their proper color
and help stimulate growth. Apply at
the rate of one pound, or two cups per
100 square feet.
Another cause of pale, washed
out looking evergreen shrubs is lack
of magnesium. Magnesium is needed
for chlorophyll building. Chlorophyll
gives plants their green color. If the
shrub is in a soil low in magnesium,
epsom salts or a fertilizer containing
magnesium sulfate applied at one
fourth cup per 10 square feet will
help.
Epsom salts can be sprinkled on
the surface and watered into the soil
or can be dissolved and applied with
a sprinkler can.
Evergreen and other ornamental
shrubs such as arborvitae, camelias
and rhododendrons will grow much
Oat bran muffins
1 12 cups low-sugar bran cereal
crumbs
5 packets Equal tabletop sweet
ener, sweetened with NutraSweet
brand sweetener
12 cup raisins
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1 cup skim milk
2 eggs beaten
1 Tbsp. oil
2 Tbsp. applesauce
Use one-half low -sugar bran ce
real with NutraSweet brand sweet
ener and one-half oat bran cereal.
Line muffin pan with paper bak
ing cups. Crush cereal and combine
dry ingredients. In separate bowl,
combine moist ingredients. Mix dry
and moist ingredients, let stand for
about 5 minutes. Stir. Fill muffin
cup 34 full. Microwave on medium
(50) for 6 minutes.
better through the summer if they are
put into strong healthy condition now.
Hedges that haven't been fertil
ized in the last two years will benefit
from an application of a complete
fertilizer like an 8-8-8 combination.
Oregon 4-H Outdoor
Discovery Team
Is it for you? it is if. -
you will complete the 7th
or 8th grade in June 1992;
-you would like to learn
more about Western Oregon
ecology;
-you are in good physical
condition;
-you would like to spend 3
days doing habitat improve
ment work at the Oregon 4
H Center.
For more information, call
the Extension office 475
3808. Applications due May
15.
Salad recipes for summer months
Cherries & oranges salad
1 head lettuce
1 cup dried cherries
1 can ( 1 1 ounce) mandarin orange
sections, drained
13 cup vegetable oil
14 cup orange juice
1 Tbsp. honey
2 Tbsp. cider vinegar
1 tsp. dry mustard
12 tsp. poppy seeds
Salt and freshly ground pepper to
taste
Wash and drain lettuce; tear into
bite size pieces. In a large salad bowl,
toss together lettuce, cherries and
orange sections. In separate small
bowl, combine oil, orange juice,
honey, vinegar, mustard and poppy
seeds; mix well. Season with salt and
pepper to taste. Drizzle dressing over
salad ingredients, using as much
dressing as desired. Yield: 6 servings.
Bean-cashew salad
1 cup broccoli florets
fresh spinach
12 cup navy or pinto beans,
cooked
14 cup toasted cashew bits
12 cup Italian dressing
Steam broccoli until tender (or
cook covered in microwave for 2
minutes). Combine broccoli and
beans with dressing; chill. Wash and
dry spinach, discard stems, and tear
leaves into bite size pieces. Add
spinach and cashews to chilled veg
etable and dressing mixture; toss.
Yield: 2 servings.
Broccoli-potato salad
6 medium new potatoes (about 2
lbs.) cut in 1-inch cubes
2 cups fresh broccoli florets
14 cup orange juice
3 Tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. basil
1 large clove garlic, minced
14 tsp. hot pepper sauce
2 Tbsp. chopped parsley
2 green onions with tops, thinly
sliced
Salt to taste
Cook potatoes, covered, in 1 inch
boiling water just until tender, 10-15
minutes. Drain; keep warm. Mean
while, blanch broccoli in boiling water
1 minute. Drain and add to potatoes. In
small saucepan, combine juice, oil,
vinegar, basil and garlic; bring to boil
ing. Remove from heat. Stir in pepper
sauce; pour over potatoes and broccoli.
Add parsley and onions; toss to coat
Add salt; toss. Serve warm. Yield: 8
servings.
Zesty potato salad
1 cup dairy sour cream
1 cup chopped green pepper
1 cup chopped celery
34 cup shredded carrot
12 cup pickle relish
14 cup chopped red pepper
14 cup sliced green onion
2 tsp. prepared mustard
12 tsp. salt
14 tsp. pepper
4 cups unpeelcd diced cooked po
tatoes, chilled
3 hard-cooked eggs, peeled and
chopped
Fresh parsley, optional
Combine sour cream, green pep
per, celery, carrot, pickle relish, red
pepper, onion, mustard, salt and
pepper in a large bowl; mix well.
Add potatoes and eggs, toss gently.
Refrigerate, covered, 2-3 hours to
allow flavors to blend. Garnish with
parsley and serve. Yield 8 cups.