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About East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 16, 2017)
VIEWPOINTS Saturday, December 16, 2017 East Oregonian Page 5A The anchovy wallet: A Christmas story B ig rains blew into northern California that November and December. My kid and I were living along an unnamed creek on a sizable acreage between Petaluma and Point Reyes. My employment entailed the feeding and care of horses, cattle, sheep, hogs, dogs and poultry, including too many peacocks. One peacock is too many. Three is way too many. It was the holiday season. The boss lady, a patroness of the arts, had invited several artsy types to share a Christmas meal with her. “Wouldn’t it be cool,” she reasoned, “to stuff an entire turkey with anchovies? Wouldn’t that be a mind- blower?” I suggested that it would be almost as mind-blowing to feed them peacock. She peeled off a fifty dollar bill. The job also entailed running to town for anchovies. I went to the bunkhouse to change clothing. Two weeks of solid rain and wind, coupled with several power outages, had reduced my trousseau to a hamper full of muddy Wranglers infested with hog snot and peacock crap. I managed to dig deeply enough in my foot locker to retrieve one ratty pair of jeans with the left rear pocket blown out at the bottom seam. That was normally my wallet pocket. I shifted it to the right rear. Petaluma was once the egg capital of the world, and still sports an eight-foot concrete chicken in its city park, but it is only a 35-minute Porsche ride from San Francisco. The herd of gentrifying bedroom commuters carried their notion of culture with them when they bought Petaluma’s charm. Old Italian corner markets were supplanted by gigantic shopping complexes, with supermarkets at both ends. Downtown was deserted. All commerce took place in chain stores that circled the old city. Even in Pendleton I think of this phenomenon as California ringworm. In all the glitz and shuck of modern food retailing I could not find one stinking little can of anchovies, let alone 50 bucks worth. Finally, while wandering down the condiment aisle of a Lucky Supermarket, about the time I was beginning to think that artists all over Marin country must be jamming rotten little fish into the gut cavities of turkeys, I ran across a small printed sign saying: “We are terribly sorry to inconvenience our anchovy customers. Due to the effects of El Niño on the Peruvian fishery, there has been an indefinite interruption of the North American supply of canned anchovies.” I stole the sign. Rich patrons of the arts don’t like to believe that there are such things as anchovy shortages. On the way back out of Petaluma, I stopped to buy a pack of smokes at a 7-Eleven. Ten minutes toward the ranch, while leaning over to fight an ashtray fire, I realized that my wallet was not in my right rear pocket. I slapped my left cheek. Not there either. Aw Shucks! Habit had over-ridden carefulness and I’d put the billfold into my shredded left rear pocket. My driver’s license and forty-eight dollars of the bosslady’s money was laying back there in the 7-Eleven parking lot. I flipped a U-turn. What were the chances? Maybe I could at least salvage the driver’s license. Lady Luck works in mysterious ways. In my former parking spot was a chromed, engraved, air-brushed panhead El Niño is the Spanish word for the Christ child. Quick takes Pendleton Whisky is sold Oh no! Canadian whiskey with an Amer- ican name sold to Mexicans?! What is this world coming to? — Chris Settles It is a huge move for the brand. This company will take it more nationwide/ global and the Round-Up will get more money off the royalties. I’m not a fan of the whiskey but as far as business moves this is huge. — Jess-Pat Schiller They all sell to bigger company eventu- ally. I’d sell out for that money, too. — William Moser Hermiston police nab 75 pounds of marijuana Maybe if they actually allowed a dispen- sary in the city, people wouldn’t continue to buy from street dealers. — Warren G Molden Why do people justify crimes, any crimes? — Leola Lyons McConkey Pendleton considers prayer before council meeting Even though I believe in the freedom of prayer, I agree ... it is more of a personal issue than a public issue. The pledge of allegiance however, is more of a public declaration. — Pam Ezell It wouldn’t hurt to invite God to the party. — Denise Henkle Owen Why couldn’t they give everyone 3 minutes of silence to quietly address their higher power (or take a nap if they don’t believe in that) so that way they respect everyone? Then they’re not forcing anyone to do anything they don’t want to yet still respecting those that prefer to pray. — Jessica Wheeler If you let Christian prayers in you have to let everyone else in. How about not wasting time squabbling about whose god is better and actually do some work? J.D. S mith FROM THE HEADWATERS OF DRY CREEK into the parking lot, with a $60 case of Pearl Brand Anchovies tied to his sissy bar. The bosslady did carry out her culinary experiment. I will never know how an anchovy-stuffed turkey tastes. We could smell the admixture of roasting bird and fish oil clear out in the bunkhouse. The cats were very interested in the odor. Delta and I opted to eat our holiday meal at the local Wendy’s. I bought a chain for my wallet on Friday. ■ J.D. Smith is an accomplished writer and jack-of-all-trades. He lives in Athena. The Air Force needs to listen to rural residents O n Sept. 27, 1956, my New Mexico, a population of 30,000. father piloted the tricky, Not a single voice from the experimental X-2 on farmers and ranchers of Grant County one of its first flights of well was heard. Nor from Silver City, a over 1,000 miles per hour. That community that largely depends on day, the rocket plane performed tourism, recreation and retirement. exceptionally well and set a new And not a single voice was heard speed record. Then it spun wildly from the many people who value out of control. I was only 2 years Sharman the heritage of this country’s oldest old when Captain Milburn Apt wilderness and the peaceful beauty of Apt Russell crashed and died in the Mojave New Mexico’s last free-flowing river. Comment Desert at Edwards Air Force Base, The Air Force made no serious California. I have always admired attempt to inform the citizens of my father’s courage and service to this Grant County about the country, as I admire the courage and service new Military Operations of so many American pilots. Area. At a special county Yet I do not admire what the Air commission meeting Force plans to do where I live. In 2018, that was organized after Holloman Air Force Base in New Mexico the military’s scoping will decide whether to create a new process had closed, Air Military Operations Area for F-16 fighter Force representatives jets above the Gila River watershed in said that they had Grant County, New Mexico. sent a letter to one There would be potentially 10,000 county commissioner “sorties” a year, with a sortie defined as a and another letter to a plane leaving and returning to the Air Force regional newspaper that base. Ten percent of those flights will be was not the newspaper Mach 1, faster than the speed of sound at of record. The Air Force apologized for 768 mph, and 10 percent will take place any misunderstanding and agreed to at night. Many of the fighter jets will be allow further public comment up to the flying at high speed just 500 feet above the completion of their draft EIS this spring. ground. Others will be dropping flares and a More public hearings will then follow. radar-deflecting metal material called chaff Those comments can be submitted online from above 2,000 feet. These maneuvers, at www.hollomanafbairspaceeis.com or designed to test new pilots, will take place mailed to an address on that website. Among over the Gila National Forest and Gila and two options, Alternative Two creates a new Aldo Leopold wilderness areas, skirting the testing area. vibrant arts-and-culture town of Silver City. Here in Grant County, we have the How did local people react to these plans? next few months to help shape that draft They weren’t asked. A 30-day “scoping environmental impact statement. Some process” to inform the Environmental Impact of us will explain how bursts of extreme Statement required by this plan took place noise — sonic booms — many times an this last fall. To help assess the environmental hour will affect our health and well-being, and social impacts of the flights, the Air as well as our sleeping patterns. Others Force held three town meetings, but not one will talk about the effect of sporadic booms was in the affected area of Grant County, on deer and other wildlife, horses, hikers, hunters, children and the elderly and sick, as well as property values. We can point to the values of silence and solitude that are embedded in the Wilderness Act itself. We can explore the potential hazards of falling chaff to wildlife and people. Ken Ladner, the mayor of Silver City, has already written a letter to Holloman Air Force Base opposing the plan, citing the town’s dependence on tourism but also noting potential damage to Native American sites from sound vibrations. He also cited the impacts to the “vast scientific laboratory” of the Gila National Forest and the role of this area as a gateway to the Continental Divide Trail system. The mayor invited Air Force officials to visit Silver City before making a decision and concluded, “I would be happy to be your personal guide.” My friends and neighbors in the Gila Valley are not anti- military. But the way the Air Force initially pushed this plan through without consulting those most affected by it was flat wrong. The scale of training being proposed for this new Military Operations Area is extreme. Holloman Air Force Base has other options, including dividing these 10,000 flights among multiple training areas and the nearby White Sands Missile Range. Preserving the unique character of rural New Mexico is more than a self-interested, not-in-my-backyard stance. Our national forests and wilderness areas deserve protection because they are legacies that belong to everyone. ■ Sharman Apt Russell is a contributor to Writers on the Range, the opinion service of High Country News (hcn.org). She is a writer in New Mexico. The Air Force is deciding where to test new F-16 fighter jets, faster than the speed of sound. CONTACT YOUR REPRESENTATIVES U.S. PRESIDENT Donald Trump The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500 Comments: 202-456-1111 Switchboard: 202-456-1414 www.whitehouse.gov/contact/ — Jenni Remillard One of the great lessons of the Twitter age is that much can be summed up in just a few words. Here are some of this week’s takes. Tweet yours @Tim_Trainor or email editor@eastoregonian. com, and keep them to 140 characters. Harley hog, equipped with ape-hangers, studded saddle bags, and a twisted barstock extended springer front end. Old school. The motorcycle’s skinny front tire was sitting directly on my wallet. It was not difficult to figure out who owned the Harley. Inside the store was a large fellow munching on Cheetoes and slapping a pinball machine. I approached him with my dilemma, and offered to buy him a six pack of his choice if he would move his motorcycle backwards six inches. He looked through the plate glass, spied the wallet and broke out in giggles. “Wow, far out. Never even saw the goods. I’m lucky to get the kickstand down without tipping her over. Sure.” His name was Darrell. The ranch bought us each a sixer and we communed in the parking lot. He mentioned that I should put a chain on my wallet. I mentioned the anchovy famine, showed him the purloined sign. Darrell had been a meteorologist in the Navy. He explained that El Niño was the Spanish word for the Christ child, that around Christmastime of some years prevailing westerly trade winds along the equator in the Pacific change to easterlies, pushing a big wave of warm water against the coast of South America. There are not enough nutrients in the warm water to support the 20 million-member schools of anchovies, so the fish either starve or head for cooler waters, leaving the Peruvian anchovy canneries with nothing to can. The year before had been a very major El Niño year. But he knew where to score anchovies. His brother was managing a pizza joint that was about to belly-up because a new Pizza Hut had opened in the mall. Give him 30 bucks and he’d become an anchovy dealer. Fifteen minutes later Crabby rumbled back U.S. REPRESENTATIVE Greg Walden 185 Rayburn House Office Building Washington, DC 20515 202-225-6730 La Grande office: 541-624-2400 U.S. SENATORS Ron Wyden 221 Dirksen Senate Office Bldg. Washington, DC 20510 202-224-5244 La Grande 541-962-7691 Jeff Merkley 313 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510 202-224-3753 Pendleton: 541-278-1129 STATE REPRESENTATIVES Greg Barreto, District 58 900 Court St. NE, H-38 Salem, OR 97301 503-986-1458 Rep.GregBarreto@state.or.us Greg Smith, District 57 900 Court St. NE, H-482 Salem, OR 97301 503-986-1457 Rep.GregSmith@state.or.us STATE SENATOR Bill Hansell, District 29 900 Court St. NE, S-423 Salem, OR 97301 503-986-1729 Sen.BillHansell@state.or.us