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About East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 2017)
-);<-:67:-/768):-6<.MJZ]IZa Perfect parents, perfect children … fact or fantasy? By VIRGINIA JUSTICE A lot of ques ons arise in the pursuit of being the “perfect parent.” Should everyone aspire to be one or is our goal of perfec on crea ng neuro c, needy children with unrealis c expecta- ons of us as parents and themselves? Where is the line between hav- ing high expecta ons and expec ng perfec- on? What’s perfec on, anyway, and is it even possible? Alterna vely, do our children benefi t from seeing us as fallible human beings who take responsibility for our mistakes? As parents, we bring home our bundle of joy without an instruc on manual; however, I do recall sign- ing something akin to a no refund agreement. It is pre y darn scary being a parent, especially a new one. Some parents fi gure one small mistake and you are dooming your child to a future of failure. If we really feel that way, consider how it aff ects your child. Children can read our emo ons, including frustra- on and anger, but some mes they misinterpret with whom we are frustrated. When evalua ng child develop- ment, experts have a range regard- ing childhood milestones. Devel- opmental milestones do not state that at one year every child should be able to walk without assistance rather, they indicate that between certain ages a child should be ac- complishing certain things. As a parent, it’s important to recognize the diff erence between what a In Learning. From experienced parent and grandparent Lisa Hanson: “Parents have to be okay with making mistakes and the children will see that everyone, young or old, can learn that prac ce and eff ort to accomplish something will bring sa sfac on and self- esteem.” Just for perspec- ve, Google the word “perfec on” — it is quite en- lightening. Is there really such a thing as a fl awless person, a thing without imper- child can do and what she will do. Children with an older sibling may be able to speak quite well, but do not need to if their older sibling speaks for them. This doesn’t mean the child is “behind” developmen- tally but has determined that she does not need to do something that someone else is willing to do for her, which seems smart when you think about it. As with children, the theories of “child development specialists” dif- fer, so what’s a parent to do? Many experienced parents suggest you do the best you can and not sweat the small stuff . They may also tell you that they modify their parent- ing style based on their children’s personali es. In other words, me out may work with one child but not with the other. As a parent, you will likely fi nd yourself “experi- men ng” to fi gure out what works best for your child — teach them that F.A.I.L. equals First A empt Parenting Tip fec ons? From BreAhnna Stephens, single mother of three in Richland, Washington: “There is no such thing as perfect. You can give with all you have, love with every fi ber of your being and s ll never reach perfec on. “But,” she adds, “luckily for us our babies don’t need perfec on, they just need our love. Everything else follows.” ________ Home economist Virginia JusƟ ce holds an educaƟ on degree. The Pendleton resident and her husband have two college-aged daughters. HEATHER A. BACON, PH.D. & JENNIFER K. COOPER, PSY.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologists Helping parents discover new ways to shape behavior and reconnect with children. Currently accepting new patients. Most insurance and private pay accepted. 860 W. Elm Ave., Suite 204, Hermiston, OR 97838 541-289-7777 • hermistonpsych.com
