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Perfect parents, perfect children … fact or fantasy?
By VIRGINIA JUSTICE
A lot of ques ons arise
in the pursuit of being
the “perfect parent.”
Should everyone aspire
to be one or is our goal
of perfec on crea ng
neuro c, needy children
with unrealis c expecta-
ons of us as parents and
themselves? Where is
the line between hav-
ing high expecta ons
and expec ng perfec-
on? What’s perfec on,
anyway, and is it even
possible? Alterna vely,
do our children benefi t
from seeing us as fallible
human beings who take
responsibility for our
mistakes?
As parents, we bring home our
bundle of joy without an instruc on
manual; however, I do recall sign-
ing something akin to a no refund
agreement. It is pre y darn scary
being a parent, especially a new
one. Some parents fi gure one small
mistake and you are dooming your
child to a future of failure. If we
really feel that way, consider how it
aff ects your child. Children can read
our emo ons, including frustra-
on and anger, but some mes they
misinterpret with whom we are
frustrated.
When evalua ng child develop-
ment, experts have a range regard-
ing childhood milestones. Devel-
opmental milestones do not state
that at one year every child should
be able to walk without assistance
rather, they indicate that between
certain ages a child should be ac-
complishing certain things. As a
parent, it’s important to recognize
the diff erence between what a
In Learning. From
experienced parent
and grandparent Lisa
Hanson: “Parents
have to be okay with
making mistakes and
the children will see
that everyone, young
or old, can learn
that prac ce and
eff ort to accomplish
something will bring
sa sfac on and self-
esteem.”
Just for perspec-
ve, Google the
word “perfec on”
— it is quite en-
lightening. Is there
really such a thing as
a fl awless person, a
thing without imper-
child can do and what she will do.
Children with an older sibling may
be able to speak quite well, but do
not need to if their older sibling
speaks for them. This doesn’t mean
the child is “behind” developmen-
tally but has determined that she
does not need to do something that
someone else is willing to do for
her, which seems smart when you
think about it.
As with children, the theories of
“child development specialists” dif-
fer, so what’s a parent to do? Many
experienced parents suggest you
do the best you can and not sweat
the small stuff . They may also tell
you that they modify their parent-
ing style based on their children’s
personali es. In other words, me
out may work with one child but
not with the other. As a parent,
you will likely fi nd yourself “experi-
men ng” to fi gure out what works
best for your child — teach them
that F.A.I.L. equals First A empt
Parenting
Tip
fec ons? From BreAhnna Stephens,
single mother of three in Richland,
Washington: “There is no such
thing as perfect. You can give with
all you have, love with every fi ber
of your being and s ll never reach
perfec on.
“But,” she adds, “luckily for us
our babies don’t need perfec on,
they just need our love. Everything
else follows.”
________
Home economist Virginia JusƟ ce
holds an educaƟ on degree. The
Pendleton resident and her husband
have two college-aged daughters.
HEATHER A. BACON, PH.D. &
JENNIFER K. COOPER, PSY.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologists
Helping parents discover new ways to shape
behavior and reconnect with children.
Currently accepting new patients.
Most insurance and private pay accepted.
860 W. Elm Ave., Suite 204, Hermiston, OR 97838
541-289-7777 • hermistonpsych.com