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About East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 2016)
7K\WJMZ-);<-:67:-/768):-6< Coach your children to be individuals, not mini-me’s By VIRGINIA JUSTICE Some parents want their child to be a star athlete, discover the cure for cancer or be miniature versions of themselves and con nu- ally push their kids in that direc on. But what if your child wants to be a plumber, fi refi ghter or astronaut? Parents have considerable infl uence over the decisions of their children. When does that infl uence cross the line and cause stress and anxiety for children? In her blog, career coach Mo- nique Be y observes that the most diffi cult situa on for a child “is when they have a nega vely in- volved parent. These parents push their children down career paths of their own choosing and may beli le the child’s choices and impede their progress if the child and the parent have opposing ideas. This leads to anxiety and resentment on the part of the children and o en insecurity that they can achieve the career they really want.” In short, are we as parents al- lowing our children to develop their own individuality or crea ng stressed, anxious young people who seek to please their parents rather than following their own desires? As parents of two daughters, all my husband and I wanted was for our children to be happy and become produc ve adults. We felt it was important to ins ll in them curiosity and a love of learning. If they were interested in trying something, we did our best to HEATHER A. BACON, PH.D. & JENNIFER K. COOPER, PSY.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologists Helping parents discover new ways to shape behavior and reconnect with children. Currently accepting new patients. Most insurance and private pay accepted. 860 W. Elm Ave., Suite 204, Hermiston, OR 97838 541-289-7777 • hermistonpsych.com ensure they had an opportunity to have a hands-on experience. Take your children to the library, a zoo, OMSI, the children’s museum and sit on the fl oor to play with them to help them discover the vast world around them. Children don’t need expensive toys to have fun; they will play with a cardboard box, water-soluble markers and s ckers for hours. Encour- age children to experience many things in an endeavor to fi nd their true calling. Our young- est loved Steve Irwin, the Croco- dile Hunter, and told us from an early age she wanted to be a marine biologist and work with marine animals. How do you encourage that? Send her on a shark dive, of course. Yes we did! Point Defi ance Zoo and Aquarium in Tacoma has a program where people eight years and older can par cipate in a cage dive in the shark tank. The aquarium provides the wet suit and facemask; par ci- pants are provided air through an umbilical type tether. As a mom, I worried that something would hap- pen during her dive, a shark might a ack, but this did not happen, even when they opened the large door of the cage and she stood in the doorway. This experience only galvanized her desire to study marine science. Today, she has her sights set on earning a Ph.D. in ma- rine science. Strategies Our other daughter tried a couple paths and decided that her passion lies in nursing. She is planning to pursue a career in nursing with the goal of be- coming a physi- cian’s assistant specializing in dermatology. What can parents do to encourage individuality and crea vity in their children? Encourage explora on though reading, experience and crea ve play, and talk to them about their interests. The library provides a wealth of informa on and spending me with books will foster the imagina on. Encourage your children to be indi- viduals, even if their interests are diff erent from yours. Do not expect children to like what you do just because they are your off spring. Avoid comparing siblings by de- velopmental markers or interests; children learn and do at their own pace. Encourage your children to be who they want to be, not who you think they should be. ________ Pendleton resident Virginia JusƟ ce is a former subsƟ tute teacher. She and her husband have two college- aged daughters.
