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Coach your children to be individuals, not mini-me’s
By VIRGINIA JUSTICE
Some parents want their child
to be a star athlete, discover the
cure for cancer or be miniature
versions of themselves and con nu-
ally push their kids in that direc on.
But what if your child wants to be
a plumber, fi refi ghter or astronaut?
Parents have considerable infl uence
over the decisions of their children.
When does that infl uence cross the
line and cause stress and anxiety
for children?
In her blog, career coach Mo-
nique Be y observes that the most
diffi cult situa on for a child “is
when they have a nega vely in-
volved parent. These parents push
their children down career paths of
their own choosing and may beli le
the child’s choices and impede their
progress if the child and the parent
have opposing ideas. This leads to
anxiety and resentment on the part
of the children and o en insecurity
that they can achieve the career
they really want.”
In short, are we as parents al-
lowing our children to develop
their own individuality or crea ng
stressed, anxious young people
who seek to please their parents
rather than following their own
desires?
As parents of two daughters,
all my husband and I wanted was
for our children to be happy and
become produc ve adults. We felt
it was important to ins ll in them
curiosity and a love of learning.
If they were interested in trying
something, we did our best to
HEATHER A. BACON, PH.D. &
JENNIFER K. COOPER, PSY.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologists
Helping parents discover new ways to shape
behavior and reconnect with children.
Currently accepting new patients.
Most insurance and private pay accepted.
860 W. Elm Ave., Suite 204, Hermiston, OR 97838
541-289-7777 • hermistonpsych.com
ensure they had an opportunity to
have a hands-on experience. Take
your children to the library, a zoo,
OMSI, the children’s museum and
sit on the fl oor to play with them to
help them discover the vast world
around them. Children don’t need
expensive toys
to have fun; they
will play with a
cardboard box,
water-soluble
markers and
s ckers for
hours. Encour-
age children to
experience many
things in an
endeavor to fi nd
their true calling.
Our young-
est loved Steve
Irwin, the Croco-
dile Hunter, and
told us from an
early age she
wanted to be a marine biologist
and work with marine animals.
How do you encourage that? Send
her on a shark dive, of course. Yes
we did! Point Defi ance Zoo and
Aquarium in Tacoma has a program
where people eight years and older
can par cipate in a cage dive in the
shark tank. The aquarium provides
the wet suit and facemask; par ci-
pants are provided air through an
umbilical type tether. As a mom, I
worried that something would hap-
pen during her dive, a shark might
a ack, but this did not happen,
even when they opened the large
door of the cage and she stood
in the doorway. This experience
only galvanized her desire to study
marine science. Today, she has her
sights set on earning a Ph.D. in ma-
rine science.
Strategies
Our other daughter tried a
couple paths and decided that her
passion lies in
nursing. She
is planning to
pursue a career
in nursing with
the goal of be-
coming a physi-
cian’s assistant
specializing in
dermatology.
What can
parents do
to encourage
individuality
and crea vity in
their children?
Encourage
explora on
though reading,
experience and crea ve play, and
talk to them about their interests.
The library provides a wealth of
informa on and spending me with
books will foster the imagina on.
Encourage your children to be indi-
viduals, even if their interests are
diff erent from yours. Do not expect
children to like what you do just
because they are your off spring.
Avoid comparing siblings by de-
velopmental markers or interests;
children learn and do at their own
pace. Encourage your children to be
who they want to be, not who you
think they should be.
________
Pendleton resident Virginia JusƟ ce
is a former subsƟ tute teacher. She
and her husband have two college-
aged daughters.