The Oregon daily journal. (Portland, Or.) 1902-1972, December 21, 1907, Image 13

The Oregon daily journal., December 21, 1907, Page 13, Image 13

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Newspaper Page Textniim "eVfai. IWT. ESSAYS OF' LITTLE BOBBIE The Way Things Turn Out By JAMES J. MONTAGUE. The Hallroom Boys Visit a Rival Establishment. XrpHUG GREEN wai raw I 1 rawing freahie With an arm like a twelve-by-twelve beam And a hand like a hod, to he got on the squad And presently played on the team. HIS game waa a marvel of taqtia; He played like a battering ram: He would itrangle a half with a hid eous laugh, Though hia outward demeanor waa ca'm. THE girls were all crazy about him And when, in hia dashing career. He would gouge out the eye of a rush flying by They would murmur in glee, "Ain't he dear)" OR when, at a critical moment. He would plant down his bat tleship feet 1 On the right tackle's head and leave him for dead. They would whisper: "Oh! isn't he sweet?" A ND every one called him a hero, l And said: "By the style of his play. If he keeps out of jail he scarcely can fail To land in the White House some day." BUT up on a corner of Broadway The Thug may be frequently seen Inside the third door on the twenty eighth floor, Where the sign is Chiropodist Green. .To-day 's Bjst Story. A-VWIT IM North of England Tlcir ' Mil for some time been displeased wljjj t!ja, quality. of the ml!k tented blm Bp determined to remonstrate wltb bit milkman fnr supplying such weak ftuff. lie began .mildly: tTt been wanting to see yon InregardJ M to quality 01 rung jou ire serving me. "In, tr," unqasllr answered tbe trades man. "I only wanted to say," continued the minister, "that I use the milk for dietary purposes exclusively and. not for christ ening. AN ARTISTIC SERVANT. The girl had been but three weeks in the employ of an artistic family; but her time had been by no meant wasted.' The mistress teas giving in structions. "Don't forget the potatoes," enjoined ie lady. "No, ma'am." teas the reply. "Jfill you have 'em in their jackets or in the noodf" Penny Magazine. A HANDY HABIT. O'Brien 'Tis a guare thing about a cousin o' mine. He has a great habit o' walkin' in his sleep. O'TooleYe don't tell met Can't he bo cured of it. at allt O'Brien Cured of itt Bhure, tis the makin' of him; he's on the police force. Illustrated Bits. THE MOTOR FACE. A few days ago a well-known person age, teat motoring in Derbyshire, when a policeman stopped him. "You'll have to take off that mask," said the officer; "it's frightening every one who sees it." the unfortunate offender. The Tatler. A KILLING FROST. firs. OaddieOf course Mrs. Nuritch thought when she brought her daughter out she'd be Quito a society bud. but mo. Piety took no notice of the poor girl at all. Mrs. Oloat Ah, nipped her hopes in the bud, eht HAD LEARNED BETTER. Auntie notice your dolly doesn't cry "Mamma" when the is squeezed now. She did when I bought her for you. Niece No, auntie; but you forget this is her second season out! London Opinion. A FOREGONE CONCLUSJON. "And then, mind you," exclaimed Miss Passay, indignantly, "she asked me if 1 wouldn't marry the firs man that came along." "The idea!" exclaimed Miss Cutting. "Don't these obviously unnecessary ques tions make you tired t" SOUR GRAPES. "That fellow," said one woman, "is constantly repeating the old joke about the difficulty of finding a woman's pocket." "But, you know," the other explained, smiting, "he married a rich wife."! ticrops. ! ! Bad Weather. L "1 want todo wma Christmas shopping ' j to-day", dear," said a foud wife "that la, : 4 L AUIJ wcuiMCA a tniviftuis. ITW1( IB IQB forecast!" At the other end of the table her hus band, 'consulting . hia. paper, read aloud: "Rain,- hall, now. thunder, lightning and floods,l,-LIpplncott's. '""t f - "' .1; ;- Poor Fellow. ' . JTne Mother If bt proposes to-day, tell him hm mnftt Bnftb tn m. If h ilium't ;, propose, tell hint 1 want to speak to film,- MAll ROOn. THE BOSS WANTS TO) awunu iu int LM tntNT 111 f N30Y THAT. ILL CFT the prices and ME. TOO. 1 UDt-ObAL rWDIE ILKttP TABS ON THtQ.T. 3 WILL mi KINDLY HOW MUCH Nft SHOW ME 50MtTHIN(, IN Ymtfi VTL fit )R Awn AHMWm WEAVES? .buntlhiNtilNtHISUNt WOWD CAAACtfL CLOTHS. ISTHlCv nAnt nNlCt QUAUTT? B.G3 Ar But Rhymo XMASTlME iS HER.e AGAIN,- 1 HAVE JUST BLOWN IN A TEN, 'AND BEFORE THE DAT i$ OER VNILL BLOW IN TWENTY MORE V 'J THE YOUNGER GENERATION, "Say, Katie, why don't you ever get your- aelf up Ilka that?" "AH ALONE! LET. ME" 'GAIrl NTOrvvTN TaROUND' ' THEM Z H TEACH YOU Tr.E. MERRY) 1 EYES FAIR ONEf ) . I AROUND? I M . AROU NO l - !S " . t m. T r- ... , ' ' I 1 . v' ' . ' I .11 I ROYS JO CXi IW.wt RtLOOlNGA lllatl ft lAooll'JWlftiUltbV, STOHES Awn THESE FANCY QRLS.HOW DOESYHIS .80 -1 THlNKi BROCADED SATIN SOUHE STRmfc-IOUrUANCY? WAIbl 56INCHE5 AND ONLY , VL0UHCWN0J rso A YARD slim II M 1 1 1 1 1 it They Are Recognized by an Old Friend, and Their Mission Proves a the Monk Does .SISTER WANTi AN UMoeRE.Lt', J A TEDDY SEAR FOR LfTTLE NELL" JERRY WANTS A FERRY BOAT; - rvTiULlfc WANTo A BILLY &OAT ; "Hand over dat chewing gum In yer left cheek, Maggie, if yer value yer life!" It Happened lYMINn WE OUCiMT T0CntT HEH 6 OH 7 lAHDb Or" iHIb PrIN SATIN LIHIPED VOllF . HELLO PFRCl ISN T IT DRESSY HZ 25- REDUCED FH0MD5.7S WHAT iHtot TUUNM .WIIAI AbARC,AlN. mbbCiRWi'NN Some Christmas (walking up and Running .down, ITRAMRNG- ALL ABOUT THE TOWN, IN AND OUT OF EV'RY STORE", SHOPPING I5 AN AWFUL BORrZ . "Boo-hoo! I dreamed I ate a whole mince pie. an' when I woke up all I had waa a pain In me stummlck!" in Birdland. mm HCRt S H ALIflANS AND CRlHFVf b JACQUCS.YOU MIQ1T IU OS OUT HIKE -Will Stt WHATKIh40 Or ADtin.iMJN utntvr. ANnrrRMF . HflWC, rxfRtTHINr, mra i as L -. m 9 WANACOOjtH 5 ? bAY BOTb.TOU OUGHT TO C0MEOVFH in UU NUI UUUit Wl (Ajrv jiytL . wl vwni nAAVL kj MORE PRlCEbTO jWOBrt NIQHT5 DURlNdmAb liEn ;wtLriirM YOU DO EITHER. ItttTrE. Failure. Shopping. I fe.v M-V X.K.YU 6 Coprrlfht. 1907, b Amrte Joumal Cumtan. ONE THING- MORE ILL HAVE TO BliY.C v it Beefsteak to put on my vre .. Copyright, 190T, bt AnMrlcao-Joumal-EnmloOT. "Where did you get the hat?" "Hat! Dla ain't no hat. Dis is a crea tion." CopjTtght, 1907, bj American-Journal-Examiner. PLAGIARISM. ryrllEN I went to achoot ratrday lAV my fchr a4 WtIL well. Hobble, what do yott think, ona (1) of th other boya haa been rltelnff eiianya too. Algernon Biota, man of OUT rdmaliel brewer. Nil teacher. Why, toocher. I 1. can you beat ItT Let mo ai-n the mux, I aed. A thla la the runny hn ahowcx ino: Thli ri.T a ahnut tier. It 1 what any fithrr iimlk, it la brown at tbe bottoia A wtt nl tho tup wtiara th foam K U'k nn on th lr rn II la browa III the Irln fnr In I ho rnl It hltM like a I.W A iliisi like a wltur wrft, alrfi'lr yt. Now. HoMiio, acd my techr, I want you to rll nie a easay about rlaarlar-v lm, wlch merna teellnaT atuil frora (rata poeta, authora, etc. Grate Men Wich Stole Stuff. i'laarlariam cuma from a old Roman fworfl wlch meni Go aa far aa yo Ilka, amona tha grota man wlch atola i tuff la Mlatar Shakaapaer, Mia tar Ird Byron. Mlater Ttelanko etc. Mlater BrlRHlco la the only one (1) I ' nnlmed wlch Is atlll living- & ha leant ' aahamcd of anything- ha did. Doant bn afraid to atoal stuff In the Utary wurl'1. ha toald ma, aa the old poet ad, Mlater Helaako toald me: Everybody ateela but Father A ha cant write. When I went hoam ft asked P about Algernon Plotx. wlch had been (teellna; my easaya. Pa laffed. Doant you care. Bobble, be aed. Remember, Bobble, Pa aad, thla poor boy of wlch you apeek of la only a brewer's eon. dolna; the beat he can. why doant yoa aend him a poem of protest, aed Pa, like thla: Un ma; booit Blots'a eaaaya aa much aa thij will But the nrtat nf tba later will ellnf to the in atlll. Newer mind. Bobble, eed Pa, keep plugging- away ft unless you are run nine; on a muddy track. Pa aed, yoa will be the one (1) beat bet. Pa Rote a Peece Once. Speeklna; of steelln. aed Pa. I rot a peece once for a sons;. It was called The Weddln Bells was Ringing ft the Bride was on the Job. thare waa lota of butlful lines. Pa sed, tellinc how the sweet yung gurl had cum deer down on the Lenox Ave. line, A the fellow never calm, so tne sweet gurl sed Take back ynre ring of onyx, 1 will go back to tbe BroDjx! Then, sed Pa, after all the mualck publishers passed up my peece. It waa atola by Mlas Victoria, wlch called It ' Thare waa I, Waiting at the Church, Jit waa ever thua-wlth me, aed Fa, ever I since childhood's happy days at the j Business college. Pa sed. I never ' stooped to pick up a watermelon, aed Pa, but what the farmer calm & made me fade away. After all, sed Pa, what la lifer A moment here, then Hewen, perhaps. Perhaps, sed Ma, but I will make) you twenty (20) to one (1) to ahow, ' Ma sed. CLUB WOMEN. ... .All.ln. In th nmnmr T tnmA mm t I was uwi f vb.w teecber, that sum wtmmen wlcb la called club wlmmen baa bad a flte with eecb other about bow low thare dresses ihud be 4 bow many caba tbay bud have. My Va galv me sum good dope about club wlmmen, I sed to teecber, wlch I wud like to malk Into a eaaay. Bobble, my teecber sed, yoa mast not use slang like that word "dope" wlcft yur -Pa galv you, but the first urn yoa glt I . wud like you to rite me tbe essay of wick you speek of. Club wlinmen, Pa toald me, la aumthiof -almost new, aitbo tbare was sum club ' . wlmmen la tbe past. Tbe reesoo thay ar 1 . called club wlmmen, Pa sed? Is beekaus tbay V always have a club out for eech other, , . First they cum together at the club ' ts . shake bauds, tben thay lead with thare left & tben wttb tbare right, ft thus tbay go thru club life, Pa sed, Jabbing ft awlaglng, ' , Jabbing A swinging. i is Ma a club woman, I aaked Pa.' No,' Bobble, ted Ta, ynre Ma Is not a club woman. Yure Ma once toald me that sum i of her lady freuds bad spoak of forming a , club wlch was to be called tbe Varlooa Vee tnls or surnthing like that. Pa sed. We . are to be called Vestals, Ma toald him, , ' beekaus when our busbands tries to kick ; up tbare beels we will have our lampa trimmed ft burning. Tba skeem fell thru. Bobble, aed my Pa, moastly ou account of tbe kicks wlch, waa maile by yure old Dad ft tbe other bus. ? bands of tbe sed Vestals. Ynre mother was Informed, Pa toald me, that if the '. wlmmen started such a club aa the Various Vestals tbe busbands wud start a club 1 called tbe Chlckenhawks ft swoop down oa tbe old bens, Pa sed, when they waa bar ing thare first meeting. . , 4' Mister Uusevelt is in favor ot Wlmmena Clubs, sed Ma. Tea,-sed Pa, but that la..' beekaus tbay are grate for ' raising chll. dren, other peepul'a chlldern. Pa aed. Is fact, a sed. Mister Ruserelt la la favor ' of anything Jest bow wleb will glt peepql's .' minds off of other candidates, if tbe mea glt worried beekaus tbare wivea are at the club, the men will forglt about Fatty Taft '' ft his large round boom, sed Pa. In conolushua, aed Pa, do son of mine shall ever marry a club woman unless aba Is tbe tresburer of tbe club, sed Pa, la -wlcb case, be aed, tbe old nan might Ustea to reesoo. Too Easy. The Union Bank of St. Petersburg Jul Its own police service. One nlgbt tbe director was sleepless. He ' wondered whether tbe bank police were really tract" worthy. He concluded to make a trial He dlvoulsed himself and rushed, pistol In ' band. Into tbe bank rault -The pollca were good for nothing. They looked on quietly while tb director '' pocketed 2,000,000 rubles-and earried tbeui away. : Since tben no one baa sees tbe directur. Slmpllclsimns. in 1 ' 11 1 t ? Not QualifieA . THif Mn Intend to drown roemelfT'' 4 aaked the magistrate at Marylehooe Police " Court yesterday wien a cabdrlrer was re. mantled en a cbsrt-e of attempted sulrliJa .No. I eeanot jtwlm." retl!4 tbe Btaa. ;, I London Daily MiL VrK :;,Tbe Udy Cabby. ; '-';.y: Vran von rspo. Berlfrt- flmf WAmsa ilrlp ef a taIOilif cab, tonk I !H Ig f,, ' liuirwfrn the houri pf a t..,, a a f -- , . l "l - : ' " 1,11, 1 o'clock. Llojii t HfiL ,