niim
"eVfai. IWT.
ESSAYS OF'
LITTLE BOBBIE
The Way
Things Turn Out
By JAMES J. MONTAGUE.
The Hallroom Boys Visit a Rival Establishment.
XrpHUG GREEN wai raw
I 1 rawing freahie
With an arm like a twelve-by-twelve
beam
And a hand like a hod, to he got on
the squad
And presently played on the team.
HIS game waa a marvel of taqtia;
He played like a battering ram:
He would itrangle a half with a hid
eous laugh,
Though hia outward demeanor waa
ca'm.
THE girls were all crazy about
him
And when, in hia dashing career.
He would gouge out the eye of a
rush flying by
They would murmur in glee, "Ain't
he dear)"
OR when, at a critical moment.
He would plant down his bat
tleship feet 1
On the right tackle's head and leave
him for dead.
They would whisper: "Oh! isn't
he sweet?"
A ND every one called him a hero,
l And said: "By the style of
his play.
If he keeps out of jail he scarcely can
fail
To land in the White House some
day."
BUT up on a corner of Broadway
The Thug may be frequently
seen
Inside the third door on the twenty
eighth floor,
Where the sign is Chiropodist
Green.
.To-day 's Bjst Story.
A-VWIT IM North of England Tlcir
' Mil for some time been displeased
wljjj t!ja, quality. of the ml!k tented blm
Bp determined to remonstrate wltb bit
milkman fnr supplying such weak ftuff.
lie began .mildly:
tTt been wanting to see yon InregardJ
M to quality 01 rung jou ire serving me.
"In, tr," unqasllr answered tbe trades
man. "I only wanted to say," continued the
minister, "that I use the milk for dietary
purposes exclusively and. not for christ
ening. AN ARTISTIC SERVANT.
The girl had been but three weeks
in the employ of an artistic family;
but her time had been by no meant
wasted.' The mistress teas giving in
structions. "Don't forget the potatoes," enjoined
ie lady.
"No, ma'am." teas the reply. "Jfill
you have 'em in their jackets or in
the noodf" Penny Magazine.
A HANDY HABIT.
O'Brien 'Tis a guare thing about a
cousin o' mine. He has a great habit
o' walkin' in his sleep.
O'TooleYe don't tell met Can't
he bo cured of it. at allt
O'Brien Cured of itt Bhure, tis
the makin' of him; he's on the police
force. Illustrated Bits.
THE MOTOR FACE.
A few days ago a well-known person
age, teat motoring in Derbyshire, when
a policeman stopped him.
"You'll have to take off that mask,"
said the officer; "it's frightening every
one who sees it."
the unfortunate offender. The Tatler.
A KILLING FROST.
firs. OaddieOf course Mrs. Nuritch
thought when she brought her daughter
out she'd be Quito a society bud. but mo.
Piety took no notice of the poor girl at
all.
Mrs. Oloat Ah, nipped her hopes in
the bud, eht
HAD LEARNED BETTER.
Auntie notice your dolly doesn't cry
"Mamma" when the is squeezed now. She
did when I bought her for you.
Niece No, auntie; but you forget this
is her second season out! London
Opinion.
A FOREGONE CONCLUSJON.
"And then, mind you," exclaimed Miss
Passay, indignantly, "she asked me if
1 wouldn't marry the firs man that
came along."
"The idea!" exclaimed Miss Cutting.
"Don't these obviously unnecessary ques
tions make you tired t"
SOUR GRAPES.
"That fellow," said one woman, "is
constantly repeating the old joke about
the difficulty of finding a woman's
pocket."
"But, you know," the other explained,
smiting, "he married a rich wife."!
ticrops. !
! Bad Weather.
L "1 want todo wma Christmas shopping '
j to-day", dear," said a foud wife "that la, :
4 L AUIJ wcuiMCA a tniviftuis. ITW1( IB IQB
forecast!"
At the other end of the table her hus
band, 'consulting . hia. paper, read aloud:
"Rain,- hall, now. thunder, lightning and
floods,l,-LIpplncott's.
'""t f - "'
.1; ;- Poor Fellow. ' .
JTne Mother If bt proposes to-day, tell
him hm mnftt Bnftb tn m. If h ilium't
;, propose, tell hint 1 want to speak to film,-
MAll ROOn. THE BOSS WANTS TO)
awunu iu int LM tntNT
111 f N30Y
THAT. ILL CFT
the prices and
ME. TOO. 1 UDt-ObAL
rWDIE ILKttP
TABS ON
THtQ.T.
3
WILL mi KINDLY
HOW MUCH Nft
SHOW ME 50MtTHIN(,
IN Ymtfi VTL fit )R Awn
AHMWm WEAVES?
.buntlhiNtilNtHISUNt WOWD
CAAACtfL CLOTHS. ISTHlCv
nAnt nNlCt
QUAUTT?
B.G3 Ar
But
Rhymo
XMASTlME iS HER.e AGAIN,-
1 HAVE JUST BLOWN IN A TEN,
'AND BEFORE THE DAT i$ OER
VNILL BLOW IN TWENTY MORE
V
'J
THE YOUNGER GENERATION,
"Say, Katie, why don't you ever get your-
aelf up Ilka that?"
"AH ALONE! LET. ME" 'GAIrl NTOrvvTN TaROUND' ' THEM Z H
TEACH YOU Tr.E. MERRY) 1 EYES FAIR ONEf ) . I AROUND? I M . AROU NO l -
!S "
. t m. T r- ... , ' ' I 1 . v' ' . ' I .11 I
ROYS JO CXi
IW.wt RtLOOlNGA lllatl ft lAooll'JWlftiUltbV,
STOHES Awn
THESE FANCY
QRLS.HOW DOESYHIS
.80 -1 THlNKi
BROCADED SATIN SOUHE
STRmfc-IOUrUANCY?
WAIbl
56INCHE5 AND ONLY
, VL0UHCWN0J
rso A
YARD
slim II M 1 1 1 1 1 it
They Are Recognized by an Old Friend, and Their Mission Proves a
the Monk Does
.SISTER WANTi AN UMoeRE.Lt',
J A TEDDY SEAR FOR LfTTLE NELL"
JERRY WANTS A FERRY BOAT; -
rvTiULlfc WANTo A BILLY &OAT ;
"Hand over dat chewing gum In yer left
cheek, Maggie, if yer value yer life!"
It Happened
lYMINn WE OUCiMT T0CntT
HEH 6 OH 7 lAHDb Or" iHIb
PrIN SATIN LIHIPED VOllF .
HELLO PFRCl
ISN T IT DRESSY HZ 25-
REDUCED FH0MD5.7S WHAT
iHtot TUUNM
.WIIAI AbARC,AlN.
mbbCiRWi'NN
Some Christmas
(walking up and Running .down,
ITRAMRNG- ALL ABOUT THE TOWN,
IN AND OUT OF EV'RY STORE",
SHOPPING I5 AN AWFUL BORrZ .
"Boo-hoo! I dreamed I ate a whole
mince pie. an' when I woke up all I had
waa a pain In me stummlck!"
in Birdland.
mm
HCRt S H ALIflANS AND CRlHFVf b JACQUCS.YOU
MIQ1T IU OS OUT HIKE -Will Stt WHATKIh40
Or ADtin.iMJN utntvr.
ANnrrRMF . HflWC, rxfRtTHINr, mra i
as L -. m 9
WANACOOjtH 5 ? bAY BOTb.TOU OUGHT TO C0MEOVFH in
UU NUI UUUit Wl (Ajrv jiytL . wl vwni nAAVL kj
MORE PRlCEbTO jWOBrt NIQHT5 DURlNdmAb
liEn ;wtLriirM YOU DO EITHER.
ItttTrE.
Failure.
Shopping.
I fe.v M-V X.K.YU 6
Coprrlfht. 1907, b Amrte
Joumal Cumtan.
ONE THING- MORE ILL HAVE TO BliY.C
v it
Beefsteak to put on my vre ..
Copyright, 190T, bt AnMrlcao-Joumal-EnmloOT.
"Where did you get the hat?"
"Hat! Dla ain't no hat. Dis is a crea
tion." CopjTtght, 1907, bj American-Journal-Examiner.
PLAGIARISM.
ryrllEN I went to achoot ratrday
lAV my fchr a4 WtIL well.
Hobble, what do yott think, ona
(1) of th other boya haa been rltelnff
eiianya too. Algernon Biota, man of OUT
rdmaliel brewer. Nil teacher. Why,
toocher. I 1. can you beat ItT Let
mo ai-n the mux, I aed. A thla la the
runny hn ahowcx ino:
Thli ri.T a ahnut tier. It 1 what any
fithrr iimlk, it la brown at tbe bottoia
A wtt nl tho tup wtiara th foam K
U'k nn on th lr rn II la browa III
the Irln fnr In I ho rnl It hltM like a
I.W A iliisi like a wltur wrft,
alrfi'lr yt.
Now. HoMiio, acd my techr, I want
you to rll nie a easay about rlaarlar-v
lm, wlch merna teellnaT atuil frora
(rata poeta, authora, etc.
Grate Men Wich Stole Stuff.
i'laarlariam cuma from a old Roman
fworfl wlch meni Go aa far aa yo
Ilka, amona tha grota man wlch atola i
tuff la Mlatar Shakaapaer, Mia tar
Ird Byron. Mlater Ttelanko etc.
Mlater BrlRHlco la the only one (1) I
' nnlmed wlch Is atlll living- & ha leant
' aahamcd of anything- ha did. Doant
bn afraid to atoal stuff In the Utary
wurl'1. ha toald ma, aa the old poet
ad, Mlater Helaako toald me:
Everybody ateela but Father
A ha cant write.
When I went hoam ft asked P
about Algernon Plotx. wlch had been
(teellna; my easaya. Pa laffed. Doant
you care. Bobble, be aed. Remember,
Bobble, Pa aad, thla poor boy of wlch
you apeek of la only a brewer's eon.
dolna; the beat he can. why doant yoa
aend him a poem of protest, aed Pa,
like thla:
Un ma; booit Blots'a eaaaya aa much aa
thij will
But the nrtat nf tba later will ellnf to
the in atlll.
Newer mind. Bobble, eed Pa, keep
plugging- away ft unless you are run
nine; on a muddy track. Pa aed, yoa
will be the one (1) beat bet.
Pa Rote a Peece Once.
Speeklna; of steelln. aed Pa. I rot
a peece once for a sons;. It was called
The Weddln Bells was Ringing ft the
Bride was on the Job. thare waa lota
of butlful lines. Pa sed, tellinc how
the sweet yung gurl had cum deer
down on the Lenox Ave. line, A the
fellow never calm, so tne sweet gurl
sed
Take back ynre ring of onyx,
1 will go back to tbe BroDjx!
Then, sed Pa, after all the mualck
publishers passed up my peece. It waa
atola by Mlas Victoria, wlch called It
' Thare waa I, Waiting at the Church,
Jit waa ever thua-wlth me, aed Fa, ever
I since childhood's happy days at the
j Business college. Pa sed. I never
' stooped to pick up a watermelon, aed
Pa, but what the farmer calm & made
me fade away.
After all, sed Pa, what la lifer A
moment here, then Hewen, perhaps.
Perhaps, sed Ma, but I will make)
you twenty (20) to one (1) to ahow, '
Ma sed.
CLUB WOMEN.
... .All.ln. In th nmnmr T tnmA mm t
I was uwi f vb.w
teecber, that sum wtmmen wlcb la
called club wlmmen baa bad a flte
with eecb other about bow low thare
dresses ihud be 4 bow many caba tbay
bud have. My Va galv me sum good dope
about club wlmmen, I sed to teecber, wlch
I wud like to malk Into a eaaay.
Bobble, my teecber sed, yoa mast not
use slang like that word "dope" wlcft yur -Pa
galv you, but the first urn yoa glt I .
wud like you to rite me tbe essay of wick
you speek of.
Club wlinmen, Pa toald me, la aumthiof -almost
new, aitbo tbare was sum club ' .
wlmmen la tbe past. Tbe reesoo thay ar 1 .
called club wlmmen, Pa sed? Is beekaus tbay V
always have a club out for eech other, , .
First they cum together at the club ' ts .
shake bauds, tben thay lead with thare left
& tben wttb tbare right, ft thus tbay go
thru club life, Pa sed, Jabbing ft awlaglng, ' ,
Jabbing A swinging. i
is Ma a club woman, I aaked Pa.' No,'
Bobble, ted Ta, ynre Ma Is not a club
woman. Yure Ma once toald me that sum i
of her lady freuds bad spoak of forming a ,
club wlch was to be called tbe Varlooa Vee
tnls or surnthing like that. Pa sed. We .
are to be called Vestals, Ma toald him, , '
beekaus when our busbands tries to kick ;
up tbare beels we will have our lampa
trimmed ft burning.
Tba skeem fell thru. Bobble, aed my Pa,
moastly ou account of tbe kicks wlch, waa
maile by yure old Dad ft tbe other bus. ?
bands of tbe sed Vestals. Ynre mother
was Informed, Pa toald me, that if the '.
wlmmen started such a club aa the Various
Vestals tbe busbands wud start a club 1
called tbe Chlckenhawks ft swoop down oa
tbe old bens, Pa sed, when they waa bar
ing thare first meeting. . , 4'
Mister Uusevelt is in favor ot Wlmmena
Clubs, sed Ma. Tea,-sed Pa, but that la..'
beekaus tbay are grate for ' raising chll.
dren, other peepul'a chlldern. Pa aed. Is
fact, a sed. Mister Ruserelt la la favor '
of anything Jest bow wleb will glt peepql's .'
minds off of other candidates, if tbe mea
glt worried beekaus tbare wivea are at the
club, the men will forglt about Fatty Taft ''
ft his large round boom, sed Pa.
In conolushua, aed Pa, do son of mine
shall ever marry a club woman unless aba
Is tbe tresburer of tbe club, sed Pa, la -wlcb
case, be aed, tbe old nan might Ustea
to reesoo.
Too Easy.
The Union Bank of St. Petersburg Jul
Its own police service. One nlgbt tbe
director was sleepless. He ' wondered
whether tbe bank police were really tract"
worthy. He concluded to make a trial
He dlvoulsed himself and rushed, pistol In '
band. Into tbe bank rault -The pollca
were good for nothing. They looked on
quietly while tb director '' pocketed
2,000,000 rubles-and earried tbeui away. :
Since tben no one baa sees tbe directur.
Slmpllclsimns.
in 1 ' 11 1 t ?
Not QualifieA .
THif Mn Intend to drown roemelfT'' 4
aaked the magistrate at Marylehooe Police "
Court yesterday wien a cabdrlrer was re.
mantled en a cbsrt-e of attempted sulrliJa
.No. I eeanot jtwlm." retl!4 tbe Btaa. ;,
I London Daily MiL
VrK :;,Tbe Udy Cabby. ; '-';.y:
Vran von rspo. Berlfrt- flmf WAmsa
ilrlp ef a taIOilif cab, tonk I !H Ig f,, '
liuirwfrn the houri pf a t..,, a a f
-- , . l "l - : ' " 1,11, 1
o'clock. Llojii t HfiL ,