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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 18, 1908)
mtpnjmmir lnti'iHIim rrnim.lin' 1 H Tii'iT 1 f.i.ii..... .ii.ni Mi ihb.m.mw Mitmmrmxtm i wiiiiihH iWKWK'WW" !. ' - THE MORNING AS TOR I AN, ASTORIA, OREGON. FRIDAY, SEPT. 18 BOWSERWRITES LIFE Begins His Autobiography, and Good Wife Finishes It ANGER GETS BETTER OF HIM, Attacks Tramp Who 8sks Money For a Night's Lodging and 8uppr. Hsro U Nearly Assassinated at : Rtsult t , Copyright. 1908, by T.- C MeClurO ' Mr. Bowser had been sitting and smoking and gazing into vacancy for ten minutes when he suddenly arose, hurried to the library and returned after a couple of minutes with pencil and paper and seated himself at the reading table. "What are you going to dor queried Mrs. Bowser as she looked np. lie started in and wrote seventeen words without seeming to be aware of her earthly existence. t "Is it the draft of some Important paper you are working at?" she con tinned. ' "Bather important, madam," he slowly replied as he leaned back in his a tiimruh voa attackid him asd ds- - r SATED BIS OBJECT. chair and fixed his eyes on the celling. "That Is, it's so important that the editor of a Sunday paper has offered me $50 for it when completed." , V "But what can It be a story?" . "Some people might call it that, but ft will be headed The Autobiography of Samuel Bowser,' and it will be ac companied by a life size portrait of the undersigned." "How queer!" whispered Mrs. Bow ser. "I don't see anything queer about it In fact, I've wondered that some en terprlslng Journal didn't ask for it long ago. They have simply overlooked a good thing." . "But whet can have happened in your life to Interest any one?" . "What! What! A hundred' things. A thousand things. Keep quiet for a few minutes and I will show you how It starts off." Ten minutes later, with face as red as If he bed been sawing wood and his forehead damp with moisture, Mr. Bowser read as follows: "On the night of Mr. Bowser's birth a barn neap by was struck by light nlng, a horse fell into a pond and was drowned, tn? postofflce was robbed, and a carpenter named Jones was murder ed in his ted. It will thus be seen that our hero" Ring at Bell Interrupts. i -There was a ring at the front door, and as the girl was out Mr. Bowser answered the bell. The caller was looking for family named Green and was directed to the other end of the block and told to Inquire for Brown if he couldn't find Green. "That our hero did what?" asked Mrs. Bowse as the historian returned and resumed his seat "That Is as far as I shall write this evening, as I wish to go slow and turn out a finished article. I have the re mainder in my head, however. I shall go on and say that one could have safely predicted a life full of stirring adventures from these early incidents.' The Bubject of our sketch was hardly three months old when be was left alone in his cradle one day. The doors of the house were open, and while the child slept and smiled" Ting-a-llng went the bell, and Mr. Bowser answered it to find a woman on the steps who wanted to know if his name was Johnson and if he had thrown a beer keg at her boy. Robert that day. It took him five minutes to get rid of her, and as he came scuffling back Mrs. Bowser asked: "Did a boar come In and devour the baby, or did the cook strike for higher wages? I hope no tragedy happened." "As I was the baby and as I am still living I wasn't devoured," he an swered. I shall finish that paragraph by stating that a gypsy entered the house to steal me and he was already carrying me off in his arms when a faithful dog attacked him and defeat ed his object" t "What was the color of the dog?" ', "What difference does that make?" "I wouldn't ring in a brlndle dog if I were you," Mr. Bowser sat glaring at her and swallowing the lump in his throat when the bell tinkled again. It was a Btranger, and he asked if Mr. Bowser had dogs for sale. If so be wanted a pug with a twist in his tall, provid ed the price was not beyond his means. The reply was so full of exclamation joints end plain English words that the dog hunter held his breath until ha NCS if1 n-vjis. , "i , turn lot out of the gate and around the corner. "Then tho bold, bad gypsy didn't succeed la carrying you off?" queried Mrs, Bowser. ' "If he had would I be hero now? By thunder, If that bell rings again some boly '11 ret hurt!" "Tes, but go on. Don't you see how excited I imr "Well, at the age of one year this wonderful child could walk, talk and sing and was the wonder of the neigh borhood. . lie was hardly a year and n half old when he and his sister were attacked by a large blacksnake a? they were ptaying In the yard one day. The sister screamed In terror, but the young hero" The bell interrupted again, and Mr. Bowser went to the door and found a second womanthat la, It was the first woman with a different look on hei face. She had returned to ask If Lis name wasn't Schermerhorn and If he wasn't the party who got her husband drunk two nights before and then rob bed him of a Waterbury watch. Mr. Bowser yelled at her once, twice, thrice, and she escaped. When he had shut the door Mrs. Bowser was ready to say: "Please hurry up. I am dying taheai what the young hero did, but don't tell me that he failed to save his sister." "No; he did not fall. He grabbed up a hatchet and brained the serpent. and, by the beard of Captain KIdd, II any one else gets me to that door to night I'll brain him!" "Does a serpent have brains?" Starts Working Again. "Certainly. Every living thing but women have them. Now keep quiet for a minute and let me go on. I shall say that at the age of two years young Bowser heard his father talking ol horse thieves of a gang that was sup posed to be lurking In a pleco of woods near by. The child said nothing to hi parent, but made up his uilud to visit the woods and capture the gang single Handed. One may smile at the Idea but let us wait for results. It must tx remembered that this child was narnoi' Bowser. No sooner had night de scended than the heroic youngster, iu wnose veins flowed the blood of a Bayard, armed himself with the famllv butcher knife and a clothesline and set out for the lair of the villains. It was a dark, rainy night and the dis tance three miles and the road a lonely one, but the undaunted lad kept on, and finally" Once more the doorbell! Mr. Bowse! gritted his teeth as he rose up to trot down the ball. "Don't-don't hurt anybody!" plead ed Mrs. Bowser. "But I will! I'll annihilate whoevej find there and toss his dead body over the fence!" Mrs. Bowser heard the door ODen and a voice ask for 10 cents for night's lodging. She heard Mr. Bow ser exclaim in reply. Then came the sounds of two desperate men breath ing hard and ripping each other's coat up the back. She arose trem bling in every limb. Mr. Bowser had threatened to wash his hands In the blood of the next caller, and he wa; doing it. Just as she started down the hall there were a fall and a gruut the bang of the door arid a clattei down the steps, and then she saw the author-hero lying prone on the floor She lifted his head and found that hi neck was not broken. She straighten ed out his legs and found the knee hinges all right. Then she went back to the table and took up the pencil and wrote: "Owing to the fact that Mr. Bowser has been struck on the jaw at his own door by a would be assassin and if still wondering where he Is at as this paper goes to press, we must cut this thrilling autobiography short and fill up the space Intended for It with Reu ben's hair dye, put up in 25, 50 and 75 cent bottles none genuine without the odor of stale epgs. Buy at once, and take no other." M. QUAD. Brave Man. . "Come," said the strong minded wo man. "I'm sure there's burglars down stairs. We will go down and scare them away." 'Well, Maria," stammered her bus band, "you g-g-go first; they wouldn't hit a woman." "Waiter, one of these oysters) is bad.' "Well, sir, you'll see I've given yer two extra." Tatler. Housecleaning Strategy. "Was that a porch climber we saw over at Ganiper's?" - ".No; it was Gamner himself. He was afraid to go In at the front or back door for fear his wife or the cook would set him to beating carpet" Chi cago Record. Measurement. "Does Bllggins enjoy life?' , ' . "Not exactly. He's the sort of man who measures the good time be had yesterday by the size of his headache this morning." Washington Star. : A Makeweight CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS HELP WANTED WANTED BOY OUT OF SCHOOL to deliver papers . and packages Apply Whitman's Book Store. Ml-tf BOYS WANTED TO CARRY FA pcrs. Apply Circulation Depart ment, Astorian Office. 9-17-tf WANTED 2 YOUNG ., LADIES as waiters in restaurant; must have experience. UiU at i Bond street. 9-17-3t MESSENGER BOYS WITH Bi cycles wanted at the Western Union, 8-22-tf HOUSES FOR SALE. HOW IS THIS FOR A SNAP? A nice, cozy home; $1600; $800 cash, balance on easy terms. A. R. John son, 120 Twelfth. 9-9-tf A BUSINESS INVESTMENT-A 23-room rooming house; centrally located; well furnished; this rooming house is making from $60 to $110 clear each month. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth street. 9-9-tf ROOMS FOR RENT. FURNISHED HOUSEKEEPING and single rooms. 677 Exchange. 9-15-61 LOTS FOR SALE. A LOT 50x100 SUITABLE FOR flats or an apartment house; $3000. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth St 9-9-tf COUNTRY PROPERTY FOR SALE. 20-ACRE TRACT SITUATED ON the pipe line road; $325. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth street 9-9-tf WANTED-TO RENT. WANTED TO RENTA STOCK or dairy farm for cash or shares. Address Lewis & Clark, R. F. D. Box 80. 9-4-lm FOR SALE: MISCELLANEOUS. FOR SALE-12 DAIRY COWS. In quire at Glenwood Station, or post office address Warrenton, Herbert & Poole. 9-17-tf FOR SALE CHEAP, ONE SCHOL- arship in the International Cor res pondence School of Scranton. En quire Astorian office. 8-7-tf WANTED MISCELLANEOUS. WANTED-TO BUY A HORSE; weight about 1250 pounds; not over 8 years old; must be good driver and gentle, also city broke. Address As torian office. 6-9-tf. WANTED -WE PAY HIGHEST cash price for second-hand and new furniture; see us before you sell. Zapf Furniture & Hdw. Co. 9-5-26t MASSAGE. OLGA KANTONEN, FINNISH masseuse and steam baths, room 6, Pythian Bldg., Commercial St., As torian, Ore. PROPOSALS. PROPOSALS FOR BEEF AND MUTTON Vancouver Barracks, Wash., September 16, 1908. Sealed proposals for furnishing and deliver ing fresh beef and mutton for six months beginning Jan. 1, 1909, will be received here and at offices of com missaries at Fort Stevens, Ore., Boise Barracks, Idaho, Forts Casey, Colum bia, Flagler, Lawton, Vancouver, Walla Walla, Ward, Worden and Wright, Wash., until 10 a. m. October 16, 1908, and 'then opened. Envelopes containing proposals should be in dorsed, "Proposals for fresh beef and mutton to be opened October 16, 1908," and addressed to comissary of post to be supplied, or to Lieutenant Colonel George B. Davis, Chief Com missary. BIDS REQUESTED FOR TWEN ty million gallon reservoir. Sealed proposals for furnishing materials, and constructing a twenty million gallon reservoir, in whole, and in sec tions, will be received until 12 o'clock noon Friday, October 2, 1908, at office of the Water Commission, City Hall, Astoria Oregon. Plans and specifications may be seen, and blank forms of proposals obtained at said office. Certified check in the sum of not less than 10 per , cent of he amount bid on e"ach contract . must accompany bids. Right to reject any and all bids is reserved. City Water HOUSE MOVERS. FREDR1CKSON BROS.-We make a specialty of house moving, car penters, contractors, general Jobbing; prompt attention to all orders. Cor ner Tenth and Duane streets. MISCELLANEOUS. MAGAZINE BINDING OF ALL kinds done at the Astorian Office LOOSE LEAF LEDGERS ALL kinds made by The J. S. Dellinger Company. PROFESSIONAL CARDS. ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW CHARLES H. ABERCROMBIE Attorney-at-Law City Attorney Offices: City Hall JOHN C. McCUE, Attorney-at-Law Page Building, Suite 4 HOWARD M. BROWNELL Attorney-at-Law Deputy District Attorney 420 Commercial Street OSTEOPATHS. DR. RHODA C. HICKS Osteopath Office Mansell Bldg. Phone Black 2065 573 Commercial St. Astoria, Ore. DENTISTS DR. VAUGHAN Dentist Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon DR. W. C LOGAN Dentist Commercial St Shanahan Bldg. BUSINESS DIRECTORY. RESTAURANTS. TOKIO RESTAURANT, 331 Bond Street Oi-posite Ross, Higgins & Co. Cof ee with Pie or Cake 10 Cta. FIRST-CLASS MEALS Regular Meala 15 Cta. and Up. U. 8. RESTAURANT. 434 Bond Street Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cta. First-Class Meala, IS Cta. MISCELLANEOUS. Smith's Special Delivery EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE Leave Orders at Star Cigar Store, Phono Black 2383 . Res, Phone Red 2276. Stand Corner 11th anX Commercial WINES AND LIQUORS. Eagle Concert Hall (320 Astor Street) Rooms for rent by the day, week, or month. Bes rates in town. 1 P. A. PETERSON, Prop. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE. J.T. NOWLEN Real' Estate and Employment Office 473 Commercial St, Phone Have fine list of Astoria and coun try property furnished. All classes of labor MISCELLANEOUS. Plate Racks, Wall Pockets, Music Racks, Clock Shelves Just in See us Hildebrani & Gor? Old Bee Hive Bldg. ' HOT 01T GOLD olden West Tea JustJRight CLOSSET & DEVERS, TAmT.Av .jww- OlfDISTArm. J. A, O I LI) AUG II CO., Undertakers and r.iiihiilniers. Experienced Lad Assistant When Desired, Calls Promptly Attended Day or Night, Ttttton Bdjr. 12tkftiid Duane St ASTORIA. OREGON Phone Mala St 11 MCDICAL. UoprcIaaU4 SuooMtaa'e! DR. t GEE I'll TBI CSIAT CHIKIS1 DOCT01 Who la kaova throughout the United ;4 (Kates oa aeoouat of VI. a "wii "una No poUons or drwe usee. He nim ta to our catarrh, asthma, luna aid throat trouble, rheumatism, iiarvouaaeee, etomaoh, Urn and kwaey, female com pwnu and all ehronlo dilates. SUCCESSFUL H0MS TRXATKIRT If you cannot call write for symptom omdk sua circular, inclosing 4 osata r etampa. TBS C. CIS WO MEDIO! CO. 112) First St, Corner Morrison, PORTLAND, OSICOH. Fbaae me&Uoa the- Astoria. PLUMBERS. sasss J. HI PLUMBER Beating Contractor, Tinner AND Sheet Iron Worker LL WORK GUA RANT EEC 423 Bond Street Younce & Baker PLUMBERS TINNERS Steam and Gas Fitting All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth Street, opp. Post Office. Phone Main 4061. DENTISTS. We Kill the Torturing Demon whose painful and agonizing pangs make life intolerable for the sufferer. It is but a matter of a moment to si lence the imp that causes the pain in the nerve. We practice painless ex traction and do it carefully. Also the cleaning and filling of teeth when we deem them worthy of saving. Our Our Crown and Bridge work demon strates our professional skill. En trust your teeth to us, and you will never have cause to complain, either of the work or the charges. CHICAGO DENTISTS, Cor 11. U and Commercial Sts. Over Danziger's Store. CONCRETE WORK DONE ANY PERSON WANTING ANY CONCRETE WORK DONE AT THE CEMETARIES, WILL PLEASE LEAVE ORDERS AT POHL'S UNDERTAKING OF. FICE. E.NYAAN BV TRANSPORTATION. TheMKMUn PASSENGERS t ; FREIGHT Steamer Lurline - Night Boat for Portland and Way Landings. Leaves Aitorla dally eicept Sunday t 7 p. m.. Leaves Portland Da3y Except Sunday t 7 a. m. Quick Service Excellent Meala Qood Bertha Landing Astoria Flavsl Wharf Landing Portland Foot Taylor St, J. J. DAY. Agent ; Phone Main 278 Astoria and (Portland ROUND TRIP DAILY (Except Thursday) Sir. fc. B. Spencer FARE $1X0 EACH WAY For Portland and Way Landings. Leaves Callender dock, Astoria 2:30 p. m.; arrive Portland 9:45 p. m. Leaves Washington St. dock, Port land 7 a. m.; arrives Astoria 1 p. m. SUNDAY EXCURSION FARE $1X0 ROUND TRIP Leave Washington St. dock, Port land, 8 a. m.: arrives Astoria 1 o. m. Leavea Callender dock, Astoria 2 p. m. arrives Portland 9 p. m. Connecting at Astoria for all Seaside Resorts. Renowned for Speed, Comfort and Courteous Treatment. CAPT. E. W. SPENCER, General Manager. Portland Astoria Office, Callender Dock. MISCELLANEOUS. M In carrv the best Lorfrfnr' shoes in town at the low est prices. - - '- - rri- i-iiiiinn ft c i ' j My stock of men's and boy's shoes is unsurpassed for qua- ity. Close buying and low expenses enable me to sell the best qualities at lowest prices. S. A. GIMRE 543 Bond Street LAUNDRIES. WE WASH Everything but the Baby and return everything but the dirt. TROY LAUNDRY , Tenth and Duane Phone Main 1991 Shoemaker Get yourSHOE REPAIRING dona at E G. GUNALL'S. All work guar anteedPricee right 7 V Commission, by G. W, Lounsberry, Astoi ia, Ore. 8TH AND COMMER-