mtpnjmmir lnti'iHIim rrnim.lin' 1 H Tii'iT 1 f.i.ii..... .ii.ni Mi ihb.m.mw Mitmmrmxtm i wiiiiihH iWKWK'WW" !. ' -
THE MORNING AS TOR I AN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
FRIDAY, SEPT. 18
BOWSERWRITES LIFE
Begins His Autobiography, and
Good Wife Finishes It
ANGER GETS BETTER OF HIM,
Attacks Tramp Who 8sks Money
For a Night's Lodging and 8uppr.
Hsro U Nearly Assassinated at
: Rtsult
t , Copyright. 1908, by T.- C MeClurO
' Mr. Bowser had been sitting and
smoking and gazing into vacancy for
ten minutes when he suddenly arose,
hurried to the library and returned
after a couple of minutes with pencil
and paper and seated himself at the
reading table.
"What are you going to dor queried
Mrs. Bowser as she looked np.
lie started in and wrote seventeen
words without seeming to be aware of
her earthly existence. t
"Is it the draft of some Important
paper you are working at?" she con
tinned.
' "Bather important, madam," he
slowly replied as he leaned back in his
a tiimruh voa attackid him asd ds-
- r SATED BIS OBJECT.
chair and fixed his eyes on the celling.
"That Is, it's so important that the
editor of a Sunday paper has offered
me $50 for it when completed." ,
V "But what can It be a story?"
. "Some people might call it that, but
ft will be headed The Autobiography
of Samuel Bowser,' and it will be ac
companied by a life size portrait of
the undersigned."
"How queer!" whispered Mrs. Bow
ser.
"I don't see anything queer about it
In fact, I've wondered that some en
terprlslng Journal didn't ask for it long
ago. They have simply overlooked a
good thing." .
"But whet can have happened in
your life to Interest any one?" .
"What! What! A hundred' things.
A thousand things. Keep quiet for a
few minutes and I will show you how
It starts off."
Ten minutes later, with face as red
as If he bed been sawing wood and
his forehead damp with moisture, Mr.
Bowser read as follows:
"On the night of Mr. Bowser's birth
a barn neap by was struck by light
nlng, a horse fell into a pond and was
drowned, tn? postofflce was robbed, and
a carpenter named Jones was murder
ed in his ted. It will thus be seen
that our hero"
Ring at Bell Interrupts.
i -There was a ring at the front door,
and as the girl was out Mr. Bowser
answered the bell. The caller was
looking for family named Green and
was directed to the other end of the
block and told to Inquire for Brown if
he couldn't find Green.
"That our hero did what?" asked
Mrs. Bowse as the historian returned
and resumed his seat
"That Is as far as I shall write this
evening, as I wish to go slow and turn
out a finished article. I have the re
mainder in my head, however. I shall
go on and say that one could have
safely predicted a life full of stirring
adventures from these early incidents.'
The Bubject of our sketch was hardly
three months old when be was left
alone in his cradle one day. The doors
of the house were open, and while the
child slept and smiled"
Ting-a-llng went the bell, and Mr.
Bowser answered it to find a woman
on the steps who wanted to know if
his name was Johnson and if he had
thrown a beer keg at her boy. Robert
that day. It took him five minutes to
get rid of her, and as he came scuffling
back Mrs. Bowser asked:
"Did a boar come In and devour the
baby, or did the cook strike for higher
wages? I hope no tragedy happened."
"As I was the baby and as I am
still living I wasn't devoured," he an
swered. I shall finish that paragraph
by stating that a gypsy entered the
house to steal me and he was already
carrying me off in his arms when a
faithful dog attacked him and defeat
ed his object"
t "What was the color of the dog?"
', "What difference does that make?"
"I wouldn't ring in a brlndle dog if
I were you,"
Mr. Bowser sat glaring at her and
swallowing the lump in his throat
when the bell tinkled again. It was a
Btranger, and he asked if Mr. Bowser
had dogs for sale. If so be wanted
a pug with a twist in his tall, provid
ed the price was not beyond his means.
The reply was so full of exclamation
joints end plain English words that
the dog hunter held his breath until ha
NCS if1
n-vjis. , "i , turn
lot out of the gate and around the
corner.
"Then tho bold, bad gypsy didn't
succeed la carrying you off?" queried
Mrs, Bowser. '
"If he had would I be hero now? By
thunder, If that bell rings again some
boly '11 ret hurt!"
"Tes, but go on. Don't you see how
excited I imr
"Well, at the age of one year this
wonderful child could walk, talk and
sing and was the wonder of the neigh
borhood. . lie was hardly a year and n
half old when he and his sister were
attacked by a large blacksnake a?
they were ptaying In the yard one day.
The sister screamed In terror, but the
young hero"
The bell interrupted again, and Mr.
Bowser went to the door and found a
second womanthat la, It was the first
woman with a different look on hei
face. She had returned to ask If Lis
name wasn't Schermerhorn and If he
wasn't the party who got her husband
drunk two nights before and then rob
bed him of a Waterbury watch. Mr.
Bowser yelled at her once, twice,
thrice, and she escaped. When he had
shut the door Mrs. Bowser was ready
to say:
"Please hurry up. I am dying taheai
what the young hero did, but don't tell
me that he failed to save his sister."
"No; he did not fall. He grabbed
up a hatchet and brained the serpent.
and, by the beard of Captain KIdd, II
any one else gets me to that door to
night I'll brain him!"
"Does a serpent have brains?"
Starts Working Again.
"Certainly. Every living thing but
women have them. Now keep quiet
for a minute and let me go on. I shall
say that at the age of two years young
Bowser heard his father talking ol
horse thieves of a gang that was sup
posed to be lurking In a pleco of woods
near by. The child said nothing to hi
parent, but made up his uilud to visit
the woods and capture the gang single
Handed. One may smile at the Idea
but let us wait for results. It must tx
remembered that this child was narnoi'
Bowser. No sooner had night de
scended than the heroic youngster, iu
wnose veins flowed the blood of a
Bayard, armed himself with the famllv
butcher knife and a clothesline and
set out for the lair of the villains. It
was a dark, rainy night and the dis
tance three miles and the road a lonely
one, but the undaunted lad kept on,
and finally"
Once more the doorbell! Mr. Bowse!
gritted his teeth as he rose up to trot
down the ball.
"Don't-don't hurt anybody!" plead
ed Mrs. Bowser.
"But I will! I'll annihilate whoevej
find there and toss his dead body
over the fence!"
Mrs. Bowser heard the door ODen
and a voice ask for 10 cents for
night's lodging. She heard Mr. Bow
ser exclaim in reply. Then came the
sounds of two desperate men breath
ing hard and ripping each other's
coat up the back. She arose trem
bling in every limb. Mr. Bowser had
threatened to wash his hands In the
blood of the next caller, and he wa;
doing it. Just as she started down
the hall there were a fall and a gruut
the bang of the door arid a clattei
down the steps, and then she saw the
author-hero lying prone on the floor
She lifted his head and found that hi
neck was not broken. She straighten
ed out his legs and found the knee
hinges all right. Then she went back
to the table and took up the pencil
and wrote:
"Owing to the fact that Mr. Bowser
has been struck on the jaw at his own
door by a would be assassin and if
still wondering where he Is at as this
paper goes to press, we must cut this
thrilling autobiography short and fill
up the space Intended for It with Reu
ben's hair dye, put up in 25, 50 and 75
cent bottles none genuine without
the odor of stale epgs. Buy at once,
and take no other." M. QUAD.
Brave Man.
. "Come," said the strong minded wo
man. "I'm sure there's burglars down
stairs. We will go down and scare
them away."
'Well, Maria," stammered her bus
band, "you g-g-go first; they wouldn't
hit a woman."
"Waiter, one of these oysters) is bad.'
"Well, sir, you'll see I've given yer
two extra." Tatler.
Housecleaning Strategy.
"Was that a porch climber we saw
over at Ganiper's?" -
".No; it was Gamner himself. He was
afraid to go In at the front or back
door for fear his wife or the cook
would set him to beating carpet" Chi
cago Record.
Measurement.
"Does Bllggins enjoy life?' , ' .
"Not exactly. He's the sort of man
who measures the good time be had
yesterday by the size of his headache
this morning." Washington Star. :
A Makeweight
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
HELP WANTED
WANTED BOY OUT OF SCHOOL
to deliver papers . and packages
Apply Whitman's Book Store. Ml-tf
BOYS WANTED TO CARRY FA
pcrs. Apply Circulation Depart
ment, Astorian Office. 9-17-tf
WANTED 2 YOUNG ., LADIES
as waiters in restaurant; must have
experience. UiU at i Bond street.
9-17-3t
MESSENGER BOYS WITH Bi
cycles wanted at the Western
Union, 8-22-tf
HOUSES FOR SALE.
HOW IS THIS FOR A SNAP? A
nice, cozy home; $1600; $800 cash,
balance on easy terms. A. R. John
son, 120 Twelfth. 9-9-tf
A BUSINESS INVESTMENT-A
23-room rooming house; centrally
located; well furnished; this rooming
house is making from $60 to $110
clear each month. A. R. Johnson, 120
Twelfth street. 9-9-tf
ROOMS FOR RENT.
FURNISHED HOUSEKEEPING
and single rooms. 677 Exchange.
9-15-61
LOTS FOR SALE.
A LOT 50x100 SUITABLE FOR
flats or an apartment house; $3000.
A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth St 9-9-tf
COUNTRY PROPERTY
FOR SALE.
20-ACRE TRACT SITUATED ON
the pipe line road; $325. A. R.
Johnson, 120 Twelfth street 9-9-tf
WANTED-TO RENT.
WANTED TO RENTA STOCK
or dairy farm for cash or shares.
Address Lewis & Clark, R. F. D.
Box 80. 9-4-lm
FOR SALE: MISCELLANEOUS.
FOR SALE-12 DAIRY COWS. In
quire at Glenwood Station, or post
office address Warrenton, Herbert
& Poole. 9-17-tf
FOR SALE CHEAP, ONE SCHOL-
arship in the International Cor res
pondence School of Scranton. En
quire Astorian office. 8-7-tf
WANTED MISCELLANEOUS.
WANTED-TO BUY A HORSE;
weight about 1250 pounds; not over
8 years old; must be good driver and
gentle, also city broke. Address As
torian office. 6-9-tf.
WANTED -WE PAY HIGHEST
cash price for second-hand and new
furniture; see us before you sell.
Zapf Furniture & Hdw. Co. 9-5-26t
MASSAGE.
OLGA KANTONEN, FINNISH
masseuse and steam baths, room 6,
Pythian Bldg., Commercial St., As
torian, Ore.
PROPOSALS.
PROPOSALS FOR BEEF AND
MUTTON Vancouver Barracks,
Wash., September 16, 1908. Sealed
proposals for furnishing and deliver
ing fresh beef and mutton for six
months beginning Jan. 1, 1909, will
be received here and at offices of com
missaries at Fort Stevens, Ore., Boise
Barracks, Idaho, Forts Casey, Colum
bia, Flagler, Lawton, Vancouver,
Walla Walla, Ward, Worden and
Wright, Wash., until 10 a. m. October
16, 1908, and 'then opened. Envelopes
containing proposals should be in
dorsed, "Proposals for fresh beef and
mutton to be opened October 16,
1908," and addressed to comissary of
post to be supplied, or to Lieutenant
Colonel George B. Davis, Chief Com
missary. BIDS REQUESTED FOR TWEN
ty million gallon reservoir. Sealed
proposals for furnishing materials,
and constructing a twenty million
gallon reservoir, in whole, and in sec
tions, will be received until 12
o'clock noon Friday, October 2, 1908,
at office of the Water Commission,
City Hall, Astoria Oregon. Plans and
specifications may be seen, and blank
forms of proposals obtained at said
office. Certified check in the sum of
not less than 10 per , cent of he
amount bid on e"ach contract . must
accompany bids. Right to reject any
and all bids is reserved. City Water
HOUSE MOVERS.
FREDR1CKSON BROS.-We make
a specialty of house moving, car
penters, contractors, general Jobbing;
prompt attention to all orders. Cor
ner Tenth and Duane streets.
MISCELLANEOUS.
MAGAZINE BINDING OF ALL
kinds done at the Astorian Office
LOOSE LEAF LEDGERS ALL
kinds made by The J. S. Dellinger
Company.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW
CHARLES H. ABERCROMBIE
Attorney-at-Law
City Attorney Offices: City Hall
JOHN C. McCUE,
Attorney-at-Law
Page Building, Suite 4
HOWARD M. BROWNELL
Attorney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney
420 Commercial Street
OSTEOPATHS.
DR. RHODA C. HICKS
Osteopath
Office Mansell Bldg. Phone Black 2065
573 Commercial St. Astoria, Ore.
DENTISTS
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
DR. W. C LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St Shanahan Bldg.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
RESTAURANTS.
TOKIO RESTAURANT,
331 Bond Street
Oi-posite Ross, Higgins & Co.
Cof ee with Pie or Cake 10 Cta.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meala 15 Cta. and Up.
U. 8. RESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cta.
First-Class Meala, IS Cta.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Smith's Special
Delivery
EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE
Leave Orders at Star Cigar Store,
Phono Black 2383 .
Res, Phone Red 2276.
Stand Corner 11th anX Commercial
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Astor Street)
Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
month. Bes rates in town.
1 P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
EMPLOYMENT OFFICE.
J.T. NOWLEN
Real' Estate and Employment Office
473 Commercial St, Phone
Have fine list of Astoria and coun
try property
furnished. All classes of labor
MISCELLANEOUS.
Plate Racks, Wall Pockets,
Music Racks, Clock Shelves
Just in See us
Hildebrani & Gor?
Old Bee Hive Bldg. '
HOT 01T GOLD
olden West
Tea
JustJRight
CLOSSET & DEVERS,
TAmT.Av .jww-
OlfDISTArm.
J. A, O I LI) AUG II CO.,
Undertakers and r.iiihiilniers.
Experienced Lad Assistant
When Desired,
Calls Promptly Attended Day
or Night,
Ttttton Bdjr. 12tkftiid Duane St
ASTORIA. OREGON
Phone Mala St 11
MCDICAL.
UoprcIaaU4
SuooMtaa'e!
DR. t GEE I'll
TBI CSIAT
CHIKIS1 DOCT01
Who la kaova
throughout the United
;4 (Kates oa aeoouat of
VI.
a "wii "una
No poUons or drwe usee. He nim
ta to our catarrh, asthma, luna aid
throat trouble, rheumatism, iiarvouaaeee,
etomaoh, Urn and kwaey, female com
pwnu and all ehronlo dilates.
SUCCESSFUL H0MS TRXATKIRT
If you cannot call write for symptom
omdk sua circular, inclosing 4 osata r
etampa.
TBS C. CIS WO MEDIO! CO.
112) First St, Corner Morrison,
PORTLAND, OSICOH.
Fbaae me&Uoa the- Astoria.
PLUMBERS.
sasss
J. HI
PLUMBER
Beating Contractor, Tinner
AND
Sheet Iron Worker
LL WORK GUA RANT EEC
423 Bond Street
Younce & Baker
PLUMBERS
TINNERS
Steam and Gas Fitting
All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth
Street, opp. Post Office. Phone Main
4061.
DENTISTS.
We Kill the
Torturing Demon
whose painful and agonizing pangs
make life intolerable for the sufferer.
It is but a matter of a moment to si
lence the imp that causes the pain in
the nerve. We practice painless ex
traction and do it carefully. Also the
cleaning and filling of teeth when we
deem them worthy of saving. Our
Our Crown and Bridge work demon
strates our professional skill. En
trust your teeth to us, and you will
never have cause to complain, either
of the work or the charges.
CHICAGO DENTISTS,
Cor 11. U and Commercial Sts.
Over Danziger's Store.
CONCRETE
WORK DONE
ANY PERSON WANTING ANY
CONCRETE WORK DONE AT
THE CEMETARIES, WILL
PLEASE LEAVE ORDERS AT
POHL'S UNDERTAKING OF.
FICE.
E.NYAAN
BV
TRANSPORTATION.
TheMKMUn
PASSENGERS t ; FREIGHT
Steamer Lurline
-
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Landings.
Leaves Aitorla dally eicept Sunday
t 7 p. m..
Leaves Portland Da3y Except Sunday
t 7 a. m.
Quick Service Excellent Meala
Qood Bertha
Landing Astoria Flavsl Wharf
Landing Portland Foot Taylor St,
J. J. DAY. Agent ;
Phone Main 278
Astoria and (Portland
ROUND TRIP DAILY
(Except Thursday)
Sir. fc. B. Spencer
FARE $1X0 EACH WAY
For Portland and Way Landings.
Leaves Callender dock, Astoria 2:30
p. m.; arrive Portland 9:45 p. m.
Leaves Washington St. dock, Port
land 7 a. m.; arrives Astoria 1 p. m.
SUNDAY EXCURSION
FARE $1X0 ROUND TRIP
Leave Washington St. dock, Port
land, 8 a. m.: arrives Astoria 1 o. m.
Leavea Callender dock, Astoria 2 p.
m. arrives Portland 9 p. m.
Connecting at Astoria for all
Seaside Resorts.
Renowned for Speed, Comfort and
Courteous Treatment.
CAPT. E. W. SPENCER,
General Manager. Portland
Astoria Office, Callender Dock.
MISCELLANEOUS.
M
In
carrv the best Lorfrfnr'
shoes in town at the low
est prices.
- - '- - rri- i-iiiiinn ft
c i ' j
My stock of men's and boy's
shoes is unsurpassed for qua-
ity. Close buying and low
expenses enable me to sell the
best qualities at lowest prices.
S. A. GIMRE
543 Bond Street
LAUNDRIES.
WE WASH
Everything but the Baby and return
everything but the dirt.
TROY LAUNDRY
, Tenth and Duane
Phone Main 1991
Shoemaker
Get yourSHOE REPAIRING dona
at E G. GUNALL'S. All work guar
anteedPricee right
7
V
Commission, by G. W, Lounsberry,
Astoi ia, Ore.
8TH AND COMMER-