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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 7, 1908)
FRIDAY, AUQUST 7 THE MORNING ASTOWAN, ASTORIA OREGON. 1.1 Through The Fiery Furnace. Bjr EDGAR WELTON COOLLY. Copyright, iom, by' Edfar.'Welton C'ooly, jf. N oiio end of the'bench in froul yof Dillingham' gonoral store t Abner Moon, widower, peaked faco protruding In front of hla thin gray lock, one log crow tbo other lank knm, Jackkulfe la hl tight band, ahluglo In hla loft. On the other ond of tbo touch sijuattud Big Eller, bachelor, fat log apraddled out, pudgy feet juat touching tbe ground, black plpo In mouth. "Borne folka can do tuunderln lot of tblnkhV not to amount to much In tbli world, acenm to iuo," nld Abntr. ; "MeanlnT aald Blgo. "McanluV replied Aimer, pooling a long abovlng off tbo ahluglo, "some folka can alt around for an hour aun nlu' tbeinaolvoa and nevur aay a word to how their sociability." "Waal," drawled Blge, puffing vlg orouMly, "I waa tbluklu' what an all fired good thing It la that Balonm Cen ter bna ao many baldbeodod old wld rora atruttln' around like peacock In a peacb orchard." "Why?" nuked Abner, Bfjulntlug al IMK. " 'Cause town would Ite fuller of old tnalda ami wltlder tbnn tbo ftabary desert la of annd bum." Abner fell to whittling tbo ahlngb spitefully. MI reckon." ho mused, Vtbat It Just Isn't right to fly In the face 01 Providence, and If tbo good Lord had ever luterided Hlge Ellet for a Romeo lio'd 'a' inn do blm a leetlo more band oroe and a trifle leita hlppypotamou. "Maybe I'm a blppypotaraus," aald Hle calmly, "or a alligator or a 'noso- ross, but I ain't losln' no alocp yearnln for a poatgraduate course In matrl mony." - ( - "By Jingo!"' cried Abner, leaping to hla ftet and ahaklng hU flat "Don't taunt me, Dlge Eliot; don't ye do It!" "Ain't goln' to taunt ye, but If you don't keep out of my way 111 atop on ye. and I've Been a moon 'fore now that didn't bare nothln left to It but t rim." "You're a conaarned old blow prnit atormed Abner. "You're a Jealous old Jeaerat! You know I courted Sereny Rlmklna 'fore you did, and you tblnk you can cut me out, but ye can't do It." For a moment be gyrated up and down In frent of the aneorlng Dlge, then darted up the afreet. Blge aat on the beiu-h and watched blm until he disappeared In tho distance. Then be arose alowly and braahed bla clothe with bla bnudnmin handkerchief. "Can't, eh?" he soliloquised, glancing In the direction whenco Abner had fled. "Can't, eh J Reckon I'll Just wander down that way and aee." Miss Rlmklna waa out by the willow be-due gathering 'green bruah In clothee basket when Abner came shuf fling along the road. Ho waa trera bllng with Indignation nnd fatigue and at down on the well curb to root. But he hadn't been there ten minutes when be snw Blgn Eliot, puffing like a freight train on a atecp grade, atoer Ing for Miss Blmklna' modest abode. "Jumpln' Jericho!" ho cried, gazing frantically about for aome avenue of escape. , . - , Alroady the front goto was blocked by the bachelor's pomjious form. In the rear MIhs Blinking waa coming up the path. So with the agility of a squirrel be darted into the smoke bouse, climbed a ladder and squatted silently amid the gloomy rafters, from which dangled numerous uucured hams and pieces of side meat. Straight to the open door came Dlge, then' paused and removed his hut aa Miss Slmklns approached. "Why, how d'ye do?" bo began, bow ing effusively. "Oh, Mr. Ellet," replied Miss Sim klni. "I'm so glad you came. I need omobody to help me smoke that meat." "Why. ceftalnly, , mum," said Blgo, his rotund face turning scarlet with pleasure. Ho took tho basket from her and dumped Its contents upon a pile of leaves on the middle of the smoke house floor, then struck a match and touched it to tho leaves. "Oh, Lord!" groaned Abner from his elevated perch as a thin cloud of smoke began rising. "I wish a cyclone would come along. I wish the town would catch flro. I wish aomethlu' would happen to make 'em go away. I doVt know what I am goln' to do." "it is certainly very kind of yon. Abljah," said Miss Slmklns, blushing. "A lone woman has a hard time try ing to get' along." She sighed effec tively. "Must have a thunderln hard time to watt to mnrry a wldderor with sis children," snld Blgo dryly. A grent cloud of smoke was rising from the Are. Abner waa nearly chok ed nnd was rolling his eyes desperate ly to keep from sueezlng. The tears were running, down his cheeks In utreams. "Why, Mr. Eliot," began Miss Slm klns amazedly, "what do you mean?" "Heard thnt you were goln' to marry thnt old ldjlt of an Abner Moon." came Blge's complaining voice. Then the door closed with a bang, nnd a bolt flow Into place. . , , Miss Slmklns silt down on the door step and looked' Up at Iflgtt, ' "I don't euro," she aald. "Mr. Moon has been a very kind friend of mine, and, be- aides, some men don't aeem to bait- have land enough to declare their feel ings." . Ulgo blushed acarlet and stammered, "Koally, Misa-MIs Hlmklns," be aald, "I-l-that Is, I long have-have nour ished a0 deep regnrd" Uut Just then from aomewhere with in the dark recesses of the smokohouso came an unearthly noise. "Kertychoo-oo-oo! Good Lord-ker ebo-o-o!" "Mercy aokesl" cried Miss Hlmklns, gjuuclng at the cloaed door affrighted ly, "What In the world was that?" ; "I-I dunno, mum," gasped Blge. "Houudod like a cat" "No, Hain't no cat. There ain't no cat around the place." "ICertycbool Ky-choooo! 0-0 Lordl" "It'a t man, and bu's In the smoke house," cried Miss Blmklna, trembling. "He's choking to death. Lt$ blm out- oh, please lot blm out, Mr. Kllct!" "Hadn't ought to let blm out," re piled Blgo. "Ought to keep him In there till he's cooked to a crisp, He's a thief, and, he' after your meat mum," "Open this door!" coughed Abner, "I'm smoked up worse than brier pipe. I'm blocker than tbo ace of spadea. I've got to get out. You can laugh at mo If you want to; you can laugh till you can't see straight, but I can't stay here no longer." Ho was wheeling tike blacksmith's bellows with a rett l it- - s ' "Who bo yr demanded Rlge cau tlously. "And what be ye doln In there?" "I'm Abner Moon, If ye must know. replied a weak voice, "and I'm under- "1 mil UIB A HALF CCBSt) HAM. ' golu' tlie pangs of alow torture. My lungs art fuller of smoke than a con- samed old chimney, and I feel like a half cured ham." "Oh, mercy!"- cried Mlsa 8lmklus. "rot)r Mr. Moon! Poor Abnerl Let blm out this Instant, Mr. Eliot" Blgo threw open tho door, and Abner staggered Into tbo tight of day. Ho waa covered from bead to foot with soot and ashes. "Well, well!" began Blgo. "It is Ab ner Moon, but what a lookln' Moon! Ho' goue Into total eclipse. He'a nev er goln' to shine auy more!" Tm burnt all over," moaned Abner. "I'm toasted on the outside and fricas seed on tho Inside. I'm charred"- "But what was you doln' lu there?" demanded Blgo. "However came you to bo in there anyhow?" . Abner put his hands suddenly to his head. "I dunno," ho suld. "I was tak en sick suddenly. I didn't know what I was doln' or where I was goln'. I waa dim. I was dlzisler than a yeller cat with a conulptlo.n fit, and I'm git tin' dizzy ng'In." Ho rolled his eye dolefully, then looked at Miss Slmklns. I dou't llko to bother you, mum, but if I could llo dow4i-I'm afraid I'm goln' to faint." "Ob. dear, dear!" said Miss Slmklns sympathetically, taking him gently by tho arm and leading blm toward the houso. "Poor, poor Abner!" Blge watched them a moment in si- leuce. Then ho winked one eye cun ningly and chuckled to himself. "Mobbo I'd better go and get the doctor, mum," ho aald. " 'Pcaw to me he'a a pretty sick man," "Yea, do," replied Miss Slmklns. "And hurry ob, please hurry!" Blgo hurried. Fifteen minutes later he was coming down the street with Dr. Lavender. He was talking low and grinning. The doctor was nodding his head and grinning. Abner wus lying on tho horsehair sofa. Miss Slmklns was bathing his forehead with cold water and holding one of his hnnds In hers. Dr. Lavender felt of his pulse and looked ut his tongue. Then be shook his bend solemnly. " Oooc'iicsh, mum," he said, "It s the worst attack of nervous excitement I over saw. I do believe bos been get ting mad at something or somebody. Ho ought to coutrol his temper. He's threatened with n rush of blood to the spine, and that would kill him. If you will get me a piece of Ice, mum" Miss Slmklns hurried to the kitchen and In a moiueut returned with some Ice lu a pnu. Dr.. Lavender took piece tho Kl;:e of n hickory nut nnd looked at Abner. "Do you think you could sit up n minute, Mr. Moon?" he asked. "I I dunno," Abner replied weakly, 'but I'll try," . He put one arm uround Miss Sim- kins' nc,; and raised himself. The doctor dropped tin- ! down bis back "Jumpln Jericho!" ho screeched, falling back upon the sofa. "What d'ye do that for? Tryln' to give we Iplnnl meningitis?" "If Just a I fenrpd," sold Dr. Lav wider. "He's gettlu' tlrlcnt" "You're a consplrln' old Nero!" yollod Abner. "You've plotted with Blgo Ellet to make fool of uie. But I ain't goln' to let ye do It I'm goln' home this very minute." "There, there, Abner!" said Mls Blmklna solicitously, "Do try and calm yourself." 4 "I'll try, Hereny," be replied meekly, 1 "You see, mum," explained the doc tor, "they always act that way when tboy have hysteria. They always think you are trying to torture 'em, If you'll kindly get somo cloth, mum, and noma mustard, we'll make some plasters. Lot' see." Blge wa bunt Ing for something under bis chair. His handkerchief waa stuffed In his mouth, and be was blue In the face. "We'll need one plaster for hla chest, another for bis back and one for the sole of tacb foot" "You're not goln' to put them fool things on me!" bowled Abner, sitting up and glaring as If he was going ttark mad. "I tell you, I ain't goln' to lot ye make any bigger Id J It of me than ye have already." "Mobby we'd better chloroform him." suggested Blgo. "Mebby we'd better strap blm to a board.'.! "It's too bad to have to put these things on anybody," soliloquized Dr. Lavonder dryly while be and Blge El let were affixing the plasters. "Would not wonder but they'll disfigure blm for life." "And he ain't any too good lookln' as It Is, goodness knows," added Blgp sympathetically. "Go ahead nnd taunt me," growled Abner In a muffled voice from the en vironment of bla disarranged clothing. "There," aald the doctor Anally, fas tening the lust band and rising to his feet. "Now we must keep him warm. He ought to hnve a couple of blankets and three or four bedqullta on top of blm." . "Sereny," observed Abner a few moments later, peering out from be neath a mountain of bedclothes like a rabbit peeking from under a straw stack, "I don't feel like I was very long for this world. I'm half cured bam covered with mustard. ! feel like a moldy old sandwich." He turn ed his face toward tbe wall and groaned. 'Oh, Abner." said Miss Slmklns cheerfully, "do try and bear up, Ab ner!" . "And, Sereny," be resumed weakly, when they take them poultices offen me I'll be the reddest Moon anybody ever saw. I'll be ao lurid that I won't dare to go home for fear of glvin' my children the scarlet fever." . - "There, there," crooned Mis 81mklns cheerily; "don't you go to worryln' about them children, Abner." He turned and looked at her tender ly. "Sereny," he aald, "would you really like to look after 'em-always? Would you care to marry" ne paused suddenly and rolled his eyes like one In mortal agony. Ills breath came In gasps. His mouth was wide open. "Fire! Fire!" be roared suddenly. trylug desperately to push the covers off. "I'm ablaze from one end of me to the other. I'm a ragln' conflagra tion. In Just three minutes there won't be nothln' left of me but a bed of coals. I'm sufferln' spontaneous com bustion, 1 toll ye! Won't somebody please put me out?" Miss Slmklns wrung her hands In fright "Oh. Dr. Laveudcr!" she cried. "Oh, Mr. Ellet! Do something for him, can't you?" r "Mebby I'd better throw a bucket of water on hi in'," said Blge. "Mebby I'd better turn In a fire alarm." 'Cousarn ye!" groaned Abner. "I want ye to take them things offen me. They've drawed my wishbone and my spinal column together already, and tbo soles of my feet are clinging to my kneecaps like a stone bruise to a boy's heel." "Bo there any blisters on ye?" asked Dr. Lavender. "There's Just, one," snorted Abner, but it's bigger than a barn door, and I'm right in the middle of it." "Too bad," said the doctor solemnly. "When plasters take effect as quick as that It shows his nervous System is a total wreck.' He opened his medicine case, took out a bottle, shook it and held it between him and the light "I'm aftald, mum," he resumed sad ly, "I'll have to give him a dose of this, after all. I bate to do it but it's the only chance left us." ne poured a little into a spoon. Abner was watching him with a florid but anx ious face. "It may cure him, mum." he re sumed gravely. "If It does, be will be a well man In ten minutes, but if It doesn't, mum, it will kill him deader than a nit" Abner clutched the bedclothes con vulsively. He tried to speak, but he could only gurgle like elder pourln;; out of a Jug. and n cold sweat broke out nil over utsu. "N-n-no." he g.'.pped. throwing o,'f the covers ami Klrtlng up o;i th; e:!g.' of the sofa, "I wo-.fi1 take I:! Tlure - nothln' nilln' me but Just plalii fiviHsh- ness, I came here to coni'i Se'.Vtjy, nml when I saw Blge Ellet eomln' I hid In the smokehouse. .But I'm g.iln' ho:;j now, I ain't gola' to 'lis'.:' Sereny t.i . mnrry me. I wouldn't ml; i::t" ' vo":a:i to marry a'cousnrned ldjll that'll ki s couple of heartless heretics make a dogrntted dunce of him." "But I want to marry you! erica .Miss Slmklns. laughing ami weeping by tujns, "J don't .care If you have FAT FOLKS ONE DOLLAR. , invested in a bottle of these wonderful, harmless fat reducing tablets anf In 30 days you will be a normal, well-formed person again. Don't carry around your ugly bulk, your ungainjy superflou flesh. It make yo. miserable, ridiculous and what If mor important, it subjects yon to fata consequence, Sudden death from fatty Degeneration, Heart Disease, Kid ney Tiouble, Apoplexy nd Muular Rheumatism all come from OVER FATNESS. ' ' ' "ANTICGRPIT I ) O '7!'',V';A f ' s t;k mill l FAT GMD Thousands of Testimonials From?Grate 1 ful Persons Prove This . YOUR MONEY BACK IF IT FAILS UK NTI-CORPU" it tbaolttteljr the greatest discovery in medicine for " reducing FAT. It is made In the form of i. little tablet out vl VEGETABLE matter and is easy and pleasant to take. It is endorse! - ly every reputable Physician and College of Medicine. Ask your doctor. M ANTI-CORPU" is absolutely harmless. .The formula used in making ' this preparation is on file in the Bureau of Chemistry in Washing ton, which i proof that it is PURE and HARMLESS, f A 4TI-CORPU" reduce FAT from 3 to 5 pounds week. It reduces Double chin, Fat hips and flabby cheeks. No wrinkle result froa this reduction, for it makes the skin :lose fitting and smooth. ( A VTI-CORPU" strengthen WEAK HEART, cures PALPITATION. ft- SHORT BREATH and act like magic in MUSCULAR RHEU MATISM and GOUT. T3' ff per bottle. Money back, if it don't do all we 1 llCv S A VU claim, if jrotr druggist doe not keep it, how him this advertisement and make him get it for yon, or yon can send for it DIRECT to us. We pay postage and send in plain wrapper, rnrr 30 DAYS' TREATMENT IN EVERY BOTTLE. iKtlL We will tend you a tample of this wonderful fat reducing : remedy on receipt of 10 cents to pay for postage and pack ing. The tasyle itself may be sufficient to reduce the desired weight Mention this I 'per. Desk 22, ESTHETIC CHEMICAL CO, 31 West 125tb Street, Njw York, K.Y. JIZ Z'SZiTy. oeen offered up aa '"burnt lacTUJce. tyu've passed through the fiery fur nace triumphant and I'll marry yon if you say the word, Abner." , She put one arm around hla neck and rested her head affectionately upon his shoulder. Tgh!" groaned Abner, twisting hla face Into a horrible grimace. ' 1 love ye, Sereny, and I'll marry ye, but please don't plller your head on that poultice, Sereny." " THE ANDEAN WALL Crowing the Chilean Cordillera In Winter and In Summer. The wall of tbe Andes begins at tbe Caribbean nnd runs all tbe way down tbe western edge of South America un til it trails off into tbe Antarctic like n Jagged, dragon's tall. It is a very high wall and a very wide one sometimes scores and sometimes hundreds of miles across and except In a few places all but Impassable. There Is the Oroya railroad In central Peru, the highest in the world., which will take you from the drowsy tropical coast at breakfast time and by early afternoon set you on tbe roof of the divide, shiv ering and breathing fast 15,500 feet above tbe sea. There Is a railroad up to Lake Tltlcaca from Mollendo. In southern Peru, which crosses the shoulder of the Andes at an altitude about a thousand feet lower, and there Is a railroad running down into Chile and tbe coast from the Bolivian plateau.- Tbe only railroad highway which crosses the continent however. Is that which climbs tbe Chilean moun tains to tbe puss of Uspallata and runs thence, across the pampa to Buenas Aires. Some day this will be a through line from sea to sou, und In a dozen or cjre place? tunnel gangs, tge .nibbling SHE'S A? QUEEN is an expression developed woman. If you are flat chested, with BUST undeveloped, scrawny neck, thin, lean arms the above remark will never be applied to you. "SIREN" wafers will make you beautiful, bewitching. They DE VELOP THE BUST in a few weeks from 3 to 6 inches and produce a fine firm; voluptuous bosom. They fill out the hollow 3aces. Make the arms handsome ti' well modeled and the neck and shoulders shapely and of perfect contour.J-) Send fnr a hnttl rA ful. ' SIREN" wafers are absolutely harmless, pleasent to take and con venient to carry around. They are 5 oM under guarantee to do all .' claim or MONEY back. . : , r - Price $1.00 per bottle. Inquire at good drug stores or send DIRECT to ns. ' ..- 1 ' FPFF0"""8 the "ext 30 dayS on,y w will send you a sampU riLLoottle of these beautifying wafers on receipt of 10 cents tf "- oay cost of packing and portage if you will mention that yc aw ths Advertisement in this paper. The sample alone may be sufficier.i if defects are trivial. ' Desk 22 ESTHETIC CHEMICAL CO.. 31 West 125th St New York under "the upper Cordillera. But Bow It la open only during the summer, and even then the fourteen kilometers over the Cumbre. or summit of tbe pass. must be made by stage. In winter no attempt Is made to cross, and from Mendoza. In the Argentine foothWs. over to Los Andes, on the Chilean side, about 150 miles, tbe road is closed. The Andes In these parts rise to ap palling heights, the loftiest of which is Aconcagua'a 24,000 feet and the pass Itself Is at not far from 13.000-3.0DO meters, to be exact During the winter the months of our northern summer It Is buried in snow,- the deadly tern poral Is likely at any time to whirl down on the traveler, and crossing the cordillera Is as different a thing from crossing It In summer as crossing a prairie carpeted with spring violets Is different from venturing into it during a bllzsard. when a man may lose his way and freeze to death a furlong from tbe ranch house door. Whoever tries to cross after the 1st of June Is supposed to take bis life in his hands. Scrlbner'a. Antiquity of the Oath. s Tbe oath Is practically as old as his tory. As far back aa we can go we find aome form of appeal to the forces that are stronger than man. The oath calling God to witness Is of course ; much later than that made In tbe name ' of the powers of nature, fire, flood and , tempest or the ferocity of wild beasts I or the terror of the pestilence. The i gesture of the raised hand and the for- mula. "So help me God," are of Jewlsh Chrlstlnn origin, although the ancient ' nations swore in tbe name of their gods. Subscribe for the Morning Astorian, 60 cents per month, delivered by carrier. DEVELOP THE BUST SHE'SlA SIREN that is uiwiv harA at icht of a well 1 i vJ 1 li I 1 t J- My stock of men's and boy's shoes is unsurpassed for qua lity. Close buying and low expenses enable me to sell the best qualities at lowest prices. 3 S. A. GIMRE 543 Bond Street ' ' TRANSPORTATION. The "K" Line PASSENGERS FREIGHT Steamer - Lurline Night Boat for Portland and Way Landings. Leaves Astoria daily except Sunday at 7 p. m. Leaves Portland Daily Except Sunday t 7 a. m. - Quick Service Excellent Meals Good Bertha .Jajw"' . n,T j Landing Astoria Flavel Wharf Landing Portland Foot Taylor St J.J. DAY, Agent Phone Main 2761. . WINES AND LIQUORS. Eagle Concert Hall (320 Astor Street) Rooms for rent by the day, week, or month. Bes rates in town. P. A. PETERSON, Prop. MISCELLANEOUS. HOT OR COLD Golden West Tea Just Right CLOSSET, & DEVERS" PORTLANDjJORE. Plate Racks, Wall Pockets, Music Racks, Clock Shelves Just in See usgJ Hildebrand & Gor - Old Bee Hive Bldg, 60 YEARS' EXPERIENCE TRADE I7I.1RKS S C r tt 1 r-. m 0 'mWM&PWOHTSAC.. AtiTone sending nskelch and descrlntlon my quteklr ascertiiln our opinion fre whotlwr ua , 'UTention la probably patentable. Oniinnimriv tloniitrictlyconBdentlal. HAN0B00K onHsteut (ent free. Oldesl Mtency forswurmc puieuta. Patent! taken turouvlt Jlunu M to. lecetr yolal notice, without cnarge, lu tne K nandsomely lllnstrated weekly. I.areest sir ;nlatln of any tcientlDc Journal. Terms. S3 $ fear: four months, U Sold by oil newsdealers. MliNN S Co.36,BrodwaNew YcrJ Branch Offica. 635 F St. WasblDs;on..D. C URIflARY DISCHARGES RELIEVED IS 24 nouns Each Can- S sule bears (MIDY): the name Hlf ; Baton cfemmtrrfeitt ALL DKUOOISTS ; W i . W i!?W nv E ..inuj.i Liinilliite1'i"iiH"iiri""ii riiiiinHr"1 1 fW, I I
