The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930, March 13, 1908, Image 3

Historic Oregon Newspapers

The morning Astorian., March 13, 1908, Page 3, Image 3

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Newspaper Page Textto FRIDAY, MARCH 13, 1901 THE MORNING ASTOR t Air. ASTORIA, OREGON. 7: 30 Tonight First Performance - Will Be Given 1 At The . Bijou . . Dream DCTWCCN rifTCCNTH ; MXTEENTh1 Moving Pictures and Illustrated Songs' mroMMcti iastino onf "fUN AND AMUSEMENT FOR ALL' Admission 10c Children 5cN ' PBOTiDAM fiMANnM MONDAY WEDNESDAY, AW) 1ATU((dAY , : Lea PAmnopovmEn, C10SSETGDIYEBS PORTLAIOtORXOON. ' Mora than two-thlrda of your lift you wear shoes. Did yon aw think of that? The Dr.. A;' Reed, i Cushion Shoe $ Waa built to glva your ftat comfort two-thlrdi of your Ufa; tho raat yon leap. The W. L Douglas Hai a world-wlda reputation. Waar ona and ba np to data. , J s. krimm : 543 EOND STREET. Oppoalta Fiaher Bros. Best kinda of logging shoes, han made,, always on hand. ' ' , I ASTORIA DANCING SCHOOL Kearney Hall, Exchange St . Oppoalta Skating Rink A ipecial Courie of 10 Lessons for Ladies. The latest and most approved ideas in Dancing. $2.50 for full Course. School opens every after noon and evening. Tel. Black 2411 kUMM4 60 YEAR p CXPERIENpB D J tradc mark.. .4' '!, ntnria AtiTftin wmllng a nicnlrh mid diMiorlpMon Bid bill OUT UPIIIHIM ir nnw.ii wna Communlriw I onPntante lent frea. M airtncy ' '"""''J'"';.. ejMclai notiM, wlllioul ehmna, In tht p Scientific Awton. A hniHomlr IHmtralM waaMV, Ijjw fj MUNNCo",BNewTorli Briucb Sffloir&S f BU Waitttwim. ft ft Bm lhaa af an? i P""?-,. at rMMaaipn iuB ll r. SubacrlM lailu. n Premium Clllu (tkmhi PIb AdiliMt THS UeCAlX 6 HIS FATHERLY TALK. Gardner lndulfleln" OhfWlth Fellow Mcmben. ' ' " COMEBACK JOHNSINQ WARNED if la Told Not to Bt Strlousfy TroubUd About th World Coming to an End, Brothtf Syntax U ,Ao Wrnd to ... Be Cartful.' ' : f f ( i (Copyriulit,' 150)1 " ' J "Dur niu a few mciiilwre of dl l.lmp kiln club dnt I wlxb to bavo n kme fmlorly talk will dli evonlir." lKn lJro(iUur Gnnlwr sflor tlm ruiitluc hurt mm of (hi laiil nicotine bud Int-n dirt lKmfd:of, Hni1dr Coiuolmck, t4obo ilttK, plenae aland up." t J im brother irrailimlly utillnki'd lilm ir until lit) stood up hU fwt tall nii.l "rupicrto uraiTim bmxzakm doob- . in' ia wirrtiL" about aa large around as a cornstalk, and after eurveylng him for a moment the president said: "Bruddcr Comeback, I 1'arn dat yoo am seriously troubled 'bout da world eomln' to an ondf "Yea, aab, I la.H "Yoo am lookln' fur It almost every dayr Yea. aab." "And you am ready to rnsb fur a front aoat whon do show oponsf "I irant to git a good start, aah." "Waal, I'll sft dat you do. I want to say to you dat (lis am no fool nigger club. Do rest of ua believe da de world waa put yen to stay. It baa been yera fur nilllyona of years, and It am gwlu. to continer In blaneaa till de machinery wears out Dat may posnl bly occur a blllyon years hence. By dat time It will bava been forgotten dat alcb a long, lank, foolltih man aa you have cber galloped around. "Part been talk of do world endln' up fur de last 10,000 yean, and It baa allua come from people wbb am light In de bond. I can't atop all of 'em from contlnrrln' dla silly talk, but I. can atop yon. You am gwlne to git up to morrer mawnln' a different man. You am gwlne to buut fur a job and find It. You am gwlne to work like a boss Instead of alttlu' around de stove. You am gwlne to pay up your back rent Instead of lookln' for de end of de world. You am gwlne to buy clothes fur da wife aud cblldern Instead of ruHbln' for a front soot You am gwlno to puna de evenln'a Wld your family Instead of apookln' around and llstcnln' for do blowln' of horns. You am gwlne to do dls or you am gwlne to be dorpped from dls yere Limekiln club wld slch a tbud dot It wUl break bones. You can now sot down, and Brudder Halibut White will erect his- self." Brother Halibut laid the half of a raw turulp ho waa eating on the floor, put away bla Jackknlfe and stood up with folded arms, and the president addressed him with: "Brudder Halibut de news has come to me dat ou a sartln night two weeks ago you dreamed of aoeln' a cross eyed bluck cat chasiu' a bobtalled white dawg frew u graveyaard. You dream ed dat dream three tlmea runnln', and it affected you so powerfully dat you got out of bed and sot up de rest of de nlgbt; also, you took It aa a warnln' dat anodder nlrthquake was coruln' und am atlll alttlu' nround and waltln' fur It Am I correct, Brudder Halibut?" What tho Droam Meant "Yea, aah. Dat dream means an alrtnquake fur Bhore.", .,.-, "Urn I,, Did dot cat wink at you aa she waa hustllu' dat dawg along?" "Can't any she did, aah." "Did dat dawg sorter wave a fare well to you wld bis atump of a tall?" "Reckon not," , , . . ,. , "Waal, we will have to remedy da oversight Jlst listen to me fur t mlult If you have any mo' dreams of dat sort and I hear of dem, an alrtn quake will start right under your feetl It will lift you up and bump dat hard Head,, of syoura ng'in, de celUnV and when you come down , you 1 will be frown over eighteen cba'rs and nine teen benches, and de folks dat pick you up win una your neck oroKen. Dot's plain English, and I hope yoa understand It Dls am no dreamera dub, and It hain't no nlrthquake club. You can sot down and devour de rest of dat turnip, and If Brudder Syntax Cfreen am .among us tonlgbt.be may wise." " ' ' w:,.;.,'i; ., Brother Syntax was on a back seat, trying- to figure out with the stub of a pencil ftn4 9 okr envelope- now ma botcher could make five out of two and two. , Ha row np and cam. forward with punted face, and after taking 1 drink T new elder from tbeltcber It bla elbow the president said! "Brudder Syntax, I bear yoa want ober to bo cabin of Brudder Peace maker Small do odder nlgbt and made I few predlcsbunsr c "Yes, aah." "You predicted seventeen bllztards doorln' do winter?" "Yea, aab." "And dat tatera would go up to for dollars a bushel?" "Yes, aah." "And dat bacon would be a dollar a pound befo' next Mayf "Yes, aab." "And dat anow would fall 'loven feet deep dls winter?" t "Yes, sab." "And dat mlllyons and mlllyons of people waa gwlno to die off of cold and starvashun?" , , "Yea, ino, I aee it comlnV 1 "I's glad of dat afobbe1 yoa see sunthln' else comln too? Mobbo yon too your name crossed off de member ship book of dls Limekiln club? Mebbe you see Brudder Glveadum Jones es cort In' you to do doah? Mebbe yoa eee him droppln' you Into a snowdrift In doalleyrv. ' "1-1 can't tactly aay I does, aab." replied the brother. j ,'But I does. ; Yes, sab, I see ail dat In case you mako any mo predlcshuna and, mak. folks trouble. . You want to Btop dead in your tracks. Yoa know 'null to put on whitewash and black stoves, but when It comes to predlc shuna you hain't in It Yoa drop 'em and tend to your legitimate blzneaa. If you don't, den look out fur me. Go back and sot down, and I have a few words to aay to Brudder Standoff Tay lor." ." , , Brother Standoff wasn't looking for any sudden call and had got behind tbe stove to take a nap. Wben routed out, be fell against the stove and burned bis elbow and then fell over a bench and skinned hla nose and both ablna, and It waa some Utile tune before be got the proper pose. Then he heard a deep, serious voice saying: Warning to Brother 8tandoff. "Brudder Standoff, I am told dat yoa am gwlne around and lettln' It be known dnt yoa differ with Senator Foraker?" "Yes, aab; I doea differ wld him." "And dat you differ wld Governor I Inches?" "Yea, sab." "And dat dar am a wide difference of opinion botwlxt you and Mlatab Odolir "Dat'a so, aah." "And dat you criticise de president's policy In twenty-soben different In stances?" . "Twenty-nine, aab." "Oh, I see. Beg your pardon, Brud der Standoff. I believe you have fur der announced dat you and Senator Depcw am out" "We don't Bpeak, aab." "Too bad! Brudder Standoff, baa It occurred to you dat de rest ob de ken try may not be In agreement wld you?" "No, sab." "Waal, let me state dat such am de case. We don't agree wld you at all, aah, and we bave resolved dat If you don't keep dat mout of yours abut tlghtcr'n a drum arter dla suuthln' am gwlno to happen to you sunthln' to make you sick at de stvimlck-suutbln' to gin you a fllpflop ten feet blgb and to land you on de back of your neck when you come down. All dls kentry expecta of you, Brudder Standoff, Is dnt you hold your Job In do wood yard at 2 a day and take care dat your wife and chlldera bave 'nuff to eat and wear. Yoa bear me, and I reckon you've got sense 'nuff In your bead to take a bint and change your w&ya. Dat's all, and now we will go home." M. QUAD. Those Well Moaning Friends. ii t'A'Jii. l u-i.ii. 'i jui Only 2 Bays! PoreYoD'ti-Ooaeif farri lWBaBBaaaawaMaBaaawaBaaBsa .... .... , t ' ' f ff AND NOW:' FOReTHH Pays Come whether you want to buy or not. Come to see the crowi Come to see me bargains. Come to see the final, windup of the greatest sale that was ever held in As'oria. No use for us to say there will be bargains every one knows that ..BWWBBMBWBMWaWB If You Have Not Gotten Your Share of Muslin Underwear Now Is the Time If You Can Use ait Extra Pair of Shoes Come at Once It will pay you to even buy two or three pairs and lay them aside. (f?Am a and lay in a supply of Muslins, Ging y " . haPs Sheetings, Dress Goods, Laces, Ribbons, Embroideries, etc., while you EJlTlv? can.-) You will save ITTiEiJllL At the Big Blue Sign Successor to the Morse Department Store THE ORIGINAL LAXATIVE HONEY and TAR in tho 1 1 Cures Coughs, Colds, Croup, La Grippe, Asthma. Throat j and Lung Troubles. Prevents Pneumonia and Consumption yellow packao ; ; P. T. LAURIN, OWL DRUGSTORE. THE STUPID SWAN. The man who insists that you share his umbrella. Browning's Magailne. India's Filmy Muslin. A story is told of a weaver who was "chastised and turned out of Dac ca for bla neglect in not preventing a cow from eating a piece of muslin spread to dry on tbe grass, she mis taking It for n spiders wob." Bolta records the story about a Mogul princess whose father was "angry with his daughter for showing her akin through 1 her clothes, whereupon the young princess remonstrated In her justification that she had seven suits on!"-Ind!an World. : Oraeoful and Boautiful, tho Bird la a Nincompoop. To the mind of the average farmer nothing which walks on two legs la quite so stupid as a ben. lie Is mis taken, though, for there still remains that beautiful, graceful nincompoop, the common swan. The swan Is bo stupid that It will stand in tbe shallow part of a pond and allow the water to freeze round its legs till the Ice is so thick that it cannot lift its feet and it la stuck fast Not infrequently owners of these handsome but witless birds are compelled to chop away sufficient Ice to make It possible for tbem to withdraw their lmprlsoued feet Tbe stupidity of the swan In this respect Is emphasized by the intelli gence exhibited by ornamental duck wben the weather turns cold. Af night comes on and the water begin to. freeze the ducks begin swimming In a wide, well defined circle. Round and round they go during the entire night,' keeping all the water within that circle free from Ice, so that wben the day dawns they can float. about and doze in tbe sun. Ducks are al ways most active during the nlgbt and chooso the day for sleeping. But to return to the swan. If you find one of these birds some distance from the water and startle It, the swan Will rush a few feet toward the pond and then drop down on the ground and try to go through the motions of swim ming, apparently unable In its fright to realize that It has not yet reached the water. Neither Is the common swan a good fighter. The block swan, although one-half Its size, Is Invariably, the vic tor in tbe combats which are some times engaged In mid generally kills Its antagonist. The black swan usually provokes the fight too, for It Is rather a quarrelsome bird. Washington Star. OLYMPIAN GAMES FOR 1908. NEW YORK, March 12.-A con tribution of $500 from Yale to the fund which the American )y01ympic Committee Is raising to make Amerii can participation n the Olympic games of 1908 In London a pronounc ed success was announced yesterdty by Julian W, Curtiss, treasurer of the UP-TO-DATE PRim Alwaya oat the lookout for the most approved way. of doing thlaga,. ha, secured tho right to aefl the well known pcints. , staixio, Tsnnahea, made and sold under the inaifc ef A snack that aabk. any use, novice or expert, to get, without OjosiuC, oxactty tne rtgnt finisa tor wood or natal aM w nv. IniiUa nr out ' I : ' WtMBooie boytaf . kfor a coerof tta hbtfbilmm bockth Sanction and ht yinling loi arcroiM. ALLEN WALL PAPER AND PAINT CO. 11th & Bond Sole Agts. ' ' ' w-'ffifc,. 11,1111 I iJ.i w v, j,,- iarascliino Cherries DELICIOUS Try'ein 75c and 1.00 a bottle at the AMERICAN IMPORTING CO. 589 Commercial Street1 committee. Mr. Curtiss was notied of the contributio nin a letter from Walter Camp in New Haven advising him that the promise of this sum was the outcome of a meeting held at Yale the previous evening. The fund is to be used in defraying the ex penses of the American team which will be sent abroad for the competi tion the coming summer.