to
FRIDAY, MARCH 13, 1901
THE MORNING ASTOR t Air. ASTORIA, OREGON.
7:
30 Tonight
First Performance
- Will Be Given 1
At The .
Bijou
. .
Dream
DCTWCCN rifTCCNTH ; MXTEENTh1
Moving Pictures
and Illustrated
Songs'
mroMMcti iastino onf
"fUN AND AMUSEMENT FOR ALL'
Admission 10c
Children 5cN
' PBOTiDAM fiMANnM MONDAY
WEDNESDAY, AW) 1ATU((dAY , :
Lea
PAmnopovmEn,
C10SSETGDIYEBS
PORTLAIOtORXOON.
' Mora than two-thlrda of your lift
you wear shoes. Did yon aw think
of that?
The Dr.. A;' Reed,
i Cushion Shoe $
Waa built to glva your ftat comfort
two-thlrdi of your Ufa; tho raat yon
leap.
The W. L Douglas
Hai a world-wlda reputation. Waar
ona and ba np to data. , J
s. krimm
: 543 EOND STREET.
Oppoalta Fiaher Bros.
Best kinda of logging shoes, han
made,, always on hand. ' ' ,
I ASTORIA
DANCING
SCHOOL
Kearney Hall, Exchange St
. Oppoalta Skating Rink
A ipecial Courie of 10 Lessons for
Ladies. The latest and most approved
ideas in Dancing. $2.50 for full
Course. School opens every after
noon and evening. Tel. Black 2411
kUMM4 60 YEAR
p CXPERIENpB
D
J tradc mark..
.4' '!, ntnria
AtiTftin wmllng a nicnlrh mid diMiorlpMon Bid
bill OUT UPIIIHIM ir nnw.ii wna
Communlriw
I onPntante
lent frea. M airtncy ' '"""''J'"';..
ejMclai notiM, wlllioul ehmna, In tht p
Scientific Awton.
A hniHomlr IHmtralM waaMV, Ijjw fj
MUNNCo",BNewTorli
Briucb Sffloir&S f BU Waitttwim. ft ft
Bm lhaa af an? i P""?-,.
at rMMaaipn
iuB ll r. SubacrlM lailu.
n Premium Clllu (tkmhi PIb
AdiliMt THS UeCAlX 6
HIS FATHERLY TALK.
Gardner lndulfleln" OhfWlth
Fellow Mcmben. ' ' "
COMEBACK JOHNSINQ WARNED
if
la Told Not to Bt Strlousfy TroubUd
About th World Coming to an End,
Brothtf Syntax U ,Ao Wrnd to
... Be Cartful.' ' :
f f ( i (Copyriulit,' 150)1 " ' J
"Dur niu a few mciiilwre of dl l.lmp
kiln club dnt I wlxb to bavo n kme
fmlorly talk will dli evonlir." lKn
lJro(iUur Gnnlwr sflor tlm ruiitluc hurt
mm of (hi laiil nicotine bud Int-n dirt
lKmfd:of, Hni1dr Coiuolmck, t4obo
ilttK, plenae aland up."
t J im brother irrailimlly utillnki'd lilm
ir until lit) stood up hU fwt tall nii.l
"rupicrto uraiTim bmxzakm doob-
. in' ia wirrtiL"
about aa large around as a cornstalk,
and after eurveylng him for a moment
the president said:
"Bruddcr Comeback, I 1'arn dat yoo
am seriously troubled 'bout da world
eomln' to an ondf
"Yea, aab, I la.H
"Yoo am lookln' fur It almost every
dayr
Yea. aab."
"And you am ready to rnsb fur a
front aoat whon do show oponsf
"I irant to git a good start, aah."
"Waal, I'll sft dat you do. I want to
say to you dat (lis am no fool nigger
club. Do rest of ua believe da de
world waa put yen to stay. It baa
been yera fur nilllyona of years, and It
am gwlu. to continer In blaneaa till de
machinery wears out Dat may posnl
bly occur a blllyon years hence. By
dat time It will bava been forgotten
dat alcb a long, lank, foolltih man aa
you have cber galloped around.
"Part been talk of do world endln'
up fur de last 10,000 yean, and It baa
allua come from people wbb am light
In de bond. I can't atop all of 'em from
contlnrrln' dla silly talk, but I. can
atop yon. You am gwlne to git up to
morrer mawnln' a different man. You
am gwlne to buut fur a job and find
It. You am gwlne to work like a boss
Instead of alttlu' around de stove. You
am gwlne to pay up your back rent
Instead of lookln' for de end of de
world. You am gwlne to buy clothes
fur da wife aud cblldern Instead of
ruHbln' for a front soot You am
gwlno to puna de evenln'a Wld your
family Instead of apookln' around and
llstcnln' for do blowln' of horns. You
am gwlne to do dls or you am gwlne
to be dorpped from dls yere Limekiln
club wld slch a tbud dot It wUl break
bones. You can now sot down, and
Brudder Halibut White will erect his-
self."
Brother Halibut laid the half of a
raw turulp ho waa eating on the floor,
put away bla Jackknlfe and stood up
with folded arms, and the president
addressed him with:
"Brudder Halibut de news has come
to me dat ou a sartln night two weeks
ago you dreamed of aoeln' a cross eyed
bluck cat chasiu' a bobtalled white
dawg frew u graveyaard. You dream
ed dat dream three tlmea runnln', and
it affected you so powerfully dat you
got out of bed and sot up de rest of de
nlgbt; also, you took It aa a warnln'
dat anodder nlrthquake was coruln'
und am atlll alttlu' nround and waltln'
fur It Am I correct, Brudder Halibut?"
What tho Droam Meant
"Yea, aah. Dat dream means an
alrtnquake fur Bhore.", .,.-,
"Urn I,, Did dot cat wink at you aa
she waa hustllu' dat dawg along?"
"Can't any she did, aah."
"Did dat dawg sorter wave a fare
well to you wld bis atump of a tall?"
"Reckon not," , , . . ,. ,
"Waal, we will have to remedy da
oversight Jlst listen to me fur t
mlult If you have any mo' dreams
of dat sort and I hear of dem, an alrtn
quake will start right under your feetl
It will lift you up and bump dat hard
Head,, of syoura ng'in, de celUnV and
when you come down , you 1 will be
frown over eighteen cba'rs and nine
teen benches, and de folks dat pick
you up win una your neck oroKen.
Dot's plain English, and I hope yoa
understand It Dls am no dreamera
dub, and It hain't no nlrthquake club.
You can sot down and devour de rest
of dat turnip, and If Brudder Syntax
Cfreen am .among us tonlgbt.be may
wise." " ' ' w:,.;.,'i; .,
Brother Syntax was on a back seat,
trying- to figure out with the stub of a
pencil ftn4 9 okr envelope- now ma
botcher could make five out of two and
two. , Ha row np and cam. forward
with punted face, and after taking
1 drink T new elder from tbeltcber
It bla elbow the president said!
"Brudder Syntax, I bear yoa want
ober to bo cabin of Brudder Peace
maker Small do odder nlgbt and made
I few predlcsbunsr c
"Yes, aah."
"You predicted seventeen bllztards
doorln' do winter?"
"Yea, aab."
"And dat tatera would go up to for
dollars a bushel?"
"Yes, aah."
"And dat bacon would be a dollar a
pound befo' next Mayf
"Yes, aab."
"And dat anow would fall 'loven feet
deep dls winter?" t
"Yes, sab."
"And dat mlllyons and mlllyons of
people waa gwlno to die off of cold and
starvashun?" ,
, "Yea, ino, I aee it comlnV
1 "I's glad of dat afobbe1 yoa see
sunthln' else comln too? Mobbo yon
too your name crossed off de member
ship book of dls Limekiln club? Mebbe
you see Brudder Glveadum Jones es
cort In' you to do doah? Mebbe yoa eee
him droppln' you Into a snowdrift In
doalleyrv. '
"1-1 can't tactly aay I does, aab."
replied the brother. j
,'But I does. ; Yes, sab, I see ail dat
In case you mako any mo predlcshuna
and, mak. folks trouble. . You want to
Btop dead in your tracks. Yoa know
'null to put on whitewash and black
stoves, but when It comes to predlc
shuna you hain't in It Yoa drop 'em
and tend to your legitimate blzneaa.
If you don't, den look out fur me. Go
back and sot down, and I have a few
words to aay to Brudder Standoff Tay
lor." ." , ,
Brother Standoff wasn't looking for
any sudden call and had got behind tbe
stove to take a nap. Wben routed out,
be fell against the stove and burned
bis elbow and then fell over a bench
and skinned hla nose and both ablna,
and It waa some Utile tune before be
got the proper pose. Then he heard a
deep, serious voice saying:
Warning to Brother 8tandoff.
"Brudder Standoff, I am told dat yoa
am gwlne around and lettln' It be
known dnt yoa differ with Senator
Foraker?"
"Yes, aab; I doea differ wld him."
"And dat you differ wld Governor
I Inches?"
"Yea, sab."
"And dat dar am a wide difference
of opinion botwlxt you and Mlatab
Odolir
"Dat'a so, aah."
"And dat you criticise de president's
policy In twenty-soben different In
stances?" .
"Twenty-nine, aab."
"Oh, I see. Beg your pardon, Brud
der Standoff. I believe you have fur
der announced dat you and Senator
Depcw am out"
"We don't Bpeak, aab."
"Too bad! Brudder Standoff, baa It
occurred to you dat de rest ob de ken
try may not be In agreement wld you?"
"No, sab."
"Waal, let me state dat such am de
case. We don't agree wld you at all,
aah, and we bave resolved dat If you
don't keep dat mout of yours abut
tlghtcr'n a drum arter dla suuthln' am
gwlno to happen to you sunthln' to
make you sick at de stvimlck-suutbln'
to gin you a fllpflop ten feet blgb and
to land you on de back of your neck
when you come down. All dls kentry
expecta of you, Brudder Standoff, Is
dnt you hold your Job In do wood yard
at 2 a day and take care dat your
wife and chlldera bave 'nuff to eat and
wear. Yoa bear me, and I reckon
you've got sense 'nuff In your bead to
take a bint and change your w&ya.
Dat's all, and now we will go home."
M. QUAD.
Those Well Moaning Friends.
ii t'A'Jii. l u-i.ii. 'i jui
Only 2 Bays! PoreYoD'ti-Ooaeif farri
lWBaBBaaaawaMaBaaawaBaaBsa .... .... , t ' ' f ff
AND NOW:' FOReTHH
Pays
Come whether you want to buy or not. Come to see the crowi
Come to see me bargains. Come to see the final, windup of
the greatest sale that was ever held in As'oria. No use for us
to say there will be bargains every one knows that
..BWWBBMBWBMWaWB
If You Have Not Gotten Your Share of
Muslin
Underwear
Now Is the Time
If You Can Use ait Extra Pair
of Shoes Come at Once
It will pay you to even buy two or three pairs and lay them aside.
(f?Am a and lay in a supply of Muslins, Ging
y " . haPs Sheetings, Dress Goods, Laces,
Ribbons, Embroideries, etc., while you EJlTlv?
can.-) You will save ITTiEiJllL
At the Big Blue Sign
Successor to the Morse Department Store
THE ORIGINAL
LAXATIVE
HONEY and TAR
in tho
1 1 Cures Coughs, Colds, Croup, La Grippe, Asthma. Throat
j and Lung Troubles. Prevents Pneumonia and Consumption yellow packao
; ; P. T. LAURIN, OWL DRUGSTORE.
THE STUPID SWAN.
The man who insists that you share
his umbrella. Browning's Magailne.
India's Filmy Muslin.
A story is told of a weaver who
was "chastised and turned out of Dac
ca for bla neglect in not preventing a
cow from eating a piece of muslin
spread to dry on tbe grass, she mis
taking It for n spiders wob." Bolta
records the story about a Mogul
princess whose father was "angry with
his daughter for showing her akin
through 1 her clothes, whereupon the
young princess remonstrated In her
justification that she had seven suits
on!"-Ind!an World. :
Oraeoful and Boautiful, tho Bird la a
Nincompoop.
To the mind of the average farmer
nothing which walks on two legs la
quite so stupid as a ben. lie Is mis
taken, though, for there still remains
that beautiful, graceful nincompoop,
the common swan. The swan Is bo
stupid that It will stand in tbe shallow
part of a pond and allow the water to
freeze round its legs till the Ice is so
thick that it cannot lift its feet and it
la stuck fast Not infrequently owners
of these handsome but witless birds
are compelled to chop away sufficient
Ice to make It possible for tbem to
withdraw their lmprlsoued feet
Tbe stupidity of the swan In this
respect Is emphasized by the intelli
gence exhibited by ornamental duck
wben the weather turns cold. Af
night comes on and the water begin
to. freeze the ducks begin swimming
In a wide, well defined circle. Round
and round they go during the entire
night,' keeping all the water within
that circle free from Ice, so that wben
the day dawns they can float. about
and doze in tbe sun. Ducks are al
ways most active during the nlgbt and
chooso the day for sleeping.
But to return to the swan. If you
find one of these birds some distance
from the water and startle It, the swan
Will rush a few feet toward the pond
and then drop down on the ground and
try to go through the motions of swim
ming, apparently unable In its fright
to realize that It has not yet reached
the water.
Neither Is the common swan a good
fighter. The block swan, although
one-half Its size, Is Invariably, the vic
tor in tbe combats which are some
times engaged In mid generally kills
Its antagonist. The black swan usually
provokes the fight too, for It Is rather
a quarrelsome bird. Washington Star.
OLYMPIAN GAMES FOR 1908.
NEW YORK, March 12.-A con
tribution of $500 from Yale to the
fund which the American )y01ympic
Committee Is raising to make Amerii
can participation n the Olympic
games of 1908 In London a pronounc
ed success was announced yesterdty
by Julian W, Curtiss, treasurer of the
UP-TO-DATE PRim
Alwaya oat the lookout for the most approved way. of doing
thlaga,. ha, secured tho right to aefl the well known pcints.
, staixio, Tsnnahea, made and sold under the inaifc ef
A snack that aabk. any use, novice or expert, to get, without
OjosiuC, oxactty tne rtgnt finisa tor wood
or natal aM w nv. IniiUa nr out ' I :
' WtMBooie boytaf . kfor a coerof
tta hbtfbilmm bockth Sanction and
ht yinling loi arcroiM.
ALLEN WALL PAPER
AND PAINT CO.
11th & Bond Sole Agts. ' '
' w-'ffifc,. 11,1111 I
iJ.i w v, j,,-
iarascliino Cherries
DELICIOUS
Try'ein 75c and 1.00
a bottle at the
AMERICAN IMPORTING CO.
589 Commercial Street1
committee. Mr. Curtiss was notied
of the contributio nin a letter from
Walter Camp in New Haven advising
him that the promise of this sum was
the outcome of a meeting held at
Yale the previous evening. The fund
is to be used in defraying the ex
penses of the American team which
will be sent abroad for the competi
tion the coming summer.