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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 22, 1908)
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY aa, 190a. THE MORNING ASTORIAN. ASTORIA. OREGON. CS C, 0. D, MAN'S DOtN Tells a Story of Misfortunes and Human Ingratitude. MEETS A CATOSH YOUNG MAN Twae Rather a Lucky Acquaintance Per tha Dilapidated Oantltman, as, na carna soma Eaty Money In a Qama af Bluff. tCupyriKht, 1WT, by Homar Bpragu. They call uia tho 0. 0. D. man be cause lie nlwitji cash on dollvery with mo-thnt U, I deliver my tala of mis fortuue and eipoct tba cah to follow. (This aavea time and bookkeeping and ofllet rant, . and your cash reglatar shows you what you bava on band at any minute I never crowd myself la I among gentlemen uulosa strongly j urged, and I never affiliate with other tratnpa when I enn find atraw atack for myself. Not that I think, I'm worae than any other gentleman or j 'hi bead w nil a (AlmblsfmaJhell dm In tba nowt with the glove half an hour ago and will crow over It for a j week. I want revenge, tut I don't take to the glove somehow. I east got the awing of 'oro. If you'll come down . and knock that nlnny'a eye brows off I'll cough up a v. I can 1 run you In all right, and I want you to sonk blm. You needn't quite kill him, but Jar hla tooth out at Joan." "It's Qre to eoak the chap with the ' llftp," aaya I after thinking the thing ovor, "but bow much to bluff the whole club down Into their bootsl" "Can you do It, man-can you do It for euro?" be eagerly exclaimed aa a beautiful amlle came to hla phla. "I think ! can. At least I am willing to try." ' , "Lordy, If you only eould-if you only could I There' dozen buaky scrappers there tonight, and If you DJuiT'oin it' nrtecn plunks In your la side pocket." Given Five en Aeeeunt lie gave me Ore on account and took me down and dodged ma Into tho dressing room of the club. He was chuckling with anticipation, and aa he aeetned to be aquare young man I determined' to do my beat for him. When I waa ready to go before the audlonc be Introduced me aa his couatn and aked them to go light on ma on account of my lunga being at fectod. I bad on a pair of eyoglaaaea, with my long bah brushed back over my marble ears, and all took ma for profeaaor. They picked out the cham pion scrapper of tba club to wallop me, and when be gets Into the ring be - says:. )j "Excuse me, profeaaor, but you're got your glasaca on." "Of coume." aaya I. "But tbat ain't regular. If I emaab your glaaaoa I may ruin your eye tor- 8 I 1 -" ' ' . in i.iu -i-weMBSBBBBsaaSBMBsaasi Blank Books Up to the Highest Standards, ooktaindin .if-;.'. , ; ....: ,v.j; if.,t) ; ..f,-, '; . v. . . 1 After Strictly Modern Methods, , , :' -., ; '.'' '.' . . v. . ' ' . '' ' -' :' rintia of Every Description B Wm BI ON, TWO, TftftJM, LIOBTLT os tus cms. ; "I'm nigh alghted and always box i wiu mj wiusera on. xou go ngni ! ahead and ruin my eyes forever and I ansa t make any kick." I Til be hanged If 1 do." eaya be after : looking toe over for a minute, and be crawl uudor the ropes and geta out Than they got in another chap, but be bad only drawn one glove on whim be look over at me and aeea me read ing the evening paper aa I alta croak better than any other tramp, but I legged In my corner, and a panic take tmaomswbat conservative by nature, blm, and bo call out: It la only when I am collared by the; "Not nuy for Juel I knowa a tidal police that I look haughty and fall , wave wheu I area it, and I don't back upon my Knickerbocker ancestry hanker after1 six mouth In the hoepl- nd my bluo blood, and If I get thirty , tail" la tba cooler I take It out In a dlgnl- j Then the catoah young man who bod I Bed faahlon Instead ; of making a picked me tip offer f&), $30 ahd a aqueaL t I high aa f0 to anybody to atund before I waa banging about Philadelphia a mo for three round, but the fullow few weeks ago to study tho graft aye-. abook their beads and said they would i tern and uiako more or hwa a aucceaa wait for something easy. It was the I of my 0. 0. D. invention when one ' eyeglaiwc, you ee a regular Ice cold evening aa I waa (trolling about I Muff and they awallowed It down and i , meeta up with a catoah young man. I had goose flwili all over 'em. could tell that bo belonged to the 1 "Itelng this crowd' dou't see in to Our Facilities are tie best and we can promptly execute all orders. swagger not while he was yet a block 1 ; sway. He had the proper air and bis bat on the Iwck of hla hoad. I atied ; him up for a young man with a rich papa, a doting mother and a mouth for quail on toaMt and dry champagne. ; In doing biiBlues with the public I bavs a little atory to relate. Tboatory Is accompanied by a proper air of nope lout forever, and It Includes tblr- want auythnig in particular of my CoiihIu Bum," aaya young cntosb aftor awhllo, "and being my CouhIii Sam has throe or four Important engagements on hand, I will withdraw him till some of you tlilnk you can box a bit" And as I was resuming my opparvl he slip ne tho ten other plunka and ' pats uie on the back and says: "D. G. (dllapldutcd gentleman), If I J. S; llllmaip Go, U5 ASTORIA, OREGON teen separate and distinct misfortune ' wasn't my papa' favorite son and my innmma'a Joy I'd bitch up with you, ; and we'd travel together and bluff the whole United States and have barrels of fun. A It is, I'm stuck here and bave got to piny the blue blooded game out Take your sugar and go forth with my blessing hitched behind you, and may you find straw stacks at ev ery crossroad and turnips at every mile." M. QDAD, , A Oraoafut Withdrawal. "Do you know who that old gentle man la talking to our hostess?" asked Mrs. Blunderer of the lady sitting be side ber. "That" answered the lady coldly, "Is my son." "Qhl" gasped Mrs. Blunderer In con fusion, "he's a good deal older than you are, la be not?"-LIpplncott's, Ptrhsu Freeze Out "Did you see where some railroads are planning a refrigerator combina tion?" i "That will tiieitn a cold deal for somebody."-Bnltlinore American. and a chunk of human ingratitude aa tig aa a bouse. A very few person bear tha atory and swear. Tho great majority either preserve a respectful silence and tender me a nickel at Its conclusion or weep copiously and ten der me advice about rotting too near tha case of the Benirai Hirer when vis- ting the coo. I inliiht not have tackled the catosb young man but for bis pcr - furbed look.. I saw that there bad been n epoch of soiuo sort In bis rosy life, and I struck an attitude and began chapter 1 of my aerial. I hadn't got off ten linos whou be Interrupted with: I "Stow It, cully. .Where were you born?" . .,.;.,..,; , ?orn In th tap of Luxury. "In tbs lop of luxury," says I, "but at the early ago of ten a trust aqueexod my old man out of bis tannery and threw me on a cold world." "Wbere'a your palace cart" , . "Switched off and left behind." I "And your valet?", .. ! "Dropped dead the other day of heart disease when I handed him a quarter, nd I'm afraid I can't fill his place." "I should say your allowance wasn't over $500,8 mouth," be goes on as he looks at the patches on my knees. "It's a trifle undor tbat Just at pres. nt," aays I, "but I'm standing In with contractor to steal the curbstones on ten different atroota,.. and I may be able to buy a third auto a month hence." '7,W-t,"--f "Look here, cully," says the catosh young man as he drops his banter and grows serious and breathes champugno all over the block, "I think I know a dilapidated gentleman when I see one." "D. G. (dilapidated gentleman) hits me to a dot-some dilapidation, soma gentleman. - The two make a fair com bine. Go ahead." i "And you've got bleeps?" ' "Feel and see. Beaching out for nickels, for the lust fifteen years baa given me the muscles of a Sandow. Beaching Is the best thing in the world for shoulder exorcise, even If yon don't -And belng a dilapidated gentleman L,;r",T' S S. nlJ ith m. h y mile, please, or you'll fog the plate. trnt no your dukear. , -Tatler. V .y- ; . In reply I put 'em up and tapped Mm one, two, three, lightly on. the chin, but at the same time kept an eye on a policeman across the street ' "Uowtlful,", says the catosh young man ns I drops my bands. "I belong utt Is also to bs deprived of the w o. e. b. swagger. wwi soy ciuo lll(.nsllre of pRyln the po,-,,,.. down hero, and a galoot with a lisp In tf r ' A Paraphrase, 'So you hnvo become converted t prohibition "No," answered Colonel SUlweU of Kentucky. "I am not exactly a orohlbl tlonlst but I am a firm believer In th theory that a soft drink turneth away neauacnes." Washington Star. Not Slana Either. "What do you think of a man who keeps his money In an old stocking?" I should say he bad selected a darned poor bank."-Plttsburg Post j U fsJ 3 j ' ''j , oxnaxia I .. : :-r -rs 1 ' V Sad'or'th Plate. Coughs.Golds; CROUP, Thb remedy eaa abvavs be itttwlti ddab and li pleaunt to take. , It contains no opium or other harmful druj and may be gives at cea8 dcnflv to I baby as to an adult trice cents, large size SO cents. Mi j . ... ? J SI Banker 'WaJsli, happily, has not the alterant of paying a flnejl it 1 the cell for him. 1 - . . - to ;a,sspices; :l & J MIOriOfijWilil!. . aI ft,!?frm e fvn Eh m Listed For t TIMBER LANDS, FARMS, CITY LOTS, HOUSES, AND ALL KINDS OF .fe,r.f'.V,.V ,,,r i,;., 172 TENTH STREET. o)nn ASTORIA, OREGON mm mm :n ioito ' I J M M v fj f f1 lit M II , I . E 4 'V m!1F wwB7 WiiJi esiMtbasuA UaV .Vti J a. J ".V 1 E J THE ORIGINAL LAXATIVE ' HONEY and TAH Cures Coughs. Colds. Crouo. La G L J and Lung Troubles. Prevents Pneumonia and Cnnsnrrmtinn Yfi.rnw biz-vk