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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 13, 1907)
SUNDAY, JANUARY 13, 1007. THE MOIINING A STOMA N, ASTORIA, OREGON. r M. Clam, in Wall Street, Marvels at Millionaires. THIRD WEEK THIRD WEEK CLEARANCE $ALE (Copyright, 1900, by 8. 8. Clint.) (M, clam. Hi.. mmiiiwii.mI I'iiiImIiiii Jmirnullni, vlnliN VVnll MiKut iinl m mclilll Millllollilll I'M In the imikl ik Mi' Clllcll''S I hi f 'VIT (Hill lilt VlHlllllh of f,ldlll"ll" Wi illlll ) New York, 10 Jan 'I'll llil)' I hllVn '"i'll llllll pi. Ill- Wlli'lf rillliotiiili'o r' made In tlnom United Kitten! I have Hi'i'ii nillllmiali iH nmde In thii Ittlnkh- nf 'ii iy. Aluri'! I MfNI'ir Hll.lll III' 1,111' lllllllllllllll'K (l-llll li. w! Allium! I wiii iiiiii inllll'iiiiili i' la il.iv. Inil my friend, M. Jnhn V. lial' D. I'-IIm in.- II In delter to mill. I, Inn tliluk II Is Ih-IIit. Too mind e i lii iiH'.nt In ono liny In not Komi, mill tu-dny 1 hnvo morn Until mind. All l KlI'l'tcMli'Mfl III I hi' Willi Ml'i'l'l, where. I hnvo lim'ti to day. I( It ilii! friuitlr 1 1 ft-. All people run, dodge, t.ilK f,tt! I hiivx i li 'iiii- agitation, wild th-nlre , In tun Ui ii mt down tdi' Wnll Klii'i'l. V''l I iiiiihI lm ciiliii, My duty to my i ouiltt) man In tlli l!rt. I flinll It'll . U.i'm ill) ! TIim Will Hlni'l li th" m-iit of guv i i nin.'iit of I liriii i iilli- l HliitoH All iii'ii lull- li'll lm- id l.i. In W.iniiliiKt-iu. 1 1 . K t f"l tin- K" hii.'i lit. vi l I - l J I 1 II"! Itli't It J I . -1 . I think It t 1k goverioiicnl . Af(--I 1 have he, led In ileipuli f"i lli.it RiiVi-! nuii lit In W.ind- j It Kluii, I H'.h In my fil'-n l M. Cii.iiiii- j i i-y I -n-w nf my trouble. II" null). "II, id! You, my ili-iii l imn l-i.nv n. il wli.'ii- lii ji,i.l' I )iilll' lvr yi'ti a I' tii-i to to my frl'-nl Jodn j W Uiiti'N, III-, will i-limv oii mi' Itilui; i ,-r two." Instantly M ii-i'W gave no ililt ilinli'iilid- li-tl-r; 'My Dear John ThU will Intro, III' to you my dear friend M Clam, (hat imiowih-iI r,ui"l.iii Join millnt, wlio virilti'M of tdi- ,'ifT.iliH A iio-i I, :iu. Ti ll Mm if tin- Willi Hln,!, p,ue. AIho I'dow dim Innv to m.ilu- (In- million ilolliirn In olii' 1 1 : i V . 'I'd li In- will ktiott n i 1 1 '.'7 - r V ' h-'-w-r'H fill! 4 We intend to make this week the largest of this Great Clearance Sale. To do so we are going to offer Three Great Specials on Timely Necessities, HEAVY SCOTCH TWEED RAIN PROOF OVERCOATS, OREGON WOOL BLANKETS, HEAVY WOOL SOCKS, Right now you need these heavy winter goods and can buy them at the lowest possible prices. These inducements should appeal to you. Read the following and consider them carefully. OREGON WOOL BLANKETS. The bott in th world. $17.50 value, special $12.50 f 15.00 value, ipecial $10.00 ? 12.50 value, ipecial J9.00 $10.00 value, special $7,50 $8.50 value, ipecial $6.00 $10.00 value, Gray MoMM $7.00 All otheri at earn; reduction. HEAVY SCOTCH TWEED PROOF OVERCOATS. RAIN They are timely togs and you should take advantage of these low prices: $25.00 value, special $18.00 $22.50 value, special $16.00 $?0.00 value, special $14.25 Come in and take at look at these. HEAVY WOOL SOCKS. 5 pair for $1.00; 20c per pair for reg ular 35c once; 3 pair for $1.00 for rtpular 50c ones; 50c per pair for reg ular 75c ones. Come tomorrow. nts. Boys" Suits 8 en's Suits, iaincoats, vercoats, Pa 20 PER CENT OFF Take advantage of this opportunity to buy bright new goods at such low prices mm,' i, I IIii-m,. full.-, I S! .it.-H, My iv ,'hIh to iill llmur lioyn. Yours, O I A I" N'( 'i; Y." Win n I uiilvi' In Ni-w Y01K I no rKftln iiltiii ki ,I wild ld.it li'-.u t fiillun . 'I'liom- i.i,'ix of tin- nl, liillnil'l.ili -I lot. Tdo"i- ci mimIm w , I -' 111! ,oll'i Kvi'i y wln-i i- u .i-i i'Xi It'-ini'iit, I :tw id It, ,,11 m i I, . mi. ,i! 'I tin- ly.'i li. Y'-t I'h'UkIiI I. Iinuit l'i- dol'l, iilln r nun llllM' fllilll I liol illH.l l-hi il,i' ili'li , -tioll :' II llllllK 11 Ido l' -, 1 illiU'l- l.lplil Iv Ii) tin- Willi Mi'-i't. At Id.- Kiiiil- ( Pl H1I II , - III till- WOt'l'l 1 l-ltl't l',. TIloMi' H'o'li' fotlKht limilly lo liiiril tin- i li'v.itor. 1 wiim riirili',1 wild tin-in. To myiti-lf I Hiidl "lo imt font I tlin' iiiimdiT, or you an- lout!" Tlio"c i-d -vntorH hIioI up uml ilowu. I I1n, my -i.rlf lifli-,1 to tin- xky! In ii-niii.iIIoii 1 .1I..1I "M-l... 7 if? 111111, Iw Vol il wan lo lali'. Tlio i d viilor Wiis nlri'n'ly Uii-'-o kllomi'tiTM In ld(! air. Willi fin y tlii Kuiiril tlirow nil pi'oii out. Tin ifoor Iiiiiiki'iI, all ropi-s droki', a ml th.it Runi'il fill liiHtniitly lo lln- I'iirtd, on,. diMil mini! No miittci'! Those pimple do not : look ill Hiirli llihiKM. Tln-y run lo tin I'llior door mill Unlit madly to n 1 r. ! whn HWi-pi iiloiiK. AkmIii IdoHi' ropi'M rlvi way, and wo fall liendloiiK, I phrlrk. All IlioHt- pi'opd' turn lo mi. I'm1 m:in miltl: "Thin man, ho I111.M not Iho iii'iyc. Hi' 1h from IIoIioKuh," In s'antly tlmHo people lnunh toward mo. 1 am furloufl, but always polite. 1 ialil: "Will you be so polite to nlmw ine where Ih my friend M. John V. ltl'H?" IiiHtanlly Uidhp people lake off tln li' Vnt. Tliey bow lo me, with npolmtv, ."'hey whlMpereil: "Ho'h otm frlond of John VV. Oaten! hook out!" Tim. S'liard Bald: "Excuse me, I did not Vrnw wo hii'l one millionaire here. T'iIh In the olllee of M. OaleH," I make the dlmtovery uuli kly that nil people In Now York ran be polite if t .ey think they are speakliiR to one ri'.lllonalre. After now, I hIiiiII alwayn y flrHt: "I am one millionaire. Will yon Htep aHldo?" In tho offlco of M. QateB were many liople. My card I Rave to one young ran. "I am one millionaire," Raid I. "T,f ho kind to tell M. Clates I have on? tier from M. DepcW." Instantly that yount; man walked backward, bowing to me many times. 8'ion M. Gates appeared. With cor. reality he embraced mo. Ho snld:"Wel .crmc, M. Clam! How la my dear frlenH Q n E. C. JUDD, Proprietor. WW woo 1 684 Commercial St. Between 15th and 16th. i t auiiri-y',' Jluw ale IdoKi- ImyK in III .- mite?" I replied: "All In w.-ll. ,M. CiiIi-h! 1 lit how Is td,. W'.ill plri et ?" Ilii reply: "Omo with me. Td Inililii-rlliK AtrhlKou. St. l'iiul :.: nKKy. I.ini'loii In all broke up, an I 1,1'mIm rm- Help, .siiiniliiiil (HI, Hhe in I'll tile lent. Tlioxi- KlilllK' ih are wol I y. IliirrliniUi Im flKhtliiK Khosi.i. I'lll Is on the blink. You know Law I'll'.' he'M nut with anollnr line of i dipper dope. Why, 1 i-iin't ke,p td i oiiey awiiy! It ioIIm ovi im ,i You irnl a, million'.' I'oiini with me!" With .'iKliatlon I heard of thewe ter l!ble ihliiK. Ht. Paul Intoxleated! M. Ali hlMon fmilly mili'der -d! (hie earth i.iiiike In London! And thoHe oth'TH. I' In trouble! Vet M. (liileH iloe.s not miii'h earn. AH In money to hlni! Hi. civ! What audacity! What aplomb. Instantly M. tiaten eoiidllet.s me bead b n u down one elevator. We arrive on i.irth Hiifily, yet how we escape 'leatii I know not. one man In the crow 1 I I Ic.n to slop M. I bites, lie Raid: "l.ooh M. tiates! Here Is one roll of the yel-!iiw-bnckeil money! Take It and make It blKKer for me!" M. dates said' "Mew much In (bat roll?" The reply: "line hundred thousand of dollars." A', (lutes said; 'Hah! You me td II.L.fl V,,,, ul,.,,l timet I'.. I ,i',ivl" Willi violence M. Ciiites knocked a wny those people who upproached him with small money. I follow htm, much mrltated. On that Rtrort was the Rivat crowd, excitedly talklliR. I hear one man say: "They've not Atclilnson ov ei a barrel. It's a barbecue for the bears." Hears! thntJKht I. Do thesb 1 cople tie one victim to a barrel and Rive him to those saviiRe beasts to de vour liliu ? Horrible! One other ma.i said: "Ha! ha! The lambs are In the slauRbter bouse." More blood, ir.oro caniaRe, thought I. M, dates hurried alonR. Those news boys darted everywhere, cryhiR the ter I Mile news. Automobiles crashed over prostrate forms. Millionaires rushei hither and thither. All was excite ment. M. Clates led mo through a door. When that door opened I heard roars, dies, shrieks, howls of anguish! I I' oked dnwnwurd Into one pit. Dlable! Thousands of poor millionaires wore writhing in tho torture. They were fhastly pale. Their hands were held ( loft, with those fingers spread apart in pain. Madly they struggled. One, i.t'secn, terrible ell, ile asked the young Is Willi i xi lteineiit 1 i rb',l to v. dates: "llw l,i stop tills great crime?" Ills reply: "You. M. iMam, are right li s a erlme to take the money. Mere ymi M' e what Ide prosperity does for tl.es,. 1'iilted States, These poor ml I -I'en.ilres do their best to relieve those I cople of their wealth, but In vain. Tln-y cannot work fast enough." I said: "If I become one million i'ltv, it will assist to relieve this eon- 1 1 stlon?" ins repiy: sMirc: n will no om power slowly Hiu-ke 1 1 M . in back and forth. Occasionally j that K. T. M. (J. & K. trust organized i"ie young nilllionalre would ,-s. a p.. , yi t ? o? Well, what makes this grea iiv! inch mildly away, l.ut most nf'i'ilay? Send Van Hibber." t'l in were trapped. Ah! 1 felt td.-j Another young man he appeared. M. Illy. Murder was lulng done. In front '( iates said: "New, Van Bibber, tM ' r "' ''! I those pajn rs that M. (Jates has dispo- !'de of that Hoa Constrictor trust to one J-'reiich syndicate beaded by thoso Kothschllds. Their special partner, 1 ""m. to-day h:is tlosed tlie u-al I--morrow tnal sto k will be worth V0D. Also, tell those reporters that M dates refuses to he interviewed re- f.i rdlng that great K. T. M. G. & K i rust which he has now organized, yet it is thought this will complete thu ' .'-ssing link of ;h- North Pole an I r.intiigonla system. M. Gates, it is said, has been appointed Secretary of ASTORIA IRON WORKS JOHN FOX, Pres. F L BISHOP. Secretary Nelson Trotr, Vice-Pres. and Sept. ASTORIA SAVINGS BANK, Treks I- -- -t "...fcy, l.'M.Ull J I ' t1 at Treasury by M. Kooevelt, yet he t" oiisand sb.ires of that Una iMnstrlc- iieellnes to be interviewed. Also, M. iv Copper Company. If I do not bur-1 dales turned on the hfol when asked It from me I shall have more mil lions to-morrow. Already I have too much. In America It Is well to haw too much, but too much Is dangerous. dose people are frantic against billionaires. M. Uoekefeller tries to t scape, but those people talk of tile b nch, M. Hivkerfeller says M. Wev- hauser Is more rich. Now those peo- ) ' !e cry: I,et us lynch Wcyerhause'- I we can find him!" lint they do not I, ml him. Now, M. Clam, share with tee this danger of much wealth." 1 said: "With grand pleasure, M. .dates. I am young, yet strong. My (image Is thrice superb." M. dates did then give to me those shares. I gave to him one hundred I'ollars with green hacks, in mere for mality wllh the law. "Look!" cried M, Gates, handing me the tape of one ticker. Quickly I looked. On this I read: "foil Constrictor swells rapidly, No blng con stop It. Tomorrow those di rectors will raise the price to $100 a .hare to outsiders, lambs, suckers, and foreigners." To-morrow! I reeled, Almost 1 swooned. I am the insider! I am the it llllonalre! ."Try to bear up, M. Clam," said my dear friend M. Gates. "Do not be frightened. Remember, you will have i.ntll to-morrow to prepare for this. Now let us leave this excitement." Wllh no delay we returned to the tallest scraper. M. Gates conduced me to his private office. Touching one. .i' be cornered the Standard Oil stock. v cry well, said M. Van Ribber, v;i Iking backward and bowing low. "This, M. Clam, Is my press agent,' tf.,.1 ..... ?.t i ... i. .... , --..m in.- menu, .u millionaires have urcat perplexity to escape those re I crters. Now we have the press agent '.'ho tells those papers what we do not wish those people to know." "This," I replied, "Is the plan thrice admirable. To-morrow I must hire the agent, also." M. dates did me the honor to be pieatly pleased with this remark. With laughter he replied: "Not before to p orrow, M. Clam! Promise nic that! ' Instantly, of course, I give my word. "Millionaires," said I, "must have hoji or amongst themselves." His reply: "That, M. Clam, is true. Also it Is true. Also it takes one mil lionaire to catch another." With affection we parted, M. Gates end I. Tomorrow I shall see him again, my new friend. After I have escaped that elevator and those crowds I find fine to breathe nlone in one little res tunrant. There, with my wine, I think, think, think. All Is the great whirl of i'ollars In my head. Soon I have plea sure to see M. Van Bibber. He em braced me with kindness. He take the demi-tasse together, and talk much. I said: "M. Rockefeller he has the press agent also?" His reply: "Ah, yes! One year nst M. Rockefeller was hated much. Designers and Manofacturers 01 iTHE LATLdT IMPROVED Canning iMachincry, Marine Engines and Boilers, Complete Cannery Outfits Furnished. CORRESPONDENCE "SOliCITEO, Foot of Fourth Street (Continued on Page 6.) GO CKNTS VKll 3IONTH ASTORIA'S BEST NEWSPAPEK Guarantees to its Advertisers A Larger Circulation Than Any Paper Published In Astoria OUR BOOKS ARE OPEN TO INSPECTION BY OUR ADVERTISERS