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About The Coos Bay times. (Marshfield, Or.) 1906-1957 | View Entire Issue (April 21, 1916)
THECOOSJAY TIMES, MARSHFIELD, OREGON, FRIDAY, APRIL 21, 1916 EVENING EDITION THREE The Central Avenue Booster CENTRAL AVKNUK, FRIDAY, APRIL HI, JUKI. Xo. 8. VOL. e-a- WHUjK . SMI I' -...iVfi 1'IHTOIt lSIW AWKNDS CHURCH I TjJE religious editor I n.n.tor miiuo n -SMILE-.-WHILE- THE SMOKEHOUSE MINSTRELS of Tlio rT"" . .. i n trln tin toi I Booster i.- - 1 nM.dnort this wcolc and tlio tiMball editor was sont to report tlio "rnion of Bruce Evans and ho turned . iua following: "Quito a bunch was present Wednesday evening owing to the Ksenco of a new star In the hot and tlio fans woro nnxtous '5 for a lino on his work. Bruco I . 1.A-n U'ltll tllO KOOdS I 15 sum ui - - ' jnd performed to tho satlsfnc j (ion of all present. Owing to this Icing his .first nppenranco 1 on tho homo Grounds ho wnsa I little nervous at first, but oh ' wiiiraeed by tho coaches in tho ( 'Amen corner' ho lot himself J looso and had tho gamo woll In hand from then on. Ho nmilo'a i thrco bneo hit on Hell, his Now Jerusalem slow ball was n poach and when ho turned loose on jlctcrnal punishment his Hpood ms terrific. As this 'was bin first workout It Is too early ro ; predict a future for liliu, but if he keeps up tho gait ho start ( ct with, Its him for (ho big l leaguo next Reason." . SMII.E-A-WHILE A good many Coos Hny moth- Kollond and Crosthwulto. "Did you over lmvo money loft you?" "Yes, I had money nnd It loft mo cmlck." TIIK CENTRAL AVENUE DOOSTKR - 4 Published Every Friday In the Inter cMs of Com Ray In Geuonil and Central Avcnuo In pnrtlculnr. CENTRAL AVENUE JOTTINGS I Central Ave. to l'ront Again. Out of fllx officers elected at the Entered nt the I'ostofflce as Btrlct1y''M1IIlconm CIub tno 0,llor (ln' f0lir Klrst-Clnss matter; thero Is nothing! woro Central Avcnuo men. The ..,..-! ,. Hnnniwi-ni "..: ""V """" ' .: """ """ v hul anions worso man mo pulp z ,,-"". "" """i euirai Aycnuo. other two, Hen Fisher nnd Ed. U?" inscription Price. Your good will. i ... , and membership In tho Booster Clnh 0II CoIltrB of coUr(JO V . A1 .. . . T SMILlv-A-WHILE . trs loso tliclr voices auying do that." v t SMILE-.MVIIILK 'don't SOME TIME You will need A Doctor A Prescription filled A good Drug Store And careful compound ing. Then remember That we Await your orders And will faithfully Serve you. Wo Deliver Immediately. Phono 74 "The OWL" Two fully registered Phnr imiclsts at VOl'lt hervlco mill? "Jlotton biiHlncss." "What Is your friend?" "A politician." "Republican?" "No." "Domocrnt?" "No." "Then what nro his principles?" "Ho has nono. Didn't you Just near mo any ho Is n politician?" smile-a-wiiile missinu editor Ol'll Pl.vm.'nmf Ouo Street. Ono Flag, Ono Country,! .. ..and One Wlfo nt a time i OUR RELIGION. I To Do Good. I Ol'll POLITICS. More niiRliiPM.- "Ib tlio editor In?" ashed the caller nt tho offlco of tho Hayvlllo Whopper. "No, sirs lie's out of town," replied .tlio nsslstnnt. MKAX REMARKS op TIIK.) WATER KRONT PHILOSOPHER I lent THIS boln' tho last wcok ov mo not havln' denied my self nothln' oxcept not bavin' worked as hard ns usual, I 'sposo I'placo wiiero tho crowds go, If ort to refrain from sayln' nnytliin' mean about folks. You hear n lot ov Don't Llko Is. 1. S. Kaufman says ho thinks Its n poor Joke for peoplo to refer to his office (num ber 222 Central) as "the slun of th thrco deuces", although ho enn't deny that lila firm Is com- j posed of "three of a kind". SMILE-A-WHILE M'ghl Have Knimii 11. Hrtico Kvans has transferred his afternoon meetings to Central Avenue. Wo could have told hlin from tho ' first that Central Avcnuo Is the he'd "When will ho bo back?" naked tho talk anyhow about It boln' proper to speak only good ov pooplo, but s far as I been able t'obscrvo, Hints llko somobody showln' up to pay off th mortgage on th old homo placo on Christmas Kvo, It most gon'rnlly happons In books an' movin' pictures 'exclusively. Also I observe that poo plo ain't given to spcakln' ov tholr own cussedncss, nn' If thero wasn't nobody to bawl 'em out in a fearless nn' freo press, nobody'd over know how mean they was. A follor docs pretty woll nnyhow to follow th old motto "do mortals nil nisi boiuiiii," which belli' trans lated mentis "conflno your knockln' to th' live onos," an' s'long ns usked us. caller. "I don't know," ropllod tho nsslst- tnnt. 'You rco, in wrltliiK t.n tho church services last Sunday ho said that tho choir rendered tho uppro liriato nntlicm: 'Lord, Have Mercy 'on Us Miserable Slnnors,' and tho printer sot It: 'Lord, Havo Morey on Us Mlsorablo Singers,' and it got Into tho paper that way." SMILE-A-WIIILE Within tho pool's lofty domo A grand idna dawning Was shattered wlion ho bumped his head 'Oaliist Harry Gordon's awning. , hod (1kaves smile-a-while ' favorite quotations ' (Dr. Housoworth's.) i "Tlioro nro n craw of wrotohed souls I That stay his cure: tholr malndy con vinces Tho great essay of art; but nt his touch, Such sanctity 'hath heaven given his hand, Tlioy prosontly nmond." sm i le-a-wi i i le A WISE.'INIC McGRAW ' "Novor put off until tomorrow Jho ' things you could do today," advised Frank Cohan In n spirit of philosophy. "Nover do," replied Will Chandler. ' "I always put thorn off until next woek." SMIIiK-A-WIIII.K. of Habit. Al Myers 1 stay within that rule, I flggor I'm playln' tol'rablo fair. ' ! I'vo nlwii8 noticed that If a Central Avcnoo feller makes good his nvlfo claims slio had ns much to do with It as ho did; but If ho don'tsucceod slio nlwus says It wuz bec.uiso ho didn't do th way slio told hlin to. Th' Biinio Is truo of follers on other nvenoos also. j. .;. .. Theso hero righteous Amorlcans tliut criticizes th' Gornmns for sllugln' I'irreo or iiaiiit. Al Myers says ho Is t30 tiBcd to tho old liiuno that when n man called at his offlco tho other day and asked for prop erty In "Knglowood" ho pretty near spoiled a salo by Insisting on tho suporlor merits of "First Addition", and afterwards had hard work to convlnco tho stranger that they wore tho sanio plnco. i SMI MC-A-WI 1 1 IjK D DONT. O you foci you'd llko to quItT Don't! Got to fecllnc you dou't fit? Don't I Do you want to yll "All lul" Cnuso your wlnd'n a little thin An J you think jou'll novcr wlnT Don't I Thcro's a kick you want to mnlo? Don'tl There's a hcml you want to brenkt Don't! Do you feci you wnnt to whlno I.lko a Kcnulne cniilno Ami octul bluo streaks down ths lliio7 Well, don't! When you boo a chance to duck, Don't! When you wnnt to chuck your luck, Don'tl Keep rlsht on without a stop, And you'll duro show up on top If just when you want to Hop You don't. Unknown. Do yc wit WIiiU'h the Unison'.' Harry Wlnk- 'cr has Joined tho small but exclusive sot that has forsworn wearing hats. Has ho gono back on his owiihalr tonics, or Is It just because 'he's tired of smashing his five dollar Stetson against the Central Avonuo awnings whoso height Is so rigorously regu lated by City Ordinance enforced by pJnck Carter SMIIiK-A-WIIII.K Too Minli Luvu''y, -,jii3. J. Den nis, special agent for tho Hart ford Insurance company, was a Central Avonuo visitor Wednesday. Mr, Dennis has always been used to coming Into Coos Uuy on tho stage, and saya tho chaugo was so marked that ho slept nil tho way down on tho train, nnd would have gas bombs 'ud git huiublod a wholoibcon carried on through to Pow lot if tliey wuz t' attend n mootliioviers if tho conductor hadn't waked th' Mnrshfiold City Council when 'him up. Ho Is told Hint tho scon- re- TIRES rn n ,l,st rccc''ved the largest shipment ever "m un uuus aay. For Mileage Satisfaction Reasonable Price TRY McGRAW SEE OUR WINDOW Marshtield Hardware Co. "roadway ,i Central Avcnuo. Phono !ll cry of tho trip Is fine, and will try to stay ttwnko to sco It on tho re turn trip. H.M I M J-A-WH I I,i: they's n slight dlsagrcomont. This horo follcr Gormond may or may not bo n good onglnoor, but thoy iin !' ttnKnfli un r Ii la nn mnn Mi miln 7 . , ' ;, ., r. , All Sumo A. Mncoln. Tho City liiiiik uu a kwj, uiui. uuHixa Willi vi uin. .. .. . ... .. ,. ., i 7 .i i jCouncirs oxiiorlcnco with Mr. Clcr tlinv wnn m iia iinrmotlv fiifr nn Imntiil intra in t ttitiwl f ulnvii don't mind usin' a IIUlo slang. jAbrnllllIIl LlncoIll onco tod on m. solf. Ho was paying attention to John Uaohmnnn Is Indignant about a young lady, nnd had liocn go- Hi' now grado on Central Avonooo,ing with lior so long that ho felt that calls for a fill In front ov his. that ho had glvon ovldonco of more proporty, nn' appeared boforo th'orlous intentions than ho really Council th' othor ovonln' to protest, entertained. Thinking It his duty nKln' it. John says th' reason ho up-'to nmico tno oner or mnrriago poured boforo th' Council Is because I whleli ho felt sure alio had i)00Iltho castle guto waiting to be remuncr. !hoyCsetw!rtn their backs ag.i, .fc.'w to expect, but reeling also that 'StiSS.l'Jl? wall so's a roller can't crnwl up be hind 'out. BMILK-A-WIHIK Vegetables I Tho soagull swallows anything, 1 Too gullibly ror words; 'Jlut wo can't laugh at him too much, j,8 mind, For not nil gulls nro ulrdi. KMIUCA-WIIIliK his affection for her was not 3tich as to Justify him in selecting liur for his wlfo, ho wont through a long mental struggle to bring him self to tho point of making a dec laration. Having finally mado up ho cullod on tho young TENDER AND TEMPTING A full line of the things that you will want for your Easter Sunday Dinner Tfiess are the choicest selection of the California mar kels arriv'ng fresh and crisp on today's steamer. HERE'S A LIST Mice Fresh Strawberries Green Peas New Pota toes Head Lettuce Fresh Asparagus Artichokes Lnsp Celery Carrots Beets Radishes Rhubarb- Spinach Caljfcnia and Florida Grade Fruit. on't Forget we Handle Holsum and Tip-Top Bread, Sanitary Wrapped. Made clean. Sold clean. Deliv ered clean. FRESH DAILY f Sanitarv Food Store TIIK AKi:i) HAMMKIt "Thoy tell mo thnt 'Gono was mixed up In a bad fycrapo yestorday," re marked Jim Kollond to Frod McCleos. 'illnii- ilM It liniuinn?" nsknil Frni!. , .!! nt .l.nvn.1 In .TnSS Tarroll'q ! ,loVO(1' ho ot OXPOrlonccil - o-- - -- , lady, fooling that ho was going to muko u grand encrlflco upon tho altar of duty, ami mudo a vory formal proposal of marriage. To his aurprlso, sho gracefully declined to accept, and Mr. Lincoln said af torwards that instead of fooling ro- DO YOU? put your nnns n round hlin you used to do of old, ou Klva hlin IIUlo klssos ithout Imvlim to bo told. Do you nnl him It Iio'b weary, do you wonder at his trials. Do you wait for him to walcomo him with tciidcrncDB und smiles? Do you show hlin you appreciate the llttlo ttilmrs ho brings, Tho thouRlitfulnciiB ho shows you ao wltn. In lha Knto he snhiRs, Do you tnko him to your bosom, lay your liiiiid upon Ills hend, Ah you used to do when living In tho ro iimnco of tho wed I Do you cIIiir to him In trouble nnd do nil you cut) with souk And euimlilno nnd with chcerlns to help mutters Joe nlnimT Do you enro to nmko hlin Imppy, do you show It, If you do, Do ynu tell him that you lovo him, ns you want It told to youT Sandy's Treat. HmiiiI.v lind'Just met IiIh girl nt tho end uf the street, where she was wnlt lug fur blni. She was looking into a eon feet loner's window when fandy uuide bis presence known by remark ing: "Wcel, Jennie, whnt nro yo gaun to lime the nlclit?"" She, not Inclined to usk too much, re plied: "Oh, I'll just Ink what you'll talc. Sandy." "Oh, then, wu'll balth tnk n vulkl" snld Siiiuly, ns bo led her nwny. -CM-engo News. It Was Paid. , As the gut bill of n "Nirtable" tlu-N-tcr showing In a provincial town for n mouth bad not been paid lit the week's end. when It became due, a man up peiued on the .Monday night following to cut off the Mipply if the bill were not paid ou tho spot. The doorkeeper reiiinnxtnited with Mm, Kjlntliig out that the iiiiiuuger wait ou the boards at the time and could not possibly leave the stage ror an hour tho gas man might call then, "No," sntd the gas num. obdurately. "I'm going to eiit It nlT now." "Hold Iiuril," said the doorkeeper. "I will go and tell tho iiiiiuuger." Dlsgulslm; hliuxelf In n Iiiiko red Clonk and n great felt bat with a droop Itig feather, mid a sword at bis side, he walked nil the singe with the words, "Heboid, my lord, the man stands at The Manager (taking In the sltun tlonl Go; I follow thee. Iondoii Fun chair," ropllod Jim. . SM I LK. A-WI 1 1 Mi Good Acts. Let me tonight look back across the span Twlxt dawn nnd dark nnd to my con science say, tiecauao of some Rood net to beast or man, "Tho world la better that I lived today." -Klla Wheeler Wllcos. rnoN-R 21rt SERVICE FIRST (Formerly Xasburg's Grocery.) SRCOXD AND CKXTJUTj Mangling a Joke. Assoclnto Justlco Mclleynolds or tho United States supremo court prernccs nearly everything ho has to say with n story. Ho Is ns full of stories ns a pic nic plo of nuts. Occasionally Melteynolds tells n sto ry "with n point so oubtlo that only thao with n keenly pitched senso of humor can "get" him. One night nt'n dinner ho sprang something that occa sioned not the slightest ripple of laugh ter. Ho waited n, reusonablo length of tlrao and then observed: "Well, at least don't cry about it." Nobody got that either. They didn'f understand what it was that they weren't to cry about. So Mcltcynoldi added, "It'll como In mnyho by freight." An englishman was seated next to Melteynolds, and lib curiosity was aroused. ; "What do you mean when you say ! como by freight';" ho Inquired. "Slowly, like n freight train." ex- , plained Mclleynolds. "They'll get tho story If they wait long enough, don't I you see?" I A great light dawned In the English, man's eyes. "Ah," ho exclaimed, "you mean steam packet. Story shipped by ' steam packet. 'Twould bo utterly ab- surd, -wouldn't It? Uu, ha, ha!"-I)o- trolt Freo rress. some cnugrln, nut folt that no would really havo liked to havo tho girl, after nil. And tho young lady said that sho declined hecauso sho felt that tho proposal was not sufficiently "spontaneous". SMI lilJ-A-WH I m-: COIIIIKCT Wo do not want our falllngj book ed When wo know wo havo orrod; We'd rather havo tliom overlooked Than havo them overboard. FUBI) KELM3Y. S.M I UK VI 1 1 LK Made Her Pay Well. A certain iiiccu uf Hanover out-e ujioii a time when travellut: stopped -il an lull called the (iulden Coiu'e She remained two days to reM herself and rotluuc and receive such entertainment ns was needed and for the kiuic was charged .'100 dialers. On her departure tho landlord besought her with ohxo qiilous deference to favor hlin with her patrouugu on her teturn. "If you desire that, iny dear mnu." replied her mojesty, "you must not tgaln tnko mo for your sign." FRECKLES Don's Hide Tli'un With n Veil; lie move Tliom With t"o Othlno I'ro M'l-iptioil This prescription for tho removal of freckles was written by a promi nent physician and Is usually so suc cessful In removing freckles nnd giv ing a clear, beautiful complexion that It Is sold by any druggist tinilor guar- Geno c'rosthwalt anteo to refund tho money if it falls. Dou't bldo your freckles under a veil; got an ounce of othlno ami ro- movo them. Even tho first few ap- Al'ltll, I, .1. I'. MOIK.'AX .V CO, WltOTE A CHECK FOII OVEK $70,000,000 Tlio liiigivit check oer iIiiiimi. If (eiio Crostliwiilt could urito a check for oei- seventy iiillllon dollurs, tho cliaiice.s nro lie iiould iiiako a pros- out or his InleieM In THE SMOKE HOl'SE to J I in Kollond and Fred .McCtcos. Hut, us it is, lio goes right on selling good cigars, and Eli KOITA.V U uuioiig tho bent. A gamo of billiards, or your fa vorite iiiaga.luo may also bo found nt t 1 fll-4 Smokehouse Central Awnue's Popular Meeting I'laco For .Men. Jim Kellond Fred McCIees. I plications should show a wonderful! Improvement, sonio of tho lighter ifreckles vanishing entirely. I Ho suro to ask the druggist ror the double strength othlno: It Ii this that 1)11. W. A. TOVE, DENTIST Hours 9 to 12; 1 to 6. Room SOI, Irving Hldg. Central Avenue. Slurshrielrt THE OPTISIISIl Ho surely Is a cheerful mutt For ho alngs night nnd day, "I don't know whoro I'm going, but I know I'm on my way." JIM LEAVENS. SMIIiE-A-WHIIiE It Isn't alwnys a Coos Hay man's principles thnt make him behave. It Is usually Jack Carter or L. A. Mljeiivlst. -S.MIliE-A.WHIIiE- HOW TO HECOME A flHEAT MAX Keep quiet, my son, nnd bear In mind That on your mouth you should wear' clamps And some day, maybe, wo will find Your pleturo on uur postngo stamps. FRANK IiAISI-r Vanophone THE XEW WONDER $12.50 PHONOGRAPH Plays Victor, Columbia, o"r any 10 or IS-lncli (II ho records. Como In nnd hear It. MARSHFIELD NEWS CO. C8 CENTRAL AVE. (Formerly Frlzcen's) Wo deliver any inngnzlno or periodical on dato of issue, :: :: :: :: liMaHmMMMMWMais L. W- JACOBS 7il Central Avenue. lliono 2.10-J. WE ARE AGENTS FOR THE "DICTAPHONE" Dew Drop Inn EASTER Candies, Baskets and Ice Cream Kvcrytlllug to help make tho Easter Feast a Joyous ono. Htx kinds of Ice Cieaiii and oilier kinds made to onto-. Wo deliver two und glvo PROMPT SERVICE. I Don't Forget Our Light Lunches S ARTER'S DEW DROP INN Central Aventio Don't Forget the Light Lunches You Want Good Insurance Thfat's the kind I write. Prompt adjustments of all losses. Fire, Life, Accident and Casualty. Iliivu Just added to my Hue ouo or the lending llvo-stock In Mil unco companies In tho United States. E. I. Chandler Coko lliilldlng Mnrahfleld Teach Your Children to Save Money Itis the First Step in the art of getting ahead. See that they have a Savings account IN THIS BANK First National Bank g HOME OF THE SAVER Marshfield, Oregon BE PREPARED to show PROSPERITV A JOYOUS RECEPTION and CONTINUOUS WELCOME. You can't entertain prosper ity, anybody, or enjoy life properly yourself unless you have muslo in tho home. SEE US AT ONCE. Thomas Music Company Consolidation of Wiley II. Allen nnd W. R. Raines Music Stocks OH Central Avenue. If it isn't an ANSCO it isn't the best $2.00 to $55.00 ' Films and Developing REH FE LD'S 220 Central Avenue Marshfield Ill'.HINESH PREPAREDNESS CoiihIhU In poBBCBHliif; tho vory latest nnd boat offlco equipment iud no offlco In fully prepared without ono of our 42 Coutlmotor itumlugton Typowrltcr.1. Thoy flr tho shota thnt batter down j tho fortlflnitloiiB uf old fogy la in nnd bring back no prisoners plenty of ordorH. H Seo Mb About Tern is PLAN TO TAKE Smmiday Dinner AT THE Chandler Hotel Th& Hub of a noon menu Central Avenue Is sold on the raoiiejvbacly guarantee.!