THECOOSJAY TIMES, MARSHFIELD, OREGON, FRIDAY, APRIL 21, 1916 EVENING EDITION
THREE
The Central Avenue Booster
CENTRAL AVKNUK,
FRIDAY, APRIL HI, JUKI.
Xo. 8.
VOL.
e-a-
WHUjK
. SMI I'
-...iVfi 1'IHTOIt
lSIW AWKNDS CHURCH
I
TjJE religious editor
I n.n.tor miiuo n
-SMILE-.-WHILE-
THE SMOKEHOUSE MINSTRELS
of Tlio
rT"" . .. i n trln tin toi
I Booster i.- -
1 nM.dnort this wcolc and tlio
tiMball editor was sont to report tlio
"rnion of Bruce Evans and ho turned
. iua following:
"Quito a bunch was present
Wednesday evening owing to the
Ksenco of a new star In the
hot and tlio fans woro nnxtous
'5 for a lino on his work. Bruco
I . 1.A-n U'ltll tllO KOOdS
I 15 sum ui - -
' jnd performed to tho satlsfnc
j (ion of all present. Owing to
this Icing his .first nppenranco
1 on tho homo Grounds ho wnsa
I little nervous at first, but oh
' wiiiraeed by tho coaches in tho
( 'Amen corner' ho lot himself
J looso and had tho gamo woll In
hand from then on. Ho nmilo'a
i thrco bneo hit on Hell, his Now
Jerusalem slow ball was n poach
and when ho turned loose on
jlctcrnal punishment his Hpood
ms terrific. As this 'was bin
first workout It Is too early ro
; predict a future for liliu, but
if he keeps up tho gait ho start
( ct with, Its him for (ho big
l leaguo next Reason."
. SMII.E-A-WHILE
A good many Coos Hny moth-
Kollond and Crosthwulto.
"Did you over lmvo money loft
you?"
"Yes, I had money nnd It loft mo
cmlck."
TIIK CENTRAL AVENUE DOOSTKR
- 4
Published Every Friday In the Inter
cMs of Com Ray In Geuonil and
Central Avcnuo In pnrtlculnr.
CENTRAL AVENUE JOTTINGS I
Central Ave. to l'ront Again.
Out of fllx officers elected at the
Entered nt the I'ostofflce as Btrlct1y''M1IIlconm CIub tno 0,llor (ln' f0lir
Klrst-Clnss matter; thero Is nothing! woro Central Avcnuo men. The
..,..-! ,. Hnnniwi-ni "..: ""V """" ' .: """ """
v hul anions worso man mo pulp z ,,-"". "" """i euirai Aycnuo. other two, Hen Fisher nnd Ed.
U?" inscription Price. Your good will. i ... ,
and membership In tho Booster Clnh 0II CoIltrB of coUr(JO
V . A1 .. . .
T SMILlv-A-WHILE .
trs loso tliclr voices auying
do that." v
t SMILE-.MVIIILK
'don't
SOME TIME
You will need
A Doctor
A Prescription filled
A good Drug Store
And careful compound
ing. Then remember
That we
Await your orders
And will faithfully
Serve you.
Wo Deliver Immediately.
Phono 74
"The OWL"
Two fully registered Phnr
imiclsts at VOl'lt hervlco
mill?
"Jlotton biiHlncss."
"What Is your friend?"
"A politician."
"Republican?"
"No."
"Domocrnt?"
"No."
"Then what nro his principles?"
"Ho has nono. Didn't you Just near
mo any ho Is n politician?"
smile-a-wiiile
missinu editor
Ol'll Pl.vm.'nmf
Ouo Street. Ono Flag, Ono Country,!
.. ..and One Wlfo nt a time i
OUR RELIGION. I
To Do Good. I
Ol'll POLITICS.
More niiRliiPM.-
"Ib tlio editor In?" ashed the caller
nt tho offlco of tho Hayvlllo
Whopper.
"No, sirs lie's out of town," replied
.tlio nsslstnnt.
MKAX REMARKS op TIIK.)
WATER KRONT PHILOSOPHER I
lent
THIS
boln' tho last wcok ov
mo not havln' denied my
self nothln' oxcept not bavin'
worked as hard ns usual, I 'sposo I'placo wiiero tho crowds go, If
ort to refrain from sayln' nnytliin'
mean about folks. You hear n lot ov
Don't Llko Is. 1. S. Kaufman
says ho thinks Its n poor Joke for
peoplo to refer to his office (num
ber 222 Central) as "the slun of
th thrco deuces", although ho
enn't deny that lila firm Is com- j
posed of "three of a kind".
SMILE-A-WHILE
M'ghl Have Knimii 11. Hrtico
Kvans has transferred his afternoon
meetings to Central Avenue. Wo
could have told hlin from tho '
first that Central Avcnuo Is the
he'd
"When will ho bo back?" naked tho talk anyhow about It boln' proper
to speak only good ov pooplo, but
s far as I been able t'obscrvo, Hints
llko somobody showln' up to pay off
th mortgage on th old homo placo
on Christmas Kvo, It most gon'rnlly
happons In books an' movin' pictures
'exclusively. Also I observe that poo
plo ain't given to spcakln' ov tholr
own cussedncss, nn' If thero wasn't
nobody to bawl 'em out in a fearless
nn' freo press, nobody'd over know
how mean they was.
A follor docs pretty woll nnyhow
to follow th old motto "do mortals
nil nisi boiuiiii," which belli' trans
lated mentis "conflno your knockln'
to th' live onos," an' s'long ns
usked us.
caller.
"I don't know," ropllod tho nsslst-
tnnt. 'You rco, in wrltliiK t.n tho
church services last Sunday ho said
that tho choir rendered tho uppro
liriato nntlicm: 'Lord, Have Mercy
'on Us Miserable Slnnors,' and tho
printer sot It: 'Lord, Havo Morey on
Us Mlsorablo Singers,' and it got Into
tho paper that way."
SMILE-A-WIIILE
Within tho pool's lofty domo
A grand idna dawning
Was shattered wlion ho bumped
his head
'Oaliist Harry Gordon's awning.
, hod (1kaves
smile-a-while
' favorite quotations
' (Dr. Housoworth's.)
i "Tlioro nro n craw of wrotohed
souls I
That stay his cure: tholr malndy con
vinces Tho great essay of art; but nt his
touch,
Such sanctity 'hath heaven given his
hand,
Tlioy prosontly nmond."
sm i le-a-wi i i le
A WISE.'INIC
McGRAW
' "Novor put off until tomorrow Jho
' things you could do today," advised
Frank Cohan In n spirit of philosophy.
"Nover do," replied Will Chandler.
' "I always put thorn off until next
woek."
SMIIiK-A-WIIII.K.
of Habit. Al Myers
1
stay within that rule, I flggor I'm
playln' tol'rablo fair.
' !
I'vo nlwii8 noticed that If a Central
Avcnoo feller makes good his nvlfo
claims slio had ns much to do with
It as ho did; but If ho don'tsucceod
slio nlwus says It wuz bec.uiso ho
didn't do th way slio told hlin to.
Th' Biinio Is truo of follers on other
nvenoos also.
j. .;. ..
Theso hero righteous Amorlcans
tliut criticizes th' Gornmns for sllugln'
I'irreo or iiaiiit. Al Myers says
ho Is t30 tiBcd to tho old liiuno that
when n man called at his offlco
tho other day and asked for prop
erty In "Knglowood" ho pretty
near spoiled a salo by Insisting
on tho suporlor merits of "First
Addition", and afterwards had hard
work to convlnco tho stranger that
they wore tho sanio plnco.
i SMI MC-A-WI 1 1 IjK
D
DONT.
O you foci you'd llko to quItT
Don't!
Got to fecllnc you dou't fit?
Don't I
Do you want to yll "All
lul"
Cnuso your wlnd'n a little thin
An J you think jou'll novcr wlnT
Don't I
Thcro's a kick you want to mnlo?
Don'tl
There's a hcml you want to brenkt
Don't!
Do you feci you wnnt to whlno
I.lko a Kcnulne cniilno
Ami octul bluo streaks down ths
lliio7
Well, don't!
When you boo a chance to duck,
Don't!
When you wnnt to chuck your luck,
Don'tl
Keep rlsht on without a stop,
And you'll duro show up on top
If just when you want to Hop
You don't.
Unknown.
Do yc
wit
WIiiU'h the Unison'.' Harry Wlnk-
'cr has Joined tho small but exclusive
sot that has forsworn wearing hats.
Has ho gono back on his owiihalr
tonics, or Is It just because 'he's tired
of smashing his five dollar Stetson
against the Central Avonuo awnings
whoso height Is so rigorously regu
lated by City Ordinance enforced by
pJnck Carter
SMIIiK-A-WIIII.K
Too Minli Luvu''y, -,jii3. J. Den
nis, special agent for tho Hart
ford Insurance company, was a
Central Avonuo visitor Wednesday.
Mr, Dennis has always been used
to coming Into Coos Uuy on tho
stage, and saya tho chaugo was so
marked that ho slept nil tho way
down on tho train, nnd would have
gas bombs 'ud git huiublod a wholoibcon carried on through to Pow
lot if tliey wuz t' attend n mootliioviers if tho conductor hadn't waked
th' Mnrshfiold City Council when 'him up. Ho Is told Hint tho scon-
re-
TIRES
rn n ,l,st rccc''ved the largest shipment ever
"m un uuus aay.
For Mileage Satisfaction Reasonable Price
TRY McGRAW SEE OUR WINDOW
Marshtield Hardware Co.
"roadway ,i Central Avcnuo. Phono !ll
cry of tho trip Is fine, and will try
to stay ttwnko to sco It on tho re
turn trip.
H.M I M J-A-WH I I,i:
they's n slight dlsagrcomont.
This horo follcr Gormond may or
may not bo n good onglnoor, but thoy
iin !' ttnKnfli un r Ii la nn mnn Mi miln
7 . , ' ;, ., r. , All Sumo A. Mncoln. Tho City
liiiiik uu a kwj, uiui. uuHixa Willi vi uin. .. .. . ... .. ,.
., i 7 .i i jCouncirs oxiiorlcnco with Mr. Clcr
tlinv wnn m iia iinrmotlv fiifr nn
Imntiil intra in t ttitiwl f ulnvii
don't mind usin' a IIUlo slang. jAbrnllllIIl LlncoIll onco tod on m.
solf. Ho was paying attention to
John Uaohmnnn Is Indignant about a young lady, nnd had liocn go-
Hi' now grado on Central Avonooo,ing with lior so long that ho felt
that calls for a fill In front ov his. that ho had glvon ovldonco of more
proporty, nn' appeared boforo th'orlous intentions than ho really
Council th' othor ovonln' to protest, entertained. Thinking It his duty
nKln' it. John says th' reason ho up-'to nmico tno oner or mnrriago
poured boforo th' Council Is because I whleli ho felt sure alio had i)00Iltho castle guto waiting to be remuncr.
!hoyCsetw!rtn their backs ag.i, .fc.'w to expect, but reeling also that 'StiSS.l'Jl?
wall so's a roller can't crnwl up be
hind 'out.
BMILK-A-WIHIK
Vegetables I
Tho soagull swallows anything,
1 Too gullibly ror words;
'Jlut wo can't laugh at him too much, j,8 mind,
For not nil gulls nro ulrdi.
KMIUCA-WIIIliK
his affection for her was not 3tich
as to Justify him in selecting liur
for his wlfo, ho wont through a
long mental struggle to bring him
self to tho point of making a dec
laration. Having finally mado up
ho cullod on tho young
TENDER AND TEMPTING
A full line of the things that you will want for your
Easter Sunday Dinner
Tfiess are the choicest selection of the California mar
kels arriv'ng fresh and crisp on today's steamer.
HERE'S A LIST
Mice Fresh Strawberries Green Peas New Pota
toes Head Lettuce Fresh Asparagus Artichokes
Lnsp Celery Carrots Beets Radishes Rhubarb-
Spinach Caljfcnia and Florida Grade Fruit.
on't Forget we Handle Holsum and Tip-Top Bread,
Sanitary Wrapped. Made clean. Sold clean. Deliv
ered clean.
FRESH DAILY f
Sanitarv Food Store
TIIK AKi:i) HAMMKIt
"Thoy tell mo thnt 'Gono was mixed
up In a bad fycrapo yestorday," re
marked Jim Kollond to Frod McCleos.
'illnii- ilM It liniuinn?" nsknil Frni!. ,
.!! nt .l.nvn.1 In .TnSS Tarroll'q ! ,loVO(1' ho ot OXPOrlonccil
- o-- - -- ,
lady, fooling that ho was going
to muko u grand encrlflco upon tho
altar of duty, ami mudo a vory
formal proposal of marriage. To
his aurprlso, sho gracefully declined
to accept, and Mr. Lincoln said af
torwards that instead of fooling ro-
DO YOU?
put your nnns n round hlin
you used to do of old,
ou Klva hlin IIUlo klssos
ithout Imvlim to bo told.
Do you nnl him It Iio'b weary, do
you wonder at his trials.
Do you wait for him to walcomo him with
tciidcrncDB und smiles?
Do you show hlin you appreciate the llttlo
ttilmrs ho brings,
Tho thouRlitfulnciiB ho shows you ao wltn.
In lha Knto he snhiRs,
Do you tnko him to your bosom, lay your
liiiiid upon Ills hend,
Ah you used to do when living In tho ro
iimnco of tho wed I
Do you cIIiir to him In trouble nnd do nil
you cut) with souk
And euimlilno nnd with chcerlns to help
mutters Joe nlnimT
Do you enro to nmko hlin Imppy, do you
show It, If you do,
Do ynu tell him that you lovo him, ns you
want It told to youT
Sandy's Treat.
HmiiiI.v lind'Just met IiIh girl nt tho
end uf the street, where she was wnlt
lug fur blni. She was looking into a
eon feet loner's window when fandy
uuide bis presence known by remark
ing: "Wcel, Jennie, whnt nro yo gaun to
lime the nlclit?""
She, not Inclined to usk too much, re
plied: "Oh, I'll just Ink what you'll talc.
Sandy."
"Oh, then, wu'll balth tnk n vulkl"
snld Siiiuly, ns bo led her nwny. -CM-engo
News.
It Was Paid. ,
As the gut bill of n "Nirtable" tlu-N-tcr
showing In a provincial town for n
mouth bad not been paid lit the week's
end. when It became due, a man up
peiued on the .Monday night following
to cut off the Mipply if the bill were
not paid ou tho spot.
The doorkeeper reiiinnxtnited with
Mm, Kjlntliig out that the iiiiiuuger wait
ou the boards at the time and could
not possibly leave the stage ror an
hour tho gas man might call then,
"No," sntd the gas num. obdurately.
"I'm going to eiit It nlT now."
"Hold Iiuril," said the doorkeeper. "I
will go and tell tho iiiiiuuger."
Dlsgulslm; hliuxelf In n Iiiiko red
Clonk and n great felt bat with a droop
Itig feather, mid a sword at bis side,
he walked nil the singe with the words,
"Heboid, my lord, the man stands at
The Manager (taking In the sltun
tlonl Go; I follow thee. Iondoii Fun
chair," ropllod Jim.
. SM I LK. A-WI 1 1 Mi
Good Acts.
Let me tonight look back across the span
Twlxt dawn nnd dark nnd to my con
science say,
tiecauao of some Rood net to beast or man,
"Tho world la better that I lived today."
-Klla Wheeler Wllcos.
rnoN-R 21rt
SERVICE FIRST
(Formerly Xasburg's Grocery.)
SRCOXD AND CKXTJUTj
Mangling a Joke.
Assoclnto Justlco Mclleynolds or tho
United States supremo court prernccs
nearly everything ho has to say with n
story. Ho Is ns full of stories ns a pic
nic plo of nuts.
Occasionally Melteynolds tells n sto
ry "with n point so oubtlo that only
thao with n keenly pitched senso of
humor can "get" him. One night nt'n
dinner ho sprang something that occa
sioned not the slightest ripple of laugh
ter. Ho waited n, reusonablo length of
tlrao and then observed:
"Well, at least don't cry about it."
Nobody got that either. They didn'f
understand what it was that they
weren't to cry about. So Mcltcynoldi
added, "It'll como In mnyho by freight."
An englishman was seated next to
Melteynolds, and lib curiosity was
aroused.
; "What do you mean when you say
! como by freight';" ho Inquired.
"Slowly, like n freight train." ex-
, plained Mclleynolds. "They'll get tho
story If they wait long enough, don't
I you see?"
I A great light dawned In the English,
man's eyes. "Ah," ho exclaimed, "you
mean steam packet. Story shipped by
' steam packet. 'Twould bo utterly ab-
surd, -wouldn't It? Uu, ha, ha!"-I)o-
trolt Freo rress.
some cnugrln, nut folt that no
would really havo liked to havo
tho girl, after nil. And tho young
lady said that sho declined hecauso
sho felt that tho proposal was not
sufficiently "spontaneous".
SMI lilJ-A-WH I m-:
COIIIIKCT
Wo do not want our falllngj book
ed When wo know wo havo orrod;
We'd rather havo tliom overlooked
Than havo them overboard.
FUBI) KELM3Y.
S.M I UK VI 1 1 LK
Made Her Pay Well.
A certain iiiccu uf Hanover out-e
ujioii a time when travellut: stopped -il
an lull called the (iulden Coiu'e She
remained two days to reM herself and
rotluuc and receive such entertainment
ns was needed and for the kiuic was
charged .'100 dialers. On her departure
tho landlord besought her with ohxo
qiilous deference to favor hlin with her
patrouugu on her teturn.
"If you desire that, iny dear mnu."
replied her mojesty, "you must not
tgaln tnko mo for your sign."
FRECKLES
Don's Hide Tli'un With n Veil; lie
move Tliom With t"o Othlno I'ro
M'l-iptioil
This prescription for tho removal
of freckles was written by a promi
nent physician and Is usually so suc
cessful In removing freckles nnd giv
ing a clear, beautiful complexion that
It Is sold by any druggist tinilor guar- Geno c'rosthwalt
anteo to refund tho money if it falls.
Dou't bldo your freckles under a
veil; got an ounce of othlno ami ro-
movo them. Even tho first few ap-
Al'ltll, I, .1. I'. MOIK.'AX .V CO,
WltOTE A CHECK FOII OVEK
$70,000,000
Tlio liiigivit check oer iIiiiimi. If
(eiio Crostliwiilt could urito a check
for oei- seventy iiillllon dollurs, tho
cliaiice.s nro lie iiould iiiako a pros-
out or his InleieM In THE SMOKE
HOl'SE to J I in Kollond and Fred
.McCtcos. Hut, us it is, lio goes right
on selling good cigars, and Eli
KOITA.V U uuioiig tho bent.
A gamo of billiards, or your fa
vorite iiiaga.luo may also bo found
nt
t 1 fll-4
Smokehouse
Central Awnue's Popular Meeting
I'laco For .Men.
Jim Kellond
Fred McCIees.
I plications should show a wonderful!
Improvement, sonio of tho lighter
ifreckles vanishing entirely. I
Ho suro to ask the druggist ror the
double strength othlno: It Ii this that
1)11. W. A. TOVE,
DENTIST
Hours 9 to 12; 1 to 6.
Room SOI, Irving Hldg.
Central Avenue. Slurshrielrt
THE OPTISIISIl
Ho surely Is a cheerful mutt
For ho alngs night nnd day,
"I don't know whoro I'm going,
but
I know I'm on my way."
JIM LEAVENS.
SMIIiE-A-WHIIiE
It Isn't alwnys a Coos Hay man's
principles thnt make him behave.
It Is usually Jack Carter or L. A.
Mljeiivlst.
-S.MIliE-A.WHIIiE-
HOW TO HECOME A flHEAT MAX
Keep quiet, my son, nnd bear In
mind
That on your mouth you should
wear' clamps
And some day, maybe, wo will find
Your pleturo on uur postngo
stamps.
FRANK IiAISI-r
Vanophone
THE XEW WONDER
$12.50
PHONOGRAPH
Plays Victor, Columbia, o"r
any 10 or IS-lncli (II ho
records. Como In nnd hear
It.
MARSHFIELD
NEWS CO.
C8 CENTRAL AVE.
(Formerly Frlzcen's)
Wo deliver any inngnzlno
or periodical on dato of
issue, :: :: :: ::
liMaHmMMMMWMais
L. W- JACOBS
7il Central Avenue. lliono 2.10-J.
WE ARE AGENTS FOR THE "DICTAPHONE"
Dew Drop Inn
EASTER Candies, Baskets and Ice Cream
Kvcrytlllug to help make tho Easter Feast a Joyous ono. Htx
kinds of Ice Cieaiii and oilier kinds made to onto-.
Wo deliver two und glvo PROMPT SERVICE.
I Don't Forget Our Light Lunches
S ARTER'S DEW DROP INN
Central Aventio Don't Forget the Light Lunches
You Want Good Insurance
Thfat's the kind I write. Prompt adjustments of
all losses.
Fire, Life, Accident and Casualty.
Iliivu Just added to my Hue ouo or the lending llvo-stock In
Mil unco companies In tho United States.
E. I. Chandler
Coko lliilldlng
Mnrahfleld
Teach Your Children to
Save Money
Itis the First Step in the
art of getting ahead. See
that they have a Savings
account IN THIS BANK
First National Bank g
HOME OF THE SAVER
Marshfield, Oregon
BE PREPARED to show PROSPERITV A JOYOUS RECEPTION
and CONTINUOUS WELCOME. You can't entertain prosper
ity, anybody, or enjoy life properly yourself unless you have muslo
in tho home.
SEE US AT ONCE.
Thomas Music Company
Consolidation of Wiley II. Allen nnd W. R. Raines Music Stocks
OH Central Avenue.
If it isn't an ANSCO
it isn't the best
$2.00 to $55.00 '
Films and Developing
REH FE LD'S
220 Central Avenue Marshfield
Ill'.HINESH PREPAREDNESS
CoiihIhU In poBBCBHliif; tho vory latest nnd boat offlco equipment
iud no offlco In fully prepared without ono of our 42 Coutlmotor
itumlugton Typowrltcr.1. Thoy flr tho shota thnt batter down
j tho fortlflnitloiiB uf old fogy la in nnd bring back no prisoners
plenty of ordorH.
H Seo Mb About Tern is
PLAN TO TAKE
Smmiday Dinner
AT THE
Chandler Hotel
Th& Hub of
a noon menu Central Avenue
Is sold on the raoiiejvbacly guarantee.!