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About The Coos Bay times. (Marshfield, Or.) 1906-1957 | View Entire Issue (May 5, 1908)
THE DAILY COOS BAY TIMES, MARSHFIELD, OREGON, TUESDAY, MAY 5, 1908. innrMJ i ' (a1 E5HSZSHS2SZS25ESZSZEZ5aSZ5aErESHSHFJiaSSHEaSH5ESZ5a5HEajZ5ESI5i!S3E5ZS2 ra 3 fl a a a a a a a a a a a H Preparing a Meal Becomes a simple matter when the cook uses Primrose Hams and Bacon All Groceries and Markets B e5a5HSESZSHSESZSSS3HSHSHSZSZSraS3E5ZS3E5E5ZE2S25HSZS?5ZTCSE52SHS?JIB'' ..it..li.tiiiiaiii.iyy'''Ilr4'l'IIi,,l4I'I I Favor Us and Yourself $ MMHHHHMMUMiiUBMNHHMMMMMlMHMMVHHHNMMMM ;; By buying your furniture here, This is the only fur- niture store in the city where no second hand goods ; are carried and our prices are right too. A fair profit Is ali we ask, Anything in the furniture line to be had here, SOME SPECIAL PIECES of high grade furniture that just arrived are now on display at this store. Come and inspect the strck whether you wish to buy or not, C. A. JOHNSON FRONT STREET 1 wsv COLUMBIA MACHINE WORKS Cavanagh, Chapman (& Co. General Repair Work and Woodturning. Launches a Specialty J 1 r-Dot 01 yueen Avenue, lYiarsnneia ; - THOMASON & HANSON -DIALERS IN- 'May Grain and Feed' Free Delivery Phono 1751 Copyright 1908 by Hart Schaffher & Chas. A. Stevens Coat & Suit I House. Chicago Mrs. M. R. SMITH, Agt. Cor. Fint and B Sti. Manhfidd, Ore. -- 'C Marx With the Toast and Tea GOOD EVENING. X. However hopeful one may H S, be, whether one laughs or ii H weeps, none can make theo it A speak, none can open thy hand ( tt before the timo, oh, mute phan- y. A toin, our shadow! Specter al- A X ways masked, ever at our side, i ii called tomorrow! Victor it A Hugo. A "I have a friend. He's just as glad to see me when I'm broke As when I have tho coin, egad, and that's no idle jokft. Ho's never busy when I call; his mood Is always gay. He is my friend whate'er befall; has always been that way. He would not sell me for a price nor play a double part. Ho never offers good advice, and that has won my heart. You think I stretch tho truth a bit; that such friends never wore. This is all true, but I'll admit my friend is just a cur. "Buckshot. ' Out of Hand. Voice From Above Catch hold of that rope, my good man. My Good Mini Wot's up? Voice Prom Aboe I am, yo-i Billy ass, Tho shade became so intolerable I that Satan had to rebuke him. "You swell round hero as if you owned the plnco" quoth tho father of lies, sevoroly. "Certnlnly," replied tho shade. "Why not? My wife gavo it to mo before wo had boon married six months." "Your honor," said tho attorney for tho landgrabbors, "I ask that tho tS iPt Well Boy's! We're Right In the Game Every minute, don't miss an inning, and when you want something just a little different, and with plenty of ginger, call here and you will never be disappointed Look at this Cut, isn't it a hummer! That's a Hart Schaff ner, and no getting around it fellows, "The Best Staff Made" Plenty of ginger and all "quality" Our Entire Spring Stock at Removal Sale Prices ONLY 4 MORE DAYS LEfT FOR YOU TO TAKE ADANTAGE We are reducing goods all over the house No exceptions We must supply our customers before closing our doors, preparatory to moving So Don't wait too long but come now REMOVAL SALE PRICES on .oar entire stock of Dry Goods Clothing, Gents' Furnish ings, Hats, Etc jury be instructed to acquit. My clients are not guilty." "You speak with a confidence hardly warranted by the evidence," responded the court. "But, your honor," resumed the attorney, "I myself have visited the J scene of the alleged crime, and I give you my word that the land is right there yet." -Mways One or the G.hcr. "But why did you leave your last place?" tho lady asked of the would lie cook. "To tell tho truth, mum. I just couldn't btnnd tho way the master an tho missus used to quarrel, inuin." "Dear mo! Do you moan to say tha they actually used to quarrel?" "Yis, mum, all the time. When it wasn't mo an' him, it was mo an' her.' Everybody's. Why the Blade Is Curved. Corporal Sandhurst was drilling a batch of raw recruits. "Why is it," he bald to a bright look lug chap, "that the blade of your saber Is curved instead of straight?" "The blade Is curved," the recruit an swered, "in order to give more force to tho blow." "XoiiEenso!" said the corporal. "ThJ blade Is curved so as to fit tho scab bard. If It was straight, how woull you get it into tho curved scabbard, you idiot?" Tho Waiter's Preference At n dinner one day some men word discussing tho merits of different spe cies of game. Ono profonod canvas back duck, another woodcock, and still another thought n quail tho most deli cious article of food. Tho discussion nud the dinner ended at about tlm same time. "Well, Frank," said ono of the men, turning to tho waiter at his elbow, who was as good a listener as he was a waiter, "what kind of game do you like bo&t?" "Well, massa, to tell you the trufe, almost any kind of game'll suit me, but what 1 like best is an American englo served on a sliver dollar." Her AVny. Wife Have you any secrets you keep from me, dearest? Husband None, darling. Wife Then I am determined I will havo none from you, either. Husband You havo secrets, then? Wifo Only one, and I am resolved to mnke a clean breast of it. Husband (hoarsely) Go on! Wifo For several days I have had secret a secret longing for a new dross, with hat to match, for summer. That fetched him. She was busy at tho dress goods counter next day. "I suppose If tho fathers of tho na tion wero to decide like the mothers to hold a congress, it would bo some thing of a musical event," remarked 0 --- Dr. Toye who takes great Interest re cently in the rearing of children. "Musical! How do you make that out?" asked Tom Hall. "They would probably agreo on things, and that would make their meetings "pop" concerts, wouldn't It?" replied Dr. Toye. 1 1 Too Roush. A traveler in the dining car of a rail road lud 01 deicd fried eggs for break fast. "Can't give yo' fried nigs, boss," tho negro waiter Informed him, "lessen yo' want to wait till wo stops." "Why. how Is that?" "Well, do cook ho says de road's so rough dat cbory time ho tries to fry nigs dey Fcrambles." Life. Bound to G;t There. "I don't know whether to make a doctor or n liiwver of John." said tho old man. "I'se g.)t a lawsuit to bo set tled an' a leg to be cut oT, ao 1 s'pose I can't miss It far either way." St. Louis Republic. Point of View. Susie Wouldn't you like to be as happy as a lurk? Johnnie -Naw! Think of ths time they hnve to get up. Truth. Wisdom of the Young. "Oh, Willie, don't yer wlsht yer wua a real horse, so's yer could wear a silver plated harness iuste.ul of dese old strings?" Now York World. On His Way to Take tho Waters. Tho first heavier than air flyiug ma chine. Sketch. "The Busy Store" ny-----Q 0 t 6-1 Frank Parsons' thinks ho is some thing of an inventor. "The thing I am working at now, ' ho began to a little group who wert not busy at tho busy corner, "will ho a boon to every family and will startle the whole world. In fact, it will put tho alarm clock trust out of business. Tho idea is simply special ly prepared tablets that help you get up in tho morning. For instance, if you want to arise at 5 o'clock you tako"five tablets; if you want to get up at C, take six tablets; and so on." "But how will it affect the alarm clock trust?" "Why, these tablets will cause a ringing in the ears at exactly tho hour desired " But tho little crowd could wait to hear no more and hurriedly disband ed. "Is that you, dear?" asked a Coos Bay woman as her husband camo stumbling into the house at 2 o'clock in the morning. "Yes," he answer ed sulkily, "who'd you expect?" WITH THE WITS "Your lankweedgo," remarked the visiting foreigner, "it cos so strange." "Why so. count?" "When a man spend nil hees money, one man say hoe's all in. Another man when he has no money say hee's all out. I no understand." Philadelphia Juquiier. "Your father is iu politics," said the stranger, "is ho not?" "Yeh." replied tho boy, "but mom thinks he's getting cured of It" "How do ypu mean?" "Why. bis stuniniick has gone back ou h! in, and ho can't drink like ha useter."-Catbolic Standard and Times. Two girls returning from Sunday school were discussing their progress In tho Shorter Catechism. "1 am past original sin," said tho younger one. Tho other immediately responded, "Oh, I am farther on than you, for I'm past redemption!" A peasant insured his house against fire. When he got the policy, he asked the clerk; "What should 1 get if my house were burned down tomorrow?" "Thiee or four years' imprisonment" was the short and prompt answer. Loudon Tit-Bits. "But can we live on $1,000 a year?" asked be. "Lot's see," said she. "Theater tick ets w ill cost about S'JdO annually, flow ers m much more aud bonbons, say, FUOO, Certuinly we can do it. John, and sae money into the bargain." Katisus City Journal. Wo are now prepared to store your goods. Bay Side Paint Co.. North Bend. ' ssBm V.