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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 9, 1898)
I Eugene City Guard. I. U caufhim.. ri.ri EUCKNK CITY 0BMOM An exchange says: "Machine guns sre deadly on boarders." Ho I hush. Tho reigning style of luonil raiment In Madrid do not appear to Include the mantle of trutli. Those wlin arc working for a new national alllfc mlKht enroll tln-m solves as a branch fresh air society. Franc l In a dilemma. Tho peseta that have gone Incline It to Spain and the dollar that are, not coming Incllno It to America. The Lonoke fTeniij Iiemoornt lay the girls of that town now wear Mtnr spanghd Hhlrt waist. Bound to make the boy see star, evidently. No matter whether the United State la represented at the I'urla exposition at llHKj or not If Parla Beta up a good ahow Uncle Ham will see It A new York paper haa dkMOWfd that the basilic waa on the whole a cotiifortnble place. Now let the "IHnek Hole" of Calcutta bo given a clean bill nf health. There la one column of the dally pa per that, even In war-time, la never printed In large typeyet the "mar ried" annoiiiicementa look largo to the June brides. A Chicago mule run agalnat by a scorcher kicked him Into hospital. Thla animal Is not going to see himself knocked out of the way by tho bicycle without a protest. A scientific exchange aays: "Artificial legs are to tie made with pneumatic feet, to lessen the Jur on the laidy when walking." After thla, lovers will not have a monopoly of "wulklng on air." Pari preaa hoatlle! Americans boy cott men milliner and dressmakers of I'arls. Men milliners and dressmakers ace the ioliit and likewise see business managers of I'arls papers. I'arls pa pers gradually assuming a more friend ly tone. The Iloston Herald asserts: "Tho Dewey cocktail Is comiaised of red rusplicrry Juli e, white maraschino and blue crenie yvette. A rather queer OOOOOOttOA, but the colors appear to he all right." Hut what If color blind ness should follow drinking? There are seventy active volcanoes on the Philippine Islands, ami earth quakes have yearly play -pell In hop ping from one to the other and gayly slinking up the Inhabitants. There Is probably no livelier luud on the foot stool. Esteemed contemporaries that per slst In talking of "the old veteran" can keep right on. After the close of the present war we shall have mint her army of veterans that will have to lie distinguished In some way from the sun Ivors of the civil war. We can call them veterans and refer to the heroes of the 'U(ls as "old veterans." It Is beginning to be plain that Uil war with Spain marks Ihe bagtOOlOfl "f a W inllltiiry eMeh for the (Jolted State. It Is reasonable to believe that for garrison purposes alone we shall need not less than 80,000 men. Viewing the situation In this pCt It I freely predicted tlmt the police establishment of the army will hereafter Is- not less than what It has liecii made for this war al"iut 70,000 men. This Increase will ) consistent with the history of the army, Which shows that every war Ml nee the revolution has left the nation wllh a larger army. A few months ago a Spanish warship In New York harbor required some re pairing on Its machinery, and the bill presented when It was done was two hundred and llfty dollar. The oltlcer In charge told the mechanic that his bill would not do, and ordered It en larged to eleven hundred dollars, so "It would go around." In spite of the spoils system In our own hind, there can he but one comment on such cor rupt practices, ami the nation that tol crates them coutalti the sure soids of decay. The present Is a time of great oppor tunities. It Is testing the prcpur.sln.ss of a large nuuils-r of men. They see Jn-i the openings for which they have waited for years, but they tlnd too often and too late that they ore invt prepared to take advantage of them. Men, and esjioclally young men, are too apt to argue that all they need Is the opisirtuntty. The prepared ns, they Imagine, will cogue of Itself. They find out their mistake when some quiet man who has spont year In thoroughly drilling and training himself steps mi and takes advantage of the opening for which many have wullid but have not prepared themselves. A town Improvement club offer a so lutlon for the problem of pauperism by providing work for the deserving, and If a. lull able-bodied men and women will not work they should not ho fed by charity. Outside work has been reg ulated as follows: A yearly tax of one dollar Is assessed all taxpaylng people and Is cheerfully responded to. With tills fund are purchased for oue Item flower ecd for distribution among the school children. Trite an- offered for the Ix-st display at the anuiHil flower show, and the town blossoms like the rose. The sotting out of shade Uvea, drinking fountains, seats for the weary In parks and In shady spots, and a strewt -cleaning department of children are some of the features of this most commendable enterprise. Altruism ol this sort pays. Three hundred towns and cities of the United Slates, nvovisl hy more than thr.-o hundred tragi-dle of Juvenile crime, have recently ordained that chil dren shall route home at n.ght at the signal of a so called curfew bell, at 8 o'clock la winter: at 0 In summer. The an lei t curfew applied fc- old and rou ii alike; the modern curfew hss only Itoe km iIi r cinhrance of belug uu uvea ML Uouiuuiaut U the oo operative act of parents, who act to gether In cities and Tillages. Nov lu re can curfew Is- cstahlltlicd except ill the request of parents expressed In ballots The law no more Interferes with pa rental rights and Toual llls-rty than laws on compulsory education and child lnlmr. The school and the curfew bell are equally Justified as safeguard of public morals Laws forbidding tin sale of liquors and tobacco and corrupt literature to-minors have long since II hint rated the duty of the state to Im mature youth (Hailstone lift that It Is the purpose of law to make It n hard as possible to do wrong, and as easy as possible to do right. No Intelligent view of personal llls-rty Jtistllh- turn lug Infants loose to piny wllh poison and razor. The most Inspiring watch word of reform Is. "(Jive the Isiys a chance:" The testimony of cities w hich have trhsl die curfew Is uniformly fa vorable. The law bus not destroyed clvl lllierty, nor promoted communism; It has not proved dlllleult of enforce ment, and has been w-ll obMfTMl It has checked hoodluiulsni. A ch'-f of police who Opposed the ordlnunce at first masted as in- board tiie stood) patter of little fis homeward bound, passing his office door at each rlii-;n;; of fife bell. In a time like the present, when the ties that bind nation In friendship nre often stn-tchisl to a dangerous tension. even the slightest manifestation of gissl will are not without influence In preserving unbroken relations. How much more potent and Impressive then must have his-n that scene In the I'lc pas Cemetery on Memorial May when tho American colony In I'arls gathered alsiut the tomb of Ulfayetfe, garlanded It with flower and llstctnd to Um oo logy of that unselfish patriot delivered by the American ambassador. 1'jhiii whichever side may Is- the sympathies of the Trench people In the Spanish- American war, they cannot be Insensi ble to such an exhibition of loving re gard for the great Trenehinan who gave his services to the cause of Amor lean freedom. The honor done the mem ory of lafaycttn was also expressive of the gratitude and regard III which America has ever held the Trench na tion, and out of which have hOOfl form ed "those tinhrouknhlc th-s between the two pisiples" so feelingly alluded to by Ambassador Torter. The custom of celebrating Memorial May should ls--come as firmly established among American colonic In foreign cities where there arc honond dead as It Is In the Dotted States. Americans should never miss an opportunity to show that tho nntlnn NO MnlMn its brave defend ers of other lauds as well as those among Its own citizens. Is-liily should It do such honor to the memory of Isifayetle. whose patriotism was ,,f the loftiest order, lie bad no selllsh purpose to serve. Ba had no poaacaalon here to defend. This was BattOW hi native land nor his home. Ills sole In spiration wa the love of liberty. Kucli uccisslng Memorial Pay should find his tomb strew n with Mowers fragrant trlluites of American dwellers In his 00- live land. Oue of the conspicuous elements of the torslo's value Is the fear which It use excites The fact that Its location I Mettl and Its attack well nigh Irre sistible, says a contributor in Prank Leslie's Monthly, giv es It a pow er of In timidation out of all priqvortlon to Its actual potency, and makes fhs-ts un willing to face It It enured terror and demoralization at the battle of I.lssa, tod biter. In the Crimen Gorman war of 1K71. the Trench fleet was actually frightened out of Prussian ports by the rumor and belief that uugOcrous torpa does had boon planted for their MCOp ttoO. A striking Instance of the effee UTOOaaa Of the kOipodO Is found In the sinking of the Itlamsi Tm-ulada In Chill from Injuries thus loflleted during the revolution of 1801. The whole of Presi dent Pnluinivdu's Meet present had Joints! the Insurgents, when suddenly Ills two swift tarpedO Vessels, the Lynch and t'ondell, nrlved at ValpflraJ. so. They wen1 nrund with two four teen -pounder guns and four torpedo tubes They Itunusllately attacked Ihe Blanco Eneolsda, ami the Ironclad was taken completely by surprise. She had no protective net out, and no guard lsvat were patrolling, while a portion or the crew was on snore. A Her two or three futile attempts the Lynch up preached the Kncalada within llfty yards and dlscluirgid a torpedo, w Inch struck the Ironclad abreast the engine room. Tho explosion was tremendous. Many were killed and the ship keeled ever and sank In live minutes. The tor pedo need carried n charge of about llfty pOUnd of full COttOn Neither of the attacking tsmts was Injured, and this fact and the demonstration that such a charge of guncottou striking a vessel In s vital part Is Irreslsilhlc, con Dined to give to the torpislo a proud MOM In naval equipment and warfare It had not Ivofore vssesed. How the II jr Tell tinier Tire One of the Junior ollhvrs of the bat tle ship Iowa was describing one day "how you feel when under lire the first time." He said "you" felt like lying down; "your" knees weaken; "you" are tlnd oh, so tlnsl and If no one was looking "you" would Just drop and lie there till It was all over. "BOW the deuce does he know?'' ask id one of the men Included In the swooping WOfd "you," after the ensign was gone "He's never lnvii there, has her "Yes," wild another. "Off the coast Ol BoOta America, during one Of thOM little wars down there, he WM Mill ashore In a lsat. while a tight was on between two ships and a shore battery. The light w as Just around a point, and the ensign's crew, pulling hard, sent tic boat right Into It Ivefore he wits swan-. They were under tire for about three minutes." "Well, what did he do?" "He told the men to olvy bis Instinct to lie down, while he Itood up and steered the IsHil on Us momentum through the firing'' New York Com merclal Advertiser. Wind on the Or ntpWn Hills. The violence of the wind on the Grampian hills Is so great that en Ml oral occasion It has brought to a stand still train traveling from Terth to the north. When to Hay m, , . To get comfortably Ottilia; shoe buy tli. in In the afternoon, when the exer else of the day has spread the muscle of the feet In I hcli largest cxu-uL Htorr of a Wastsd Lift. I wa about to enter one of the dining room of tbl city for my regular after - noou meal, when a fairly dred man approached me. and. after considering, he said: "I am hungry; yin, hom-stly hungry. OOO you do anything forme?" 1IU vt.Wttt loot thnt iiriifU.tti tsloc.'iti-d sound which one like without considering th previously Iss-n made I to hear, ami, fact that I had a victim of a OOnbM of his gentry, I tool, him In side, and, as I ordorid dinner for two, I got u first-class chanco to look him over. He was a young man of 144 years or thereabout. Ill face, though grimy, hud a dccldtdly straightforward look, and as he begun to eat I also ob scrvid that he was refined In manner. I was Is-eomltig luterestisl In the fellow for wime iinexplalnable risiMiii, and when the contents of the dishes had ills appeared and he annoum-isl that his appetite was api-usl, I askisl him to take a walk. Together we strolhsl to the Alainisla, when- after sooting our-selvi-s I renturod to ask him what brought blm to Mexico. After 00016- aroMa httftatrim he ropUedi "Mister, I um not umd to this life, and I am hen- Is-euuse I have tried to get a fur away from tb city thut I was born and rulwsl In ns possible. I am the only son of a man of wealth In a large city In the northern jsirt of the Dotted Htates, and I was nilsisl In what Is tented the lap of luxury. I received the very tsst ed ucation thut money could furnish, nnd when throe years ago I graduated from college my father placed his hand upon nj lie.nl and said: 'My son, I am proud of you.' Trom til Uege door I w ent directly In the office of my Mill ers extensive commerciui nouse, ami when I should buve galmsl what the Sild man' culled a knowledge of the hailnM. I would hove been taken In as a partner of the Arm. About this time I Is-came engaged ton young lady who was my equal In everything, so cially, am) the wedding day was set. A few day after the date of my marriage was settbd, an old college chum urrlved In the city, and, what Is natural, accepted my Invltutlon to make our house his headquarters while In town. He was a hall follow well met. and In a few days we were nightly en gaged In taking In the town. One morn ing after Is-lng out all night 1 neclileni nlly met my fluncee uisiti me stris-i, anil she, seeing my Intoxicated condl Hon, pnsscd by me, and the mere sight of her sols-red me completely. That IXtemOOa I received a letter from her, Inclosing her engagement ring, and stating that she did not cure to Is-come a drunkard's wife, bronklng the en gagement. Tor hours I was as a craxy mini, und, when my sens' returned I nuide an attempt to see her, but was debarred the house. I sent letters, messages, Is-gglng, entreating her to forgive me. It wa useless. In u few days i returned to my office, but could not put my mind ou what I was doing, and I took the usual course, tried to drown my troubles by drink. It was but a step. I met boon companion-, who helped me down the easy path. Trom the saloon, one more short step and I was In the gambling house. At first I used to win, nnd I Ml continual ly during the hours of business to bo. found at the curd tublcs. One day I had wbat they culhsl a bud run of luck and lost nil the money I hud. amount ing to several thousand dollars, und In my dcsperutlon I wrote out a check, and, signing my father's name to It, I sent one of the employes of this 'den' to the hank, which cashed the check tinhesltntlngly. "A few hours' play followed, and once more I was broke. I arose from that table, a forger of a parent I mime, and rushing out of the house I made my way to the river wyii the Intention of ending It nil. On my way 1 had to cross a number of railroad tracks, and Just as I leached them u long freight train cam along. IhiiiiiiI whither I knew not, und cured less. I Isiurdtsl the moving curs, and crawling up the sides 1 lay on the top of one of them, and as I lay there my whole life DOOM to me, and In a moment of freiir.y I Jumped from the now fast moving train. Hy eome miraculous reason I esenpid the death I craved, but was rendered unconscious from the slus-k. When I eon to my senses ! crawled und limp, d along the truck, and In a few hours reached a little tow n. Dnoa Inquiry I was told that I was llfty miles from the town of my birth. I sat dow n upon the platform of the station, und glancing at my hands I saw 'our' engagement ring. Again the past came to me, and this time I cried like a child. 1 took the ring off my hand, and putting It Inside of the last letter which 'she' had written me, I look.-d nlsiut for a place to lie down; I was exhaU8t ill ami faint. I had eaten nothing all day, and It was now late In the even lug, In fact, It was tlnrk. 1 went up to the track again, and lying down upon the grass near by I slept the sleep of the weary and dreamed of my home which I had so lately left. I awoke with a start, and found that day was about to break, and as I tried by the remaining strength left In my body to stand up, I heard a sharp whistle, and a train was pulling out of the depot to ward me. Asserting my will p0WOt I started to my feet and ran ns fast us I COUk In the direction of the coming train. 1 saw us 1 ran that It was a freight, and as the cars Ivcgun to go by ine I inunnged to siv a door of one of them OpOOi and grasping hold of a pari of the disr I drew myself Inside. My strength here gave out, and once more I fainted. I did not remcmls-r anything more until 1 oue morning found myself In a cheap lodging 00088) In a city, und those nbout me called mo daft. I was In rags, and as I median Iciilly felt for my letter and ring. 1 found that they were gone. 1 was tUnnd, but throwing all my remain lug BMOOOOd Into action, I started out to look for employment. I searcln-d hard, but no one would give BM work, and I CUM to Mcihsi, beOtfng trains and Is-gglng my food In the hos-s that some one would give me some kind of employment here. That I all." City of Mexico Two Hcpul.ll. s " Where Alfred IMod." She Is a Ivuutlful old ladv w Ith snow white hair and a proud, patrician face. She was making clippings from the day's hatch of newspapers when I went In. nud on the table beside her wu spread a map of Cub. After she had grectid rue she took a pen and ran up a tiny 1' lilted States flag ou the dot that stood for Havana. 'That la where Alfred died." she said of Hy Then I remembered. Fifteen years ago, It must have pcen, there was at school la Men OfteBOi " ; iM-atitlful young Cuban girl Mgnoftta ' Maria Fcruuiidcz. TheM was no more , popular girl In the whole school than H,,.. Ilrllllant and beautiful ns she l WM gentle and swis-t she won the . I tu ... ton! -chistllnati-- I I little wolid.r that -he won inner hearts, too. When OCT h""l dO wen over, and he made u four of the States, noeompauled by the faithful dueuna whom she had brought tr her Island home, and also an experienced und cul tivated American rhas-roii. Hlgnorltu Maria had many suitors, but of them all only 0M that she fla vored. He wu Alfnsl I-, of New York, a man of mean end of parts. Tin- senorlta returned to her home in the fall, leaving le-r heart and her promise In hl keeping, und early In the winter, with lo r s rinlsslou. he fol lowed h.r. um- morning, l-feath the shadow of the tree III the ground surrounding the magnificent home of Klgnor Fer nandez, Mnrlu's father. Alfnsl L - wus found dead, murdered over night by the treachery of u Spanish rlvnl. A mouth luter the beautiful Maria en tend a convent. Thnt Is the storj I thought of when I suw Alfred L ' mother stick u Dnlted Suites dug on the dot that stood for lliivuna.- Philadelphia Times. As the word will occur In com et -a Hon frequently now. It Is useful to ro cull thut Ilyron mukes "Cadiz" rhyme with "ladles." Of the forty-two largest cities In Japan, ranging In population from l,:W0,b00 down to 2ii,ins), twenty four have electric lighting systems. The yield of wheat during the pant year In Victoria, Australia, amounted to 10,400,10 bushels, la-lug nil Increase ,.f 8000,000 bushels over the previous year. The cultivation of flax In the State of Morelos, Mexico, Is Bold to have passed the Bxperlmental iteg d to promise substantial results 111 a com mercial sense. The securities of bicycle tire com panies, which are dealt In on the Lon don Exchange, having n pur value of $:;n,i km i,i hn i and u market value of f-41,17..,ooo a yeur ago, are now quoted nt $i:., '.'75,000. In speaking of the death of a prom Inent citizen u pnpM lu Western Kan sas says that "lie was u lawyer ny profession, but never have we heard a person M thut he hud wronged them In the leust particular." The Chinese make great pot of their gold fish und (nit lent ly teach them tricks, such as eating from their nwn- r's hiiud or rushing to be fed at the tinkle of a In'II. The gold-fish ls-longs to the carp fa in Hy und l aotnetluM culled the golden Clirp. The mllltla law of the Dnlted states were passed Is-tween lUl and 1SI1", nnd many of the provisions now la force are u bit antiquated. Tor Ill stance, It Is still the law of the land that each inllltlamuu "shall be con stantly provided with a good musket or firelock of n bore sufficient for balls of the eighteenth part of a pound, a goOeteOt bayonet, two spare flints, a Ikix und not leu than twenty-four curt ridges," "or else with u good rifle, shot pOOCh und powder horn." The lute Daniel B, Payer weather1 beqoaat of IBOOyOOO to Columbia Uni versity has been paid over to the trus-tis-.s of the Institution. In incepting the gift they signified their Intention of miming the present physic build ing fnyerwe tber hall and of plnclng a memorial tablet In the building. The Svnutlans, who live In an Inac cessible mountain range between the I Hack and Caspian Seas, are probably the laziest und dirtiest people In the world. They have made no advance toward civilization lu J,o(lO years. It Is their Invariable rule to observe holi days four times a week, with saints' days us extras. Bxpert who have examined the handsome Persian rug presented to i,ord Salisbury by Prince amir Knhn of Persia, during Ihe English Jubilee festivities, sny that It Is worth at least 4,000. The rug has been placed in n black frame of massive design and will henceforth adorn the premier's private room at Ihe foreign office, The following unique announcement has been Issued by an old timer w ho has opened a dry goods store at l.nw raOCe, Kan.: "Settled lu the territory nt Lawrence In 1V.7. Stood the drought of 1800. Stood the war of lilts., stood the Quantrcll raid, stood the Price mid. Stood the three grass hopper raids. Stood up for Kansas al ways and am rea.lv to stand up for the United Slates against Spain or any conn try on earth." Price of Si mpe. That many of the common and rnedl um slumps are ofitnlogued too high is proven by the fail that must of those can Is- bought at from to ht cent, to ?f. per vnt discount from catalogue pri.s-s Tor Instance, the largest stomp dealers are offering sets of twenty-live Peruvian stamps, cntaloguid at i ;u per set. In lots of twelve sots fot fl '2. fid. They also offer six sets of forty-one lVruvlun gbMOpa for Q 5a, which are catalogued at t'J 4s. d. pm et Single sets are not quoted. These stamps are from the last lot of remain dcrs Would It not ho In the Interest of philately to reduce the catalogue price of these and similar stanqvs? Round Table. MUunilrrat.KHl. They had eloped and returned the pareatal blessing for Father, DM beautiful young worn an said, "we are sorry for what we have done. Will you " 'Then." the tern old man Interrupt ed. "why don't you go to Uie Inwyw around the corner? I'm no divorce court." The terra cottn looks of the girl with wealthy father becomes auburn or golden as she gnvws older, but the rsl beaded boy remains red head, si until the end of the chapter. A dog can say more with Ida tall In minute than the average man can ex. Ores with bis mouth In a week. HOW SHE DID IT. Olrl fQeOllfs Kind Headlna Method of Making Change. The girl caahler of a Madlnon treet n-staurant was for throe weeks be llev.-d by one of the cuatOOMH to Is- a lineal descendant of Morgan le Toy, and to have some of tin- family traits ,,f Heller, the socoud slght magician. Tor she si-emed to know by Intuition or Instinct or something else what wu the price of the meal he hud coiisuimd. and also Just the amount of money In his bund when he approached to pay. Ha nrst noticed thut when he present ed u Ik", cent check she Immediately laid upon the rubls-r mat n dime and a nick el which she bud been holding for change. "How," thla man Inquired of him self, "did she know Hint U cents would be the correct change' There was no earthly way for her to tell what money I wus going to offer her, either, now Hill sue come lu im..- w. ready without a second' delay or with out having to go to tho cash register for It?" He could not answer to uis own satisfaction. J In- next dny he bought a 4.. cent in. ul, and she promptly luld n nickel ho fore htm, tho 5-cent piece Is-lng the only coin she held In her hand. It w as the correct amount, us ho gnve her a half dollar. He experimented several time afterward, nnd nt last appealed to her for Information. Why." she said, "didn't you ever no tice the tint of your check? Win n I see you coming twenty feet uwny I know by the slate colored check that ion hav e eaten 'JO cents' worth. If you have a red ticket, that warn me that vou WUt to pay for n two-bit meal. A blue one moans 30 cent. This yellow one I, of course, for 40 cents. Tho amount Is printed upon the check, but tho color is my wnrnlng." Ye," sntd the other, somewhnt re lieved, "thnt seem easy. But still my money Is not of different colors. How do you know whnt change to have road1 That's mind n-ndliig, sure." "Not nt all. When you come with n quarter ticket you w 111 usually give mo the oxnet change or hnlf n dollar. I have a quarter ready for you In my left hand In ense you give me a half. Sup pose your ticket Is n .To-cent one; you'll either give me the correct amount or a half dollnr-or perhaps a dollar. With l,r cents In ouo bnnd nnd 50 cents In the other I'm rendy for nny demonstra tion almost." Chicago Record. RECENT INVENTIONS. Hy a now device blind shutters cnr. be automatically raised nnd lowortd ns the sun's rays shine or disappear, a thermostat being attached to tho blind to close en electric circuit and shut the blinds as tho sun's rnya be come hot envelopes can be quickly moistened for seullng nnd stamping by a handy new device, consisting of n water cup from which a wick rises to feed water to an absorbent roller, which turns and dnmis'tis the envelope ns It Is drawn between tho roller and a fixed pud. Electricity Is used to destroy weeds In a new device, which can be used 00 an ordinary mow ing machine, one wire of the dynnmo Isdug attached to the cutting bar oud the other ground ed through one of the wheels, so that If the woods are cut when dump n cur rent of electricity outers each root and burns It as the top Is cut. Imprisoned mluors can lie stipplltd with food und ulr by a newly patented conduit system, consisting of n series of pipes, to 1m laid through the mine shafts, with branch pipe running nound each sis-tlon to lie used If the main pipe should be crushed by n , cave In, flexible conveyors being run through the pipes to carry the food. Bicycle tire can lie automatically lullutid when punctured, by n How pump, consisting of a yoke which en Circle the tire and extends around the rim to supisirt the piston-rod mounted In n cylinder attached to tho rim. The yoke sink lu with each revolution as soon ns the tire becomes soft, und gives u stroke on the piston. Which Is forced bnck again by a sprlug Inside the pump. Ship's bottom can bo cleaned with out the necessity of docking by new ly patented apparatus, which Is mounted on a imall boat or kow, and attached to the side of the ship to bo cleaned, and has an adjustable ladder, at the outer end of which Is mounted a revolving brush or scraper which Is capable of reaching all ports of the bottom of the vessel. Discovery ofllio Phonograph. Mr. Ed l0fl states thnt he discovered the principle by the merest accident "I was singing Into the mouthpiece of a telephone, when the vibrations of tho voice sent the line steel point into my linger. That sot mo to thinking. If t could record the action of the point, and send the point over the same sur face afterward, I saw no reason why the thing would not talk. I tried the experiment first on a strip of tele graph paper, and found thnt the noltil made an alphabet. 1 shouted the words 'Haliool hulloo!' into the mouth Piece, run the paper back over tin steel is.lnt, and heard n faint 'halloo' halloo!' In return. 1 determined tc make a machine that would work ac curately, and gave my assistants In structions, telling them whnt I had dis covered. They laughed at me. That's the whole story. The phonograph Is the result of a pricking of the linger." Musical Aids to Marcher. A French general has Inaugurated a plan of permitting soldiers to sing when M the march, a privilege which has been itrictly denied until recently, it has also tieeu arranged thnt any soldier who can play on any of the smaller mu sical Instruments shall bo provided with such iMtmmont at the expense of tho State. l "gland's Pension Payments. Kvery year Croat llrltaln pays nearly 14,000.000 In pensions, retired pay and superannuated allowance to officers, wurraut officers and others. -III. dcs. number of suicides committal The In this couutry last yeur was 4,912, or shout seven In every 100.000 Inhabit ants. Most p,sple make a mistake In think ing unfavorable ooiuuieut U preferable to no notice at all. OUR BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO INQS HERE AND THERE. Jakes and Jokelel that Are (supposed to Have Keen Heecntlj n.iro-Hjrln and Ioln. that AreOdd.Cnrlon and Lauuhablc-Tbc Week's Humor. Incredible. thought you were going to the "I war Ko 1 was: but the heartless recruit ing officer wouldn't allow me to tnko my bicycle ulong."-Pulludclph!a North American. Troof. Minnie What frauds these beggars are! I met a "Please i'lvo lady." Mamie- Yes; you think ho blind' man. penny who said: me a hcuutlful he said thnt to make really was bllud.-In- dlatiapollri .Journal. Whut Jonuh Needed. s. s. Teacher (Making to impress the necessity of fnlthj-And whut wu the one thing Joiiuh needed to make til in safe? Hrlght Scholar-The eurth.-IIarlcm Life. The Price of Inesperlence. Lady But It seem to mo you ask very high wages when you acknowl edge that you haven't hud much expe rience. Bridget Sure, mnrm, ain't It harder for me when I don't know how? Tld- Blts. A Phenomenon. "it's remarkable," said Senator Sorghum, "how differently DOOpl are affected by Um same tiling." "Iluve you ls-en reading medicine?" "No. I was thinking of my speech. it kept me awoke four ulghta, and put ererybody who heard it to sleep." Washington Slur. 'Twaa lletter Thua. Moneybags So you lost your refer ence. How careless: Boy Not ut all, sir. I wanted to lose 'em. Chicago Inter Ocean. Cornered. Mamma Never suy you can t. There's no snob, word as can't. Tommy Then always seems to lie such a word when I ask if I can have more Jelly. A Sure Test. "It's all right," said Senator hum, gleefully; "I'm getting on." Sorg- "What do you mean?" Inquired his wife. "I um liclng formally ris-ognl.isl as oue of the great ineii of the era. They ore beginning to circulate lust cen tury's uneodotes with my nnme attach ed to 'cm." Washington Star. Dropping Him He Ah, yes, I know worst enemy. She Oh, you ogotlstl Hard. I'm my Probably He Wna Mi v. Phlpps -He's the most bashful man I ever met Qulpps Quite true. I've known him to decline to meet a noto when It was due.- Town Topics. The Actor' Paradise. Booth Keen They say eggs nre Worth about 'M touts apiece In Havana now. Irvlngton Burrett-Ah, whnt a glo rious place that would U for the first production of our now play. llenrt-llreuklne;. Trembling Sultor-Ah, If I only dared to tell you what Is In my heart! Can't you see? Can't you guess what it Is I would sny to you? Beautiful Widow Yes, I think I can road your thoughts. But pray do not speak the words that are trembling up on your lips. Let us respect tho dead. I have decided not to ninrry ugiiln for at least six mouths. An Imponelhlllty. "Did you over sloop In the next north to a snoring Demon In a Bleeping car?" "No, but I've often trhd to." Uurm. Film-Brown hns a typical mother-in-law. ITaiu-I should say she wns n tropical one. She makes It pretty hot for him iouiottuieB.-Clevelond Leader. What the ITaeT "Paw," nsked the little boy, "didn't you say In your speech thnt you expect ed the map of the world to be chanmd oonr "I think I did," said' the orator. 'Then what's the use of my studyln' Jographyr -Iudlsnapolls Journal. The Only (safe Way. "The waiter brought me a cup of cof fee with a Hy In It, and I made him take It away and bring me another." "You did wrong. You should have made him bring you another one and take the old one away." Cincinnati Enquirer. Premature. "That young Rldgeford hasn't a bit Of business sense." "How do you knowT" "Why. he tried to borrow money of papa bef re he proposed to me." Cln clonatl Envjuorar. A I .o. i . . i it it., aiu,... i banyan trial I I.iIa body r- DUtlnrtlnn wlihTn Basnet im.i yu sny n "'"" a stroke ,.r paralysis Z .-Soiirpiia No; I , 111 zed. 11 l J KX Plained. .vim 1 1 r v 1 1 ., , ... sir. by printing my war Joke column? lmuJ - 111! (alitor 1 no. I. . II1(lr(1 thought It was alsiut tint H something really funnt ' PUsl ....... ' - " Why He V, Ma linger fan you pitchy. . Pitcher Pitch g haa; is pitched in Havana on.. every time I curved the hal,i a Spaniard. Denver News Not Card tn Kravllt Vi,n Mrs. rionsowlfe Mrldget tint seventh piece of chllm that jotj broken wlthl-i the past two a,,. i p . i i . t i ,. 1,1 "'lei I hliow 11, 11,11111. tn.d Place wnere i wor-rked thp folk,! nie on anuytning but g.u auJ - BomerTlDe Journal. I la True Meaning i.mie iietinie-i'apa, what don, penianoa moan? i apa -iiopetitance u M)- feeling that comes to a iMrson ifni geis caugiit ut It.- Chicago Ni In l.ove. "They seem to be a very devoted e pie. I should say so. They've heen , . . . , .... iieu uinm years ami hi ill rldeitutan Iloston Traveler. An Artful Man "Your Iiusliund Is so ainlalik-." 'les, he acts that way ItiMlfcl people will think the baby Ulnin mo." Chicago Record. His Itemed?. "I thought your doctor told Ml! you'd have to get out of tsUaad "He did. but I couldn't irranpi nusiuess unuirs so as to De ahi? lot away, so I hud to chauge my dwt the Knew Too Mash. Albert I haven't seen anythlns the papers lately about the daupM i kissing. Winifred Oh, I ulwavs knew tbt was nothing In those stories. And now she wonders why he cold und dlstuuL An l.'neipected HurprUe. Manager You ran overt BUI morning. Moiormnn Put ho was a SimttluoJ Manager Oh; that's different. Increase your salary. I ictrolt Press. Ur Can't lie Snared. Mrs. Hlghfly Has your luwlsdel 1W tllVJ 11 411 mm QMnnmln1rs. Wl I OJIBToW I -Ml ' t 1 1 11 1 1 I 1 u 1 ' t " to hire a nurse for the child! Natural Knoush Fllmore Wonder what h' over Nell Handel? A week t wouldn't look ut Nat Tyres, ' she is always with lilm. trntnnVna' he swapped .. . ... . - make ttl wnoei 1 or one ine muuu Iloston Transcript. V ft llla.M i.irllo'' .SO .SI......-.- n-i 1 11 Wrti nn W" .iiicii ireuiiwcn .... , wld England? Not oaf te ""'' agin It. tlrst, Inst and nDfcU Weary Watson Ain't J' P pride In yer country? T'1" could swipe de rest of de P0"! lie de whole ring if '' ll'wl of n combination. Tired Trend wull--Out die I soon nn Item In a nillS'r da: eMP 400,0110,000 pounds of soap In Lugland. Princess Ku all. '"P IJjM Princess KuLulla. wln "'yJM Spain nt the World s ",l""'w, Hltlnn In (-.l..,,.ro In lS'.'it H" . J 1 1... .1,.. 1 nmricun I'd . k lime is mfl III 1 I II - l.l - 111 UL ,11 - ' 1 i .k.n is her popular IU jspum ,,,' In-law gent. Maria Christina, tli'" " . I I lierseu - , I ' Ml She Impressed hor"H pisiple of this country a ' into liei-sonage. nen o.. , .... . m .. rlttcn in Buierniioii 1111 nun is nl personoges It Is rather lOwj this populnr young aunt of fW . King Is so Uttl known. w travels consiiieraoiy " time finds her greatest dellg ,Tr Pa s ti t....,.. n normaii trave' arm has recently explored u- 1 . 1.., . . . 01 i ningonia. says in." elC aays tnai m cies are developed tnci. .- dlnary degri-i'. 1 ney 1 heaps. In whicn me to his srm-plts. . .ored Co . l(eiKi" " . tbf I I li"" I Hi dlscovereJ cosl - ll, ! -v. people to have year 10.