I
Eugene City Guard.
I. U caufhim.. ri.ri
EUCKNK CITY 0BMOM
An exchange says: "Machine guns
sre deadly on boarders." Ho I hush.
Tho reigning style of luonil raiment
In Madrid do not appear to Include the
mantle of trutli.
Those wlin arc working for a new
national alllfc mlKht enroll tln-m
solves as a branch fresh air society.
Franc l In a dilemma. Tho peseta
that have gone Incline It to Spain and
the dollar that are, not coming Incllno
It to America.
The Lonoke fTeniij Iiemoornt lay
the girls of that town now wear Mtnr
spanghd Hhlrt waist. Bound to make
the boy see star, evidently.
No matter whether the United State
la represented at the I'urla exposition
at llHKj or not If Parla Beta up a good
ahow Uncle Ham will see It
A new York paper haa dkMOWfd
that the basilic waa on the whole a
cotiifortnble place. Now let the "IHnek
Hole" of Calcutta bo given a clean bill
nf health.
There la one column of the dally pa
per that, even In war-time, la never
printed In large typeyet the "mar
ried" annoiiiicementa look largo to the
June brides.
A Chicago mule run agalnat by a
scorcher kicked him Into hospital. Thla
animal Is not going to see himself
knocked out of the way by tho bicycle
without a protest.
A scientific exchange aays: "Artificial
legs are to tie made with pneumatic
feet, to lessen the Jur on the laidy when
walking." After thla, lovers will not
have a monopoly of "wulklng on air."
Pari preaa hoatlle! Americans boy
cott men milliner and dressmakers of
I'arls. Men milliners and dressmakers
ace the ioliit and likewise see business
managers of I'arls papers. I'arls pa
pers gradually assuming a more friend
ly tone.
The Iloston Herald asserts: "Tho
Dewey cocktail Is comiaised of red
rusplicrry Juli e, white maraschino and
blue crenie yvette. A rather queer
OOOOOOttOA, but the colors appear to
he all right." Hut what If color blind
ness should follow drinking?
There are seventy active volcanoes
on the Philippine Islands, ami earth
quakes have yearly play -pell In hop
ping from one to the other and gayly
slinking up the Inhabitants. There Is
probably no livelier luud on the foot
stool. Esteemed contemporaries that per
slst In talking of "the old veteran" can
keep right on. After the close of the
present war we shall have mint her
army of veterans that will have to lie
distinguished In some way from the
sun Ivors of the civil war. We can call
them veterans and refer to the heroes
of the 'U(ls as "old veterans."
It Is beginning to be plain that Uil
war with Spain marks Ihe bagtOOlOfl "f
a W inllltiiry eMeh for the (Jolted
State. It Is reasonable to believe that
for garrison purposes alone we shall
need not less than 80,000 men. Viewing
the situation In this pCt It I freely
predicted tlmt the police establishment
of the army will hereafter Is- not less
than what It has liecii made for this
war al"iut 70,000 men. This Increase
will ) consistent with the history of
the army, Which shows that every war
Ml nee the revolution has left the nation
wllh a larger army.
A few months ago a Spanish warship
In New York harbor required some re
pairing on Its machinery, and the bill
presented when It was done was two
hundred and llfty dollar. The oltlcer
In charge told the mechanic that his
bill would not do, and ordered It en
larged to eleven hundred dollars, so "It
would go around." In spite of the
spoils system In our own hind, there
can he but one comment on such cor
rupt practices, ami the nation that tol
crates them coutalti the sure soids of
decay.
The present Is a time of great oppor
tunities. It Is testing the prcpur.sln.ss
of a large nuuils-r of men. They see
Jn-i the openings for which they have
waited for years, but they tlnd too
often and too late that they ore invt
prepared to take advantage of them.
Men, and esjioclally young men, are too
apt to argue that all they need Is the
opisirtuntty. The prepared ns, they
Imagine, will cogue of Itself. They find
out their mistake when some quiet man
who has spont year In thoroughly
drilling and training himself steps mi
and takes advantage of the opening for
which many have wullid but have not
prepared themselves.
A town Improvement club offer a so
lutlon for the problem of pauperism by
providing work for the deserving, and
If a. lull able-bodied men and women
will not work they should not ho fed
by charity. Outside work has been reg
ulated as follows: A yearly tax of one
dollar Is assessed all taxpaylng people
and Is cheerfully responded to. With
tills fund are purchased for oue Item
flower ecd for distribution among the
school children. Trite an- offered for
the Ix-st display at the anuiHil flower
show, and the town blossoms like the
rose. The sotting out of shade Uvea,
drinking fountains, seats for the weary
In parks and In shady spots, and a
strewt -cleaning department of children
are some of the features of this most
commendable enterprise. Altruism ol
this sort pays.
Three hundred towns and cities of
the United Slates, nvovisl hy more than
thr.-o hundred tragi-dle of Juvenile
crime, have recently ordained that chil
dren shall route home at n.ght at the
signal of a so called curfew bell, at 8
o'clock la winter: at 0 In summer. The
an lei t curfew applied fc- old and
rou ii alike; the modern curfew hss
only Itoe km iIi r cinhrance of belug
uu uvea ML Uouiuuiaut U the oo
operative act of parents, who act to
gether In cities and Tillages. Nov lu re
can curfew Is- cstahlltlicd except ill the
request of parents expressed In ballots
The law no more Interferes with pa
rental rights and Toual llls-rty than
laws on compulsory education and
child lnlmr. The school and the curfew
bell are equally Justified as safeguard
of public morals Laws forbidding tin
sale of liquors and tobacco and corrupt
literature to-minors have long since II
hint rated the duty of the state to Im
mature youth (Hailstone lift that It
Is the purpose of law to make It n hard
as possible to do wrong, and as easy as
possible to do right. No Intelligent
view of personal llls-rty Jtistllh- turn
lug Infants loose to piny wllh poison
and razor. The most Inspiring watch
word of reform Is. "(Jive the Isiys a
chance:" The testimony of cities w hich
have trhsl die curfew Is uniformly fa
vorable. The law bus not destroyed
clvl lllierty, nor promoted communism;
It has not proved dlllleult of enforce
ment, and has been w-ll obMfTMl It
has checked hoodluiulsni. A ch'-f of
police who Opposed the ordlnunce at
first masted as in- board tiie stood)
patter of little fis homeward bound,
passing his office door at each rlii-;n;;
of fife bell.
In a time like the present, when the
ties that bind nation In friendship nre
often stn-tchisl to a dangerous tension.
even the slightest manifestation of
gissl will are not without influence In
preserving unbroken relations. How
much more potent and Impressive then
must have his-n that scene In the I'lc
pas Cemetery on Memorial May when
tho American colony In I'arls gathered
alsiut the tomb of Ulfayetfe, garlanded
It with flower and llstctnd to Um oo
logy of that unselfish patriot delivered
by the American ambassador. 1'jhiii
whichever side may Is- the sympathies
of the Trench people In the Spanish-
American war, they cannot be Insensi
ble to such an exhibition of loving re
gard for the great Trenehinan who
gave his services to the cause of Amor
lean freedom. The honor done the mem
ory of lafaycttn was also expressive
of the gratitude and regard III which
America has ever held the Trench na
tion, and out of which have hOOfl form
ed "those tinhrouknhlc th-s between the
two pisiples" so feelingly alluded to by
Ambassador Torter. The custom of
celebrating Memorial May should ls--come
as firmly established among
American colonic In foreign cities
where there arc honond dead as It Is
In the Dotted States. Americans should
never miss an opportunity to show that
tho nntlnn NO MnlMn its brave defend
ers of other lauds as well as those
among Its own citizens. Is-liily
should It do such honor to the memory
of Isifayetle. whose patriotism was ,,f
the loftiest order, lie bad no selllsh
purpose to serve. Ba had no poaacaalon
here to defend. This was BattOW hi
native land nor his home. Ills sole In
spiration wa the love of liberty. Kucli
uccisslng Memorial Pay should find
his tomb strew n with Mowers fragrant
trlluites of American dwellers In his 00-
live land.
Oue of the conspicuous elements of
the torslo's value Is the fear which It
use excites The fact that Its location
I Mettl and Its attack well nigh Irre
sistible, says a contributor in Prank
Leslie's Monthly, giv es It a pow er of In
timidation out of all priqvortlon to Its
actual potency, and makes fhs-ts un
willing to face It It enured terror and
demoralization at the battle of I.lssa,
tod biter. In the Crimen Gorman war of
1K71. the Trench fleet was actually
frightened out of Prussian ports by the
rumor and belief that uugOcrous torpa
does had boon planted for their MCOp
ttoO. A striking Instance of the effee
UTOOaaa Of the kOipodO Is found In the
sinking of the Itlamsi Tm-ulada In Chill
from Injuries thus loflleted during the
revolution of 1801. The whole of Presi
dent Pnluinivdu's Meet present had
Joints! the Insurgents, when suddenly
Ills two swift tarpedO Vessels, the
Lynch and t'ondell, nrlved at ValpflraJ.
so. They wen1 nrund with two four
teen -pounder guns and four torpedo
tubes They Itunusllately attacked Ihe
Blanco Eneolsda, ami the Ironclad was
taken completely by surprise. She had
no protective net out, and no guard
lsvat were patrolling, while a portion
or the crew was on snore. A Her two
or three futile attempts the Lynch up
preached the Kncalada within llfty
yards and dlscluirgid a torpedo, w Inch
struck the Ironclad abreast the engine
room. Tho explosion was tremendous.
Many were killed and the ship keeled
ever and sank In live minutes. The tor
pedo need carried n charge of about
llfty pOUnd of full COttOn Neither of
the attacking tsmts was Injured, and
this fact and the demonstration that
such a charge of guncottou striking a
vessel In s vital part Is Irreslsilhlc, con
Dined to give to the torpislo a proud
MOM In naval equipment and warfare
It had not Ivofore vssesed.
How the II jr Tell tinier Tire
One of the Junior ollhvrs of the bat
tle ship Iowa was describing one day
"how you feel when under lire the first
time." He said "you" felt like lying
down; "your" knees weaken; "you" are
tlnd oh, so tlnsl and If no one was
looking "you" would Just drop and lie
there till It was all over.
"BOW the deuce does he know?'' ask
id one of the men Included In the
swooping WOfd "you," after the ensign
was gone "He's never lnvii there, has
her
"Yes," wild another. "Off the coast
Ol BoOta America, during one Of thOM
little wars down there, he WM Mill
ashore In a lsat. while a tight was on
between two ships and a shore battery.
The light w as Just around a point, and
the ensign's crew, pulling hard, sent tic
boat right Into It Ivefore he wits swan-.
They were under tire for about three
minutes."
"Well, what did he do?"
"He told the men to olvy bis Instinct
to lie down, while he Itood up and
steered the IsHil on Us momentum
through the firing'' New York Com
merclal Advertiser.
Wind on the Or ntpWn Hills.
The violence of the wind on the
Grampian hills Is so great that en Ml
oral occasion It has brought to a stand
still train traveling from Terth to the
north.
When to Hay m, , .
To get comfortably Ottilia; shoe buy
tli. in In the afternoon, when the exer
else of the day has spread the muscle
of the feet In I hcli largest cxu-uL
Htorr of a Wastsd Lift.
I wa about to enter one of the dining
room of tbl city for my regular after -
noou meal, when a fairly dred man
approached me. and. after considering,
he said: "I am hungry; yin, hom-stly
hungry. OOO you do anything forme?"
1IU vt.Wttt loot thnt iiriifU.tti tsloc.'iti-d
sound which one like
without considering th
previously Iss-n made
I to hear, ami,
fact that I had
a victim of a
OOnbM of his gentry,
I tool, him In
side, and, as I ordorid dinner for two,
I got u first-class chanco to look him
over. He was a young man of 144 years
or thereabout. Ill face, though
grimy, hud a dccldtdly straightforward
look, and as he begun to eat I also ob
scrvid that he was refined In manner.
I was Is-eomltig luterestisl In the fellow
for wime iinexplalnable risiMiii, and
when the contents of the dishes had ills
appeared and he annoum-isl that his
appetite was api-usl, I askisl him to
take a walk. Together we strolhsl to
the Alainisla, when- after sooting our-selvi-s
I renturod to ask him what
brought blm to Mexico. After 00016-
aroMa httftatrim he ropUedi "Mister,
I um not umd to this life, and I am
hen- Is-euuse I have tried to get a fur
away from tb city thut I was born and
rulwsl In ns possible. I am the only son
of a man of wealth In a large city In the
northern jsirt of the Dotted Htates, and
I was nilsisl In what Is tented the lap
of luxury. I received the very tsst ed
ucation thut money could furnish, nnd
when throe years ago I graduated from
college my father placed his hand upon
nj lie.nl and said: 'My son, I am
proud of you.' Trom til Uege door
I w ent directly In the office of my Mill
ers extensive commerciui nouse, ami
when I should buve galmsl what the
Sild man' culled a knowledge of the
hailnM. I would hove been taken In
as a partner of the Arm. About this
time I Is-came engaged ton young lady
who was my equal In everything, so
cially, am) the wedding day was set.
A few day after the date of my
marriage was settbd, an old college
chum urrlved In the city, and, what Is
natural, accepted my Invltutlon to make
our house his headquarters while In
town. He was a hall follow well met.
and In a few days we were nightly en
gaged In taking In the town. One morn
ing after Is-lng out all night 1 neclileni
nlly met my fluncee uisiti me stris-i,
anil she, seeing my Intoxicated condl
Hon, pnsscd by me, and the mere sight
of her sols-red me completely. That
IXtemOOa I received a letter from her,
Inclosing her engagement ring, and
stating that she did not cure to Is-come
a drunkard's wife, bronklng the en
gagement. Tor hours I was as a craxy
mini, und, when my sens' returned I
nuide an attempt to see her, but was
debarred the house. I sent letters,
messages, Is-gglng, entreating her to
forgive me. It wa useless. In u few
days i returned to my office, but could
not put my mind ou what I was doing,
and I took the usual course, tried to
drown my troubles by drink. It was
but a step. I met boon companion-,
who helped me down the easy path.
Trom the saloon, one more short step
and I was In the gambling house. At
first I used to win, nnd I Ml continual
ly during the hours of business to bo.
found at the curd tublcs. One day I
had wbat they culhsl a bud run of luck
and lost nil the money I hud. amount
ing to several thousand dollars, und In
my dcsperutlon I wrote out a check,
and, signing my father's name to It, I
sent one of the employes of this 'den'
to the hank, which cashed the check
tinhesltntlngly.
"A few hours' play followed, and once
more I was broke. I arose from that
table, a forger of a parent I mime, and
rushing out of the house I made my
way to the river wyii the Intention of
ending It nil. On my way 1 had to
cross a number of railroad tracks, and
Just as I leached them u long freight
train cam along. IhiiiiiiI whither I
knew not, und cured less. I Isiurdtsl
the moving curs, and crawling up the
sides 1 lay on the top of one of them,
and as I lay there my whole life DOOM
to me, and In a moment of freiir.y I
Jumped from the now fast moving
train. Hy eome miraculous reason I
esenpid the death I craved, but was
rendered unconscious from the slus-k.
When I eon to my senses ! crawled
und limp, d along the truck, and In a
few hours reached a little tow n. Dnoa
Inquiry I was told that I was llfty
miles from the town of my birth. I sat
dow n upon the platform of the station,
und glancing at my hands I saw 'our'
engagement ring. Again the past came
to me, and this time I cried like a
child. 1 took the ring off my hand, and
putting It Inside of the last letter which
'she' had written me, I look.-d nlsiut
for a place to lie down; I was exhaU8t
ill ami faint. I had eaten nothing all
day, and It was now late In the even
lug, In fact, It was tlnrk. 1 went up to
the track again, and lying down upon
the grass near by I slept the sleep of
the weary and dreamed of my home
which I had so lately left. I awoke
with a start, and found that day was
about to break, and as I tried by the
remaining strength left In my body to
stand up, I heard a sharp whistle, and
a train was pulling out of the depot to
ward me. Asserting my will p0WOt I
started to my feet and ran ns fast us I
COUk In the direction of the coming
train. 1 saw us 1 ran that It was a
freight, and as the cars Ivcgun to go
by ine I inunnged to siv a door of one
of them OpOOi and grasping hold of a
pari of the disr I drew myself Inside.
My strength here gave out, and once
more I fainted. I did not remcmls-r
anything more until 1 oue morning
found myself In a cheap lodging 00088)
In a city, und those nbout me called mo
daft. I was In rags, and as I median
Iciilly felt for my letter and ring. 1
found that they were gone. 1 was
tUnnd, but throwing all my remain
lug BMOOOOd Into action, I started out
to look for employment. I searcln-d
hard, but no one would give BM work,
and I CUM to Mcihsi, beOtfng trains
and Is-gglng my food In the hos-s that
some one would give me some kind of
employment here. That I all." City
of Mexico Two Hcpul.ll. s
" Where Alfred IMod."
She Is a Ivuutlful old ladv w Ith snow
white hair and a proud, patrician face.
She was making clippings from the
day's hatch of newspapers when I
went In. nud on the table beside her
wu spread a map of Cub. After she
had grectid rue she took a pen and ran
up a tiny 1' lilted States flag ou the dot
that stood for Havana.
'That la where Alfred died." she said
of Hy Then I remembered.
Fifteen years ago, It must have pcen,
there was at school la Men OfteBOi "
; iM-atitlful young Cuban girl Mgnoftta
' Maria Fcruuiidcz. TheM was no more
, popular girl In the whole school than
H,,.. Ilrllllant and beautiful ns she
l WM gentle and swis-t she won the
. I tu ... ton! -chistllnati-- I
I little wolid.r that -he won inner
hearts, too. When OCT h""l dO wen
over, and he made u four of the States,
noeompauled by the faithful dueuna
whom she had brought tr her Island
home, and also an experienced und cul
tivated American rhas-roii.
Hlgnorltu Maria had many suitors,
but of them all only 0M that she fla
vored. He wu Alfnsl I-, of New
York, a man of mean end of parts.
Tin- senorlta returned to her home in
the fall, leaving le-r heart and her
promise In hl keeping, und early In
the winter, with lo r s rinlsslou. he fol
lowed h.r.
um- morning, l-feath the shadow of
the tree III the ground surrounding
the magnificent home of Klgnor Fer
nandez, Mnrlu's father. Alfnsl L - wus
found dead, murdered over night by
the treachery of u Spanish rlvnl. A
mouth luter the beautiful Maria en
tend a convent.
Thnt Is the storj I thought of when I
suw Alfred L ' mother stick u Dnlted
Suites dug on the dot that stood for
lliivuna.- Philadelphia Times.
As the word will occur In com et -a
Hon frequently now. It Is useful to ro
cull thut Ilyron mukes "Cadiz" rhyme
with "ladles."
Of the forty-two largest cities In
Japan, ranging In population from
l,:W0,b00 down to 2ii,ins), twenty four
have electric lighting systems.
The yield of wheat during the pant
year In Victoria, Australia, amounted
to 10,400,10 bushels, la-lug nil Increase
,.f 8000,000 bushels over the previous
year.
The cultivation of flax In the State
of Morelos, Mexico, Is Bold to have
passed the Bxperlmental iteg d to
promise substantial results 111 a com
mercial sense.
The securities of bicycle tire com
panies, which are dealt In on the Lon
don Exchange, having n pur value of
$:;n,i km i,i hn i and u market value of
f-41,17..,ooo a yeur ago, are now quoted
nt $i:., '.'75,000.
In speaking of the death of a prom
Inent citizen u pnpM lu Western Kan
sas says that "lie was u lawyer ny
profession, but never have we heard a
person M thut he hud wronged them
In the leust particular."
The Chinese make great pot of their
gold fish und (nit lent ly teach them
tricks, such as eating from their nwn-
r's hiiud or rushing to be fed at the
tinkle of a In'II. The gold-fish ls-longs
to the carp fa in Hy und l aotnetluM
culled the golden Clirp.
The mllltla law of the Dnlted states
were passed Is-tween lUl and 1SI1",
nnd many of the provisions now la
force are u bit antiquated. Tor Ill
stance, It Is still the law of the land
that each inllltlamuu "shall be con
stantly provided with a good musket
or firelock of n bore sufficient for balls
of the eighteenth part of a pound, a
goOeteOt bayonet, two spare flints, a
Ikix und not leu than twenty-four curt
ridges," "or else with u good rifle, shot
pOOCh und powder horn."
The lute Daniel B, Payer weather1
beqoaat of IBOOyOOO to Columbia Uni
versity has been paid over to the trus-tis-.s
of the Institution. In incepting
the gift they signified their Intention
of miming the present physic build
ing fnyerwe tber hall and of plnclng
a memorial tablet In the building.
The Svnutlans, who live In an Inac
cessible mountain range between the
I Hack and Caspian Seas, are probably
the laziest und dirtiest people In the
world. They have made no advance
toward civilization lu J,o(lO years. It
Is their Invariable rule to observe holi
days four times a week, with saints'
days us extras.
Bxpert who have examined the
handsome Persian rug presented to
i,ord Salisbury by Prince amir Knhn
of Persia, during Ihe English Jubilee
festivities, sny that It Is worth at least
4,000. The rug has been placed in n
black frame of massive design and will
henceforth adorn the premier's private
room at Ihe foreign office,
The following unique announcement
has been Issued by an old timer w ho
has opened a dry goods store at l.nw
raOCe, Kan.: "Settled lu the territory
nt Lawrence In 1V.7. Stood the
drought of 1800. Stood the war of
lilts., stood the Quantrcll raid, stood
the Price mid. Stood the three grass
hopper raids. Stood up for Kansas al
ways and am rea.lv to stand up for
the United Slates against Spain or any
conn try on earth."
Price of Si mpe.
That many of the common and rnedl
um slumps are ofitnlogued too high is
proven by the fail that must of those
can Is- bought at from to ht cent, to
?f. per vnt discount from catalogue
pri.s-s Tor Instance, the largest stomp
dealers are offering sets of twenty-live
Peruvian stamps, cntaloguid at i ;u
per set. In lots of twelve sots fot
fl '2. fid. They also offer six sets of
forty-one lVruvlun gbMOpa for Q 5a,
which are catalogued at t'J 4s. d. pm
et Single sets are not quoted. These
stamps are from the last lot of remain
dcrs Would It not ho In the Interest
of philately to reduce the catalogue
price of these and similar stanqvs?
Round Table.
MUunilrrat.KHl.
They had eloped and returned
the pareatal blessing
for
Father, DM beautiful young worn
an said, "we are sorry for what we
have done. Will you "
'Then." the tern old man Interrupt
ed. "why don't you go to Uie Inwyw
around the corner? I'm no divorce
court."
The terra cottn looks of the girl with
wealthy father becomes auburn or
golden as she gnvws older, but the rsl
beaded boy remains red head, si until
the end of the chapter.
A dog can say more with Ida tall In
minute than the average man can ex.
Ores with bis mouth In a week.
HOW SHE DID IT.
Olrl fQeOllfs Kind Headlna Method
of Making Change.
The girl caahler of a Madlnon treet
n-staurant was for throe weeks be
llev.-d by one of the cuatOOMH to Is- a
lineal descendant of Morgan le Toy,
and to have some of tin- family traits
,,f Heller, the socoud slght magician.
Tor she si-emed to know by Intuition
or Instinct or something else what wu
the price of the meal he hud coiisuimd.
and also Just the amount of money In
his bund when he approached to pay.
Ha nrst noticed thut when he present
ed u Ik", cent check she Immediately laid
upon the rubls-r mat n dime and a nick
el which she bud been holding for
change.
"How," thla man Inquired of him
self, "did she know Hint U cents would
be the correct change' There was no
earthly way for her to tell what money
I wus going to offer her, either, now
Hill sue come lu im..- w.
ready without a second' delay or with
out having to go to tho cash register for
It?" He could not answer to uis own
satisfaction.
J In- next dny he bought a 4.. cent
in. ul, and she promptly luld n nickel ho
fore htm, tho 5-cent piece Is-lng the
only coin she held In her hand. It w as
the correct amount, us ho gnve her a
half dollar. He experimented several
time afterward, nnd nt last appealed
to her for Information.
Why." she said, "didn't you ever no
tice the tint of your check? Win n I
see you coming twenty feet uwny I
know by the slate colored check that
ion hav e eaten 'JO cents' worth. If you
have a red ticket, that warn me that
vou WUt to pay for n two-bit meal. A
blue one moans 30 cent. This yellow
one I, of course, for 40 cents. Tho
amount Is printed upon the check, but
tho color is my wnrnlng."
Ye," sntd the other, somewhnt re
lieved, "thnt seem easy. But still my
money Is not of different colors. How
do you know whnt change to have
road1 That's mind n-ndliig, sure."
"Not nt all. When you come with n
quarter ticket you w 111 usually give mo
the oxnet change or hnlf n dollar. I
have a quarter ready for you In my left
hand In ense you give me a half. Sup
pose your ticket Is n .To-cent one; you'll
either give me the correct amount or a
half dollnr-or perhaps a dollar. With
l,r cents In ouo bnnd nnd 50 cents In
the other I'm rendy for nny demonstra
tion almost." Chicago Record.
RECENT INVENTIONS.
Hy a now device blind shutters cnr.
be automatically raised nnd lowortd
ns the sun's rays shine or disappear,
a thermostat being attached to tho
blind to close en electric circuit and
shut the blinds as tho sun's rnya be
come hot
envelopes can be quickly moistened
for seullng nnd stamping by a handy
new device, consisting of n water cup
from which a wick rises to feed water
to an absorbent roller, which turns
and dnmis'tis the envelope ns It Is
drawn between tho roller and a fixed
pud.
Electricity Is used to destroy weeds
In a new device, which can be used
00 an ordinary mow ing machine, one
wire of the dynnmo Isdug attached to
the cutting bar oud the other ground
ed through one of the wheels, so that If
the woods are cut when dump n cur
rent of electricity outers each root and
burns It as the top Is cut.
Imprisoned mluors can lie stipplltd
with food und ulr by a newly patented
conduit system, consisting of n series
of pipes, to 1m laid through the mine
shafts, with branch pipe running
nound each sis-tlon to lie used If the
main pipe should be crushed by n ,
cave In, flexible conveyors being run
through the pipes to carry the food.
Bicycle tire can lie automatically
lullutid when punctured, by n How
pump, consisting of a yoke which en
Circle the tire and extends around
the rim to supisirt the piston-rod
mounted In n cylinder attached to tho
rim. The yoke sink lu with each
revolution as soon ns the tire becomes
soft, und gives u stroke on the piston.
Which Is forced bnck again by a sprlug
Inside the pump.
Ship's bottom can bo cleaned with
out the necessity of docking by new
ly patented apparatus, which Is
mounted on a imall boat or kow, and
attached to the side of the ship to bo
cleaned, and has an adjustable ladder,
at the outer end of which Is mounted
a revolving brush or scraper which Is
capable of reaching all ports of the
bottom of the vessel.
Discovery ofllio Phonograph.
Mr. Ed l0fl states thnt he discovered
the principle by the merest accident
"I was singing Into the mouthpiece of
a telephone, when the vibrations of tho
voice sent the line steel point into my
linger. That sot mo to thinking. If t
could record the action of the point,
and send the point over the same sur
face afterward, I saw no reason why
the thing would not talk. I tried the
experiment first on a strip of tele
graph paper, and found thnt the noltil
made an alphabet. 1 shouted the
words 'Haliool hulloo!' into the mouth
Piece, run the paper back over tin
steel is.lnt, and heard n faint 'halloo'
halloo!' In return. 1 determined tc
make a machine that would work ac
curately, and gave my assistants In
structions, telling them whnt I had dis
covered. They laughed at me. That's
the whole story. The phonograph Is
the result of a pricking of the linger."
Musical Aids to Marcher.
A French general has Inaugurated a
plan of permitting soldiers to sing when
M the march, a privilege which has
been itrictly denied until recently, it
has also tieeu arranged thnt any soldier
who can play on any of the smaller mu
sical Instruments shall bo provided
with such iMtmmont at the expense of
tho State.
l "gland's Pension Payments.
Kvery year Croat llrltaln pays nearly
14,000.000 In pensions, retired pay and
superannuated allowance to officers,
wurraut officers and others.
-III. dcs.
number of suicides committal
The
In this couutry last yeur was 4,912, or
shout seven In every 100.000 Inhabit
ants. Most p,sple make a mistake In think
ing unfavorable ooiuuieut U preferable
to no notice at all.
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INQS HERE AND THERE.
Jakes and Jokelel that Are (supposed
to Have Keen Heecntlj n.iro-Hjrln
and Ioln. that AreOdd.Cnrlon and
Lauuhablc-Tbc Week's Humor.
Incredible.
thought you were going
to the
"I
war
Ko 1 was: but the heartless recruit
ing officer wouldn't allow me to tnko
my bicycle ulong."-Pulludclph!a North
American.
Troof.
Minnie What frauds
these beggars
are! I met a
"Please i'lvo
lady."
Mamie- Yes;
you think ho
blind'
man.
penny
who said:
me a
hcuutlful
he said thnt to make
really was bllud.-In-
dlatiapollri .Journal.
Whut Jonuh Needed.
s. s. Teacher (Making to impress the
necessity of fnlthj-And whut wu the
one thing Joiiuh needed to make til in
safe?
Hrlght Scholar-The eurth.-IIarlcm
Life.
The Price of Inesperlence.
Lady But It seem to mo you ask
very high wages when you acknowl
edge that you haven't hud much expe
rience. Bridget Sure, mnrm, ain't It harder
for me when I don't know how? Tld-
Blts.
A Phenomenon.
"it's remarkable," said Senator
Sorghum, "how differently DOOpl are
affected by Um same tiling."
"Iluve you ls-en reading medicine?"
"No. I was thinking of my speech.
it kept me awoke four ulghta, and put
ererybody who heard it to sleep."
Washington Slur.
'Twaa lletter Thua.
Moneybags So you lost your refer
ence. How careless:
Boy Not ut all, sir. I wanted to lose
'em. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Cornered.
Mamma Never suy you
can t.
There's no snob, word as can't.
Tommy Then always seems to lie
such a word when I ask if I can have
more Jelly.
A Sure Test.
"It's all right," said Senator
hum, gleefully; "I'm getting on."
Sorg-
"What do you mean?" Inquired
his
wife.
"I um liclng formally ris-ognl.isl as
oue of the great ineii of the era. They
ore beginning to circulate lust cen
tury's uneodotes with my nnme attach
ed to 'cm." Washington Star.
Dropping Him
He Ah, yes, I know
worst enemy.
She Oh, you ogotlstl
Hard.
I'm my
Probably He Wna Mi v.
Phlpps -He's the most bashful man
I ever met
Qulpps Quite true. I've known him
to decline to meet a noto when It was
due.- Town Topics.
The Actor' Paradise.
Booth Keen They say eggs nre
Worth about 'M touts apiece In Havana
now.
Irvlngton Burrett-Ah, whnt a glo
rious place that would U for the first
production of our now play.
llenrt-llreuklne;.
Trembling Sultor-Ah, If I only dared
to tell you what Is In my heart! Can't
you see? Can't you guess what it Is I
would sny to you?
Beautiful Widow Yes, I think I can
road your thoughts. But pray do not
speak the words that are trembling up
on your lips. Let us respect tho dead.
I have decided not to ninrry ugiiln
for at least six mouths.
An Imponelhlllty.
"Did you over sloop In the next north
to a snoring Demon In a Bleeping car?"
"No, but I've often trhd to."
Uurm.
Film-Brown hns a typical mother-in-law.
ITaiu-I should say she wns n tropical
one. She makes It pretty hot for him
iouiottuieB.-Clevelond Leader.
What the ITaeT
"Paw," nsked the little boy, "didn't
you say In your speech thnt you expect
ed the map of the world to be chanmd
oonr
"I think I did," said' the orator.
'Then what's the use of my studyln'
Jographyr -Iudlsnapolls Journal.
The Only (safe Way.
"The waiter brought me a cup of cof
fee with a Hy In It, and I made him
take It away and bring me another."
"You did wrong. You should have
made him bring you another one and
take the old one away." Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Premature.
"That young Rldgeford hasn't a bit
Of business sense."
"How do you knowT"
"Why. he tried to borrow money of
papa bef re he proposed to me." Cln
clonatl Envjuorar.
A I .o. i . .
i it it., aiu,... i
banyan trial
I I.iIa
body
r-
DUtlnrtlnn wlihTn
Basnet im.i yu sny n "'""
a stroke ,.r paralysis Z
.-Soiirpiia No; I ,
111 zed. 11 l J
KX Plained.
.vim 1 1 r v 1 1 ., , ...
sir. by printing my war
Joke column? lmuJ
- 111!
(alitor 1 no. I.
. II1(lr(1
thought It was alsiut tint H
something really funnt ' PUsl
....... ' - "
Why He V,
Ma linger fan you pitchy. .
Pitcher Pitch g haa; is
pitched in Havana on..
every time I curved the hal,i
a Spaniard. Denver News
Not Card tn Kravllt Vi,n
Mrs. rionsowlfe Mrldget tint
seventh piece of chllm that jotj
broken wlthl-i the past two a,,.
i p . i i . t i ,.
1,1 "'lei I hliow 11, 11,11111. tn.d
Place wnere i wor-rked thp folk,!
nie on anuytning but g.u auJ
- BomerTlDe Journal.
I la True Meaning
i.mie iietinie-i'apa, what don,
penianoa moan?
i apa -iiopetitance u M)-
feeling that comes to a iMrson ifni
geis caugiit ut It.- Chicago Ni
In l.ove.
"They seem to be a very devoted e
pie.
I should say so. They've heen ,
. . . , ....
iieu uinm years ami hi ill rldeitutan
Iloston Traveler.
An Artful Man
"Your Iiusliund Is so ainlalik-."
'les, he acts that way ItiMlfcl
people will think the baby Ulnin
mo." Chicago Record.
His Itemed?.
"I thought your doctor told Ml!
you'd have to get out of tsUaad
"He did. but I couldn't irranpi
nusiuess unuirs so as to De ahi? lot
away, so I hud to chauge my dwt
the Knew Too Mash.
Albert I haven't seen anythlns
the papers lately about the daupM i
kissing.
Winifred Oh, I ulwavs knew tbt
was nothing In those stories.
And now she wonders why he
cold und dlstuuL
An l.'neipected HurprUe.
Manager You ran overt BUI
morning.
Moiormnn Put ho was a SimttluoJ
Manager Oh; that's different.
Increase your salary. I ictrolt
Press.
Ur Can't lie Snared.
Mrs. Hlghfly Has your luwlsdel
1W tllVJ 11 411
mm QMnnmln1rs. Wl I OJIBToW I
-Ml ' t 1 1 11 1 1 I 1 u 1 ' t "
to hire a nurse for the child!
Natural Knoush
Fllmore Wonder what h'
over Nell Handel? A week t
wouldn't look ut Nat Tyres, '
she is always with lilm.
trntnnVna' he swapped
.. . ... . - make ttl
wnoei 1 or one ine muuu
Iloston Transcript.
V ft llla.M i.irllo''
.SO .SI......-.-
n-i 1 11 Wrti nn W"
.iiicii ireuiiwcn .... ,
wld England? Not oaf te ""''
agin It. tlrst, Inst and nDfcU
Weary Watson Ain't J' P
pride In yer country? T'1"
could swipe de rest of de P0"!
lie de whole ring if '' ll'wl
of n combination.
Tired Trend wull--Out
die
I soon nn Item In a nillS'r
da:
eMP
400,0110,000 pounds of soap
In Lugland.
Princess Ku all. '"P IJjM
Princess KuLulla. wln "'yJM
Spain nt the World s ",l""'w,
Hltlnn In (-.l..,,.ro In lS'.'it H" . J
1 1... .1,.. 1 nmricun I'd
. k lime is mfl
III 1 I II - l.l - 111 UL ,11 - '
1 i .k.n is her
popular IU jspum ,,,'
In-law
gent.
Maria Christina, tli'" " . I
I lierseu - ,
I ' Ml
She Impressed
hor"H
pisiple of this country a '
into
liei-sonage. nen o.. ,
.... . m .. rlttcn in
Buierniioii 1111 nun is
nl personoges It Is rather lOwj
this populnr young aunt of fW .
King Is so Uttl known. w
travels consiiieraoiy "
time finds her greatest dellg
,Tr Pa s
ti t....,.. n normaii trave'
arm
has recently explored u-
1 . 1..,
. . . 01
i ningonia. says in." elC
aays tnai m
cies are developed tnci. .-
dlnary degri-i'. 1 ney 1
heaps. In whicn me
to his srm-plts.
. .ored Co .
l(eiKi" " . tbf I
I li"" I Hi
dlscovereJ cosl -
ll, !
-v.
people to have
year 10.