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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 21, 1898)
Eggene City Guard. I. I a m i 11 r i i rr.rrlitor. KUOKNE CITY. ORKUON The I'nlted Htntea I o big that she ranno afford to act small or feel binall. Katnl nrlz. fluhts continue to enable the undertaker to atiow bla skill ua a boxer. Ilcturcaoiio language might Jimtlfjr the remark Hint the power lire tearing Uhlnu In pieces Joint from Joint. War cloud never take on their hlnck est character till they are nddwl to by the Miioku of burning gunpowder. That big territorial imrtltlon In China is vastly diffident from what la known M the (.rent Divide In thla country. In view of the fact that cashiers are breaking banks o niildly. It would bo a Kd Idea to tuako thu prisons stronger. An Ohio law forbid tho mnrrlnge of Ihsnno person. Those who aro "madly In love" will have, to get married out aldu of the Ntate. A Connecticut gardener clnlma to have perfected an odorless onion That fellow should try to luvvnt a nolsolc firecracker now. Pcrhupa It can Xm taken aa nn cvl deuce of nut: Npuhlsh filling that many people are not amoklug genuine II. n aim clgara. eotntrdcnce that tlov. Tyler signed the bill on I.lncoln'a birthday Feb. 12 and the company wax organized to car ry It Into effect on Washington's birth day Pe-b. 22. The head of the own patty la Ocn. Horatio 0, King of S'.w Vork and the vice president la Col. W. II. Taylor, who wax Lee's adjutant gen eral. The grounds are to Is- marked so aa to ahow the ixmttlon of each corps, dlvlalon, brigade and regiment at ev. ry stage of the battlea fought iiK)ii them, while the spots where leading officer Were killed will Is- designated by ap propriate rnoiinmciits. The great but tlellelds of the war are now nearly all of them parks, open to visitors, and some of them, like that at li.-ttysbiirg. aro cajaflnlly attractive. A later naval notion la an alrahlp carrying dynamite munltlona. Its use only proposes to drop the torpedo ua a nuvul resource one way. Itost.m women Inalst on wearing high Tints In tin- thc-nt.TH. Mining, ly enough the men who ure "behind tho women" aro opposed to this aelivmo. Mrs. ItoLcrt l.oiil Htevenson says she sees no retiHon why a woman may not amokc cigarettes. Hhe can llnd women Who will not r.-ruse to hack 'er. The Ohio Legislature has refused to pnss the I n rk.-r bill restricting mar rlage. Tim Legislature, been tine It wna In favor of a tie, refused U iiv on thla measure. The stranger who climbed an electric light pah) 111 the buslm-Ms district the other night and MflalMd to a poMpa man Ihut he "wus going up to heuvoti" pTonniy was ulso light at the upper i mi. A London letter says that Iludynrd Kipling soundly spanks his son when over the lsy tells n bnd atory. The youngster csenpex pretty lightly; sup pose he were spanked every time hi fulher tells such a story. The t'Hy IH. r.i coroner" Jury fl I lhal Postmaster Maker came to Ills death lit Hie hands of parties III! known to the Jury. That Jury might to take n duy off and get U tter acquaint ed with thu leading clllxciia of the town. It la reported that when a freight train was derailed on the llurllngtoti Mud, one car. loaded with eggs, rolltxl completely over, and landed In a ditch without hreaklng a elngle egg. Till reads like a "wild and wisdly" story, but It may well call attention to the ex traordinary carefulness with which eggs are now handled and packed for traiisKirtallon. Agriculture hn la-en called "reck leu gambling on the weather." Cer tainly this characterisation H deservisl when men umikllhs in the llrst prlu clples of tilling the soil lietake them selves to unfamiliar climates and ex perlmeut. Yet, aa all wealth la tl.o frtlltof the soil and all Industry Is has xl upon the results of the M,r of hu bandmen, the clement of cham may Is- considered u a small factor In the problem. The man who conducts the business of fanning with the same en ergy and skill as the successful mar. chant or nrofsaeloiial man will reap thi amin- measure of reward. The time hn passed (If It ever exlsledi when fortunes were made by unskilled own er of amnll farms In Florida or Call fornla. Today such I holding means in general the raising ()f only one class of product, and that peculiarly liable 10 iH-rtsii tiy nlmospherlc changes, in the middle Welsern Slates farming 1 recognlxed as a well regulutel business, carried on under known condli Ions of Production ami n recognition of perma nent market demands, diversified ng rteiillure In the teiniM-rate climate kaa passed entirely out of II gperlmentul, ss-i limine stage ami be come a norma ueiilly productive Indualry. THC QUEEN'S ISLAND. When Briton' lona flrit came aabore To ttl on their laland gray, Each una cam Ibiided with a acore Of things h needed every day. Each brought a trap, to catch Joke with a WHHII to nuiuie lliriu. Thay fetched om "atuae," to weigh folk with, And "guinea" to confuse them. And every man, of this brave hand, L'cn 1 ) I : MIm u I . . . ii I,,, uti.a.ii I... Showed proudly, ax he stepped on laud, A copy or "Burke's Peerage." He brought a Isiok of "precedent," To shape each thought and uctlou, And laatly, a full complement Of culm self tatiafuctlon. And when the Ilrlton looked aroui.d, Kor the last time to change things. The month were "quite bud form," found, "Kgad! We'll re-arrange thlnga." "Ool Flippant April, gaudy May, . Juue, August and July, too, Your trivial continental way We fain would suy goisl-bye to." September smiled, but fured a ill, Octola-r did no Is-tter Then came November, dull and chill, Hhe suited to the letter. 'Hie banished month are seen no more, I don t know where they went to, May hap they sought Columbia's shore, W here most outcasts nre snt to. Hut this you'll find, to your dlsmny, In Kiigliuid, If you stay, lr. When March no longer doth hold wny, November doth replace her I -Pbiliatlne. A TEMPORARY POLICEMAN. Mark Twain, following the noble ex ample of Sir Waller Keolt, Inks devoted nil his gains for several year to the pay uieiit f what Ills creditors were dl Iso.nl to regard as 'Mend claims." The English papers are lavish In their up pluuso as If this kind of honesty were a rare virtue. Perhaps It la rule; but then, more' the pity! Creditor should forgive as they hope to lie forgiven; but no debtor should let himself off easllj, unless he Is willing to take the risk of moral bankruptcy. Year after .war comes news of lives and property destroy,-,! by Hi,, rising of our river. These Hoods an- as regular aa spring Itself, , y,. houses and factories are built along the river banks tw cohlldchtly a though frmhets were rare cutuclysui of nature, like earth quake and eruption of rolcanoo. Men are pro ei blallj Incapable of prolltlng by the experiences of others bin to prollt by their own Is not U'vond their s.wer, mid It doc seem thnt. When a high water mark has once been MteblMMd, It ought to give it hint for at h ast a year. The nsple of tlio Pulled Ntatea are Wealthy and have faith lu the govern incut. Those two facta arc enow n In the report of the comptroller of the currency, which states that the Imll vldual deposltM in t. national Iuiiiks now aggregate more than 91,000,000 M0, bttug the largest amount ever r OOnlad III the history of ihoH(, uMt.t. Hon. This statement do(s not take In to iicetiiitit the depoalta In State an. I prlmie banks, nor the Immense stilus Immn to be held by sailngs lmuk. When these are ad. I, si the wealth of the 1 tilt. si State Is si-en to Itv truly enormous. The best Hewn In regard to Alaska Is that tin exploration of the territory Us now batOI made by thrw exps.ll tlons under the control of th,. I'nlt.sl States (icologlcil Suney. Thla U fur more to the punoso than the acrain Mc all. i gold. The region west of the Klondike, tlm Tauana Ulver basin and the InttHor, reached by way of Cook Inlet, will lH. examined, and urtny ur - also win i. carried rorward. The aclentlllc discoveries made and official I i, awwiWN ill airert mucli of the travel to the Klondike to our own mill. A a matter or fact, we know little deliultely alsiut the r,tourre of Ala ka. The laliors of Um Ocologleal Sur vey will U- of great value to the pli'. Knghmd has bun a ,,), of netanti NkfDflB thnt, If carried out, w ill do mneh to relieve the p, nal system of that (s,Uii try of much severe criticism, lu few clvlllxsl countries has the tr. -a Tiii, lit of convicts han more dciiroNMlmr nnnn the Individual prisoner than in Kn gland. This has I n dm- not ho much lo hard Usage, which has bM exceed ing rure, n to tin- fact that the prN r Ml considered as n machine nn tier which "he ran the risk or is lng brutnll.isl not, Ind I, by cruelty, which was very rare, but by the mere rorce or the routine system lo w hlcli he must submit." Kvery prlaonw wnji treal.sl In exactly the same way. The new rules "are framed on tin- assnoo.. lion that criminal habits are, In many cases, curable, and that In the treat MM "f crime, as of other diseases. Iso lation Is essential." The worst fault In the old ayslein, the mingling together "f age and youth of the novice In crime ami the habitual criminal has been wholly eliminated. Prisoners are, III future, to Is- divided Into llir las es llrst, those convicted of serious crimes ami the habitual criminals sec olid ,the llrst offenders, and. third, those who are sentenced for terms of It's than a year for minor erl IIIOM i.r inla. (to mat Dora. This ciassim nn,,,. Ilshes u middle course of treatment, boot hair mg betwaao the old Kn- gllsh system and the bizarre Ideas that bAT been put lu txractlva at RlfkiiM in we Mate or .New York. Pnder the new n-glme In the ICngllsh irlson some will be savisl from lapsing Into a life or crime ami certainly the modlflet tloim pTOpOaad will have a hiimanl.lng effect BpOO thu less hiiKlciicd convicts generally. T: In time or war, nations which mwi lighting arc known us Is-lllireMnta nations which are at pamca us neutrals. t inter the law or DaUOQa, neutrals are UOder Obligation to keep out of the war " selves, ami not to render Improper assistance to either side. What un known as neutrality acts ln,M.se ien allies of Hue or Imprisonment upon cltlaeDI of any neutral country who en lists lu foreign service, or lit out vo.x sels ofwar, or organize inlltttirv expe tllilons against M frlcmlly (wte, Lug land has stringent neutrality ws. n,l so i n as the Pulled Sinbss iovoriiiiient ls fooeer I, N also Isuiml b whal -lie caJled the Three Rulet of the Treaty of Washington, under wlih h the Chtlmi for damages for the losses Indicted by the Alabama and other private,-! dur ing UM civil war were submitted to International arbitration. The tirst of these rules ImpOMM ail obligation to use due diligence In prev Ing the arming equipment ami departure from an i.-,...' UaO Mrt of any Vessel designed lo cruise or curry on war against the Pnlt ed Stales, l'mlcr the second rule. Bug land stnnds pledged not to permit or suffer either balllgerenl to make use of her port! or waters "as the hue of tetl operations against the other or for the purswo of the renewal or nug mentation or military supplies or arms or the recruitment of n." Pnder the third rule, due diligence Is enjoined for ue prevention r any violation ,.r theae aentraJ obligations. These rnka do not rorbld a aeUtral nation to sell arms. Other military supplies and cool to n balllgerenl in time or war. itut the vessels or either nntleo oouM tetar on the high seas all such stores Intended for (he country with which It wa at war. The battleUeld of Fredericksburg, the Wilderness, ChuiieelloravtlU aud 8Ktlsyluiila, In Virginia, aro to be com, i ted into a national purk.lhe Leg Ulatureor Virginia having paaeed a bill aulhorlalng the forma thin ui . puny fur that purpoae. It la a alngular J Artificial llcauty l.nws. Pnrliig the reign of Clinrle II. In Kn gland, laws with regard to artltlclai aid to lcanty were very strict. It Is interesting to note this curious act of Parliament which was paxscd In the year MM "i hnt all wotnen. ,f what ever age, rank, profession or degree, whether virgins, maids or widows, thnt snail, uricr the passing of this act. Intpeee upon and Mrav into uiatrf mony any of his Majesty's male sub Jaeth by acenl, pelnto, coainetlca, washes, artltlclai teeth, false hair, gpai Ish wool, Iron ata.vs. hoops, high heeled ahOM or Ndslere,! hl, shall Im-ur the ls-nalty of the law now In force against witchcraft, aorcerv and such 1 1 U . . m. ..... I mw losoeiiieiinor. and that the mar rlage, upon com ictlon, shall stand null and void." Bl clock In a neighboring church had struck one but a few minutes before. A Isdlci-mnn wn leaning over the fence on the river aide of llasset strs-t, staring out into the darkness. He heurd a door slam Im hind bin, and, turning around, anw n boy coining across the street. "Ia that you, Peter-" the poUeejnan Inaulred. "What are you doltnr out door at this time of night V" "That screaming out on tho river woke me up," said Peter; "bo I slung on my clothes and come out to see what was goln' on. What do you supose Is me matter, Mr. Fitzgerald 7" "I don't know," said the officer. "It Boumhsl like a drowning " lleii' lie was interrupted by n aerie or cries fur out on the river. He and tin- bog looked at each other. "Klther someone's drowning or some one's making believe drown," laid Fitz gerald. "Hut I can't stand it any long er; Pin going out there. There's one thing certain, though, and that I If that feller' only making believe drown he'll get a good thrashing ls-fore ten min utes are over." The policeman took off hi coat and trousers and began to unlace his Isiots. "Arc you going to awlin out there?" Peter naked. "Of course, I nm. Did you think I wua going to church In my under clothes? Now, Peler, I want you to do something for me. You take thee clothes of mine down to the atatlou house No. 1 4, you know. The tides running out strong, ami If I swim out to the fool over there I'll Slirelv ief MIL rhsl as fur as the station house before I gel back to shore If ever I do get lank. I wish some of von folks l a boat Now, don't drop anything from tin- pocketa." The screaming Is-gnii ngaln. "Help, oh. help!" could be distinctly beard. "Keep up, old feller! I'm coining"' called ntagernld lu n voice that must have Waked every sleeper In the neigh Isirhoisl. He climbed the fence and sbM.il on the stone wall Is yond, looking down on the river ten feel below. "All right, I'm coming!" in- called out again, aud then he Jumped Into the water with a great splash. Peter watched lllm plow through the black i V h "i . till I... , , , (, disappeared from sight, and then turned to pick up his burden. Peter wa U and huge for his age but when he started on his Journey he found the clothes a very uncomfortable load. The shoes also were BOOrmoUaly large and heavy. He stopsl and tied them on olltshle his own shoes. They went oil very eoiufortahlv n. i - .... ,ji,-. them up ami pursued his way much more eaally than before. Bnddonb a thought struck him. Why should' In not put on the coat and trousers as well as the IkxjIs? They would Ik- much easier to carry when he had them on and what an Imposing appearance lie would present! He pulhsl on the troti scrs, tinned them up alsmt half a root I lit the bottom) shirt.sl his suspenders from dl. ..I.I li. " ""o.scm ui new ones put on the blue ciat with It thick pad ding and glorious brns buttons, set the helmet on top of his cap, strapinsl on tile black belt w ith the blllv In u u- ; Joy to carry a billy. If only fr n few t minutes. He pulled It from the ls-t and belabored a few Imaginary heads He really fell hlmseir to be a pollce- mnn, eo far as appearance went, a to courage, sir.,- ami itrength, he folt thnt ne was minuy up to his isisltlou. As soon us he was started on his trl nmpbal progress be began t, axplora bll iH.ckels. In the trousers he found a dirty handkerchief, a bunch of keys, a liver dollar, a Ismk of rules and regn latlons of the notice force 11.. this Ismk under a lamp pool and read one of the rules Article IT. It shall tH. the duty of tVOrj man on the rorce when asked by a stranger or other s-rson tin- to any point In the city to direct such Be " letlnllely and politely to the point deal red." "I'm afraid I shouldn't know where it was," said IVter to himself. "I doO'l believe many strangers or other crsons will aah me any iiiestlons to night." lu Hie breast svket of the OMt there was a revolver. Peter took it out ami lookisl at It. but to tell the truth 1... .... a little afraid of It. so he put It back again. He felt something BOB try the taint of hi coat, and w hen, after some difficulty, he had found hi coat tall pocketa, in- (Uncovered in one of them a lalr of handcuffs. With a billy, the re volver, the BOOh of rulea and the hand- I cuffs be felt himself a match for a ' w hole gang of thieve. Ill high spirit, however, did not last 1 hn. It wa very lonely In the atrveta ' oi a city at l o'c l.u-k in ii,.. ttisn it ta In t... iU.i,..i.v At snv rate MJ ,. IUU LUUUII. - - . It seem mora silent, for roll feel that the city ought to be noisy. Peter grew nerrou. He wa not Ued to being out alone after midnight. HI great shoe seemed to make a tremendous n ' lh- shloMMllr li. . 1 ...i'ii ti tit rcmi-mbi-r Htorle In tho newspapers about bow policemen had been auulted by pur tlea of roughs He wondered If there were any pur tte of rough lying In wait for him. He tried to gather courage by flourishing nis limy, hut somehow that dldn t ecm to make him much braver. The moon kept coming out from one cloud and go Ing behind another the cloud necmed to Ijo mailing across the sky In a very unnatural way. At last the moon went behind n lurge cloud and did not conn out again. Peter wished It had stayed I. von the moon wns sum mpalii De He would have run If he could, but his "hoes and clothes were so clumsy that It wua out of the uuestlon. He kept thinking about nartles of roughs so much that he felt that he must huv something to distract attention. He Htoppod under another lamp ct and opened the book of rule again. This HUM be lighted on the following pas sage; Article 21. No inemls-r of the force Khali receive u is-ciiulurv coiiiim-iisuI Ion for doing his duty." I eter kept reoeatlne this until In knew It by heart. I 'iifortunately In found he wna thinking of the roughs, too. He recollected that he had sis-n I'lt.goruld trying the disirs of shop to ee If they were ail locked. So he be gun to try them without any deflnlb Idea of what he should do If he round one open, lie trh-d ten of them nml they were all locked. Then In- renieni IhtisI that Fitzgerald must have tried them already, so be did not try any more. 0b, If he could only run! It was so lonely, and he hud not gone more than half way. He found n little kitten nwleop on a doorstep. He plekisl It up ami sbssl for some time stroking It, while It purred softly. Then be would have Uked to carry It to the station houat- for company, but the raw little thing might get lost, nnd, beeldeo, It wn hardly digniiu-d forn policeman to curry a kitten so a not to Is- afraid! Ah, what was that noise? He put the kitten dow n and llstemsl. ii. I., i . ... em eoiini near n ateattliy Hsitstep coming along the other side of tin street. He stole Into the dark hiillwm of the shop and looked with all his eyes while his heart beat iih If It would break his ribs. The stops came near a lamp ist and then he could see that there were two men Instead of one aa he had supposed. One of them hid him self lu ii shadow on one aide of a shop that was still lighted and the other crawled across the front of the shop on his hands and knees, and concealed himself In a doorway on the other side. I hen they Isjlb waited perfectly still and Peter waited, too mo shop was rather n large one. A great sign hung over It, with the lu scrlptloli, "PhlllellH QoUkt .lewelrv . . " ' r ami silverware; and "Money to l....,i, was painted across the windows. .With cr Peter nor the men hud long to wait. In less than ten minutes the I llit was put out. Then Peter could hear a ralnt tootatep inside the simp, eod inomenl later n man came out, locked the door ami marten aown the treet. The rd low behind him b-rt hi place of con cenlment nnd crop! after him, Th shopkeeper beard him ami turned around. At the same Instant the se, omi man also leu his hiding place, nml isith sprang upon their victim and uirew nun down. . h lent ,,., ... them Covered hll mouth In some wnv for. though he struggled violently, h did not cry out for help. Peter was not especially I, ray.. I,i i.. could not allow a man to h,, assaulted mid possllily murdered ls-fore his ev w wwu i ii iiiik iii pievcui it. in. cotir age of dcsiierntlon -.el.,.,! hltn. nml I, sprang across the street to the rescue. crying: "Let alone of hltn!" A he ran he drew his revolver from nis iMM-aet ami tired It several times In the nlr, feeling Hint he might as well die now as any time. One f the men uirncd and ran when he saw what h Mill ii iir.uiu, ,n,i 1,1 .. sii.i,isei I,, (, !, -iii.i-i oi uie law Win w-ii.1 ,.,!i . I . , . .... I mi (II : ugnt. The other tried to follow his comrad lint I!, .nl. I ...I... .!! ..... 1 "eu mat help wai at nami, held hltn till Peter arrlv.sl It was rather hard for Peter to ascertain U 111, ll IL-llll III., I. ...... I... .... 1 ... ' J- ici nun winch w as UN thief; Hut. Judging with much ia gncity mat the man with the nocktl must be Mr. OouW, he began tn tap iuvwuvn mans ucail with his ,v , the poor fellow lay quite still, " tnd Mould sat on niui. men I eter drew out his bandcuffl They were clumsy looking thlnga, Rod ue um mo. nave the least ,l, ),. ,( pm tan on. ue eeemed to know tome i mug. Vou put them on." he said, trying to inaaa grumy as sissllie, "an, n i luce oil tin "hols take the man Heathen Monuments. ItUhop Poleman. of IVlaware. has publicly eonde.nt.iM ,h,. ,.n(Nim of er,s tlng what he calls "heathen , menta' In Christian ccn.etertea. Among heathen moiiumeiils hi- els... .,in.i.. wrecked ah.p, broken .haft. .0j S more lonely and ZZZTJSZZ ' out that the oilier fellow doesn't oeca, Qonld tH.k the handcuffs and exam Ined them, ii,- teemi know mum thine alsmt ilmm r.. i u. . . . - "ppea them on uie prnonera wrists without dun culty. Meanwhile Peter kicked up Mi i 1 1 1 1 . i' ., i.i.i. . . , " "'' uau tnrown iwsi "hen he came to close nuariers wi, ine enemy. "DM nny of those thrw effect?" I II, i nlr... I .'....II ,,.,,11,1. "No. I tally, ' , u'r' ,n"1' NOW, What'll we do with Do ion tuppoae he is dendl l. he's not dead. Here you get I'.". A-! .'"Ming ,,. hnndcuffs ouid admlnlateMd , li..l- ... I tr.it.- thief. ,ur ,,n- The prisoner w, H wh M I cuity, i eter took bin. h n... .., ,;;"'i;Ur..ss,i,,. otnw nndthagrnto en him to his rent A uutnlvr r window, ,, Nvn si at the ii,, i i .. ... 1 . , ' ' icioivcr. ami t wna obviously beat to ,H. off wth delay "We'll take him to saatlii. , . .... ,, -ii ii, s;ii, IVter, proudly, and awny the w, , The prisoner ws tl,,lte COWed, and he a low. si Idtuself to ho led tMM -K'letl.v enough. P. ter ws not eapecM ly plcaseil with either of Ills new uc qnalatnncea Oould he had often heard of a the rlcheat and ilinr-t man In the netgt, laarhiasl. and It waa hard to have a charitable opinion of the prisoner. A to Uoilld. he kellt I, Mil In., .t I...'. ,. a.viue.1 to khn that thla little pollivman ImkiIs a foot in d a SillllC thing he had b, fore. Tin- young llce- llillll n fa.-e. too. looked, if the ain as light did not deceive MBi UkO UM of a child. i.l I. .ie t,.m. linvo voll been ii-,. n -- - . f..re..v .L. the money lender. Peter reflected. If he uld that lhl waa the tlrat day the prisoner would see thui he was a novice and might try to esents'. So llltend of answering the (juestioii he asked another. "i your name Qonld r he rnqnlred. "Yes." "Well, Mr. Could, If n fellow nsked you how much money you bat! In .vour safe Inside the store, what would you say r Mr. Hotild wns silent. "You'd say, 'None of your biislne,' " Peter continued. "And that' what I any now. (build look the hint l Uked no more illlestloli. Peter was Jubilant. He did not feel lonely a bit now, although his com- ptinlotis wete not very g.ssl company. What luck he had hud! lie hud not been a policeman for half an hour and yet he hud made an arrest. lien nicy reached the station house he hauled tho rlsoncr up the steps, with (build's as sistance, In true isillceuiaii style, When they entered the captain' room the only s-rsoii there was Fitzgerald III citizen' clothes, sitting at the cap tain's desk. Peter nulled Ills helmet over his eyes nnd chuligcd hla voice Into a kind of grumble. "W here's the captain''" Pltagerald did not look nt the little policeman. Ills at tent Lai was wholly absorbed by the prisoner. 'Good hetiveua, you've got Faxon!" I M'laliuod. "I've been laying for him for the last six months. He rang the hell and two officers ami- In. Take him downstairs," he said, and the officers went out with the prisoner. Then, for the llrst time, Fitzgerald tuned hi attention to the self-mnde silleemuil. He looked lit the Isiy hnrd- r and harder, and Peter, In spite of all hi efforts, could not help smiling. Who lu thunder ure you uiiywnv'." Fitzgerald asked at Inst. Peter pulled down his helmet so that his face was completely Invisible. I've been taking Fitzgerald' plnce ror the lust hair hour," he said. Fitzgerald laughed iiloiid and brought his list down on the desk. I should say you hud, nnd Well. too. You little rascal, you're Peter Ilurke, you ure!" A step wns heard In the hullwuv and the Captain came In. He was a tall. broad man. w 1th n long r. d beard. Tim) bad you had that long swim for nothing. Fitzgerald." be said, us he entarad) "but you might have known M one was drowning. Ity the wav, Wllkini say i .iM.irs armatad. Who got him?" Pltagerald pointed to peter, ivii.r took off his helmet and saluted the cap tnln. The captain ami Phlnean Qonld stared at him in amnaement. You?" crhsi tin- captain, at lust. 'Why, where did von iret the cl.nh. .' They're my clothes," snid Pita. lerakL lb- explained t the cantata how Peter had gained teuiiMirnrv nossession of them. "You see," MM Peter as he sal ,l..,ni on a chair ami polled off his blue trona er. "tln-y was heavy, ami I put them on so a to carry them. And then 1 found a couple of fellow J prjg on Mi Gould and I Jumped n ti One l them ran away, but we tnelrfal ,i. other, didn't we. Mr. Ooid.iv" B this time he had the trousers oir and lookisl funny eunuch in mtm ' aid's long Mil., coat nml his ..i ' wiiii mini i trousers. The three tneetatora io,.i.,..i nn i silent Wonder. At last Peter h.H .... off all lil.s extra clothing and eman.1 ... Is a Dot Iceman. l ie tired off three cu'trlil.'eu Mi. I'ltzgcrahl," lie said. "I ts. ' n.....i I hem to the air. you know v..... i guess I'll p, home f yu ,!.,' Inl'(, "r- "' H goo nil about t " uvuki looK.-d unconifonnblK H, fumbled with i,is hand m his p.-k,.ts At last, when Peter llnished sik hMul; he took out n iuiirter of n dollar. "You've done in,. gtssl tun., voting fellow," he said. "Now. you'd ls-lter take this to remember nn- by," The captain ..Hiked dlanWao,! gerald scowled. Peter stood up Mn stralvht ii military salute. rll..l.. M H L. ... ... n- i. ue S i I . ,, 'iiciitiici- or the force shall receive a n ,i I'"'-:..!,.,, for doing hla duty."- i;,-,.,.,,' "X ' X lilZ-.t'l U, HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO INOS HERE AND THERE. Jokr. and JokeleU that Are Huppoaed to Have Ileen Keoentl Ilorn-ltujrlniia ami Doing, that AJ-edd. Curbs, and Lausbublc The Week. Ifumor, The Connubial Coarse. "Have you attended any LOO tail lec tures?" "(inly those my wife give me every nljht." A iiinhii m aisvMe HJOMM ays he la entirely n self made man." "Well, he must be put together with awfully long tltchc. Ilerond Bel "I Hetty really In love with Hilly?" "She is -o Infatuat.sl that she doesn't ninke n fuss wheu lie seinJa her type written letters." Confidential n' Fleure of p. Friend How Proof. Mother Hoes he often break his v unl ? Iuughter-Of course; he stutlera. I.'nconsclou. Cerctiratlon. "Here, how's this? In this nrtlcle on I k you -peak of the 'steplnd.ler of faille.' " "I wrote that one day when my wife waa cleaning house." I'opulur to Home I'lli-pOMC. "Isn't It wonderful what n lot of friends Mrs. Iturnhain has'" "it is. Indeed, i nm told that aha im so many Wedding presents It Is neces sary to pay storage on some of them, aud this Is only her third wcdl,ng, too." Merely Ills Opinion. Illggllis lines your wife piny whist? Adams She think she doe, but when Cabrlcl blows his horn I'll bet she'll awake with u start nml nk him w hat's trump. That Would Ai. ,, mil for It. "It I claimed that thieves are almost utiknow n In Norway." "They must have the sume police sys tem, there that we have lu tills coun tryr Cun Win Without. "Why Is It that the nlalii clrls nre always the ones who learn to cook and make their own clothes ':" "(Hi, that's easily explained. The pretty ones always know they don't need to." Huke promise , , , "0w did The Hiichess- ',. nsk. I .i . ... "k.-d tin. if, a"- mm a lire pass ovt , road linee, U r '"'H i ... Tr"l'ied Attorney-Yon say tUa kled you In n dark r,,., v "'a Knir Plalntlff-Yei iij Attorney-wm y,,' the court how you ,,-,!,. , ?J3i r.s..n win, the defendant! r, IWr Piniiitirr Ob it when i we wen, , , tj Hwrwim "ra A Had fiZ ( llslonierXXM,.. .1.. . b.rigr,.;rm;:: Hrugglst llecnuse his lire written so i.i,h..i.. .. ' 'w"l'iloii rend them. y fa ...... IIer C"la Man, . HI. "W here am I eolnet , '' There's i. nml .. . '"' '"aWw Intefe.sted." " 111 I I "Friend of the fanny r ",I,re Hiranger. ii be kitchen window las, ! nsked my wife for f i wi, , ',, lug t think of ti, ' "... """ '""" d f her hlscuiuT1 fellow. One of th Ifrtbe ear nml knock,,, '"" -nm. I'm In for a pretty , IK..uaea."-Cleveln. P " A Hpaiiui, .riM, "Hero l,,,l,i .. , ,n, ,. i,,.u, t are von (basin.. ... ... ' "W ,, . ' " "ml ciuin rorr " "pun!! lympertlaaj wuy. "8pnnlh aympnthizer? you nana by tbatf" "HI inn unslieu ki r - "on txu n-,. thari raj All on Wind. "Tom Harmon, whatever liecatne of him?" "Oh, he' here yet. BttUdln' up quite n repiitnih.il on wind." "How's that?" "lies invented three different bicycle pumps, nml now he's worklu'on u llyln' machine," a Mgfcreat Ca.c. "Whnt's the matter, old manV "Oh, nn old uncle of mine la coming up from the country to visit me. He's one of the greenest old guys lu seven Stales. I suppose he'll make me the laughing stock of everybody that knows me." "It Isn't your T'ncle Henry who wns up here lust year, Is It?" "Yes." "You didn't seem to be nlrald he'd make a laughing-stock of then." "I know; but the old chump's gone nnd lost nil his money." How They (let Their Numee. Alfred -Pupa, do they use aiuipplng iu i ii-n ii. i soup f Papa No, my son. Alfred Why do they cull than snap ping turtles? Papa Becauae they have a 'snap' in not being used for soup.-Hui i.er's Hazar. Money Would llo. Sena,,, Well, what do yoa wgj Wandering musician ti. ... . Hlbly you did no, bear the' iu.v no, us yei , la Veil n..r.. door? Detroit Journal. In the Ati.il.,. D'Anber What would !. I.nil o I, I..l .... . ; "U"W ...... .. ii,iii,iii- mi r. i ll.lu,l..l. ro. ...ii,r.,ii n ,u. Colne I nu n ..i .... ,.1 I t I... ."""'"IH v.uo. .-i piaeih al foroDw. Not the Pictures. ,.f r "How Mabel Helming must love thai i- nuts i fnairawr. "Why?" I h.ird bar any that she artaalall nrt exhibition with him yeeterdug never spent a more delight mi afi..r,w, I. I.... liav. u III lli I II II. Ilcfore and After. l-Ourlous thing! Doet tie vhn It ciii be. thnt you 3 Ho nose Ocwtu. In women ex es How Sardinian Women liros. The women of Runtlni. , .. . .... uescnoed bj a visitor to that Island as belna Of rteganl hgure and amcefnl carriage. with large black eves ri.d. I, . .iii unir anil '" eoiupu-Mon. They (r,.ss Very II.H..I. .1. . . ........ .ue sniin- style ns o. oilier parts of CiVUIand th, that there Is not the tsm! uvme DBSte to adopt the l,,.st ra.hl. I he wives and .laughters r ,i,.. , ' rs and tradesiu..,, i... .,. ". .ue gorLTeolls naaa Of their costumes smnl. ",u" atnpi) comnen - He ror the simplicity of (lr,,ss JJ " WW classes; ,,,,-" kwa f.tes ami other r.i . . , . ' - HIS, w hell they appear in gala ,ir. ss n ' n wonderful s.s.ctncl., Theae ctiutaS. ta i sort of ft. heirloom, S down from mother to ,t . .rensuns, us highly as els of aneeetral is.rtraits. th, hJZZ teat changes, a,,., UtsuJ , ;hap,.si of is..tf toon ii, , n. , lrcss at two dirTcren. S'",U thev udorv '.iilltn.-iits. munlH-r of " :, . l,UI,V n"'1 the basal sTT ""-! It has " I'SlllItl.. .1. o,-r a verv short kii . . ""r" d siik hT-v. r lv In.ssl ..,. '.' ""u" ' 1-a.ae- SrHn the gi-neral beanty of the toilet Proven. "HreaniR always go by contraries." "I believe It. I always said my wife was a dream." Philadelphia North American. now. Chicago lw True Metal. "I sar. Ilrldirct Is voni- l.-au .1 ' or n silver niau?" asked the hcmloftbt house. "Shure, he's neythcr," nnswend ni cook, who was In love with n pJI mnai "he's what you call a mi'l mini, sur." Yonkers BtatesmaE 3D As soon ns dler. a man mIsm. brhla, ton, he bhm a-onAn never rvsilyba I he I.. -,i 7JL "Very much attached to the do." mm No Allowance. J ir i e has an Independent forttiner I hat s rlirht t,- . . .. The AveriiKv View In'his'Zr '"UHt '-very ,,, "th, I don't know itn to much." u.nount :;year"tl,,,rn""ft',',ln Learned at llo reacber Which i .. . ''"lltlclnn's Oldest R,,v - VUrf . ni. J1". .,,,, RroonUL Old Scadda, across the ., t. th lngl.s,, , on earth." '" ,h "How ran you prove It?" "He Uvea ,, ,,niel, sl,py to aro . JJJtag ou, the gold fllung hi. Diplomacy. Tommy Papa, what Is that dlpl"i Cy the papers talk so much illiotltl Papa Diplomacy is the an wblctal ablaa one mini to Inform another tM he ls a scoundrel without giving bin! chance to get mud alsmt It." ill. IV,. ...i, ,.,s "Old you notice how her fluff taperr "Yes; but I hope that doesn't iw thnt she Is llglit-llngered." - PlilUiW I'! i.i Hull, in. 8hc Wua Bsperlencedi Mrs. Yetist Ilnve you cier sn'n atr thing In the tnoou which rvmlndeilg of n man? Mrs. Oriinaonbeak Oh, yes; when' was full, I have. Yonkers Stateaaj An Baoeptlon. "Imitation ls Iho since res I tintiery. "Not If It Is work. si off on roll b) ! 10-year-old Jwy.M i... . ... i l...,,ilon. mwww wm im i.i-. in Once more nn electric '-el If ln donee in the Ineeot-bouse at tin-1 don soo, and once mote vlelion. DI Ions to test Its powers, can 1' i otigbly shocked for sixpence I"1"' well half of the laxly of tlx!- ' ,ra',r miry being Is occupied by organ nr.- not only electric batteries. I"" ciinnilntors as well, and luffldently powerful to uuiub "'' arm for a minute or two, and to kill good-stsod flsh on the spot, ' ends of the llsh seem to Is- In opl" luiaaael aswrwi conditions, so nm. wish to make axperlmenl of It P1 ortle should grasp Isith bead in1 "r simultaneously, In order to obtain ' full benefit of the discharge. im'tin Glad Hay The best of our elnd da ,.,..,.. Ulualu ll,.. most wuic ij.ncHiy i, mow ins f ft rowful, Just as mist and itorm .i"' r sumspded by the clciir shining r the rain. No one enn la- ure morrow will be beautiful but he hone ao, and there I a pleasure id h Ing for streaka of light In our which we should not deny ournelT