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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 19, 1898)
ii! : J:i .i m ONE ROMANCE P V HpllIS was theromancu or u troop, First Cav alry. U troop, be It known, Is just now housed, and the en listed nii'n me Having a hotter time than ilio captains used to. Tor 0 troop ban seen Koint of tliu hardest service knoxu lo the regular army. It Iiiih wried all tlie way from the Uery plains of Arizona to te moisture and fr.ot of Washington. It has Roue to more oll furt and Micro liullded new ones tlmn ny other organization Unit ever rode torses. Hut It lias been well commuud ed from tlie far away time when H. V. Bernard was captain and "Happy Jack" K.vle was second lleilleniint not to uii'Uilou Mr. Wluters, w ho was first V.tuti'uant-duwu to the present, when r.utlcineii as moilest aud a whole lot better nccotilcrcd take care of the for tune uf "company U." All tliat lias uotblng to do with the romance. Tlie man in the case was call ed "l!!g Smith." The first name be longed to ulm of rights, for he was Just ii lull and just as heavy as the maxi mum cavalry limit would allow, aud he called himself Smith because that nev er bad been his name. Kitf Smith was from Dallas, and. be was about as good a type of the genu ine Texau as a man would find In a mouth's travel. lie was handsome af ter a virile aud un-Hostouese way, and lil voice was of that deep und mellow quality which suits Itself to nonsense solids fur the pleasing of women. lie kuew enough to get ulong with the In tellectual and was able to buy enough to get along with the other kind. He was, at bis borne, au altogether accept able fellow. Her name Is another matter. Ilesldes, It is another name now, anyway. And there Is no use bringing her luto the romance of 1! troop any further than die Is willing to come. It seems there was some sort of understanding, fol lowed by a misunderstanding, between i lie in. aud lllg Smith shook the dust of 1'allas from his shoes, went down to (I'alvcstoii and eulisted In the regular uriuy. lie must have regretted their iiuanvl a good deal, for the regular li i my In isi was composed lu large art of about the hardest lot of men li.'.it have got together for military pur- Jkiscs since Mr. FulstafJf joined the jrees of Henry IV. Once lu, however, iiere was nothing for It but to stick, in J lllg Smith addressed himself to the isk of waiting. lie made a good soldier and was pro- piioted. As a corporal and later as a fritgvant the only complaint against jtini was made by the tailor. It took Boo imirh buff flannel to make bis cliev- ous. r.ut be was a very good fellow. i;icu to drum pay any, as became a frontier warrior; given to lighting occa sionally, wbeu that seemed the proper seaiie valve for abundant energy. I low-ever, be uever failed lu the one cs enilal. Ho did his duty. He could II ways bo relied upon. Ills fort was l'uiua, In the hottest oven of Arizona, here I he Culorow Apaches frequently tnade the camp still hotter. I Sunday in pcctlon was the same thero ps everywhere. After the roll call and fern tiny on the parade ground tin. men repaired to their squadrooiiis, and each biic stood at the foot of hi im.,i, ...i.n the ollieers walked through. cIiiih-p.1 Uut for signs 0f carelessness and eor- eci.Mi orcominended, as the case mUht cqnire. and theu walked out ngnln. " Often citizens visited iim .ii...- prt Viima, and the privilege of attend- hi me siiuni room iwiuu,ii., - rlzed. rluuu nua lhc soldiers were so Interest- That Sunday an unusual nnmW r fvomeii were on the balconies in hi. rs' row while tho routine ivntit fiii. A'ud on the parade ground, aud there Ms a general offer of an even hoi tl.ot feme of them would "come dowu tin poe wiiu the captain." Ann some of them did. Tim fery Interested. 'The soldiers stood "ere so absolutely oblivious of any 'lesetice, so erect and formally mlll ""'. BO painfully clean, u-lili i...l- J'iniM ' behind them rolled up and the maiiKcis ranged on top; the little ersotial vanities of enrh m,.n f all at the head of his bunk, an his open at his feet. BiS Smith bail A tilt 111 lutt 1t hmoiuvs V " were not often lent. One was a ""ectlou of verses with n HhILiq iu,v. f iler's card for a mark. The other was Terr stlltnil nn.l (,,ll.ia ...,..... ... " ...... iv,tua iiiiUMlll. ill r'e wanderings of a queerly fortunate f'-rsoti with n lml.lt nf n,,,ii ... i.t,.. " s a -much enduring man." No : but l!g Smith bad ever looUe.1 roi-v '"ply Into either. J'he lirst KPrinnnr naniA dnirn tliinn.v1. f"e squadrooiiis at the head of the f up of otllccrs and women, his brass U bl'ntil na H n ..i.lll i i i. u u ullu un biiij louiij uiimtr llpm, his saber clauklnir In a verv um- "oiis way. TentlouT' he called, as he appeared ' the door of Big Smith's squadroom. And every soldier added a little starch '" 'ho general stiffness of his bearing. Ibe otllcers did their customary quick weep of the room and Its details, but '!' women, unused to such things, tar a little longer. N'hy, there are books!" said one of Visitors. Illir Smith. looking !flglit ahead, as a soldier standing at "niion should, heard the voice, aud v rea blwd ran down aud his face fw white as a rain-washed bone." JJ be did not waver. annc luc v.' '' A litt'e lirnilil r,t umn "Wlir. it's liouierr exclaimed the - u r r- -J , . .1 -s ;. , ----- -- " -... ' i OF G TROOP. same young woman, scauu.tig the title a little more carefully. "Is It?" calmly Inquired the captain. He was not lust sure what Homer might be. but he gathered from his vis Itor's tone that It was surprisingly creditable to the owner of the volume. "I can't see the title of Lie other book said the lady, leaning forward and peering nt the shelf on the wall. "Smith, hand down those liooks." commanded the officer, but Ids totie was kindly. Hlg Smith, for once In his life, was clumsy. As he handled the volumes one slipped. He stooped to recover It, but the leaves fluttered and out fell n photograph the portrait of n woman. It fell face up on the bunk, and he re covered It In an Instant. In that Instant, however, the young woman saw It, and the hand she had extended dropped nt her side. She reeled a little, said "Why-my " In an odd little voice, and was conducted by "Happy Jack" Kyle, tho second lieutenant, to the outer air. ltig Smith put the books back on the shelf, and presently the guests being gone hammered Hilly Murphy, the bully of the giundroom, without any adequate provocation. That was the day liofore old Cachlse went up the Clla on the last raid that "HE TOOK HER he rode. The mnn ou post No. 1 told the sergeant of the guurd. when the second relief arrived, that he had seen a fire far to the north, but no one Im agined It wns a summons to tho south ern Apaches. Just after guard mount In the morn ing Lieutenant Kyle rode east with the women visitors. He wanted to show them some petrifactions and give them a drink from the Aztec spring. While the bugler was blowing "recall from fatigue" Happy Jack's horse came galloping Into the fort and the trum peter changed the last note In the call to the first note In "Hoots and saddles." They went out twenty strong. Hlg Smith In the lead ot the side of thu captain, whoso guests were lu peril. Two troopers, galloping lu the column, exchanged remarks alnuit him. "Wusn't lit to live with till he henrd 'boots and saddles?' " said one of them. "Groaned all night." "Always puts his breeches under his blankets and sleeps on them to keep them creased," said the other, "Didn't take 'em off nt all last night" And they galloped along, quite Indif ferent to dauger, only hoping, now and then, Cachlse would wait for them. They were untutored young ruffians, but one was n dead shot at thirty yards and the other stood off a band of Utes a day and a ulght oue time lu the mountains. Hut when they came to the Aztec springs and snw tho Apaches they wondered how ever the captain would get out of this scrape. There was a little gully, full of dry grass and chnp arrnl. At the mouth of It lay the two horses, both dead. Somewhere be tween that point and the spring nt tho bead of the canyon Mcutetiaut Kyle and the women were hiding. Aud Cachlse had Just fired the grass where the horses lay. The flames were drlvlug up the cut us If It were a chim ney. The twenty troopers charged at the Apaches and the latter fled with de risive laughter. Tho fire was lighting their battle for them. Hlg Smith dropped from the saddle and ran to the edge of the canyon. "All right, lieutenant!" he called cheerily. The man was strong ami virile again was even exulierant and cheery. Such Apache bullets as came bis way across the canyon acted ns a tonic and spurred him. He dropped over the edge, crashed down throiign the dry chaparral and, guidod jy the lieutenant's shouting, went straight to the little group where he found two frightened women and a plucky officer with both arms broken by a rifle ball. Klz Smith put his arm around one of the women and clim!ed with her carrying her presently, for she fainted till the two untutored ruffians and the captain could pass down a lariat and lift her to the level. Then he tumbled back, calling en- . A -II . 1 . , I n.n anil KtOOll couragenieui an iuc mi.., , .for. tb. other woman, whose lace Wt'&$ jk'-'Jy was quite the Imnga of the one In the photograph which had tumbled from the Odyssey to a bunk lu the squad room the day before. Her' he took lu his arm as the other one and held her close, climbing through chaparral that was already burning and over canyon grass thut was a curjH-t of tl.1 in. rubbing the tire from her skirts when they caught and presently ltf tlutf her clear of the ground and carrying her for letter safety, speaking hopefully lu spite of Cachlse and his frequent charges. And he yielded her up at last aud went back where Kyle, game to the end, had fallen while trying to climb with out aid from his bands-while at the lips and silent with agony, Cuchlso, thirty yards away, was try ing to get a bullet out of his breast, clawing after It as savages do and spitting out blood with his Spanish-Apache-A uiericuu curses. That ended the fight, and no so daring adventure has ever since come withlu a duj's march of I'ort Yuma. The young woman came down to the spadrooui that night where Hlg Smith was lying, a little the worse Tor his burning, and knelt by the side of his bunk to thank hliu. The captain's wife CRine with her, aud oor Kyle, pale with pain, sent his compliments. Hlg Smith rose up and tried to stand at attention, but they -made him sit down. The untutored rutllun went out of the squadroom and left them while the bugles were blowing tattoo. So that whatever they said only she and he and the captain's wife might tell you. They left when the roll call was over and Hlg Smith, turning his face to the wall, waited for taps and wished he, like Kyle, could give his two nrms for the woman. And that was the romaucc of ( troop. Grant's Name. Would It have made any difference HIS AltM.S." In history If Grant's Initials had not been emblematic of his country "U. S.," United States? They also stand for Uucle'Sam and I'neondltlounl Sur render. Suppose he had gone to West 1'olnt as II Irani, and the boys had call ed him "HI" for short? Suppose ha hud gone there ns Hiram t'lysses In stead of Ulysses I Urn in, and the ca dets had called hliu "II. II. ().," Hug? Would not that have made a change In his career? Wc never had a public man to make so many changes lu his name as did Grant. Hiram Ulysses, Ulysses Hiram, Ulysses Sidney and Ulysses Simpson, were the vurlutlons. New York Tress. A peach 13ai Inches In curcumference was raised In McMInn County, Tennes see, last season. More than 5,000 copies of Capt. Ma ban's "Life of Nelson" have becu al rcudy sold In Kngland. The Puke of Westminster has more children than any other member of the Hrltlsh peerage. He has been twice married. Husslulssaldto own IW.OtiO.OOO horses, or ncurly oue-half of the whole number In existence. Most of them are owned by the ixiisunts. It Is said that there were last year GO.ikkj pilgrims at Lourdcg, so fur the "record" figure. A huge cypress tree In Tide, In the State of Oaxaca, Mexico, Is 154 feet In circumference. In tho diocese of Oxford alone no fewer than IKtyssj campanologists (as bell-ringers are technically designated) are to be found. Ilnrbcr, the great authority on flsh, snys that every square mile of the sea is 'inhabited by lL'O.OOO.OCHJ finny crea tures. At I'ort Moresby, New (ulma, six young native girls pleaded guilty 1h fore a white magistrate to a charge of theft. As they were rather young to send to prison the magistrate took each offender In turn across his knee und spanked her. Masses for Napoleon. In several of the parish churches ol l'ra nee masses are still sung for the repose of NaMjeou's soul. In the great Cnthedrnl of Noti j Iaine, for exam ple, 113 masses are sung for Napoleon every year. One legacy from an old soldier provides for 14 musses during the year, and the services are observed with the greatest fidelity. M. t. cur tls, In Chicago Kecord. Kgypt's Cotton Crop. During British rule of Egypt the cot I ton crop has doubled, and now amounts to over COO.Ww.OOW poumu a year. Did you ever know a man to kill a . . . link U-ar. or catcb a llttl. flsbt IS SECRETARY GAGE PROPOSED Hy I'hIkk tbe Tt-lcuruiih anil Heat III Dcnvi-r Klvul l II. Secretary I.ynuin J. Cage told the ' piiK-rs that he was going out to Deu vit, tin Menially to net a r.-i. h i the first part of the prnKltluii thut ' keep running through my mind and will not down. It culls up a Utile ro ! liiaine which was executed with bust lims precision and promptness-the In- j variable turn which roiiiatii-ca with bii.l nil. men take. Mr. Gage's time Is worth a lot of money, and without knowing Hie yarn the average mnn who knows Mr. Gage would expivt I Hint he would carry ou his correspond ence de cociir with the an me dlsjiutch 1 and Kpfd that he would ue In clou j lug a deal for Isiuds or stocks. It la 1 uot generally known, but the Secre tary of the Treasury propmed to Mrs. Gage by wire. It happened this way: Mrs. Gage was one of the charming widows of Denver, and her name at that time was Mrs. Gage. She was ad mired par excellence. The black ndd en to the attractiveness. She was a reigning favorite, and many a man w ith a large bank account cutctvd the contest for her biwt favor. A wonl of this came to Mr. Gage, and he wus nervous. lie found that his chances of winning bis modest suit seemed fading by reason of distance. It was a far cry from Chicago to Denver, aud the rivals on Ibe spot had nil the advi.u tages, Mr. Gage was Phi much en gaged wlih u big bank to make more than occasional vMts. He hud known Mrs. Gugc for many years, but It did not occur to hliu that he wanted her for a wife until news, came from the West that she was hesitating ou the promise to five another man a fluid answer. This brought the Secretary to a crisis. He put on his hat and slip ped around to the telegraph office. Mr. Gage took his pencil In hand and dashed off nlsiut the briefest and most businesslike proNisal of marrluge that I have been able to make reccrd of lu my scrap-book of odd Incidents. It reads thus: "Mrs. Gage, Denver, Col.: Don't do anything until you nee me. Hy first train. GAGK." He counted the words-exactly ten and paid the toll. The bank gave hliu leave, and he lore across the con tinent "by llrst train." This Is where the details of the story stop. The de nouement Is apparent. There was a very quick wedding, a flash of the wire that Mr. Gage had been married, and he and bis bride came back In due time to receive the eongrnt illations of every body. The Denver man who was wall ing Is still waiting, also wondering how- the man so far away Is-at hliu In the race Just as he supposed It was over the Hue. Hut, like the talc In IsHiks, the romance endi-d beautifully, and they have lived happily ever aft erward. Chicago Journal. 1 lie tnnon's Ourate. Concerning tfuecu Victoria's enter tainment of "dine aud sleep" guests nt Windsor castle this winter, a Loudon correspondent of nn exchange writes! These visitors, who are- Invited by the mater of the household, arrive about ti o'clock lu the evening, nnd they as semble In the corridor levery one In full dresst at 8::o, when the lord In waiting settles the order lu which the company are to go to dinner. The quecu enters from her own apartments exactly at S:l.", with the princess und the lady In waiting, aud the party at once proceed to dinner In the oak room, which adjoins tlie corridor. The con versation at the banquet Is uot lively, her majesty strictly confining her re marks to general subjects, such as art, literature, music aud scenery. Any al lusion to iol!tlcal or pcrsouul topics Is absolutely prohibited. After dinner the queen and ladles retire to one of the drawing-rooms (there are three the white, thu green aud the redi, which open out of the corridor, where they ure speedily joined by the men of the party. Formerly the queen went round the circle, saying a few slnqdo nnd pleasant things to each pcrsou, but now her majesty dms uot bve her scut, and the guests are taken up to her In fours by the lady-ln waiting n ml the lord-lu-wnltlng, after which she re tires to her rooms with the princesses (If any are present), aud the company finish the evening with music and whist. The guests' apartments are very comfortable, with largo baths and capital fires. Smoking Is strictly forbidden except In the smoking room, which Is far removed from the queen's own part of the castle. In the morn- Inir viiohIs breakfast either lu tlieir own rooms or with the household in iviittlnir. after which they take Ihelr departure. Ants as the Gucsisof Hants, All Insects producing nectar may be regarded, as a whole, us ambulatory nectaries. They are mow powerful cuuses of attraction to ants than the extralloral nectaries Scattering them selves nearly all over the surface of the ulaut they determine the coining und going of the ants, w hich IndlriHily pro tect the whole plHiit. let tlie damage done by the "ambulatory nectaries, which extract tbe nutritive Juices from the plants and cause deformities lu their organs, can hardly Ihj said to be compensated bv the Incidental and un certain protection which the ants may ufford them !n other respects. The ants whbh are really rotoctlve to idarits are not those which oblulu their food (indirectly for the most part through the aphides) from the vegeta ble kingdom, but those which are real ly carnivorous. 1 Dene arc numerous lu temperate climates, ami ineir userui tiess to agriculture and sylviculture Is Incontestable. Thus the field ant Is a great lue-t destroyer, A nest of this species is callable of ditroylng as many as twenty eignt caterpillars anu grasshoppers a minute, or i.issj an hour: and such a colony Is at work day and night during the pleasant season. Iu tbe arid plains of America the ben eficent w"rk of B"u ' reT'led lu thu Isles of verdure srouud their hills. There ure phrits hospitable to ants, whbh furnish them shelter, and often food, within the cavities of which the Instincts of tbe nnts prompt them to take their abode. This Is the case with i several ferns, among them the Polyisj- dlum nectarlferum, the sterile fronds of which l-ear nectaries on their lower face, and are, moreover, of a shniss fav orable to sheltering the Insect A puls ion's Topular Science Monthly, It Is hard for a man to suport a scai skin wife on a uuskrat salary 1 fcys I One of the mot practical bless I Minertlmi wiib the relief of tbe miners In the Klondike region Is that nf the employ ment of reindeer iii tbe eeilitnMi. A anih.iniivil in a rei t dimteh from Washington, the Government has tnken this mutter in hand, ns well as Ibe control of tbe enl;re expedition. Secretary Alger has uiiule a requisition on Will in in A kelp man. the I'ederal reindeer herder, for tlmi nf the useful animals for immediate use. ('oinleiinllon of foodstuffs mnk-s it possible for I lie authorities to send large amounts with little comparative expt-nse. The tractnbillty and faithfulness of the animals render the niiileriakin one of much Icsh dillb ulty than would be the case under any other circutiisli ncva. When It is remembered that each of tbe iuki reindeer can haul 'JiK' pounds, the value of the proposed service (nnnot lie overeHtiiiialed. Tbe sturdy little animals will easily bind sledges und cargoes over glaciers and through mountain passes when horses would be absolutely iim-Iik. Keindeer are small animals, compared to the oilier families. They are usually a trille over four feet hi stature, hare short bodies, compactly put together, and strong, short legs, which curry them over the ground nt a very rapid rnte. The Laps say these beasts of burden can trot along hauling ii sledge loaded with -00 pounds nt tbe rate of from nine to ten miles un hour, and maintain this specil f,r tunny hours without apparent fatigue. 'They are nimble nnd sure footed as the chamois, have tbe endurance of the burn) and lack the obstinacy of the latter capricious brute. All the conditions vbich environ Ibe proposed expedition ure lo Iheir liking, so that nature seems to have designated them as the tueuns of relieving the sufferers. HAND SHADOWS. I Hrinnrkiililc Iii lures that May !e Made by Silhouetting. It Is not too much to say that the pas time of making baud shadows Is in universal as light Itself. Tlie Chinese practiced It thousands of years ago; nnd It flourishes at the Kgyptian Hall to day. That there Is money lu shad dows, ns well us In more substantial commodities, will be testified by Mr. David I levant, the eminent nmhrouia neur. The apparatus is not elaborate merely a powerful arc light of i!,iHH) candle iwer, whose beam passes through n small circular opening ou to a sheet of ticket writer's hulbiud. Oc casionally some little properly a pipe, a piece of cardlsmrd, or what not -is used for udventltlous effect; but for the most part the "artist" uses his hands simply and solely. What Is more, the arc lump can be dispensed with, and almost equally amusing re sults produced by the aid of u clothes horse, a sheet, and a candle. If uu TIIK SWAN. oil lamp Is used, care must be taken to turn It so that the edge of the flame Is toward tlie sheet; otherwise tho shadows will be. blurred and hazy. No one who has not actually seen n professional entertainment of this kind can form an Idea of the amusement that may Ih derlvcil from these hand shadiVvs. Of course, the pictures large ly depend for their effect upon Inces sant movement; yet so cleverly ure the figures rendered, that even this series of "still" photographs bears powerful testimony to the skill of the artist. The "Hrltlsh bulldog" (see Illustra tion) Is u capital example of unaided Towri.A KN Y handwork. Ills ferocity on the screen Is extraordinary. He advances threat eningly, albeit wilh the unsteady gult of his kind; and his terrible eye rolls In fearsome style by a truly Ingenious finger tip movement on (he part of (he shadow grnphlst. As Mr. Dovniit's hands enter the Illuminated disc they are quite separate, all the lingers Is-lng extended. The operator then proceeds dexterously to "mold' his subject, but In such a manner that all may behold the clever evolution of the linger. The placing of the hands und the disposition of each finger tire swiftly seen by an Intelligent audience, who appreciate this method far more than they would TIIK HI I.I. . the Instantaneous appearance of per fect figures. Hut to proceed. In another of our lustrations we have a singularly In genious representation of a swan, no "property" of any kind Is-lng used unless one so descrllM-s Mr. Dcvunt's own head. The photograph senrcely requires explanation. The stalely bird, here shown, well uiuluUlut lis sclent nuiTisii nt t i luiu. i i lilssiILL11 "" y '""A.: and familiar traditions. The long, graceful neck comes back In sinuous curves that the plumage (Mr. Dcvant's hair) may ho preened and pecked: and tbe min" little tale waggles lu pleasur able anticipation as the swan dives be neath the surface of Hie supposed lake. I 'iiiallv. the bird sails out of tlie disc by the simple process of Mr. Devant In clining himself gradually forward. Turn we now for a moment to M. Trewey, nf the Crystal l'lilace, whoso capital bull Is show n; this, as you may see. Is n wholly unassisted baud shad ow. When about to produce a new figure, M. Trewey takes a seat between his light and tbe screen, and then com mences to practice patiently and per sistently, Introducing tentatively deli cate little Hues here nnd there, and try ing various motions that he has previ ously noted mentally while studying the living prototype. Lord Salisbury figures without "prop erly" of any sort, tho well known ff'.'l f lW.'1MIJ!l.' l.nllll SAI.lslll liv. beard being produced lu a remarkably ingenious fashion by the lingers of one hand extended downward. One of t ho most effective of these shadow portraits Is that of Sir Henry Irving. The long hair Is very cleverly luillcuicd, while a slightly protruding linger lip produces on the sheet the effect of the plucc-iicz. Of course, ns we have remarked before, hand shadow pictures cannot be judged when sta tionary. Tor each nnd every one of tin-in Is designed a certain murvelomdy appropriate movement; nnd even the great personages whoso portraits ap- Silt IIKMIV MIVINO. pear on the disc arc umde to exhibit some mannerism or characteristic whereby they are known. Tho King Came. At the Hrussels exposition a few days ago King Leopold of Belgium, wishing to examine more closely a cer tain American machine, left his suite and stepped Into the booth where thu machine was Installed. Ho requested the man In charge lo explain Its mech anism to hliu. Not Hoiking the royal escort a few yards away, I he attend ant took his Majesty for some high of ficial. He explained In detail the working of bis machine, and dwelt upon lis points of excellence. "Aud, sir," he added, "the King himself Is coining to see It lef.ire long." With out betraying his Identity, King Leo pold smilingly thanked the American und withdrew. He seemed much limits- ed, when relating the Incident to those who accompanied hliu, at the Idea of an exhibitor who was expecting the King ut the very moment wbeu thu King was leaving him. A I'ux.leil I'arrnt. "It Is a dltlictilt problem," said the conscientious inun; "very difficult." "What Is worrying you?" asked his wife. "If 1 use slang before our sons and daughters It will encourage them In the pr ictlce, and If I don't they will ssy I hiii a buck number." Washington Star. Young Widows In India. There are lu India 2K),0i)0 widows aged between 10 aud 1-1 years, and HO.OOO less than I) years old. Necessity Is the mother ot some In ventions, but the majority of them are orphans. It Is easier to cut au acquaintance than It Is to carve a Meak with a res taurant kulfe, There must be a woman In the moon Instead of a man, otherwise It wouldn't change so often. I HE GOT EVEN. Persons Who Live In (Slaas llotii.es Hhniililn'l Throw Htonr. They tell a slory about a you in min who was lately married that Is fnnnv enough to print, but the unfortunate part of It all Is the names cannot Ik given, for some older persons are mix ed up In the complications, and they would be mad as tho dickens to ace their names In print. The young man Is a bright yotug ras cal and fond of a Joke, and a drink oc casionally, lu fact, he would laki three or four If opimrtunlty was fa vorable. It came to pass that oppor tunity was favorable one day, und ho took several drinks. Theu he went to see the pride of his heart, a charming young lady to whom he was engaged. Her papa came home In the evening and discovered the young man lu his deplorable condition. He lectured It tin In the severest way Imaginable, and sent him home. Hut he didn't forbid blill the house. In the course of a few days the young man called nnd tendered to hit sweetheart the most ample npalogy for his breach of etiquette. Later In the evening, In fact, nlxuit the quitting hour, the old gentleman ciime home from a little sitting, where he had lost some money, and gained a Jag of sym metrical proiMirtlons. He was affable to the boy, aud would In all probabil ity have apologised for his rudeness a few nights In-fore had the young man not anticipated him. "What do you mean by coming homo to the bosom of your family at this hour of the night, and In this condi tion?" said tho boy. "You ought to bo ashamed of yourself. I want you to understand that such conduct Is uot permissible lu this house, nnd tua'. tho members of this family ore not uous tomed to see men In the condition you aro In. You had better go where you came from, and spend the balan-e nf the evening." And thus he eou:lnued reproducing as near as possible the words which had been hurled at his swimming head a few nights previous iy. The old mnn was In a fury. Then he did order the young mnn out nml for keeps. The engagement was oh.' and for good. Hut nolMsly concerned In tho story died from a broken hetiri, or anything of that kind. They married In due time, other partners, of cour.e, and lived hnpplly ever afterward. Cincinnati Commercial Tribute. THE FIRST LIFEBOAT. Very Different from the Complicated Veaael nf To-Duy. The story of the lifeboat remains tj be written. To do so now would be premature, Inasmuch as, notwithstand ing the large amount of Ingenuity which has been lavished on the de signing of a vessel which shall prove satisfactory, the thing desired yet re mains to bo achieved. The first life bout was, curiously enough, devised by a landsman, oue Lionel Lukln, a conch builder of Dunmow, In Essex, En gland. This man had lost some rela tives In tho foundering of a vessel at sea, and he set almut designing a ves sel which should lie uuslukahle. Among trk riasT i.irmoAT. those who took up the problem where Lukln left It wus one Henry Great head, a boatbulldcr of South Shields, who worked continuously at the sub ject, and an order for the construction of what Is practically the first specially constructed llfetioat was giveu to Oreathead In lftoS. The first lifeboat was 30 feet long, nnd possessed a beam of 10 feet It was rowed by 10 oars, double-banked, and It was the first vessel built In which tho main features of all Ufe IhnUs were found. Thus, the stem aud stern were alike, It had a curved keel, and It bulged greatly amidships. , Every time we see a womau, wo thank the I-ord that we are not com pelled to wear a ribbon collar. When a man wants a cigar ha Mver wauls It very bad. '