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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 21, 1897)
, ,,b,pi tr .tori,', 1 Will '1 : ; 0 r K;. ' w ' a'lufii.. I ' ""I itli, 1,,e " inl. bo ihe Eaii, ninth ' P'iMH M mi Ik wond tl tots : rid of l, 'lie hftn iewiro nrtftl, ul tlie liai dOit uteres ; ny on ion iuu directiaj n for in l deptl, i th en', veuwti 1,000 it on til .it riia i count; ren i nut a lledfct !ittk tle of prtjii 'Of ill )(, 18 il I Till era sew luit I.OOC ifhl- w B( toot I.N T iir- IK it, he "7 It id f i t vvyvjtucxsxsX'ax" ftiW ' mail m - AWKWARD - POSITIONS fcll I .i.i.... cvli-1 nlll'ht DO J'lU l'""S ------- . u- born o exactly nllkeT mid Cliiirllc Hutre, ruefully Unap a dgn wt. I, other iiuiu laughed. L,Utlkli.KoftUotwlnu. . Iffrlsf They re ""l "-"' i ....v u-iii lor vou. uui i j i jour loB K,'t' nnJ 1 ,,,', l"re f tm) If 1 set' eiiin-1 - - I ... nr In a bad light, I can't tell i, i 1 1, is w lileh. I am going to a parly I ,tlt Sveti lij' the res)ected parents Lj ivntilfou. aud I iiosltlvely dread hvrlinps they piny tricks on you," l Billiintvne. "One of them Is ruth- Littisii." t. iirlie got lilmself up that night with J-annllnnry care, and as he was a fclloeklng fellow he presented a !yr mriklng nppcarnnce as he enter Mi. Heiinlsou's drawing rooms. He ! ixnii detiilned, ho that most of the i.t l.ail arrived when he come, and I lujimoriita w as nowhere to be seen. ;i alurtty after he had paid his re ,i to the host and hostess the i a ..0 il... Ii..nun tinttl1v ilnttiuitil I ii. 'Ni in 111 ri'ui filler vi tiirii" mr ..",, bite fliul liliu1, came up. Durre ;;ctl fur a dance two iliitieM. fl Hi w wnry. mud h:ic( "uut l ve . till 1.j l.iiKn.fa Vnii'm :u!ii li:ilo l-iil i llllifi WHillll III! liimvini i v lie bite. .Mr. Dncre, you see," with a lucent of rcironcli as she gave liercnnl. Clinrlie apologized In the jlJcst lerins. and the girl bestowed friulU'oti lilin ns she was led a way. H Mere went to seek her In good time 4r Ills iniieers. She sat on nil ottoman i ilistiint nirt of tlie room, where ' drmiiliig folds of a cui tnlii formed f-Iimle Iiuiu me glare or mo iignts. e liluo mill white of her llliny gown out against tlie dark background. inte Imsteiied across tlie room to her. Miss Iietinlson. my dance," he snld, rly. "May I?" s'irt iiinieil tier tirettr fiiro nun nreti I her eyebrows In surprise. "Yes," said Charlie, "the lancers you I r .mls"cl-0! 1 beg your pardon. You're j Hir cousin I mean, the other Miss nnKon-nnd. of course, I uavcu't .n you before." Then, recovering from his confusion i fore tlie young lady could speak, he .Mwl: I hoiie I'm not too lute to get a ancft Miss Deiiulson?" Having st cured this, he sought the t):tT Isiihel. "Why In the fiend's name do they tilike?" lie muttered, In nervous iar uf another mistake. He might if continually coming across tlie one ie didn't want, like a recruiting dec! ul. Several times he bore down on i fair girl lu blue and white, but turn--I anay, ilvciiling Hint he had only Kmc on mi Isabel lu another place. The iacers had begun It was In full BWing Kfure lie came Hitddeulr on a sofa liiTe silt the Isabel. "Hiss Iicnnisou," hestamuiered, "I'm ' mrry " "l'riiy don't apologize," said she coltl ;"1 assure you the delay Is not of the IliRlitint Uioment." I "Imleed, It was quite unintentional," tll the unfortunate Charlie, In de lIr. "1 have been looking for you" j 1 have lieen silting here the last ten iiiuutes, and you passed me Just now." I "I cmv a blue aud white dress," ac poBifilgcd Charlie, "but some people jrame l et ween It and me. Won't you forgive uie and dance this? It Isn't too ilite." I think my mother wants me." said bill"'!, rising with dignity. iiiiy I take you to her?" "No. thank you." Cliarlie only got tinrdoned when ev- pbocly was going. He was mud with Liniself. I.ut could not brlnir himself to jH'kiiowledge the renl reason of his ap jiaient neglect. He was sensitive Blsmt "'e constant mlstnkes. They went liai'iienlng. of course, the one Isabel langlilng at lilm, which he drentled; the (itlier turning linughty and offended. He offered some flowers to a Dennlsou frl "ntf 'biy and she snld demurely, "Are j on sure they were meant for citV "Whom else could they lie meant r Klll'l Charlie, sentimentally. "Jly cousin, perhaps she's over tlilTe." Kllld tll L.lt-l ,i.rrll,- ll,i..r.. flus!M n unutterable confusion, and ""k lui.-k the flowers, scarcely knowing Mt he did. And when he turned away w met the scornful eyes of a girl who tow 1. the IsalH'l he wonted, liecause Klrl he had left wnsn't alio 11 una lUte liiiH)ssil,le to present the flowers, ""1 he made a crestfallen escape as "Jon ns he could. "'"!! It: I'll end nil this'" h ol,l. "srl'y. one day. "Uut I shall have to careful, if i nni i,,.,.ii ,.,...wMfiii "'t I u arry the right girl. It would II1I!V n,.b. ....! It t .il l.... II III III 'I II 1 lllllll I. 'lit OIltMII-tlltlltn l..n..-n l,.t, . """'J nTIIH-ll UIIUIIU II..- hnuds. fur he was Invited to spend "'ek at a country house where the iMIlh-l o-nil nl i. I. .1.... . ftuui nou lier iin,iii i. "V Mlt IW-Vt I,... .1 ... 1.1. Pst delight saw no other lsnliel. Kiinii ij a inrg,.r party to-nior-w- said the young lady; "my cousins ir enml,,.. -i "Tl'e the IlennUr.n.r' rimrlla nl- fOst K.1SIK.J Till ... . . . ... ...iuiuiuuij: Ana imhu ia w had ueh an odious habit of dress ' ' the name colors! Why didn't - ... uiuereui colored riuoons, niie ren,.h twin.? u got along fairly well, with grest iiMirt ntul i.tnitl,.,. . -.- ............ n ruing nt miw ImuIxI Hi iiiiIhimi imiIitIiis the lllirury. He kni'w It wait Mm oiu, Iwiihiho hIic mm un n Krny (ircHK, wiiorcnM hor i'oiih la tin il worn a khh-u one during the day; otherwise It wiim too dark to siv Iht fi'iiturc. lie followed her luto the room. "The nlcPMt time for a phut." he mild and hIip made a niovetiicnt mh If to leave the room, ilittlni; toward a further door. 'Yen. I.ut I'm afraid I enn't may," mie Bit lil. "1 only came to feteb Homelhiug 1 left l.ere." "Well-but don't go "lay a minute," mild Darre, etureatlugly. He had nu doubt at nil uboiit IiIh uceuraey iih to Identity; her deitlre to e ue from him wui a Htire proof, let alone other; for II wan prs'lKely the deitlre hhe had nhown In the liiMt few tlayx, and which he took iih a favorable nign. '.MIhh Ieniiison Isuliel-iini I mlHtakeii In thlnkliig-lii ! hoping you know you fturcly iiiiist ' know that 1 love you " i The cirl hail kIihhI Kt III for a rccoihI, while Charlie rushed on with IiIk dec In rat Ion, but Hhe interrupted him lui'i ! Ily- 'IndiM'd. Mr. Pacre, I'm afraid " "Itou't hay that," mild (.'hinile, going : nearer; "ull tlione wm'kH In town-dowu ' here, when we have becu thrown ko much together 1 Mircly have not iiiIh- ; uudcrHtotHl " A Milled xoiiiid ciiino from the dim fig ure licfore him, w hether laugh or what 1 he could not tell; but he Middciily Part ed back, and In ho doing came face to ; face with another Isabel lu a gray ' drcrnt. j If the earth had opened mid nwallow ed lil in Charlie would have boon thank- i fill. This wan the crowning disaster. Neither Isabel mlrred; which, In heav- 1 en's inline, was which? To whom had he proposed? How should he ever know he had got the right Isaliel? j He recognized after the first wild 1 movement that he must Have the situa tion, lie approached the newcomer, ' who eyed him disdainfully. I ".Miss Heiinlson-Isaliel," he began. ' "Which Miss lienulson do you Intend ' to address, Mr. Iucre?" he demanded sillily. i "How the deuce nliould I know? It Is nearly dark and you both evade me." "You had iK'tter puinue your conver- 1 sat Ion w 1th the lady you seem to recog- 1 nlze iK'st, and I will retire." I The other Isaliel sprang forward. i "Dou't lie a goose, couslu," said she, 1 half laughing, "and you. Mr. Icre. wait a minute. You know very well, ' Isaliel, It's nil a mistake, and I'd have Interrupted Mr. lncre ln-fore only he was ho Impetuous I hud no time. He I didn't mean me at all " i "Mr. lacre doesn't seem to know 1 whom he means," said the olTcnilcd lu bel. "I know very well when I can sec : them," murmured Charlie, nearly J crushed. "Here gocH for it light." j lint when a bhize of light Illumined the rKim only one Isaliel remained. 1 lucre took her hand. j "You are the one," he wild. ! "Are jou quite nureV" Hhe asked, archly. "Ah! that's cruel! Of course, I am. I What will you nay to me, Isabel-for- give me and " I "Love you," whispered Isaliel. I "I hope If the right one," said Hal lantyne, when the marriage ceremony w an over; "but uhiii my word, he was almost taking the brldemnld's hand lu Htead of the brlde'sT-Loudon Slur. Cnt le Bum's r'lrt I'oMtagr.Siamps. "Fifty years ago-in July, l.MT-l'u-cle Sam Issued his llrst postage stamps," writes I'limile Muck I,othrop lu the Ladles' Home Jotinuil. "hi Kngliuwl, seven years before, Howland Hill, 'father of the penny post.' Intro duced the 'sacking plasters. as Uie stumiis were contemptuously culled. John M. Mies, our rostiuaster-tieneral at that time, trl.-d heroically, but In rain to move Congress to nnthorlxe stumps for this country. Ills successor. Cave Johnson, was more fortunate, and the bill deslre'l approved on March 3, lN-t". the stamp. not lielng Issued, however, till August, though the time apislntel was July 1. Only two value of new stamps were In troduced lu 1M7-" ' a " '''", stump. Iicaru.g. rcsMctlvely. the K,r trait of Franklin In a bronze tint, and Washlngt'ii In black. 'The llrvt purchaser of stamps In the fnlttil States was Ilenry Show, the father of Henry Wheeler Shnw.l-tter known as Mush Hillings. the humorist). Mr ihaw was In the Postiiiuster-Ceii-end's offlee on August . 117, when Mr Johnson entered with the printer from whom he had Just re.vlv.-d sheets of he new stamps. Mr. Johnson pa ,h1 sl.-et to Mr. Shnw for in--twn. Vfter giving slami a hasty glance Mr Shaw, perhaps with an eye to I ...... f. took out his wallet, cunt- 1 out fl'ft.-en cents and purchased one Svnr-ety. The -five' he ke,, as curloHy ii. T , il il. r i,i-- ,, Brtgtf" as an appropriate Goreruor gift.' . ....rrpUotne hcorplon. Thes.vn-H.nu.tl- most quarrelso. creature In the '-' Two l'1'""1 f other to death- A man hears and reads a great deal Jr.. 'boat lov. In the course of. Oay tbu hs set THE ONLY WHITE BUFFALO. 'em .ml Cl,.,a by ller.. bo, Never C.uubt. I'urliig the luiumer of IMS band of Indians returning from hunt far out lu the plains brought i nrU.t of ,mv. " -'ti at dltrt r. u tin,, ni;d lu differ t ut place, and always lu tl. eei.t, r of n large herd, a w liito butTalo. They luid us.il their bet ,rseii 111 the ef fort to overtake it. to no purimse. never being able to get anywhere uear the nulu.al. At tlriit we did not my much nttelillon to these slorles. but still It kept cropping it,, fnnu different catups nnd at last, lu the fall of W.'i, 1 myself had a chance to verify tlie truth n'f the 'ix'rt. I had been sent on duty north along the lted Peer Hirer, and was cumped near a large Uind of Ithiek feet. who were hunting south of that river. The buffalo had mured uorth In vast numbers, nnd the prairie was black with th,.,,,. 1 had gone one one morning with a imrty of Itlaekfeet to see one of their hunts, and also to try aud kill It for myself. My home was a good one, and much faster thau any belonging to the ludlan hunters. I had got detached from the party, becoming tired of the laughter, and must hare been at least twenty miles from tlie camp, when I made for a small clump of timber not far off. Intending to mast a portion of some bufTalo meat 1 had on the saddle with nip. As I approached the wood a Imnd of about one hundred animals burst out from the brush and made off to the south, and, yes, most certainly, in the middle of them was a white biif fulo. Although they were a quarter of a mile away, there could be no mis take aliout It, he was there ns large ns life, and unite white, and running like a deer. There was no time to much more than take lu the scene, but I gath ered up the reins nnd was after him. determined to bag that bufTulo or kill my horse. Oh. whut a race It was, mile after mile; and although ull the bund, with the execptiou of about a dozen, hud split off and gone In different direc tions, the white animal, with his body, guard of utiout a dozen, kept at about the same distance ahead. I could catch a glimpse of him now and then, ami there was no doubt he was snow white, (iet within a shot I could not, for mnny miles. At lust they began to tire, and, although my horse was tired also, I had good hopes of coming up. and getting a shot. Alas! for such a chance. Of a sudden my horse lurched forward on his nose, sending me over his head onto the prairie, nnd turning a somersault himself, missing me only a few- feet. He had put his foot luto a badger hole, unci brought hopes of a white rolie to a sudden eiitl. r'oruii aud Stream. Itird's Friendship for a Hoy. It Is a rare occurrence for animals. In u wild state, to select man for a companion and friend, yet well-authenticated Instances wheu this has bccll doue ore u mutter of record. The fol lowing instance U vouched for by my coiresKili(lont, a young wouiuil w ho Is a close and accurate observer: "Last week my brother (a lad of 1-) killed a snake, which was Just In tlie act of robbing a song sparrow's nest. Kver since then the male sparrow Iiiih shown his gratitude to Ceorge In a truly won derful milliner. When he goes Into the gardeji the sparrow will tty to lilm. sometimes alighting on his head, at other times on his shoulders, all the while iKiurlng out n tumultuous song of praise and gratitude. It will ac company him ubout the garden, never leaving him until he reaches the garden gate. George, as you know. Is a quiet boy, who loves animal, and this may account, Ul a degree, for the sorrow's extraordinary actJoiw." 1 urn perfectly convinced that the nesting blitls ou my place know me, and that tliey remenilier me from one uestlng-tlme to another. I have re peatedly approached my face to within a foot of setting birds without alarm ing them. On one occasion I even placed my hand ou a setting cardinal, which merely fluttered from U-neiith It without evincing further alarm; yet no wild bird hint ever evinced toward my self any sieclul degree of friendship. When I was a lad I rememlier that a certain decrepit old drake would fid low me like a dug, and which upiH-ured to enjoy himself In my society. I could uot appreciate his friendship thin, nnd greatly fear that I was, at times, rather cruel to the old fellow. IoulsvUlt Courier-Journal. New Color Names. If tlie latent additloiLs to the nomen clature of fashionable colors be geii-r-nlly adopted by milliners and dress milkers, ladles will bo much puzzled when the' come to choose their hats and gowns for early autumn wear. Thus It apiicurs that manufacturers are offering to the wholesale buyers reds dintLngubdiod as "sport," "Cretan," and "Athenian." "Uolf" and "spiritism" are 1M-W shttdes of blue; some exceedingly brilliant greens have lecn tleii.imlniited the "asparagus" and the "Krln," and silvery grays are to Is- known as "alu minium" Bi'i.l "nickel." "Untnd'mcre" is n luvender tint, and recent events In the States have made a distinction In yellows, ns dollar-gold-' and "Me Klnle.v." "Josephiit" Is hnrdly sug gestive, but It mentis a grass green; -apotheosis" Is n pink, and "recnmler" la nn orangc.-linhin Telegraph. Iluy Fruit Instead of Only. "I wish," said a doctor the other day ad he watched a group of school chil dren troop out of a candy store, where they had liecu spending their is-niiies, "that I could form a society among Utile folks lu which each iih'iiiIht would take a pW'dge to hkii1 all his issket money for fruit Instead of candy." h seemed a funny way of putting It, didn't It? Hut Uie physician was very much In earnest, and nt the moment It probably occurred to him that as children like dulis. an antl candy club would lie a very good one fur them. He wanted to do two things to stop -l"'lr -a11"' n,v unhealthfiil aweet ond to coa Uu in to eat more fruit. An apple or a banana or an orange can usually, one or Uie other of them, Is? bought for the price of a Utile candy, and the fruit la much better lo every way Uisn the sweet Sew Ysrk Times. gome men hsre no other genius ex cept that they are always able to And the warmest places In summer, and tht i coldest places la winter. 7W INI cj-. . A customer i!ihihh1 Into a Umk seller's the other day tsnys the Hisik maul and asked for a copy of "The Lady of the AriKistook." The clerk seemed to lie lu some doubt uIhiiU the title, bin after a moment's coiisultutioti with another siilesmau, he came for wurd and said, blandly: "So sorry we haven't got The Lady or the Rooster,' but we cuu give you 'The Lady or the Tiger.' " Stephen Clrard, the lutldcl million aire of riiiliidelphiii, ou one Suttirduy ordered ull his clerks to come on the morrow to his w hurf nnd help unlond a I i. urnteii snip, tine young mini repiitHi, quietly: "Mr. Clrard, I can t work on Sunday." "ou know the rules." "Yes, I know. 1 have a mot It er to KtipiHirt, but I can't work on Sun days." "Well, step up to the desk, and the cashier will settle with you." For three weeks the young mnn could tlml no work; but one tiny a banker came to Clrard to ask If he could recommend a iiuiu for cashier In a new bank. This discharged young man was nt once named ns a suitable person. "Hut," said the banker, "you dismissed hlin." "Yes, because he would not work on Sundays. A man who would lose his place for conscience's sake would make a trustworthy cashier." Ami he was appointed. Mark Twain once attended a mission ry meeting lu Hnrtford. at which a mlssluiiary made an address. After listening to the agonizing stoiy of .suf fering, Murk Twain snld to himself: "Fur Cod's sake, send Oiat plate around, so that 1 can pour my sym pathy Into It. I ll give you these four one hundred dollar bills, and If I can get a piece of paper, I'll w rite a check for something more. I can very well spare a little money for a en use like that." Hut the lecturer went ou tnlk lug, and its he talked, Twain's enthusi asm en lined. "And when the mission ary had been talking tor half an hour," he continues, "I had saved one of those bills, and when he hud talked live min utes more two of those bills were mine again, and when he hail been talking an hour I had won nil four back, and, by gush, when lie tlnnlly dltl send Unit plate round, I iNirruwed ten cents out of It to pay my care-fare lioine." President Lincoln, when he was n young lawyer practicing lu the courts of Illinois, was once engaged lu a case In which the lawyer on the other side made a veiy voluble speech, full of wild statements to the Jury. Lincoln opened his reply by saying: "My friend who has Just spoken to you would lie all right if It were uot for one thing, aud I don't know that yuii ought to bin me ti I in for that, for he can't help It. What I refer to Is his reckless statements without any ground of truth. You have seeli Instances of this lu his speech to you. Now, tlie reason of this lies lu the constitution of his mind. The mo ment he begins to talk, all his mental operations cense, nnd he Is not rcSHin slble. He Is, In fact, much like u little steamlHiat that 1 saw ou tlu Sniigamon Hirer, when 1 was engaged In limiting there. This little steamer had a live foot Isillcr anil a seven-foot whistle, and every time It whistled the engine Btupped." A member of Congress was gultlg home very late a few nights ago (the Washington post says), w hen ho met a young man who was hopelessly drunk. The Congressman hnpiH tieil to know where he lived, and kindly guld ed lilm home. The Congressman hud no sooner pulled the bell than the door was flung open untl a tall and vigorous w oman appeared. She said not a word, but gruhlicil the Intoxicated young mnn by the collar and gave him a slinking that fairly loosened his teeth. Into the hall she shook lilm nnd slammed the door. The Congressman wns descend ing the steps, when the door opened ngulli nnd Ids friend flew out as If flung from a catapult, lie lauded at the foul of the stairs, nnd the Congress man picked hlin up. He wns very much frightened, and he wns almost solier. He mnnaged to gnsp out: "We don't live here. We we moved last week." The really Interesting thing would Is- lo know what happened to the mini who does llvj there. The lute Judge ltlchard Clarke pre sided lu the Atlanta circuit of the Su perior Court w lieu one of the most re markable murder trials was lu prog ress. The evidence wus conflicting (says the Washington I'osti, and tlie Judge was culled Umiii to charge the Jury on some new untl Interesting legal points. The Judge was a rapid talker. In this Instance It was very Important that every wortl he sHike should lie correctly recorded, ami he so cautioned the stenographer. Then Judge Chirk began. As he w armed up to his charge he wus sH!iklng at the rate of two hundred nnd fifty words a minute. Once he glanced toward the stenogra pher. That worthy ofllclul seemed to be half-sleeping over his work anil ap parently writing very slowly. "Mr. , Mre you getting my words down correctly?" asked the Judge. At this the stenographer si'cmcd lo wake up. With lltth nccrn he replied: "That's all right. Judge, tire away. I nm about fifteen words ahead of you now." Kind Fate having taken me to I'urls (says u w riter In il"' Sketch), I snt In a corner of the Cufe tie la I'ulx with a native Parisian. Simiii a cohort of ruga mutllns Invaded the Isnilevards with the last edition of Le Jour. My friend stayed a punting gamin, produced a French js'iiny. and tsik his Ave cen times change. I stared a bit, for the boy wus so MKirly clad that a profit on the pnHT might have lieen looked for. "We nre very different from you Im doners," remarked my friend, guessing my unssiken thought; "our ior have a code of honor- they work for their living. If I had offered that pnpcrlioy the change, he would have told me Hint he workiil for his living, and did not beg. I should have Insulted him with the gratuity." I said nothing, but thought a great deal. Home half hour later the same liojr repassed. I bought a copy of his paper, and gave hlin twen ty centimes so ostentatiously that my friend could not fall to see me. Thert was a grin, the first syllable of mercl and the Inst of monsieur, and the gamin turned tbs corner, probably rushing to Invest the fortune N'for ' the banks closed. I looked round to my . companion, anticipating a remark.' "You will see," be said, turning o Le i lour, after a moment's silence that might have been felt, "that C recce Is now suffering the penalties of her ruli lit us uiul folly," The Yap Hollar. First and last there have been man..' different kinds of dollars In the Cul led States-sliver dollars, gold dollars and multifarious paier dollars of some times dubious value; and lu oilier coun tries. Iron, platinum, brass, tsuic. Ivory and even wheat and cotton goods, have done duty ns money. Hut the oddest "dollar" ever seen thus far, jierhaps, Is that coined, or rather quarried, by the chiefs of Die Island of Yap. one of the group of Caroline Island In the South aclllc. These Yap coins are even more cum- IsTsome to curry about than the great silver "daddy dollar" of our own laud. Vastly more cuuiliersoiiie. Indeed, since I hey weigh eighty pounds upUfc and are ovec two feet In diameter! A de faulting cashier would certainly have tlltllculty lu absconding with tunny of (hem! Two of these strange pieces of money may now lie seen lu the National Mu seum at Washington. They are cir cular disks of corn 1 1 lie rock, dull w Idle lu color, yet apparently crystalline, twenty-six Inches lu diameter and from three to four Inches thick. At the center of each there is u round hole two inches and a half lu diameter. The Yap chief enjoys a inonoply In this singular sort of coinage. When In want of money, he has but to send his slaves to the quarry to fashion us uintiy tint "dollars" as he needs. His treasury Is a number of long poles set ou supports In front of the royal hut. The dollars are strung on the Hiles like Is'iids lu a necklace; and the number of strings of these great stone dollars possessed by a chief Is the gage of his wealth ami resicctiilill Ity. Hut If utility should be a character istic of money, a dozen grindstones piled on a pole would Ih' of more value than the whole of It. fr'oiiled the Old Man. When the young married man tells this story he makes sure that his fath er is not within earshot. "I never hud but one fulling out with the governor," lie declares. "When I went home one evening and told him that I was engaged, hecross questioned me like a lawyer and each answer In creased Ids wrath, till he positively fur bade the bans. 1 have something of n temper myself, and, after n stormy In terchange, we agreed upon u compro mise. He did not like the girl's fam ily. He would have It that she wus a fortune hunter. He could never up prove of her under any circumstances, lint If I would go aliroad fur two years, see other women, hold no communica tion with my llancee and then return to marry her, he would Interpose no obstacle. I ncccptctl his terms. "After I had liccn lu Paris I met nn American girl who was lu nil respects my Ideal. She was with a weallhv aunt, whose mime she hail taken ami whose fortune she was to Inherit, I wrote the governor about her, sent lilm the opinion of some of my cotiiiirymeii whom he knew aud said his scheme had proved a good one after all. With his permission 1 would wed the -tl:l !u Purls. "He cabled his permission and Ms approval, but lu the letter that follow ed there was a tone of mild rcproval for my Inconstancy. You notice that my wife Is a prime favorite with lilm. He never tires of singing her praises, ntul doesn't allow a day to go by with out reminding me how he saved uie from the blunder flint would hint' spoiled my life." "Hut wasn't It a little hard on ti e olle you left behind V" ".Vol nt nil. She's the slime girl I met in I'urls. Hut he doesn't know It, and I mean that he never shall." I e Irolt Free I'ress. He Deserved It, Llpplticott says that the llama of South America U one of those anliiuiln which are, lu one way or another, ex Nrt markstneii. When annoyed and uugry, It gives an exhibition of its won tlerful skill In hitting the obj.i t which has excited Its Ire. The llama's wciiimui Is Its mouth, Its bullet Is composed of saliva ami chewed hay. Sevcrul years ago, says the writer, nl the Fair Croulids Ul St. Umls 1 wit ncssod ull exhlbltlou of this creature' exH-ctrutlng siwer. In w hich the vic tim wns a country ls'iiu, who cume near liming his sweethenrt thereby. The young iiuiu wns one of those self sulllcteiit Individuals who Imagine that knowledge sits enthroned lu the temple of tlielr own personal Intellect, nutl that whut they do nut know Is uut worlb knowing. The llama siood In the mid dle of Its Kn, llftcen feet or more away. The young man was annoying It by throwLng clods of dirt at It, ami tapping his cane on the rails of the s-n. .. I saw by the creature's act Urns tlml It was angry. Tlie rapid movement of tlie Jaws Indicated Hint It wns prcpar lug for attack. 1 warned the young man, ntul told lilm what to expect. Ille sweetheart Is-ggcd him to desist and ti; come away; but he treated by warning with derision, and told the girl that lie "knew his business." Suddenly there came a whizzing, whistling noise, followed by a shnri. sput. The young wiseacre Iny siipltn Usm his back, his eyes ntul forehead plastered w ith a disgusting mixture of saliva, buy and mucus "I hate a fool!" said the girl, us she shouldered her pnrns.il and walked awsy. I snw t li.-in again In the monkey house, some time afterward, but the man was a changl Is-lng. He had learned his lesson In decorum. Hbarks uf Old. The inislern shark is deteriorating. In ages gone by there were fens-lout harks, such as would m.ike a mouth ful of you without blluklng. 7C fe! In length. I'lenty of tlielr teeth have Is-en found which are .1 Inches In length, whereas Uie biggest of the teeth belonging to sharks that exist at tlie present day are 1V4 Inches Ion- Force of Frees ng Water. The thickest artillery shells are burst by the expansive force of freezing water. SUITOSB WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM ThE COMIC PAPERS I'teusnnt Intidrnt. Oecurrlna tlio ii orM tlvrr- h. lug. tti.l Are Chrrr ful lu (Mil or Yuuiiu - Funny Krlvc" Men. that Kvertiod7 Will trlnjiiy. M.klna lilm t'.rful. "Pld you eer hear alsmt that honk agent's hard link)" "No What was It?" "lie struck a mesmerist. She hyp notized lilm Into (he back yard aud made him beat carpets for live hours." - 1 et roll Free Press. On Kiiniil, Frcshy-Professor. Is It ever possi ble to lake the greater from the less? Prof. Putterby Tliep Is a pretty close a pmaeu lo It when conceit Is taken out of n freshman.- Indianapolis Juiim::!. 1 he llo'ili-r nf a Krcnnfu "Who Is that lank party with the luedalsV" nskeil the drummer. "That Is our town champion," the mini grocer explained, "lie has got Ids picture In the papers more times for belli' cured of mure different ills eases than any mini lu the Culled States."- Cincinnati F.nqulrcr. An lifiio.tnr. Tramp- Madam, will you give a hun gry tramp iiilhlu t' eat? I'll saw yer wood, mow l her lawn Woman at the Ioor-Clt out! Yew ain't tin tramp. New York World. "1 h. Hullnaj I'a.alnn." "He was n liar to the lust," said the editor, "lie was'" "Yes. lie swore he would die with Ills hoots on and they lynched hllil lu slippers." A tlanla Constitution. !nrn.qucntlal. Ills I.uiNhlp-Hut you Americans make such a row alsuit the most Incon sequential things, don't ye know." Miss Ciiluiiibiii - Yes, I suplmsc It docs antiay you to Ih- so lionized.-letrult New s. Irfliirnce of a tlii.nl K.i-r, St. Louis (llobe-I)emocrat. A Wlae Preliminary. "Slulililns Is greully respected by Ids children; they didn't laugh wheu he wus learning to ride a wheel." "No; 1 tickle Stubblus told me that their father waa going to give them each a quarter If they woultlu't." Ie. trolt Free Press. Placing! Her. "It was a funny thing," snld the t range lady lu the comer grocery, "but lust Siimlny my husband wns the only mnn III the church who wasn't asleep." "I reckon," replied a Iteulwii, "that you must be the minister's wife." Yonkers Stntssinan. Ooiiil Hea.on. She-It Is reinnrkuble what confi dence that Mrs, Storms has lu her hus band. Helieves everything he says. He Well, why shouldn't she? "Why, man; he's a clerk In the weath er bureau. Yonkers Statesman. Her I refrrenra. Hose-Why do you prefer Charley flllllg lo Fred IVItou? I think Fred's twice tlie man that Cluirley Is. Minnie-lie tuny be, but Charley buys mud the finer candy. Cleveland Lmiler. Naturally fnrerlaed. "Hid yo i know, children, that Methu selah completed nine centuries?" ask ed the S iliiln y school teacher. "IHili t know they had bikes In those days!" came from one of the bright ones.- Yonkers Statesman. fin ThoiiuMa About lbs ''nlcher. Fu ldy Hii ween you ami me, I be. llevt my wife thinks more of the butch er I 'in n she tlocs of me. iHiddy-You dou't mean II! Fu.ldy-I do, but I am not Jealous. I) .ddy Not Jealous? Flddy You wouldn't lie surprised If yr , knew what kind of thoughts she f uks uf hlin.-Huston Transcript. ' Hoped Not. "William, 1 hops 1 didn't see you wink at thst girl!" "No, tuf dear. 1 nop you didn't" rrriwr mm III Nnl a litai-nnra nn K trarananc. Wife (nfter returning from church) Ynu should have been at church this iih ruing. We had a beautiful sermon. Husband - I'll bet you cuu't repeat the text. Wli-Yes, I can. It was the tenth verse of I he sixteenth chapter of Fze llel: "I girded I lice about with due llueil, and I covered thee with silk." Husband -Hull! It Is no wuudcr jou remember ll.-llarleiii Life. More l.lhalr. "Have you thrown over the bleyrla fur gwtsl. Miss Hreexley?" "No. It wns the bicycle that did all the throwing over." Illlaafnl lanoranr. Mr. HiiITuiii- la II a fact Unit you ran neither rend nor write? Illiterate-Ion't know. Never tried lo do either. Huston Transcript. IllaCiomt Work a. Some well Inteiitloiied person, cate chizing another Individual. Inquired: "My guild man, do you ever do any thing to bring light and purity Into the lioincs of your fellow-men?" "Yes. lots," wus the reply. "You distribute tracts?" "No, I cleans windows and beats carjiels." New York Observer. The Helattnnahln. A small Isiy, after crltlcnjl) survey ing the new baby, remarked to his mother: "He's got no teeth aud no hair. He's grandfather's little brother, ain't he, ma ?"-London Fun. Not Korntten The Waller- Hog pardon, sir, liars yon forgotten me? The Walled-I'm-l believe I did see you somewhere a long time ago. New York Journal. Wanting lilm Off. Tollver- Can you let me hare 110 for a week, old mail? 1 inert- What weak old mnn? Har lem Life. No! Hone Yet. ' Spats-They say eU'cliiclty will run the world lu the future, aud that I ho age of steam Is Mlssel. StH-rnliHits-Oh, I don't know. There Is a good deal of vaporing yet. Pitts burg News. , ll.nl In Kind. P.thcl-You may ask papa, Mr. Van Ishe. Ynu lshe-My darling. I'll never b able to tlml him. He owes me I'Jo. Wushliiglou Stur. Her Awe. He This record says you were born III 1SIMI. She Thnt la correct. How old would you say I nm? "till, almut fio." "You horrid thing! I'm not 23 yet! Yonkers Statesman. I ha tumbled It. "1 have bis'U told," anld she, as they snt In a shady corner of the iorch, "Hint you hnve rather grasping ills. IHisltltui." "You don't believe It, do you?" "Hear me, no. 1 have never seen you exhibit the least sign of catching on."- IudlnuaMills Journal. II Waau't Particular. Awful Swell No, my gtod man. hnw nevah carry mppahs. Tramp iMin't aologlza, me lord; sll rcr'll do Just as well for me. Cluclu. nntt F.nqulrcr. Waatad. "It's surprising how Impractical some Tery learned meU are." "Yes; there's Prof. Llngwist, for ex. ample, lie sjietit over half his life In acquiring a fluency In tilue or ten dif ferent languages, and then went aud married a wife who never glvea him a chance to get a word In edgewaya."-. Truth. Hhe Was "Me." A gentleman who has a telephone In his house has In his employ a faithful but stupid (ionium girl, who one day responded to the ringing of the tele phone U-ll. "Who Is there?" came orer the wire. "It Is I," replied Katrlna. "And who Is IT "Why, 1 am I." "Hut who la IT' came over the wire. "I am me, my own self," retorted Katrlna. "How should I be any out but me?" "Hut who are you?" ' "I am my own aelf." "What Is your tinme?" "Katrlna Hupiicr." "Well, who la Katrlna Rupnerf" "Hhe Is me. I. my own self." And w hen Katrlna heard laughter at the other end of the line she said, In dignantly: "1 rill not shtay hers to be made shoke of," and she walked away from the telephone, grumbling: "How could I be any one but me? 1 let 'em know bow to make a shoke of me!" Native Christian I'aatora In Ind'au Flfty years ago there were In India only twenty-one ordained Chrlstta pastors. Tbert are now about tfiOQ, i