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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (June 21, 1879)
Corloni Stories of Smuggling. LeUnrs Bonn. Perhaps the oddest phase of smuggling (for smuggling it really was) was patent in a practice which prevailed for several tears in Dover, and was carried on openly In full view of the preventives and nil the inhabitants of the town. About 1810-20 the fashion came op of wearing Leghorn bonnets of exorbitant dimensions. They were huge straw plaits, nenrly circular, and averaging about a yard in diameter; they sold in England at two to three or more guineas each, according to their quality, and nearly half their cost was the Juty paid on Importing them. Now, ac cording to the law, duty is not demanda ble on any article of dress worn by trav elers A clever dealer in Leghorns con trived to profit enormously by this law. He hired a numerous troop of the poorest women and girls, ragged, squalid, and wretched-looking creatures they were, to be sure and paid them almost a nominal fee for' accompanying him daily in his voyages to and from the French coast, contracting with the captain of one of the steamers for season tickets for the whole of them. The troop regularly left Dover in the morping with scarcely a handful of bonnet on their heads ; they dined at Calais if they could afford to dine, and came back in the afternoon, two or three score of them, each with a brand-oew Leghorn of fullest dimensions on her head ; the rag of bonnet worn in the morning being Btuffed in her pocket. On lunding they were all marched to the speculator's warehouse, denuded of their luxurious coiffures, and dismissed for the dav. A hundred times at least have I seen these forlorn and tattered purveyors of fashion both goin out and coming in, and 1 could tell the boat they traveled by while it was yet miles away, by the straw, colored amber lino which under a cloudy sky would glimmer like a streak of sun shine ere the hull of the vessel was dis tinctly visible. "A form of smuggling," says a writer in the Ml Mall Gazelle, " which is not likely soon to die out, is that practiced by tour ists, who think it allowable to shirk pay ing duty on things which they have bought for their own use. Public morals on this point are slightly elastic, and those of the gentler sex especially are nt to think that nothing compels them to declare' volumes of Touchnitz, eases of eau de Cologne, yards of Lyon silk, or pieces of Brussels lace. Here is a aiory which will illustrate feminine notions on this subject, and perhaps convey a moral: A Belgian bridegroom, being about to start for Taris on his bridal tour, was in formed by his bride that she thought of concealing several thousand francs' worth of lace about her, hoping by its sale to pay the cost of their journey. The bride groom was not smitten with this frugal project, and pointed out that there were Custom-House officers and female search ers at Ercquelines who were sometimes struck with an accountable fancy for ex amining passengers' pockets. This he said, being a timid man, and his bride, to humor him, promised to give up her plan, but then she secreted the lace at the same time without telling him about it. Now, as the train approached the French fron tier, the husband reflected that if his wife were not searched his fears would be mocked at as having been groundless, and he would start on his marriage career with prestige impaired. This was not de sirable; rather it was essential that he should from the very outset assert his in fallibility. So when the train stopped at Ercquelines and the passengers alighted the Belgian bridegroom left his bride s arm for a moment, and, siding up to a douanier, whispered, 'I think if you search that lady yonder you may find some luce.' The douanier winked; the happy bride was accosted with the invita tion to walk into the female searcher's room. She turned pale, tottered, but was led away, and five minutes later disma. sounds of hysterics were heard. Then the douanier reappeared, and said to the horrified husband, 'Thank you, sir; it's a good capture. The lady will be taken to prison, and half the fine will go to you.' This was a painful adventure, but it doos not follow that all husbands are so incon siderate, nor that all ladies who smuggle lace are caught." ... A more amusing anecdote on this sub ject was lately told at a public dinner by M. Ferdinand Duval, Prefect of the Seine. He said that the octroi men of Paris, who levy the municipal barrier dues, are a most vigilant set of fellows, but that, hav ing boasted of their merits, he (the Pre feet) had been caught. A friend of his, residing at St. Cloud, had made a small bet that he would Introduce a pig into Paris in bis brougham without the octroi men detecting it. M. Duval took the bet, and strict orders were given at all the gates of Paris to look out for the brougham of the friend in question. Within less than a week, however, the Prefect received the sum of 80 centimes, being the amount of duty leviable on the pig, and a request to come and assure himself that the quadru ped had been successfully smuggled in. It turned out that the pig, killed and scalded, had been driven into Paris seate triumphantly on the box beside the coach man. Since then the octroi men, it is said, stare with some fixity at plump women when they behold them on carriage boxes. A Princely Trial of an Old Experiment. Under the heading "The Prince of Wales' Courage," the London World relates the following incident: "The heir apparent and Dr. Lyon Playfair were standing near a caldron contain ing lead which was boiling at white heat. Has your Royal Highness any faith in science ?' said the Doctor. ' Cer tainly.' replied the Prince. Will you, then, place your hand in the boiling metal, and ladle out a portion of it?' Do you tell me to do this? ' asked the Prince. 'I do, replied the Doctor. The Prince then ladled out some of the boiling lead with his hand, with ont sustaining any injury. It is i well-known scientific fact that the human hand may be placed uninjured in lead boiling at white heat, being protected from any harm by the moisture of the skin. Should the lead be at a percepti bly lower temperature, the effect need not be described. After this let no one underrate the courage of the Prince of W ales. There seems a spice or Unnkey v'ism in this. The Prince may be supposed tn hfivn learned when he u a schoolboy that the experiment is perfectly safe. It requires a little " nerve " to perform it, to be sure, but can hardly be considered a severe test of one "courage. New mask veils are of Breton lace, and may be either black or white. The net covering the face has tiny dots wrought in it, usually two or three In a group, and the edge is finished with Breton lace two inches wide. Blaine thinks that Sherman is stalking Miscellaneous. Our enterprising tonsorial artist, Fred Hide, has painted his shop inside and out, and we understand from him he is going to make a regular palace of it be fore he stops. Success Fred. Modjeska while in Hartford was the guest of Mrs. Charles Dudley Warner, and she met Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowo, in whose ' Uncle Tom's Cabin " she played in Poland when ahe first went upon the stage. Father Giovanni, the famous Italian tenor, has become immensely fat, and continues to draw wonderful crowds to the Roman churches whenever he sings. To keep him in the church and from ac cepting the offers of operatic managers it is said that he has been given a more than princely salary. "Ha ! ha 1 there is blood on the moon," he cried, striking an attitude in imitation of the tragedian he had seen at the the ter the night before. "What, hoi ye black and midnight hag," when his mother suddenly walked into the bed room and spoiled the whole first act with a trunk strap." The will of Thad Stevens provides for the sale of his iron works. If after hi debts and bequests are paid there remain $50,000. a horse of refuge for homeless and indigent orphans is to bo built. The Bale will take place June 6, and it is ex pected that there will be a surplus of $75,000. The Emperor of Austria rises at five and retires early, being unable to attend opera every evening, as he would like to do. He likes neither Englishmen nor their literature. He has a soft, musical voice, and is a good dancer, a fine horse man and a crack f hot. Miss Delia Wheeler, aged sixty-five years, the only sister of Vice President wheeler, died suddenly at the home of the Vice President, at Malone, N. Y., re cently. Vice President Wheeler was ab sent in the Adirondack?, where his sister had prevailed upon him to go on account of his health. This is the epitaph which a wag wrote on the gravestone of a banker, who was notorious while he lived for extortiug men interest : Here lies old twenty-five per cent ; The more he got the less tie spent ; The more be got tho mora he craved ; If he gets to heaven we'll all be saved. A jolly tar, having strayed into a show at a fair, to have a look at the wild beasts, was much strueB with tbe sight or a lion and a tiger in the same den. "Why, Jack," said ho to a mess-mate, who was chewing a quid in Bilent amazement, " shouldn't wouderif next year they were to carry a sailor and a marine living peaceably together ! " " Ay," said his married companion, "or a man and his wife." A little ciil surprised a com nan v of vis itors by her knowledged of the Creator's works. At the dinner table alio ex claimed : "God made all this big world in just six days. God made me and every body else, lie made mamma, too, but tie forgot to put any linir on her head, and papa had to buy it for her." When the mother got through interviewing the young miss, after the company dispersed, the little one wished she hud been built like a washboiler. A man having buried his wife, waited on the grave digger, who had performed the necessary duties, to pay him his fees. Being of a niggardly disposition, be en deavored to get the knight of the spade to abate his charge. The patience of the latter being exhausted, lie grasped his shovel impulsively, and, with an angry look, exclaimed : " Doon wi another shilling, or up she comes." The threat had the desired eliect. Four thousand men assembled in a Boston theater to see a wrestling match. Thirty thousand persons in New York paid a dollar apiece to see three worn out men walking around a track. And when a clergyman announced on Sunday morning that a collection would be lifted in the evening to liquidate the debt of the church, three hundred persons as sembled, and the collection amounted to nine dollars and a half. A Westminister Justice taking a coach in the city, and being set down at Young man's Coffee-house, Charing Cross, the driver, demanded eighteen pence as his fair ; the Justice asked him if he would swear the ground came to the money. The man said he would take an oath on t. The Justice replied, "Friend, I'm a magis trate, and pulling the book out or his pocket, administered the oath, and then gave the fellow sixpence, saying, be must reserve the shilling to himself for the affidavit. Dean Swift having preached an assize sermon in Ireland, was invited to dine with the judges ; and having in his ser mon considered the use and abuse of the law, he pressed somewhat hard upon those counselors who plead causes which they knew In their consciences to be wrong. When dinner was over, and the glass began to go round, a young barrister retorted upon the Dean ; and after sev eral altercations, the counselor asked him: "If the devil was to die, whether a person might not be round, who, for money, would preach his funeral ?" "Yes," said Swift, "I would gladly be the man, and would give the devil his due, as I have this day done to his children." A Touching Incident, A lady in the street met a little girl be tween two and three years old, evidently mmA ..pviniv liittArltf TtlA lflHv tAnt the baby's hand and asked where she was " Down to find my papa," was the sob bing repiy. "What is your papa's name?1 asked the lady. "Hi name is nana." "But what is his other name? What does your mamma call him ?" "She calls him papa," persisted the lit- , 1 .M.tllM The lady then tried to lead her along, saying: " You bad better come with me ; I guess you came from this way." " Yes ; but I don't want to go back. I want to find my papa," replied the little girl, crying afresh as if her heart woum break. " What do you want of your papa? r asked the lady. " I want to kiss him." Just at this time a sister of the child, who had been searching for her, came along and took possession of the little runaway. From inquiry it appeared that the little one's papa, whom ahe was so earnestly seeking, had recently died, and he, tired of waiting for him to come home, had gone ont to find him. Ore- The Flower Girl. Murillo had just pnt the finishing touches to the picture that he had been engaged in painting for the church, San Jorge da la Caridad. The painting rep resented the ascent of the Virgin to Heaven. On a silver cloud upheld by angels stood the Madonna in all her en chanting beauty, with hands crossed on her chaste bosom, and her eyes uplifted, tilled with a look of deep devotednosa. Late one evening Murillo went to the church alone. He wished to stop in quiet reflection before his imago of the highest and most delightful inspiration, not from vanity, but from holy thought fulness, for he felt that he had lecn chosen by Providence to express in living colors for the children of earth this divine idea. The evening was peaceful and warm as snmnier. Odors of oranges and flowers filled the air, and a nightingale was sing ing in a poplar grove. The clearest moonlight trembled over the place and lit the w anderer's path. Deep in poeti cal thought, the artist stepjied into the dim and quiet church. It seemed to le empty, but, arrived at the end of the smaller passages that led to the choir where his picture was hung, Murillo saw, hidden behind a pillar, a young woman with a flower-basket in her arm, kneeling before the Madonna. Soon he heard these words from the rosy lips: " Holy Mother of God, never did I think thee so ravishingly beautiful ; my poor thoughts had not the power to cre ate for themselves anything so lovely. Oh, who then has succeeded in placing thee on the cloud ? Him will I offer my heart; on my knees will I creep to his feet and bathe them in tears of joyl Lower thy glance, open thy mouth, and tell me, tell me where shall I find the master! " " I am the master, what do yon wish of me, my good Fiorina V Do you wish, perhaps, to upraid me for ever having indifferently gone by your flowers ?" " Yon, beautiful youth, you are the master ? Oh, then, place your hand on my head and bless me. Every day here after will I offer thee a white lily and a fervent prayer," said Fiorina, dropping on her knees before him. Murillo stooped over the enthusiastic young woman, kissed her raven locks, and bade her not to forget the white flower. He then told her his name and dwelling place, bidding her to visit him after three days. With her flower-basket on her arm came Fiorina, according to agreement. When she saw Murillo, she held ont to him a large, silvery white lily, yet moist with the morning due. Smiling, the master accepted the gift, and taking the giver's hand, he led her before a covered picture and said: " l snail here present you, my gin, with a mirror, in which you will find earthly beauty and joy restored, so long as you are inwardly beautiful and good. Look at yourself often in the glass, and thank God so long as you can look with out blushing, and without a sigh. Should you wish also to stand, like the Madonna, on the cloud, surrounded by angels on, then, see that your mirror is always clear." Murillo then tore away the curtain, and on the uncovered canvas was a paint ing of Fiorina and her flowers, beneath which the master had written: "The Pretty Flower-girl of Seville." Kestle Nights. Some persons " toss and tumble " half the night and get up in the morning weary, unrefreshed and dispirited, wholly unfit, either in body or mind, for the duties of the day; they are not only incapacitated for business, but aro often rendered so ungracious in their manners, so irritable and fretful, as to spread a gloom and a cloud over the whole house hold. To be able to go to bed and be in a sound, delicious sleep, an unconscious (lolicionsness. in five minutes, but en joyed in its remembrance, is a great hap piness, an incalculable messing, ami one for which the most sincere and affection ate thanks should habitually go up to that beneficent Providence which vouch safes the same through the instrumental ities of a wise and self donying attention to the laws of our being. Restless nights, as to persons in ap parent good health, arise chiefly from, first, an overloaded stomach; second, from worldly care; third, from want of muscular activities proportioned to the needs of the system. Few will have restless nights who take dinner at mid day, and nothing after that except a cold piece of bread and butter and a cup or two of some hot drink; anything beyond that, as cako, pie, chipped beef, dough nuts, and the like, only tempt nature to eat when there is really no call for it, thus engendering dyspepsia and all its train of evils. Worldly care. For those who cannot sleep from the unsatisfactory condition of their affairs; or that they are about to encounter groat losses, whether from their own remissness, tho perfidy of friends, or unavoidable circumstances, we have a deep and sincere sympathy. To such we say, live hopefully for better days ahead, and meanwhile strive dili gently, persistently, and with a brave heart to that end. But the more common cause of restless nights is, that exercise has not been taken to make the body tired enough to demand sleep. Few will fail to sleep soundly if the whole of daylight, or as much thereof as will produce moderate fatigue, is spent in steady work in the open air, or on horseback, or on foot. Many spoil all their sleep by attempting to force more on nature than she re quires. Few persons will fail to sleep soundly, whilo they do sleep, if they avoid sleeping in the daytime, will go to bed at a regular hour and (heroically resolve to get np the moment they wake, whether it is at two, four, or six o'clock in the morning. In less tlian a week ? each one will find how mnch sleep his system requires; thereafter give it that, and no more. JMV$Juurnulof Health. Chicago boasts of a young lady of twenty-one, so cultured that when the other 'day. sounds of a thousand con secutive pigs nnder a thousand consecu- tive gates, wiui uncnuues a oi uie np ninarup of clapboard houses by torna does, issued from the yard in the rear of her paternal mansion, she said to the young man who was sitting in the parlor with her. and opined that there had W been a terrible accident : "O, no that is only pa and by brother Bobby having a trunk-strap recital in the wood shed. lloosehold Mot. A teaspoonful of spirits of ammonia added ta the rince-water will make rusty black goods look as good as new. Spirits of turpentine is good to take greese or drops of paint eut of cloth. tAp ply it until tho greuse can be scraped off. Common cement, such as is used for plastering cisterns, collars, etc., Is excel lent for scouring knives, forks, spoons and tinware. A teaspoonful of borax added to an or dinary kettle of hard water, in which it is allowed to boil, will effectually soften the water. Potatoes cut into small squares, and pnt into cruets or botiles with the water that istowash them will clean them quickly and thoroughly. Chalk and magnesia, rubbed on silk or ribbon that has been greasod, and hold near the tire, will absorb the greese so that it may brushed off. The tomato is a powerful apparent, and is a wonderfully effective curative ageut for liver and kidney affections. It is also a thorough remedy for dyspepsia. Pillows long used acquire a disagreeable odor. The ticks should be emptied and washed, the feathers put in a bag, and exposed to the heat of the sun for several hours. To keep seeds lrom the depredations of mice, mix somo camphor gum with the seeds. Camphor placed in trunks or drawers will prevent mice from doing them injury. Water snots may be removed from black crape by clapping it until dry. If dried before the spot was noticed, in will need to be dampened and then clapped in tho hands. Add two ounces of powdored alum and two ounces of borax to a twenty-barrel cistern of rain-water that is blackened or oily, and in a few hours the Bediment will settle, and the water bo clarified and fit for washing, and even for cooking pur poses. Dinner dishes and plates which have had greasy food upon them may be rubbed off with a little Indian meal be fore putting into water. They are thus prevented from making the water unfit for continued use, while the meal, saved by itself, is good for the pig or chickens. Select potatoes so that they be nearly of a size ; do not put them into the pot until the water boils. When done, pour off the water and remove the cover until tho steam is gone : then scatter in a half tea spoon tul ;oi salt and cover the pot with a towel. Watery potatoes will thus come out mealy. To revive old kid cloves, make a thick mucilage by boiling a handful of flax-seed; add a Tittle dissolved soap ; then, when the mixture cools, with a piece of white flannel wipe the gloves, previously fitted to the hand ; use only enough to take off the dirt, without wetting through the glove. A Poet's Married Wife. A writer in The London Athtnttum, dis coursing on the recent death of the widow of Walter Savage I.andor, says : "In 1810 Julia Thuillior was a bright- eyed little girl of 16, not much in society perhaps, put still lamous lor having soiter, tnieaer, ricner curis- tnan any woman in nam at a time wnen curis were at a premium there. She hud other qualities equally in demand, for, though 'without a shilling,' she had already had two of the most brilliant oflera of mar riage, one from a person of distinguished rank, the other from one of the richest commoners in England. Julia Thuillier, however, seems to have been of a roman tic, or rather, perhaps, of a self-indulgent turn, for she rejected the millionaire and the nobleman for the rare luxury of mar rying a poet. As usual in such cases, she suffered for the self-indulgence. "Landor could never really feel that ho wns old or setting old : this, very likely, is the peculiar privilege of genius. Tbe food are ever young. says Marie de Meranie to Philip Augus tus, in Dr. Marston's fine play. But, un fortunately, pretty gins, as a rule, are pre cisely those who never can take that view of matters. Lander and his wife had the inevitable family quarrels and made them up. Indeed, seeing how littlo of sympa thy there was between them, they really seem to have been, for a long time ex ceedingly forbearing with each other. Most people who knew Mrs. Lander as a young woman speak of her amiability and sweet charm of manner. ' I must do this little wife the justice,' said Robert Lander in one of his letters, 1 to say that I saw much of her about three years after her marriage, during a long journey through France and Italy, and that 1 leit ner witn egret and pity.' And even Armitsge Brown, in the letter justifying Landor, written to Landor at Landor's request, and which is manifestly biased, speaks of her kindness gracious uospiiaiuy 10 nun- Belf. But it is a pity that women cannot, for the comfort of men who never grow old, remain pretty girls during life. " Still, tho family jars seem never w have been serious till 1814, when Landor, considering it necessary to depart from England, and being met with objections to the step from his wife, a quarrel en sued, in which his wife, ia the presence of her vouuuer sister, struck home a kind of blow that was sure to rankle in his breast till the dav of his death ; she twit ted Knicnrus with the disparity between their nee! It was absolutely impossible that Landor, whose passion for youth was so stronir and so deep, could ever forgive this ; he never did. They afterward, to he sine, came tozether attain, and chii dren re born lo mem : but aucn a sore could never be healed, and, after quarrels nnumerable, Landor left her, and not all the persuasions or such kind and consid erate friends as he had could induce him to see her again. The issue of the mar riage consisted of one daughter and three sons. The eldest 01 vnese, air. Arnom Savage Landor, is now of Ispley Court, Warwickshire." Sew Use for Electricity. The. General Omnibus Company of Paris has for aome time past made use of lr-tricitv for subduing vicious norses. Rv the process adopted, infracting ani main iriven to biting, rearing and kicking, are rendered Inoffensive, and aubmit raratlv to be eroomed and harnessed To obtain this result a weak current of electricity is passed into tbe mouth of the hnrne each tine it becomes restive. The ill r.t the animal seems almost annihi lated. The current is produced by a small induction machine ot the Clarke system, it, irf of which communicate with the bit of the bridle. The employment of electricity is said to produce a tort or nn ..iinu or tomor rather than pain, and is much lew barbarous than many taming methods hitherto adopted. Greeley liked Gibbon. Womei as Carpenters. It is no doubt a refreshing sight to the male sex to see a woman assert herself as a carpenter. If anything will establish the superior ity of man or woman an exhibition of her skill in " using tools " will do it. There are various little jolts around a house which would come within a car penter's province, and no head of a fam ily likes to do them. He is never willing to take hold. And his wifo wants them done right up. The doors sag, or the windows stick, or the screws work out of the curtain fixtures, or the castors break on the dining-room table, or the cellar stiars got broken, or somebody tips back In a rocking-chair and splits the concern into two chairs, or some other breakage or damage occurs. The husband and father is busy reading about the last murder, or smoking a cigar not paid for, and he cannot attend to it. And the woman gets her indignation up, and says, " Well, she can do it herself." And she generally adds something to the effect that men aren't worth their salt, and she wishes she'd never been fool enough to tio herself to one. So there I Then she prepares to do the job her self. It is a curtain fixture to be put up this time. Curtain fixtures, you have proba bly noticed, never come the right length for any window that was ever constructed. She gots a chair, and arms herself with a screw-driver, and outs six screws in her mouth, and climbs on the chair with the fixtures in her hand, and finds that she can't reach the top of the window by three or four inches. She gets down, and in doing so her dress gets entangled in the chair-back and tears off a little fringo and a little knife-plaiting, and upsets a pot of gera nium on the window sill, and in attempt ing to save that she strikes her head against a bracket by the side of the win dow which holds a pot of oxalis, and comes down the oxalis aforesaid, and the pot breaks, and the earth is spilled all over the carpet, and the plant is demoral ized for lifo. Of course she opens her mouth to scream, and the screws fly out, and in jumping after them she drops the rest of the things, and has to begin anew. This she does when she has picked tip the pot and the plant, and swept away the dirt, und put somo camphor on her head whero it struck the bracket. If the husband and father Bhould offer to do the job for her now she would scorn his proposal. Her blood is up, and bIio will do it herself or perish in the attempt. She gathers together her implements again, and puts an ottoman in the chair, and climbs into another chair, and from that gets on the ottoman, aud stands mil a minute swaying backward and forward trying to get her balance just ritut ; for a woman standing noon anvthimr more than two feet from the ground is always dizzy-headed and expect to fall the next minute. She tries the screw-driver on the screws but there never wus any wood so hard as that window-casing. Ihe screws turn round livelv. but they do not take hold. She has got to have a gimlet to start them. So she has to get down again. The otto man comes with her, just for company, and fulls with a bounce on that sore joint in her foot which has bothered her so long. Being a woman she cannot relieve her feelings by swearing, but she does the next best thing she kicks the ottoman with the other foot, and stirs up her next surest Joint in doing bo. Husband and futhor looks innocent, and wants to know what alio has done, and ahe is a truo Christian if she can refruin from telling him It is none or his busi ness. . . . . A third tune she mounts that chair, and now she means business. You can see it in the way she com presses Iter lips over mose screws, auu plants her foot on that shaky ottoman, and jabs that dull gimlet into tho window molding. At last the soekots ior tne roner to turn In am 11 n. a little "showing" perhaps; but never mind they are up. And if the curtain does roll one side, whose bus iness is it? Husband and father takes time enough from his occupation to mildly inform her that in his judgment, one of the sockets is put up an inch higher than the other. Did you ever hear a womon's reply on such an occasion? It could not well be recorded In words. You would want to see her face in order to get the full meaning of her answer. She tries the roller, it is about a 1001 too long. It must be sawed off. Where i the saw? She stops and considers. Tho head of the family had it last to cut off an apple-tree limb with, she thinks; but she will not ask hira anything about it. Not she ! she scorns to humor mm so much. She will hunt it up. So she gets down again and searches in the wood shed, and in the stable, and un der the kitchen sink, and up in the open attic, and finds it at last down cellar on the moat barrel, with about half an Inch of rust on it and the handle loose. She takes the roller and lays it on two chairs, and begins to saw. The saw is just like the screws it doesn't take hold. She gives a vicious dig with it and cute a groove a couple of inches long in one of her bert walnut chair frames, but does not o much as scar the roller. Another attempt. The saw takes hold in one place cuts a little, then slips and goes over two or three inches of the length of the roner, tuning bu iok, "uu sending the sawdust every which way. Husband and father tells her she doesn't hold her saw right. "Mad clear through" as she afterward tells her confi dential next-door neigimor, sue manes desperate effort, and the thing is sawed in two. l es, sin is uuuei No words can describe tne inumpn which fills her soul as she climbs once more on that ottoman and tries it in the sockets. At least two Inches two long ! Dcnrtiwed In mind but not in manner, she gets down again and determine it shall be short enough this time. The same thing is gone through with as regards tbe saw, and again the roller is cut. Half an inch too short this time. VM. the has eot another fixture. Shell fix that. She won't be beat out. She'll i,ov that curtain ut. So she get the other fixture, and by dint of beina extra careful it is sawed to lust the right length. Then she gets the Uci-nammer mu uu; mo vuiuim w mo roller, and pouncU on one finger and both ft MlfnlksV And drives two tacks Ibrongh the curtain where they ought not to be, and i-rooki ud abont twenty more; and then ha Hups, curtain in band, to put it np. She finds one of the sockets must be moved a little. It "seta In" too much at tbe bono. Khu haa nut the screw-driver and etm u mm.r woman-like. A man new would have left them right there on tbe floor till he had wanted them again, ao's to have tbm handy. Ibereusgreaiau- ference in the way a man does things when compared with a woman's way. She brings them back, and gets out the screws, and starts them right, and then the handle ol tho screw-driver comes out. It always does when a woman is using it. She drives It in with the tack-hammer, and proceeds. At last the curtain ia up and it will roll if you hold on to the bot tom of it and sort of coax it along; but no nnpracticed hand should ever tout h it. And the woman who fixed it will brag next day to her friend about the way she can handle tools, and point to that cur tain aa an example of what she can do; and they will compare notes on their husbands, and decide that one smart wo man ia worth two men. Tobacco lrt.de fur 1878. The New York Chamber of Commerce, which is the oldest commercial institu tion in Ihe United States, has just issued its twenty-first annual report. The report presents many encouraging symptoms of a return of confidence and a revival of commercial enterprise, indicating that the country is at the outset of a period of national prosperity. The report, among other valuable material, contains theeum maries of the entire commereo of the United States, and comparisons showing the increase and decrease of exports and imports at the different ports for the pres ent and previous years. The tobacco trade as a whole, it is remarked, has not realised tho expectations entertained of it. The trade in leaf tobacco has been an exception, and the sales have largely ex ceeded those of any previous year. The trade in foreign kinds was sluggish until tho closo of the year, when all tho desira ble remains of the old crop were taken np nt advance figures. Both the receipts of leaf in hogsheads from the interior at the port of New York and tho exports to for eign countries in 1878 were largoly in ex cess of the preceding year ; the one being over 40, tho other 25 per cent in excess. The Ikvibury New says a Russian agent was in Danbnry to buy up a lot of steamships, but failing to complete sat isfactory negotiations, he took two shirts from a clothes-line belonging to Mori arity, and returned to Russia. 'According to the honueopathists, like cures like ; but does love cure love ? Ma'am? Mr. Lester Ws I lack's engagements in Cincinnati, St. Louis und Chicago are dis appointments. In Cincinnati the gross receipts did not reach the amount of cer tainty he received. In St. Louis the man agement lost ubout $1000 on the week, and he is a failure in Chlcngo, where he plays this week at llaverly's Theater. A man blew out his brains in Indianap olis the other day, with a shot-gun loaded with water. We have heard of men get ting "shot " with bad whisky, but never before with water. Cincinnati Enquirer. Did you ever hear of a death from water ou the brain ? But what does a Cincinnatlan know of water, anyhow ? Mdllo. Sarah Bernhardt, the actress, the painter, the sculptor and the lecturer, is about to make hor debut as an art critic, having undertaken to supply a series of criticisms on the Paris Solon of 1870. In honor of Mdlle. Barnhardl's new uvoca tion a new word has been coined, and the talented lady will in future add the appel lation of Salonnierlo to her other numer ous qualifications. Mr. Martin was a conductor on an Iowa railroad. He is a church member, and at a recent revival meeting told what the Lord had done for him. Among other things he said he run his caboose car from Cedar Kaplds to Pottsville without a flange on one wheel. He had faith the lxrd would keep the caboose on the track, and He did. It was not long after be received an epistle from the general , superintendent which begun "oung man, I don't believe the thus : Lord has anything to do with running freight trains," and now Martin has no caboose to run on the faith principle. Prince Bismarck, in his recent work. Sives the following pretty little anec ote: "One day I whs walking with the hm press or Hushiu In the Summer Gar den of St. Petersburg, when, coming up on a sentinel in the center of a lawn, I took the liberty of inquiring why the man ..i I .1...... qi. L' ..... i: l .. wnn jJilli-uu tuuio. jiujimur uiu nub know. The adjutant did not know. Tbe sentinel did not know, except that he had been orderod there. Ihe adjutant was then dispatched to ask the officer of the watch, whose reply turned with tne senti nel's" Ordered." Cufiosity awakened, military records were searched, without yielding any satisfactory solution. At last an old serving man was routed out, who remembered hearing his father relate that tho hmpresa Catherine II., 100 years ago, had found a snowdrop on that particular spot, and gave orders to protect it from being plucked. 10 oiner uevice could do thouuht of than guarding it by a sentinel. The erder once issued was left in force for a century." Iowa takes the lead in educating young women to be useful and capablo wives. It has a college in which every girl ia trained in the practical duties and accom- hshments of the skilled housewife, if is said of each girl of the junior class of this institution that she has learned to make good bread, weighing and measur ing her ingredients, mixing, kneading and baking and regulating her fire. Each has also been taught to make yeast and bake biscuit, puddings, pies and cake of various kinds; how to cook a roast, broil a steak and make a fragrant cup of coffee, how to stuff and roast a turkey, make an oyster soup, prepare a stock for other soups, steam and mash potatoes so that they will melt In tne mouth; and in short, to prepare a first class meal. Neab Anaheim is located the " Societaa Fratemia." Its members are Spiritual ists. They eat no meat of any kind, no eggs, milk, butter, cheese, bread; in fact, nothing but fruits ana vegetables, ana then only such as can be eaten uncooked. They believe that nature furnishes every thing that is necessary for man's subsis tence. Nothing passes their lips except that which grows from the ground, and it must be eaten jnst as it grows. They hold that it ia sinful to diet npon dried or preserved fruit as it wonld be to lunch on toast beef, plum pudding and limber ger cheese. They run to the very ex treme of vegetarianism. They run to the extreme in everything. There is no sep arate property, everything being held in common. Neither does the Society want to accumulate wealth; nature furnishes them with food, and they have little need of money. It ia needless to say that they hold the marriage ceremony ia contempt. ahead.