Corloni Stories of Smuggling.
LeUnrs Bonn.
Perhaps the oddest phase of smuggling
(for smuggling it really was) was patent
in a practice which prevailed for several
tears in Dover, and was carried on openly
In full view of the preventives and nil the
inhabitants of the town. About 1810-20
the fashion came op of wearing Leghorn
bonnets of exorbitant dimensions. They
were huge straw plaits, nenrly circular,
and averaging about a yard in diameter;
they sold in England at two to three or
more guineas each, according to their
quality, and nearly half their cost was the
Juty paid on Importing them. Now, ac
cording to the law, duty is not demanda
ble on any article of dress worn by trav
elers A clever dealer in Leghorns con
trived to profit enormously by this law.
He hired a numerous troop of the poorest
women and girls, ragged, squalid, and
wretched-looking creatures they were, to
be sure and paid them almost a nominal
fee for' accompanying him daily in his
voyages to and from the French coast,
contracting with the captain of one of the
steamers for season tickets for the whole
of them. The troop regularly left Dover
in the morping with scarcely a handful of
bonnet on their heads ; they dined at
Calais if they could afford to dine, and
came back in the afternoon, two or three
score of them, each with a brand-oew
Leghorn of fullest dimensions on her
head ; the rag of bonnet worn in the
morning being Btuffed in her pocket. On
lunding they were all marched to the
speculator's warehouse, denuded of their
luxurious coiffures, and dismissed for the
dav. A hundred times at least have I
seen these forlorn and tattered purveyors
of fashion both goin out and coming in,
and 1 could tell the boat they traveled by
while it was yet miles away, by the straw,
colored amber lino which under a cloudy
sky would glimmer like a streak of sun
shine ere the hull of the vessel was dis
tinctly visible.
"A form of smuggling," says a writer in
the Ml Mall Gazelle, " which is not likely
soon to die out, is that practiced by tour
ists, who think it allowable to shirk pay
ing duty on things which they have
bought for their own use. Public morals
on this point are slightly elastic, and
those of the gentler sex especially are
nt to think that nothing compels them
to declare' volumes of Touchnitz, eases
of eau de Cologne, yards of Lyon silk, or
pieces of Brussels lace. Here is a aiory
which will illustrate feminine notions on
this subject, and perhaps convey a moral:
A Belgian bridegroom, being about to
start for Taris on his bridal tour, was in
formed by his bride that she thought of
concealing several thousand francs' worth
of lace about her, hoping by its sale to
pay the cost of their journey. The bride
groom was not smitten with this frugal
project, and pointed out that there were
Custom-House officers and female search
ers at Ercquelines who were sometimes
struck with an accountable fancy for ex
amining passengers' pockets. This he
said, being a timid man, and his bride, to
humor him, promised to give up her plan,
but then she secreted the lace at the same
time without telling him about it. Now,
as the train approached the French fron
tier, the husband reflected that if his wife
were not searched his fears would be
mocked at as having been groundless, and
he would start on his marriage career
with prestige impaired. This was not de
sirable; rather it was essential that he
should from the very outset assert his in
fallibility. So when the train stopped at
Ercquelines and the passengers alighted
the Belgian bridegroom left his bride s
arm for a moment, and, siding up to a
douanier, whispered, 'I think if you
search that lady yonder you may find
some luce.' The douanier winked; the
happy bride was accosted with the invita
tion to walk into the female searcher's
room. She turned pale, tottered, but was
led away, and five minutes later disma.
sounds of hysterics were heard. Then
the douanier reappeared, and said to the
horrified husband, 'Thank you, sir; it's a
good capture. The lady will be taken to
prison, and half the fine will go to you.'
This was a painful adventure, but it doos
not follow that all husbands are so incon
siderate, nor that all ladies who smuggle
lace are caught." ...
A more amusing anecdote on this sub
ject was lately told at a public dinner by
M. Ferdinand Duval, Prefect of the Seine.
He said that the octroi men of Paris, who
levy the municipal barrier dues, are a
most vigilant set of fellows, but that, hav
ing boasted of their merits, he (the Pre
feet) had been caught. A friend of his,
residing at St. Cloud, had made a small bet
that he would Introduce a pig into Paris
in bis brougham without the octroi men
detecting it. M. Duval took the bet, and
strict orders were given at all the gates of
Paris to look out for the brougham of the
friend in question. Within less than a
week, however, the Prefect received the
sum of 80 centimes, being the amount of
duty leviable on the pig, and a request to
come and assure himself that the quadru
ped had been successfully smuggled in.
It turned out that the pig, killed and
scalded, had been driven into Paris seate
triumphantly on the box beside the coach
man. Since then the octroi men, it is said,
stare with some fixity at plump women
when they behold them on carriage boxes.
A Princely Trial of an Old Experiment.
Under the heading "The Prince of
Wales' Courage," the London World
relates the following incident: "The
heir apparent and Dr. Lyon Playfair
were standing near a caldron contain
ing lead which was boiling at white
heat. Has your Royal Highness any
faith in science ?' said the Doctor. ' Cer
tainly.' replied the Prince. Will you,
then, place your hand in the boiling
metal, and ladle out a portion of it?'
Do you tell me to do this? ' asked the
Prince. 'I do, replied the Doctor.
The Prince then ladled out some of
the boiling lead with his hand, with
ont sustaining any injury. It is i
well-known scientific fact that the human
hand may be placed uninjured in lead
boiling at white heat, being protected
from any harm by the moisture of the
skin. Should the lead be at a percepti
bly lower temperature, the effect need
not be described. After this let no one
underrate the courage of the Prince of
W ales. There seems a spice or Unnkey
v'ism in this. The Prince may be supposed
tn hfivn learned when he u a schoolboy
that the experiment is perfectly safe. It
requires a little " nerve " to perform it,
to be sure, but can hardly be considered
a severe test of one "courage.
New mask veils are of Breton lace, and
may be either black or white. The net
covering the face has tiny dots wrought in
it, usually two or three In a group, and
the edge is finished with Breton lace two
inches wide.
Blaine thinks that Sherman is stalking
Miscellaneous.
Our enterprising tonsorial artist, Fred
Hide, has painted his shop inside and
out, and we understand from him he is
going to make a regular palace of it be
fore he stops. Success Fred.
Modjeska while in Hartford was the
guest of Mrs. Charles Dudley Warner,
and she met Mrs. Harriet Beecher
Stowo, in whose ' Uncle Tom's Cabin "
she played in Poland when ahe first
went upon the stage.
Father Giovanni, the famous Italian
tenor, has become immensely fat, and
continues to draw wonderful crowds to
the Roman churches whenever he sings.
To keep him in the church and from ac
cepting the offers of operatic managers it
is said that he has been given a more than
princely salary.
"Ha ! ha 1 there is blood on the moon,"
he cried, striking an attitude in imitation
of the tragedian he had seen at the the
ter the night before. "What, hoi ye
black and midnight hag," when his
mother suddenly walked into the bed
room and spoiled the whole first act with
a trunk strap."
The will of Thad Stevens provides for
the sale of his iron works. If after hi
debts and bequests are paid there remain
$50,000. a horse of refuge for homeless
and indigent orphans is to bo built. The
Bale will take place June 6, and it is ex
pected that there will be a surplus of
$75,000.
The Emperor of Austria rises at five
and retires early, being unable to attend
opera every evening, as he would like to
do. He likes neither Englishmen nor
their literature. He has a soft, musical
voice, and is a good dancer, a fine horse
man and a crack f hot.
Miss Delia Wheeler, aged sixty-five
years, the only sister of Vice President
wheeler, died suddenly at the home of
the Vice President, at Malone, N. Y., re
cently. Vice President Wheeler was ab
sent in the Adirondack?, where his sister
had prevailed upon him to go on account
of his health.
This is the epitaph which a wag wrote
on the gravestone of a banker, who was
notorious while he lived for extortiug
men interest :
Here lies old twenty-five per cent ;
The more he got the less tie spent ;
The more be got tho mora he craved ;
If he gets to heaven we'll all be saved.
A jolly tar, having strayed into a show
at a fair, to have a look at the wild beasts,
was much strueB with tbe sight or a lion
and a tiger in the same den. "Why,
Jack," said ho to a mess-mate, who was
chewing a quid in Bilent amazement,
" shouldn't wouderif next year they were
to carry a sailor and a marine living
peaceably together ! " " Ay," said his
married companion, "or a man and his
wife."
A little ciil surprised a com nan v of vis
itors by her knowledged of the Creator's
works. At the dinner table alio ex
claimed : "God made all this big world in
just six days. God made me and every
body else, lie made mamma, too, but tie
forgot to put any linir on her head, and
papa had to buy it for her." When the
mother got through interviewing the
young miss, after the company dispersed,
the little one wished she hud been built
like a washboiler.
A man having buried his wife, waited
on the grave digger, who had performed
the necessary duties, to pay him his fees.
Being of a niggardly disposition, be en
deavored to get the knight of the spade to
abate his charge. The patience of the
latter being exhausted, lie grasped his
shovel impulsively, and, with an angry
look, exclaimed : " Doon wi another
shilling, or up she comes." The threat
had the desired eliect.
Four thousand men assembled in a
Boston theater to see a wrestling match.
Thirty thousand persons in New York
paid a dollar apiece to see three worn
out men walking around a track. And
when a clergyman announced on Sunday
morning that a collection would be lifted
in the evening to liquidate the debt of
the church, three hundred persons as
sembled, and the collection amounted to
nine dollars and a half.
A Westminister Justice taking a coach
in the city, and being set down at Young
man's Coffee-house, Charing Cross, the
driver, demanded eighteen pence as his
fair ; the Justice asked him if he would
swear the ground came to the money.
The man said he would take an oath on t.
The Justice replied, "Friend, I'm a magis
trate, and pulling the book out or his
pocket, administered the oath, and then
gave the fellow sixpence, saying, be must
reserve the shilling to himself for the
affidavit.
Dean Swift having preached an assize
sermon in Ireland, was invited to dine
with the judges ; and having in his ser
mon considered the use and abuse of the
law, he pressed somewhat hard upon
those counselors who plead causes which
they knew In their consciences to be
wrong. When dinner was over, and the
glass began to go round, a young barrister
retorted upon the Dean ; and after sev
eral altercations, the counselor asked him:
"If the devil was to die, whether a person
might not be round, who, for money,
would preach his funeral ?" "Yes," said
Swift, "I would gladly be the man, and
would give the devil his due, as I have
this day done to his children."
A Touching Incident,
A lady in the street met a little girl be
tween two and three years old, evidently
mmA ..pviniv liittArltf TtlA lflHv tAnt
the baby's hand and asked where she was
" Down to find my papa," was the sob
bing repiy.
"What is your papa's name?1 asked
the lady.
"Hi name is nana."
"But what is his other name? What
does your mamma call him ?"
"She calls him papa," persisted the lit-
, 1 .M.tllM
The lady then tried to lead her along,
saying:
" You bad better come with me ; I guess
you came from this way."
" Yes ; but I don't want to go back. I
want to find my papa," replied the little
girl, crying afresh as if her heart woum
break.
" What do you want of your papa? r
asked the lady.
" I want to kiss him."
Just at this time a sister of the child,
who had been searching for her, came
along and took possession of the little
runaway. From inquiry it appeared that
the little one's papa, whom ahe was so
earnestly seeking, had recently died, and
he, tired of waiting for him to come
home, had gone ont to find him. Ore-
The Flower Girl.
Murillo had just pnt the finishing
touches to the picture that he had been
engaged in painting for the church, San
Jorge da la Caridad. The painting rep
resented the ascent of the Virgin to
Heaven. On a silver cloud upheld by
angels stood the Madonna in all her en
chanting beauty, with hands crossed on
her chaste bosom, and her eyes uplifted,
tilled with a look of deep devotednosa.
Late one evening Murillo went to the
church alone. He wished to stop in
quiet reflection before his imago of the
highest and most delightful inspiration,
not from vanity, but from holy thought
fulness, for he felt that he had lecn
chosen by Providence to express in living
colors for the children of earth this
divine idea.
The evening was peaceful and warm as
snmnier. Odors of oranges and flowers
filled the air, and a nightingale was sing
ing in a poplar grove. The clearest
moonlight trembled over the place and
lit the w anderer's path. Deep in poeti
cal thought, the artist stepjied into the
dim and quiet church. It seemed to le
empty, but, arrived at the end of the
smaller passages that led to the choir
where his picture was hung, Murillo
saw, hidden behind a pillar, a young
woman with a flower-basket in her arm,
kneeling before the Madonna. Soon he
heard these words from the rosy lips:
" Holy Mother of God, never did I
think thee so ravishingly beautiful ; my
poor thoughts had not the power to cre
ate for themselves anything so lovely.
Oh, who then has succeeded in placing
thee on the cloud ? Him will I offer my
heart; on my knees will I creep to his
feet and bathe them in tears of joyl
Lower thy glance, open thy mouth, and
tell me, tell me where shall I find the
master! "
" I am the master, what do yon wish
of me, my good Fiorina V Do you wish,
perhaps, to upraid me for ever having
indifferently gone by your flowers ?"
" Yon, beautiful youth, you are the
master ? Oh, then, place your hand on
my head and bless me. Every day here
after will I offer thee a white lily and a
fervent prayer," said Fiorina, dropping
on her knees before him. Murillo
stooped over the enthusiastic young
woman, kissed her raven locks, and bade
her not to forget the white flower. He
then told her his name and dwelling
place, bidding her to visit him after three
days.
With her flower-basket on her arm
came Fiorina, according to agreement.
When she saw Murillo, she held ont to
him a large, silvery white lily, yet moist
with the morning due. Smiling, the
master accepted the gift, and taking the
giver's hand, he led her before a covered
picture and said:
" l snail here present you, my gin,
with a mirror, in which you will find
earthly beauty and joy restored, so long
as you are inwardly beautiful and good.
Look at yourself often in the glass, and
thank God so long as you can look with
out blushing, and without a sigh. Should
you wish also to stand, like the Madonna,
on the cloud, surrounded by angels on,
then, see that your mirror is always
clear."
Murillo then tore away the curtain,
and on the uncovered canvas was a paint
ing of Fiorina and her flowers, beneath
which the master had written: "The
Pretty Flower-girl of Seville."
Kestle Nights.
Some persons " toss and tumble " half
the night and get up in the morning
weary, unrefreshed and dispirited,
wholly unfit, either in body or mind, for
the duties of the day; they are not only
incapacitated for business, but aro often
rendered so ungracious in their manners,
so irritable and fretful, as to spread a
gloom and a cloud over the whole house
hold. To be able to go to bed and be in
a sound, delicious sleep, an unconscious
(lolicionsness. in five minutes, but en
joyed in its remembrance, is a great hap
piness, an incalculable messing, ami one
for which the most sincere and affection
ate thanks should habitually go up to
that beneficent Providence which vouch
safes the same through the instrumental
ities of a wise and self donying attention
to the laws of our being.
Restless nights, as to persons in ap
parent good health, arise chiefly from,
first, an overloaded stomach; second,
from worldly care; third, from want of
muscular activities proportioned to the
needs of the system. Few will have
restless nights who take dinner at mid
day, and nothing after that except a cold
piece of bread and butter and a cup or
two of some hot drink; anything beyond
that, as cako, pie, chipped beef, dough
nuts, and the like, only tempt nature to
eat when there is really no call for it,
thus engendering dyspepsia and all its
train of evils.
Worldly care. For those who cannot
sleep from the unsatisfactory condition
of their affairs; or that they are about to
encounter groat losses, whether from
their own remissness, tho perfidy of
friends, or unavoidable circumstances,
we have a deep and sincere sympathy.
To such we say, live hopefully for better
days ahead, and meanwhile strive dili
gently, persistently, and with a brave
heart to that end.
But the more common cause of restless
nights is, that exercise has not been
taken to make the body tired enough to
demand sleep. Few will fail to sleep
soundly if the whole of daylight, or as
much thereof as will produce moderate
fatigue, is spent in steady work in the
open air, or on horseback, or on foot.
Many spoil all their sleep by attempting
to force more on nature than she re
quires. Few persons will fail to sleep
soundly, whilo they do sleep, if they
avoid sleeping in the daytime, will go to
bed at a regular hour and (heroically
resolve to get np the moment they wake,
whether it is at two, four, or six o'clock
in the morning. In less tlian a week
? each one will find how mnch sleep his
system requires; thereafter give it that,
and no more. JMV$Juurnulof Health.
Chicago boasts of a young lady of
twenty-one, so cultured that when the
other 'day. sounds of a thousand con
secutive pigs nnder a thousand consecu-
tive gates, wiui uncnuues a oi uie np
ninarup of clapboard houses by torna
does, issued from the yard in the rear of
her paternal mansion, she said to the
young man who was sitting in the parlor
with her. and opined that there had
W been a terrible accident : "O, no
that is only pa and by brother Bobby
having a trunk-strap recital in the wood
shed.
lloosehold Mot.
A teaspoonful of spirits of ammonia
added ta the rince-water will make rusty
black goods look as good as new.
Spirits of turpentine is good to take
greese or drops of paint eut of cloth. tAp
ply it until tho greuse can be scraped off.
Common cement, such as is used for
plastering cisterns, collars, etc., Is excel
lent for scouring knives, forks, spoons and
tinware.
A teaspoonful of borax added to an or
dinary kettle of hard water, in which it is
allowed to boil, will effectually soften the
water.
Potatoes cut into small squares, and pnt
into cruets or botiles with the water that
istowash them will clean them quickly
and thoroughly.
Chalk and magnesia, rubbed on silk or
ribbon that has been greasod, and hold
near the tire, will absorb the greese so
that it may brushed off.
The tomato is a powerful apparent, and
is a wonderfully effective curative ageut
for liver and kidney affections. It is also
a thorough remedy for dyspepsia.
Pillows long used acquire a disagreeable
odor. The ticks should be emptied and
washed, the feathers put in a bag, and
exposed to the heat of the sun for several
hours.
To keep seeds lrom the depredations of
mice, mix somo camphor gum with the
seeds. Camphor placed in trunks or
drawers will prevent mice from doing
them injury.
Water snots may be removed from black
crape by clapping it until dry. If dried
before the spot was noticed, in will need
to be dampened and then clapped in tho
hands.
Add two ounces of powdored alum and
two ounces of borax to a twenty-barrel
cistern of rain-water that is blackened or
oily, and in a few hours the Bediment
will settle, and the water bo clarified and
fit for washing, and even for cooking pur
poses. Dinner dishes and plates which have
had greasy food upon them may be
rubbed off with a little Indian meal be
fore putting into water. They are thus
prevented from making the water unfit
for continued use, while the meal, saved
by itself, is good for the pig or chickens.
Select potatoes so that they be nearly of
a size ; do not put them into the pot until
the water boils. When done, pour off the
water and remove the cover until tho
steam is gone : then scatter in a half tea
spoon tul ;oi salt and cover the pot with a
towel. Watery potatoes will thus come
out mealy.
To revive old kid cloves, make a thick
mucilage by boiling a handful of flax-seed;
add a Tittle dissolved soap ; then, when
the mixture cools, with a piece of white
flannel wipe the gloves, previously fitted
to the hand ; use only enough to take off
the dirt, without wetting through the
glove.
A Poet's Married Wife.
A writer in The London Athtnttum, dis
coursing on the recent death of the widow
of Walter Savage I.andor, says :
"In 1810 Julia Thuillior was a bright-
eyed little girl of 16, not much in society
perhaps, put still lamous lor having
soiter, tnieaer, ricner curis- tnan any
woman in nam at a time wnen curis
were at a premium there. She hud other
qualities equally in demand, for, though
'without a shilling,' she had already had
two of the most brilliant oflera of mar
riage, one from a person of distinguished
rank, the other from one of the richest
commoners in England. Julia Thuillier,
however, seems to have been of a roman
tic, or rather, perhaps, of a self-indulgent
turn, for she rejected the millionaire and
the nobleman for the rare luxury of mar
rying a poet. As usual in such cases, she
suffered for the self-indulgence.
"Landor could never really feel that ho
wns old or setting old : this, very likely, is
the peculiar privilege of genius.
Tbe food are ever young.
says Marie de Meranie to Philip Augus
tus, in Dr. Marston's fine play. But, un
fortunately, pretty gins, as a rule, are pre
cisely those who never can take that view
of matters. Lander and his wife had the
inevitable family quarrels and made them
up. Indeed, seeing how littlo of sympa
thy there was between them, they really
seem to have been, for a long time ex
ceedingly forbearing with each other.
Most people who knew Mrs. Lander as a
young woman speak of her amiability and
sweet charm of manner. ' I must do this
little wife the justice,' said Robert Lander
in one of his letters, 1 to say that I saw
much of her about three years after her
marriage, during a long journey through
France and Italy, and that 1 leit ner witn
egret and pity.' And even Armitsge
Brown, in the letter justifying Landor,
written to Landor at Landor's request,
and which is manifestly biased, speaks of
her kindness gracious uospiiaiuy 10 nun-
Belf. But it is a pity that women cannot,
for the comfort of men who never grow
old, remain pretty girls during life.
" Still, tho family jars seem never w
have been serious till 1814, when Landor,
considering it necessary to depart from
England, and being met with objections
to the step from his wife, a quarrel en
sued, in which his wife, ia the presence
of her vouuuer sister, struck home a kind
of blow that was sure to rankle in his
breast till the dav of his death ; she twit
ted Knicnrus with the disparity between
their nee! It was absolutely impossible
that Landor, whose passion for youth was
so stronir and so deep, could ever forgive
this ; he never did. They afterward, to
he sine, came tozether attain, and chii
dren re born lo mem : but aucn a sore
could never be healed, and, after quarrels
nnumerable, Landor left her, and not all
the persuasions or such kind and consid
erate friends as he had could induce him
to see her again. The issue of the mar
riage consisted of one daughter and three
sons. The eldest 01 vnese, air. Arnom
Savage Landor, is now of Ispley Court,
Warwickshire."
Sew Use for Electricity.
The. General Omnibus Company of
Paris has for aome time past made use of
lr-tricitv for subduing vicious norses.
Rv the process adopted, infracting ani
main iriven to biting, rearing and kicking,
are rendered Inoffensive, and aubmit
raratlv to be eroomed and harnessed
To obtain this result a weak current of
electricity is passed into tbe mouth of the
hnrne each tine it becomes restive. The
ill r.t the animal seems almost annihi
lated. The current is produced by a small
induction machine ot the Clarke system,
it, irf of which communicate with the
bit of the bridle. The employment of
electricity is said to produce a tort or nn
..iinu or tomor rather than pain, and
is much lew barbarous than many taming
methods hitherto adopted.
Greeley liked Gibbon.
Womei as Carpenters.
It is no doubt a refreshing sight to the
male sex to see a woman assert herself as
a carpenter.
If anything will establish the superior
ity of man or woman an exhibition of her
skill in " using tools " will do it.
There are various little jolts around a
house which would come within a car
penter's province, and no head of a fam
ily likes to do them. He is never willing
to take hold. And his wifo wants them
done right up. The doors sag, or the
windows stick, or the screws work out of
the curtain fixtures, or the castors break
on the dining-room table, or the cellar
stiars got broken, or somebody tips back
In a rocking-chair and splits the concern
into two chairs, or some other breakage
or damage occurs.
The husband and father is busy reading
about the last murder, or smoking a cigar
not paid for, and he cannot attend to it.
And the woman gets her indignation up,
and says, " Well, she can do it herself."
And she generally adds something to the
effect that men aren't worth their salt,
and she wishes she'd never been fool
enough to tio herself to one. So there I
Then she prepares to do the job her
self. It is a curtain fixture to be put up this
time. Curtain fixtures, you have proba
bly noticed, never come the right length
for any window that was ever constructed.
She gots a chair, and arms herself with
a screw-driver, and outs six screws in her
mouth, and climbs on the chair with the
fixtures in her hand, and finds that she
can't reach the top of the window by
three or four inches.
She gets down, and in doing so her
dress gets entangled in the chair-back
and tears off a little fringo and a little
knife-plaiting, and upsets a pot of gera
nium on the window sill, and in attempt
ing to save that she strikes her head
against a bracket by the side of the win
dow which holds a pot of oxalis, and
comes down the oxalis aforesaid, and the
pot breaks, and the earth is spilled all
over the carpet, and the plant is demoral
ized for lifo.
Of course she opens her mouth to
scream, and the screws fly out, and in
jumping after them she drops the rest of
the things, and has to begin anew. This
she does when she has picked tip the
pot and the plant, and swept away the
dirt, und put somo camphor on her head
whero it struck the bracket.
If the husband and father Bhould offer
to do the job for her now she would scorn
his proposal. Her blood is up, and bIio
will do it herself or perish in the attempt.
She gathers together her implements
again, and puts an ottoman in the chair,
and climbs into another chair, and from
that gets on the ottoman, aud stands mil
a minute swaying backward and forward
trying to get her balance just ritut ; for a
woman standing noon anvthimr more
than two feet from the ground is always
dizzy-headed and expect to fall the next
minute.
She tries the screw-driver on the screws
but there never wus any wood so hard as
that window-casing. Ihe screws turn
round livelv. but they do not take hold.
She has got to have a gimlet to start them.
So she has to get down again. The otto
man comes with her, just for company,
and fulls with a bounce on that sore joint
in her foot which has bothered her so
long. Being a woman she cannot relieve
her feelings by swearing, but she does the
next best thing she kicks the ottoman
with the other foot, and stirs up her next
surest Joint in doing bo.
Husband and futhor looks innocent, and
wants to know what alio has done, and
ahe is a truo Christian if she can refruin
from telling him It is none or his busi
ness. . . . .
A third tune she mounts that chair, and
now she means business.
You can see it in the way she com
presses Iter lips over mose screws, auu
plants her foot on that shaky ottoman,
and jabs that dull gimlet into tho window
molding.
At last the soekots ior tne roner to turn
In am 11 n. a little "showing" perhaps;
but never mind they are up. And if
the curtain does roll one side, whose bus
iness is it?
Husband and father takes time enough
from his occupation to mildly inform her
that in his judgment, one of the sockets
is put up an inch higher than the other.
Did you ever hear a womon's reply on
such an occasion? It could not well be
recorded In words. You would want to
see her face in order to get the full
meaning of her answer.
She tries the roller, it is about a 1001
too long. It must be sawed off. Where
i the saw? She stops and considers.
Tho head of the family had it last to cut
off an apple-tree limb with, she thinks;
but she will not ask hira anything about
it. Not she ! she scorns to humor mm so
much. She will hunt it up.
So she gets down again and searches in
the wood shed, and in the stable, and un
der the kitchen sink, and up in the open
attic, and finds it at last down cellar on
the moat barrel, with about half an Inch
of rust on it and the handle loose.
She takes the roller and lays it on two
chairs, and begins to saw. The saw is just
like the screws it doesn't take hold. She
gives a vicious dig with it and cute a
groove a couple of inches long in one of
her bert walnut chair frames, but does not
o much as scar the roller.
Another attempt. The saw takes hold
in one place cuts a little, then slips and
goes over two or three inches of the length
of the roner, tuning bu iok, "uu
sending the sawdust every which way.
Husband and father tells her she
doesn't hold her saw right. "Mad clear
through" as she afterward tells her confi
dential next-door neigimor, sue manes
desperate effort, and the thing is sawed in
two. l es, sin is uuuei
No words can describe tne inumpn
which fills her soul as she climbs once
more on that ottoman and tries it in the
sockets. At least two Inches two long !
Dcnrtiwed In mind but not in manner,
she gets down again and determine it
shall be short enough this time.
The same thing is gone through with as
regards tbe saw, and again the roller is
cut. Half an inch too short this time.
VM. the has eot another fixture. Shell
fix that. She won't be beat out. She'll
i,ov that curtain ut.
So she get the other fixture, and by
dint of beina extra careful it is sawed to
lust the right length. Then she gets the
Uci-nammer mu uu; mo vuiuim w mo
roller, and pouncU on one finger and both
ft MlfnlksV And drives two tacks Ibrongh the
curtain where they ought not to be, and
i-rooki ud abont twenty more; and then
ha Hups, curtain in band, to put it np.
She finds one of the sockets must be
moved a little. It "seta In" too much at
tbe bono.
Khu haa nut the screw-driver and etm
u mm.r woman-like. A man new would
have left them right there on tbe floor
till he had wanted them again, ao's to
have tbm handy. Ibereusgreaiau-
ference in the way a man does things
when compared with a woman's way.
She brings them back, and gets out the
screws, and starts them right, and then
the handle ol tho screw-driver comes out.
It always does when a woman is using it.
She drives It in with the tack-hammer,
and proceeds. At last the curtain ia up
and it will roll if you hold on to the bot
tom of it and sort of coax it along; but no
nnpracticed hand should ever tout h it.
And the woman who fixed it will brag
next day to her friend about the way she
can handle tools, and point to that cur
tain aa an example of what she can do;
and they will compare notes on their
husbands, and decide that one smart wo
man ia worth two men.
Tobacco lrt.de fur 1878.
The New York Chamber of Commerce,
which is the oldest commercial institu
tion in Ihe United States, has just issued
its twenty-first annual report. The report
presents many encouraging symptoms of
a return of confidence and a revival of
commercial enterprise, indicating that the
country is at the outset of a period of
national prosperity. The report, among
other valuable material, contains theeum
maries of the entire commereo of the
United States, and comparisons showing
the increase and decrease of exports and
imports at the different ports for the pres
ent and previous years. The tobacco
trade as a whole, it is remarked, has not
realised tho expectations entertained of
it. The trade in leaf tobacco has been an
exception, and the sales have largely ex
ceeded those of any previous year. The
trade in foreign kinds was sluggish until
tho closo of the year, when all tho desira
ble remains of the old crop were taken np
nt advance figures. Both the receipts of
leaf in hogsheads from the interior at the
port of New York and tho exports to for
eign countries in 1878 were largoly in ex
cess of the preceding year ; the one being
over 40, tho other 25 per cent in excess.
The Ikvibury New says a Russian
agent was in Danbnry to buy up a lot of
steamships, but failing to complete sat
isfactory negotiations, he took two shirts
from a clothes-line belonging to Mori
arity, and returned to Russia.
'According to the honueopathists, like
cures like ; but does love cure love ?
Ma'am?
Mr. Lester Ws I lack's engagements in
Cincinnati, St. Louis und Chicago are dis
appointments. In Cincinnati the gross
receipts did not reach the amount of cer
tainty he received. In St. Louis the man
agement lost ubout $1000 on the week,
and he is a failure in Chlcngo, where he
plays this week at llaverly's Theater.
A man blew out his brains in Indianap
olis the other day, with a shot-gun loaded
with water. We have heard of men get
ting "shot " with bad whisky, but never
before with water. Cincinnati Enquirer.
Did you ever hear of a death from
water ou the brain ? But what does a
Cincinnatlan know of water, anyhow ?
Mdllo. Sarah Bernhardt, the actress, the
painter, the sculptor and the lecturer, is
about to make hor debut as an art critic,
having undertaken to supply a series of
criticisms on the Paris Solon of 1870. In
honor of Mdlle. Barnhardl's new uvoca
tion a new word has been coined, and the
talented lady will in future add the appel
lation of Salonnierlo to her other numer
ous qualifications.
Mr. Martin was a conductor on an Iowa
railroad. He is a church member, and at
a recent revival meeting told what the
Lord had done for him. Among other
things he said he run his caboose car
from Cedar Kaplds to Pottsville without a
flange on one wheel. He had faith the
lxrd would keep the caboose on the
track, and He did. It was not long after
be received an epistle from the general ,
superintendent which begun
"oung man, I don't believe the
thus :
Lord
has anything to do with running freight
trains," and now Martin has no caboose to
run on the faith principle.
Prince Bismarck, in his recent work.
Sives the following pretty little anec
ote: "One day I whs walking with the
hm press or Hushiu In the Summer Gar
den of St. Petersburg, when, coming up
on a sentinel in the center of a lawn, I
took the liberty of inquiring why the man
..i I .1...... qi. L' ..... i: l ..
wnn jJilli-uu tuuio. jiujimur uiu nub
know. The adjutant did not know. Tbe
sentinel did not know, except that he had
been orderod there. Ihe adjutant was
then dispatched to ask the officer of the
watch, whose reply turned with tne senti
nel's" Ordered." Cufiosity awakened,
military records were searched, without
yielding any satisfactory solution. At last
an old serving man was routed out, who
remembered hearing his father relate that
tho hmpresa Catherine II., 100 years ago,
had found a snowdrop on that particular
spot, and gave orders to protect it from
being plucked. 10 oiner uevice could do
thouuht of than guarding it by a sentinel.
The erder once issued was left in force for
a century."
Iowa takes the lead in educating young
women to be useful and capablo wives.
It has a college in which every girl ia
trained in the practical duties and accom-
hshments of the skilled housewife, if
is said of each girl of the junior class of
this institution that she has learned to
make good bread, weighing and measur
ing her ingredients, mixing, kneading
and baking and regulating her fire.
Each has also been taught to make yeast
and bake biscuit, puddings, pies and
cake of various kinds; how to cook a
roast, broil a steak and make a fragrant
cup of coffee, how to stuff and roast a
turkey, make an oyster soup, prepare a
stock for other soups, steam and mash
potatoes so that they will melt In tne
mouth; and in short, to prepare a first
class meal.
Neab Anaheim is located the " Societaa
Fratemia." Its members are Spiritual
ists. They eat no meat of any kind, no
eggs, milk, butter, cheese, bread; in fact,
nothing but fruits ana vegetables, ana
then only such as can be eaten uncooked.
They believe that nature furnishes every
thing that is necessary for man's subsis
tence. Nothing passes their lips except
that which grows from the ground, and
it must be eaten jnst as it grows. They
hold that it ia sinful to diet npon dried
or preserved fruit as it wonld be to lunch
on toast beef, plum pudding and limber
ger cheese. They run to the very ex
treme of vegetarianism. They run to the
extreme in everything. There is no sep
arate property, everything being held in
common. Neither does the Society want
to accumulate wealth; nature furnishes
them with food, and they have little need
of money. It ia needless to say that they
hold the marriage ceremony ia contempt.
ahead.