The Corvallis gazette., April 25, 1884, Page 2, Image 2

V
BEHIND THE VELVET CURTAIN.
Ramsay Morris iu News-Journal.
CHOPIN OPUS 34.
A dreamy quiet., a firelit room,
Two cups of coffee whose rich perfume
Steals over our senses while fancy flies
To iDdian isles and eastern skies:
A heavy languor, a full content,
Odors of rose and violet blent
With faint patchouli and new mown hay;
A memory sweet of meadows gay.
On a bearskin rug I lie at ease
And listen to wondrous harmonies
As they softly drift, with charm untold.
Through the velvet portiere's sweeping fold.
The music's passion is rich aud strange;
It holds me captive, I'm swayed at will
By the master's subtle grace and skill.
My eyes are raised with movement low
To where, on a slumberous divan low,
I see vou stretched so near the place
That your soft breath fans my eager face.
The firelight gleams on your silken hair,
And kisses the brow so passing fair,
While I look on with jealous glance
As o'er your cheek the shadows dance.
I try in vain to study your mind.
To read the thoughts which lie behind
Those deep gray orbs, to fathom the soul,
And find the power which holds control
Of my every sense, my every aim,
Which binds me a slave with unasked claim,
And makes me follow where'er you lead ;
Your life the all which my life doth need.
But the eyes no sign will e'er confess,
And the lips will tell me even less;
But when they quiver, and break, ar.d cry,
My own respond with answering sigh :
Oh, why should we hold our lives apart?
I cannot cry down my bnipgry heart,
Better defy the harsh world's decree,
And shape a new path for you and me.
The music's dying ; its charms yet thrill
My soul with a yearning intense and chill.
I creep still nearer, slave at a throne,
Till my hands touch those I long to own.
A lingering murmur, a haunting strain,
Which fades, bursts forth, and fades again;
The waltz is over, its last note dies,
But safe on my breast your dear head lies.
CHINESE ALMANACS.
TAKING A PILL.
The Various Methods Which Ara
Recommended by the Family
Medical Board.
Elaborate System of Distribution
Throughout the Empire.
San Francisco Examiner.
All the Chinese almanacs are printed in
Pekin, and are distributed in the following
manner: On a certain day appointed for the
ceremony, which takes place in the capital,
the mandarins (high imperial officials) repair
early in the morning to the palace, and the
members of the board, arrayed in their state
dresses, proceed to their hall to escort the
book, which are carried in procession to
the imperial palace. Those which are
intended for the emperor, the empress
and the queens are bound in yellow
satin and inclosed in bags of cloth of gold.
They are placed on a large gilded machine,
borne by about forty footmen, clothed in
yellow. Next follow ten or twelve smaller
vehicles, surrounded with red curtains and
containing the books for the princes. These
are bound in red satin, and are inclosed in
bags of silver cloth. These are followed by
men bearing on their shoulders several sables,
on which are piled the calendars intended for
the grandees of the court aud the generals of
the army. The cavalcade is completed by
the president and members of the board,
carried in sedan chairs, and they are fol
lowed by their usual attendants.
On arriving at the palace the golden bags
are laid on two tables, covered with yellow
damask, when the members of the tribunal,
having first prostrated themselves, deliver
them to the proper officers, who receive
them kneeling, and carry them with great
ceremony to the foot of the throne. The
silver bags are sent In a similar manner to
alfthe princes of the royal family, after
which the ministers and other treat officers
of state present themselves iu turn and
kneel with reverence to receive their
almanacs, which are regarded as gifts from
the emperor. The ceremonies of distribution
at the court being concluded, the books for
the use of the people are sent by the tribunal
into every province of the empire, whure the
forms observed at the imperial palace are re
peated at the court of the head mandarin,
after which the people are allowed to pur
chase their almanacs; and as this is a privi
lege of which few omit to avail themselves,
the sale is immense and adds yearly thousands
of dollars to the revenue.
Governor (.roome's Pluck.
Inter Ocean.
The following story is told of Senator
Groome, of Maryland: When he was gov
ernor he ran up frequently from Annapolis
to Baltimore. One evening, just as the train
approached a station half way between the
two cities, Groome noticed a large crowd
standing near the station ; they seemed very
much excited. When the train reached the
station Groome saw a colored man tightly
held by two nervous-looking white men,
while the crowd danced around him.
Groom jumped off as soon as the train
stopped. The nervous looking white men
told him that they were peace officers, that
the negro was a murderer, and that the
crowd were lynchers. Groome ordered the
officers and their prisoner on the train ; told
the lynchers that he was the governor of
Maryland and that they would stop him at
their peril, and then, getting on the train,
forced the negro through the cars up to the
engine. Putting the prisoner, now half dead
with fright, into the cab, ha ordered the en
gineer to cut loose the engine and run back
to Annapolis. This the engineer did, leav
ing the crowd howling in the rear. At An
napolis the governor turned the prisoner
over to the sheriff and then returned to Bal
timore. I am sorry to say that three nights
after that the lynchers came into Annap
olis, took the negro out of jail and hanged
him. All the same, Groome is a plucky
The Home or Little Veil.
Chicago Journal.
Crowds of sympathetic visitors are sur
rounding the home of Little Nell in London,
which is soon to be demolished. There is
some doubt as to the authenticity of this
"Old Curiosity Shop," but that does not affect
the sentimentalists, and especially the Amer
icans. "They went there to worship," a
neighboring shop-keeper said, "took off their
hats when they got through the doorway, and
asked questions about Quilp and the Grand
father as if they had been actual persons.
The ladies were the worst. I have known
them to get down on their knees and burst
out crying about Little Nell." Miss Mary
Anderson might have been seen there more
than once, with her heart full of tenderness
for the little maiden ; and so delighted was
the fair American with the ancient dwelling
and its overhanging story that the doors of
the Lyceum were opened to the fortunate
occupant whenever he chose to go.
Disgracing; Hit Family.
Norristown Herald.
Mr. Hurlbert formerly editor of The New
York World, is in England, where he is
going to marry a duchess. It seems that
after a man has written editorials for a New
York paper he becomes hardened and
reckless, and loses his self-respect, and is
willing to er to still further disgrace his
family.
The pawnbroker always takes a good in
terest in his business.
THK i-OG-CABIN CAMPAIGN.
Middletown Transcript.
When a pill comes within the charmed
circle of a person's teeth the throat kicks.
It puts up the shutter and closes the door.
It apparently desires to go out of busi
ness. This same throat may take in
chunks of unchewable beefsteak as big
as hickory nuts, and other stores for the
interior department by the side of which a
pill of the largest growth would seem an in
significant affair, but it draws the line at
pills. It shuts up shop and says to you just
as plainly as can be, "You don't send any
pills past mo if I know it." This action of
the human throat in the matter of pills is
very curious and mystifying to the ordinary
mind, and we wonder that Matthew Arnold
and other great thinkers have not given it
more attention and sought to make clearer
for the rest of us the reason why the human
throat is thus apparently so unreasonable.
You get about eleven or thirteen of these
pills, big smooth fellows rolling about in
some sort of a yellow powder, and you go
home and take one of them according to the
rules and regulations on the box. The whole
family come into the room to see the per
formance, of course. They have taken
pills in their time ami they know there
is fun in a mil performance when
they are-spectators oply. You probably say
that you are not going to have any foolish
ness with that pill; you are just going to
swallow it right down and be done with it.
Then you take a pill out of the box, open
your mouth, hold your head back, drop in
the pill aud make seven or eight desperate
swallows. The pill comes up smiling and
with its yellow overcoat and a good deal of
its high flavor worn off on your tongue, and
you look a little disappointed.
Some one who has had a wider experience
than the others with pills will tell you to try
a swallow of water with it. All right. You're
willing to take advice in this your hour of
need. You drop the pill into your mouth
again and hastily drink half a glass of water.
Where is the pill now? Ob, it issnug enough
down by the side of your tongue. It didn't
go down with the freshet. It is not traveling
by water this season. "Try some grated ap
ple," suggests the person with the advice on
tap. All right, briug the grated apple. You
are willing by this time to try anything that
promises to deceive your throat to letting
that pill through. It is covered nicely in
the very center of a spoonful of grated apple,
and with a weak sort of smile you throw
your head back, put the contents of the spoon
on your tongue, and swallow all the grated
apple. The pill lingers for an instant about
the palate, as if it had forgotten the pass
word, and then comes slowly up to the teeth
leaving a great deal of its individuality all
along its track.
Now bread is suggested for a disguise for
the pill. That is a good idea. AVhy didn't
some one think of that before. You chew
up a whole mouthful of bread, put the pill
in the middle of it and make the greatest ef
fort of your life in the way of a single
swallow. But the result is not satisfactory.
The bread goes right along according
to schedule, but the pill is side
tracked and held for further orders. By
this time a good part, to your taste or, a bad
part of the pill is worn away, and you feel
that you would know the rest of it by tasto
at any future time in your life. Further,
there is the marks of bitterness and woe and
hatred of the inventor, of the pill stamped
plainly upon, your countenance, and 'mayhap
your feelings are such that you cannot with
seernlinet-s express them in the bosom of your
sympathizing family.
At last, just as you are about to give up in
despair, some one suggests that the pill he
mashed up and clothed in jelly. That is the
best idea yet. Why wasn't it thought of
sooner? The pill is mashed and otbed in
jelly and in a moment it has passed the
guarded precincts of your interior depart
ment. It has gone at last, not iu its original
form, but, as a broken package, and when
you realize that the performance is over, your
face lights up like that of the impecunious
man who, in the dead of winter, and at the
driest hour of a mighty dry day, finds a
10-cent bit in the pocket of a long discarded
vest. To many of us there is not much fun
in taking a pill.
SI is Opera Wan rand.
Arkansaw Traveler.
"On one occasion a great composer pro
duced an opera which he hoped would be
grand, but there was so much music in it,
the singers did so well, and the audience went
into such fits of rapture and spasms of en
joyment, that the composer saw his work
doomed to a wayward life of inferior ap
preciation. After the performance he took
the opera and sat up all night crossing out
the music, and marking in rasp flats and
guinea-hen sharps. He went with high hope
the next night to get a revise. The audience
became restless. Men began to talk business.
A harness and buggy dealer from a neighbor
ing town, sold three buggies, two sets of har
nees, and figured extensively on an omnibus
trade. Women drew their cloaks around
their shoulders and shivered. The voices on
the stage broke and fell in shattered frag
ments. The composer went away happy.
His opera was grand."
"Did the people continue their patronage
after the music was marked out and the opera
pronounced grand?"
"Bless your ignorance, yes. Why the in
crease in attendance was wonderful. Pre
vious to an opera's advent as grand that is,
before the music is crossed out only people
who really loved the 'concord of sweet sounds'
went to see it, but afterwards it was alike to
all. The man with the dullest ear enjoyed it
the same as the person whose spirit was
stirred by the gentle touch of soul-born har
mony." Who Wants a Reliable KelicT
fLime-Kiln Club.l
The keeper of the B'ar-Traps and Sacred
Relics, reported that he had received from
Delaware another of the goose-quill pens
used by John Hancock in signing the Declara
tion of Independence making the seventh
now in possession of the museum.
The president instructed the secretary to
return thanks to the donor, but to drop a
gentle hint at the same time that there was
such a thing -s being too good John couldn't
have written with over five or six pens at
once, and the club will divide up on the
goose-quill business with any respectable
society snort 01 rencs.
I'll il lips as a Lecturer.
Inter Ocean.
In the olden time Wendell Phillips was in
great demand as a lecturer. Among his
stereotyped replies to committees was, "I will
come and lecture on a literary su bject tor
$100 a night and my expenses; an 'Slavery'
for nothing and pay my own expoi sos."
Rev. B. Franklin: Whoever will preach
successfully to the American people, mast bo
himself in sympathy with them.
"The bark went down," said the ague pa
tient after he had swallowed a dose of
quinine.
INTETtESTrNG REMINISCENCES OF THE
FAMOUS HARD-CIDER CAMPAIGN.
Cor. Louisville Courier-Journal.
More than forty years have come and
gone since the log-cabin, hard cider,
and coon-skin campaign of 1840.
This was a remarkable event in the
history of our country. With clap-trap
devices, Gen. Harrison was elected over
Mr. Van Buren almost by acclamation,
having carried nineteen states out of
twenty-two.
Hon. Bailey Peyton, of Tennessee,
called to see Gen. Harrison at North
Bend, after he was nominated at
Harrisbnrg, Pa. Peyton went to Cin
cinnati and made a speech; in this
speech he said he had been to see the
Whig nominee ; that he was the man
they wanted. He said he lived in a
log-cabin, with the latch-string never
pulled in, a barrel of hard cider to
treat his friends, and coon skins nailed
over the cracks in the walls to keep the
wind away.
Old Joe Harrison (no kin to the gen
eral) owned the Six-mile house, lelow
Cincinnati, where the United States
flag had floated for forty years. This
was the great resort for fast horfees,
tight men, and livelv women. Joe saw
a point and at once built . the firs
cabin. This was the first; in
weeks there were hundreds b
over the country
On May 18 the whigs met at the
Gait house to make arrangements to
build a log cabin. In a short time
plenty of funds were raised for the pur
pose. Col. John O. Cochran, chief marshal;
George D. Prentice, of The Journal,
Birney Marshall, of The Gazette, as
sistant marshals; George L. Eobards
and James McDonald, architects and
builders. William O'Hara's band was
in attendance. It consisted of 'dnyns
and fifes, four horns and two bass, two
hundred boys with as many axes. Each
appointed himself a committee of one.
With twenty teams we left the city, pro
ceeded down Jefferson street, then
south to Broadway, into Bullitt's
woods. We cut twenty trees. With
ox and horse teams to haul them, the
line of march was one mile long. We
brought the whole tree and cut it up at
the place where Bufer's hotel now
stands. This was one of the jolliest
days of the '"Falls City." There were
all sorts of people there, from the high
est to the lowest, and all seemed to take
a hand in the log cabin. It seemed to
me that hard cider was quite strong, for
many of the hoys fell at the first fire,
and by the wayside, but there was not
any quarreling.
Birney Marshall and Hiram Ray led
the van, each with a long pole, driving
old Meeks ox team, Bill O Hara with
his band of fife and drum I would like
to see such a band to-day. The dust
was two inches deep, and when the van
were reaching the city you would have
thought it was Birnam woods moving on
Macbeth's castle, as every Whig carried
a large bush. At the setting sun our
cabin was finished, and in the presence
of 5,000 people Gov. Poindexter and
Charles M. Thurston made the first log-
cabin speeches. Prof. Candy ar
DEALING IN NAMES.
Lists
of Invalids and Dupes Bring
the Highest Price.
The Traffic In Knchangdnjr Xamei of
likely Customers in Various
Heputable Lines- Letters
to l(aack Doctors.
. t-. . . . . .i . . . . .
giee club, With the songs or lippPanoe
and Tyler too," set all the' people wild.
I thought, good-bye, Mattie (as Old
Hickory called YanBuren). I said hear
it not at the Hermitage, old hero. The
air became full of the sounds of the
different glee songs, composed by Prof.
Candy. The woods resounded with
songs of birds and the voices of the
women and children. Those glee songs
had more power over the mind than the
gospel song of to-day has in the
churches. There was something in this
presidential campaign of 1840 that was
remarkable the good feeling one party
had for the other ; there being but few
homicides, if any ; it certainly was owing
to the glee songs. But once was enough
to make a president in that way. In
1844 the same claptrap was tried, but it
was stale,flat and unprofitable. Mr. Clay
was defeated by Polk.
The Cincinnati Mail-line steamer
gave out that she would leave our
wharf on the Fourth of July, 1840,
then on the 5th leave Cincinnati at 12
o'clock aud lay over at North Bend
four hours to let the passengers see
Gen. Harrison and his log-cabin.
Men, women, and children made the
trip. About four hundred yards from
the landing was the old-fashioned two
story frame house with some old out
houses attached, but all clean and neat.
The general was there, as well as Mrs.
Harrison, his son Scott, and several
members of the family. The general
felt flattered at so large a concourse of
people calling on him at one time.
Here was an infirm old man living on
borrowed time, nothing but a walking
shadow, low, weak, and emaciated,
bloodshot eyes, and looked careworn
and excited. The question of ms
friends and acquintances was : Has he
vitality enough to live through this ex
citable campaign .
care to stay at home until the election
was over, and see but few visitors
Gen. Harrison was a pure minded man ;
he was the governor and commander of
the northwest. He certainly was not
a great man, but he had greatness
thrust upon him the presidency of
the United States, almost by one voice.
W hen he was nominated for the presi
dency he was clerk of Hamilton county
court. The good man had not strength
enough to bear his honors, but bore up
until after he was inaugurated, and five
weeks later he yielded up his spirit and
appeared before a higher tribunal
CA UGHT IN HIS OWN TRAP.
AN OLD FARMER WHO
ARTER THE ANIMAL '
'DIDN'T HANKER
HE BOUGHT.
New York Letter.
A pleasant, gray-bearded gentleman sat in
a Sixth avenne elevated train, talking to a
younger man. A reference to the occupa
tion of the elder man made him say :
"Mine is an unusual business. See here."
He pulled out a card. If his name had
been Henry Jackson, the card would have
read: "Henry Jackson, Dealer in Names."
"Won't you explain ?" said the younger man.
"I buy and sell the addresses of people in
all parts of the United States and Canada.
There are hundreds of business men who
reach their customers by circulars, as well as
by advertising in the newspapers. Thus a
book publisher gets out a new book which he
wants to sell through agents. He is anxious
to learn the names and addresses of all the men
and women in the United states who sell sub
scription bos,:s. He also wants the names of
those who sell other goods in the same way
because they are very likely to drop the other
article for the sake of the new book. Then
wants the- addresses of the people who
never acted as agents, but who want to
ry it to see wnat tney can ao.
He advertises for agents in a variety
of papers, and at a pretty heavy ex
pense. It costs him several cents for every
letter of inquiry about his book that he re
ceives. To tnat letter or inquiry ne senas ms
elaborate circulars. 1 come to the relief of
the publisher by selling him a very large
number of agents' addresses at a small part
of the cost of getting them by advertising."
"How do you get them?"
"You see every publisher has a list of agents
whom he has employed at one time and an
other. Nearly every one will sell me a copy of
his list for a consideration. The combined
copies make a formidable pile of manuscript
Then there are the novelty men, who ac
cumulate large lists of names of agents.
Agents form one line of special names. In
valids form another."
"Do you mean sick people?"
"Not necessarily. Every community has a
lot of people who are always buying medi
cines. They are cue most vaiuaoie lot an
advertiser can reach. The consumption
remedy circular gives them a hacking cough
and a hectic flush. The blood purifier circu
lar flashes them with eczema. So it goes
through the list of chronic and acute ills that
flesh is heir to. They will buy anything from
beef and bark to a steam atomizer to doctor
a sprained foot. All these people at one time
or time or another write to some advertising
doctor or vender of the elixir of life. I
buy the names from the advertisers, classify
them according to the number of times the
names have baen used by medical men and
the last diseases that afflicted the writers,
and sell them over and over again. Some
times I sell the original letters outright. The
careful advertiser sometimes varies the char
acter of the circulars sent according to the
characteristics of the letter writer, even
writing a personal letter in some cases."
"What other classes have you?"
"Two general classes. One for the sharp
ers and one for the general advertiser. The
latter class is cosmopolitan. It includes all
others, really, but is made up mostly of
farmers. For instance in New York, Roches
ter and Detroit are several firms of dealers in
garden and . farm seeds. They get hundreds
thousands of letters every year. To those
addresses circulars for all kinds of farm and
household goods, books, jewelry, anything
that a man or woman doesn't need but is sure
to want, can be sent with great profit Tne
names for the use of sharpers are the most
profitable of all, and yield the largest returns
to all concerned, except to the ones addressed.
Once we get a name on that list we know it
will pan out till the man dies. I he addresses
of all people who buy tickets in lotteries,
who write to dealers in fac-simile greenbacks,
and who write to other advertisers that offer
to give something for nothing, are very care
fully arranged by themselves. They are
usually very smar t in their own conceit, but
they nibble at a bare hook."
"What prices do these names bring?"
"I have got as high as $25 a thousand for
names for sharpers'use. Good lists of habitual
invalids are worth all the way from $10 to
?2J a thousand. Agents are so easily ob
tained that $10 is a big price; from $3 to 55 is
ordinary. General-use lists copied off the
letters bring from $3 to $5 when they have
not been mailed to more than twice. When
mailed to of teuer than that, and where a year
or two old they get down to $1 a thousand."
"Are many in this business of yours?"
"Not continuously. They drop in, make a
good thing, and straightway begin mailing
circulars on their own account. The number
of actual addresses handled by me in one
year has never exceeded 1,000,000, but it has
crowded that figure closely."
A WHOLE TON OF COHFOIiT.
Merchant Traveler.
A tramp who had been hired by a
circus to appear as an Oriental knight
in the cavalcade fell from grace and
once more resumed his ancient calling.
'"Hello," said a man, meeting him
one dav, "I thought you were circus-
mg."
"I was, but I've quit."
"Do you like this business a" well as
the circus?"
"Well, I don't know. I may not be
so awful durn gorgeous as I was, but I
don't have to wash every day and
change my clothes, and there's a whole
ton of satisfied comfort in that, even if
I don't look quite as purty as an Ori
ental knight."
Belling Bad Boys.
Austin Tex.) Press.1
Owing to the tendency of our young Austin
boys to gravitate toward hoodlumism after
dark, the board of commissioners concluded
to make them go home at night, and not run
the streets any more. A town ordinance was
accordingly passed to that effect, and now
from the tower of the hall of Eagle Engine
Company No. 3 rings aloud the curfew bell
every evening at 8 o'clock, giving just eight
taps as a warning for the boys to vanish
homeward or be arrested. The boys
The general i:ck 1 tumbled to the racket forthwith, not will-
. .. . . ' . , , i r Ti .1.. I... .... .1. . i.
tire police force stood ready and watching to
gobble them up unless they could show au
thoritative permission from parents or
guardians, or that they were on errands, or
in the discharge of some legitimate duty. At
all public entertainments, especially theatri
cal, these boys have been a very serious
source of annoyance to both performers and
audience, crowding the back seats and entry,
and driving people wild with their yells,
shrieks, whistling, and stamping. It had to
be stopped.
Growth or the Kails.
Dr. Beau, a French physician, has observed
that the finger-nails grow at the rate of one
thirtieth of an inch a week, while the toe
nails increase in length only one-fourth as
fast He finds that the growth of the thumb
nail equals its own length -very twenty
weeks, but the nail of the great toe is re
placed completely only once in ninety-six
weeks.
The Cat. Socially.
London News.
"Man has sought the society of the cat, it is
not the cat that has sought the society of
man," says Champfieury. It is a natural,
comfortable, selfish, independent animal, and
probably its society is valued because it so
obviously and unaffectedly makes the best
of this life without pretending to any enthu
siasm for humanity.
When the territory of the United States is
as densely settled as that of France there will
be 680,000,000 people here.
THE PERILS OF HOME.
New York Dispatch.
Elizur Coles is one of the wealthiest
and by far the meanest farmer in the
southern portion of the Green moun
tain state, and it is not in the memory
of man that he ever had the worst of a
bargain. Indeed, it was well known
that he would resort to any trick or
subterfuge to save a dollar. His neigh
bors fought shy of him for that reason.
He was remarkably fond of horseflesh
and a good judge, withal, priding him
self on drrdng the best team for miles
around. They were certainly a hand-J
some pair, of a creamy wliite, which
was only marred or rendered odd,
according to taste by a black spot on
each of their foreheads. It was their
wonderful similarity that made the
pair so valuable. Even their owner
could scarcely tell one from the other.
Some time ago one of them was taken
with the staggers, and before Coles
could get a veterinary surgeon it died.
The old man was terribly cut up at
this misfortune, which elicited no sym
pathy from his neighbors, who said it
was a judgment on him for his avarice
and general obnoxiousness.
Coles attended all the horse fairs
and sales that were advertised, seeking
in vain for a new maj;cli for his iremain
ing treasure, which seemed to be ail
ing through fretting for its mate. One
day he was returning home in a disconso
late mood, having been unsuccessful for
the twentieth time or more, and was
landing from the railroad station, when
he came upon a man who had the cut
of a jockey, lying on the grassy path,
while a few feet distant from him was
a white horse, hitched by a rope to the
fence.
He glanced at the man, who seemed
oblivious to surroundings, and then
walked up to the horse and examined
it.
"It's a prettv crittur," he said. "If
t'd only got a black spot on the nose,
it'd match Snowdrop 'zactly."
He looked at the man again. Then
at the horse, wistfully; scratched his
head and thought a bit.
The devil had never quite led him to
defy the law. But for legal consequen
ces he would have cut the rope that
fastened the animal and appropriated
it.
"Wonder if he'd sell," he said to him
self. "Maybe I'll never quite match
Snowdrop. I may never hit such a
chance agin."
He gave the man a shove with a
'Hallo, neigh bor."
The man lo oked up lazily. He had
been half asleep.
"Your hoss?"
"I reckon."
"Whar you be agoin', neighbor?'
"Bluest one fair."
"To sell?"
"Yes, old man, 'less you want to
buv."
"Wal," replied the sly old fox, "I
don't hanker arter the animal, but if
your price ain't too stiff p'raps I
niought."
Then, noticing that the man was a
little "on," he invited him to a neigh
boring store, where he plied him with
whiskey, finally striking a bargain
largely in his favor, inasmuch as he
knew the horse was worth more than
thrice the hundred dollars he paid for
it.
Then for fear that its late owner
might sober up and repent of his bar
gain, he mounted the horse and gal
loped home, chuckling at his sharp
practice.
Arrived at the farm, he put the horse
in a stable by itself and went in to
supper, his poor, ill-used wife wonder
ing what made the usually morose
fellow so merry.
As he went in to examine his stock,
he was met by his hired man, who
looked weary and forlorn.
"Wal, Tom, what's been doin' since
I was away ?"
"Somethin' dreadful, boss!"
"What d'ye mean? Speak out, man!"
"Snowdrop's been stolen V
Words could not describe the old
man's fury. When he quieted down a
little he exhibited his new purchase to
his man, who walked round and round
the horse in bewilderment. Finally,
after a rigorous inspection, he swore
that it was Snowdrop.
"Snowdrop had a black spot on its
forehead, fool V roared his master.
"So's this un !" cried Tom, tri
umphantly, as with a rag saturated with
turpentine he washed off a patch of
white paint that had hidden Snow
drop's black spot.
Farmer Coles at once took to his
bed. That hundred dollars will be the
death of him. Besides, he had to give
Tom something to keep things quiet.
Accident Insurance Most Required
by Those Who Haver Travel.
"KOLA" BETTER THAN COFFEE.
New York Sun.
The kola nut, largely used in tropical
Africa to make an invigorating bever
age, was subjected some months ago to
careful analysis, and is found to be
richer in caffeine than the best coffee,
while containing also the same active
principle as cacao. Negroes are said
not to touch coffee when they can ob
tain this nut. It is said by a Dr. Dan
iell to be growiDg into an important
article of commerce in the Soudan, and,
it is thought, will soon find its way into
European countries. Samples have
been sent to London niedical men for
experiment and to planters for agricul
tural purposes. It is believed to aid
digestion and to render people capable
of withstanding the depression conse
quent upon prolonged labor. Others
claim for it the power to relieve mental
depression and to not only subdue the
craving for alcohol, but prevent its in
toxicating effects.
THE SWISS IN WISCONSIN.
Texas Sittings.
New Glarus is a Swiss settlement in
Wisconsin. It was founded in 1845 by
108 persons, and now has 4,000, who
hold fast to the r integrity in race, lan
guage and customs. The original pur
chase consisted of two square miles.
At the outset notice was given in their
Switzerland home that every man who
made his way to the colony should have
a farm of twenty-two acres, rent free
for ten ye rs, and then absolute owner
ship at in uei o.
Startling; Discoveries Hade by a Sun
ptcious Individual While Delv
ing; Among; Statistical
.Facts and Flgrures.
Mark Twain.
The man in the ticket office said:
"Have an accident insurance ticket,
also?"
"No," I said, after studying the matter
over a little. "No, I believe not; I am going
to be traveling by rail all day to-day. How
ever, to-morrow I don't travel. Give me one
for to-morrow."
The man looked puzzled. He said:
"But it is for accident insurance, and if you
are going to travel by rail "
"If I am going to travel by rail, I soa'nt
need it. Lying at home in bed is the thing I
am afraid of."
I had been looking into this matter. Last
year I traveled 20,000 miles, almost entirely
by rail ; the year before, I traveled over 25,-
000 miles, half by sea and half by rail ; and
the year bef. rj that I traveled in the neigh
borhood of 1 0,020 miles, exclusively by rail.
1 suppose if I put in all the little odd jour
neys here and there, I may say I have
traveled 60,000 miles during the three years I
have mentioned. And never an accident.
For a g4od while I said to myself every
morning: "Now I have escaped thus far,
and so the chances are just that much in
creased that I shall catch it this time. I will
be shrewd, and buy an accident ticket." And
to a dead moral certainty I drew a blank,
aud went to bed that night without a joint
started or a bone splintered- I got tired of
that sort of daily bother, and fell to buying
accident tickets that were good for a month.
I said to myself, "A man can't buy thirty
blanks in one bundle."
But I was mistaken. There was never a
prize in the lot. I could read of railway ac
cidents every day the newspaper atmos
phere was foggy with them; but somehow
they never came my way. I found I had
spent a good deal of money iu the accident
business, and had nothing to show for it.
My suspicions were aroused, and I began to
hunt around for somebody that had won in
this lottery. I found plenty of people who
had invested, but not an iu iividual that had
ever had an accident or made a cent. I
stopped buying accident tickets and went to
ciphering. The result was astounding. The
peril lay not in traveling, but in staying
at home.
I hunted up statist ics and was amazed to find
that after all the glaring newspaper headings
concerning railroad disasters, less than 300
people had really lost their lives by those dis
asters in the preceding twelve months. The
Erie road wasset down as the most murderous
in the list. It ha 1 killed forty-six or twenty
six, I do not exactly remember which, but
I know the number was double that of any
other road. But the fact straightway sug
gested itself that the Erie was an immensely
long road, and did more business than any
other line in the country ; so the double num
ber of killed ceased to be a matter for sur
prise. By further figuring it appeared that be
tween New York and Rochester the Erie ran
eight passenger trains each way every day
sixteen altogether and carried a daily aver
age of 0,000 persons. That is about 1,000,000
in six months, the population of New York
city. Well, tfce Erie kills from thirteen to
twenty-three persons out of its 1 ,000,000 in
ix months; and in the same time 13,000 out
of New York s 1,000,000 died in their beds 1
My flesh crept; my hair stood on end. "This
is appalling," I said. "The danger isn't in
traveling by rail, but in trusting to those
deadly beds. I will never sleep in a bed
again."
I had figured on considerably less than one
half the length of the Erie road. It was
plain that the entire road must transport at
least 11,000 or 12,000 people every day. There
are many short roads running out of Boston
that do fully half as much ; a great many
such roads. There are many roads scattered
about the Union that do a prodigious passen
ger business, therefore it was fair to presume
that an average of 2,500 passengers a day for
each road in the couutry would bo about cor
rect Th re are 840 railway lines in our
country, and 846 times 2,500 are 2,115,000.
So the railways of America move more than
2,000,000 of people every day 650,000,000 of
people a year, without counting the Sundays.
They do that, too there is no question about
it though where they get the raw material
is clear beyond the jurisdiction of my arith
metic; for I have huuted the census through
and 1 find that there are not that many people
in the United States by a matter of 610,000,
000 at the very least. They must use some of
the same people over again, likely.
San Francisco is one-eighth as populous as
New York ; there are sixty deaths a week in
the former and SOU a week in the latter if
they have luck. That is 3,120 deaths a year
in San Francisco, and eight times as many in
New York say about 25,000 or 26,000. The
health of the two places is the same. So we
will let it stand as a fair presumption that
this will hold good all over the country, and
that consequently 25,000 out of every 1,000,-
000 people we have must die every year.
That amounts to one-fortieth of our total
population. One million of us, then, die an
annually. Out of this 1,000,000 of us, 10,000
or 12,000 are stabbed, shot, drowned, hanged,
poisoned, or meet a similar violent death in
some other popular way, such as perishing by
kerosene lamp and hoop-skirt conflagrations,
getting buried in coal mines,f ailing off house
tops, bwsaking through church or lecture
room floors, taking patent medicines, or
committing suicide in other forms. The Erie
railroad kills from twenty-three to forty-six;
the other 845 railroads kill an average of one
third of a man each ; and the rest of that
1 000,000, amounting in the aggregate to the
appalling figure of 887,731 corpses, die natur
ally in their beds.
You will excuse me from taking any more
chances in those beds. The railroads are good
enough for me.
And my advice to all people is: Don't stay
at home any more than you can help; but
when you have got to stay at home a while,
buy a package of those insurance tickets
and sit up nights. You cannot be too cau
tious. One can see now why I answered that
ticket agent in the manner recorded at the
top of this sketch.
The moral of this composition is, that
thoughtless people grumble more than is fair
about railroad management in the United
States. When we consider that every day and
night of the year full 14,000 railway trains of
various kinds, freighted with life and armed
with death, go thundering over the land, the
marvel is, not that they kill 300 human beings
in a twelvemonth but that they do not kill
300 times 30O
Those who have never seen the much-talked-of
dynamite explosive will be in
terested to know taat it looks much
like moist brown sugar.
It is easy finding reasons why other
Deople should be patient.