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About The Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 27, 1880)
Oorvallis Gazette. PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNIKG BY W. IB. CARTER, Editor and Pkopriktor. Uoi-vuiiis uaMi.tc, TERMS. KAT.N OK DVEItTI-INO. 1 inou I 1 W T I M ISM. 1 VI i UU S 5 l 8 Oil li' tM 5 10 7 H0 g -0 UP li 0(1 itf 01 6 Oft 22 M 7 Oil M CO I M 00 " 20 00 Col. J 2 O0 I Sl t i io L 9 00Jl 15 00 I 5W ' 1 s 00 I 7 l 12 l " " 18 0 I 33 oo I i 00 io i o i is 5 1 : 2 i TT 40 ik) i o oo I 15 oo ao i o j " jo oo i go o ; n o of (coin.) Per Tear. klx M.uitia. Ibree Mouths, at so i v 1 U t VOL. XVII. invjwmbtv tv amr CITY ADVERTISEMENTS. CORVALyS, OREGON, FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 27, 1880. NO. 9. .N oi ices in Local Column. 20 eei.H per lino, eacb Insertion. Transient adverilHeinenss, u r .-q'turcuf lit Hues. Nonpar- il measure, ti fM i nrs', ami 1 for each snkseq lem ius ril ! iu aUVANCK' L' ul advertisen-eiPH einirge.i as transient, and must be paid fur nr-oii i-x:i"iti--ij o chite fi.-r jjubll-lier i-fll lavil. t in!. . i'I.iu, Yearly a-ivei-i i-t in- ii n to hlwritt .c'li.-i. Professional Oai ds (I -q mrr) $ 2 i- u . uiu. Ail nolt. ett a 1 Hdvem-e nieui.- lt;en tit publication shnn i.i be h.no-.' li' Wi"tr.eln M. 8. WOODCOCK, Attorney and Counselor at Law, tOKVALLM OKKGOM OFFICE ON FIRST STREET, OPP. WOOD COCK BALDWIN'S Hardware store. Special attention given to Collections, Fore closure o.'" Mortjrages, Real Estate cases, Probate a.xl Road matters. Will also huy ami sell City Property and Farm Lands, on reasonable terms. March 20, 1879. IG-I2y 1 CITY ADVERTISEMENTS. CORVALLIS Livery, Feed CITY ADVERTISEMENTS. ... AND. SALE STABLE, F. A. CHENOWETH. P. M. JOHNSON". CHENOWETH dt JOHNSON, ATTORNEYS AT LAW COKNALLIS - . September 4, 1879. ORKUON lG36tf Mlii et., Oo.vivl la. Oregon. J. W. RAYBUR?, ATTORNEY AT LAW, SOL. KING, - Porpr. ! OK V l.l ts, OKI (iM. OFFICE On Monroe street, between Second and 'ihird. jSSS-Special attention given to the Collection of Notes aud Account 10-llf JMS A. YANTIS, Attorney and Counselor at Law, OK V A It IN, triLL PRACTICE IX ALL THE COURTS of the Slate. Spe. ial attention giveu to Hatters iu Piobate. Collections will receive noiiipt and careful attention. OlSce in the Court -use. 16:ltf. DR F. A. V NCENT, DENTIST. rjWNING BOTH 3ARNS I AM PREPARED to oner superior accommodations in the Liv ery line. Always ready for a drive, 3OOI TJE At Low Hnlos. My stables are first-class in every resject. and competent and obliging Iio&tlera always ready to serve ttie public. , REASONABLE CHAKtiKt FOR HIKE. Pari lealnr at le n 1 1 n Paid to Boarding ELEGANT HEARSE, CARRIAGES AND HACKS FOR FUNERALS Corvallis, Jau. 3, 1879. 16:lyl COltVAl.I. l.M IiEGOW. ()FFICE IN FISHER'S BRICK OVER Max. Friendley's N. iv Store. All tfee atest improvement Everytlriig new and complete. All work warranted. Plea egive me a call. 15:.ilf C. R. FARRA, M. C. PHY 1U A3 A SO HRGCOJ, OFFICE OVER GRAHAM & HAMILTON'S DrugStoie, Corvallis, 0:egon. 14-2tftf J. K. WEBBER, Main St., Corvallis, Oregon, DEALER IN Stoves, Ranges, FORCE AND LIFT PUMPS. H3U3E FURNISHING HARDWARE, Constantly on band, the NEW RICHMOND RANGE, Best In Market. The BONANZA COOK STOVE, Something New. And the New VECTA PARLOR STOVE. Jan. 1.1880. 17:1 tf W. C. CRAWFORD, DEALER IN WATCHES, CLOCK?, "Jewelry, spectacles, silver ware, etc Also, Musical Instruments fco gST Repairing done at the most reasonable rales, and all work warranted. Corvallis, Dec. 13, 1877. 14:50tf GRAHAM, UAHILTftX & CO., CORVALLIS ... 6BCGOX. DEALERS IN Drugs, Paints, M EDICINES, CHEMICALS, DYE STIFFS, OILS, CLASS AND PUTTY. PURE WINES AND LIQUORS FOR MEDICINAL USE. And also the the very best assortment of Lamps and Wall Paper ever brought to this plaoa. Woodcock & Baldwin (Successors to J. R Bayley & Co,) TTEEP CONSTANTLY ON HAND AT THE old stand a large aud complete stock of Heavy and Shelf Hardy are, IRON, STEEL, TOOLS, STOVES, RAWC S. ETC Manufactured and Home Made Tin and Copper Wui-o, Pumps. IMpo, Etc. A good Tinner constantly on tiand, and all Job Work neatly and quickly done. Also agents for Knnpp, Burrell & Co., for the sale of the best and latest. im proved FARM MACHINERY. of all kinds, together with a full assort ment of Agricultural Implements. Sole Agents for the celebrated ST. LOUIS CKAKT R Of K S 0V8 the BEST IN THE WORLD. Also tfaa Norman Range, and many other patterns, in all sizes and styles. WSf Particular attention paid to Farmers' wants, and the suoplvinc; extras for Farm ! Machinery, and all information as to such articles, furnished cheerfully, on applica j tion. No pains will be spared to furnish our customers with the best poods in market, iu our line, and at the lowest prices. Our motto shall Le, pr mpt and fair dealing with all. ( all and exjitnitifl our Stock, before going elsewhere. ;Satitifac tion guaranteed. WOOKCOCK & BALDWIN. Corvallis, May, 12, 1879. 14:4tf LANDS I FARMS! HOWES! fHAVE FARMS, (Improved and unim proved,) STORES and MILL PROPERTY, very desirable, FOR SALE. These lands are cheap. Also claims in unsurveyed tracts for sale. Soldiers of the late rebellion who have, under he Soldiers' Homestead Act, located and made final proof on less than 160 acres, can dispose of the balance to me. Write (with stamps to prepay postage). R. A. BENSELL, Newport, Benton county, Oregon. 16:2tf um'& woodward Corvallis f inite o 14, r. A A. H. Holds staled Communications on Wednesday on or preceding each full moon. Brethren in good standing cordially invited to attend. By order W. M. BarnRm Lodge Ho. 7, I. . O. t . Meets on Tuesday evening of each week, iu their hall, in Fisher's brick, second story. Mem lers of the order in good standing invited to at tend. By order of N. G. J. R. BRYSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW. All business will receive prompt attention. COLLECTIONS A SPECIALTY- Corvallis, July 14, 1879. 16:29tf IT TU. Tl One door South of Graham & Hamilton's, 'RVALI.IN, OKBttW.V. GROCERIES. PRO VISIONS, AND Dry &oods. Corvallis, Jan. S, 1878. l:lvl DRAKE & GRANT, MERCHANT TAILORS, C'RVAlXiS. - ORKCMts. vrrE Rave just received a large and well selected slock ol Cloth, viz: "Ws of ni;luna Itoa3 t lot lis, rec?li - a$U)tmvrn, Mtoh Tweods, and - merlcau -ultlnff Which v.-e will make up to order in the most approved and lash onable styles. No paino will be spaied in producing good tilting garments. Parties wishing to purchase cloths and have them cut out, will do well to call aud examine our stock. DRAKE Jt GRANT. Corvallis, April 17 1879. 10:1 Stf Boarding and Lodging:. li.ilomntli Benlitu . Urrgv-i. GEORGE KfSOR. TESPECTFL'LLY INFORMS THE TRAV eliug public ihat he is now picpareil and in readiness to kee .aiicli hoarders as may choose to give him a call, either by the SING E MiU DAY. OR WEEK. Is also prepaid! to ftl n sh horse feed. Liberal hare of public inlrODnge solicited. Give ca a call. GEORGE KISOIi. Philomath, April 28. 187y. I0:18tf Albert Pvgalt.. WrULOAM Tkwiu.' FYGAIjL & IRW1X, City Tr ucks & Drays, T A V1NG PURCil 8ED THE DRAYS AND Trucks lately ownid by James Egjin, w are prepared to do all kinds of lty lltvn tiijf- ilivcrl m of WlMid I CO.. 10 :C. in the city or country . al reasonable rates. Pat ronage solicited, ami oifjfdai-tion guaraiiteed in all cases. A I.UKRT PYGALL, WILLIAM IRWIN. Corvallis. Dec. 20. I87. lj:5ltf J C. MORELANO, (ITV ATTOKNKY.) ATTOItvEY AT LAW, FOKTLA.Mt, - MAH. OFFICE Monastes' Brick. First street. between Morrison and Yamhill. 14:38tf Drngrgists and Apothecaries, P. O. BUILDING, CORVALLIS, OREGON. Have a complete stuck of DRUGS, MEDICINES, PANT?, 01, GLASS, IT , ITO, School Pooks tat.oneny,fec. AGENTS FOR TUB AVCRIU CHttflCU Pi IMT, SUPERIOR TO ANY OTHER We bnv for Cash, and have choice of the FRESHEST and PUREST Druga and Medic nes the market affords. Prescriptions accurately prepared at half the usual rates. 2Maylr,:18U FRESH GOODS' AT THE BAZAR FASHIONS MrgE. A.. KNIGHT. THE STAR BAREBY, Main Sireet, i orvallls. HENRY WARRIOR, PROPRIETOR. Family Supply Store ! Groceries, Cukes, Iie, Toyrff tote. Always on Hand. Corvallis. Jan. 1. 1877. I4:2tf $15 TO $6000 A YEAR, or $5 to $20 a day in your own locality. No risk. Wo men do as well as men. Many make more than the amount stated above. No one can fail to make money fast. Any one can do the work You can make from 50cts to $2 an hour by devoting your evenings and spare time to the business. It costs nothing to try the business Nothing like it for money making ever offered before Business pleasant and strict ly honorable. Reader, if you want to know all about the best paying business before the public, send us your address and we will send you full particulars and private terms free; samples worth $i also free: you can then make up your mind for yourself Address GEORGE STINSON le CO , Portland, Maine. 16:31yl $300 A MONTH guaranteed. Twelve dollars a day made at home by the industrious. Capital not re- nuiied: we will start you. Men. women, boys ana girls make money taster at work for us than at anything else. The work is light and pleasant, and such as anyone can go right at. Those who are wise who see this notice will send us their addresses at once and see for themselves. Costly outfit and terms free. Now' is the time. Those alreadv at work arela up large su i ,is of money. Add .lugusia, maintv PIjrleloa f. e.orlpttoun 4ML9 liiuiiauuit.d The Brig Sinners. n November, 1842, occurred one of tlie most noted mutinies in the his tory of the American navy While in mid-oeean the officers of the Uni ted States brig-of-war Somers discov ered that a conspiracy existed on board the vessel to murder them selves and turn the vessel into a privateer for the purpose of piracy ; but the ring-leaders were discovered and executed and the crime frus trated. The leader in the affair was Philip Spencer, son of the Hon. J. C. Spencer, the distinguished statesman of New York, then Secretary of War in the Cabinet of President Tyler. On account ot the prominence thus given the event, the mutiny was everywhere a topic of discussion, and reviews of the case were writ ten by a number or noted men, in eluding J. Feniniore Cooper. The Cleveland Leader thus telle the story from ttie hps of one of the crew: Captain William Buffi ngton, well known along the lakes and who last season sailed the schooner -Pelican, was one of the crew of the Somers. He was visited at his residence on the Detroit road, yesterday after noon, by a Leader reporter, and re lated the story, though modestly pre ferring not to have anything publish ed as coining from him. At the time of " the mutiny Captain Buffington was eighteen or nineteen years of age, and many of the facts have es caped his memory. The Somers sailed from New York for Liberia, Africa, with dispatches, but was obliged to put back on account of insufficiency of crew, and other sea men were obtained from the receiv ing ship North Carolina, Mr. Buffing ton being a member of the second crew. On the return from Liberia, before reaching St. Thomas, where it was the intention to stop and take on coal and provisions, word was brought to Captain Alexander Slidell Mackenzie, the commander of the Somers, that a conspiracy existed to capture the vessel and take her to the Isle of Pines, where she would be joined by a Mexican pivateer, and the two would commence a career of piracy. In those days, comparatively few steamers sailed the ocean, and of course the security of the pirates was much better than it would be at present. Wr. Wales, the steward of the brig, was first brought the affair to notice. On the night of Novem ber 25th, Mr. Wales was asked by Spencer, who was a midshipman, to go aloft with him to the rigging, where he wanted to converse with him confidentially. When alone the midshipman accosted Wales with a question: "Do you fear death; do you fear a dead man ; are you afraid to kill a man ?" Somowhat sur prised, though still cool and collect ed, the steward listened attentively to what followed, taking the oath of secresy imposed upon him by Spencer. The latter then unfolded the plan for the mutiny, stating that it was written out on paper and then under his collar, back of his cravat, and he would show it in the morning when it was light so as to read it Twenty of the crew, he claimed, were leagued with him, and the mur der of the captain and the officers of the vessel would be an easy matter. When fully apprised of what had taken place, Captain Mackenzie or dered a strict watch kept of the movements of Spencer. In a day or two the Captain encountered Spencer on deck, and asked him what he meant by such talk to Wales, but the young man explained it was all a joke, and no harm intended. The written plot was demanded, but Spencer denied its existence, and a careful search of his person failed to disclose it. It was found, however, secreted in Spencer's razor case, written in the Greek language; but one of the officers understood the characters and translated tbem into English. The names of the number of the crew were written who would be given a chance to "walk the plank" that is, be dropped over board and others who were to be given their choice between compul sory service as pirates, or a watery grave. F. Cromwell, the boatswain's mate, and Elisha Smalt, a seaman from Boston, were also arrested, they being frequently discovered in conversation with Spencer. The three were double-ironed and taken below. They were speedily tried by court-martial and found guilty, the sentence being that the prisoners be executed from the yardar'm. They rafornintr of on. Small is mates to o as to mace was quite broken exhorted by Captain set bis companions a al by bravely dying, the k having the desired enect. in Mackenzie briefly addressed ondemncd upon the euoruity of rev .'. spencer reau .iik o uie. er-hflolf, beggeSPior. as ot 'BRn saia tie was Black caps were made from black handkerchiefs. The colors were to be hoisted at the moment to give solem nity to the occasion, and then the gun was to be fired as a signal at the ropes to pull. Spencer wanted to give tho signal, but afterward he re quested Captain Mackenzie to do it for him. When all was ready, the condemned men sitting in theii ham mocks, awaiting the dreadful sum mons to another world.the gun belch ed forth its thunder, the men at the three ropes drew in, and the three unfortunates shot aloft, the sudden contact with the blocks above break ing their necks, and hurrying them into the presence of the great white throne. Two of the men were hung to one of the main yards, and the third to the other. The bodies were sewn up in sailcloth, the feet weigh ed with shot, and the earthly re mains ot the reckless youths were slid on a plank through the portholes and disappeared in the depths of ihe ocean. When JNew lork was reached a court of inquiry, composed of Com modores Stewart, -Jacob, Jones and Dallas, examined the case, and ap proved the course of Captain Mack enzie. A court-martial was also held, Commodore Downeo being president and the action of Captain Mackenzie was endorsed. Captain Bufhington says that after reaching New York the ship physician shot himself, throgh it did not appear that he had been concerned in the mutiny. Capt. Bufhington knew of no other surviv ors of the crew. A colored man era ployed at the Union depot, who died last summer, was on board the Somers at the time. It is probable that there are some living, ps the crew, which consisted of eighty persons, was com posed of only eight able-bodied sea men, the remainder being boys of fhe first and second class. The excite ment over the affair in the United States was intense, and opinions were given for and against Captain Mack enezie's course. I The Heart Without the Sense of Touch. Talleyrand and Fonchet. .ttttttm m 1 a a wr Iff m WWW .. . rnxiv a m l iu ... uk ( i. I mwm . wwwww r business ' TT..jm no. tuim snn r rnn, iso. uie iarr- i v woi uu km v nf those wilhnz to work. yM IRr f Iffrimminss, Etc.. iZl W. Bu. wh ch sell at eveO' hur you H HfWUIIICltUUil. mma mmn m. Tr-.A In the second volume ot her memoirs Mine. Kemusat indulges in this compara tive study of Talleyrand and Fonchet : Talleyrand and Fouchet were two very remarkable men, and both were exceed ingly useful to Bonaparte. But it would be difficult to find less resemblance and fewer points of contact between any two persons placed in such close and continu ous relations. The former had studiously preserved tlie carelessly resolute manner if I may use that expression of the no bles of the old regime. Acute, taciturn, measured in his speech, cold in his bear ing, pleasing in conversation, deriving all his power from himself alone for he hold no party in his hand his very faults, and even the stigma of bis abandonment of his former sacred state of life, were sufficient guaranty to revolutionists, who knew him to be so adroit and so supple that they believed him to be always keep ing the means of escaping them in re serve. Bjsides, he opened his mind to no one. ile wasquite impenetrable upon the affairs with which he was charged, aud upon his own opinion of the master whom he served; and, as a final touch to this picture, he neglected nothing for his own comfort, was careful in his dress, used perfumes, and was a lover of good cheer and all the pleasures of the senses. He was never subservient to Bonaparte, but he knew how io make himself neces sary to him, and never flattered him in public. Fouchet, on the contrary, was a genuine product of the revolution. Careless of bis appearance, he wore the gold lace aud the ribbons which were the insignia of his dignities as if he disdained to arrange them. He could laugh at himself on oc casion : he was active, am mated, always restless, talkative, affecting a sort of frankness which was merely the last de gree ot conceit ; boasttut ; disposed to seek the opinion ot others upon his con duct by talking about it, and sought no justification except in his contempt of a certain class of morality, or his careless ness of a certain order of approbation. But he carefully maintained, to Bona parte's occasional disquiet, relations with a party whom the Emperor felt himself was obliged to conciliate in his person. With all this, Fouchet was not deficient in a sort of good fellowship. He had even some estimable qualities. He was a good husband to an ugly and stupid wife, and a very good even a too indulgent lather. He looked at revolution as a whole ; he hated small schemes and constantly re curring suspicions, and it was because this was his way oi thinking that his pol icy did not suffice for the Emperor. Where Fouchet recognized merit, he did it justice. It is not recorded of him that he was guilty of any personal revenge, nor did he show himself capable of per sistent jealousy. It is even likely that, although he remained several years an enemy of Talleyrand's, it was less because he had reason to complain of him than because the Emperor took pains to keep up a division between two men whose friendship he thought dangerous to him self; hat, indeed, it was when they were reconciled that he began to distrust them both and to exclude tbem from affairs. There is one fact which one cannot think of without some degree of ama.e ment.and which we ought never to think of without great thankfulness. The heart has no sense of outward touch. If I could put my finger and thumb on each side of the heart of-some person in this room without touching any part of his frame, he would not know when his heart was touched, unless he saw me in the very act of touching it. "What!" some one will exclaim, "do you mean to say that the heart, which is so instantaneously sympathetic with all mental emotion which is so fearfully subject to palpitation and neuralgia has no sense of outward touch ? It seems in credible !" And yet. it is a known fact that the heart has no sense of outward touch. I might quote to you more modern proofs ; but I choose to give you one which is more than two hundred years old, be cause I like to revive the memory of great benefactors of our race, and to revive and strengthen our sense of indebtedness to them. The celebrated William Harvey, the discoverer of the circulation of the blood, the physician to King Charles the First, tiives to us this extraordinary relation: The fou of Lord Montgomery had asevere fracture of the ribs when a child, which left an abscess that could not be cured. He went abroad, and came back to his country when he was between eighteen and nineteen years old, it was reported, with a large aperture in his left side, through which his lungs could be seen and touched. The king heard of this strange story, and sent Harvey to learn the truth of it. Harvey found the young nobleman, who readily exposed the wound for iuspection. Instead of the lungs, Harvey found it was the apex of the heart that could be seen and touched. The action of the heart responded to the beat of the pulse in the wrist, and Harvey, the enthusiastic man of science, who en dured so much obloquy for the main tenance of his great doctrine of the circu lation of the blood, had here a full confir mation of its truth. He took the young nobleman to the king, who also handled the heart, and marked the circulation of the blood. But the most wonderful dis covery, alike to the king and the physi cian, was that the young nobleman did not know when they touched the heart. They found the heart was without the sense of outward touch. This is a strong proof of benificence of de-sign in God. If the heart was sensible to outward touch, we should seldom eat without pain. For; as the stomach turns upward and presses agai nst the lungs, and the lungs against the heart, as we con tinue to eat, the act of pacifying our hun ger or gratifying our palate would cause suffering at the heart. Any poor fellow who only got a good dinner once a week, and then indulged himself, would have to pay bitterly for his excess. Cooper's 'Goo', the Soul, and Future State." Rev. Mr. Lane, of ftensico, New York, is accused by some of bis deacons of kissing all the women in "his flouk. His wife says:. "Why, of course he kisses them, and they like it. I saw him kiss., Mrs. Cos. in that very, room, and she was mighty glad that he responded to her advances. Mr. Lane is a man, I tell you." There is a wife to be proud of. Vegetable pills!" exclaimed an old "Don t talk to me of such stun. The best vegetable pill ever made is an apple-dumpling. For destroying a gnap-vJshim tag oi tne . stomach, there s Uket," 'V A Fable. A wolf, who was known among his friends as sagacious, swift, sly and endur ing, and who seldom went to bed hungry, one day met a wood chopper's son in the forest. Hostilities between bovs and wolves had been suspended for a short time on account of a camp-meeting in that neighborhood, and the wolf and the boy therefore sat down on a log to discuss the weather and draw each other out on the transformation theory. The wolf never had a fair chance to look a boy over. His rule had been to eat them first and look them over after ward. He now observed that his com panion was twice as handsome as he was. and the fact rankled in his jealous mind. He forgot that he had been differ ently graded by nature in the beginning, and he began casting about to see how he could get even. He finally made up his mind that It was the boy s red coat that made all the difference, and so he care lessly observed : "I don't suppose you d like to part with thatold patched coat of yours, would you?" The bov was up to string games and balloon ascensions, and closed with an offer to lend the wolf his coat for a week if the latter would guide him to a den where three young foxes could be secured. As soon as the wolt secured the coat he wrapped it around him and declared the truce between the wolve3 and the boys at an end. That had been his little game from the start. Sounding his war-howl, the wolf summoned his friends to help make bologna of poor Tom, but,--a8 the eager brutes came up, they went for the red coat and the boy went for a tree. iNo wolf has any business wearing a boy's outfit, even if it would add to his beauty, and this one was soon clawed into bag-strings, and his bones hung on a jack-pine for the wind to fool with. booking down from his perch in the tree, the boy remarked . - In the first place, don t try to play a swine game. In the second place, don t go ou the principle that everybody else is a tool." Moral Preserves won't last without sugar, and your neighbor has just as much right to keep chickens as you have to keep a dog. Detroit Free Pres. Arthur TIoebuck. There never in this world was a better assailant of a job, a more resolute critic of administrative bungling, than Jotm Arthur Roebuck. "Dog Tear-'em," as he christened himself on one memorable occasion, has never been slow to fly at the throat of ministei or private member when the public inter est seemed to demand vigorous action of this kind. The pity is that he himself should have suffered so grievously from the unrestrained indulgence of bis vin dictiveness, his jealousy, his morbid self consciousness. A career which might have been a great one has been brought to nothing by bis own faults, and talents which might" have been successfully used for the advancement of many noble causes have been utterly wasted. Poli ticians of To day Wemyss Reid. There is a letter extant in which the writer explains the reason why she had time for letter-writing in the evening was that "Cousin Grace Fletcher is frying to entertain a young man by the name of Daniel Webster by playing checkers. Father and Uncle Chamberlain think a young man ot great promise, inn nothingwe girls think him awkward and rather rW verc i '. W - m at m - SHORT BITS. "When the tide comes in" When man and wife arrive at home. Newspaper columns have been lum bered up with Maine business. A "rose by any other name would smell as sweet," but not our "lat rows." That the success of the electric light will benefit London is a fog gone conclu sion. A Boston man wont wash his face to save bis life. He'll do it to save his skin. Philadelphia has the bulge on Chicago in one respect. It is named in the Bible. The tea that was not thrown overboard j in Boston harbor in the good old days ' was liberty. Love laughs at locksmiths, but we defy anybody or anything to laugh at a j plumber. A tree may be downcast, and not chop- fallen. It may be blown down, for i instance. i Strange, but true. A word in season i is scarcely ever spoken by a man in a peppery frame of mind. Tho Free Prcs savs that although ; fences do not walk they have a swing ing gate. Can't they walk tlie picket ; iue? The Bell telephone Company have had ! to refuse connection with the barbers shops for fear the barbel's will monopo i lize all the talk. "Mamma," cried Eflie, rushing into the room, "the big clock has stopped, j I'm sure it has, for I don't hear it j cackling!" "Minnie, I wish you would not give I milk to your kitten on the carpet." Minnie: "Don't disturb her. She's on ; her last lap." i The habits of fruit are peculiar; we have seen a raisin box, a fi drum, and i au apple stand all day on the corner of a street. ! A bright little Sunday-school boy was disgusted when told that ramrods were ! not named for Nimrod, the mighty hun I ter. She was plump and beautiful, and he I he was wildly fond of her. She hated ' him, but, woman like, strove to catch him. He was a flea. Altoona boasts of a cucumber four and a half feet long. There is probably enough colic power in it to run a twelve horse jower engine. A child being asked what were the three great feasts of the Jews, promptly and not unnaturally replied: "Breakfast, dinner and supper." The Rev. Dr. Sloely has gone to heathen lands as a missionary. The heathens, it is hoped, will not take Dr. Hall's advice and eat Sloely. Indignant wife: "If I had known you were coming home in this condition, I should have gone home to my father's." Inebriated husband: "Hie would you! I an awful sorry I didn't send you word hie." "I'm glad I'm not Grant," said an Oil citizen, recently, "for if I was I couldn't go down to post my books, and wander into a minstrel show without my wife reading it in the paper the next morn ing." Rich dentist (who is contemplating the erection of aline residence) . "What style of architecture do you recom mend?" Architect seeing it's you. I should think Tuscan would be about the thing. An Oil citizen received a bill last week from a New York firm, with the usual request: "Please write us by next mail; would like to close our books before the first of the year." Promptly he returned the answer: "All right, close them up. I have no objection." Says Puck: A bold, base, utterly un trustworthy man tells us 'the following advertisement recently appeared in a city paper: "Wanted for adoption A baby with a fathe Address Widow, Station Z." An interchangeable family ulstet. supplies u want long felt. In the pos session of a young married couple it can be worn by either party. The engager, ment ulster is one big enough for two. when the couple walk out together. Commodore Vanderbilt once visited a spiritual medium, who began by say ing: "Your first wife wishes to comma- nicate with you." "Perhaps so," safd the Commodore, abruptly, "but that is not what I came here for." A man in Lewiston, New York, having occasion to build a house where a large elm tree stood, did not cut it down, but built around it. The odd sight is now presented of a tree-top growing out of the roof of a handsome brick house. The man who marries under tho im pression that his wife gives up every thing for him father, mother, brothers, sisters and home finds out sometimes that, however much the wife may have given up, the father mother, brothers, sisters, etc., have not given her up. The woman who can sit still and smilingly entertain a male visitor, per ceiving all the time that he has succeeded in wriggling all the pins out of her tidy, and is at that precious moment calmly sitting on it, and will probably be for the next hour, is sure of a reward in the next n-nrll if sVip dofis not receive it in.. this. Tlie King and Queen g&fgpain showed publicly the otner day, while driving in Madrid, their devotion to their Church. They met a priest who was taking tho last sacraments to a dying man, and, alighting from their carriage, tlie young pair lent it to the priest, following on foot. A worthy yountlfcural agriculturist of Pietv hill. Shasta county, hsut leen lectincr poll tax from Chinamen giving themjagpvl Templar doju receipts. Lnas he saves som from beiftg shipped to C spreads temperance doctrines ueatnen. , :.