The Corvallis gazette., November 07, 1879, Page 4, Image 4

WEEKLY CORVALLIS GAZETTE-
OORVALLIS,
NOVEMBER 7, 1879
UNDER THE GUm.
Under the guns of tbe fort on tbe bill
Daisies are blossoming, buttercups nil;
UP t tie gray ramparts the scaling vine flings
Higu its green ladders and falters and clings
Under the guns,
Under the guns.
Under the guns of the fort on the hill.
Under the cans of the fort on the hill.
Once shook the earth with the canonade's
Once trod' these buttercups, feet that, now
still, ' ,,,
Lie all at rest in their trench by the mill
Under the gnus.
Under the guns,
Unier tbe guns of tne fort on the hill.
Under tbe guns of the fort on the hill,
Equal the rain falls on good and on ill.
Soft lies the mnshine, still the brook runs.
Still tolls the husbandman under the guns,
Under tbe guns.
Under the guns.
Under the guns of the fort on the hill.
Under the guns of Thy fort on the hill.
Lord! in Yby mercy we wait on Thy will;
Lord, is it war that Thy wisdom best knows.
Lord, is it peace thatTby goodness still shows,
Under the guns,
Under the guns.
Under the gunsofTby forton the hill.
Bret Harte, in London Society.
Ibe Death-Trap.
Mr. Warren, the mate of the whaleship
Roberta, was loved and respected by
every man in the vessel, with the excep
tion of Harry Thompson a tall, dark
browed youth, of an evil, quarrelsome
disposition . Thompson had taken a dis
like to the mate from the moment he dis
covered the latter was a man calculated
to win the esteem of his crew. He
(Thompson) had hoped to excite the
men to mutiny; but when he perceived
how kindly they were treated by the first
officer, he Knew to accompiisn ius pur
pose he must first remove Warren from
his path. Night and day, therefore, he
watched for an opportunity to take the
life of the mate to strike the murderous
blow in such a way as to avoid detection
Days, weeks and months glided on; the
ship rounded the stormy Cape Horn,
bowling along toward the sperm-whale
cruising ground off the Gallipagos, and
still the dark-browed villain waited for a
chance to accomplish his hellish work.
One evening, just after sundown, while
the hands were eating their supper, the
well-known cry of "There she blows!
came down from the masthead, causing
every man to spring to his feet. Whales
were discovered about a league off the
lee bow; and the captain, having ordered
the main-yard hauled back, darted aloft
with his glass slung over his shoulder
Soon after he was ordering his mates to
lower their boats.
With a glad shout the men sprung to
the davit, the ropes slid through the
tackle-blocks, and the boats, dropping
into the water, were soon manned.
"Give way, lads!" cried the mate, seiz
ing his steering oar. "Give way with a
will!"
"Ay, ay," responded the crew, and the
voice of Thompson, who pulled the bow
oar, was the loudest.
A strange light shone in his evil eyes
his teeth were compressed, he seemed to
think the moment for which he had
waited so long was at hand.
The four boats glided swiftly over the
long, heavy swells so common in the
Pacific, the mate taking the lead, and in
a short time the spouting of a whale was
heard a few fathoms ahead.
"Your paddles men your paddles!'
gritted the first officer through his
clenched teeth. Stand up, Hal!
Hal was the boatsteerer or harpooner
He sprang lightly to his feet, his iron
ready in his hand. But just as the mate
' was on the point of giving the familiar
order, "Give it to him! " the monster of
the deep turned flukes and disappeared
Warren fairly turned pale with dis
appointment.
"There, we've lost him!" he cried.
"I think you're mistaken, sir," said the
harpooner. "Yonder," pointing to the
mast, "is the top of the moon's disc just
rising above the sea. We'll have light
enough, I reckon, to see that humpbacked
chap when he comes up again."
"Ay, ay, you are right, Hal," answered
the mate, rubbing his hands. "I never
before whaled it by moonlight; but we'll
have a chance to do so now, for I'll keep
on that fellow's track until we get a
chance to plant an iron in his hump, if it
takes me all night, This is our first
lowering since we sailed, and blow me if
I don t mean that it shall be a lucky one
Pull ahead!"
The crew obeyed, and in the course of
half an hour the spout of the whale was
seen rising like a jet of liquid silver about
a quarter of a mile ahead of the boat
The moon had by this time risen high
above the horizon, sprinkling water-stars
all over the surface of the sea.
"Pull ahead stretch yourselves, my
lads! cried the mate. " W e 11 soon have
an iron in that chap ahead."
The men pulled with a will, and in a
short time the boat was witHm six fath
oms of the monster.
"Stand up, Hal!"
And the boatsteerer sprang to his feet
"Give it to him!"
The harpoon clove the air with a rush
ing sound, and was buried to the socket
in the hump. Then came the order to
"stern;" and as the whale sounded, the
mate and boatsteerer changed places.
The boat was now rushing through the
water with the speed of lightning, the
spray foaming and boiling around her
bow, and her gunwales forward almost
on a level with the water.
With a triumphant flash lighting his
snake-like eyes, Thompson stooped side
ways from his thwart to unlash one of
the lances secured to the side of the boat.
"Quick! Quick, my man! Hurry up
with that lance!" exclaimed the mate,
stretching out his hand to receive the
weapon
"Ay, ay, sir," answered Thompson in
a hoarse voice; and suddenly rising up
with the deadly steel in his hand, he
he contrived to stumble in such a man
ner as would, he hoped, cause the blade
to pierce the bosom of the mate.
The latter, however, avoided the stroke
by stepping nimbly to one side, when
with pretended anxiety Thompson quick
ly rose, declaring that he never could
have forgiven his own awkwardness if
the mate had suffered from it.
"Don't mention it," exclaimed Warren,
"Accidents will sometimes happen. You
were not to blame for stumbling," and
he took the lance from the other's hand.
Foiled in this attempt upon the life of
the man he hated, Thompson quickly re
solved to make another. The slackening
of the line soon afforded him the -opportunity
he craved. While the men were
hauling upon the rope, he contrived,
unobserved, to iwist into several kinks,
the part which was nearest the mate,
just as the whale came looming up from
the ocean, within darting distance of the
boat.
"Now, then," Thompson mentally ex
claimed, "the moment the whale sounds
one of the kinks I have prepared will be
come entangled about the mate's leg, or
his neck, and drag him overboard. There
goes the lancel" he continued aloud, as
Warren hurled the weapon, with unerr
ing aim, into the monster s body.
Up went the flukes of the whale, and
the next moment he disappeared a sec
ond time beneath the green chambers of
the sea.
Then, as the line ran whipping through
the chocks of the boat, the kinks which
had been arranged by Thompson to en
snare the life of the mate, flew upward
like wreathing serpents, forming a
"bight," which, glancing past the first of
ficer as he dodged to avoid it, caught
tightly around the neck of the villain who
had prepared the infernal trap, and
pulled him overboard with the velocity
of a cannon ball. The mate instantly
severed the line with a blow of his hatch
et, but Thompson was never seen again
by the crew of the Roberts.
A few days afterwards the whale was
recaptured, killed and towed to the ship.
The German Emperor.
The Emperor William completed his
eighty-second year last March, and is
still strong enough to enjoy a good din
ner, though he has an interview every
morning with his physician, who decides
whether His Majesty is fit to go out, or
whether he must keep to his rooms. Ap
ropos of the dinner, the first "officer of
the mouth to the Jlaiser was once a
Frenchman, and probably still is. Only
after the war Of 1870-71, the kmperor,
in a fit of patriotism, dismissed him, and
advanced a Teuton to that post. But the
new chief cook, with the best intentions,
only succeeded in giving his "most-all-
graoious liege lord a series ol violent
attacks of indigestion. Bo the Jb rench
man was reinstated.
The Emperor is, indeed, an epicure in
every sense of the word a fact which a
certain Exeter Hall meeting seemed to
be scarcely aware of. His relations
toward his august consort are evidence
of how sincerely he admires and has
studied the life of his famous predecessor,
Frederick the Great. When young, he
was renowned for an assiduous and
honorable devotion toward the worthier
sex.
One tenet of the Epicurean philosophy
he has not embraced, for the Kaiser is
extremely religious. He begins every
day by reading his Bible, and, smile as
one may when he thinks of other facts in
his life, it would be the greatest of mis
takes to regard him as a crowned Peck
sniff. The dispatches which we all read
during the Franco-German war, and
which praised the Almighty for the
Prussian victories, were written in a
perfectly honest and believing spirit, and
were, in truth, edifying instances of
humility. "AToi nobis, not unto us, but
unto Thy name give the praise." Hu
manity is nothing if not inconsistent.
"The Prince of Prussia," as he was
once styled, was the reverse of a reputa
tion for hospitality. The truth is that he
had a very small allowance, and Prussian
traditions have always been frugal. The
Emperor's father, Frederick 111., lived
in the plainest manner; much more
plainly than most comfortably-off Ber
liners. Indeed, the old King was rather
amused to see how his own subjects "cut
him out." One day there was a very
good dinner at the Palace, and the King
said, with a smile: "It's almost good
enough for a Privy Councilor." Prince
William's invitations were dreaded like
the cholera, and, of course, they could
not be declined. A cup of tea and a
wisp of white bread (still a luxury in
Prussia), with the thinnest possible
layer of marmalade on it, was the utmost
possibility of refreshment in the halls of
the heir presumptive. It ended by gen
tlemen, and even ladies, slipping out of
the Prince's house and going to a neigh
boring restaurant for a snack, after which
they would return to the princely abode.
One day William "spotted this little
manoeuvre; and, in intercepting a lady
who was making her temporary exit,
gravely reminded her that she could not
go yet, for the Princess (the hapless
Augusta) was still in the rooms.
Emperor William has improved on
Prince William, which shows that he
simply wanted money to "do the thing"
handsomely. Now he ejives champagne
as well as tea at his parties, also biscuits
and sandwiches plus the bread and mar
malade. London Truth.
Uncle .Andrew's Romance.
Uncle Andrew sat leaning his elbows
on the table, supporting his head on his
hand. Traces of fresh tears were upon
his cheeks, and his eyes were fixed on
the ivory miniature which lay before
him, depicting, as I saw by the gl
which 1 caught of it, a bright,
face of surpassing beauty
T 1 !1 LI 1 i I
j. uaa no inougnt oi intruding upon
Uncle Andrew's private griefs when I
entered his room without warning. In
deed, I never suspected that he had any
griefs, he was so cheerful and pleasant,
and so free from the crustiness commonly
set dawn as the distinguishing traits of
old bachelors.
I was about to beat a haffcy retreat,
when Uncle Andrew stopped me.
"Don't go, Charlie," he said, "I feel
as though it would do me good to to talk
a bit just now."
"Is that the likeness of a relative?"
I asked, pointing to the miniature,
which seemed to be the subject of bis
thoucht.
"No," he answered; "but I will tell
you the story if you care to hear it. I
think it would be a relief to tell some
one this evening."
I drew up a chair in front of Uncle
Andrew, who thus proceeded:
"You may form some conception of
how beautiful Alice Bond was from the
picture you see there, though the reality
was far beyond the power of any artist to
reproduce.
"She was a delicate and tender flower
A hereditary tendency to heart disease
her mother had died suddenly from that
cause gave her friends much anxiety in
her earlier years, but the doctors gave
encouragement that she would outgrow
it in time, and Mr. Bond went on making
money as usual, with an eye to leaving
his daughter, some day, tne ricnesi neir
ess in the land.
"T wna a Viarinv vmifch that dftv when I
told Alice that I loved her and had done
so ever since I knew the meaning of the
word, and she leaned her darling head
on my shoulder and whispered back the
precious answer that satisfied my heart's
longings.
"We both knew Alice's father too well
to hope for his present sanction to our
union. " This was our plan: I would go
to the land of gold, then newly dis
covered, win a fortune, and then return
and claim the hand of the rich man's
daughter when he would have no right
to scorn my suit as that ot a mercenary
adventurer.
"For two long years I toiled in that
wild, far-off country, as a man only can
toil when he has some cherished end in
view. I was among the fortunate ones
and at the end of the period named had
amassed a sum beyond my most sanguine
hopes. The time had come when I need
wait no longer. The days of servitude
were over, and I might now claim the
nrize.
"With what impatience I made the
weary journey homeward. Not a line
had passed between Alice and myself. It
was a condition of our compact that we
should hold no communication till the
time came that we might ask Alice's
father for his approval. The self-imposed
restriction had been faithfully
observed. I did not even write to tell
Alice of my good success. I wished to
be bearer of the good news in person.
"At last I set foot in my native town.
My first greeting I resolved should come
from Alice. I rather ran than walked to
her house.
"Tell Miss Bond a gentleman wishes
to see her, I said, excitedly, to a servant
who answered my hasty ring.
" 'I fear you cannot see her to-day,'
was the response.
"Why not?" I asked impatiently.
" 'Do you not know she is to be mar-
Sick Room Bales.
Rents in Ieelanp. Our Dublin cor
respondent writes under date of August
14th: The agitation for a reduction of
rent, which has hitherto been confined
to some districts of the south and west,
has now penetrated to the north, and the
first demonstration in support of it was
held yesterday at Toomonridge, County
Antrim. It was composed of persons re
presenting the farming classes from the
adjoining districts of Antrim, London
derry and Tyrone, and was held in a large
hall called the Temple of Liberty , and
was crowded to excess, the meeting num
bering, it is stated, over 2000 persons.
Mr. Brown, a farmer, presided. The
meeting was addressed by several tenant
farmers and seven resolutions on the
subject of rent and the land question
were adopted. They declared the ne
cessity for the reduction of rents to be
"mandatory" in the present "alarming
and critical state of agriculture," and ap
pealed to the landlords "to consider the
propriety, the wisdom and humanity of
sympathizing with their tenantry in their
distress, and of showing practically their
appreciation of the circumstances of the
case by voluntarily conceding an ade
quate reduction of rent," They further
declared that under the Ulster custom,
the landlords and tenants were partners
in the land, the law should make provis
ion for determining, in case of dispute,
what is a fair rent, "without the necessity
and barbarity of ejecting the tenant" be
fore the court can interfere; also that the
restriction of a free sale of the land,
which was caused by the laws of primo
geniture and entail, should be abolished,
but as a temporary expedient, until a
general distribution of the land should
be made, they were in favor of extending
the Ulster tenant-right custom to all parts
of Ireland, and they declared that the cus
tom consisted of "free sale of his hold
ing by the tenant, fair rent and contin
uous occupancy." They finally express
ed approval of the policy embodied in the
Bright clause of the Land act, and re
solved that Parliament would be asked
to concede facilities for giving more ef
fect to these clauses, and promoting the
the formation of a peasan,ry proprietary.
These resolutions contain a definition of
the tenant custom, which it sought to
have affirmed by the Legislature, but
which is inconsistent with the terms of
thr Land act. London Times. -
There is a married gentleman who com
plains that his better half gives him no
quarter.
ried
vant.
this morning ?' returned the ser-
"Married !" I said, gasping for breath.
"Married! to whom ?"
" To Mr. Ellis Wythe."
"Ellis Wythe ! the villain ! He had
pretended to be my friend, and was the
only confidente of my love for Alice.
"Not well knowing what I did, I stag
gered past the servant and was soon in
the midst of the gay company, to whom
Mr. Bond, stiff and stately as usual, was
doing the honors with an air of great
satisfaction.
"The bridegroom and his attendants
stood in a little group by themselves. A
clergyman was in waiting to do his office.
They seemed to be only waiting for the
bride.
I advanced and confronted Ellis
Wythe. Heaven knows what I would
have said or done, for I was in no rea
sonable mood. But at that instant a
piercing shriek from an upper chamber
rang through the house. Alarm over
spread the countenance of the guests.
There was a general rush for the stair
way, and I was borne along with the
others. Through the open door of an
apartment we saw the bridesmaid, who
had gone to summon the bride, kneeling
beside a prostrate form in white. It was
that of Alice in her wedding robes. The
strain upon the worn, troubled heart had
been too great. She was dead.
"It was not till afterwards that I
learned the full perfidy of Ellis Wythe.
He had pretended to receive intelligence,
through a correspondent, of my marriage
and permanent settlement in California.
Stung by my apparent faithlessness,
Alica had yielded to her father's com
mand and consented to marry a man she
did not love. But the poor, crushed
heart rebelled at last and broke."
Poor Uncle Andrew! and that was
the reason he had always remained a
bachelor.
But It Cubed Heb. A young lady,
well known in fashionable circles of Ed
inburgh, was accustomed to use her eye
glass in the street in a way that often
bordered on impertinence. One day she
received a stinging rebuke, which made
her drop the impudent habit. While
walking in the street with several other
fashionable ladies she met a country
clergyman, a man of eminence and keen
wit, but ungainly in appearance and
rough in attire. Putting her glass to the
eye, she watched him very intently. The
clergyman was quite equal to the emer
gency. Walking directly to her he took
her hand and said: "My dear Marie,
how do you do 1 How are your worthy
father and venerable mother ? and when
did you come to town ?" Overwhelmed
with surprise, she said, with some alarm,
"You are mistaken, sir." "What ! is it
possible," he replied "that you do not
know me?" "Indeed, I do not, sir."
"Neither do I yon." said the minister.
"Good morning, madam. ' Making a
ceremonious bow, he walked away,
while her companions laughed at the
bold girl for the rebuff she bad received.
Her eye-glass was never used again to
quiz strangers.
It is a singular fact that a man who is
second in command at home always wants
to rule the whole of creation when he
gets outside his gate.
1. Whenever you go to see a sick per
son never take a brass band; brass bands
are more or less expensive. If, how
ever, you take a brass band with you, let
each man play a different air, finishing
up by "Tom O'Shanter" on the bass
drum. It is best to have this last exe
cuted in the room directly underneath
the sick chamber.
2. Always ring the bell as though you
were trying to pull the back yard out by
the roots. Continue this until you get
seven or eight fire engines playing on the
house.
3. If you can't get in by the front way
either knock out a window, or go up on
to the roof by the lightning rod. This
latter plan will enable you, if the house
is a frame one, to lack all the Doarcis
loose and provide a matinee for those in
side the house. After you have reached
the roof, if you haven't strangled your
self with profanity, cough up your iaise
teeth and yell down the scuttle for a step
ladder.
4. Alwavs bear a cheerful countenance.
If you go into the sick chamber looking
like a 35 cent chromo of a Pawnee ceme
tery, it will be apt to throw a damper on
the festivities.
5. Talk cheerfully. Commence by
saying that the Asiatic cholera has started
on a pleasure trip at reduced rates, and
that the hoop business is quite brisk; or,
say that seventy-five tons of nitro
glycerine began a business engagement
near a circus in setae place in New York,
and that the authorities in all the princi
pal cities of the country have been tele
graphed to wait on the remains as they
arrive.
6. Talk as loud as you can, so that
people in the next township will think a
theological student, nome on a vacation,
is keeniner his lungs in training.
A few such rules as these kept in mind
during a visit to a sick friend will be apt
to nrove beneficial, as it will inspire the
patient with more will and a stronger de
termination to live, and create a sort of
vacuum in your family. Keokuk Con
stitution. -
A Centenabian Smoker. We lately
chronicled the death of a stout centena
rian in the Isle of Skye, an old woman,
but the really "oldest inhabitant" is only
now dead, and she, too, was Scotch, Mrs.
Margaret Robertson, or Duncan, died
two davs since at Coupar Angus in her
107th year. She was born in Glensee,
we are told, in 1773, and had lived under
the reign of three British Kings and one
Queen. Until about six or eight years
ago she retained possession of her facul
ties, but then she became blind, and,
about a year since, bedridden. She was
very intelligent, it is stated, and talked
in terms of becoming scorn or tne poor,
feeble creatures who could not manage
to live longer than a paltry eighty or
ninety vears. which, she declared, "nae
aere ava" (Anglice. "at all"). But how
did this seasoned old dame, it may be
asked, manage to "top" the century in
lonsrevitv? For one thing she was a de
voted smoker. The clav pipe was con
stantly in her mouth, and she repudiated
the notion that it could do her any harm.
When spoken to about the injurious
effects of the tobacco, her invariable an
swer was, "I've smoked a' my days. It's
has plenty time to dae me ill, and it's
never socht" (sought). Mrs. Duncan's
deduction from her long experience will
be admitted to be perfectly sound, and
every smoker will refer with pleasure to
the tough old lady, of Coupar Angus as a
conclusive proof of the antiseptic proper
ties of his favorite weed. London Tele
graph. '
Pebfectlt Plain. In the Police
Court of Chicago a wife thus ingeniously
explained away serious charges of harsh
treatment of her husband: One day
when she was coining across the room,
with a fork in her hand he jumped in her
way and struck his wrist against the
fork, wrenching it from her grip by the
tines, which he ran into his wrist. Then
he undertook to strike her, but she held
up a pan of hot dishwater between them,
and he spilled it over his head. Then he
got still more angry at this accident, and
started to jump at her, but his head came
down against her hand, and he fell down.
She took hold of his hair to raise him up,
and the hair was moistened by the hot
water so that it came off. Then j3he saw
it was no use to try to reason with him
any longer, and she lest the house.
At the east end of the City Hall mar
ket recentlj a boy suddenly seized a bar
rel stave and began pounding a dog
which was tied to a wagon wheel The
animal's yelps and yells at once attracted
the attention of a man, who called out:
"Hold on, there I What's that dog
done?" "Snatched a big piece of
bologny outer my hand and swallered
it!" replied the boy, as he gave the dog
another whack. "See here," continued
the man, as he came nearer, ' 'don't you
know that that dog feels those blows?"
"Don't I! Of course I know it! Do
you think I'm doin' all this hard work
and raisin' all this row just for the sake
of workin' the rheumatiz outer my
elbows?" Detroit Free Press.
Custaro Pudding. Into half a pint of
milk, put the peel of half a lemon very
finely shred; when it boils put iu an
ounce of lump sugar, take out the peel,
and pour the milk on two eggs well beat
en. Put the custard into a basin or
tart. dish, and set it in a saucepan with
boiling water reaching only half way up
the basin. Do not let the water boil, but
keep it just bubbling. In about twenty
minutes the custard should be set. It
may be eaten either hot or cold, and any
flavor may be substituted for that of
lemon-peel.
In a family residing not a great dis
tance from South Boston is a certain
smart little boy of three years of age,
who thinks a great deal, as all good lit
tle boys do, of his little baby sister. The
other day the nurse slapped his sister's
fingers for something she had done. He
did not like this, so stepping up to her,
with his eyes blazing with anger, he said:
"Don't you do that again ! If you do
I'll put you in a baloon and send you up
to God; He loves you but I don't."
Fanny Kennedy, or "Old Aunt Fanny,"
as she was called, has just died at Louis
ville, Ky., where she was known at one
time as "Queen of the Negroes." Aunt
Fanny bought her freedom years ago,
and succeeded in saving considerable
property afterward in Louisville. She
acted as banker for hundreds of her race,
was sent for when any of her friends
"got into trouble and gave them not only
advice but more substantial aid.
Country Ho el Recipes.
Scrambled Eggs. Take nine parts of
eggs and one part of good ol 1 lard. H
suspicious of the health of any of the eggs
give them the benefit of the doubt and
put them in with the rest. Then turn
into a skillet which has previously held
fried mackerel, and scramble them with
a potato-masher. Fry until tough or
thoroughly impregnated with the fish-oil
and lard; add a little of the uncooked
eggs which remain in tne pan w
them a fresh appearance; set in a place
to cool, and then serve.
Steak. Catch a bull and. cut off a
piece so near his norns mat you can
smell powder. Pound m the morning
before people are out of bed; hang it up
in the sun to get tender, and fry for sup
per. He-fry lor oreakiast. r ry again ior
supper, and so on ad lib., until the steak
gets discouraged. uooked m tnis man
ner, it will provoke such flashes of in
tellect as we heard one morning, and
which we jot down as illustrative:
I m only eating this for exercise.
"Is this tough!
Certainly it's tough," was replied.
"I'd like to have enough of this to
make a target of," etc.
Cobn Cakes. Take unbolted oat-meal
ten cups full; add one slop-bucket full
of water; two spoons full of coarse salt,
and three quarts of buttermilk. Stii
cook until they are black-and-tan, and
set in a cool place until clammy. They
will be found to have a tartness that no
other method can supply.
Coffee a laMek Atlantique. Take a
good deal of water, and throw in coffee
grains, say a handful, and some "ex
tract." Boil until it changes color.
Wheeling Leader.
SHORT ITEM.
A greats many of our modern young
ladies resemble the lillies of the field
they toil not, neither do they spin! But
they spend a pile of money and lay
aronnd the house and let their mothers
do the work. That's the kind of holly
hocks they are.
TCatiiv SoiiD. A gentleman from this
city who visited San Francisco to attend
the Grant reception, saw one of the
street cars coming down Clay street, and
rushing into the crowd yelled out: "Get
out of the way! The horses have broken
loose from a car and it is coming down
the hill hand-over-fist, and some of these
children '11 get killed yit." A bystander
bet with him that the car would return
as it came. The wager was taken and
our friend, losing all his money, was ob
liged to borrow sufficient to bring him
home. Santa Rosa Times.
A little boy told his grandmother to
turn down a leaf in the family Bible
every time he told a lie. At the end of
the week the old lady asked him how
many lies he had told during the seven
. i ii ii 1 1
days. le silently nanaea ner tne noiy
hnnt. She turned page after page, and
at length said angrily: "Why, you little
vrat vmi've lied all the wav from ttene
sis to "Revelations, and half way through
the Psalms."
A CarncAii Suggestion. When the
stern old Scotch warrior said "The hand
nf i)nnrlas is his own." was it in response
to an insinuation that he held a pair of
aces that didn't belong to him. Cincui
nati Saturday Night.
A humor comes from Paris that bon
nets are to be worn on the head here
after. A new felt hat recently purchased by
Mr. Evarts is believed to supply a long
felt want.
Memory would be the sweetest of all
blessings if we only had bright moments
to remember.
"I'll join you presently," said the min
ister to the young couple, as he went for
the church key.
The school-boys in California, when
asked "How is the earth divided?" an
swer, "By earthquakes."
"Gorhamighty!" is the alarmed cry of
those Republicans who hear the grief
that George is coming back.
The nights in Zululand are described
as cool. The English, however, found
the climate warm enough.
The biggest fool in the world is dead.
He told his mother-in-law she lied. She
did it with her little skillet.
When yon hear a man bragging about
his many virtues, don t let him see where
you hang the key to your hen-toost.
Judges at baby shows in Kentucky
wear masks. It saves unpleasantness
after the prizes have been awarded.
"How to act in a sick room." Don't
act in a sick room. If yon must act,
join a dramatic company or hire a hall
Mr. Sullivan, of Starkville, Miss., in
tends to turn loose his newly-invented
nying-machme on the 1st of November
The telegrams which the ex-khedive
sends off from his Italian residence are
currently reported to cost him $400 f
day.
When you see a young gentleman es
corting a young lady with suspicious
regularity, you can bet on that walking
match.
Any man who can swap horses or ketch
fish and not lie about it is just about
as pious as men ever get to be in this
world.
A Sunday school boy, upon being
asked what made the tower of Pisa lean
replied, "Because of the famine in the
land."
What is tne difference between a
farmer and a bottle of whisky? One hus
bands the com and the other corns the
husband.
A wag who had lent a minister a horse
that had run away and thrown the clergy
man, claimed credit for spreading the
gospel.
"No',' said Paperwate, explaining
wasn't really mad when the old man drove
me from the house, but I must say I felt
put out.
"Talk about the jaws of death!" ex
claimed a man who had a termagant
wife. I tell yon they re nothing to the
jaws of life.
"What is wisdom?" asked a teacher of
a class of small girls. A bright-eyed lit
tle creature arose and answered, "Infor
mation of the brain." -
A newly-married couple can always be
"spotted" by their baggage. They are
sure to .carry a pan of trunks and a pair
of traveling bags.
What mustBrigham Young's feelings
have been on his death-bed when he
thought of all his thirty-six young and
artless widows marrying again?
Because a girl refused him, an Ohio
man attempted suicide. The silly fool
never stopped to consider that no woman
wants to marry a dead man.
An exchange says that Pennsylvania
Drtch girls make good preserves. But it
doesn't say how much sugar you take to
a pound of Dutch girl, nor how long you
let 'em boil.
The other day a teacher asked an un
regenerafe pupil what the gender of a
certain noun was. The pupil quickly re
plied: "I think it is neuter, sir. At any
rate it is neu-ter-me."
A little girl had a representation of
"Moses in the Bulrushes" in her picture
book, "Here, grandma," said she inno
cently, "is a picture of Jesus in the
huckleberry bushes."
When the Princess Helen was born it
was told the Princess Royal that she had
got a young sister. "O, that is delight
ful!" cried the innocent royalist, "do
let me go and tell mamma."
It may be well for Victoria Woonhull
at once to understand that we do not
propose to have for President any one
married to an English nobleman. One
or the other must be dropped.
Bartlett Peaks, Canned. First pre
pare a syrup; allow one pint of water
and a quarter of a pound of white sugar
to every quart of pears; drop each piece
as it is pared into the clear cold water
this is done to keep them from changing
color; when the syrup has come to a
hard boil, drop in the fruit carefully, so
as not to bruise; boil until they look
clear, and can be easily pierced with a
fork; have your cans rolled iu hot water;
fill them with the scalding fruit to over
flowing; keep them on the fire all the
while and seal. Common pears require
different treatment; they must be boiled
in water until tender, then boiled ten
minutes in the syrup before canning.
SAFS & LOCK COMPANY,
.AIM A I, - - !, OOO
tiM.rj fiL-os ntl ranuf-ictory
CINCINNATI, OHIO.
Pacific Branch,
Mo. 210 Sansome St., S. F-
Agency for Oreirou and Washington 'territory,
withiiAWUKx , wuu J uu., roruaau.
HALL'S PA I EST CONCftETE
FIRE-PROOF SAFES.
Have been tested by the most disastrous confla
grations in tbe country.
Tney are uiorougniy are proui.
They are free from dampness.
Their superiority is beyond question.
Although about'l 50,000 of these safes are now
in use, and hundreds have been tested by some
of the most disastrous conflagrations in tne
couutry, there is not a single instance on record
r ., r -1 i . : ...
wherein one Ol mera ever iaueu u (uoacno i
contents perfectly.
HALL'S PATENT DOVETAILED
TSXON Ann GnooVR
BURGLAR-PROOF
Have never been broken open and robbed by
burglars or robbers.
Hall's burglar work i3 protected by letters
patent, aud his work cannot be equaled lawfully.
His patent bolt is superior to any in use.
His patent locks cannot be picked by the most
skillful experts or burglars.
By one of the greatest improvement? known,
ihn firoas Automatic Movement, our locks are
operated withont any arbor or spindle passing
through the door and into the lock.
nnr locks cannot be opened or picked by bur
glars or experts, (as in case of other locks), anil we
will put from $1,000 o $10,000 behind tnem any
t 'xminat. .111 fHiufi! amount
The most skilled workmen only are employed.
Their work cannot be excelled.
Hall's Safes aud Locks can be relied on at all
IS rAS
Tney are carefully and thorughly constructed.
THEY AKE THE BE.VT SlFE
Made in America, or any other country.
One Thousand Dollars
To any person who c.n prove that one of Hall's
patent burglar-prooi sales uasever urea
broken open and robbed by
burglars up to the
present time.
F. R. WILLIAMS,
Agent for Oregon and W. T.
ufllcr who Bawlej, l.odd A Co.
28:'ebl6:9tf. Portland
Bees Hamlin.
Emstett F. Wbenn.
DRAYAGE !
DRAY ACE!
Hamlin & Wrenn- Propr's.
nAVlXG
rial, m
JIST RETURNED FROM
with a new track, and having
leased the 'lam lormerly occupied by James iig
lin, wo are now prepu ed to do all kinds of
c: RaYINC AD HAULING,
either in tiie cilv or country, at the lowest living
rales, t.'an be found at the old truck stand. A
h:,i .if ti:e public oatrouase respectfully solic
ited
!Vo. 1S7S.
15:52tf
JOB PRINTING.
-THE
Gazette Job Printing House
IS NOW PREPARED TO DO
Plain and Ornamental Printing,
Ai neat and Cheap as it can be done by any
Office on the Coast
Bill Beads,
Letter Heatda.
Mote heads,
axa.emeats,
P. os; r names.
Ball Tickets.
Invltatloas
Circulars,
Business ards.
VisiUuff t arda,
labels.
Dodgers.
Huia.ll Poster,
Bavelopes.
Learni Blanks'
Bank Botes,
Sblpplns Receipts,
Order Books,
linns,
VMBB,
He.. Etc
Orders by mail promptly
mates furnished.
filled. Esti-
AUCU8T KNIGHT,
CABINET MAKES,
-AND
UNDERTAKER-
Cor. Second and Monroe SU
CORVALLIS,
OBisoa.
Keeps constantly on band all kinds of
FURN1TU3E
COFFIN8 AND CASKETS.
Work done to order on short notice, and
at reasonable rates.
CorTsllia. Jan. 1, 1877, tW
BOOKS WHICH ARE BOOKS.
Good Books lor All.'
Works which should be found In every library
within the reach of all readers. Works to en.
tertain, instruct and improve. Copies will
pent by return post, on receipt of price.
jyexa rnysuxmomy ; or biens ot Character, aa
manifested through Temoeraiiient. anrl F.xfr.
nal Forms, and especially in the Human Face
Divine. With more than One Th.m.aud Illus
trations. By Samuel R. Wei is. T'iS nncraa
Heavy muslin. $5.60.
Hydropathic Encyclopedia ; A system of Hvgien e
embracing uutlines ot Anatomv, Physiology
of the Human Body : Preservation of HealtE :
Dietetics and Cookery ; Theory and Practice of
Hygienic Treatment; Special Pathology and
Therapeutics, including the Natue, Causes
Symptoms and Treatment of all Known Dip
eases. By R. T. Trail, If. D. Nearlv 1000
pages. $4.00.
Wedlock; or The Right Relations of the Sexes.
A Scientific Treatise, disclosing the Laws of
Conjugal Selection. Showing Who May and
Who May Not Marry. By Samuel R. Wells.
Sow to Mead; and Hints in Choosing the Best
Books, with a Classified L:st of Works of Bio
graphy, History, Criticism, Fine Arts, Poetry,
Fiction, Religion, Science, Language, etc Bv
$imooie V PetiU' 220 pagt's' 12 mo' muslin-
Sow to Write; a Manual of Composition and
Letter-Writing. Muslin, 75c.
tlOW 10 XOIK ; a Manual of rnnvorantinn
Debate, with mistakes in Speaking corrected.
75c.
Sow to Behave; a Manual of "Rpnnhlinnti Ft;
quette and Guide to Correct Personal Habits,
with Rules for Debating Societies. Muslin
75c.
Sow to do Business; a Pocket Manual of Practi
cal Anairs anu a guide to Success, with a col
lection of Legal Forms. Mnxli n Ihn
Choice of Pursu; or What to Do and How to
Educate Lach Man for his Proper work, de
scribing Seventy-five Trades and Professions
and theTalents and Temperaments required
By N. S zer. $1.00.
Expression, its Anatomy and Philosophy, with
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tions. $1.00.
Soio to Paint; Designed for Trade-men, Mer
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al Painter. Plain and Fancy Painting, Guild
ing, Graining, Varnishing, Polishing, Paper
Hanging, Ka sominingand Ornamenting, For
mulas for Mixing Paint in Oil or Water. By
Gardner. $1.00.
Combe's Constitution of Man. Considered in
relation to External Objects. $1.50.
Combe's Lectures on Phrenology. With an Essay
on the Phrenological mode of Investigation,
and a Hi-torical Sketch. By Andrew Board
man, M. D. $1.50.
Sow to Read Character. A new Illustrated
Hand-book of Phrenology and Physiognomy.
With 170 engravings. Muslin, $1.25.
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tion aud Management of Fruit Trees, and of
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Illustrated. $1.00.
Utter to Women on Midwifery and the Diseases
of women. With General Management of
Childbirth, the Nursery, etc. For Wives and
Mothers. $1.50.
Science of Human Life. By Sylvester Graham.
With a Copicus Index and Biographical Sketch
of the Author. $3.00.
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voted to Ethmology, Physiology, Phrenology
Physiognomy, Psycology". Biography, Educa
tion, Art, Literature, with Measures tp Re
form, Elevate and Improve Mankind Physi
cally, Mentally aud Spiritually. Published
Monthly in octavo form, at $200 a year in
advance,"or 26 cents a number. New volumes
January and July.
Inclose amount in a registered letter or by
P. 0. order for one or for all ol the above, anil
address S.
Broadway,
R. WELLS
New York.
Sc CO., Publishers,
Agents wanted.
7:j7
RUPTURE
CURES!
From a Merchant.
Davton, W. T. Feb. 10, 1879.
W. J. Some, Proprietor California Elastic
Truss Co., 720 Market street, San Francisco Dear
Sir: The Truss I purchased of you one year ago
bai proved a miracle to me. 1 have been raptur
ed forty years, and wore dozens of different kinds
of Trasses, all of which ruined my health, as
they were very injurious to my back and spine.
Your valuable Truss is as easy as an old shoe and
is worth hundredsof dollars to me, as it affords
me so much pleasure. I can and do advise all,
both ladies and gentlemen, afflicted, to buy and
wear your modern improved Elastic Truss imme
diately. I never expect to be cured, but am sat
isfied and happy with the comfort it gives me to
wear it. It was the best $10 I ever invested in
my life. You can refer any one to me, and I will
be happy to answer any letters on its merits. I
remain, yours, respectfully.
D. D. Bcsn'ell.
Latest Medical Endorsements.
Martiskz, Cel., Feb. 17, 1879.
W. J. Some, Proprietor California Elastic
Truss Co., 72(1 Market street, S. F. Dear Sir:
In regard to your Cal. Elastic Truss, I would say
that I have carefully studied its mechanism, ap
plied it in practice, and I do not hesitate to say
that for all purposes for which Trusses are worn
it is the b st Truss ever offered to the public.
Yours truly. J. H. Cabothkbs, M. D.
Endorsed by a Prominent Medical I nti
tute.
San Fbaxcisco, March fi, 1879.
W. J. Some. Esq. Dear Sir . You ask my
opinion of the relative merits of your Patent
Elastic Truss, as compared with other kinds that
have been tested under my observation, and in
reply I frankly state, tbat from the time my at
tention was first called to their simple, though
highly mechanical and philosophical construction,
together with easv adjustibiiity to persons of all
ages, forms and sfzes. I add this further testi
monial with special pleasure, that the several
persons who have applied to me for aid in their
cases of rupture, and whom I have advised to try
yours all acknowledge their entire satisfaction,
and consider themselves highly favored by the
possession of vour improved Elastic Trass.
Youis ttuly, Bablow J. Smith, M. D.
Proprietor of the Hygienic Medical Institute,
635 California street, San Francisco.
A Remarkable Cure.
San Fbaxcisco, Oct. 26, 1879.
W. J. Some, Proprietor California Elastic
Truss, 720 Market street, San Francisco Dear
Sir: I am truly grateful to you for the wonder
ful CURE your valuable Truss has effected on my
little boy The double Truss I purchased from
you has PERFECTLY CURED him of his pain
ful rupture on both sides in a little over six
mnnth The Steel Truss he had before I bought
yours caused him cruel torture, and it was a hap
dv day for us all when he laid it aside for the
CALIFORNIA ELASTIC TRUSS. I am sure
that all will be thankful who aie providentially
led to give your Trass a trial. You may refer
anv one to me on the subject. Yours truly,
J nr.. Ti.,.. . aoa Co,,..,,.,,..,., Cf
This is to certify that I have examined the son
of Wm. Peru, and una nun rmxamfixux
CURED of Hernia, on both sides.
Ll. 11UTEB UVfirail, l . It.
Surgeon and Physician.
Trusses forwarded to all parts of the United
States at our expense, on receipt of price.
end
Stamp tor lllnsi rated Catalogue
and Price 1,1st.
Giving full information and rules for measuring
California p88
720 Market Sfrett, h F.
F. H. BURH M,
HOUSE PA.HNTIIVO,
GRAINING AND PAPER HANGING.
ALL WORK IN MY LIKE rKUMiTL X
attended to on reasonable terms. "Paper
hanirinsr a soecialty. Orders may be left at
Graham, Hamilton and Co.'s drug store, or S. G
McFadden s carpenter shop.
... . i , . atrr 1 me
corvauis, Apm i, mm. iin