Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The state rights democrat. (Albany, Or.) 1865-1900 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 16, 1870)
STATE RIGHTS DEMOCRAT. PUBLISHED KVBBT FBIDAT, T MART. V. BROWN. OFFICE IN PARRISH'SIBLOK. FIRST STREET, TERMS, is abtascb: 0neyear,$3; Six Months t On.Month,50ets.i Single Copies. 12, eta. C jrrespondeute writing over assumed signatures aaonyia.usly, must nown ', .-.v. vAtr or no attention will be given tathe Editor, or no attention their communication BUSINESS CARDS, . G. F. SETTLEMIER, Druggist and Apothecary ! BEALER IX DRUOS. MEDICINES. OILS. Paints, Window UlaM. PyestufTs, Llu.uors. fancy Soups, Brushes, Perfumeries, Ae. rrsrription Carefully Compoundrd. ,. "Att art clea nd Drugs in our liao wananted or the bfcet quality. First street. Post Offiee building. A'b"?- jull5v5ii43 I .V.S.DUK01S, COXSTAXTLY ON HAND AND RECEIV Ia m Ui-sro stook of Groceries and l'rovi Wood aed Willow Ware, Tobacco. Cigars, Cenfectionery. Tankee Notions, etc.. etc. Wholesale and Retail. Opposite R- C. Hill A Son's Drug Store. Al bany. Oregon. juut0va43yl D. B. RICE, M. D., rnYsiciiX ax d scboeox, ALBANY. OREGON. cgs-OfGoe: On South side of Main street. Reaideuoe : On Second street, opposite Perec's Ferry. .prtSvinSitf. . II. CRASOR, ATTOMEr 1XD COUNSELLOR iT LAW, OrriCB In Norcross' Brick Building, up-suirs. Albany, Oregon. aut JOHN J. WH1TXEY, ATTOMET ASD C0C5SELL0R AT iAVT and Notary Public. Special attentions given to collections. OrriCB In the Court House. Albany, Oregon. T.tn.ir.tf. J. H ANNON, ATTORNEY AND CGUXSEICR AT LAW. ALBANY. OREGON. OSee stairs orer Brenner's store, opposite the PostOfficeX vlnivl j. c. POWELL "- . POIVEI-S. & FL.IXX, ATTORXEYS AXD COlfiXSELLORS AT LA W ASD SOLICITORS IX VHASVER Y, (i. Flinn, Notary Public.) A LB ANY, Oregon. Collections and eonvey necS promptly attended to. ocl'tfnlUly IIIITABIDEL. A. CO., D BALERS IN GROCERIES AND PRO I sioas. Wood and Willow Ware, Cotilcction- ery, Tobacco. Cigar. Pipes. Nou..s. e.e. ciorc ... ...i;..:-.n r tl? kibn.- mce. At tn JaUlC ww, O . . CHAIRS AND TURNING! ALL SIZES OF RAW-HIDE BOTTOMED CHAIRS! of the best quality, well-EuUlieJ, can be bad at METZLER'S SHOP! Also, all kinds of TURNING done to order. Timber for Hubs on hand and fixed for turning paling. 3TMetiler's Chairs are kept on band by E. Ifeoaic A Co., llarrisburg. fe25vin28yl. J. M. METZLER IS. J. C. MEND EN mL, XOTA11Y PUI3I.IC, ALBANY, OREGON. Legal InstrnmenU of all kinds made and attested: Conveyances and Collections promptly attended to. v5n4ltf ALBANY BATH HOUSE! THE UNDERSIGNED WOULD RESPECT . fully inform the citizens of Albany and vi aioity that he has taken charge of this Establish ment, and, by keeping elean rooms and. paying strict attention to business, expecUt to suit all ibose who may favor him w.th their patronage. Having heretofore carried on nothing but First-Class Hair Dressing Saloons, be expeets to give entire satisfaction to all My-Cbildien and Ladies' Hair neatly cut and ahainpeoed. JO-SEPH WEBBER. apr4v3n.1-;tf FRO MAN BUILDING ! WHEAT AND FLAX-SEED DEPOT! leaning and Elevating Capacity 10,(1 Bushels per Day! 150,000 Bushels Wheat Wanted in Store! 30,000 Sacks for those wbo wish to sell or store with us. Jfax-8ed Contractors of Pioneer Oil Co. will call on us for sacks. v5eSlyl. E. CARTWRIGHT. COSMOPOLITAN HOTEL, (rORMEULT ABRICOM'g,) PORTLAND, - - OREGON. THE UNDERSIGNED RESPECTFULLY announce that having purchased this widely known aud well kept hotel, they are now prepared to offer superior accommodation to the traveling publio at Greatly Reduced Prices. This Hotel is located ne est the Steamboat landing. The Hotel Coach will be in attendance to convey passengers to and from tbe House free of ckarge. May 22 '69 n40tf J. B. SPRENSER. PLANING MILL! NEW FIRM! i "1 LI CARTER HAVING PURCHASED THE ir -JEj entire interest of J. B. Comley in the Plan ing Mill known as "Comley inggg" Mill, in the city of Albany, the business will be continued mt the same place, by . DRIGGS & CARTER, who hope, by strict attention to business, and - honorable dealings with their customers, to merit s share of publie patronage. Persons wanting anything in our line are invi - ted to call and see as at our place of business, where they will always find gome one to attend to their wants at short notice. , DOORS, SASH, MOULOISGS, fcc Always on Hand. . Call and see as. DRIGGS & CARTER . ' . jul22v5n49tf VOL. VI. OUR AGENTS. The following named gentlemen are authorised o act as Agents for Tits Htat Kiobts Dkmo bat, and to receive nd receipt for subscriptions to the paper t LINN COUNTY. Daniel Oaby and James Dorris Pclo Lulanou W. S. Elkins and Jason Wneolor. aim tiBst'u v uwiuu a.!!"!!!"!!!!"!"."!"!" i b rill ) II. L. Brown, J M. Morgan. rownsvillo. It. J. C. Arcri Sam. May and B. H. Holt .. Itarrisburg MULTNOMAH COUNTY. Portland U. W. Cannon. LANE COUNTY. Hon. J. 3. Walton.- Eugene City BENTON COUNTY. R. S. Strahun Corvnllin W. J. Kobertion Corvallis I'OLK COUNTY. T. J. Lovcla.lT Dullas J. 11. V. ButWr M.nmouth Dr. J. M. McCoy La Creole CLACKAMAS COUNTY. J. R. Ralston Oregon City MULTNOMAH COUNTY. G. W. Cannon j. Portland MAUION COUNTY N. M. Bell.... B. F. Buhm ' Salem L. F. Eiwnhart Silvcrton llanlcy Waterman - ,Jeflcrou DOUGLAS COUNTY. T. B. Kent Roseburj;. Thm. noyrr, Newspaper Aeent. Fan Franciwo, is authoriird to rvcei'e subscripiinnn and advertisement for our pvr, and act as bui ess fce cnerally. THE NEY ENGLAND MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE C0MPNT OF IJCSTOX. The Olslest Purely Mutnal Life Insurance Co. m tne United States. ircconroKATED, 1835. Dividend of 'his Company are paid ANNUALLY to the AuMind. in CASH. It was cb.rteredii lS.i. and its rnriablo hitory, dnnnj Twrnty-Six Yar active oH-ralion has thon uglily ertablialied its reliability. It Keeortl Stands bm Follonist Ca-h A wets. Januarv. 170 .-$!). fH'n.imo 00 Cash Dividvod ufjlifi 6I3.IHW 0U C.h Diridod of l!f.7 SIG.iTrt 5i 'ah l)itr;t.uiuns of !0S 7,-'.ly7 li fa,h Dtvidvnd of lSfi'J - 4-0.Xti till T..tal Surplus divided 4.00ll.mi) Oil Tutal L.cs r-aid 4.-2iio.0ii0 eo J!y tU Act tf 51 ' iimmrwrtuim-itu, inrrpornlmt int'i th U'tiicrnt Stutulrm . I Mil. 'I "'-Jf !' .mramrt f..r lie hrmrfit -fa ilAUUlt.U OMA. tut axy I'KHsux ok rt.i:so.s srr:i i- FIEh. 'Jrm fo titem imlrjtrndrmtty uf the f)rhtm ON LiuliiUlirt vf lie t, Jyn-Au rj'-rlm tie I'oliey. Tiic New Kiigland is the op!y Maachuet: Ciui'aiiy doing bujit)r!is n tbe l'acific t'ua-l. atid tin-ref'r ho ..nlv t'onnaii nuvrtm-l by the iUitaiie tziassaccsciis bafse mw. EXAMPLE SHOV.'IN I THE 'WORKINGS Cr THIS LAW Plan Ordinary Life. FOIl EXAMPLE: A r-arty iiurln nt the ae uf liiiriy live, Premiums all CmA. One Annual Premium will cnrinue policy in ftirve 2 years am! '' days. Exahi-i.e: I'rtmium all Ca.iltjfi, 35; 1'ian, Ten-Year Kiuiowinent, i:iv:il.le n the ae id' 45. One Annual Premium will continue policy in force a a Term Poli cy, yearn. If rou wih to make it abi!ute!y certain that not a dollar yen invent will ever bo lorfi iu J la eare im lie Xtir Ewjtntul. If you wib t', K'.-t your dividend with tbe fec und uunuul puyiucut, and nnnuaiiy iucrcasing o tbe contribution plan, tbiit ix to usT jtr m bat l toi n mure jIp so l.r.ns. and jut when it is due iumttre im tic Xeic tlfjlntd. NO STOCKHOLDERS K Tills COHPAMY. Its business in Linn county in tbe last year and a half exceeds that of all other companies com bined. EVERSON A MtDDLEMISS. GcnctB! Ac,-ut, San Franei.co, Cal. S. n. HOZ.DREDGS, I "2 Frut-st.. Portland, Ag't for Orgeon and Washington Ter. JA3IKS KLHIXS, Aj'l, Albixv, Oiikuo.v. nnl2vn.02ro3 UMATILLA HOUSE! DALLE3 CITY OREGON. IIADLKY &. SIXXOTT, Krop'r. nrVIIS WELL KNOWN FIRST-CLASS HOUPI J having been recently repaired and renovated throughout, offers superior accommodations and gives better sutixfaution to the Traveling 1'ublic ttian any Hotel in Dalles City. It is tbe only First-Class Hotel in the City, and really tbe only Hotel tbo traveling Community patronize. Suits cf Booms for Families, and Superior Accommodations for 300 Guests '. This Hotel is located near tbe Steamboat Landing and Kailroaa Depot. THE HOTEL OMNIBUS Will always be at tiic Railroad Depot and Steamboat Landing on the arrival of Paioicneers to convey them nd their hagcage to and from the Hotel free of charge. rPartieular attention paid to calling guests in the morning for the boat and cars ; and extra attention paid to seeing fam ilies on on the cars anil oosu. sy-Tbey have two largo FIRE-PROOF SAFES in tbe ofiice, for the use of their guests. zr-y-Hotel open ait nignt in cttarire or a care ful Watchman. In connection with the Hotel they have a fine .Billiard Saloon and Heading Room ! March 11, 1870-vinSOtf. STORE AT LEBANON! A. . CO WA X & CO., Irox's. S. B. CLAUGHTON, Ajcnt. Fresh Stock Just Received! DBT GOODS! GROCERIES ! CLOTHING, HATS AND CAPSI Boots and Shoes I GLASS AND QUEENSWARE t , Iron, Hardware, Ac. ., ' Which mill all ht Disputed of at Albany Pricet PRODUCE TAKEN FOR GOODS ! . se25v5n6tf. ' A. COWAN A CO. ALBANY, OREGON, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1870. UNCLE JONAS. ' Engdgctl to a common enrponter," Haul Mm. Tracy Chcvoncl. "I do think you are crazy, Lottie I" " Why, mamma," Haiti Lottie, with fluhed cheeka and dowucant InshcH, " I lore him !" Adelaide Chevcnel, a regal fttylo of brunette, with dark, languid cycH, looked shocked. Ilebocca, her young er eiHtcr, who was fairer, with eytB and hair of the fashionable red-gold shade, tittered a little exclamation of dismay. " Chnrlotto," said Adelaide, with dignity, " I am RHhivmcd of you 1" " Charlotte," added ltebt'eea, "one would never dream that you were a Chevenel 1" " With expectations In tho future, and lineage in the pattM" eiuphatically added Mrs. Chevenel. " But, mamma," chirped poor little Lottie, " I can't help Um past, and I've nothing to do with the future; oitd a.i for the present, Hugh is earn ing a thounaud dollarn a year, and there i.s a nice second floor wo can have to keep house in aud " Mrs. Chevanel wink back on tho bo fa with such a stony countenance of horror, that Lottio checked herself in dismay. ' Mamma ! what's tho matter ?" " Don't let me hear another word ; not a lisp! " cried tho'august dame. " A Chevenel to keep houso on a second Hour, with a thousand dollurs a year ! aud aud with your expecta tions!" " I don't believe Undo Jonas means to leave us a cent," said Lottie. "You don't?" grimly demanded Mrs. Chevenel. " No, mamma, I don't." " Hero is a missive from him ; re ceived, only -this morning," she said very majestically a missive which contains uu invitation for three irirls to make him a visit. Does that mean nothing, I should liko to know ?" "I suppose" said matter-of-fact Lot tie, ' it means ho wants to seo us; but as he has never l?fore shown any aux iety on the subject " " It means that he wants to make you his heiress," interrupted Mrs. Chevenel impatie nly. " You must go at once, and produce tho best impres sion that is possible." ' Mamma, I would rather remain at home," stoutly persisted Lottie. " I don't want money; Hugh Wakely can tarn enough for us both!" AY hat you would prefer is of no consequence," said h-r mother sharp ly. " You will of course accompany your sifters." And Ijottie Chevenel dared remon strate no further. Mr. Jonas Piper, was sitting smok ing a lo..g meerschaum on the U-rraceil (tout of his prtttv country place, when the depot omnibus tletiosited three young ladies in front of him one tall, dark and dignified ; the sec ond affable, smiling and blonde ; while the third our little Lottie looked like a frightened white dove in company with two gorgeous maw- caw s ! " Oh,' said Undo Jonas, laying meerschaum, "so you are aside the uv nieces ! " Yes, dear uncle," said Adelaide softlv.' " Yes, uncle darling," taid Beckie, gushingly. hile Lfjttte said nothing, but se cretly thought within htrself what a funny, old-fashioned man uncle Jonas was. Mr. Piper rang the bell for his housekeeper, and saw the young la dies no more until they met ut the dinner table. " Well girls," said he, " and how do you like Piper's Villa V" " Oh, uncle, lLs lovely! cried Ade laide. " It's like a poet's dream, uncle," added liecca. " And what do you think, young lady V" demanded uncle Jonas, eyeing Lottie. " I suppose its very nice," said Lot tie, slowly, " but but I would rather be at home. " You would, eh?" said uncle Jonas. "Some more soup, Mrs. Keefe. I in vented this soup, girls. "What do you tLinkofitV" " Oh, its delicious," said Adelaide, strangling in the effort to swallow a second spoonful. ' It reminds mo of turtle soup, said llebecca, feeling as if her throat was skinied. " I think it tastes just like melted fire," said truthful Lottie. " I believe it must be made out of red pepper and Y orcestershire sauce. Uncle Jonas smiled , grimly but or dered in the second course, of boiled salmon and lobster sauce. Alter dinner He ligntea His pipe again. " You don't object to smoke girls, I hope ?" " I dote on it," said Beckie " I always did like it, of all things," said Adelaide " I supt ose you don't like it, Miss bauceboxl said Uncle Jonas " No," said Lottie, "I don't." And she. remembered how Hugh, her first authority, told her how ungentleman ly it was to smoke in the presence of ladies. " Don't you?" said Uncle Piper, a little discomfitted, "Then perhaps you will go into the green parlor or the library?" "If you will excuse me, Uncle," said Lottie, taking him at his word, and walking demurely off. " Uncle, pray excuse her," said Ad elaide ; " she .is only -" "You are eoughing," said Mr. Piper as his niece paused, unable, to subdue a woful bronch al irritation ; " I hope it isn't .the, smoke ?" 4x " Oh, no," said Adelaido ; " only a little cold I caught on tho way." But she wus yet very palo when llebecca rose up, very pale, and left tho room suddenly. , " Your sister dou't uccm well," said Undo Jonas; "perhaps sho doesn't like smoke." ."Sho woud never dream of object ing to a wish of yours, dear Undo," said Adelaido fervently. ' "Humph!'' was Mr. Piper's only comment. " Tho disagrooablo old fudge ! thought Addie, vindictively. They were sitting at tho breakfast table the next morning, when tho servant brought in a petition for char ity. " It is a poor one-armed man, sir," said Mike, " who" " Tell him Ut go about his business, I've nothing for him," said Undo Jonas brusquely. And then, looking around on his nieces, ho added : " It will never do to encourage this pro miscuous begging." " Certainly not," said llebecca. " I never give to a beggar in tho streets," said Adelaide, complacently. " Hallo 1 where have you been?" asked Undo Jonas, as Lottie, who had slipped out an instant, returned with rose-tinted cheeks and gliftering eyes. " I ran out to give a little money to tho one-armed beggar," said Lottie, valiantly. " Oh, uncle, if you could have heard how earnestly he thanked me!" " Do you mean that I was wrong not to give him something !" irately ask el Mr. Piper. " 1 did not intend to criticise your behavior, untie, but since you ask me" " Well, since I do ask you, what then?" be persisted. " Then 1 must say that I think it is 3'our duty to give to the iwor a little something from your ovt-r-abuudauce. 1 think avarice isworso than jioverty." " Lottio !" reproved Adelaide. " Let her talk," said Uuciu Jonas, T 1 a 1 1 in gum sue despises luouey ho much ; she won't want any of mine. " I don't want your luouey, uncle. said Ijottie linnlv. " I am young and strong, and I can work for myself. " Humph !" grunted uncle Jonas. " But 1 should like to have vou love mo a little," said Lottie " because you were poor pupa's own uncle." " So you take to criticising and contradicting me, -h '!" "But uncle, I must speak truth." Adelaide and Bebeeca took their ptsir little sinter most vehemently to tak, lis soon as they were alone. " You ure sailing all our postiects." said the elder. " But, Addie, he asked me." " What thi n '!" intcrfjosed Kc-ljccra; " couldti t you hate equivocated just a little? I don't believe in these extra tender consciences." And Lottie felt as if she was an out cast. "Girl," said uncle Jonas, tho next week, " pack up your trunks. 1 am going to take you home to-morrow. Pidt r's Villa is to le shut up, and I shall spend the winter in the south of France." "Just as you please, dear uncle," said the two eldest neices, and Jottie thought of seeing Hugh once more, with a great bound of her heart's pulses. " Why, undo Jonas," said Mrs. Chevenel, when her three girls were gone tip stairs after tea, and sho sat on tho side of tho fire with Mr. Piper lacing lier, how do you liko jny daughters i How do I like 'em 1" repeated uncle Jonas, slowly. les; you know a mother i natu rally anxious." To be sure," said undo Jonas, nodding his head. " Well, I've de cided to make ono of them my heir ess. Mrs. Chevencl's keen, grav eyes sparkled. " How ind oi you s how genorous, dear uncle Jonas ! ' sho cried. " But my Adelaido is most worthy of uncle's love." ' It isn't. Adelaide," said uncle Jonas, drily. Isot Adelaido ? But Rebecca has often written in her letters, 'Mamma, undo Jonas is like a father to mo " Very kind of Rebecca," said uncle Jonas, energetically taking snuff, "but it iHii t Rebecca, either. Lottie s tho girl I like." Mrs. Chevenel started. ' ' " Yes," said he " tho name men tioned in my will is Charlotte Cheve nel. I fancy tho girl, she's a spicy independent little thing, and I believe that she loves me better than either of the others, in spite of their soft voices and coaling ways. I'm no fool, nioce Chevenel, and I used lo have a knack at reading and translating different characters that hasn't quite deserted me yet. " I tell you, Lottie's my heiress, you' may like it or not." Mrs. Chevenel murmured some faint word of acknowledgement, but uncle Jonas could, see that she was sorely disappointed. " uut i can t help it, thought un cle Jonas. " The two mealy-mouthed girls may take care of themselves, but 1 11 look after the future of Lottie and her carpenter," And the investments of self-sacrifice and amiability the two eider Misses Chevenel have made, went for noth ing- A retired schoolmaster excuses his pas hod for angling by Baying tlud, from constant habit, he never feds quite him self unless he is handling the rod. . An Illinois man prudently committed suicide when he found it would cost him $100 to cure the liver complaint. ' Jk AAA. LISTENING ANGELS. I'.lun agnlnst the bluer heavens Stood the mountain calm and still) Two while angels, betiding earthward, Leant upon the bill. LUt-tidig leant those silent angels, And I, also, longed to bear What sweet strain of earthly musio Thus could charm their ear. I heard the ctnng of many trumpets, And a wurlike march draw nigh fci'leiniily a mighty army Passed In order by. llut the clang bad ceaed ( the echo Soon bad laded from the hill; While the angeN, calm and earnest. Leant and ilsUiued still. Then I beard a fainlA- clamor I Forge and wheel were claxhitig Hoar, And tliu reapers In the meadow Kli ging loud aud clear. When Hie sunset mine n glory, And the toll of day was o'er. Still the angels leant in slleuce, Listening as before. Then as daytifht slowly vanished. And the evening shades grew dim, Solemnly, from distant voices. Hose a vesper hyinu. Rut the chant was done; and, lingering, 1'led upon the evtuiug air; liut from tbe bill the radiant angels HUH were listening there. Silent crime the gathering darkness, llritiging with it sleep and rest; Save a little bird was kinging In ber leafy Mest. Through the sounds of war and labor She bad warblod all day bng. While the angels leant and lUlened , Only lo her song. Rut the starry night was coming. And she eesel her littio Isy ; Fr uit tbe mountain top the angels Slowly passed away. .M l II It TU MIX. I arrived in New York a few days ago, and instinctively took rooms at tho Astor House. To bo sure, I had no money to pay for them ; btt why think of pay if we are only good? I have always made it a rule to have the best of everything, even if I am obliged to get trusted for it. This sterling maxim was instilled into my mind by a kind father ; and w ho shall say that gray haired old man is not proud of his orphan boy? But the times aro so hard now that I find it very difficult to make loth ends meet and lay up money liesides. I hod not bee n nt the Astor more than one day, when tho clerk brought me my bill. "Is it customary," said I, "to pay by the day !" "It is with men of your stamp !" he replied. "What kind of a stamp do you take mo fur .' said 1. " You look liko a two-cent stamp," he replied, "mighty thin. If anybody should wet it once, vou'd stick like thunder. But we dqn't propose to try it. ion either pay this bill, or get out ! Have you any money?" "iiy estimable voung moua, A re- Idied, " you have probably heard of )r. Ben. Franklin, long since deceased. That e minent physician was at one time in tho prove rb business, and did a good thing. He said, among other things, that 'time is money.' Now, I havu't got any money, but as regards time, I am in afiluent circumstances, aud if you will receipt that bill, I will give you a check for as much tirao as you think equivalent, and throw you in n couple of hours for your trouble." He mado no reply, but from the fact of a porter's coming up immedi ately thereafter, removing my trunk to the sidewalk, and hustling me out after it, I inferred that I wasn't con sidered a financial success. "Say, Mister," said a small boy with a very long coat, and cap with considerable visor, "don't tear your self away." "Oh, j-ou let him alone," said an other, "his mother sent for him." Oh, world thou art cruel ! I immediately called a hackman, and told him to take me to a cheap but re spectablo hotel. "And the cheaper it is, the more respectable I shall con sider it," I added. Ho drove me to the Excelsior House and I told him I was under a great obligation to him, and if at any time I could do h.m a favor, I should feel grieved if he didn't speak to me about it, for my proud spirit spurns an obli gation. "If you don t fork over that fifty cents, said he, " there 11 be a funeral in your iamiiy, ana it won t oe your wife, nor none of your children 1 ' But I m busted. If meeting houses were selling for two cents I couldn't buy tho handle of a contribu tion box." He swore at me awfully, and said he would have it out of my trunk so he bursted it open. But the contents of that trunk are far from valuable, for I carry it filled with saw-dust. It looks just as re spectable, and in an emergency of this kind is valuable. I will not say this hackman looked daggers at me. He looked a whole arsenal, with a back room full of extra bayonets ; and as he mounted his box and drove away the air was fully blue with oaths. He got off 6tring after string without making a single mistake, and he must have had the devil s die tionary at his tongue's end. It fairly curdled my blood to hear him swear such awful, swears. I never had my blood curdled before, so I put some in a bottle to look at. I afterwards heard that this hack man was always very wicked, and would not go to Sunday School when he was a little boy; but when his mother put on his cap with a tassal on it, and gave him a cent to put m the contribution box, he would go off with other bad boys and. pitch pennies. Is it any wonder that he is a great hor rid thing and uses oaths when he swears ? NO. 5. WOMEN IX CXL'BN. In America, tho Society known as the Sorosis have established Clubs from which men are rigorously exclud ed as women aro from men's Clubs. and wo have not yet heard of mixed soxes in tho Clubs of America : but tho rpuestion of admitting women to membership in tho Clubs of London is now being agitated, and finds many advocates. Somo of the reasons urg ed in favor of tho admission of women to tho Clubs of London are not very flattering, however, to the fair sex. ror instance, country members of town Clubs, who have not town estab lishments, say that when they come to town with their fumilies, while the males of the family seek the Club, the females, in default of having any com fortable place at which to while away the time, go shopping, and enormous dry goods bills are tho consequence and they desire lo have the ladies ad mitted to tho Clubs to avoid tho temp tation of tho shops. Others urge the admission of females for tbe same rea son that our Woman's Rights advO' cates favor admitting them to the polls, contending that tho Clubs, like the polls, havo become corrupt, and woman's presence will elevate and re fine thern. The crusty old bachelors aro of course in arms against the pro posed innovation, and they grow fran tic at the sound of the rustle of dimi ty and deprecate female intrusion into tho Clubs with as much horror as a so ciety of nuns would display if their cloisters were invaded by a band of (ireek brigands. Tho old fogies con strue this new phase of progress as an attack; upon tho Untish Constitution. and swear they will have none of it. This onslaught of the ladies ujon the Clubs is carrying tho war of Woman's Bights into Africa. Clubs are curser ies of badielorbood, and bachelors are tho recluses of Clubs. Male celibates take refuge from female society in Clubs, and occupy their time in smok ing, drinking, talking business or pol- uies, piaying oiuiarus ana chess and .1- , , siag ruuixirs ai wuisi. now the wo men will reform Club manners when they are admitted to membership 1 Many an old bachelor will bo convert ed into a Benedict, and the attach ments of tho Club will be transfened to the attachments of tho fireside. Lxaminrr. hiiAlK Women aro seldom satibfied With the form nature has given them, and are continually experimenting with a view to improve it. If too fat sho re norts to a free u.e of ocids. If too lean . 1. I - ft f 11 tm a sue paua. . certain iunness oi bnst is deemed iodufpcD.ab)e, and to accomplish tins vunous contrivances ore resorted to llaw cotton has the advantage of keeping ii place, but i open to tbe objection of being too hot for midsummer use. Pads of curled hair are popular, the cases be ing made variously, but always with tlx outer sido fuller than the inner. Some times the eases are handsomly trimmed, but it is generally brides that indulge ini this freak. Some wire inventions look like a bent and twisted flour sifter, minus the frame, but they arc not nomilar on account of their liability to be pushed out of place by an inadvertent movement. slicking out in a curve which is anvthin? but the line of beauty. An ingenious in vention is a pad, made with a spring in the center, designed to yield on slight press ure. These contrivances are designed for tho bewilderment of a lady's partner in a waltz, but, thoudi artfully contriv ed, it is not apprehended that they arc competent to deceive the very elect. Tho entire shape in the bustle region is given by skeleton wires in muslin ca ses, tnousti a very common practice is to uso newspaper. "What's the news in your Gazette f" is frequently asked when young girls are assembled. "Jimmy, my boy, take these eggs to the store, and if you can't get a quarter for them, bring tbem back. Tho bov went as directed and came back, saying: "Father, it takes me to make a trade. They all wanted them at forty cents. but I screwed them down to twenty-five. "I've been a member of this church nigh unto forty years." said m pinched up libel of Christianity "and it hasn't cost mo five cents." "God bless your poor stingy withered up soul," said a fervent brother in the corner. A Sunday School teacher, deploring the lack of attendance oa his ministra tions, to the fow present : ."What can I do to get the boys and girls here?" "I know," said one of the little ur chins. "What is it?" "Give em all five cents apiece." ' A rural correspondent asks us td cx plain what a sinking fund is. Any sum of publio money which falls into the hands of the present administration is sinking fund. . O'Neil has no '-stamps," and the re suit is that Grant is -opposed to pardon ing him. reman warriors should pro vide themselves plentifully with the "Stamps." . The Louisville Courier-Journal says: "John A. Logan is the squirt of the American congress." Is not that rather individous toward the other Squirts in that body? f No matter how much you desire to fiaht, never begin on a mule or a cross eved man. 'Their looks dou't advertise clearlyenough where they are going to hit Does Grant refuse to pardon O'Neil because he fears to offend an arrogant na tion that crippled us during our war, and which has bullied us ever since; RATES 6y ADVERTISING j tbabs Obw Column, $100 ; Half Column, $60 ) Quarter Col Column, $36. ' . , Transient Advertisement! per Square t ten ihes or less of tbli sized type, first Insertioa, i each subseonent insertion, $1. A square Is one inch in space down tbe column," counting cuts, display lines, blanks, Ac., as solid matter. No advertisement to be considered leaf than b square, and all fractions counted s fall ... . . . At I square. Alt aarenisemenis rasertea jot a less period than three month to be regarded as tran sient. . VARIETIES. A casus belli green apple. A chop dinner Minced Teal. Popular diet in Utah spare rib A regular old salt Salt petef. Tho raw material Understood ifeafc. How to make a clean sweepWash- him. Chicago on "White Stockings" darri em. How to become a contractor Sit on ice. The grandest verse in existence The universe. The wool clip of Iowa is about all id the market. Some trees are very overbearing in their disposition. ' Panch says that a silk dress should never be sat-in. Notable places for the weak Barroom on Saturday night. Carious: The seasons not only alter nate, bat altcr-nater. Waves that are harmless The waves of ladies' hankerchieis. Singular : It generally requires a round .urn to make things square. If a man is given to liquor, see tn liquor ts not given to him. Fifteen thousand bachelors in Kansas have "ncne to caress. Detroit from her partial census returns1; estimates a population of 84,000. , PaMn an omni-bus appropiation bil kissing all tbe women at a wedding. The Cincinnati Enquirer thinks that "as a failure Grant is a success. Wedlock is the only lock that can nev er be picked with safety; A machine at Ruthland,. t., can cut 1,200,009 slate pencils a day. In a fleer L'ia colored school the head toy is aged 9 and the tail boy 40. They say the ground is the only felia ble bank ; but it is broken evrey day. Why are ships called "She?" Because' they always keep a man on the look out; The school census just completed makes the population Of Chicago 306, 005. A good kick out of doors, to some, is better than all the rich uncles in the' world. What is generally called fast riving is really nothing but dying as quickly as possible. Some one very atrociously says that the Germans are at lager-heads with the French. v During peae, a regiment is quartered; during waJffne, it is occasionally cat to pieces. . Great singers are often in debt They getinto tho way of running up high scorcs A candidate for Congress in Arkansas originally went there as '-bones in a min strel show. "Setting a man trap," is the title given to a picture of a pretty young lady ar ranging ber hair. Richmond, Virginia, expects the cen sus will show that it has fitty.five thous-- and population. This is the last rose of summer," ex med a wag, as he arose from bed on the 31st of August. Tbe ladies fan themselves into, a pers piration, and directly wonder how it cad be so very warm. The office-holders at Long Branch have been taxed to pay Mr. Grant's ex penses at that resort. The latest wedding card is made at tractive by the following cheerf ul mscrip: tion: "Free whiskey." What is the use of a sheriff "pressing" an unfortunate creditor when he is already thoroughly "flattened out! The New York Times truly says that the blunders of Congress "are scarely di tioguishable from crimes." Isaac in Abraham's hands was Said td be like a piece of auction goods, because' he was offered at a sacrifice. Kansas announces that it has tid room for a million or so of Chinese to gd intd the silk manufacturing busines. It is to be hoped the Radicals mead nothing disrespectful when they claim td have a 'tight hand" on the government. St. Louis hardly thought the seat of government would be transferred to Long Branch, before going to the Mississippi; A guest at a hotel in Leavenworth Kansas, ate over a dozen ears of greed corn at one meal the day before his fun- era:. There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow s Sister. , "There are thirty . thousand . gods id the Chinese religion." And not ' one of1 them, as Beecher would say, is worth a d . Miss Edine Howard's idea of temper ance is that one had better get drank at once on '-straight whiskey" than td waste aJIMav in doinsr it on beer. a a - , . - A lady who Was not a Skakaspearian scholar, hearing the "Merry Wives of Windsor" highly praised, inquired hovt many wives Mr. Windsor had. ' The temperance men of Michigan hav ing nominated a candidate for secretary of state, tho radicals want to make Chan-" dler srovernbr. so as to balance the scales. Ladies at Saratoga say that if you rub the outside rim of the ear iwith , a little cologne or spirits of amonia, you will keep delightfully cool on the warmest day. ' Sir Francis Crosley an English million aire, has given 200.000 to certain public charities with the singular provision that it shall be perpetually invested in United States securities. - i r