STATE RIGHTS DEMOCRAT.
PUBLISHED KVBBT FBIDAT, T
MART. V. BROWN.
OFFICE IN PARRISH'SIBLOK. FIRST STREET,
TERMS, is abtascb: 0neyear,$3; Six Months
t On.Month,50ets.i Single Copies. 12, eta.
C jrrespondeute writing over assumed signatures
aaonyia.usly, must nown ',
.-.v. vAtr or no attention will be given
tathe Editor, or no attention
their communication
BUSINESS CARDS,
. G. F. SETTLEMIER,
Druggist and Apothecary !
BEALER IX DRUOS. MEDICINES. OILS.
Paints, Window UlaM. PyestufTs, Llu.uors.
fancy Soups, Brushes, Perfumeries, Ae.
rrsrription Carefully Compoundrd.
,. "Att art clea nd Drugs in our liao wananted or
the bfcet quality.
First street. Post Offiee building. A'b"?-
jull5v5ii43 I
.V.S.DUK01S,
COXSTAXTLY ON HAND AND RECEIV
Ia m Ui-sro stook of Groceries and l'rovi
Wood aed Willow Ware, Tobacco. Cigars,
Cenfectionery. Tankee Notions, etc.. etc.
Wholesale and Retail.
Opposite R- C. Hill A Son's Drug Store. Al
bany. Oregon. juut0va43yl
D. B. RICE, M. D.,
rnYsiciiX ax d scboeox,
ALBANY. OREGON.
cgs-OfGoe: On South side of Main street.
Reaideuoe : On Second street, opposite Perec's
Ferry. .prtSvinSitf.
. II. CRASOR,
ATTOMEr 1XD COUNSELLOR iT LAW,
OrriCB In Norcross' Brick Building, up-suirs.
Albany, Oregon.
aut
JOHN J. WH1TXEY,
ATTOMET ASD C0C5SELL0R AT iAVT
and Notary Public.
Special attentions given to collections.
OrriCB In the Court House.
Albany, Oregon.
T.tn.ir.tf.
J. H ANNON,
ATTORNEY AND CGUXSEICR AT LAW.
ALBANY. OREGON.
OSee stairs orer Brenner's store, opposite
the PostOfficeX
vlnivl
j. c. POWELL "-
. POIVEI-S. & FL.IXX,
ATTORXEYS AXD COlfiXSELLORS AT
LA W ASD SOLICITORS IX VHASVER Y,
(i. Flinn, Notary Public.)
A LB ANY, Oregon. Collections and eonvey
necS promptly attended to. ocl'tfnlUly
IIIITABIDEL. A. CO.,
D
BALERS IN GROCERIES AND PRO I
sioas. Wood and Willow Ware, Cotilcction-
ery, Tobacco. Cigar. Pipes. Nou..s. e.e. ciorc
... ...i;..:-.n r tl? kibn.- mce. At
tn JaUlC ww, O . .
CHAIRS AND TURNING!
ALL SIZES OF
RAW-HIDE BOTTOMED CHAIRS!
of the best quality, well-EuUlieJ, can be bad at
METZLER'S SHOP!
Also, all kinds of TURNING done to order.
Timber for Hubs on hand and fixed for turning
paling.
3TMetiler's Chairs are kept on band by E.
Ifeoaic A Co., llarrisburg.
fe25vin28yl. J. M. METZLER
IS.
J. C. MEND EN mL,
XOTA11Y PUI3I.IC,
ALBANY, OREGON.
Legal InstrnmenU of all kinds made and attested:
Conveyances and Collections promptly
attended to.
v5n4ltf
ALBANY BATH HOUSE!
THE UNDERSIGNED WOULD RESPECT
. fully inform the citizens of Albany and vi
aioity that he has taken charge of this Establish
ment, and, by keeping elean rooms and. paying
strict attention to business, expecUt to suit all ibose
who may favor him w.th their patronage. Having
heretofore carried on nothing but
First-Class Hair Dressing Saloons,
be expeets to give entire satisfaction to all
My-Cbildien and Ladies' Hair neatly cut and
ahainpeoed. JO-SEPH WEBBER.
apr4v3n.1-;tf
FRO MAN BUILDING !
WHEAT AND FLAX-SEED DEPOT!
leaning
and Elevating Capacity 10,(1
Bushels per Day!
150,000 Bushels Wheat Wanted in Store!
30,000 Sacks for those wbo wish to sell or
store with us.
Jfax-8ed Contractors of Pioneer Oil Co. will call
on us for sacks.
v5eSlyl. E. CARTWRIGHT.
COSMOPOLITAN HOTEL,
(rORMEULT ABRICOM'g,)
PORTLAND, - - OREGON.
THE UNDERSIGNED RESPECTFULLY
announce that having purchased this widely
known aud well kept hotel, they are now prepared
to offer superior accommodation to the traveling
publio at
Greatly Reduced Prices.
This Hotel is located ne est the Steamboat
landing.
The Hotel Coach will be in attendance to
convey passengers to and from tbe House free of
ckarge.
May 22 '69 n40tf J. B. SPRENSER.
PLANING MILL!
NEW FIRM!
i "1 LI CARTER HAVING PURCHASED THE
ir -JEj entire interest of J. B. Comley in the Plan
ing Mill known as "Comley inggg" Mill, in
the city of Albany, the business will be continued
mt the same place, by .
DRIGGS & CARTER,
who hope, by strict attention to business, and
- honorable dealings with their customers, to merit
s share of publie patronage.
Persons wanting anything in our line are invi
- ted to call and see as at our place of business,
where they will always find gome one to attend to
their wants at short notice.
, DOORS, SASH, MOULOISGS, fcc
Always on Hand. .
Call and see as. DRIGGS & CARTER
. ' . jul22v5n49tf
VOL. VI.
OUR AGENTS.
The following named gentlemen are authorised
o act as Agents for Tits Htat Kiobts Dkmo
bat, and to receive nd receipt for subscriptions
to the paper t
LINN COUNTY.
Daniel Oaby and James Dorris
Pclo
Lulanou
W. S. Elkins and Jason Wneolor.
aim tiBst'u v uwiuu
a.!!"!!!"!!!!"!"."!"!" i b
rill )
II. L. Brown,
J M. Morgan.
rownsvillo.
It. J. C. Arcri
Sam. May and B. H. Holt .. Itarrisburg
MULTNOMAH COUNTY.
Portland U. W. Cannon.
LANE COUNTY.
Hon. J. 3. Walton.- Eugene City
BENTON COUNTY.
R. S. Strahun Corvnllin
W. J. Kobertion Corvallis
I'OLK COUNTY.
T. J. Lovcla.lT Dullas
J. 11. V. ButWr M.nmouth
Dr. J. M. McCoy La Creole
CLACKAMAS COUNTY.
J. R. Ralston Oregon City
MULTNOMAH COUNTY.
G. W. Cannon j. Portland
MAUION COUNTY
N. M. Bell....
B. F. Buhm
' Salem
L. F. Eiwnhart Silvcrton
llanlcy Waterman - ,Jeflcrou
DOUGLAS COUNTY.
T. B. Kent Roseburj;.
Thm. noyrr, Newspaper Aeent. Fan
Franciwo, is authoriird to rvcei'e subscripiinnn
and advertisement for our pvr, and act as bui
ess fce cnerally.
THE NEY ENGLAND
MUTUAL
LIFE INSURANCE C0MPNT
OF IJCSTOX.
The Olslest Purely Mutnal Life Insurance Co.
m tne United States.
ircconroKATED,
1835.
Dividend of 'his Company are paid ANNUALLY
to the AuMind. in CASH.
It was cb.rteredii lS.i. and its rnriablo hitory,
dnnnj Twrnty-Six Yar active oH-ralion has
thon uglily ertablialied its reliability.
It Keeortl Stands bm Follonist
Ca-h A wets. Januarv. 170 .-$!). fH'n.imo 00
Cash Dividvod ufjlifi 6I3.IHW 0U
C.h Diridod of l!f.7 SIG.iTrt 5i
'ah l)itr;t.uiuns of !0S 7,-'.ly7 li
fa,h Dtvidvnd of lSfi'J - 4-0.Xti till
T..tal Surplus divided 4.00ll.mi) Oil
Tutal L.cs r-aid 4.-2iio.0ii0 eo
J!y tU Act tf 51 ' iimmrwrtuim-itu, inrrpornlmt int'i
th U'tiicrnt Stutulrm . I Mil. 'I "'-Jf !'
.mramrt f..r lie hrmrfit -fa ilAUUlt.U OMA.
tut axy I'KHsux ok rt.i:so.s srr:i i-
FIEh. 'Jrm fo titem imlrjtrndrmtty uf the f)rhtm ON
LiuliiUlirt vf lie t, Jyn-Au rj'-rlm tie I'oliey.
Tiic New Kiigland is the op!y Maachuet:
Ciui'aiiy doing bujit)r!is n tbe l'acific t'ua-l. atid
tin-ref'r ho ..nlv t'onnaii nuvrtm-l by the
iUitaiie tziassaccsciis bafse mw.
EXAMPLE SHOV.'IN I THE 'WORKINGS Cr THIS LAW
Plan Ordinary Life.
FOIl EXAMPLE: A r-arty iiurln nt the
ae uf liiiriy live, Premiums all CmA.
One Annual Premium will cnrinue policy
in ftirve 2 years am! '' days.
Exahi-i.e: I'rtmium all Ca.iltjfi, 35;
1'ian, Ten-Year Kiuiowinent, i:iv:il.le n
the ae id' 45. One Annual Premium will
continue policy in force a a Term Poli
cy, yearn.
If rou wih to make it abi!ute!y certain that
not a dollar yen invent will ever bo lorfi iu J la
eare im lie Xtir Ewjtntul.
If you wib t', K'.-t your dividend with tbe fec
und uunuul puyiucut, and nnnuaiiy iucrcasing o
tbe contribution plan, tbiit ix to usT jtr m bat
l toi n mure jIp so l.r.ns. and jut when
it is due iumttre im tic Xeic tlfjlntd.
NO STOCKHOLDERS K Tills COHPAMY.
Its business in Linn county in tbe last year and
a half exceeds that of all other companies com
bined. EVERSON A MtDDLEMISS.
GcnctB! Ac,-ut,
San Franei.co, Cal.
S. n. HOZ.DREDGS,
I "2 Frut-st.. Portland,
Ag't for Orgeon and Washington Ter.
JA3IKS KLHIXS, Aj'l,
Albixv, Oiikuo.v.
nnl2vn.02ro3
UMATILLA HOUSE!
DALLE3 CITY OREGON.
IIADLKY &. SIXXOTT, Krop'r.
nrVIIS WELL KNOWN FIRST-CLASS HOUPI
J having been recently repaired and renovated
throughout, offers superior accommodations and
gives better sutixfaution to the Traveling 1'ublic
ttian any Hotel in Dalles City. It is tbe only
First-Class Hotel in the City, and really tbe only
Hotel tbo traveling Community patronize.
Suits cf Booms for Families, and Superior
Accommodations for 300 Guests '.
This Hotel is located near tbe Steamboat Landing
and Kailroaa Depot.
THE HOTEL OMNIBUS
Will always be at tiic Railroad Depot and
Steamboat Landing on the arrival of Paioicneers
to convey them nd their hagcage to and from
the Hotel free of charge. rPartieular attention
paid to calling guests in the morning for the boat
and cars ; and extra attention paid to seeing fam
ilies on on the cars anil oosu.
sy-Tbey have two largo FIRE-PROOF
SAFES in tbe ofiice, for the use of their guests.
zr-y-Hotel open ait nignt in cttarire or a care
ful Watchman. In connection with the Hotel
they have a fine
.Billiard Saloon and Heading Room !
March 11, 1870-vinSOtf.
STORE AT LEBANON!
A. . CO WA X & CO., Irox's.
S. B. CLAUGHTON, Ajcnt.
Fresh Stock Just Received!
DBT GOODS!
GROCERIES !
CLOTHING, HATS AND CAPSI
Boots and Shoes I
GLASS AND QUEENSWARE t
, Iron, Hardware, Ac. ., '
Which mill all ht Disputed of at Albany Pricet
PRODUCE TAKEN FOR GOODS !
. se25v5n6tf. ' A. COWAN A CO.
ALBANY, OREGON, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1870.
UNCLE JONAS.
' Engdgctl to a common enrponter,"
Haul Mm. Tracy Chcvoncl. "I do
think you are crazy, Lottie I"
" Why, mamma," Haiti Lottie, with
fluhed cheeka and dowucant InshcH,
" I lore him !"
Adelaide Chevcnel, a regal fttylo of
brunette, with dark, languid cycH,
looked shocked. Ilebocca, her young
er eiHtcr, who was fairer, with eytB
and hair of the fashionable red-gold
shade, tittered a little exclamation of
dismay.
" Chnrlotto," said Adelaide, with
dignity, " I am RHhivmcd of you 1"
" Charlotte," added ltebt'eea, "one
would never dream that you were a
Chevenel 1"
" With expectations In tho future,
and lineage in the pattM" eiuphatically
added Mrs. Chevenel.
" But, mamma," chirped poor little
Lottie, " I can't help Um past, and
I've nothing to do with the future;
oitd a.i for the present, Hugh is earn
ing a thounaud dollarn a year, and
there i.s a nice second floor wo can
have to keep house in aud "
Mrs. Chevanel wink back on tho bo
fa with such a stony countenance of
horror, that Lottio checked herself in
dismay.
' Mamma ! what's tho matter ?"
" Don't let me hear another word ;
not a lisp! " cried tho'august dame.
" A Chevenel to keep houso on a
second Hour, with a thousand dollurs
a year ! aud aud with your expecta
tions!" " I don't believe Undo Jonas means
to leave us a cent," said Lottie.
"You don't?" grimly demanded
Mrs. Chevenel.
" No, mamma, I don't."
" Hero is a missive from him ; re
ceived, only -this morning," she said
very majestically a missive which
contains uu invitation for three irirls
to make him a visit. Does that mean
nothing, I should liko to know ?"
"I suppose" said matter-of-fact Lot
tie, ' it means ho wants to seo us; but
as he has never l?fore shown any aux
iety on the subject "
" It means that he wants to make
you his heiress," interrupted Mrs.
Chevenel impatie nly. " You must go
at once, and produce tho best impres
sion that is possible."
' Mamma, I would rather remain
at home," stoutly persisted Lottie.
" I don't want money; Hugh Wakely
can tarn enough for us both!"
AY hat you would prefer is of no
consequence," said h-r mother sharp
ly. " You will of course accompany
your sifters."
And Ijottie Chevenel dared remon
strate no further.
Mr. Jonas Piper, was sitting smok
ing a lo..g meerschaum on the U-rraceil
(tout of his prtttv country place,
when the depot omnibus tletiosited
three young ladies in front of him
one tall, dark and dignified ; the sec
ond affable, smiling and blonde ;
while the third our little Lottie
looked like a frightened white dove in
company with two gorgeous maw-
caw s !
" Oh,'
said Undo Jonas, laying
meerschaum, "so you are
aside the
uv nieces !
" Yes, dear uncle," said Adelaide
softlv.'
" Yes, uncle darling," taid Beckie,
gushingly.
hile Lfjttte said nothing, but se
cretly thought within htrself what a
funny, old-fashioned man uncle Jonas
was.
Mr. Piper rang the bell for his
housekeeper, and saw the young la
dies no more until they met ut the
dinner table.
" Well girls," said he, " and how
do you like Piper's Villa V"
" Oh, uncle, lLs lovely! cried Ade
laide.
" It's like a poet's dream, uncle,"
added liecca.
" And what do you think, young
lady V" demanded uncle Jonas, eyeing
Lottie.
" I suppose its very nice," said Lot
tie, slowly, " but but I would rather
be at home.
" You would, eh?" said uncle Jonas.
"Some more soup, Mrs. Keefe. I in
vented this soup, girls. "What do you
tLinkofitV"
" Oh, its delicious," said Adelaide,
strangling in the effort to swallow a
second spoonful.
' It reminds mo of turtle soup,
said llebecca, feeling as if her throat
was skinied.
" I think it tastes just like melted
fire," said truthful Lottie. " I believe
it must be made out of red pepper and
Y orcestershire sauce.
Uncle Jonas smiled , grimly but or
dered in the second course, of boiled
salmon and lobster sauce.
Alter dinner He ligntea His pipe
again.
" You don't object to smoke girls, I
hope ?"
" I dote on it," said Beckie
" I always did like it, of all things,"
said Adelaide
" I supt ose you don't like it, Miss
bauceboxl said Uncle Jonas
" No," said Lottie, "I don't." And
she. remembered how Hugh, her first
authority, told her how ungentleman
ly it was to smoke in the presence of
ladies.
" Don't you?" said Uncle Piper, a
little discomfitted, "Then perhaps
you will go into the green parlor or
the library?"
"If you will excuse me, Uncle,"
said Lottie, taking him at his word,
and walking demurely off.
" Uncle, pray excuse her," said Ad
elaide ; " she .is only -"
"You are eoughing," said Mr.
Piper as his niece paused, unable, to
subdue a woful bronch al irritation ;
" I hope it isn't .the, smoke ?"
4x
" Oh, no," said Adelaido ; " only a
little cold I caught on tho way."
But she wus yet very palo when
llebecca rose up, very pale, and left
tho room suddenly. ,
" Your sister dou't uccm well," said
Undo Jonas; "perhaps sho doesn't
like smoke."
."Sho woud never dream of object
ing to a wish of yours, dear Undo,"
said Adelaido fervently. '
"Humph!'' was Mr. Piper's only
comment.
" Tho disagrooablo old fudge !
thought Addie, vindictively.
They were sitting at tho breakfast
table the next morning, when tho
servant brought in a petition for char
ity. " It is a poor one-armed man, sir,"
said Mike, " who"
" Tell him Ut go about his business,
I've nothing for him," said Undo
Jonas brusquely. And then, looking
around on his nieces, ho added : " It
will never do to encourage this pro
miscuous begging."
" Certainly not," said llebecca.
" I never give to a beggar in tho
streets," said Adelaide, complacently.
" Hallo 1 where have you been?"
asked Undo Jonas, as Lottie, who had
slipped out an instant, returned with
rose-tinted cheeks and gliftering eyes.
" I ran out to give a little money to
tho one-armed beggar," said Lottie,
valiantly.
" Oh, uncle, if you could have heard
how earnestly he thanked me!"
" Do you mean that I was wrong
not to give him something !" irately
ask el Mr. Piper.
" 1 did not intend to criticise your
behavior, untie, but since you ask
me"
" Well, since I do ask you, what
then?" be persisted.
" Then 1 must say that I think it is
3'our duty to give to the iwor a little
something from your ovt-r-abuudauce.
1 think avarice isworso than jioverty."
" Lottio !" reproved Adelaide.
" Let her talk," said Uuciu Jonas,
T 1 a 1
1 in gum sue despises luouey ho
much ; she won't want any of mine.
" I don't want your luouey, uncle.
said Ijottie linnlv. " I am young and
strong, and I can work for myself.
" Humph !" grunted uncle Jonas.
" But 1 should like to have vou love
mo a little," said Lottie " because you
were poor pupa's own uncle."
" So you take to criticising and
contradicting me, -h '!"
"But uncle, I must speak truth."
Adelaide and Bebeeca took their
ptsir little sinter most vehemently to
tak, lis soon as they were alone.
" You ure sailing all our postiects."
said the elder.
" But, Addie, he asked me."
" What thi n '!" intcrfjosed Kc-ljccra;
" couldti t you hate equivocated just a
little? I don't believe in these extra
tender consciences."
And Lottie felt as if she was an out
cast. "Girl," said uncle Jonas, tho next
week, " pack up your trunks. 1 am
going to take you home to-morrow.
Pidt r's Villa is to le shut up, and I
shall spend the winter in the south
of France."
"Just as you please, dear uncle,"
said the two eldest neices, and Jottie
thought of seeing Hugh once more,
with a great bound of her heart's
pulses.
" Why, undo Jonas," said Mrs.
Chevenel, when her three girls were
gone tip stairs after tea, and sho sat
on tho side of tho fire with Mr. Piper
lacing lier, how do you liko jny
daughters i
How do I like 'em 1" repeated
uncle Jonas, slowly.
les; you know a mother i natu
rally anxious."
To be sure," said undo Jonas,
nodding his head. " Well, I've de
cided to make ono of them my heir
ess.
Mrs. Chevencl's keen, grav eyes
sparkled.
" How ind oi you s how genorous,
dear uncle Jonas ! ' sho cried. " But
my Adelaido is most worthy of uncle's
love."
' It isn't. Adelaide," said uncle
Jonas, drily.
Isot Adelaido ? But Rebecca has
often written in her letters, 'Mamma,
undo Jonas is like a father to mo
" Very kind of Rebecca," said uncle
Jonas, energetically taking snuff, "but
it iHii t Rebecca, either. Lottie s tho
girl I like."
Mrs. Chevenel started. ' '
" Yes," said he " tho name men
tioned in my will is Charlotte Cheve
nel. I fancy tho girl, she's a spicy
independent little thing, and I believe
that she loves me better than either of
the others, in spite of their soft voices
and coaling ways. I'm no fool, nioce
Chevenel, and I used lo have a knack
at reading and translating different
characters that hasn't quite deserted
me yet. " I tell you, Lottie's my
heiress, you' may like it or not."
Mrs. Chevenel murmured some
faint word of acknowledgement, but
uncle Jonas could, see that she was
sorely disappointed.
" uut i can t help it, thought un
cle Jonas. " The two mealy-mouthed
girls may take care of themselves, but
1 11 look after the future of Lottie and
her carpenter,"
And the investments of self-sacrifice
and amiability the two eider Misses
Chevenel have made, went for noth
ing-
A retired schoolmaster excuses his pas
hod for angling by Baying tlud, from
constant habit, he never feds quite him
self unless he is handling the rod.
. An Illinois man prudently committed
suicide when he found it would cost him
$100 to cure the liver complaint. '
Jk AAA.
LISTENING ANGELS.
I'.lun agnlnst the bluer heavens
Stood the mountain calm and still)
Two while angels, betiding earthward,
Leant upon the bill.
LUt-tidig leant those silent angels,
And I, also, longed to bear
What sweet strain of earthly musio
Thus could charm their ear.
I heard the ctnng of many trumpets,
And a wurlike march draw nigh
fci'leiniily a mighty army
Passed In order by.
llut the clang bad ceaed ( the echo
Soon bad laded from the hill;
While the angeN, calm and earnest.
Leant and ilsUiued still.
Then I beard a fainlA- clamor I
Forge and wheel were claxhitig Hoar,
And tliu reapers In the meadow
Kli ging loud aud clear.
When Hie sunset mine n glory,
And the toll of day was o'er.
Still the angels leant in slleuce,
Listening as before.
Then as daytifht slowly vanished.
And the evening shades grew dim,
Solemnly, from distant voices.
Hose a vesper hyinu.
Rut the chant was done; and, lingering,
1'led upon the evtuiug air;
liut from tbe bill the radiant angels
HUH were listening there.
Silent crime the gathering darkness,
llritiging with it sleep and rest;
Save a little bird was kinging
In ber leafy Mest.
Through the sounds of war and labor
She bad warblod all day bng.
While the angels leant and lUlened ,
Only lo her song.
Rut the starry night was coming.
And she eesel her littio Isy ;
Fr uit tbe mountain top the angels
Slowly passed away.
.M l II It TU MIX.
I arrived in New York a few days
ago, and instinctively took rooms at
tho Astor House. To bo sure, I had
no money to pay for them ; btt why
think of pay if we are only good? I
have always made it a rule to have
the best of everything, even if I am
obliged to get trusted for it. This
sterling maxim was instilled into my
mind by a kind father ; and w ho shall
say that gray haired old man is not
proud of his orphan boy?
But the times aro so hard now that
I find it very difficult to make loth
ends meet and lay up money liesides.
I hod not bee n nt the Astor more
than one day, when tho clerk brought
me my bill.
"Is it customary," said I, "to pay
by the day !"
"It is with men of your stamp !" he
replied.
"What kind of a stamp do you take
mo fur .' said 1.
" You look liko a two-cent stamp,"
he replied, "mighty thin. If anybody
should wet it once, vou'd stick like
thunder. But we dqn't propose to
try it. ion either pay this bill, or
get out ! Have you any money?"
"iiy estimable voung moua, A re-
Idied, " you have probably heard of
)r. Ben. Franklin, long since deceased.
That e minent physician was at one
time in tho prove rb business, and did
a good thing. He said, among other
things, that 'time is money.' Now, I
havu't got any money, but as regards
time, I am in afiluent circumstances,
aud if you will receipt that bill, I will
give you a check for as much tirao as
you think equivalent, and throw you
in n couple of hours for your trouble."
He mado no reply, but from the
fact of a porter's coming up immedi
ately thereafter, removing my trunk
to the sidewalk, and hustling me out
after it, I inferred that I wasn't con
sidered a financial success.
"Say, Mister," said a small boy
with a very long coat, and cap with
considerable visor, "don't tear your
self away."
"Oh, j-ou let him alone," said an
other, "his mother sent for him."
Oh, world thou art cruel !
I immediately called a hackman, and
told him to take me to a cheap but re
spectablo hotel. "And the cheaper it
is, the more respectable I shall con
sider it," I added.
Ho drove me to the Excelsior House
and I told him I was under a great
obligation to him, and if at any time
I could do h.m a favor, I should feel
grieved if he didn't speak to me about
it, for my proud spirit spurns an obli
gation.
"If you don t fork over that fifty
cents, said he, " there 11 be a funeral
in your iamiiy, ana it won t oe your
wife, nor none of your children 1
' But I m busted. If meeting
houses were selling for two cents I
couldn't buy tho handle of a contribu
tion box."
He swore at me awfully, and said he
would have it out of my trunk so he
bursted it open.
But the contents of that trunk are
far from valuable, for I carry it filled
with saw-dust. It looks just as re
spectable, and in an emergency of this
kind is valuable.
I will not say this hackman looked
daggers at me. He looked a whole
arsenal, with a back room full of extra
bayonets ; and as he mounted his box
and drove away the air was fully blue
with oaths. He got off 6tring after
string without making a single mistake,
and he must have had the devil s die
tionary at his tongue's end.
It fairly curdled my blood to hear
him swear such awful, swears. I never
had my blood curdled before, so I put
some in a bottle to look at.
I afterwards heard that this hack
man was always very wicked, and
would not go to Sunday School when
he was a little boy; but when his
mother put on his cap with a tassal on
it, and gave him a cent to put m the
contribution box, he would go off with
other bad boys and. pitch pennies. Is
it any wonder that he is a great hor
rid thing and uses oaths when he
swears ?
NO.
5.
WOMEN IX CXL'BN.
In America, tho Society known as
the Sorosis have established Clubs
from which men are rigorously exclud
ed as women aro from men's Clubs.
and wo have not yet heard of mixed
soxes in tho Clubs of America : but
tho rpuestion of admitting women to
membership in tho Clubs of London
is now being agitated, and finds many
advocates. Somo of the reasons urg
ed in favor of tho admission of women
to tho Clubs of London are not very
flattering, however, to the fair sex.
ror instance, country members of
town Clubs, who have not town estab
lishments, say that when they come to
town with their fumilies, while the
males of the family seek the Club, the
females, in default of having any com
fortable place at which to while away
the time, go shopping, and enormous
dry goods bills are tho consequence
and they desire lo have the ladies ad
mitted to tho Clubs to avoid tho temp
tation of tho shops. Others urge the
admission of females for tbe same rea
son that our Woman's Rights advO'
cates favor admitting them to the
polls, contending that tho Clubs, like
the polls, havo become corrupt, and
woman's presence will elevate and re
fine thern. The crusty old bachelors
aro of course in arms against the pro
posed innovation, and they grow fran
tic at the sound of the rustle of dimi
ty and deprecate female intrusion into
tho Clubs with as much horror as a so
ciety of nuns would display if their
cloisters were invaded by a band of
(ireek brigands. Tho old fogies con
strue this new phase of progress as an
attack; upon tho Untish Constitution.
and swear they will have none of it.
This onslaught of the ladies ujon the
Clubs is carrying tho war of Woman's
Bights into Africa. Clubs are curser
ies of badielorbood, and bachelors are
tho recluses of Clubs. Male celibates
take refuge from female society in
Clubs, and occupy their time in smok
ing, drinking, talking business or pol-
uies, piaying oiuiarus ana chess and
.1- , ,
siag ruuixirs ai wuisi. now the wo
men will reform Club manners when
they are admitted to membership 1
Many an old bachelor will bo convert
ed into a Benedict, and the attach
ments of tho Club will be transfened
to the attachments of tho fireside.
Lxaminrr.
hiiAlK Women aro seldom satibfied
With the form nature has given them,
and are continually experimenting with
a view to improve it. If too fat sho re
norts to a free u.e of ocids. If too lean
. 1. I - ft f 11 tm a
sue paua. . certain iunness oi bnst is
deemed iodufpcD.ab)e, and to accomplish
tins vunous contrivances ore resorted to
llaw cotton has the advantage of keeping
ii place, but i open to tbe objection of
being too hot for midsummer use. Pads
of curled hair are popular, the cases be
ing made variously, but always with tlx
outer sido fuller than the inner. Some
times the eases are handsomly trimmed,
but it is generally brides that indulge ini
this freak. Some wire inventions look
like a bent and twisted flour sifter, minus
the frame, but they arc not nomilar on
account of their liability to be pushed out
of place by an inadvertent movement.
slicking out in a curve which is anvthin?
but the line of beauty. An ingenious in
vention is a pad, made with a spring in
the center, designed to yield on slight press
ure. These contrivances are designed
for tho bewilderment of a lady's partner
in a waltz, but, thoudi artfully contriv
ed, it is not apprehended that they arc
competent to deceive the very elect.
Tho entire shape in the bustle region is
given by skeleton wires in muslin ca
ses, tnousti a very common practice is to
uso newspaper. "What's the news in
your Gazette f" is frequently asked when
young girls are assembled.
"Jimmy, my boy, take these eggs to
the store, and if you can't get a quarter
for them, bring tbem back.
Tho bov went as directed and came
back, saying:
"Father, it takes me to make a trade.
They all wanted them at forty cents.
but I screwed them down to twenty-five.
"I've been a member of this church
nigh unto forty years." said m pinched
up libel of Christianity "and it hasn't
cost mo five cents." "God bless your
poor stingy withered up soul," said a
fervent brother in the corner.
A Sunday School teacher, deploring
the lack of attendance oa his ministra
tions, to the fow present :
."What can I do to get the boys and
girls here?"
"I know," said one of the little ur
chins.
"What is it?"
"Give em all five cents apiece."
' A rural correspondent asks us td cx
plain what a sinking fund is. Any sum
of publio money which falls into the
hands of the present administration is
sinking fund. .
O'Neil has no '-stamps," and the re
suit is that Grant is -opposed to pardon
ing him. reman warriors should pro
vide themselves plentifully with the
"Stamps." .
The Louisville Courier-Journal says:
"John A. Logan is the squirt of the
American congress." Is not that rather
individous toward the other Squirts in
that body? f
No matter how much you desire to
fiaht, never begin on a mule or a cross
eved man. 'Their looks dou't advertise
clearlyenough where they are going to
hit
Does Grant refuse to pardon O'Neil
because he fears to offend an arrogant na
tion that crippled us during our war, and
which has bullied us ever since;
RATES 6y ADVERTISING j tbabs Obw
Column, $100 ; Half Column, $60 ) Quarter Col
Column, $36. ' . ,
Transient Advertisement! per Square t ten
ihes or less of tbli sized type, first Insertioa, i
each subseonent insertion, $1.
A square Is one inch in space down tbe column,"
counting cuts, display lines, blanks, Ac., as solid
matter. No advertisement to be considered leaf
than b square, and all fractions counted s fall
... . . . At I
square. Alt aarenisemenis rasertea jot a less
period than three month to be regarded as tran
sient. .
VARIETIES.
A casus belli green apple.
A chop dinner Minced Teal.
Popular diet in Utah spare rib
A regular old salt Salt petef.
Tho raw material Understood ifeafc.
How to make a clean sweepWash-
him.
Chicago on "White Stockings" darri
em.
How to become a contractor Sit on
ice.
The grandest verse in existence The
universe.
The wool clip of Iowa is about all id
the market.
Some trees are very overbearing in
their disposition. '
Panch says that a silk dress should
never be sat-in.
Notable places for the weak Barroom
on Saturday night.
Carious: The seasons not only alter
nate, bat altcr-nater.
Waves that are harmless The waves
of ladies' hankerchieis.
Singular : It generally requires a round
.urn to make things square.
If a man is given to liquor, see tn
liquor ts not given to him.
Fifteen thousand bachelors in Kansas
have "ncne to caress.
Detroit from her partial census returns1;
estimates a population of 84,000. ,
PaMn an omni-bus appropiation bil
kissing all tbe women at a wedding.
The Cincinnati Enquirer thinks that
"as a failure Grant is a success.
Wedlock is the only lock that can nev
er be picked with safety;
A machine at Ruthland,. t., can cut
1,200,009 slate pencils a day.
In a fleer L'ia colored school the head
toy is aged 9 and the tail boy 40.
They say the ground is the only felia
ble bank ; but it is broken evrey day.
Why are ships called "She?" Because'
they always keep a man on the look out;
The school census just completed
makes the population Of Chicago 306,
005. A good kick out of doors, to some, is
better than all the rich uncles in the'
world.
What is generally called fast riving is
really nothing but dying as quickly as
possible.
Some one very atrociously says that
the Germans are at lager-heads with the
French. v
During peae, a regiment is quartered;
during waJffne, it is occasionally cat to
pieces. .
Great singers are often in debt They
getinto tho way of running up high
scorcs
A candidate for Congress in Arkansas
originally went there as '-bones in a min
strel show.
"Setting a man trap," is the title given
to a picture of a pretty young lady ar
ranging ber hair.
Richmond, Virginia, expects the cen
sus will show that it has fitty.five thous--
and population.
This is the last rose of summer," ex
med a wag, as he arose from bed on
the 31st of August.
Tbe ladies fan themselves into, a pers
piration, and directly wonder how it cad
be so very warm.
The office-holders at Long Branch
have been taxed to pay Mr. Grant's ex
penses at that resort.
The latest wedding card is made at
tractive by the following cheerf ul mscrip:
tion: "Free whiskey."
What is the use of a sheriff "pressing"
an unfortunate creditor when he is already
thoroughly "flattened out!
The New York Times truly says that
the blunders of Congress "are scarely di
tioguishable from crimes."
Isaac in Abraham's hands was Said td
be like a piece of auction goods, because'
he was offered at a sacrifice.
Kansas announces that it has tid room
for a million or so of Chinese to gd intd
the silk manufacturing busines.
It is to be hoped the Radicals mead
nothing disrespectful when they claim td
have a 'tight hand" on the government.
St. Louis hardly thought the seat of
government would be transferred to Long
Branch, before going to the Mississippi;
A guest at a hotel in Leavenworth
Kansas, ate over a dozen ears of greed
corn at one meal the day before his fun-
era:.
There is only one good substitute for
the endearments of a sister, and that is
the endearments of some other fellow s
Sister. ,
"There are thirty . thousand . gods id
the Chinese religion." And not ' one of1
them, as Beecher would say, is worth a
d .
Miss Edine Howard's idea of temper
ance is that one had better get drank at
once on '-straight whiskey" than td waste
aJIMav in doinsr it on beer.
a a - , . -
A lady who Was not a Skakaspearian
scholar, hearing the "Merry Wives of
Windsor" highly praised, inquired hovt
many wives Mr. Windsor had. '
The temperance men of Michigan hav
ing nominated a candidate for secretary
of state, tho radicals want to make Chan-"
dler srovernbr. so as to balance the scales.
Ladies at Saratoga say that if you rub
the outside rim of the ear iwith , a little
cologne or spirits of amonia, you will
keep delightfully cool on the warmest
day. '
Sir Francis Crosley an English million
aire, has given 200.000 to certain public
charities with the singular provision that
it shall be perpetually invested in United
States securities. - i r