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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (May 28, 1875)
SPKlfelNQ 8CHOOU. ' ';'X. . AT HUWASRJL. - . . HpeJaers from the diotioesry7 jv-iirs from the new edition jcth uuUri!&ed pioiorial; -om the pages of old " Wooater," on the modern high school speller, sTwaaa a books that deal ia language, Flrone all technical oaacliunona, Tftaall absolute confnsiocMT . .Vam yen beard them spell together. m ranks like fighting aoldiera, 5"e "We by side with preacHera. FapOa aide by side xrith teecheraT aSawe you seen the mighty umpire, WtUj his open dictionmriea, "Watti hie glasses on hia optica, Aadhia ears' erect for errors? 'Sawa you seen the brave oniee falling. By Ute fault of the miscalling, Mfcard them eall the word ' insiUoo " ; Aathey would 'pronounce 44 abciaion T," Havaa you seen the ranks of heroes. Not to call them noble -martyrs, standing up and spelling " fuchsia, - A'KJ-TIWW"""'.'' --And ' oerebro meningitis,'' saw foe tide" and "aylphid," MToaghiogheny',and 'minoUi7 And a host of other pussier t . Stave) won seen the burning blushes' Dst -the cheeks of vanqufltaAl spellers T Have you noticed how the ladies Hate to look toward the tellers T - Oh, the shame of dropping is out. And the grief of putting e's in, "When the thing is just aa easy Aa eonghing or sneezing ! . ' Ofc. the red hot indignation 4n defeat, so near to glory ! Oh. the blasted English language. With its always Mpgg story ; , the prizes that we dont get When we could have spelled each word (Kxet-pt the one we didnt spell) Of all that we had heard t ' . Jiichmond Independent. PETEK RAYMONDS SOS. Tweraty years ago Peter. Raymond owned a hard, stony farm eighteen miles from Hartford. One September evening "out 9 o clock, as lie returned home from a neighbor's, lie suddenly recolleet- a was ne aaa leit ins bridle hanging on , - bai-post by his sheep barn when he rraea his old wivfe mare m the pastr. teat afternoon. He sprang over thewall -and "track across lute, hoping to secure ; V , xniMio jsuy gieeuj-mswea DOTine ehould make it forever useless for bridle gwrrpoaes. As he drew near the barn he tthonght he heard voices inside. What "Any one should be there for he could not conjecture. He stepped as, lightly as he ouM on the unmoved rowen and slipped in behind the big door, which was stand- .mg ajar, and listened. Philip, his eldest son, was there, and Taunton .Dexter, a son of the man at whose house he had been to call. The Javda were about of an age both nearly "fifteen. Philip was talking when his f ath er went np to the barn, but he finished -what he was saying just, as Mr. Raymond got into position to catch the words, and :yoring Dexter commenced to reply. He aid: : "Well, Phil, my father is just as in onfdderate as your father is. I don't tbink he remembers he ever was a boy. "There is scarcely a day in the year that Tie does not ride out lie rides more'n he sed to before he was selectman, and -joo may be : sure tiuf he always has "warathing on hand to be done, just as yonr father lea. Soon as the frost is -ont of the ground in the spring, he tells -ana before he rides off that I may pick rap ts&rmrm or spread manure til it is time to milk and fodder; a little later in the -aeasoa be tells me to hoe corn or pota toes, or weed the garden till it is time to -get up the cows; and if he is at home --when I take the pans to go out and milk, he always tells me t be sure and strip the -w dean, just as though he thought I should be lazy and dishonest enough to leave half the milk in their bags if he did not tell me so; and he would be just as .likely to tell me that before a dozen visit-oa-s as any makes a fellow feel mighty wnoomfortable, jpon know. In winter I; liave to chop wood most of the time that lam not at school and I don't think nay father ever feels quite satisfied if I oon i cnep quite as much, and hoe as imnch, and plow as much as a full-grown man could do in the same time. I did . . not know -till the other day how it was van von, fnu. x don't wonder that . jw" jMaeiw its worn out; ana jl assure yr" that I am quite as tired of living in this way as you are.' s - "I hesitated a good while, Clint," Phil replied, " before I decided to speak to yaa aboat it ; but I made up my mind in .issying time that it was the last summer 'that I should stay at home and help hay it and fare as I did then. . Father is always ready to find fault he generally Mays when he gets home, I don't think you've hurt yourself working to-day, Philip 1 And sometimes he asks me if siuy back doesn't aehe, I've chopped so KOBXadhaM' hoed so much ; and no matter' i if 1 work as hard as I can from sunrise SI snndewn, I never heard anything .more encouraging never get one word trf Tcaoae. I feel s rry to clear out on 'niothcr's account. I love her, for I be lieve aae loves me ; but if father loves me he never shows it never speaks a "tender or loving word to me. My mind as lA2yma.de up, Clint. I am going to ran away ; and I want to get off to-night. Never mind about your clothes I've got ahxrte and stockings and handkerchiefs xeBough put up, and I'll divide with you till we ctta earn more. : Iiast week I -honght it oVer, and I thought it would. -groove motner so x pretty mucn decided to give it up ; but I got soprovoked the . lay that father went to Hartford I de termined I would go anyway. You see, new I've lived ever since I was born, within eighteen miles of Hartford, but Aevor was there, nor in any other city. I aked father if I might go with himl last -June, when he was going, and he said . that I couldn't go very well then, but I -ahcwall go with him the first time that he -went after haying. Well, when he spoke of gong. last week, I asked him if he was going to take me - along, and he , -amawered pretty crabbedly, 'No, sir; pretty time for you to think of going, -when the hired man is gone I' I told him . -that T wnnld cat. - - j wius nuu uu use dMH-ea, and that you would be as faith ful in doing them as I would be ; but he -woaldn't hear a word about it., I didn't feel light hearted after he was gone, but I tried to brave it out the best I could ; Assd I worked hard all day. That after jkkhs was a dark, cloudy afternoon ; and X got np the cows atd milked them litHe, earlier than I supposed that X did ; but I don't think the sun -was five minutes high , when I got the rfwrea done. .1 took he newspaper and eat dawn in the door, so as to be on hand to fake care of the horse when father aae; and I hadn't tcaal a quarter of a tmumtsn, wnen ne arove np. wen, as ina as I live and breathe after his -promising me that I should go to Hart jord with him the first time that he went -allar haying and then breaking his word, .leaving sae to feel disappointed and to work EardaH day, the first thing he said fc tub when he drove up 'was 'What .AK you sitting there a reading; for? why aren't you doing your chores f Jt isiSisd, I tsll yon, but . I: replied : as -calefy as X could that the chores were all tkmet, and he said i ' Oh, oh, that is it, is 1 f Ton do the chores the middle of the mSmz&amt when I am gone, and then sit &xwn said read, do you V It was so con 1 2wal3d cutting, if he had stuck a knife zae he wouldn't have hurt me any snpBEsa. X vowed then that X would s?e Hartford on my birthday, and I shall be mucn miatftiten u l am not there to-mor row mormng; and if my father sees me again for one year hell see more'n I think he wilL I will be here at the barn at just midnight. My bundle of clothes is here now in the oat bin. Don't fail to be on time, Glint. We must get. to Hartford by sunrise. I want to iret a little glimpse of the city before the steamboat goes out. I don't know what tne tare is to New York. I doubt if we have money enough to take us there. If we haven't we can stop at some of the landing places on the way." . . What a variety of feelings Peter Ray- mnnl llftil ITl 4-.b.A rlffkAVl minntaa It A aKArl . I I p VWM in iimvco mww Dehind the barn door and listened. At first he was so utterly surprised he could hardly believe his own ears; but as he took it all in as he comprehended what his son contemplated doing, he was in high djadgeoa; he unconsciously closed his teeth very firmly and clenched his right fist tightly. He could hardly re frain from pouncing upon his son then and there and giving him a sound drub bing, but he decided that it would be wise to hear the boys' talk ont, and learn all their plans, and then confront them. But as Phlip talked on, Raymond's teeth were less firmly closed, and when Philip said in a half sad tone, " I doubt if my father loves me at all," a dozen differ ent feelings strove for the mastery. "Don't love him?" he repeated to himself, "the ungrateful rascal ! Haven't I been scrubbing along savingly as pos sible, and privately putting little sums into the savings bank so that I could send him away in a year or two, and give him a better chance for an education than I ever had f Haven't I of ten said to my friends that he was one of the most faithful, trusty boys in the world, and that I could leave home at any time, day or night, and never worry about things as long as he was there to take care? If he does doubt my love, up to tbis time I have loved him and have been proud of him. , I haven't been very demonstrative about it, to be sure. I never thought it wise to pet and praise children. Perhaps I have been a little too unsocial and straight laced with him. Maybe I'd better not let them know that I ve heard this talk about their running away; but I shall, of course, do something to prevent then going. IH go up to the house and think over what course to take." And Peter Raymond crept away from the barn as though he were a sneak-thief, and then hurried home as fast as he could, not once thinking of his bridle. He had hardly got seated in his usual place in the big arm-chair before Philip came in. Philip expected his father would say, gruffly: "It is high time that you were in bed," And so he was taken by surprise when his father said, gently: "Won't you hand me the almanac before you sit down, Philip ?" Philip's mother raised her eyes from her sewing, and glanced at her husband as though she wondered what had called forth such unusual gentleness. Ray mond opened the almanac at September, and, after glancing down the page, he turned to his wife and asked: "Is to day the third or fourth Tuesday of the month!" "The fourth," she replied. "To morrow is the last day of the month." "Are you quite sure about it?" he queried. "If you are correct, I am a week behindhand in my reckoning. I've had so many things crowded upon me lately, I've hardly known which way to turn first. I promised Mr. Skidmore that I would take that two-year-old hjifer away that I bought of him before the first of October. She must be got home to-morrow." Philip got up to go to becL 1 Eavrtinml said: -, . "Don't hurry, Philip; I'm thinking how to get that heifer home. I believe I will take you down there early in the morning, and leave you to drive her up. It is nine miles there, but you can come back leisurely and feed alongside the road. You'd like it as well as to stay at home and work, wouldn't you Philip ?" "Yes, sir." Philip replied in an absent-minded way. He was in a quandary. Perhaps he had better stay at home a little longer and see if things didn't seem more agreeable to him. Maybe he had judged his father a little too harshly Clinton Dexter could come to the barn at midnight to meet him, and - Philip was arrested in his cogitations by his father saying: ' " I have so many cares, so many things to think of, that I can hardly keep track ef my children's ages. I believe, Philip, your birthday comes the thirtieth of Sep tember, doesn't it ?" , "Yes, sir." "And so you will be fifteen years old to-morrow. Well, well, it does beat all how time flies. Fifteen years I It doesn't seem more than half that time since you were a baby, Let me see. I believe I promised to let you go to Hart ford this fall, didn't I f We shall be half way there when we get to Skid m ore's, and, seeing to-morrow is your birthday, perhaps we had better keep on. I don't know as we have any better time to leave. We can take an early start have breakfast at half -past five, and get off by six,, and by nine, if we have good luck, we shall be there. We can stay there till three o'clock in the afternoon, and you wouldn't be late home. It will be good light to-morrow evening there is a good moon now. Well, you may as well go to bed and get all the sleep you can. I shall call you at four o'clock. Philip started the second time to go, but just as he got his hand on the latch his father said: " Wait a minute, Philip. If you hatd some one to keep you company from Skidmore's and help you to drive the heifer, I wouldn't mind staying till nearly sight before we left the city. Perhaps Clinton Dexter would be willing to walk up from there with yon and help drive her, if he could go with ns to Hartford and spend the day. If you think. that he would, and you would like to have him go, vou may run over to Mr. Dexter'a .And tell him that if it is convenient for him to spare Clinton I would like to have him go to Hartford with ns to-morrow, and walk home from Skidmore's with you in the evening. ; And be sure and tell Clinton, if h& father consents to his going, that we will call for him as early as six o'clock," . Philip said : "Yes, sir," and took up his hat and went into the hall ; but be fore he got to the outside door his father called out : :; ' , "One thing more, Philip.' I left my bridle, hanging on a bar-post down by the sheep barn this afternoon. If you'll come back across lots and bring it up, it'll save going for it in the morning. I intended getting it myself when I came home from Mr. Dexter'a, but it slipped my mind," " Lucky thing it did," Philip said to himself as he stepped out of the door, " If he had come round that way home I guess he wouldn't be in quite so gentle a mood to-night. He would have given jine Hail Columbia ' right and left ; aud tjunt would nave tared worse tnan 1, for when his father's back is up he's as savage as a tiger. Strange what has come over fattier to-night I ; I noticed that mother was surprised to see hjpn so much more social and gentle than common." . (. ; On his way over to Mr. Dexter's, Philip had"aa great a variety of feelings and as great a conflict with them as his father had while standing behind the barn door ; but before he got there the summing up was that he was an ungrate ful scamp, and that his father was all right ; only he had so many cares and anxieties that it sometimes made him a little stern and crabbed. Mr. Dexter was always ready to oblige his neighbor Raymond, and he cheer fully gave his consent to Clinton's going Clinton did not knw what to make of this sudden turn of affairs. As he went with Philip to the door, he whis pered : "What's up, Phil? what has hap pened ? has your father found out any thing!" J " Not a thing not a thing," Philip hurriedlv w1uhtmiWI hnAir .j K suppose, Clint, he'd be taking us to Hartford, to-morrow, if he had. It's all right, but it's the strangest thing that ever happened 111 teU you all about it to-morrow-r-can't stay long enough now." -., f " Mr. Raymond took up a newspaper and bowed his head over it as soon as his son started for Mr. Dexter's; but if his wife had observed him closely she would have seen that he did but very little reading, and that there was a troubled expression on his countenance. He did not raise his eyes from the paper when he heard returning footsteps, but he list ened very intently, and he knew that Philip stole softly and hurriedly to the back end of the hall and opened the chamber door before he came over to the sitting room. A look of relief came into his face and he straightened up as if a great burden had been lifted from him. He had no doubt but that the bundle of clothing had been brought up from the oat-bin and left on the chamber stairs till Philip should go to bed. That is what he hoped his boy would do when he asked him to come around by the barn and get the halter. He had no further fear that he would attempt to give him the slip that night. Mr. Raymond and Philip rode up to Mr. Dexter's door for Clinton, the next morning, just as the sun was peeping over the hills.' It was as delightful a September morning as they could desire. As soon as they were on the road, Mr. Raymond said: " Now, boys, you must keep your eyes open see all there is to be seen, and get all the enjoyment out of going that you can. We don't have holidays very often, and we must make the most of them. Philip and I have worked pretty hard lately, .and I guess, Clinton, that you have. I believe a play-day wfll dons all good. I made up my mind this morning, to leave all my care3 and busi ness behind me for once; so you need have no fears if you talk to each other all you please, and ask me as many ques tions as you wish, that it will disturb me at alL" ' . i Mr. Raymond spared no pains to have the boys enjoy their first trip to Hart ford. He called their attention to every thing that he thought would interest them on the way. He told them who owned such and such a farm when he was hoy what the land was worth an acre then, and what was its market value now ; who built this house and that ; and he pointed out where General- was born, and where Hon. lived till he went to college. He was no less painstaking when they got to the city. He took them past Trinity College, the State House, the High School ; he pointed out the different churches, and told them who preached in them ; he went with them to the Athenaeum and spent an hour with them there. Sometimes Philip looked at his father in dumb bewilderment and wondered if they were really in Hartford or if it were all a dream., How social and interesting his father was ! He felt as if he never was acquainted with him before. What a delightful time he . would have had if he had ; not been planing to do so mean a thing. If his father knew it, how he would despise him ; he looked at him so earnestly, sometimes he was afraid that he saw guilt tinge his countenance. If he could only get up the courage he would confess the whole to his father and implore his forgiveness. Thus the day wore away, and Philip was not sorry when it was time to start for home. After Mr. Raymond left the lads to follow on with thn talked over the event of the past twenty- xxtut. uuura wgetner, and tuey were both very decidedly of the opinion that they had had a very narrow and providential escape from committing a very disgrace ful act ; and they , both agreed,Tafter a little discussion m that. would never divulge to a human being mej mm ever dreamed of running away. It was about half -past nine when Philip drove the heifer into his father's barn yard. After he had his supper his father asked him to step out to the shed and get the package that was under the wagon seatt When he brought it Mr. Raymond opened it and took from it "Webster's Unabridged Dictionary," , and sat down to hia desk and wrote on a fly leaf " Presented to Philip C Raymond, on his fifteenth birthday, by his affectionate father, Peter Raymond." And then, without closing the book, he passed it to Philip. ; .. Philip could bear no mdre. t The tears that had come to his eyes twenty times during the day, and as many times had been forced back, now overflowed his eyelids and ran down his cheeks. He stammered : '''J, v -1 ' - 4 j"You are too kind to me, father. I do not deserve this."" f " Don't deserve it, Philip I" exclaimed Mr. Raymond, with much apparent sur prise. " I think you'd "better .leave that to my judgment, i iBhorddHke to know what boy does deserve kindness from his father, if you don't 1 If I had a dozen sons I could ' not ask them to be more faithful and industrious than, you have been. There, there ! don't i shed any tears over it you're tired better go to bed as soon as you can, so as to feel fresh in the morning. If it's a good day to morrow we must secure that rowen." Thank you, father, "Philip said, with a quivering voice, and went immediately np stairs. If he had been a little less overcome himself he would have noticed that his father's voice was slightly shaky, and if he had looked back as he passed out of the door he would have seen his father brush a tear or two from his own eyes. - ' - - - .;nSv Henceforth there was no lack of con fidence, sympathy and affection between Mr. Raymond and Philip ; and by reason of a private interview that Mr. Raymond had with Clinton Dexter's father, Clin ton s home life was much more agreeable than heretofore. - 'i ; . -Philip has always looked back to his fifteenth birthday as a remarkable epoch in his life ; and he never ceased until his aged father recently visited him and heard him speak rather harshly to his own little son to marvel this wonderful change that came over his father, him self, or both, at that time: ?' Then his father took him aside and told him the whole 'story, and cautioned him against growing into the habit of speaking that way to his children. "Always remember, Philip," he said, "that crustiness and harshness are no more agreeable to a child's feelings than they are to a grown person's ; and that they are more likely to . lead any one out of the right path than into it ; and that they never will forget love." Cariosities ol Wooing. In olden times it was the fashion for a suitor to go down on his knees to a lady when he asked her to become his wife, which, with very stout gentlemen, was an uncomfortable proceeding. The way in which Daniel Webster proposed to Miss Fletcher was more modern, being at the same time neat and poetic Like many other lovers, he was caught hold ing a skein of thread or wool which the lady had been unravelling. ".Grace," said he, "we have been untying knots. Let us see if we cannot tie one which will not untie in a lifetime." With a rieee of tape he fashioned half a true over's kno$; Miss Fletcher perfected it, and a kiss put the seal to the symbolical bargain. Most men when they " pop" by writing are more straightforward and matter-of-fact Richard Steele wrote to the lady of his heart: "Dear Mrs. Scurlock (there were no misses in those days), I am tired of calling you by that name, therefore say a day when you will take that of madam. Your devoted hum ble servant, Richard Steele." She fixed the day, accordingly, and Steeled her name instead of her heart to the suitor. The celebrated preacher, WHitefield, proposed marriage to a young lady in a very cool manner, as though Whitefleld meant a field of ice. He addressed a letter to her parents without consulting the maiden, in which he said they need not be at all afraid of offending him by a refusal, as he thanked God he was quite free from the passion called love. Of course the lady did not conclude that this field, however white, was the field for her. The well-known brothers, Jacob and William Grimm, were exceed ingly attached to each other, and had no desire to be married. But it was thought proper by their friends that ne of them should become a husband, and Jacob being the elder, it was agreed that he should be the one to enter the bonds of matrimony. A suitable lady was found, but Jacob declined to do the courting, requesting William to act a3 his agent. William consented, but soen found he was in love, and wanted the lady for himself. He could not think, however, of depriving his brother of such a treasure, and knew not how to act. An aunt kindly relieved him in his difficulty by telling Jacob, who willingly resigned the damsel to his brother, and went out of the way until she had been made Mrs. William Grimm. A Scotch beadle was the one who popped the question in the grimmest manner. He took his sweet heart into the graveyard, and, showing her a dark corner, said, " Mary, my folks lie there. Would you like to" lie there, Mary ?" Mary was a sensible lassie, and expressing her willingness to obtain the right to be buried near the beadle's relations by uniting herself to him in wedlock. A similar unromantic view of the subject was taken by another Scotch maiden. Upon her lover remarking, " I think ITl marry thee, Jean," she re plied, "Man Jock, I would be muckle obleeged to ye if ye would." Ex change. ' The Krook Nek Squash. One ov the hansumest and most grace full herbs in the whole garden when it iz yung and innosent, and one of the most awkward and painfull to admire when . it gets anshient, is the krook nek squash. They, are a dehkate rose color when they begin life, with a skin az soft and fair az a 3 button kid gluv on the hand ov a fair lady, but when they hay got thru with this life, and are Teddy to be turned cut to die, they are az yello az skotch snuff, and az full ov ugly warts az an antidilnvian toad. The krook nek ain't good for diet when it gets ripe it ain't any better than a seed cowcumber. When they get ripe yu kan hang them up in the woodhoua chamber, and they will keep thare without spilling az long az a quart bottle. They are haff full ov seeds at maturity, and will rattle like shot in a blown up bladder. They hav a nek on them az long az a goose, with a krook in it that even death kan't straighten out. To sustain life with, the krook nek stands about haff way between biled pumpkin and masht turnip, and kan be sedused into a pi that iz hard to be sassy to. . The squash is very whry nekl, but kon sidering that it is not endowed with reazon, behaves itself on all ockashuns better than man duz. I luv all the vegetables, and all the animals, and all the inanimate things better than I do the humans, bekause thare iz less frauds and ded beats aiming them. - . It iz true, if yu fool around the hornet or the red-pepper, yu may git bit, and if yu are kareless with onion juice yu may hav to smart for it, and nettles will sting if yu squeeze them, but they won't enny ov them lie in wait for yu, and follow yu all around the country, and even chase yu into a meeting house-to git a good krack at yu. ; ; The krook nek squash iz a good job and haz my ' blessing and shall hav mi sympathys enny time it will ask for them. Joah Billings. Climate Changed by Man. ' It is well known that many parts of Greece, and Palestine, and Asia Minor, whish were once luxuriant in fertility, are now barren. The change is supposed to be owing to the loss of forests, which has lessened the amount of rain, and dried up the fountains and streams. The' frequent droughts in our country are probably owing to the same cause. In Egypt a change for the better is going on, as Bayard Taylor states in his " Letters," just published. The opening of canals, like the Suez CanaL the exten sion of railroads and the r planting of trees, have produced a double change of climate. Rains have become more fre quent. Formerly, in Cairo there were only four or five rainy days a year ; now the average number is twenty-one. In the Dita there. ,,was formerly about eight; now they average forty. , This increase of rain has led to the cultivation of large areas of land formerly barren ; and the gains amount to twenty or thirty per cent., adding largely to productive wealth. Another change, not so agree able, is in temperature. ' The rains bring cooler weather, and there are many days when fires are almost a necessity, which were formerly unknown. s Thtbtt-onx years ago the venerable Eli Crozder of Delaware vowed not to buy a new hat until Mr. Clay should be elected to the Presidency ; and the tile which now surmounts his venerable brow is not lovely to look upon. , y Pxbfrct cure - f or a clergyman A cure of souls. . The Gold-Fisu Trick. Several of the mamcians who perform in public do what they call "the gold- vim., j.ne juggler stands upon the stage, throws a handkerchief over his extended arm, and produces in buo cession three or four shallow glass dishes filled to the brim with water, in which live gold-fish are swimming. Of course the dishes are concealed somehow upon the person of the performer. Peter Lamb, the young fellow who lives near me, discovered how the trick was done, and he offered to do it the other night, at Magruder's party, for the entertainment of the company. So the folks all gathered in one end of the par lor, and in a few moments Lamb entered the door at the other end. He said: " Itadies and gentlemen, you will per ceive that I have nothing about me, ex cept my ordinary clothing, and yet I shall produce presently two dishes filled with water and living fish. Please watch me narrowly." Then Peter flung the handkerchief over his hand and arm, and we could see that he was working away vigorously at something beneath it. He continued for some moments, and still the gold-fish did not appear. Then he began to grow very red in the face, and we saw that something was the matter. Then the perspiration began to stand in beads upon Peter's forehead, and Mr. Magru der asked him if he was welL Then the company laughed, and the magician grew redder. But he kept on fumbling beneath that handkerchief, and appar ently trying to reach around under his coat-tails. Then we heard something snap, and the next moment a quart of water ran down the wizard's left leg, and spread out over the carpet... By this time he looked as if the grave would be a welcome refuge. But still he contin ued to feel around under the handker chief. At last another snap was heard, and another quart of water plunged down the trouser of his right leg and formed a pool about his shoe. Then the necromancer hurriedly said that the ex periment had failed somehow, and he darted into the dining-room. I followed him, and found him sitting on the sofa, trying to remove his pantaloons. He exclaimed : "Oh gosh! .Come here, quick, and pull these off I They're soakin' wet, and I've got fifteen live gold-fish inside my drawers flippin' around, and raspin' the skin with their fins enough to set a man crazy. Ouch ! Oh, Moses ! Hurry that shoe off, and grab that fish there at my left knee, or I'll have to howl right out !" Then we undressed him and picked the fish out of his clothes, and I discov ered that he had had two dishes full of water and covered withindia-rubbertops strapped inside his trousers behind. In his struggles to get at them he had torn the covers to rags. We fixed him up in a pair of Magruder's trousers, which were six inches too short for him, and then he climbed over the back fence and went home. He says, now, that the next time he gives exhibitions in public he intends to confine himself to ventrilo quism. Max Adder, The Bean. The bean ( Vicia Faba) was cultivated at an early date iu Egypt and Palestine. Curious superstitions concerning the vegetable were held by various nations of antiquity. The Egyptian priests for bade the very sight of it, as an unclean thing; and the priests of Jupiter were not allowed to touch it, or even speak its name. It is said that the Roman family of the Fabii derived their name from the plant. Besides the ordinary use of the bean, the Romans made it into meal, which was mixed with flour, and was also esteemed by the ladies as a cos metic. The vegetable was probably introduced into Spain by the Moors, and thence into the other countries of Modern Europe. It is supposed to be a native of the shores of the Caspian sea. In Barbary, where it is largely cultivated, the seeds are full grown by the end of February, and the plants continue in bearing through the spring. The plant is very prolific. A single specimen has been known to bear 126 pods, containing 399 perfect seeds. It is said that Alexander the Great brought the kidney-bean (Phancolua vulgaris) into Europe. About i the year 1509, they found their way from the Netherlands into England. The scarlet-runner (Phaseolus multiflor tis) was carried to England from South America, its native habitat, in 1633, and was for some time cultivated for orna mental purposes before it was used for a culinary, vegetable. Contrary to the canal habit of climbers, the tendrils of the scarlet-runner turn to the right. It has been supposed that this peculiarity is accounted for by the fact that the plant originated south of the equator, where, by turning to. the right, its ten drills follow the apparent diurnal course of the sun. Beans are very nutritious, containing, when ripe, about 36 per cent, of starch and 23 per cent, of legune, a nitrogen ous substance analogous to the caseine of milk. Sew York Fashion Notes. - French heels are no longer fashion able. Waists are made long, and to look as slender as possible. White deuble-breasted waistcoats are worn with the frock coat to show above the turnover of the lapeL : ' . Waistcoats are single-breasted, with out a collar, cut long, and with four out side patch-pockets, to match the coat. PaktaiiOons are cut straight and full to the leg, with side-pockets and welt on the outside seams. There is no spring to the bottoms. . Mast toilettes this season have only one skirt, but of such heavy material and so abundantly trimmed, that it is even more expensive than a double skirt. . Nearly all dresses now have a draw- inc-Htrino' in tha hanlr tn maV. tliom m , v ......m huwiu vjuij- venient for home and street wear, and if properly adjusted, they are equally serv iceable for either. Thk spring style of coats for gentle men is of medium length, buttoned rather faicb. and rait t nnnnT hn 1. i button to display the waistcoat. There am frml Anixnjl. mini. n ..1 j , w..wj imiuu-uwfteiii, ana. me garment is always worn buttoned. A raw sensible ladies have introduced ine iasnion 01 wearing a new style of Ywwtt in ntivmw . 4.1..... rm - onv-.mj nsiitir, Aiiey are made nearly as high as the knee, with very kuiM-ujigmy prooi against rain and snow. Thaw i JTtj. order, and are quite expensive, but are yiciciBuw 10 ruDDers 01 any kind. In England, it is proposed to move street carriages by clock-work. It is said that all practical difficulties have been removed. The carriages, of course, must labor under the very slightest pos sible amount of friction that is to say, must tro on rails. C.ra nf spoken of, - but the inventors claim a power to move a car of five tons, requir- "o iwij orteu uiuiureo. and twenty pounds on the periphery of the spring barreL Sheffield springs having a force of nine hundred pounds have been made. The springs are made to be wound up at intervals by stationary steam engines. , Epidemic Among CbJldren. The other day, says a lady in an ex change, we listened to a very interesting lecture on this subject given by a mem ber of the medical nmf enaion ' an3 tsj-1r notes of portions of it for the benefit of our readers. The three epidemics spoken of were measles, scarlet fever and small-pox. In repeating what the physician stated we shall say nothing about the treatment of these diseases, leaving that to be deter mined by each reader for himself, and only mention points interesting alike to all. A child affected with measles appears to have a severe cold in the head ; its eyes are red and very sensitive to the light ; its face is swollen, and on the third day the eruption appears on the face in blotches of a crescent or horse shoe shape, which spread and cover the surface of the body. When the finger is pressed firmly on these red blotches the redness does not go away. . Scarlet fever generally begins with nausea, followed by pain in the limbs and sore throat ; the face is not swollen and the eyes are not very sensitive to the light. On the second day the rash ap pears, first on the face in small points of vivid red, which become diffused and spread over the entire body. The tongue is very white, with blood-red spots ap pearing above the furred surface. If a pencil or the finger ia pressed firmly on the skin the redness will give place for a time, leaving the skin white where the pressure was exerted, and then the scar let returns. On the fifth day the rash turns brown and the skin is very dry. This is the dangerous time, since the skin being unable to perform its func tion, the kidneys and lungs have double work to do. At this stage of the illness the foundation is often laid forBright's disease of the kidneys, and everything depAids on keeping the skin soft and moisi This can be done by oiling it f reeH with salad oil, with pure lard, with unsolved butter, or, what is most agree able ol all, with glycerine and rose water, two ptrts of the f ormer,to one of the latter. V In England the favorite treat ment is o immerse the patient in a warm bath, wlch is repeated frequently. The symptoms of small-pox are, first, a chill, then violent nausea, pain in the head, and aching in the bones. On the third day the eruption appears on the forehead and about the face in scattered pimples that feel when the finger is passed over them as though a bead or the head of a pin were imbedded in the akin. Measles requires a treatment so simple that any intelligent mother should be able to take her child safely through it. The symptoms of scarlet fever and of small-pox are so pronounced that they are not likely to be mistaken. The first thing to be done is to quarantine the patient, so as to prevent the infection from spreading. This can be success fully done by placinsr him in too room of the house, from which carpets, up holstered furniture and woolens of every description snouid ne removed. A lie furniture left should be of the simplest description, a single or three-quarter bed for the patient, a lounge for the nurse to recline upon, wooden or flagged chairs, and a table. There should be a grate in the room and a fire kindled in it. This will not only keep the room ventilated, but destroy the germs of the disease as they pass over the flame in their way out of the room. Since so much in these diseases depends on the care taken of the patient, there should be two nurses, in order that one may be on the watch while the other is resting. There is no danger of contagion until the eruption comes to the surface, so that in case of scar let fever the mother has two days to take precautions against the spread of the in fection, and in small-pox three days. When the, disease is passed the bed clothes may be disinfected by a thorough boiling, and all not treated in this way should be burned. Strange Matches. It is a historical fact that Frederick of Prussia formed the idea of compelling unions between the tallest of the two sexes in his dominions, in the hope of having an army ol giants. The reader will, in all probability, recollect the fol lowing ludicrous incident: It so hap pened that during a rather long ride the King passed a particularly tall young woman, an utter stranger. He alighted from his horse, and insisted upon her delivering a letter to the commanding officer of his crack regiment. The letter contained the mandate that the bearer was instantly to be married to the tallest unmarried man in the service. The young woman was somewhat terrified, and, not understanding the transaction, gave an old woman the letter, which was conveyed to the commanding officer, and this old woman was, in a short time mar ried to the handsomest and finest man in the crack regiment. It is not necessary to say that the marriage was an unhappy one particularly so to the old woman. In this connection comes another anec dote. - A rich saddler directed in his will that his own child, a daughter, should be deprived of the whole of his fortune unless she married a saddler. A young earl, in order to win the bride, actually served an apprenticeship of seven years to a saddler, and afterwards bound him self to the rich saddler's daughter for life. But the union was anything but a happy one; the bride, neither by birth nor breeding a lady, reflected little credit on her bridegroom's choice; and repeated quarrels were followed by separation. So it is with unequal matches ; gold and brass won't unite. Novels tell us that felicity followed the union of Lord Fitz gerald to Mary Ann Jones, quite ignor ing Mary Ann's predisposition to red knuckles and unshapely feet, which pe culiarities finally make my lord's fife burdensome. Novels are amusing, but not to be relied on in " matters of the heart," as a rule. Common sense says: "Young folk, marry within the boundary of your social and religious circle." The Hot Springs of Arkansas. , The suit for the possession of the Hot Springs of Arkansas has been decided in favor of the government. This will be good news for the people living in the straging village, paying high rents to chumante of the soil without being afforded the poor protection of even a town corporation. The lands in dispute embrace four sections, taking in the two mountains, all the hot springs and the greater portion of the valley, with the "rat hole" as the center of attraction, rhe government will probably establish large hospitals in the .valley and give long leases upon portions of the grounds the erection of hotels, residences, etc. If the government acts wisely in the matter, the springs will in a short time become the most populous watering f"w "i m world. ruzsourgn vom merdiaL . - . What holds all the snuff in the world ? No one nose. SPflCNG. The air bite ahrewdly it ia rery cold. Hamlet. Come, genUe apring! ethereal mildnoaa, come. 0 Thompson, void of rhyme aa well aa reaaoa. How conldat thou -thtia poor-human nature ham I There'e no auca aeaaoa.' . The spring . I shrink and ehudder at her name for why.-I find her breath a bitter blighter, And anffer from her blow aa if they came from Spring the fighter. TTpvlmlu. 41. la. I. t - ' " . iwra; JJWMP HUH:, And be here tuneful lauvatea and upholder! . Who do not feel aa if they had a apring Poured down their ahooldera. Let others eulogise her floral abowa; From me they cannot win a aingle atanra. I know her bloom are in full blow and ao'a The influenza. , Her oowalipa, atocka and lillee ef the nit, Her honey fcloeeome that you. hear the beea at ; Her pansy, daffodil and primrose pale, . Are things I sneeae at. - Smitten by breezes from the land of plague To me all vernal luxuries are fables ; Oh ! Where's the spring in a rheumatic leg Stiff aa a table's ! I hmp with agony, I wheeze and cough. And quake with ague, that great agitator, Nor dream before July of leaving off My respirator. In short, whatever panegyrics be : In fulsome odes too many to be cited, The tenderness of spring is all my eye. And that in blighted. Thtmuu Hood. Wit and Humor. A heavy business Importing ele phants. No meal is considered complete now-a-days without a dictionary. Wwecs a Calmuck (Tartar) has a mar- riacreable dauirhter he fKest a flair from ' the top of his house. A faded blossom .nipped in the bud is no more sorrowful than pale beauty nipped in the waist by tight lacing. Why is Gibraltar one of the most won derful places in the world ? Because it is always on the rock, but never moves. Ik Celoochistan when a girl agrees to marry a young man, and then flunks out, the mother can lawfully claim one of the maiden's ears, and the maiden can walk off on the other. Take life easy, and don't always be try ing to beat the sun up. You may wm for a while, but in the long run you are sure to be beaten, and some morning it will rise when you don't. The Maine County Commissioners have forbidden smoking, chewing and games in all the jails in the State, and the Ken nebec Journal is apprehensive that those institutions will be depopulated. Lord Morpeth used to tell of a Scotch friend, who, to the remark that some iople could not feel a jest unless it was ed at them with a cannon, replied : " WeeL but hoo can ye fire a jest out of a cannon, mon t" A XiATB issue of the New York Graphic I contained a portrait of Byron's " Maid j of Athens" as she looks now. She is, no doubt, an estimable old lady, but her ap pearance is such that no one can wonder the poet wanted his heart back. " Augustus dear," said she, tenderly pushing him from her, as the moonlight flooded the bay-window where they were standing, "I think you had better try some other hair-dye, your moustache tastes of turpentine." Babbistbb (to witness) Now, sir, what is the character of the plaintiff in this suitf Witness Her character is slight ly matrimonial. Barrister What do you mean by a slightly matrimonial charac ter ? Witness She's been married thaee times. .;.. ' Thk St. Louis Globe thinfra; the most melancholy spectacle in the world is a cold pancake. The Louisville Journal $ thinks an empty bottle, where there is no ' chance to fill it, is a melancholicker. Each editor thus reveals what is, to him, the staff of life. . MAIDKlt MAKNKJLM. " Which like you best," my friend inquires, " A maid extremely bold or shy T" " No man of sense, I think, admires A leering or a lowering eye. For me, the juste milieu I seek ; I fain would leave alone The girl who rudely alsps my cheek, Or volunteer her own 1" Pbbkrk got a little tired of returning the bow of an uncomfortably polite man in his establishment, and finally gave the polite man this conundrum at point blank range : "Sir, what would become of the hours if the minute hand stopped to bow to the second hand every timtt they met!" AtjOnzo Ladd, of St. Jtohnsbury, is comfortably off for parents, having six in all four of them, of course, by marriage and none of them less than 80 years of age. It is sad to see. an orphan boy run-' mng around the world with no one to love, none to caress, but here is A. Ladd who has paren ts and to spare. Unsettled Condition of Europe. Europe is not in a condition which promises a lasting peace. In Buseia there is widespread discontent and un certainty. The social results of the emancipation of the serfs cannot yet be predicted, and socialism is spreading rapidly among - the working classes, and the army, which is undergoing reorgan ization, is not yet in an effective oondi- . tion. In Germany the feeling that the empire rests on Bismarck's shoulders renders the public mind uneasy as to -the consequences which will follow his ' death. Austria is trying the experiment of dual government, and the success of the experiment is Trroriemn.Hrjil. TVnn. mark dreads an attack from Germany, uiu is aronDiea witn a struggle Detween the peasantry and the landholders. Tur key is nearly bankrupt. France ia with out a permanent government and bur dened by the cost of a destructive war. Anarchy rules Spain, and Belgium is torn with religious strife. Only in Italy and England is there promise of peace and prosperity. This almost universal discontent and uneasiness, coupled with the efforts of all nations to bring their armies up to the highest point of ef ficiency, foreshadows the near approach of war, and the very recognition of tha fact that war may break out any day ren ders the confidence which is the neces- . sary condition of prosperity all the more impossible. Jfew York Graphic. Rapid Printino. The Glasgow News says : 44 The change of proprietorship of the Evening Star and the issue of the paper from the office of the Glasgow News were announced by 1,025,000 little handbills, which were printed in the in credibly small space of half an hour Such a feat of rapid printing, we believe, has never been performed. The process was interesting. The small handbill, measuring three inches by two, was re produced by stereotyping to the extent of 836 times, and by 4,000 revolutions of the press the million bills were printed. It occupied ten hours to cut them up with a steam guillotine machine, and they were distributed throughout the town from the windows of two carriages." A bevolveb with which five of ita pre vious owners had committed suicide was sold at auction in Paris the other day