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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (Feb. 19, 1875)
COLL. VAN CLEyS-
A SLIGHT MISTAKE.
My brother and I are twins.' There
can be no mistake about that, for our
likeness to each other is so great that
it is positively unpleasant to our friends
and ourselves. The celebrated Corsi
can brothers were not more alike than
we are ; that is, as far a personal ap
pearance goes ; beyond that Jim and I
are utterlV dissimlar. For instance :
I am fond of trade. Jim hates it ; I
have a ereat dislike to horse-racing.
Jim dotes upon what he pleases to call
" the Tuif : " 1 avoid danger to such an
extent that I have heard some unchari
table people call mv caution cowardice ;
now, nothing pleases by brother better
than running risks; I am quiet and
peaceable to a fault, while Jim is always
up to mischief, and constantly in hot
water : in a word, two creatures more
alike in features and unlike in charac
ter never existed.
Of course this likeness causes no end
of trouble. Many and many a time
have I had to answer for - Jim's faults.
If he robbed the orchard, I was sure
to be beaten for it, although I detested
unripe fruit, and could not share in the
plunder for which I had to pav the pen
alty. r -
. For all that, we were the best of
friends, and always ready to assist each
other in any way we could,' and, in
spite of all the annoyances, -never quar
reled. ..r, '
At the age of 14 Jim and I were ap
prenticed to a butterman, who resided
in Acton. . Of course I was the mas
ter's favorite, for I stuck well to busi
ness, while Jim spent all his leisure
time with the men from the training
stables, and took more interest in mak
ing up a Deiting-DooK wan in serving
the customers. When we had served
our time I determined to start in busi
ness, and asked my brother to join me,
but he would not listen to my proposal.
"No, no, Dick," he said ; " I've
done with butter and bacon forever
that is, except for breakfast or tea. I
intend going in for horse racing. I
have already put a few pounds on the
Derby, and I am now busy making up
a boos lor Ascot.
In vain I tried to persuade him to
give up the idea ; he was determined.
and when Jim had made up his mind
nothing could make him alter it. I was
very sorry, for I looked upon Jim as
( tentirely lost ; for, in my opinion, bet
1 ting meant bankruptcy, both in cash
and honor. However, I trusted that
Jim would soon see the folly of his ways,
ana wouia De giaa to 301a me in my
. shop. I piotured to myself the happi
ness I should feel when that moment
arrived (for that my shop would fail
never entered my thoughts more than
it did that Jim would ever make a for-
tune by betting, as he has since done),
and became almost anxious for the
news that my brother had lost his
It was a proud day for me when I
first opened my shop in High street,
Whitechapel ; my bosom heaved with
delight at the sight of my first customer,
who, by the way, only bought an ounce
of butter ; but it was but the oommenc -ment
of the gigantio trade I intended to
do, and therefore I was happy. As the
day advanced, my trade increased, and
at night, - when I counted the contents
of my till, I found that I had every rea-
son to congratulate myself, and there
fore, in a luckless hour determined to
smoke a ' pipe and have a glass in the
parlor of a neighboring public house.
Accordingly I put on my hat and start
ed off, and in a few minutes I was 00m
' fortably seated in the snug parlor, puf
fing my tobacco and quaffing my ale.
The company was neither numerous
nor select, being mostly compesed of
butchers, a set of men of whom I have
rather a horror, I don't know why.
They are a highly useful, and, I have
no doubt, honest set of men ; but all
people have their antipathies, and
butchers are one of mine. However,
I disguised my feelings, and joined in
the conversation, hoping thereby to
make myself agreeable to the company,
among whom were many of my neigh
"bors. How I did it I cannot tell, bat by
some means I managed to effend a big,
hulking "fellow, whom I recognized as
the owner of a butcher's shop exactly
facing my establishment. I tried all
I could to soothe the monster, but he
glared at me like an ogre, and made
such very strong remarks that I thought
it better to keep silent, hoping thereby
to let the storm blow over. Vain hope t
the butcher being unable : to , speak to
mo, in consequence of my silence, vent
ed his malice by speaking at me. He
complained about tradesmen opening
. new shops in opposition to the old enes ;
declared mat he had been made quite
Rick by some bad butter that he had
seen that day; and hoped, when
the Inspector of Weights and Measures
-visited that neighborhood, that he would
look after some shopkeepers in b articu
lar, for he, Mr. Grote, had watched one
fellow tampering with his weights and
scales all day.
I knew he meant me, for I certainly
had amused myself in the intervals of
serving my customers by polishing up
" my scales and weights, and at I saw by
their looks that the, company knew that
the wretch intended me, I had no help
lor it tmt to repiy.
"Sir," said 1, in the most conciliatory
manner possible, ." I am exceedingly
nFTT tliat I snould nave uuwit-
tinolv offended you : but I cannot fail
to see that your, observations are evi
fantlv intended for. me."
" If the cap fits, yon may wear it,
grinned the brute, i "1 shan't mention
names, to give any one the opportunity
of getng the law of me; I ain't so
'i'h mn does not fit." I replied ;
tnr T v.o in sav that my butter is
rrnllATt. rrvr scales iust. and that all
-vAiir accusations are entirely false.
- With a howl of rage, the brute sprang
from his seat and dashed Ms pipe in my
face. Luckily two of his companions
seized him, so that I was able to make
my escape from the room ; but as I fled
I could hear him irociferating, . Come
on, you cowardlet me go yah I you
cut I" and so on. uhtu I had leit tne
V . From that moment my life was one of
misery. The noma wretca woms
-would not let me alone ; he teazed me
morning, noon and night, nntil I be
came the laughing-stock of the neigh
borhood, and, consequently my trade
fell off until ruin seemed to stare me in
the face. My neighbors avoided me as
if I had the plague, and some went so
for as to join the butcher in annoying
me, so that at last I became frightened
to go out, and passed my evenings in
the little parlor behind tne shop, mak
ing up my books.
, One night, while I was so engaged,
a ring came at the bell. I opened the
door, and a man, clad in a long cloak,
the oollar-of which was turned up so as
to conceal his face, rushed into the
passage, a proceeding I no sooner re
marked than X immediately prepared to
rush into the street, for I cannot bear
burglars ; but before I could execute
my purpose the fellow caught me by
the shoulder, and, in tones that froze
my very blood, whispered in my ear :
" Don't be a fool, Dick ; come in and
shut the door, or I shall be seized."
' Jim !" I stammered. " Why, what
is the matter ?"
" Shut the door and come into the
parlor ; then I will tell you."
I did as he commanded, and then
waited impatiently for the explanation
of this sudden and mysterious visit.
Phew ! said Jim, as he threw off
his cloak, " I've had a narrow escape."
"But how have you had an escape?
and from what have you escaped ?"
" Dick, I am ruined," cried my
brother, throwing himself into a chair.
" I backed the wrong horse for the St.
Leger. and have lost all my money."
" I knew you would, Jim," I said ;
"I knew you would. But it's no tr
crying over spilt milk, as "the proverb
says ; you must come and share with
me, though heaven knows that I have
not much to offer you, for that horrid
Dntcner nas nearly ruined me."
" ion re a stock! fellow. Dick : but I
have worse news still. You must know
that I had a thousand pounds placed in
my nanas 10 ouy norses lor a gentle
man. So convinced was I that Vander-
decken would win this race, that I not
only put my money on him, but also
that which. I had in trust. I have lost
all, and have had to fly to avoid the
The frightful news so overcame me
that I could only wring my hands, and
" Oh, what is to be done ? what is to
" This is what must be done," ' said
Jim. in a hurried whisper ; " you must
take my clothes and my name, and I
will take yours in exchange ; you must
go down to Acton to my rooms, and I
carry on your business here. Do you
"Yes, I see; but the police may ar
rest me by mistake."
"Of course they will; that's the
r beauty of the thing. . I expect to make
a hatful 01 money over the next race,
and when I have done that I shall show
up, declare the whole affair has been
a mistake; either pay the thousand
pounds or buy the horses ; you will be
released, and can bring an action for
damages for false imprisonment."
" Yes, that's all very well, Jim ; but
suppose you should not win all this
money i K
"Nonsense, my dear fellow ; I must
win it. It's as safe as the bank."
' Yes, but so was Vanderdecker."
"Oh, bother Yanderdecken I I tell
you I must win ; besides, should I fail,
I bolt over to France, then you prove
your identity, they must release you,
nd there you are.
" Yes ; but in the meantime I shall
be in prison."
"Not necessarily; you must keep
close, and then, perhapp, they may not
find you. I will give you a letter to
my friend, Bob Kirby you are sure to
find him at the ' Bit and Bridle and
he will tell you what to do. You must
not write to me here. Bob will do all
the writing, and let you know how
things are going. Now, come and let
us change clothes ; there is not a mo
ment to lose, or you will be too late for
"But, my business ? " I gasped, for I
did not like the job at alL
"Oh! I can take care of that; you
know I understand the trade."
" But the butcher ? " .
"I must put up with him I suppose,"
said Jim, looking rather blue. "Of
course, it is not pleasant ; bnt nothing
is in this world, and, as yon have
stood his insults for so long a time, I
suppose I shall be able to bear it for a
little while. There is the letter ; now
off with your clothes and put on mine."
How Jim did it I can t say, but in
less than a quarter ef an hour I was
dressed in his clothes, and turned out
of my own house.
X crept along the road trembling at
the sight of a policeman, and wonder
ing at the little notice they took of me.
I reached the train in safety, -and ar
rived in Acton without being arrested.
I found the " Bit and Bridle" and
Bob Kirby, to whom I delivered the
letter. He read it, and at once took
me to Jim's rooms, advising me not to
move therefrom if 1 valued my liberty.
Need I say that I felt very uncomfort
able, and obeyed his orders to the let
On the second night after my arrival
in Acton, Mr. Kirby came to my rooms
and told me I must prepare to start for
Xjondon at once.
"Yon must take care yon are not
seen," he continued ; " for if you are
cauaht now things would be very awk
ward. Tell Jim he must come down
here at once : he had better walk down,
for the trains may be watched. If he
can get down without being seen, all
will be well ; but if not, I fear they
will try to make it a case of con
Oh, how bitterly I repented having
consented to leave my butter-shop I for,
all things considered, the police were
to me worse than . the butcher. By
keeping myself a etriot prisoner in m;
own house, X could avoid the butcher
but there was no safety from the police.
With a beating heart I crept up to my
own shop and knocked gently at the
door,' which was 'opened directly by
Jim, to whom I delivered my dreadful
" I must be off at once, Dick," he
said ; " we must change clothes direct
ly. You will be all right, for I have
made every one believe I was you. I
made a capital tradesman after atL
I've sent your business up , wonder-
"I am very glad to hear it, Jim ; I'm
sure it needed it. But how about the
" Oh, he has been a great nuisance,
certainly-; but look here, Dick, don't
you be half so easy with him. I don't
believe he has half the pluck he pre
tends to have."
"I do I know it!" was my rueful
answer; but if the business is improv
ing, I shall try to put up with tho an
noyance. " "
" That's right, Dick. And now good
bye. I'm much obliged to yoa for
what yon have done. - If any of
the girls Bay you made love to them,
you will know that I am the culprit
onlv don't von say, bnt keep the fun
np. It's not disagreeable work, I can
assure you. Ha ! ha! ha ! nobody
would believe you if yon were to swear
it was me. do gooa-oy, ana taxe care
of yourself.' ' ,
i With a hearty laugh Jim went on his
road, and I, with a sad heart, sought
my bed. .
1 I arose very early the next morning
and took down the shutters, so as to
avoid meeting that horrid butcher. A
few minutes afterward a very pretty
girl came fluttering into the shop, and,
with many a pretty smile and simper,
purchased half a pound of best fresh
butter v. , .. .
"Why, how dull you are this morn
ing, Mr. Perkins!" she exclaimed, with
a pretty, sly glance.
"Dull?" I replied, in a dreamy
' Oh, nonsense !" she cried, " it is no
good putting on that modest air, after
the way you behaved yesterday. Do
you know, when you first came here,
we all thought you such a sneak at
least most of us did ; but I always said
that you were not so demure as you
wished to make out and the way you
snatched that kiss from me yesterday
proves it." 1 ,
"So," thought 1, "that is the way
master Jim nas been improving my
business, is it ? " i
I looked at the little rosy mouth, and
could not blame him nay, I ventured
to follow his example, and did so with
tne greatest success. i
"Do you know," said the young lady,
putting her arms on the counter " do
you know I have liked you ever since
you tnrasnea tnat Dig ouuy, urote, tne
outcner?" , .
" What I x exclaimed, 1 in amaze
ment, "thrashed Grote ? "
" ui course you did, when he came
ove- here swearing he would pull your
nose,! On,, X did like the cool way in
which you went to meet him and knock
ed him down. It was splendid."
Could it be possible ? Had my twin
brother thrashed the butcher, and left
me to reap the glory ? As if to confirm
my suspicions, at that very instant
Grote appeared in his shop and, oh.
his face t , It was one mass of bruises !
I stepped out oh the pavement to have
a look at him closer. On seeing me he
bowed politely, but I merely shook my
fist at him, and he retreated rapidly.
I cannot describe how my business
increased from that day, and all through
Jim's boldness and Ught-heartedness.
Daring the day I received abetter from
my dear brother, in which he informed
me that he had not lost his money ; but
having heard of my misery, he invented
this little plot to save me. ,
I have now several large shops. Jim
has never joined me, he having retired
from the turf and become a gentleman
farmer. I am married, and have a large
family. Mr eldest boy is about to
marry Miss Grote, Grote having be
come very good friend with me, and.
what is better, very rich. But, good
friends as we are, I have never thought
it worth my while to inform him of his
slight mistake. - ;
While I was residing in Newark,
N. J., a lady of my acquaintance related
to me an incident which I know to be
true, and which I deem worthy of rec
ord. My friend determined to try the
experiment of making companions of a
cat and a bird. To this end she took a
young kitten and a young canary, and,
with great care, reared them together ;
and she was successful. After they had
grown up the cat might be left in the
cage of the bird, or the bird, as was
more often the case, left to play with
the cat about the room, and they mani
fested great fondness for each other.
One mornmcr. wnen the lady had left
the two mates at play upon the carpet,
and had, for a moment, stepped into an
adjoining apartment, she heard a sud
den noise which startled her. She
hastened back, and was just in season
to see the cat seize the canary in her
month and leap with it upon the table.
For a moment the lady was in sore dis
tress, not doubting that her favorite
bird was doomed ; but observing, pres
ently, that the cat was gazing fiercely
toward the hall entrance, she turned in
that direction, and quickly discovered
the cause. The door had been accident
ally left open and a strange oat was
crouching upon the threshold.- After
she had driven away the intruder and
closed the door, her own cat came down
from the table, and having dropped the
canary without the least injury, gave
expression to her satisfaction an a series
of joyous antics in which the bird
readily joined. And from that time the
lady thought more of her ' pets than
ever. JSew t orc Jeager.
Twenty Miles an Hour.
Tom Sanders, of Buffalo, owns a little,
lazy, slow mare, that is the ridicule of
his friends. One recent evening he
and some of these friends were talking
or norses, when he astonished them by
offering to bet $100 that he could ride
his mare twenty miles an hour. He
counted out the money in a tantalizing
way, remarking that his mare had been
laughed at- long enough, and he had
made up his mind to show what she
could do. It seemed like robbing Tom.
so they all said, to take his bet,, but he
insisted, so the stakes were put in trust
worthy hands. . A day was chosen for
the trial, and when it : came Tom led
them to the Central railroad depot.
where the homely little mare was found
aboard a baggage-car. Tom had tick
eted her for Rochester by express, and
when the train was ready to start he got
on her back smiling triumphantly. He
said he reckoned that he could ride that
way twenty miles an hour, unless the
time-table lied. Away went the train.
with the referee holding the watch, and
the three fellows who had joined in the
bet against the mare very sorrowful of
expression. About fifteen miles had
been run in about half an hour, and
Tom was grinning in anticipation of an
easy victory,; when the car bumped over
something, and he was thrown from the
mare by hastily applied air-brakes. An
axle: had: broken, and the train 'was
stopped more than an hour. And Tom was
not so rueful over his loss of the stakes
and the failure of his trick as he was
over his stupidity in not thinking of
taking the mare off the car and riding
the rest of the twenty miles, as there
had been ample time to do within the
A xnswiiT-ziiKCTKP Congressman , of
Wisconsin is much annoyed because of
this story about himself in the Beaver
Dam paper : " The Hon.! read in
the paper that Congress was to assem
ble Dec 7, so be packed np his clean
linen, and, with his wife and one or
two children, started for the National
Capital in time to claim his seat in the
House of Representatives i at the open
ing session. After his arrival there, it
did not take him a great while to learn
that school would not begin for him
until the 4th" of March. He returned
home after an absence of about three
weeks, and finds it mighty hard work
to convince his friends that he has only
just been visiting in Missouri."
v. 1 f : .,
An old citizen of Wilmington, Dela
ware, has iust printed his first news
paper communication. He says X the
wav to keen the feet warm in winter is
to dispense with Stockings. He had
been a sufferer from cold feet until he
tried this plan.. He wears close fitting
shoes, buttoned well up to the ankle,
and he carefully washes his feet twice
a day, not necessarily, however, in cold
THE TERRIBLE McWATEES.
A. Sketch of a Noted Western Desperado.
Nebraska City Correspondence Chicago Times.
Our District Court has just ad
journed, and the notorious "desperado,
William Mo Waters, has been sentenced
to twenty-one years at hard labor in
the Lincoln Penitentiary, and the pon
derous gates have hidden the criminal
from the world in which he regarded
human life no more than a sportsman
does a prairie chichen. He was young
in years,, but graduated early among
the 1 bushwhackers of Missouri, and is
known from Nebraska to Oregon as the
terrible McWaters a living personifi
cation of just such characters as figure
in dime novels, and fill up the measure
of glory in saloon literature.
William McWaters was born in Platte
county, Mo., the year after the great
flood 1844. His mother was a Ken
tucky woman of superior character.
Soon after the rebellion broke out he
joined a company of the boys who
burnt the Platte bridge and precipitated
the Hannibal and St. Joe train into an
awful chasm, killing many of the pas
sengers, because Federal soldiers were
among them. Then he enlisted with Jim
Giddins' band and fought under Gen.
Price for six months. On Coming back
home to Bee Creek he found the family
residence burnt, his father and brother
killed by the militia, and the rest of the
family driven off in banishment. So he
associated himself with Bill - Anderson,
John and Fletch Taylor, and other
desperate bushwhackers, and resolved
to sacrifice a hundred lives for one in
revenge, and did pick off Capt. Cheese
man and thirty or forty of his men, who
were quartered in the neighborhood.
But the rising glory of Quantrell drew
them over into Kansas again; where
McWaters found congenial work in the
sacking and burning 01 Xiawrence,
(Jaantrell afterward carried his free
hooters into Arkansas, and there they
fell out among themselves over a woman,
and the.sanguary Bill Anderson drew
away from Quantrell and raided back
through Northern Missouri like a flame
of fire over the prairies, carrying young
McWaters in his train, who had many
adventures more strange than fiction,
and was assisted out of many hair
breadth escapes by a fair heroine named
At the close of the war we hud Mo-
Waters keeping a saloon in Platte City,
when he shot a man : and his friend.
John Taylor, was shot by the pclice.
He then escaped to St. Joe, which was
seething with desperadoes from all par
ties, where his other friend, Fletch
Taylor, was shot dead by the police ;
and McWaters, in return, shot the
liy the aid of confederates he got out
of Missouri and came to Wyoming, in
this county, where a romantic attach
ment sprung up between him and a
beautiful young lady, who was to have
married his friend Fletch Taylor, and he
was to be the groomsman, and they were
on the way up when the affray took
place in St. Joe which ended the career
of Fletch Taylor. Miss Susie Davis
weddetl McWaters, and through thick
and thin has idolized her husband the
one bright picture in this narrative.
Two years aero McWaters shot WoIIe
dead in a row in Wyoming ; and soon
after his brother-in-law, Woodson, who
is a cousin of Gov. Woodson, of Mis
souri, shot xsarlow dead, and is now
serving a term in the penitentiary for
it. McWaters was cleared. But about
year afterward John Crook and he
shot and killed an innocent man in
Dold's saloon, in this city. They were
caught and shut up in an iron cage,
where it seemed they were very safe for
trial. But, oae evening, when the
guards were shifting them, they man
aged to steal the arms, and, at the
pistol's mouth, drove the guards into the
case, locked them in, and escaped on
horses which had been placed outside
by friends. , In the Indian Nation the
men separated in bad blood, and Mc
Waters, for whom a large reward was
offered, was acrain caueht at Havs City.
Kansas. Bnt while the Sheriff s posse
was making the prison safe for him he
executed the old maneuver, and sud
enly shut six of them inside, while he
escaped on the sheriffs horse.
He then made his way northward
among the Islackfoot Indians, and
shot one of them dead over a bottle of
whisky, and has his blankets yet, with
the ballet-holes, he running the gaunt-1
let of the whole tribe.
we next near of JVlo Waters at tne
little town of Sparta, Baker county,
Oregon, where he visited a relative and
had a famous needle-gun, with which
he murdered a man named George
Weed, with whom he had a quarrel in a
gambling-house. The man had gone
off some distance, but had on a soldier's
blue ooat, and Mo Waters could not re
sist the temptation of letting fly a charge
at his brass buttons shooting him in
A lady and gentleman were crossing
our meadow one cloudj day, when sud
denly it began to rain. -
" Won t you be kind enough to hoist
my umbrella 7 said the lady.
uertaimy, saia tne gentleman.
X was astonished at this, for u
"won't" means anything at alL it means
will not ; and therefore. according to
my translation, the genteman really had
told the lady that certainly he would
not be Kvaa enough, to hoist her um
Bat no. Even while he spoke he
opened that useful article and held it
gracefully over his companion.
" Thank "yon i" said she earnestly.
1 Not at all," said he still more earn
estly. And on they went.
'' Why, the fellow flatly contradicted
the lady," said I to myself. "How
But no, again, for they were on the
best of terms, and - the lady smiled
sweetly at his words.
Yet the birds tell me that this sort of
talk is quite usual among genteel
numan oeings.- ist. jsicnoias. ,
Petbolxcic The heaviest item of
American manufacture exported is that I
ox our renneti petroleum. Xt foots np
to the enormous figure of $37,000,000
annually. " Fori the year ending June
30, X874, tne export of refined oils was
271,000,000 gallons of an aggregate
value of $37,561,513, and the residuum
and crude exported in the same year
welled tne amount to a bout $41,000, UUO.
Sings the thermometer has been down
to twenty below &exo, people in Blue
Earth and Nicollet counties. Minn.,
have been convinced that freezing will
not kill locusts' eggs by trying the ex-
periment ox nataoxng irozen eggs Deiore
a fire. A small but important part in
the Minnesota Valley is sure to be over
. m i , - j w .
run by hoppers next summer.
Thjb Swiss,- Austrian and Belgian gov
ernments have adopted stringent meas
ures against the importation of Ameri
can potatoes infested with the Ooloraso
A CALUMNY JRETBACTED.
And a Girl and Her Lover Made Hapnv
Style in Nevada.
The fashion reporter of an Austin
City (Nev. ) paper described the belle of
the masquerade ball in the following
astounding language : '
"The most gorgeous, stunning, high
toned, richest, fasteat-clasaest, nicest, or any
other adjective for costume in the ' out fit,'
was that worn by Mias Frankie Clarke. Sae
was the hifalutinest, gayest and gallasest
dressed gal in the room. She appeared in the
room as a page, and she was a page that any
man would leave another to read. Both iu
costume and action she was as perfect aa a
A couple of days after the appear
ance of tae notice, into the editorial
room of the paper stalked a young man.
His brow was wrapped in thunder, his
body in a suit of tweed, and his hand
clasped a big lump of hickory. He
pulled a paper out of his pocket, and,
pointing his finger to the paragraph,
said : "I want ter see the man as
wrote that 'ere." "Iam the individ-
.uaL" replied the person. "What did
yer go and do it for, that's wat I want
to know?" " Oh, because I thought
you'd like to see your girl made out
one of the most bewitching females
that was ever set on earth to keep a
man from his hash and drive balmy
sleep from bis pillow." " Now, look
here, ever sence that was published I
can't get a word out on her. She sets in
front of the looking-glass and keeps
gazin' on herself, and makin squint
eyes at her dress, and puckerin" up her
mouth, and aotin' as if she were a
blasted sight better'n anybody else. I
want this 'ere thing fixed, or there'll be
an editor's situation vacant." He
looked significantly at the club. For a
moment the reporter stood in profound
thought ; then his face brightened, and
he said, "III fix it in next week's pa
per. After you have seen the next is
sue, call and . tell me the result." The
young man left.- Xn the next weeks
paper appeared tne toiiowing para
A CoBBBCTioK. We made a grave mis
take in our issue of last week. In our de
scription of the masquerade ball, we acci
dentally substituted the name of Miss
Frankie Clarke for that of Miss Georgia
Waller. Any one who is acquainted with the
first named lady must have discovered the
error, it is true tnat she appeared for wnat
was intended as a page, but sue looked - a
eood deal more like a b-jot-black in hard luck,
etie is not KOod-lookmc. her actions were ab
surd, and every man in the room kept as far
from her as possible. She thinks of moving
out of this community, as it's unapprecia
tive. When she goes' she will be escorted
out of the town by a brass bandf The people
of Annua wm gladly miss ner irom among
The nextday the young man entered
the office. In his hand he bore a rifle,
and his belt was ornamented with a
big six-shooter and a tremendous bowie-
knife. He sailed up to the reporter.
I look warlike, don't I ? I don't feel
a bit like flghtin', you bet. You jest
oughter have seen her when she read
that correction. Why, she just danced
a lie with madness ; and she sot down
and cried, and then she come up and
threw her arms around my neck, and
said : Arthur, do you love me ? ion
bet tout best bonnet on that.' said L
' Well, never expect me to speak to you
again if you don't go and kill the fellow
wat writ that slander. In course I
promised. And here I am to kill you.
Me lancbed lone and hP.artilv. Alter a
time he quieted down, and the reporter
said : '" X suppose, in order to make it
all right between you and your girl,
I've got to become a corpse. I'll do it.
Sit there a minute and I'll fix the busi
ness." He sat down at a desk, and
scribbled away for a few minutes, and
then returned with a sheet of paper, on
which was written :
' bitcaby. It grieves us to be compelled
to announce the sudden death of Mr. Charles
Keller, the ysodk and talented fashion ed
itor. Id a moment of mental aberration he
had slandered an estimable, accomplished aad
beantiiul voune lady of tnis citv. named Miss
Frankie Clarke. Yesterday her betrothed
called at this office and aeked for the author
of the slander, and, when he discovered him.
shot him dead on the spot. This paper will
be unable to give fashion gossip hereafter,
We hud it imposaioie to nil the place lerc va
cant by Mr. Keller, Though erratic, he was a
man of kindly heart, and could listen more
attentively to stale stones ana armn more
bad whisky than any man in America.
" B. I. P.
" That's your sort,'
said the infuria-
ted lover. "That's
the thing to a T.
I Come along, Mr. Corpse, and hist a little
I lisrhtninfir. The lady was satisfied
when the paragraph, appeared in the
I next issue of the paper, her lover was
regarded as a hero, and the Austin pa
per ceased to give reports of fashiona
ble balls. Chicago Tribune.
ANkwabk (N. J.) paper gives the
origin of the term " foreign " to every
thing connected witn tnat state some
what as follows: When' Joseph Bona
parte left Spain somewhat hurriedly,
he desired, through an alien, to own
real estate, and appealed to the Legis
latures of many States for a specmo act
enabling mm to do so. Alter trying l
Pennsylvania, New York, and other
states, ne Bucceeaea in sw jersey,
and, having secured an act of the
Legislature, built the finest residence
in America at isordentown. Jtie was
liberal with his money, and became of
no little service in building up the
toT-n. Philadelphia, observing his
wealth, and regretting her inability to
share it, talk d sour grapes by calling
Joseph Bonaparte Xving 01 iNew jersey,
and that State a foreign country gov
erned by a despot. ,
A deaf nrattt boy recently carried a
note to a lady's house in Knoxville,
Tennessee, asking for clothing. She
asked the boy a question, cut receiving
no answer, sue oeoame xngntenea :
visions of robbers, burglars, etc, flit
ted before her eyes, and sue quickly
locked the doors, and, rushing up i
stairs, began to shoot a pistol out of i
the window, alarming the whole neigh
borhood, while the boy stood calmly at
the door, unoonscioufl 01 anytmng go
ing wrong. J After shooting three
times, friends rushed in and the situa-
tion was explained.
Beiqkam is getting the worst tongue
lashine that man ever got. While his
recalcitrant No. 19, Ann Eliza, is travel
ing about the country exposing the
tribulation; jealousies, bickerings and
infelicities of hi much married life, a
betrayed follower and quondam family
friend, Mrs. Stenhouse, is shown, g up
his vices and arrogant pretensions to
the people who live around his own
door. - Mrs. Stenhouse delivered her
new lecture on Brigham at Salt Lake a
few evenings sago. : She will shortly
start out on a tour of the Territories.
" You lave a pleasant home and a 1
bright fireside, with happy children
81LCM1K SraOUU It, UBVBU b VOU f BB1U
. J St. 1 Z- Ml !1
the Jndce. ' Yes, : sir.' said Mr.
Thompson, who thought he saw a way i
out of the difficulty. ; " "Well," said the
Jndge, " if : the happy children sit
aronnd the cheerful fireside until yon
mtnrti. thev will stav thm-A in at fnrtv.
eight dayB, aa I shall send yon up. for
that tune." vtnomnatt Jiimea.
Deposits received subject to check at sight.
Interest allowed on lime depot fts in coin.
Exchange on Portland. San Francisco and New
York for sale at lowest rates.
Collections made and promptly rerouted.
Kefere to H. W. Oorbett. Henry Failinff. W. 8.
Banking hours from 8 a. m. to 4 p. m.
Albany, Feb. 1, 1874. 22v6
D. M. JONES.
J. UNSET, HHJCi.
JONES & HILL,
PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS,
J. W. BALDWIN,
Attorney and Counselor at Law,
Will practice in all the Conrta in the Second, Third
and Fourth Judicial Distiictfl, in the Supreme Court
or Oregon, and in the u. 8. District ana circuit
Office in Parrish brick (un-stair), in office occu
pied by the late N. H. Crauor, First street, Albany,
D. B. BICE, M. D.,
SURGEON AND PHYSICIAN.
Qfflce, First-st., Between Ferry and Washington,
Residence. Third street, two blocks below or east
of Methodist Church, Albany, Oregon. vSnlO
C. POWELL. L. FLTNN.
POWELL & FLYNN,
Attorneys and Counselors at Law,
AND SOLICITORS IK CHANCERY,
L. Fllnn. Notary Public). Albany. Oreeon. Collec
tions and coneyances promptly attended to. 1
Albany Book Store.
Dealer in .
Miscellaneous - Books, School Books, Blank
Books', Stationery, Fancy Articles, etc.
Books imported to order st shortest possible no-
DR. GEO. W. GRAY,
13 E 1ST T I S T ,
Office in Parrish Brick Block, corner First and
ueaidence, corner irtn ana f erry streets.
Office hours from 8 to 13 o'clock a. m. and 1 to S
o'clock p. m. 18v6
THE BAY TEAM STILL LIVES,
And is flourishing like a green bay tree. Thankful
for- past favors, and wishing to merit the continu
ance of the same, the BAY JEAM will always be
ready, and easily found, to do any hauling within
the city limits, for a reasonable compel! Ballon.
ueiivery or gooas a specialty.
20v5 A. N. ARNOLD, Proprietor.
W. C. TWEE DALE,
Groceries, ProTisiens, Tonacco, Cigars,
Cutlery, Crockery, and Wood and Willow Ware, -Albany,
Call and see him. 24v5
The lYletzler Chair!
Can be had at the following places:
Harrisburg .....Sim May
Junction City ....Smith & Braelleld
Brownaville ..Kirk at Home
Halsey M. Morgan
bcio.... ...... . ... ...... ..J. . crown
Albany ....... . ..Graf Collar
A full supply can also be obtained at my old ahop
on jnrst street, Aioany, uregon.
-4. m. rn.fc.xfii.ritt.
Whr say this damaging and troublesome com
plaint cannot be cured, when so many evidences of
snocess might be placed before yoa every day
cures of supposed hopeless cases T Your physician
'informs you that the longer you allow the complaint
to exist, xou lessen your onancea I or rauex. .ex
perience has taught this in all eases.
A. Carotliers & Co.'s Pile Pills & Oiatnieiit
Are all they are recommended to be. Will cure
Chronic. Blind and Bleeding Piles In a very short
time, arid are convenient to ue
This preparation is sent ny man or express to any
point within the United States at $1.50 per package.
Address a. jaku inula uu,
37vS Box 33. Alsbany, Oregon
Groceries anil Mions,
Has just opened his new grocery establishment, on
Corner of Ellsworth and JFirsl Streets
With a fresh stock of Groceries, Provisions. Candles,
Cigar, Tobacco, sc., to wnicu ne myites tne auen
tion of our citizens.
In connection with the store he will keep a Bakery,
and will always have on band a full supply of fresh
Bread, Crackers, sc.
f3F Call and see me.
February 16. 3v
The Old Stove Depot
Coot, Parlor' and Box Stoves!
OF THE BEST PATTERNS,
Tin, Sheet Iron and Copper Ware
And the nsnal assortment of Famishing Goods to
, l. be obtained rn a Tin Btors.
Repairs neatly and promptly executed oa reason-
anie terms. I r.
Short Beckoningsj Make Long Friends.
' Fbont Stbkbt, Albaot. ..
Dec 5,1874. j 1
Manuf aoturSrs and Dealers in
w xj n nsri i a? u :r as
OP AtL KINDS. -. : '
Bureaus, Bedsteads. Tables, Lounges,
Beds, Chairs, Etc,
Always on hand or made to order on the shortest
Furniture repaired expeditiously and at fair rates.
Salesroom eoaer Vaetoiy on Vint Street.
, : saesur teeiameeir's liaJterjr. ...
Albany, Feb. 38, 187-25. : GRAF It COLLAR:
A. W. GAMBLE, M. D
PHYSICIAN, SURGEON, Etc.
Offioe on First St., over Weed's (tracery Store
Residence opposite late residence of John C. Men
denhall, near the Foundry, First street, Albany.
October 33 1873.
Vebfoo t r.1 arkot!
Having leased the Webfoot Market, on First jttrset.
adjoining Oradwohl'a, respectfully asks a snare of
the public patronage. The market will be kept con
stantly supplied with all kinds of fresh meats. Call
tr The highest cash price paid for Hides.
Albany, August 14, 1874. . ..
W. H. die Far I and.
(Late M. M. Harvey 4 Co.,)
Next Door to Conner's Bank, ;
Force and Lift Pumps, -Lead
and Iron Pipe,
House Furnishing Hardware,
Tin, Copper ! SheetIronWare
LARGEST STOCK IN THE VALLEY
LOWEST PRICES EVERY TIME.
REPAIRING PROMPTLY DONE.
June 11, 1874.
'oiiry ai ffiacMS&OL
A. F. CHERRY, Proprietor,
Flour and Saw MiUMacninery,
Wooa-Worlciiig & AgricEltural MacWnery r,
And all kinds of
Iron and Brass Castings.
Particular attention paid to repairing all kinds ol
A. CAR0THERS & CO.,,
DEAIiEBS IN -
All the popular
. CTGABS, TOBACCO.
And TOILET GOODS,-
Particular care and promptness given physicians .
prescriptions and family recipes. .
A. UAJttOltU&KS 9t w,
Albany, Oregon. - . 4vS
GO TO THE
BEE-HIVE STORE I
&C.t &C.r. &C,
Cheap for CaslxE
Country Proince of All Ms.
For Merchandise or Cash..
This is the p'aoe to get the-
Best Bargains Ever Offered in ABw&su
Parties will alwavs do well to call ami see for thexnn-
selves. - M. WBJaO
First Street, Albany, Onegpum.
Was first known in America, tts merits are now--well
known throughout the habitable world. It has
the oldest and beat record of any "Liniment &th
world. From the millions upon millions of bottles
sold not a single complaint has ever reached us. As
a Healing aad Pain-Subduing Liniment it has no.
equal.. Itis aliks . - .? i.
BENEFICIAL TO MAX AK1 BEASTC
8old by all Druggists.
Is a purely Vegetable Preparation, composed of
Calisaya Bark, Roots, Herbs and fruits, among
which will be found Baraaparillian, Bendelion, Wild
Cherry, Sassafras, Tansy, Gentian, Sweet Flatr, etc.;.
also Tamarinds, Hates, Prunes and Juniper Carries,
preserved in a sufficient quantity (only) f the snirlt
of Sugar Cine to keep in say climate. They invari
ably relieve and cure the following complaints
Dyspepsia,- Jaundice, Liver Complaints, Loss of
Appetite, Headache, Bilious Attacks, lever and
Ague, Summer Complaints, Sour Stomach, Palpita
tion of the Heart, General Debility, etc. They are
especially adapted as a remedy for the diseases to
!'::;-'iW.p 111 EOVU-'w
Are subjected and as a tonio for the Aged, Feeble
and Debilitated, have bo equal. They are strictly la
tended aa a Temperance Toaie oc Bitters, to be
a aed as a medicine only, aad always aeoording to
gOLD BT ALL FlXBT-CLASS DSTJGKJISTS-