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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (Dec. 11, 1874)
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COLL. "WN OX-.RVE.
THE LITTLE FOLKS.
Oa;7, Ttftiey. ran try toe so !
lAok' at yonr c-lotuen ami Bee their plight
Wcer on wimiow and iiair tixxcl floor.
Enough to drown Doly before your sight.
Dear, naughty ftaers that mischief find,
Reetieds irota morning till starry eve
Dipping la tliif, turning o'er that,
iouiug"s untouched, 1 do believe.
Marks of fingers on paint and plas.
Bad little finger-tip, what shad I do?
Tie thi m together, ail pnug and tight,
io that tDe mischief can't get through ?
Pa:?y looked np through eyes of blue,
Solemnly looked, and debated the thought ;
While fingers dWaecteda baby doll.
The .at new purchase mamma, had bought ;
In torn bo geutiu, I eould but bleea,
She answer caiu 4 Tut um oft", I dees."
De&T little finders, we can't tut off,"
Dimpled white angers a- ever you we?
Of patience we'd ask an abundant .store,
caret ully taught, a bieasing they'll be.
My- Foolish Fingers,
BY UNCUS ALBERT.
The fingers on one of my hands bad a
quarrel the other day ; at least I
dreamed they did, and that's just as well.
It seems they thought I was asleep, and
took the elianee to pitch into one an
other. The first I noticed of it there was a
gener oouEotion, and the middle and
ring lingers were pushing each other
itefuliv. Each of them -wanted
all the room. j
" Now you just stand aside," said i
Mr. Middle ; " I'm the longest and lug- I
est, and have the best right here. Yon
aro alwuy3 sticking yourself up and j
getting in the way. I'll have you un
derstand that the"rniddle of the hand is
all mine, and if yon know when it's j
good for you, you'll keep away."
At t iis Mrs. King was so indignant j
she could not speak, and Mr. Fore j
Finger, jumping up in a great flurry,
" No, you don't either, you insolent
fellow ! Mrs. King and 1 aun down j
into the middle just as much as you do,
ami, puttiDg us together, we occupy ;
more of the middle than you do. If
you don't behave yourself we will take
you in hand together and give j
Vou such a thrashing as you never had.
ion are a preat overgrown lubber, :
good for nothing but to get in the way j
of better people." j
At this Mr. Fere stretched himself:
up r.s 'nigh as be could beside his ;
neigblior," while Mr. Middle looked
down on iiim with great contempt, and
Said sn rringly :
" Or,t upon yon ! You are so much
of a ntVjody that I never think of you
except when I want to touch Thumb for
some great business, and then there
vou are, blundering around in the
"Humph!" retorted Mr. Fore,
pretty talk, indeed. Mrs. King and I
have beer, in love these years, and we
oan't enjoy each other's company for
vou and your impudence."
Here these two drew back as if pre
paring for a right. In doing so Mr.
Middle crowded Mrs. King so that she
cried out :
"You are pretty fellows, to be sure.
I abhor you both. I wouldn't conde
scend to associate with either of you.
Haven't I always wore the wedding
ring because I am directly connected
-with the heart ? I heard my owner read
ing about it to-day, and now do you sup
pose I'll have anything to do with either
of yort low-bred "fellows ? I just wish
vou would fight so as to pull each other
out by the roots, and then I'd be clear
of yon and Lave it all to myself, the
. only proper way for a lady of my blood
and" next to the' heart !"
! this way and that, twisted and twirled,
! bumped and jumped, and got so much
I mixed up with it that they hardly knew
"Now," said Middle to F re, "you
must turn yourself around sad we can
"But I cant turn, sa:a lore,
" you must do that."
" I can't, sure."
"Then we will have to g:vc it up, if
Thumb does laugh at ue."
" Four sound fingers, suut ah together
vou can t pick up a pin," 1 exclaimed.
. Xow try it one at a time with Thumb.
With Thumb's aid any linger could pick
it up. , ,, .
"Now" said I, "stand up all in a
row,' for I must give you a lecture."
Up they stood, looking very sueepish,
and I said :
"You are neither of you worth a
straw alone. In almost everything two
of you must work together, and iu some
cases it takes all to do what is necessa
ry. Your usefulness and happifcess de
pend upon helping one another; How
silly and mean it is for you to quarrel.
It is cutting your own head oft. And
there are some boys and girls just like
you, always annoying and lating
the very persons who help them, and
without whose help they could do noth
ing. Sometimes they think themselves
independent of others, when really they
cannot do some simple thing without
them any more than one of you eould
pick up a pin alone." Chicago Stand
there would be a good many tracks of
bare feet found some of these bright
mornings ; and what piles of tools and
books would be found at their owners'
doors ! Phrenological Journal.
An Iron-Clad Hat's Xtsl.
The pretty schoolmistress stopped
by the stump and read a very wonder
ful thing, one fine day in July, to the
children who were going with her to
look for cresses at the brook so won
derful that I am going to ask the edi
tors to get the same magazine and copy
the story out for you. The story was
told by Prof. Silliman, and it came to
him in a private letter from a friend.
This friend was part owner of some
property on the Oregon coast contain
ing a saw-mill which had never been
set fairly at work. Close by was a
dwelling-house for the hands, and when
they cleared out for lack of work, a
quantity of things were stored there
tocls, packing for the engine, six or
seven kegs of large spikes, besides
knives, forks, spoons, etc., in the clos
ets, and a great stove in one of the
rooms. (Now, the editors will please
add the rest f the story ; and you, my
dears, will please bear in mind that the
writer is talking about the California
wood -rat) :
" This house," he says, " was left
uninhabited for two years, and being
at some distance from the settlement, it
was frequently broken into by tramps
who sought a shelter for the night.
When I entered the house I was aston
ished to see an immense rat's nest on
the emptv stove. On examining this
nest, which was about five feet
Last week we wrote an item about
two pears and noted their weight as If
pounds. It got into the paper 13$
His name was Hunter who set the item,
and he would have been an ornament
to the profession in due time. He possess
sed all the noble qualities of mind and
heart that tend to make the compositor
of the day beloved and esteemed by
good penmen. He could, when at his
best, take the pathos out of an obit
uary, the point off of a joke, the senti
ment out of a matrimonial puff, or the
piety out of a Sunday school conven
tion report, with the ease and grace
that would have set old Job on the rag
ged edge. He was, too, a promoter of
the cause of religion. In that line he
had no equal. No man could be
around him fifteen minutes without real
izing the necessity of some plan of
salvation, some refuge far away from
this sinful world, where all was purity
and the inhabitants washed their feet.
And he was no monopolist either. He
set his face squarely against anything
having the appearance of monopoly.
The sacrifice of comfort that he under
went to keep the other hands from mo
nopolizing their lunch stamped him an
a resistor of the iron heel of oppression
worthy of imitation.
But his greatest attribute was pa
tience. We cannot do him justice in
that respact. When we contemplate
that virtue we almost regret that we
killed him. He would listen to the in
vectives of the chief, the profane re
monstrances of the reporters, the indig
nant protests of outraged contributors,
the maledictions of proof-readers, and
the bloodthirsty threats of poets un
moved, beg their last chew of tobacco,
and cemmtnt on the quality thereof.
In his last moments, after he had been
hit with a mallet, a newspaper form
pitched into his abdomen, and run
twice through the cylinder press, his
only complaint was that we might have
waited until after dinner.
His situation is vacant. Although we
despair of every completely filling his
place, ambitious young men should not
feel discouraged. We can't all be per
fect. Apply at this office, inclosing
paid up accident policy. Our feet are
nearly kicked off now. Canton III.)
Patent Artificial Cheese.
The TJtica Herald remarks as follows
upon the manufacture of a new kind of
cheese, for which a p-itent was recently
The insertion of the prepared solid
fat of the body to take the place of the
fat taken from the milk, is not alone
employed to make an imitation of but
height, and occupied the whole top of ter- . is reported that, as fat and but-
the stove (a -large range), I found the
outside to be composed entirely of
i spikes, all laid with symmetry so as to
i present the points of the nails outward,
j In the center of this mass was the nest,
i composed of finely divided fibers of the
hemp packing. Interlaced with the
j spikes, we found the following : About
j three dozen knives, forks and spoons ;
: all the butcher-knives, three in num
j ber ; a large carving-knife, fork, and
! steel ; several large plugs of tobacco ;
! the outside casing of a silver watch, dis
i posed of in one part of the pile, the
i glass of the same watch in another, and
the works in still another ; an old purse
I containing some silver, matches, and
I tobacco ; nearly all the small tools from
i the tool-closets, among them several
j large augers. Altogether, it was a very
! curious mixture of different articles, all
j of which must have been transported
j some distance, as they were originally
stored in different parts of the house.
" The ingenuity and skill displayed
1 in the construction of this nest, and the
i curious taste for articles of iron, many
of them heavy, for component parts,
stolen from the
men who naa stolen into tne nouse lor
temporary lodging. I have preserved a
sketch of this iron-clad nest, which I
think unique in natural history."
From " Jackin-thc-Pulpit," St. Nich
olas for November.
At this speech Miss Little
quivered all over as she fairly screamed : j BtrUck me with surprise.
" I guess there's somebody in the 0f vaiue were, I think, st
world beside you, lurs. rung. iou are
the meanest, most conceited thing I
ever saw. There is no getting along
with you, you put on so many silly airs
just because some dunce used to think
you were closer connected to the heart
ihan the rest of us. I'll have you under
stand I've just as much to do with the
heart as you. And more than that, i m
nicer and prettier than you. You are
too big for a lady. I'm just as graceful
and nice as can be. Everybody admires
me. They stick the wedding ring on
you just because yon are so homely as
to need something to make you passable.
I'm handsome enough without it."
By this time each of the four fingers
was mad at all the other three, and
stood off as much as it could, looking
funny enough. I don't know that they
ever would have come together again
in the world if it had not been for Mr.
Thumb. He stood up very still and
dignified, and said in a deep bass voice,
very slowly, and with a good deal of a
" Well, well, you are four of the shal
lowest fools I ever saw. Got up a reg
ular fa.nily fight aDout notmng. x ve
half a mind to give you all a good drub
bing. I'd like to know what any one
of you would do alone. You'd cut a
pretty figure wouldn't you, flopping
around in the air with no one to lean
"Shut up !" they all cried together,
seeming to forget their differences in
common opposition to Uncle Thumb.
4 ' Shut up. You've no business med
dling in our affairs. You don't belong
to our family. Yon are not a finger at
all, but a thumb. Nature set you away
off by yourself because you are not fit
to be in good company, you short, clnm
sv old stump, you j '
"All right," said Uncle Thumb, cool
ly " I'm glad I don't belong to your
family if you keep up this kind of a
- rumpus all the time. I'm an old bach
elor and can get along alone shove my
thronch the world. But I
guess you'd all wish me back if I were
tone - von seem to make a good deal of
Innocent Old Gentlemen.
When papa asks some of his dear old
cronies to dinner, and they come in high
neck-cloths and out-of-date black coats,
and you girls fancy it does not much
matter what you put on the limp mus
lin that hangs awry, or the good gown
that never did fit well, but which it
would be a shame to put away don't for
a moment imagine that they do not see
it. If you have an ugly and easy way of
doing up your hair, keep it for another
occasion. It will pass better with young
Foodie, who may take it for the new
style, than with these old gentlemen.
He will bear with it, perhaps even ap
prove of it, if he has only never seen it
before ; but they will wonder what in
the world the child has done to herself.
No more observant spectator in the
i world than your silent, unimpressible-
lookmg innocent old gentleman. Mr.
Smith," by L. B. Waif or d.
A Word to Boys.
Boys, did you ever think that this
world, with all its wealth and woe, with
all its mines and mountains, oceans,
seas and rivers, with all its shippings,
its steamboats, railroads, and magnetic
telegraphs, and all its millions of group
ing men, and all the science and progress
of ages will soon be given over to boys
of the present age boys like you? Be
lieve it, and look abroad upon your in
heritance, and get ready to enter upon
its possession. The Presidents, Kings,
Governors, statesmen, philosophers,
ministers, teachers, men of the future
all, are boys now.
termilk are employed to make artificial
butter, so fat and skim milk are used to
make artificial cheese. The aims in
volved are similar in either case, al
though the methods of manipulation
are, ot course, varied. It is reported
that a factory is in operation in Brook
lyn, where the olein and margarin ex
pressed from the intestine fat of cattlf
is intimately mixed with skim milk, ant
the rennet then poured in, producing a
curd rich in oil, which can be cured, and
sold for cheese. Here wehave a proc
ess for putting back into skim milk
an animal oil in the place of the cream
which has been removed. We have
heard that something of this kind has
been practiced nearer to Utica than
Brooklyn. It is an ingenious device
for adulteration, and nothing more nor
less. No matter if the oil derived from
the tallow be chemically pure, still the
' mincliner of it with milk to take the
place ot cream is adulteration, and
though it may not be a change of com
position which produces an unhealthf ul
material, it is a change which occasions
a loss of value. Thus the schemes for
artificial butter and cheese are fraudu
lent at the outset, and even when we
suppose that none but the purest oils
and fats are used. If these compounds
come into any wide consumption there
will be materials used variously dis
guised which are wholly unfit for
entrance into the system. Then will
the evils of an enterprise which now
seems only mildly objectionable be rec
ognized and deprecated.
Dr. Hall enumerates several practices
of the careless public, which are some
time as dangerous as they are foolish :
Walking along the streets with the
point of an umbrella sticking out be
yond, under the arm or over the
shoulder. By snddenly stopping to
speak to a friend, or other cause, a per
son walking in the rear had his brain
penetrated through the eye, and died
in a few days.
To carry a long pencil in vest or out
side coat pocket. Not long since a
clerk in New York fell, and his long
cedar pencil so pierced an important
artery that it had to be cut downtfrom
gone ; you seem
Now V seemed to me that the best
way to stop this quarrel for good was to
let each one of the very independent
folks try to do some common thing
alone. So I told my thumb topick up
a pin. The fingers all agreed they
wouldn't help him, but would see how
he made out alone. Thumb made a dive
at the pin in his clumsy style, but .in
stead of picking it up he knocked xt
out of the window. He hung down his
head, and all the fingers pointed them
selves at him scornfully.
-Now," said L "Mr. Thumb has
failed ; suppose Mr. Middle tries it.
He did, but could only roll the pin
around. So they all tried, but none
could pick it up.
" You are a pretty set of independ
ent people," said I, and not one of you
can pick up a pin alone ! Now, Thumb,
vou stand aside, and let them try it al
together." So they tried, and such a
i.li nt nnnrw thev con Id do it easy
enough altogether ; but they scrambled
Keep our Promise.
A boy borrowed a tool from a car-
g niter, promising to return it at night,
efore evening he was sent away on an
errand, and did not return until late.
Before he went he was told that his
brother should see the article returned.
' After he had come home and gone to
bed, he inquired, and found that the
tool had not been sent to its owner.
He was much distressed to think his
promise had not been kept, but was
persuaded to go to sleep, and rise early
and carry it home the next morning.
By daylight he was up, and nowhere
was the tool to be found. After a long
and fruitless search, he set off for his
neighbor's in great distress, to acknowl
edge his fault. But how great was his
surprise to find the tool on his neigh
bor's door-stood ! And then it appeared
from the print of his little bare feet in
th mud. that the lad had trot up in his
sleep and carried the tool home, and
o-one to bed apain, without knowing it.
Of course a boy who was prompt in
bin sleep was prompt when awake. He
lived respected, had the confidence of
his neighbors, and was placed in many
offices of trust and profit.
If all grown folk felt as this boy did,
the top of the shoulder to prevent his
bleeding to death.
To take exercise, or walk for the
health, when every step is a drag, and
instinct urges repose.
To guzzle down a glass of cold water,
on getting up in the morning, without
any feeling of thirst, nnder the impres
sion of the health-giving nature of its
To sit down at the table and " force "
yourself to eat, when there is not only
no appetite, but a decided aversion to
To take a glass of soda, or toddy, or
sangaree, or mint drops on a summer
day, under the belief that it is safer
and better than a glass ot water.
To persuade yourself that you are
destroying one unpleasant odor by in
troducing a stronger one ; that is, to
sweeten your unwashed garments and
person by enveloping yourself in the
fumes of musk, eau de cologne, or rose
water ; the best perfume being a clean
skin and well-washed clothing.
A big dog went into a clothing store
with his master yesterday, and while
skulking around under the counters he
came upon the full-length mirror before
which customers stand to see the fit of
a coat. The dog observed another dog
in the glass and be uttered a warning
growl and showed his teeth. Two or
three clerks saw a chance for fun, and
they slid around and in whispering
words encouraged the dog to sail in and
clean out the intruder. He hesitated a
little, and one of the clerks poked him
up by throwing a box of paper collars.
That was enough. The dog thought
the dog in the glass had made a pass at
him, and he opened his month, made a
dive and the glass was cracked in
twenty directions. There was a good
deal of laughing among three or four
clerks until they figured up and found
that each one's share would come to
about two weeks' work. Detroit Free
The Turkey Did It.
To say that a gentleman looks like a
stuck pig, or a dying duck in a thunder
storm, or a cat in a strange garret, Is
not, perhaps, a very elegant way of ex
pressing yourself ; but when a young
gentleman is deficient in the organs of
self-esteem, hope, and language, and
finds himself overwhelmed with emo
tion, these homely phrases convey a bet
ter idea of his general appearance and
bearing than lies in the. power of more
Mr. Carroll Boosterlonger did not
Iook precisely like a stuck pig, for he
was a good-looking fellow, nor like a
dying duck, nor like a cat in a strange
garret ; but if you will mix them all to
gether, and add a mild flavor of insani
ty, with just the faintest suggestion of
the deaf and dumb '.asylum, you will
have a tolerably fair idea of his expres
sion, his mise-en-scene (if the phrase is
not preposterous, as we fear it is,)
whenever he found himself in the
presence of a certain supernatural be
ing, who, for some good and wise pur
pose, no doubt, was living on this earth
with her uncle in New Jersy.
It does n-t matter much what the
color of a woman's eyes may be, nor
what -the color of her hair, the shape of
her nose, nor the size of her month,
provided she has white teeth and a
clear complexion the angels have not
all straight noses, and Cupid will kill a
man with a couple of green eyes just as
easily as with a pair as black as bullets
and as big as plums.
Why, ive ourself, the historian, have
walked off a Fulton Ferry boat with a
broken heart at the transient glimpse of
an edition of Paradise Mislaid, in blue
and gold, and, returning on the same
boat, stepped off the other end in a
state of despair over hair and eyes as
black as midnight thunder-clouds.
So it does not matter much about
complex'on. But merely as a fact we
may state that the being of whom we
are speaking had well developed, brown
eyes, tawny hair, with a slight metallic
lustre, a mouth that looked like a rasp
berry stain, a nose that the Irish poet
describes as sublime, and a lot of white
Mr. Carroll Boosterlonger was in the
habit of revolving round this heavenly
body in silent, tedious adoration.
His brain was seething with sublime
thoughts, his heart bursting with emo
tions ; but his tongue would utter no
sound, save to express the most trivial
and commonplace ideas.
He was suffering from a kind of spir
itual nightmare, and would have blesped,
thrice blessed, any person who would
have aroused him.
It was the night before Thanksgiv
ing, and Mr. Boosterlonger was hover
ing round the celestial was calling on
Miss Jones, as usual. The family were
seated round the room variously occu
pied, when Johnny Jones, a boy of con
siderable vivacity, entered the room,
and walked at once up to his grand
father, who, though he was reading the
newspaper, was asked whether he would
like to see a turkey.
The old gentleman had seen a good
many turkeys in his time, and did not
feel any pressing necessity at the
isoment to witness the exhibition John
ny suggested, andfo he said. But then
Johnnv wanted to know whether he
would like to see a great big turkey
tha weighed over hfty pounds.
The old gentleman would not commit
himself old gentlemen don t like, and
very properly, too, to commit them
selves by assenting to propositions.
Then Johnny asked his sisters, who
gave evasive answers, and then he asked
his aunt, the celestial one, and she
pooh-poohed the idea, to which Johnny
retorted that she no doubt preferred a
hundred-pound goose, and then burst
into a rude laugh.
Mr. Boosterlonger felt that here was
a sarcasm leveled at him, and he burst
into a cold sweat.
Now, although no one, save his
grandmother, had betrayed an interest
in Johnny's turkey, Johnny said he
would go out and get it.
He was gone a long time, and every
one had forgotten all about his proposi
tion save Mr. Boosterlonger, who sat si
lent, cataleptic, and perspiring, brood
ing over the carcass of the goose, when
the door was flung suddenly wide open,
and a curious Bhuffling was heard on the
floor, accompanied by the peculiar gob
ble. aobble of a turkey.
Every one jumped up and stood
amazed at the spectacle of a most ex
traordinary bird slowly strutting into
It looked more Uke a turkey, perhaps,
than any other domestic fowl, but less
like a turkey than any turkey ever
It was a long-backed, trailing,
wretched, unnatural creature, with a
most unhealthy chuckle a very night
mare of a bird such a creature as
mitrht appear to the jruilty conscience
of some wretch who had stolen his
Thanksgiving dinner !
But. oh ! what a blessing was that
horrid bird to poor Boosterlonger ! for
when the celestial Miss Jones saw the
inscrutable thing, she gave one shrill
cry and fainted ; then Boosterlonger
caught her in his arms, bore her to the
sofa, sprinkled her with water, and 10 !
the waters of his eloquence were loosed.
He called her by endearing names, en
treated her not to die, and poured out
the pent-up torrent of his love.
She slowly revived, heard the "ardent,
eloquent words lavished on her Without
stint. She pressed his hand, rested
her head on his shoulder, and sobbed :
" Oh, dearest Carroll ! "
It was all right now! The turkey
had done it ! No cards.
P. S. Yes, but how about that
strange bird, the abominable turky ?
Well, yes, we had well-nigh forgotten
that. The turkey was composed of a
nucleus of Johnny, covered with a gray
shawl, on which were fastened, in their
appropriate places, the head, claws and
wisgs of the real, bona fide turkey,
which cook, in the kitchen, was pre
paring for the Jones' Thanksgiving din
ner, P. P. S. Carroll Boosterlonger and
the heavenly body partook heartily of
N. B. Johnny had the merry
thought, or wishiDg-bone, or whatever
you call it.
How Timber May be Multiplied.
One of our exchanges has the follow
ing to say in reference to this important
Much has been written about raising
timber, but all the light that can be
shed upon the subject by all the arbori
culturists in the land will not be amiss.
There is no want in the not distant fu
ture which has so forbidding a look as
the increasing scarcity of timber. Our
forests are not producing one-twentieth
of the supply we are annually consum
ing or are destroying. More attention
should be given to its propagation and
preservation. It was said by some
philosopher that he who makes two
blades of grass- grow where but one
grew before is a benefactor to his race.
If this be true, and none will dispute
it, how much more credit is due him
who makes a landmark by the cultiva
tion of trees ? Reference to this sub
ject brings back to our recollection a
suggestion we saw some time ago in
regard to a simple mode by which tim
ber may be increased on those tracts
of land upon which it is being cut away.
It is as follows : Plant the ground in
the fall with acorns, black and white
walnuts, butternuts, the seeds of the
ash, etc. The nuts should be covered
lightly with the soil and decaying
leaves, so that boys and squirrels can
not find them. They will come up in
the spring, and if cattle are kept out of
the woods as they should be by all
who would preserve the young trees
they will make a rapid growth under
the immediate superintendence of Dame
Nature herself, who has been pretty
successfully engaged in the business of
tree culture, more or less, ever since
the Silurian age. in the same way
cuttings may be put out in the timber
in the spring. The mulching of the
ground by the falling of the autumn
leaves is the best dressing that can be
put around such young trees, which, in
a year or so, will surprise you with
their rapid growth. We would discour
age no one who can do so from
planting out groves on the prairies,
which is one of the best works a farmer
can do ; but these hints carried out
will enable many to utilize places now
going to waste, and get a good return
for their efforts.
Hydrate or Chloral.
At the recftit meeting of the Chicago
Academy of Sciences, Prof. Delafon-
taine? read a paper upon the action and
effect of hydrate of chloral, tie said it
was discovered to produce sleep in
1869, and had been lately used as a
medicine. It was first thought to act
similarly to chloroform. It was de
composed by alkali into a formation,
and this process li9 thought took place
in the blood. He did not think the ac
tion was the same as that of chloro
form. Experiments recently made in
France had proven that in cases where
chloral was used, the blood discs were
not coagulated but shriveled. He and
Dr. Simeon had poisoned a rabbit with
100 grains of chloral administered hy
podermically in four doses. The effect
was noted within one hour, when it
commenced to lick the wall as though
wanting to get water. Then it laid
down, became sluggish, slept, and later
died. The post mortem appearances
were those of asphyxia ; the lungs were
red, the heart empty, and the blood was
clotted as in asphyxia. A cat was
treated in the same way, and the blood
drawn from the skin ; it did not coagu
late, and the discs fell to the bottom.
He thought that the mode of action of
chloral was by means of poison 01 car
bolic oxide, which is one of the most
poisonous of substances. Carbonic
oxide kills by incapacitating the blood
corpuscles from being in the body car
riers of oxygen.
Shall John Chinaman Vote f
The question now is, shall John
Chinaman vote ? It has been discov
ered in San Francisco that the revised
statutes of the late Congress have au
thorized the naturalization of the Chi
nese and any other of the adult males of
the yellow races. The old law of 1802
declares that " any alien being a iree
white person," may be admitted to be
come a citizen, etc. In 1870 the pro
vision was extended to cover aliens 01
African nativity and persons of African
descent." The revision uses the words
of the law of 1802, omitting " being a
free white person," and inserts the law
of 1870 about Africans. It is claimed
that the law, as now standing, breaks
down all barriers of race or descent
which California has hitherto success
What a Dog Did.
An English paper has the following
A striking exemplification of the saga
city of a shepherd's dog has just come
under notice on the farm of Uigham,
near Newburgh, in k if es hire. The dog
belongs to Mr. John Ballmgall. The
shepherd on the farm happened to lose
a pound note, and after many hours'
fruitless search for the banknote it was
given up as lost. A collie pup, only
four months old, made its appearance m
the field where it was supposed the note
had been lost, and with much impor
tunity endeavored to make himself
noticeable. 1 he shepherd could not be
bothered with its caressmgs, so grieved
was he at his loss. After being ordered
off some half-dozen times, the dog even
tually stood up on its hind-legs, opened
its mouth, and there was the note,
folded just as it was when it went-a-missing
! With much wagging of its
tail, the animal laid the note at the
shepherd's feet. The animal was once
a despised one, but now it is a house
A well-known and popular preacher
nas put to press a book with a sensa
tional title. He made a point with the
publisher that his own parish should
have the first chance in buying the
book. He had over 2,000 hearers, he
said, and each one would want a copy.
An edition of 2,000 must be published
before the book was thrown on the
market. The publisher not only agreed
to tms, out witnneid tne book from
the stores, and sent on a special agent
to supply the ravenous appetite of the
congregation. The book arrived.
Public notice was given from the pul
pit. But there was no rush. The
rooms rented and the salary and board
of the agent cost something. At the
expiration of two months business was
closed up. The sale of books did not
reach the number of fifty. The pub
lisher said that the congregation ex
pected that each one of them would re
ceive a " presentation copy " from the
pastor. Boston Advertiser.
Breathing Through the Nose.
The pernicious habit of breathing
tnrougn tne mourn, wniie sleeping or
waking, is very hurtful. There are
many persons who sleep with the month
open, and do not know it. They may
go to sieep wren it closed, and wake
with it closed ; but if the mouth is dry
and parched on waking it is a sign that
the month has been open c unng sleep.
Snoring is a certain sign. This habit
should be overcome. At all times, ex
cept when eating, drinking or speaking,
keep the mouth firmly closed and
breathe through the nostrils, and retire
with a firm determination to conquer.
The nostrils are the proper breathing
apparatus not the mouth. A man may
inhale poisonous gases through the
mouth without being aware of it, but
not through the nose. Science 0
'Mr. Jonson's Tin Wedding.
Jtfr. Jonson, of the Sixth Ward, had
a tin wedding Thursday night. It was
the first tin wedding he ever had, and
; twill probably be the last, as circum
stances over which he had no control
rendered the affair not altogether har
monious. He did not issue any special
invitations, but informed his friends
that the wedding was to come off, and
he hinted that he didn't care how many
of them dropped in on him, so that
they brought a little reminder. Soon
after 7 o'clock his friends began to ar
rive. One man marched in with a tin
pail, a woman came with a rattle-box,
and before 8 o'clock the large table set
out for the display of presents con
tained one horn, two pails, three rattie
boxes, four or five pint cups, several
tin whistles and about twenty tin
pepper-boxes. The presents stopped
coming at 8, but the crowd didn't.
They filed in until the Jonson mansion
couldn't hold any more, and then they
sat in the windows, on the front steps
and hung to the gate. All went merry
as a marriage bell until Mrs. Jonson
got ready to pass around the provisions,
when a Mrs. Simpson threw one of the
pepp6r-boxes and hit Mr. John Graner
in the stomach. Mr. Graner retaliated
by throwing a hunk of cake at the first
bald-head he saw, and' then everybody
began to shout and throw things. Mr.
Jonson got upon a chair and said :
" Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me
pleasure to ," when a fried cake
collided with his nose and he sat down.
The tin pails and cups described grace
ful curves as they flew through the air,
and hunks of pumpkin pie flashed like
meteors for a moment and then went
"pat" against some one's head. In
their enthusiasm men got each other
down and clawed and kicked, and
women, with their eyes full of crumbs,
reached out and gathered in handsful
of hair. Mr. Jonson tried to raise the
gentle voice ot remonstrance, and some
one stopped it with a flower vase, and
then nearly tore his ear off. The sofa
was overturned, the chairs piled, the
lamps smashed, and then the warm
hearted friends of Mr. and Mrs. Jonson
filed out and called back that they hoped
the couple would live to hold a hundred
tin weddings before they died. De
troit Free Press.
A Gentlemanly Baker's Dozen.
1. The gentleman who sponges on
his friends until he gets money or em
ployment, and then looks for fresh and
more fashionable acquaintances.
2. The same gentleman when he is
connected with journalism, and thinks
it his duty to abuse those who fed him.
.5. The gentleman who sneers at every
thing he doesn't understand, and who
has lots of work cut out for him.
4. The gentleman who is not ashamed
or afraid to wear one shirt for a month.
but who considers himself insulted and
his honor at stake when dirty linen is
5. The gentleman who isn't above
begging dollars when he can get them,
and doesn t despise sixpences ; but
who feels outraged whenever profes
sional borrowing is talked about in his
b. The gentleman whose wife goes
shabby, and whose children look upon
bread and butter as a luxury and new
boots with wonder ; but who is regarded
at- tavern bars and clubs as one of the
best fellows in the world.
7. The gentleman who despises peo
ple who were " brought up " at hard
work : and forgets or tries to forget
the time when he was " brought up "
by a policeman. And what was worse,
taken away again.
o. The gentleman who objects to tne
society of tradesmen when he can t
borrow any more money of them.
9. The gentleman who knows every
thing and has been everywhere, but
who has never been away from South
street and the purlieus thereof.
10. The gentleman who writes smart
things, and says that editors are afraid
to put them in their papers.
11. The gentleman who repeats other
people's jokes as his own, and speaks of
the original jokers as duoers.
12. The gentleman who has always
an onensive story to ten aoout some
one, generally about a woman who has
no able-bodied husband or orotner to
13. The gentleman who will recog
nize everybody but himself m this list.
JEW AND JOBS.
It really doa't seem long a(?o.
Since you were Jen and I was Joe,
But forty years have passed and gone,
Since we commenced to trudge along-
Yes. forty years of wedded life,
Since you became my happy wife ;
But now they call me Uncle Joe,
And you have changed to Aunt Jennettep.
But still I never will forget
When you were belle and I was bean.
Ab, yes, it's very long ago,
Since our young love commenced to grow
And o'er our heads the years have rolled
a nd people call us rather old ;
I'm sure it don't seem bo to me.
You're sixty-one, I'm sixty-three
It really dont seem if 'twas so.
But when the children pass us by
They always say 'bout you and I,
There's Aunt Jennette and Uncle Joe!
Ah, well, God will soon call us home,
And then in heaven we shall roam.
And wife, perhaps it will be so,
You'll look like Jen, I'll look like Joe.
Then we'll commence our love once more,
As happy as in days of yore,
For those were happy days yon know
And sweet and joyful it will be.
To Jive throughout eternity,
As bonnie Jen and loving Joe.
As txtraord inarv bov-bahv hnn bon
on exhibition in Glasgow, Ky. Though
only three yars of age he weighs 126
pounds, tie was six months old before
he began to develop into his present
enormous proportions. tie measures
37 inches around the chest, 40 inches
around the waist, about 56 inches
around the hips, 26 inches around the
thigh, and is 40 inches in height. His
father and mother, named Chambers,
are apont the medium size.
A Place for Old Hats.
We find the following story in the
London A cademy :
The group of Islands known as the
Nicobars, situated about 150 miles south
of the Andamans, has been but little ex
plored, though the manners and cus
toms of the inhabitants of these islands
offer interesting peculiarities. One of
the most noticeable, and one which se
riously affects the trade of the islands,
is the passion for old hats, which per
vades the whole framework of society.
No one is exempt, and young and old
endeavor to outvie each other in the
singularity of shape no less than in the
number of old hats they can acquire
during a lifetime. On a fine morning
at the Nicobars it is no unusual thing to
see the surface of the ocean in the vicin
ity of the island dotted with canoes, in
each of which the noble savage, with
nothing whatever on but the conven
tional slip of cloth and a tall, white hat
with black band, may be watched stand
ing up and catching fish for his daily
meal. Second-handed hats are more in
request, new hats being looked upon
with suspicion and disfavor. The pas
sion is so well known that traders from
Calcutta make annual excursions to the
Nicobars with cargoes of old hats,
which they barter for cocoanute, the
only product of the island, a good, tall
white hat with a black band, fetching
him forty-five to sixty-five good cocoa
nuts. Intense excitement pervades the
island while the trade is going on.
When the hats or the cocoanute have
com to an end, the trader generally
lands a cask or two of rum, and the
whole population in their hats get
drunk without intermission until the
rum also comes to an end. It is curious
that in those far-away regions so profit
able a market should be found for cast
off specimens of one of the most dis-
agreeable symbols 01 civilization.
The same yearnings alter oetter tnings
in a more aavancea stage may ue 00-
served in Madagascar, where no official
is content if he cannot deck himself out
in the plumage of some long defunct
Admiral, General or Ambassador.
The Cab-Dbivkb's Revenge. His
tiniritier in the Paris list of drivers was
13.022. He had seen better days, but
now he drove a cab. He was sent, with
others, to carry a wedding party irom
the church to a wedding oreaKiasi. in
hit cab were placed the bridegroom and
the bride. He recognized in the bride
groom a man who had once put him m
prison lor ueoi. ouce lairiy 011 me
way, he whipped up and drove away
from the other cabs and landed the
bride and bridegroom, badly damaged,
after an hour's hard drive, in a deso
late rural district on the wrong road.
They got home at midnight. It was an
Pith and Point.
An unsatisfactory meal A domestio
The man who works a will The Pro
" Yeb Biverenee is like a mile-post,"
said an old, grumbling Wicklow peas
ant, " for ye always points to a roads ye
A stbong-abjted American tooth-extractor
has just opened his tool-chest in
Rome. Persons who have seen him go
through the motions think that he is
destined to make " Rome howl."
Mr. Bebgh's attention is called to the
fact that a number of women place
their furs away in snuff during the
summer. Hundreds of moths have
sneezed their heads off in consequence.
There is one thing no true Southern
young lady will do and that is, marry
a young Northerner, no matter how
handsome, respectable, or desirable
before he asks her. Richmond (Va.)
French politeness at the benefit of
Mdlle. Dejazet. " What age is she ? "
said a republican, " she looks still so
young." "Citizen," responded the
person addressed, "In a "little while
she will be twenty for the fourth
A newly-mabried couple in Connecti
cut recently started out on the wedding
tour accompanied by a small-sized 2-
year-old infant, which they had hired
tor the purpose of deluding the publio
into the belief that they were old
The French keep up their little jokes :
' An Alsatian woman goes to confess :
Father, I have committed a great sin.
Well ! ' 'I dare not say it ; it is too
grevious. Come, come, courage. ' 1
have married a Prussian.' Keep him.
my daughter. That's your penance.' "
The Rochester Union says " Giltv."
"guiltey," "giltey" and "jilty" were
written on a majority of the ballots
used in the jury-room in a recent crim
inal case tried by the Monroe County
sessions, xt is sad that a man should
be convicted in a court of justice on
A St. Louis woman, separated from
her husband, recently cent him a lonar
list of propositions, upon his accept
ance of which she would live with him
again. Woman-like she indicated the
only real cause of difference in a post
script, as follows : " Your mother
must leave the house at once and for
ever." The Lewiston (Me.) Journal says :
"An elderly gentleman recently en
tered a boot and shoe store in Lewis
tin, and purchased a pair of number
twelve boots. He remarked that he
had had his old ones eighteen years.
On being asked how he had managed
to make a pair of calf boots wear so
long, he replied that he had always
aept a nor se.
A man was describing to Douglas
Jerrold the story of his courtship and
marriage how his wife had been
brought up in a convent, and was on the
point of taking the veil, when his pres
ence burst on her enraptured sight,
and she accepted birn as her husband.
Jerrold listened to the end of the story,
and then remarked: "She simply
thought you better than nun."
Black-and tans have gone out of
fashion, bless 'em ! Tiny bull dogs,
just as small as nature will allow, now
accompany French ladies on the prom
enade, and sit on the carriage seat.
The uglier the better, as the morose
expression of their pup features is a
great requisite in their selection. Even
the parasols, buttons on one's gar
ments, and trinkets by the score, are
adorned with the bull-dog's head ; and,
a sure sign of a lady's visit to Paris this
summer, is the canine phiz that makes
the knob of her umbrella.
Strange Mental Phenomena.
The following story, told by a Cali
fornia paper of Mr. O. H. Burnham,
of Oakland, illustrates one 01 those
strange mental phenomena which have
so long puzzled tne scholars of the
world : One morning, a few weeks
ago, Mr. Burnham visited San Fran
cisco, crossing over in the 9 a. m. train,
and returning at noon For the rest
of the day he was actively engaged in
business, and at 6 p. m. , during the
prevalence of a thunder, lightning and
rain storm, he drove to the depot to
meet some ladies. Ab they did not
arrive he returned to the station at
half-past 6, at which time his horse
took fright, and he was dashed against
a tree and rendered senseless. Now
comes the singular part of the story.
On returning to consciousness it was
found that not only was he unaware of
the accident, but that he had no recol
lection of anything which had occurred
after 9 o'clock a. m. He remembered
starting for San Francisco and being on
board the boat nothing more. He
knew nothing of returning ; nothing of
transacting business in Oakland during
the afternoon ; nothing of going to meet
the ladies ; and had no knowledge
whatever of the occurrence of the tre
mendous thunder storm. Loss of con
sciousness apparently had antedated
the accident about nine hours.
Need of Compulsory Education.
The medical officer to the general post
office at London mournfully concludes
his report on the candidates for minor
appointments in that department daring
ww F jrcar wim a gasp OI longing
for compulsory education. These can
didates were obliged to make written
statement as to the medical histories of
themselves and their families, and
these are some of their sad but interest
ing expressions : "Father had a sun
stroke, and I caught it of him ;" " My
little brother died of some funnv
name;" "A great white cat drawed my
sister's breath aid she died of it
" Apperplexity ;" " Parasles ;" " Bur
ralger in the head ;" " Bummitanio
pains ;" " Shortness of breath ;" " Id
digestion of the lungs ;" " Toncertina
in the throat;" "Pistoles u the