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About The Albany register. (Albany, Or.) 1868-18?? | View Entire Issue (June 13, 1873)
L P Fiaher VOLUMK V. ALBANY, OREGON. JUNE 13, 1873. NO- 41. The Rnllroad Hotf. "This is taken, sir." Afl person who have traveled to any consider ble extent are familiar with this formula. It tells the story of the railroad hog the small-souled, mean, selfish brute who pays grudg ingly for one seat and strains his Miiail wit to hold two. This par ticular hog wore a plug hat shiny with the genuine Boston gloss, an enameled shirt and closely-cropped iron grey lieard. 1 know his kind, lie is an eminently respectable beast who always pays his debts promptly, takes an interest in Sunday Schools, administrates his deceased brother's children of their patrimony, is presi dent of joint stock computes and has biographical eulogies published in the newspapers when he kicks the bucket. I knew the lug lied when he said, "This seat is taken, sir," but I found one that was not taken, sir, and watched him to see how many times he would reproduce the falsehood. The coach was rather full and would you believe it, that misera ble hog told sixteen separate and distinct lies in order to gratify his mean selfishness. Enough to sink a healthier soul to perdition. He varied the formula; one time it was a wive of the hand and a look to the rear of the car to indicate that the holder of the seat had gone for a drink of water and would be back soon. Another time, to the inquiry it a mild mannered and timid ques tioner lie replied by a stolid stare, and then spreading himslf a little wider, he resumed the perusual of his newspaper. I was tempted to crawl up behind him and hiss into his ear, " You are fl.ii awful liar." Hut I had nry re venge. A big red faced two hun dred pounder, in a dirty linen coat, came in at a way station. He was sweaty to a fearful degree. His feet smelt like valerinate of ammonia and rotten fish, and his breath was a hot, stiiikinu sirocco, based on bad whiskey and onions. This fiery and fragrant behemoth preferred to set tle himself in the seat that was taken. " This seat is V began the hog. ' Well, 1 guess I'll take it till the other lellow comes," re turned the sweetsiue ling heavy weight, and down he plumped, partial crushing the hog in fiis descent. The latter frowned and be gan to bluster, but the red faced ruffian soon took that out of him with a threat to swallow him whole chaw him up and spit him out to pitch him out of the window to go through him like a dose of salts, and to make various other disposi tions of him in case he didn't sim mer down. Our porcine friend sim- mered,and then the harbariaau grew good-humored lie told funny an ecdotes, and poked the hog ill tite ribs, lie wanted to know where lie came from and where he was going. He spat quarts of tobacco juice across him out ot the window, aPatterifig his shirt front, between ,is boots, and all round He olter liirn a chew every time he took out h's plug ol navy. The hog perspir ed freely, &"d shiverd with disgust, l inally he crawled out and stood up for forty miles until another seat was vacated. The Kitchburg, Mass., Sentinel, an excellent paper, is going to start a daily. We are glad of it. We r-tarted a daily once. We ran it nearly tour months, and then paus ec Since then we take a lively in terest in such enterprises. We have no doubt the Sentinel people will make the daily work, and we are quite positive it will make them work. A man who goes through life without having started a daily paper misses a rare and valuable exierienoe. Falling down stairs with a cook-stove will hardly com pensate hvaLDaidmry News. Sired Life In Bimbory. Old Mr Watson, on Nelson street has got a nice little bill to pay. He sent a man down town tor a pot of paint aud a ladder The man got the paint an then went to a lumber yard after a ladder. Then he tied the paint pot on the end of the ladder, and put the lad on his shoulder. Thw was a very smart arrangement, and the man himself admired it very much, lie started for home )m way, and didn't find a y trouble in getting along the first block, because peo pie had an impression that a long ladder with a pot of yellow paint dangling on the end of it wasn't ex actly the thing to tune with, so they balanced along on the curb stone, or rubbed up against the buildings. Pretty soon the man saw somebody in a store he knew, aud he turned around to speak to him, aud drove one end of the lad der into a millinery case and knock ed the crown out of an $18 bonnet. Then he backed off in affright, and knocked down two sewing machine agents with the other end Then he started to turn annual, an old gentleman who was desperately en deavoring to pull his wife out of danger, saw the peril, and shouted out, "Hi, there!" but it was too late. The pot struck against Mi awning post, tipped to one side, aud the en tire contents went over the aged couple. This so startled the man that he whirled completely around smashing in an entire storefront, frightening a milkman's team and knocking over some thirteen persons who were actively dodging about to get out of the way. i'heu he dropped the ladder and tied into the country, shouting "murder" and fire at every jump. A regular ordained painter is now engaged on Mr. Watson's house. The Tautology of Legal Jar. OOJf. Some idea of the tautology of legal firm u lie may be gathered from the following specimen, where in, if a man wishes to give another an orange, instead of saying, "I give you that orange," he must set forth his "act and deed" thus : "I give you all and singular, my estate anil interest, rig'.t, title, and claim, aud advantage of in aud to that orange, with all its rindi skin, juice, pulp, aud pips, aud all right and advantages therein, with full power to bite, cut, suck, or otherwise eat the same orange, or give the same away, with or without itsrii d,skin, juice, pulp, and pips, anything heretofore or hereinafter, or in any other deed or deeds, instrument, in strument of whatever kind or na ture sover, to the contrary in any wise notwithstanding." The Skorbt of Emmjutskck. I owe my success in life to one fact, namely: At theageot twenty-seven I commenced and continued for years, the process of dai y reading and speaking upon the contents of some historical or scientific book. These off-hand efforts were made sometimes in a cornfield, at others in the forest, aud not unfrequemVy in some distant barn, with the horse and ox tor my auditors. It is to this early praetve hi the great art of arts that 1 am indebted for the primary anil leading impulse that stimulated me fbrwar and shaped and moulded ray entire subsequent destiny Improve then, young gen tlemen, the surperior . advantages you here enjoy. Let no day pass without exercising your power of speech, lhere is no power like oratory. C'assar controlled men oy exciting their tears, Cicero, by1 cap tivating their effections, and sway ing their passions. The influence oi the one perishes with the author; that of the other continues to this day. Henry Clay. Mfcl BrtffhtAt Hour. Not long since I met a gentle man who is assessed tor more than a million Silvered was his hair, care upon nis brow, and he stoop ed beneath his burden of wealth. We were speaking of that period when we had realized the most per- j tect enjoyment, or, rather, when we had found the happiness nearest to being unalloyed. "I'll tell yon,'' said the millionaire, when was the happiest hour of my lite. At the age of one and twenty I had saved $86. I was earning $500 a year, and my father did not take it from me, only requiring that I should pay for my board. At the age of twenty one I had secured a pretty cottage just outside of the city. I was able to pay two-thirds of the value down and also to furnish it respectably. I was married on Sun daya Sunday, in June at ray father's house. My wife had come to me poor in purse, but rich in the wealth ot her womanhood. 1 he Sabbath aud the Sabbaih night we passed beneath my father's roof, and on Monday morning I was to work, leaving my mother and sister to help in preparing my home. On Monday evening, whe" the labors of the day were done, I went not to my parental shelter as in the past but to my own house my own house The holy atmosphere of that hour seems to surround me even now in the memory. I open ed the door of my cottage and enter ed I laid ray hat n the little sta id in the hall and passed on to the kitchen our kitchen and din iugroom were both one then. I pushed open the room door and was in heaven. The table was against the wall. The evening meal was ready prepared by the hand of her who had come to be my help meet in deed as well as in name and by the table, with a throbbing expectant look upon her face, stood ray wife. I tried to speak and could not. I could only clasp the wait ing angel to my bosom, thus show ing to her the elastic burden of my heart. The years have passed long, long years and worldly wealth has flowed in upon me and, I am honored and envied, but as true as heaven, I won d give it all every dollar for the joy of that June evening, long ago Sick headache almost always de pends upon an ill condition of the stomach from over-eating, and may be promptly relieved by drinking a teacuptul of water, a little warm, every five minutes, until the stom ach is so full that a feather or fin ger in the throat will give an effect ual discharge of all the stomach con tains. If it is simply a nervous af fection, sit in hot water for fifteen minutes; the good effects are some times increased if some carbonate of soda is put in the water, oue ounce to two gallons. The philosophy of the action of the water is that it draws the excess of blood, which oppresses the interior organs, to the mvfws.lMPsJournaloj Health. Indianapolis police officers find pistols in the street and then the Indianapolis Journal advertises the fact, at the same time making the statement i:i regard to the weapon that "any one claiming it will lie prosecuted tor carrying concealed weupous." Ot course no one in quires for the pistol under such circumstances, and so the officer sells it, and then goes off and gets drunk on the proceeds with the Journal man. A Vienna actress, deciding to break a marriage engagement at the very last moment, sent the pro. tessional excuse, "Fraulein Gal meyer is unfortunately hoarse, and cannot attend the ceremony." runny. It. W. Leach, late of Jackson ville. 111., has lately started a paper in Central City., Colorado, which has, among other spicy things, the following: WARNING. The writing editor of the CwcA carries his office in his hat, and will always be found at home. The fighting editor has none on the docks, but the Cardiff Giant takes his place and will be around every Saturday evening to settle all difficulties. The financial editor, who went to Vienna, has resigned. B Erlan ger will sett'e the bills of all those who can find him. OUR PRIVCIPr.ES. The Coach has neither politics nor religion. The driver will crack his whip over whoever he pleases. The Coach has neither money nor credit, and doesn't need any. We have no list of exchanges, and don't expect any. If any one says anything mean about us, we desire a copy. If anything good, they can keep it to themselves. Our stock of modesty is ban ly sufficient for our own use. We have none to sell, and don't know any one in these parts that wants to buy any. RRS0LUTI0N8. Resolved: That quotation marks are a nuis ance That we don't know auything about grammar. That we can't spell, and don't want to learn. That we never saw a Rhetoric That we won't do anything for nothing. We will never go back on a friend or let up on an enemy. A Doo Worth Something. The following is from the Portland (Me.) Press: A. B. Newman, assistant liffht keeper at Mt. Desert, Is the owner of a Hue Newfoundland dog, or whom we are told the following anecdote: on Sunday, the 15th ult., Mr. Newman's little boy, fifteen years old, strayed away and was missing for iibout two hours, me mother went out ot doors and called to him. when the dog. response, ran up from the shore with the boy's wet cap in hi mouth, and signified bv his actions i It'll he desired her to follow him. The mothei. alarmed called the father, who was sleeping in the house, and they follow- eil the dog as quickly as possible. Down by the shore on a rock, the little boy was lying insensible, his clothes wet, as if he had been dragged from the water. After long efforts, in whieli the dog rendered all the assist ance he could in his way. the boy was resuscitated, aud afterward told his story. He was on ti e beach gathering shells when a large wave came in aud carried him off in the undertow. The dog jumped in after him. but the wave prevented him from reaching the boy for some minutes. He seized him by the leg of his trowsers and tried to drug him ashore, but the cloth tore in his teeth, and the boy said hi had an indistinct recollection of the Hog eoni Ing (town below the surface for him again, anil that was the last thing he was conscious of. It seems the dog had dragged the child upon the rock out of the reach of the high waves, and had tried to restore him. When he heard the mother's call lie took the cup to inform her, as well as he could of the accident, aud hast en assistance. To settle a bet a petition was re cently presented to a worthy citizen ot Detroit, Mich., prayin for the abo lition ot the fire and police depart ments and his own. execution. He glanced at the first few lines and "chalked" down his name. An ludiana lawyer lately defend ed a man for keeping his saloon open after ten o'clock at night. 1 le made the plea that it was ten un til it was eleven, and won his case. A Southern paper says that liar to county has turned out eighteen ministers since the war. It doesn't state what they werer turned out for. PACIFIC coast nkws. Matches and powder in the pocket of a little son of Rev. A. Myers, of Salem.engage in firing a small cannon, caused a painful accident to him last week. The latter was exploded by the former, tearing the boys clothes, setting his shirt on Are, burning his neck, breast and face in a horrible manner, says the Statesman. A few days after the little fetrow ventured out doors, taking cold and making matters worse, but he was getting well slowly at last accounts. A crusning impression was made on the finger of"ye local" ot the Eugene City Hawk-Eye last week, by a Gordon job press. We condole that digit. The Uawk-Eye says it "has plenty of steam for a year's Voyage," and will sail whether it finds a "breeze" or not. Isn't that breezy talk! Judge O. N. Denny presented the Canby Post, 6. A. It., with an elegant Mihle on last Thursday evening, says the Oregonian. George Wells, a Grandy county farmer of Iowa, last year raised 39,000 bushels of wheat, 65.000 bushels of corn, and 12.000 buslieta of barley. Exceedingly well for Mr. Wells. Troy weight A baby of one pound six ounces born there last week. Tlie Britisli National Debt is $3,929, 000.000. Ours is $2,153,489,155. If Johnv can stand hls'n ought'n we to stand ourn! The Shalt of Persia has set apart a fluid of Ave millions sterling for his European tour. Three of his wives and all of his Cabinet will go with him. The fishermen of Massachusetts are said to be a fine-looking, vigor ous set of men, and are regarded as the healthiest class. Their diet, while at work, is composed of fish, pork, potatoes and hard bread, with occasionally a little fresh meat Persons in bad health from indiges tion experience great benefit by taking an amateur fishing voyage. A Summer excursion of three mouths, to Polynesia, including the Sandwich, Fiji and Friendly Isl- amis, is being arranged for in San Francisco The number of excur sionists will be limited to seventy, and the round trip will cost $500 in gold. A new theory to account for the existence of prairies is that the young Indian bucks had pocket knives, and they killed the trees that "use to was" by cutting the names of their "dusky maidens" on the bark. We see that the San Francisco Alia is in favor of Attorney Gen eral Williams for the position of Chief Justice of the United States. No better selection can be made. The Statesman "goes for" the "infernal predatory" cow brutes that ravage the garden sass and so on of that scrumptious city. It wants the city dads to "pound" em. One way of showing self-conceit is to speak disparagingly ot ones ability, disclaiming to possess any of it. Ad Olympia editor fingers on that string. A boy about ten years old, ragged ami almost barefooted, dropped into the Central station at Detroit, and one of the men asked him where his father was. "Dead." replied the lad. " Where is your mother?" "Run away," was the answer. ficer; "I should think you would feel pretty lonesome." "Not a bit of it,'' exclaimed the boy, bright ening up; "there's going to be the biggest circus here next month you ever set your eyes on!M