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About The Hillsboro argus. (Hillsboro, Or.) 1895-current | View Entire Issue (June 13, 1901)
I QgilHOIiSE TDjpALAGE 1 I BrnrjjHO if , CHAPTER X. It ni begiaaing to be daylight In the city of Boston, and aa the gray Mt gradually brightened tad grew ltd In tin coating dey.s young man looked oat npo the buoy world around aim vita thai feeUag of utter leaeliaet which on ao often facia la a great city where all la Mt and straag to aim. Scarcely four watts had passed aiaea tha Ba of a tottlac hett had falica aadly npoa hit aar. a ad ha had looked into a grav whet they laid hit Mother to her iaat (iream iaar ML A prevailing fever had effect ad what tha fancied ailmcata of yean had failed to do, aad Billy Bender via aw aa orphan and aloae in tha wide world, .Hekaew that ha had hi awa fortua to make, aad after settling ki othat afatra and iodic thara wa nothiatg left for him. he had coma to the city, and oa thia mora lag weot forth alone to look for employment, with ao other recstameadatioa than the frank, heaast expressloa of hia haadaoaaa face. -It was fooliah la ma to attempt it." thought he, aa ha atopped in front at a hrgr wholesale establitkment Hla eye caaght the aiga oa which waa lettered "R. X Seldea a Co." The aame sound ed familiar, and something whispered to him 'o eater. Ha did aa, and meeting la tha doorway a taU, elegaat looking young maa. La aaked for Mr. Seldea, "My ancle," returned tha geatlemaa, who waa aona other than George More laad, "haa not yet come down, bat per hapa I tan answer your parpeae jiut aa ' welt Da yoa wish to parchaae goods?" BiHy, tanking that everyone moat know hit porerty, fancied there waa something satirical la the question, bat ha waa mistaken; the manner waa nut aral to the speaker, who, aa Billy made ao direct reply, again asked: "What woaM yoa like, airr "Something to do; for I hare neither oaey aor home, waa Billy prompt s awer. "Win yoa give aaa yoar uasae?" asked Oexjf'ga.'" Billy complied, and .whoa ha epoke at Ma aative towa George repeated It after klna, aaylng: "I hare aome acqnalntaacea who spend the summer la Chicopee; bat yoa probably have aerer kaowa them." Inunedlately Billy thoaght of the Lia- eolaa, and now know why the aaaaa of Retdea teemed ao familiar. He had heard Jeauy apeak at Ida, aad felt certain that K. J. SaMea waa her father. For a moment George regarded him ln taatlyv and than aald: "We oeidom em ploy Xraagere withoat a recommenda- 'X, I do not belle re yoa need any. v It waating a yoaag man, bat ty hardly aoit yoa," he added, -.ae datie he, would he expected "- ..fin m art. W Mart, tt.1 mr, Mtutf menial. , Still, aa the wages were liberal, Billy for want of a better, accepted the itaatiov and waa insawdiataly introduc ed to hia business. For some time ha only saw George at a distance, hot waa told by one of the clerks that ha was just graduated at Tale, and waa aow a junior partner in aia oncle'a esubltah- meat. "We all like htm very much." said the clerk, "he la ao pleasant and kind, though a little proud, I guess." Thia was all that Billy knew of him un til h. had been ha Mr. Selden'a employ ment nearly three weeke; then, as he waa one day poring over a volume of Horace whichJte had .brought with him, George, who chanced to pan by, looked over hia ehowMec, exclaiming. "Why. Bender, can yoa read Latin? Beally, thia is a nov elty. Are yoa fond of books?" "Tea vary." nald Bitty, "though I have bat a few of my own." ' "Fortunately, then, I can accommodate yon," returned George, "for I hare a tol erably good library, to which yon can at any time hare access. Suppose yoa come round to my oncle'a to-night Never mind about thanking me," he added, aa he saw Billy about to speak; "I hate to be thanked, ao to-night, at eight o'clock. I shall enact yon. Accordingly, that evening Billy started for Mr. Selden'a, George, who wished to aa-e him from any embarrassment, an awered his ring himself, and Immediately conducted him to his room, where for aa hoar or so they discussed their favorite hooka aad authors. At last, George, ss- tooished at Billy'a general knowledge of men aad things, exclaimed, "Why, Ben der. I do believe yon are almost as good a scholar la I, .who bare been through eollece. Pray, how does It happen 7" la a few worda Billy explained that ba bad been In the habit of working sum mers and going to school at Wilbraham vintera; and then, as it waa nearly ten. tastily gathered np the books which ,rce had .kindly .loaned, him aad took lea re. Aa he waa descending the d stairway he met a yonng girl fash ion ably dressed, who stared at him la some surprise. In the upper hall she en countered George, and asked him who tha atrancer was. "His aame la Bender and ha came from fThlroo." answered Geonre. "Bender from Chicopee I" repeated Ida, "Why. I wonder If It Isn't the Billy Ben der about whom Jenny Lincoln baa gone almost mad. "I think not," returned her cousin, "for Mrs. Lincoln would hardly suffer her daughter to mention a poor boy's name," much less to to maa aoout nunc "But," answered Ida, "he worked on Mr. IJneolo's farm when Jenny waa little girl; and now that aha is older aha talks-of him nearly all the time, and Hose says it would not surprise her if she should soma day run off with him." "Possibly it Is the aame," returned George. "Anyway, ha la very fine look : tng, and a fine fellow, too, besides being an excellent scholar." The next day, when Billy chanqed to be alone, George approached1 him, aad after making soma casual remarks about the . booka, be had, borrowed, etc., he aald, - "Did you ever see Jenny Lincoln In Chic- oneer "Oh, yea," answered Billy, brightening Up, for Jenny bad alwaya been, and atiu was, a great favorite , with him; "Ob, yea, I know Jenny very well. I worked for her father some years ago, and be- caa greatly in wrested in her," "ledeed? Then yoa must know Hen ry Lincoln?" "Tan, I knew him," aald Billy; while ueerga cootiaura: "Aad think bot little of him, of COeraeT ' f G this subject Billy waa non-committal. E had aa cease for liking Henry, bat would not say so to a comparative stranger. George wis about moving away wh-., observing a little, old-fashioned bock Of Upon one of the boxes, be took ! It Q aad, fnrnlag to tha fly-leaf, read tha "iraak Uowttrdl FrarJi Cowtrdr U "where have I heard that name? Who la he. Bender?" "He was a little English boy I once loved very much; bat he la dead aow,"aa awered Billy; and George, with a sud den! r awakened cariosity, said: Tell about him aad hit family, w. your . Without dreaming that George had ever area them, Billy told the story of Frank's sickness and death of the aobie conduct of hia little aister, who, when there waa ao other alternative, went cheerfully to the poerhouse, winning by her lende wars the love of those unused to lore, and taming the wild mood of a maniac until she was harmless as a child. Aa he proceeded with his story George became each moment mora and more in terested, aad when at last there waa a naoao, he aaked. "And la Mary In the poorhoosr now ?" "I have not mentioned her name, and nrav how came yoa to know it?" said Billy la some surprise. la a tew words George related the par ticulars of hia acquaintance with the Howards and then a rain asked where both Mary and Ella were. Billy replied that for a few years back Mary ktd lived with a Mrs. Mason, while Ella, at the time of her mother 'a death, had been adopted by Mrs. Camp bell. "But." aaid he, "I never think of Ella In connection with Mary, they are ao unlike; Ella ia proud aad vain aad ailly, aad treats her aister with the utmost rudeness, though Mary la far more agree able and intelligent, and aa I think the beat looking." "She must have changed very much." answered George, "for if 1 remember rightly she was not remarkable tor per sonal beauty." " He was goiagjo say mora, when some one slapped him rudely oa the shoulder, calling out. "How are you, old feller, and what la there in Boston to Interest such a eeanefrace aa I am?" Looking up, Billy saw before him Hen ry Lincoln, exquisitely dressed, but bear- tag In his appearance evident marka of dissipation. "Why, Hoary," exclaimed George, "how came you here? I supposed yoa were drawing lampblack caricatures of some one of the tutors in old Tale. What a the matter? What hare yoa been doing?" "Why, you aee," anawered Henry, drawing hia cigar from hia mouth, "one of the sophs got hia arm broken in a row, aad aa I am ao tender-hearted, and couldn't bear to hear him groan, the fac ulty kindly advised me to lea re. and tent oa before me a recommendation to the old man. But I fixed 'em. I told 'em he waa in Boston, whereaa he's in Chicopee, ao I just took . the letter from the office myself. It reads beautifully. Do you understand?" All thia time Henry had apparently taken no notice of Billy, whom George 1 now introduced, saying he believed they were old acquaintances. With the cool eat effrontery Henry took from his pocket a quitting glass, and, applying it to his eye, said, "I've absolutely studied until I n aear-sighted. How long hare the old folka been in Chicopee J" Sereral ' weeks, I think," answered George; and then, either because he want ed to hear what Henry would say, or because of a reawakened interest in Msry Howard, be continued, "By the way, Henry, when yon came so unceremoni ously upon us, we were speaking of a young girl in Chicopee whom you have perhaps ferreted out ere this, aa Ben der saya she ia line looking." . . Henry stroked his whiskers, which had recelxed far more cultivation than his brains, stuck his hat oa one aide and answered, "Why, yes, I suppose that ia my way I was something of a b'hoy with the fair aex, but really I do not now think of more than one handsome girl in Chicopee, and that is Ella Campbell, but she is young yet, not as old as Jenny altogether too small fry for Henry Lin coln, Esq. But who ia the girir . Billy frowned, for he held Mary's name as too sacred to be breathed by a young maa of Henry Lincoln s character, while George replied: "Her name ia Mary Howard." "What, the pauper?" asked Henry, looking significantly at Billy, who replied: The same, sir. 'Whew-wr whistled Henry, prolong ing the diphthong to an unusual length. Why, she's got two teeth at least a foot long, and her face looks as thongb she had just been In the vinegar barrel aad didn't like the taste of It" "But, without joking, though, how does she look?" asked George; while Billy made a movement as if he would help the Insolent puppy to find his level; "Well, now, old boy," returned Henry, "m tell yoa honestly that the last time I saw her I was surprised to find how much she was improved. She has swal lowed those abominable teeth, or done something with them, and ia really quit decent looking." So saying he took hia leave. Just then there waa a call for Mr. Morelaud, who also departed, leaving Billy alone. "It la very strange tnat she never told mt she knew him," thought he; and then tak ing from bis pocket a neatly folded letter, he again read it through. But there was nothing in it about George, except the simple words, "I am glad you have found a friend ia Mr. Moreland. ; I am sure I should like him, just because he is kind to you." "Yes, she's forgotten b!m," said Billy, and that belief gave him secret satisfsc tion. He had known Mary long, and the interest be had felt in her when a .homely, neglected child, had not in tha wast decreased as the lapse of time grad' ually ripened her Into a fine, intelligent looking girl. He was to her a brother still, but abe to him was dearer far thaa a sitter; and though in his letters he al ways addressed her as such, in bit heart be claimed her aa something nearer, and yet he had never breathed in her ear a word of love or hinted that it was for her tske he toiled both early end late, hoard ing up hia earninga with almost a miser's care that abe might be educated. Regularly each week she wrote to him, and It waa. the receipt of these tettert and tha thoughts of ber that kept his heart so brave and cheerful, as, alone and unappreciated, except by George, he worked on, dreaming of a bright future when the one great object of hia life should ba realised. , ; r , (To be continued.) '- ' ' A CotapUaaeut, . The Old Man y.onr love tor my daughter teemt to have grown very (tat tlnco you found out t was worth go much money. ' ' ''. ' The iouug.-Ma (aduiirlugl) No (alter, than the1 lubject warranted. POWERFUL UNITED STATES BATTLESHIP OHIO. ailsaMk 3 w . The battleship Ohio, recently launched at San Francisco, la the newest "pride of the American navy." She la forty feet longer than the Oregon and 2,000 tons greater In displacement. 8he Is twenty feet longer than the Iowa and 1.000 tons greater in displacement than that ship. Her largest ride will be twelve inches. Her secondary battery will contain sixteen tMnck rifles. The Ohio's dimenaioaa are: Length oa the water line, 3S8 feet; width. W feet 5 lachea; mean draught. 23 feet luchee: maximum draught. 25 feet 8 inchea; displacement, l'i.000 tons; speed. 18 knots; maximum horse power, ld.000; total coal supply. 2,000 tons. She will carry one flag omcer, one commanding officer, alxteea wardroom om cere, twelve junior officers aad five warrant officers. In many respects the Ohio will be the greatest of all marine fighting machines. The works of the ship will bi of the moat approved kind. Her engine room will resemble a great workshop, fitted with the finest tools that can be made. The ship herself, with her windings and alleyways, her broad decks and hundreda of apartments, will be like a tjiall city behind walla of steel. She will have her telephone ayatem, her lighting plant and her water works, la this stel glrt city will be nearly 1,000 Incandescent lamps and telephone commualca tioas between ail parts. The filling of one water-tight compartment at any time need be no cause tor alarm. Tha touch of a button in the central station will dose every watertight door in less time thaa would take to give tha order. Her complement will be about M0 men. SIXTY THOUSAND A YEAR. Cbieaao Byeteaa Has Laraeet Salaried ; Telepkoae i.ntctal la the Ceuatry. John L Sabln, president of tha Pa cific States Telegraph and Telephone Company, baa entered upon hia duties In a larger Held of activity aa the man ager or the Chicago ayateni of tele phones. There have been promotions all along the Pacific coast line to fill the places made vacant by tue transfer of experta from San Francisco and 8pokane to Chicago. Mr. Sabln re ceives a salary of S35.000 per annum from the Chicago company. He also retains the presidency of the Pacific States company, receiving from the Ut ter corporation 125.000 per annum. Hia compensation la, therefore, 100,000 a year. Joha I. Sabln waa bora In New fork Oct 8. 1847. When IS years of age be left the public achoola of Brooklyn to enter the messenger service of the In- JOBS' i aAur. dependent Telegraph Company of New York, After an apprenticeship of Uva months he waa sent to New Brunswick, N. J., to open an office as operator on the new line then building between New York and Philadelphia. He re mained but three months in thia posi tion, being transferred to White Plaint and from there to New York, where he became bight operator on the Western press lines of the United States Tele graph Company, In ISM Sabin entered the army aa military telegraph operator, and waa stationed with the headquarters of the Fifth Army Corps at Fort Petersburg, Va, He served through the war, ami when the struggle ended he settled at Balelgh. N. C Tbe young operator was restless, and iw la tbe Weat the opportunity for advancement which tbe East teemed to deny htm. He joined tbe Collins over land telegraph expedition, formed for the purpose of banding a line overland from San Francisco to tbe month of the A moor river In Siberia. He wat ttatloned at Plover Bay In Siberia for over a year. In tbe fan of 1807 Mr. LORD HUQH, THE HOPE OP THE CECILS. ! IP i!' '4 ' '"ill! M J !i i'" I ,!i Lord Hugh Cecil, who at a recent Irish demonstration in the House of Com mons, advocated the Imprisonment of rebellious member of Parliament, it the "rising hope" of Lord Rallibury't "featlve circle," aa Lord Koaebery recently called tbe Prime Mlnlater't family. Lord Salisbury'! eldett ton it not looked opon at a likely tucceaaor to the political petition of bit father, tnd it it Lord Hugh, the youngest, who tt viewed at the coming man of tbe Cecils. He It the only unmarried ton, and haa lived til bit life with hit father, whoie dltclple ha it. . Ha Ik the only Cecil who ralaet tny enthuslaim, or who wtntt to be enthn tiattlc. To him, at to bit father, politics It an essential part of religion, anl he tpeaki to the House of Common! at If ha were preaching from bis brother'a pulpit at Hatfield. He It earnest enough to revolt from party tlea when they Interfere with freedom of thought and conviction, and intense enough to propose g revolution In parliamentary procedure which no other member ef the House dare support Ha la 11 yeart old. II I I M M H tniitawp, a III II i 1 Mil l Sabln returned to San Francisco, and for several years waa an operator ta the employ of the Western I'ntoa, be ing ttatloned at Salt Lake, Helena and other places. Since then he haa grad ually risen to bla present position. It haa been hit principle to make the telephone popular and profitable by making it ao cheap as to be within the reach of all. He baa achieved tblt result by establishing vartoua classes of service, ranging In price from $1.60 to S3 monthly. At a result of thia pol icy there are about five tltnea aa many telephones on the tparaely settled Pa cific coast aa there are In the densely populated middle Weat Hia Explanation. The explanations some authors are compelled to make to readers of literal or Immature mind when they are obliging enough to make them at all are often aa good literature aa the passage which called them forth. Elisa beth Cady Stanton says, In her "Eighty Years or More," that the once wrote Dr. Holmes, at the request of a young nephew of hers, to aak an Important question. Did the doctor really bare a errant who almost laughed blmaelf to death, aa described In "The Height of tbe Ridiculous r Dr. Holmes replied: I wish you would explain to your little nephew that the story of the poor fellow who almost died laughing waa a kind of dream of mine, and not a real thing that happened, any more than that an old woman lived In a ahoe, and had so many children ahe didn't know what to do. or that Jack climbed tbe beanstalk and found the giant who lived at tbe top of It Yon can explain to him what la meant by Imagination, and thua turn my youthful rhymes Into a text for a discourse worthy of the Concord School of Philosophy. I have not my poems by me, but I remember that "The Height of the Itldlculout" ended with thia verse: Ten dayt and nlghta, with sleepless eyes 1 watched that wretched man. And since, I never dare to write As funny as I ran. But tell your nephew he mustn't cry about It any more than because geese go barefoot, and bald eaglea bare no nightcaps. Washing a Wild Tiger. A story copied from "La France du Nord" Illustrates the lengths to which perfect fearlessness may carry a man. Tbe famous lion-tamer Pezoo hired at Moscow a poor Coasaek, who was as Ignorant of the French language aa of fear, to clean the cages of bla wild beauts. Instructions were given to the man by means of gestures and dumb show, and apparently be thoroughly under stood what he waa expected to do. , Tbe next morning be began bla new dutlea by entering with bucket tponge and broom, not tbe cage of a tame I i it A beaat but that of a aplendld untamed tiger, which lay aaleep upon the floor, Tbe flares animal awoke and fixed bla yea upon the man, who calmly pro ceeded to wet hit large aponge, and. untertifled, to approach tbe tiger. At thia moment Peton aaw what waa going on. and waa atruck with horror. Any sound or motion on bla part would Increase tbe danger of tbe altuatloo by rouatng tbe boaat to fury; to he quietly waited till the need should arise to ruth to the niau'a assistance. The uioujlk, sponge in hand, ap proached the animal, and perfectly fearless, proceeded to rub bliu down, aa If be bad been a horse or a dog; while the tiger, apparently delighted by the application of cold water, rolled over on Ita back, stretched out Ita paws, purred, and offered every part of Ita body to the moujlk, who washed htm as complacently aa a mother bathes ber Infant Then be left tbe cage, and would bavt repeated tbe basardoos experiment upon another savage from the desert had not Peson with difficulty drawn blm off. Hablta of the Cat. Alt the cat'a bablta ahow It to be by nature a solitary anltnaL Even In early lite, when family tlea bring out the Inatlnct of association, tbla la apparent If you compare the play of puppies wltb that of kltleus you will find that In one caae companloushlp of tome kind la essential, for If a puppy haa no playmate of hia own apeciee be will try to make use of the neaist blned wbexeaa a cork or a bit of sfTtrlg, ia all that to necessary to satisfy the requlre- tneuti of the kitten. The way In which tbe cat takes Ita food Is a algn that In Ita natural atata It la not In the habll of associating wltb greedy companlona. Wlien given something to eat It Drat carefully etuelle the morsel, then takes It In a deliberate and gingerly way and atta down to finish It at leisure, There la none of that Inclination to match hastily at any food held before It which we observe In well-trained dogt, nor does a cat aeem In any hurry to atow Itt goods tn the one place where thiev ing rivals cannot Interfere wltb tbem. Indeed, no greater contrast In natural table manners can be observed any. where than wben we turn from the kennel of the pigsty and watch the dainty way In which a cat takes Itt meals That a cat allows people to ap proach It while It la feeding without abowlng jealousy proves that It doet not attribute to human belnga like tastes with Itt own.-Wild Traits Tame Animals In Free Mustard. Jamea Russell Lowell aald, "All dea cone are gooa, but there are odda In deacons," and It may be added that there are oddt In other varletlea of men. Squire Blank, according to Harpert Bazar, waa not only tbe richest man In bla village, but the stingiest aa well. Nothing gave blm tucb keen delight at to get something for nothing. One day he and several of bit neigh' bora bad been In conference with manufacturer who contemplated estab lishing a mill In the town. The confer ence waa held In tbe one store of the village, and at Ita close tbe manufactur er ttepped up to a ibowcaae containing clgan, and aald: "Have s cigar, gentlemen." All the men selected a cigar except Squire Blank. He didn't imoke. There fore be said: "Thank you, air, but I don't tmoke but at the cigars are a dime apiece, I'll take a dime's worth o' mustard If you say so." Of course the astonished gentleman "said so," and tbe squire went home jubilant over "a bull half-pound o' mus tard that never coat me a red cent." The Pigeons of St. Mark. Venice has asserted the right of ownership over tbe famous pigeons of Saint Mark. Some enterprising street boys who had made a business of kill ing tbe birds, when brought up In court, pleaded that the pigeons had no legal owners, and they were fed by the public on the Plasza San Marco. The city authorities maintained that the pigeons were the ward of the old re public, and therefore of the present municipality, a view that wat adopted by tbe court. Tb Scotch Language. An effort it being made to establish In one of the Scotch universities a chair for the study of tbe Scotch language and literature. Uprooted Tree Still Live. The "life tree" of Jamaica grows and thrives for months after being uprooted and exposed to tbe sun. It Is aa utter Impossibility for a short man to fall In love wltb a tall woman. He simply bps to climb for It Mau proposes and the girl sends blm j around Ut papa to see If hv opposes. LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA. RIUUS HUMORISTS, Pleaeaat Iacldeaa Occnrrlag tha World Over-Baylaau that Ara Cheer ful to Old or Youua-'unay Selee tlaaa that Tea Will Kajoy. "Mantly." aald Farmer Corntoaael, at he dropped a vallxe full of aawduat on tha kltclico dimr and placed a gold brick on the auelf. "1 have Joe' made a aitcovcry. Tain' very Impm-taut, but K'l Interval lu'." "tou don't aayt" "Yea. Ta know Ift been aald 'you kin fool aoiue of the public all the time.' " "tea." "Well, I'm that part 0' the publlc."- Waatilugion Star. "I hear that you've been hunting. "Yea." "Bag anything?" "Nothing but my t route re." Man al Mllllaery. How do you Ilka my new hat narryf Well, It Isn't quite aa rraxydooking u that Inst one you bought." Editor-Did you write (bla Joka your self? Jo Kryter Yea, air. Editor-Miewl Tupu you mutt b about 400 year of age, but I swear you don't look It. Batter thaa a Tip. Guest (In restaurant-You may bring me some roast beef." Walter-How will you have It, air? Guest-Well done, thou good aad faithful servant I laaalbla Theory. Blggs-Tbey aay tbe worst tyrant possible Is the liberated slave. Dlgge I euppoae that Is why the eg' typewriter loves to dictate to ber bus- baud. May Mllllaerr. Harold, how do you like my new fjllage bat? Harriet, you must hear tn truth you look like a plaut-ttnnd." Ktpert Arraignment. 'Mayme, hero's a college professor who nays he baa never kltmed a girl." 'Oh, well; kit of profoundly tcleO' tide men haven't really good common sense." Aad Also tawyere. Bobble 1'n, what bnMu when car are tucuHd? Father The passengers see stain, my ton.-Kinnrt Bet. Domeel.c Oplnloa, Ilimbnnd-I think ouljr aenslbla wom en ought to marry. Wife-Well, you'd be a bachelor that were the rule. A Psrchle Alf.tr. "I don't eoe bow you can be to des perately In lor with a girl whom you have known such a short time," "Of course you don't. Hut I've been loving that girl all my life before met her." Moat Important Thlai. Professor Can you toll me anything of national Importance about the Ha wallan group of Islands?" Bright Boy-Yet. sir. Tbe Pacific Ocean, A Vernal Live Wire, Tbe man In winter flannel oft must croon a dismal tun. When tweet May weather tllpt a cog and gets as bot as June. Oaln. ' First Financier I gave my boy lid, 000 to operate wltb In the street the other day, and be made $2,000. Second Fluancler-Clear? "Yes. That's wtmt be bad left." Only Half a Bnccess, "Your club meeting was a feast ef reason." "Yes, altogether; that committee dldu't give a bite of anything to eat." t Cansa and I (feet. Mia. Nextdoor Yea, my daughter Is very persevering In her plnuo-playlng, Do you notice that she Improving? Mrs. .Sharps No, and I notice that my hnshnnd't temper Isn't.-Cntbollc Stnndurd. A Mat I notion. Mr. Dukan What makes Mr, Nortlmlde so proud? Mr. Caswell Oh. be Is one of the few pnople that don't Halm to hare made a barrel of money by tbe recent rise In stocks.rittHbu2 Chronicle, His Idas. "1 should think," said Mr. Homewood, "that self-respect would doter tho street car companies from running summer cars In cold weather." "How's that?" asked Mr. Beachwood "Well, dead citizens pay no tares." A Bonsnai. "Here's a distinguished scientist who ays that after all there Is nothing In germs." "Nothing In germs? Nonsense! Why look how much tbe doctors lav mad out, of them." A Neighborly Disturbance, First Neighbor Well, my daughter doesn't play tbe piano any worse (than your sou wrun pucuy. Second Ditto Perhaps n6t, but It can ta heard so much farther. laaiwiaa tibia. ITs-Can't yon love me and ba ml friend at tha aame time? Bhe-IUrdly. There la honor among friend', but I can do aa I plena when 1 love you. '.it tip la Us. "Saute old presentation of 'Uncle Toiu't Cabin.' t suppose? "Not much; we vs woria iu tomobll colllalon and plantation rum mage sale." Rood ttarualaera. IUas-I got aome egga of Mra. Fowlof for 15 ceuta a doacn. I prataeu ner baby, you know. Fngg-That'B nothing. I bougni aome of Fowler for l'J ceuta. I apoke in aa- miration of his dog.-What To Eat Nat Thai Kino. Obterver-You don't sweat much at your work? Uborer-I guest not: a dollar a aay ain't twtln' wages. Applied Ikleace. "This article says a man show char acter by tb way b carries hia um brella. "Yea. and be show character by ids way he carries off otbr peopl's um brella, too," April Admiration. "Say, tbat girl la A pluk hat la a pretty a a peach." "Oh, prettier than tbat; sh s pret ty aa a peach tre In full bloom." FlrU Ihlna Visitors Net lee. Clark-I knw Miss Knom was stranger to Chicago before you told ma. Dearborn So? How? Clark-8h noticed tbat all tb men lu the car had solWd collar otv-Chl-cago Tribune. Iks Heeeoa. II pnlteutly)-You prott4 A much, dear, tbat I had to kit you. She-Hut I don't why. "Because t wv you too much vr to disappoint you." N Ho-tatce Left. Penelope-Wby, how could you break off your engagement with blm? I'erdlta-W were aeaalck togmr. Tact, - Cobble-Ther goes (Hover, on of my beat friend. Never knew blm to aay one word agalnat me, , Htone-Yee. II' a fellow of rare restraint Ills Failure Kaaelt. Umlaiuan-Sv here! How about that 140 you owe m? You promised to get It and send It to m at Atlantic City by mat Friday. Spendaman-Well, I'll tell you. I did start to rale It but then I r member tbat even If I did scrape It together I couldn't send It because dldu't bar a ttmp.-Catbollc Staudard and Tiuwa. Tb frll f tb Hear. Jenkins ireat Scott! tber comes Jones. Let's turn down thia comer. Jorkyne-Wby, do you owe him so much a that? Jeoklu No, but be' juat bought a house In Brooklyn, and I'm afraid he'll ask me over there lo dinner.-Ille't Weekly. r .,- f Proud Father (to bachelor friend, a veterinary surgeon) Well, aren't tbey grtnd? Tb Vet M 'yea. I should keep tb middle one, If I were you. Kaslly Answered. "How are you going to get along with your examination, Jerry? r '0, these questions are easy. Herri one: 'M'Jiat Is the national hymnf Any body knows what tbat la. It's 11' whk'b one Is tbe national hymn, Mr, Brown?" "Why, It's-well, you know there are half a doxen of tbem. Still, I suppos the on we really call tha national hymn Is Is what's tb next question, Jerry r . HI Claim t Distinction. "So, tbat Is Professor Dash of tha Blank University, I It? Well, wbat haa he been doing to set tbe people to talk ing about him?" "Nothing at all-nothing but teach bis classes. That's why I'm pointing blm out to you." i Case of Oennlne Humanity. Young Uusband-Tboae are tb bls cults you baked tbls morning, aren't tbey, Jennie? Wbat ar you going tt do wltb them? Young Wife (tearful and IndlgnatW I'm going to feed them to tb pigeon,,- Young Husband Don't do that, deal) for heaven's sake! I'll try to eat tbem. ReapKtfnlly Declined. "My boy, no clgsrettes! If you must smoke, smoke cigars." "But, father, I can't afford It" "You can use mine." "I value my friends too highly foi that." - . - - ' " Specimen of Negro Loglo. That famous southern clergyman Iter. Dr. Porter, recently told a good story Illustrating the whimsical In genuity of the Ethiopian mind. A southern planter who was puttied by tbe disappearance of c great deal of rice found out that It had been pur loined by a favorite slave. He sent for the latter and said: "Sam, 1 am very sorry to discover that you- ar a thief and have been taking nlytrloe." Tb slave smiled and anaweriA: "I riilr vmis tl nn nmaaiim Waa .11. wwa. gV vrui aiwt itt.r-UL a nut Ik J thief." "How do you make tha1) came the query, "Well, tnnssil ;' I belong to you, or does I hot?"! :' you belong to me." "An doil I rice belong to you ?" "Certainly." j then, If 1 take tn rice and rice It belongs to you still. It i . gone away, from you and no other n , got tt, and to I couldn't have stolei could I" Evening Wisconsin, Th Weather Man's Complaint. I I try to please my patrons, but tb col tract Is no fun, I For farmers now want lota of rala f - carpenters want bob L. .