I QgilHOIiSE TDjpALAGE 1
I BrnrjjHO if
, CHAPTER X.
It ni begiaaing to be daylight In the
city of Boston, and aa the gray Mt
gradually brightened tad grew ltd In tin
coating dey.s young man looked oat npo
the buoy world around aim vita thai
feeUag of utter leaeliaet which on ao
often facia la a great city where all la
Mt and straag to aim. Scarcely four
watts had passed aiaea tha Ba of a
tottlac hett had falica aadly npoa hit aar.
a ad ha had looked into a grav whet
they laid hit Mother to her iaat (iream
iaar ML A prevailing fever had effect
ad what tha fancied ailmcata of yean
had failed to do, aad Billy Bender via
aw aa orphan and aloae in tha wide
world, .Hekaew that ha had hi awa
fortua to make, aad after settling ki
othat afatra and iodic thara wa
nothiatg left for him. he had coma to the
city, and oa thia mora lag weot forth
alone to look for employment, with ao
other recstameadatioa than the frank,
heaast expressloa of hia haadaoaaa face.
-It was fooliah la ma to attempt it."
thought he, aa ha atopped in front at a
hrgr wholesale establitkment Hla eye
caaght the aiga oa which waa lettered
"R. X Seldea a Co." The aame sound
ed familiar, and something whispered to
him 'o eater. Ha did aa, and meeting la
tha doorway a taU, elegaat looking young
maa. La aaked for Mr. Seldea,
"My ancle," returned tha geatlemaa,
who waa aona other than George More
laad, "haa not yet come down, bat per
hapa I tan answer your parpeae jiut aa
' welt Da yoa wish to parchaae goods?"
BiHy, tanking that everyone moat
know hit porerty, fancied there waa
something satirical la the question, bat
ha waa mistaken; the manner waa nut
aral to the speaker, who, aa Billy made
ao direct reply, again asked: "What
woaM yoa like, airr
"Something to do; for I hare neither
oaey aor home, waa Billy prompt s
awer. "Win yoa give aaa yoar uasae?" asked
Oexjf'ga.'"
Billy complied, and .whoa ha epoke at
Ma aative towa George repeated It after
klna, aaylng: "I hare aome acqnalntaacea
who spend the summer la Chicopee; bat
yoa probably have aerer kaowa them."
Inunedlately Billy thoaght of the Lia-
eolaa, and now know why the aaaaa of
Retdea teemed ao familiar. He had heard
Jeauy apeak at Ida, aad felt certain that
K. J. SaMea waa her father.
For a moment George regarded him ln
taatlyv and than aald: "We oeidom em
ploy Xraagere withoat a recommenda-
'X, I do not belle re yoa need any.
v It waating a yoaag man, bat
ty hardly aoit yoa," he added,
-.ae datie he, would he expected
"- ..fin m art. W Mart, tt.1 mr, Mtutf
menial. , Still, aa the wages were liberal,
Billy for want of a better, accepted the
itaatiov and waa insawdiataly introduc
ed to hia business. For some time ha
only saw George at a distance, hot waa
told by one of the clerks that ha was
just graduated at Tale, and waa aow a
junior partner in aia oncle'a esubltah-
meat.
"We all like htm very much." said the
clerk, "he la ao pleasant and kind, though
a little proud, I guess."
Thia was all that Billy knew of him un
til h. had been ha Mr. Selden'a employ
ment nearly three weeke; then, as he waa
one day poring over a volume of Horace
whichJte had .brought with him, George,
who chanced to pan by, looked over hia
ehowMec, exclaiming. "Why. Bender, can
yoa read Latin? Beally, thia is a nov
elty. Are yoa fond of books?"
"Tea vary." nald Bitty, "though I have
bat a few of my own."
' "Fortunately, then, I can accommodate
yon," returned George, "for I hare a tol
erably good library, to which yon can at
any time hare access. Suppose yoa come
round to my oncle'a to-night Never
mind about thanking me," he added, aa
he saw Billy about to speak; "I hate to
be thanked, ao to-night, at eight o'clock.
I shall enact yon.
Accordingly, that evening Billy started
for Mr. Selden'a, George, who wished to
aa-e him from any embarrassment, an
awered his ring himself, and Immediately
conducted him to his room, where for aa
hoar or so they discussed their favorite
hooka aad authors. At last, George, ss-
tooished at Billy'a general knowledge of
men aad things, exclaimed, "Why, Ben
der. I do believe yon are almost as good
a scholar la I, .who bare been through
eollece. Pray, how does It happen 7"
la a few worda Billy explained that ba
bad been In the habit of working sum
mers and going to school at Wilbraham
vintera; and then, as it waa nearly ten.
tastily gathered np the books which
,rce had .kindly .loaned, him aad took
lea re. Aa he waa descending the
d stairway he met a yonng girl fash
ion ably dressed, who stared at him la
some surprise. In the upper hall she en
countered George, and asked him who tha
atrancer was.
"His aame la Bender and ha came from
fThlroo." answered Geonre.
"Bender from Chicopee I" repeated Ida,
"Why. I wonder If It Isn't the Billy Ben
der about whom Jenny Lincoln baa gone
almost mad.
"I think not," returned her cousin, "for
Mrs. Lincoln would hardly suffer her
daughter to mention a poor boy's name,"
much less to to maa aoout nunc
"But," answered Ida, "he worked on
Mr. IJneolo's farm when Jenny waa
little girl; and now that aha is older aha
talks-of him nearly all the time, and
Hose says it would not surprise her if she
should soma day run off with him."
"Possibly it Is the aame," returned
George. "Anyway, ha la very fine look
: tng, and a fine fellow, too, besides being
an excellent scholar."
The next day, when Billy chanqed to be
alone, George approached1 him, aad after
making soma casual remarks about the
. booka, be had, borrowed, etc., he aald,
- "Did you ever see Jenny Lincoln In Chic-
oneer
"Oh, yea," answered Billy, brightening
Up, for Jenny bad alwaya been, and atiu
was, a great favorite , with him; "Ob,
yea, I know Jenny very well. I worked
for her father some years ago, and be-
caa greatly in wrested in her,"
"ledeed? Then yoa must know Hen
ry Lincoln?"
"Tan, I knew him," aald Billy; while
ueerga cootiaura:
"Aad think bot little of him, of
COeraeT '
f G this subject Billy waa non-committal.
E had aa cease for liking Henry,
bat would not say so to a comparative
stranger. George wis about moving away
wh-., observing a little, old-fashioned
bock Of Upon one of the boxes, be took
! It Q aad, fnrnlag to tha fly-leaf, read tha
"iraak Uowttrdl FrarJi Cowtrdr U
"where have I heard that
name? Who la he. Bender?"
"He was a little English boy I once
loved very much; bat he la dead aow,"aa
awered Billy; and George, with a sud
den! r awakened cariosity, said:
Tell about him aad hit family,
w. your .
Without dreaming that George had
ever area them, Billy told the story of
Frank's sickness and death of the aobie
conduct of hia little aister, who, when
there waa ao other alternative, went
cheerfully to the poerhouse, winning by
her lende wars the love of those unused
to lore, and taming the wild mood of a
maniac until she was harmless as a child.
Aa he proceeded with his story George
became each moment mora and more in
terested, aad when at last there waa a
naoao, he aaked. "And la Mary In the
poorhoosr now ?"
"I have not mentioned her name, and
nrav how came yoa to know it?" said
Billy la some surprise.
la a tew words George related the par
ticulars of hia acquaintance with the
Howards and then a rain asked where
both Mary and Ella were.
Billy replied that for a few years back
Mary ktd lived with a Mrs. Mason,
while Ella, at the time of her mother 'a
death, had been adopted by Mrs. Camp
bell. "But." aaid he, "I never think of
Ella In connection with Mary, they are ao
unlike; Ella ia proud aad vain aad ailly,
aad treats her aister with the utmost
rudeness, though Mary la far more agree
able and intelligent, and aa I think the
beat looking."
"She must have changed very much."
answered George, "for if 1 remember
rightly she was not remarkable tor per
sonal beauty."
" He was goiagjo say mora, when some
one slapped him rudely oa the shoulder,
calling out. "How are you, old feller, and
what la there in Boston to Interest such
a eeanefrace aa I am?"
Looking up, Billy saw before him Hen
ry Lincoln, exquisitely dressed, but bear-
tag In his appearance evident marka of
dissipation.
"Why, Hoary," exclaimed George,
"how came you here? I supposed yoa
were drawing lampblack caricatures of
some one of the tutors in old Tale.
What a the matter? What hare yoa been
doing?"
"Why, you aee," anawered Henry,
drawing hia cigar from hia mouth, "one
of the sophs got hia arm broken in a row,
aad aa I am ao tender-hearted, and
couldn't bear to hear him groan, the fac
ulty kindly advised me to lea re. and tent
oa before me a recommendation to the
old man. But I fixed 'em. I told 'em he
waa in Boston, whereaa he's in Chicopee,
ao I just took . the letter from the office
myself. It reads beautifully. Do you
understand?"
All thia time Henry had apparently
taken no notice of Billy, whom George
1 now introduced, saying he believed they
were old acquaintances. With the cool
eat effrontery Henry took from his pocket
a quitting glass, and, applying it to his
eye, said, "I've absolutely studied until
I n aear-sighted. How long hare the old
folka been in Chicopee J"
Sereral ' weeks, I think," answered
George; and then, either because he want
ed to hear what Henry would say, or
because of a reawakened interest in Msry
Howard, be continued, "By the way,
Henry, when yon came so unceremoni
ously upon us, we were speaking of a
young girl in Chicopee whom you have
perhaps ferreted out ere this, aa Ben
der saya she ia line looking." . .
Henry stroked his whiskers, which had
recelxed far more cultivation than his
brains, stuck his hat oa one aide and
answered, "Why, yes, I suppose that ia
my way I was something of a b'hoy with
the fair aex, but really I do not now
think of more than one handsome girl
in Chicopee, and that is Ella Campbell,
but she is young yet, not as old as Jenny
altogether too small fry for Henry Lin
coln, Esq. But who ia the girir .
Billy frowned, for he held Mary's name
as too sacred to be breathed by a young
maa of Henry Lincoln s character, while
George replied:
"Her name ia Mary Howard."
"What, the pauper?" asked Henry,
looking significantly at Billy, who replied:
The same, sir.
'Whew-wr whistled Henry, prolong
ing the diphthong to an unusual length.
Why, she's got two teeth at least a foot
long, and her face looks as thongb she
had just been In the vinegar barrel aad
didn't like the taste of It"
"But, without joking, though, how
does she look?" asked George; while
Billy made a movement as if he would
help the Insolent puppy to find his level;
"Well, now, old boy," returned Henry,
"m tell yoa honestly that the last time
I saw her I was surprised to find how
much she was improved. She has swal
lowed those abominable teeth, or done
something with them, and ia really quit
decent looking."
So saying he took hia leave. Just then
there waa a call for Mr. Morelaud, who
also departed, leaving Billy alone. "It
la very strange tnat she never told mt
she knew him," thought he; and then tak
ing from bis pocket a neatly folded letter,
he again read it through. But there was
nothing in it about George, except the
simple words, "I am glad you have found
a friend ia Mr. Moreland. ; I am sure I
should like him, just because he is kind
to you."
"Yes, she's forgotten b!m," said Billy,
and that belief gave him secret satisfsc
tion. He had known Mary long, and
the interest be had felt in her when a
.homely, neglected child, had not in tha
wast decreased as the lapse of time grad'
ually ripened her Into a fine, intelligent
looking girl. He was to her a brother
still, but abe to him was dearer far thaa
a sitter; and though in his letters he al
ways addressed her as such, in bit heart
be claimed her aa something nearer, and
yet he had never breathed in her ear a
word of love or hinted that it was for her
tske he toiled both early end late, hoard
ing up hia earninga with almost a miser's
care that abe might be educated.
Regularly each week she wrote to him,
and It waa. the receipt of these tettert
and tha thoughts of ber that kept his
heart so brave and cheerful, as, alone
and unappreciated, except by George, he
worked on, dreaming of a bright future
when the one great object of hia life
should ba realised. ,
; r , (To be continued.) '- ' '
A CotapUaaeut, .
The Old Man y.onr love tor my
daughter teemt to have grown very
(tat tlnco you found out t was worth
go much money. ' ' ''. '
The iouug.-Ma (aduiirlugl) No
(alter, than the1 lubject warranted.
POWERFUL UNITED STATES BATTLESHIP OHIO.
ailsaMk
3 w
. The battleship Ohio, recently launched at San Francisco, la the newest "pride of the American navy." She la forty
feet longer than the Oregon and 2,000 tons greater In displacement. 8he Is twenty feet longer than the Iowa and 1.000
tons greater in displacement than that ship. Her largest ride will be twelve inches. Her secondary battery will contain
sixteen tMnck rifles. The Ohio's dimenaioaa are: Length oa the water line, 3S8 feet; width. W feet 5 lachea; mean
draught. 23 feet luchee: maximum draught. 25 feet 8 inchea; displacement, l'i.000 tons; speed. 18 knots; maximum horse
power, ld.000; total coal supply. 2,000 tons. She will carry one flag omcer, one commanding officer, alxteea wardroom om
cere, twelve junior officers aad five warrant officers. In many respects the Ohio will be the greatest of all marine fighting
machines. The works of the ship will bi of the moat approved kind. Her engine room will resemble a great workshop,
fitted with the finest tools that can be made. The ship herself, with her windings and alleyways, her broad decks and
hundreda of apartments, will be like a tjiall city behind walla of steel. She will have her telephone ayatem, her lighting
plant and her water works, la this stel glrt city will be nearly 1,000 Incandescent lamps and telephone commualca
tioas between ail parts. The filling of one water-tight compartment at any time need be no cause tor alarm. Tha touch
of a button in the central station will dose every watertight door in less time thaa would take to give tha order. Her
complement will be about M0 men.
SIXTY THOUSAND A YEAR.
Cbieaao Byeteaa Has Laraeet Salaried
; Telepkoae i.ntctal la the Ceuatry.
John L Sabln, president of tha Pa
cific States Telegraph and Telephone
Company, baa entered upon hia duties
In a larger Held of activity aa the man
ager or the Chicago ayateni of tele
phones. There have been promotions
all along the Pacific coast line to fill
the places made vacant by tue transfer
of experta from San Francisco and
8pokane to Chicago. Mr. Sabln re
ceives a salary of S35.000 per annum
from the Chicago company. He also
retains the presidency of the Pacific
States company, receiving from the Ut
ter corporation 125.000 per annum. Hia
compensation la, therefore, 100,000 a
year.
Joha I. Sabln waa bora In New fork
Oct 8. 1847. When IS years of age be
left the public achoola of Brooklyn to
enter the messenger service of the In-
JOBS' i aAur.
dependent Telegraph Company of New
York, After an apprenticeship of Uva
months he waa sent to New Brunswick,
N. J., to open an office as operator on
the new line then building between
New York and Philadelphia. He re
mained but three months in thia posi
tion, being transferred to White Plaint
and from there to New York, where he
became bight operator on the Western
press lines of the United States Tele
graph Company,
In ISM Sabin entered the army aa
military telegraph operator, and waa
stationed with the headquarters of the
Fifth Army Corps at Fort Petersburg,
Va, He served through the war, ami
when the struggle ended he settled at
Balelgh. N. C
Tbe young operator was restless, and
iw la tbe Weat the opportunity for
advancement which tbe East teemed to
deny htm. He joined tbe Collins over
land telegraph expedition, formed for
the purpose of banding a line overland
from San Francisco to tbe month of
the A moor river In Siberia. He wat
ttatloned at Plover Bay In Siberia for
over a year. In tbe fan of 1807 Mr.
LORD HUQH, THE HOPE OP THE CECILS.
! IP
i!' '4 ' '"ill! M
J
!i i'"
I ,!i
Lord Hugh Cecil, who at a recent Irish demonstration in the House of Com
mons, advocated the Imprisonment of rebellious member of Parliament, it the
"rising hope" of Lord Rallibury't "featlve circle," aa Lord Koaebery recently
called tbe Prime Mlnlater't family. Lord Salisbury'! eldett ton it not looked
opon at a likely tucceaaor to the political petition of bit father, tnd it it Lord
Hugh, the youngest, who tt viewed at the coming man of tbe Cecils. He It the
only unmarried ton, and haa lived til bit life with hit father, whoie dltclple ha
it. . Ha Ik the only Cecil who ralaet tny enthuslaim, or who wtntt to be enthn
tiattlc. To him, at to bit father, politics It an essential part of religion, anl
he tpeaki to the House of Common! at If ha were preaching from bis brother'a
pulpit at Hatfield. He It earnest enough to revolt from party tlea when they
Interfere with freedom of thought and conviction, and intense enough to propose
g revolution In parliamentary procedure which no other member ef the House dare
support Ha la 11 yeart old.
II I I M M H tniitawp, a III II i 1 Mil l
Sabln returned to San Francisco, and
for several years waa an operator ta
the employ of the Western I'ntoa, be
ing ttatloned at Salt Lake, Helena and
other places. Since then he haa grad
ually risen to bla present position.
It haa been hit principle to make the
telephone popular and profitable by
making it ao cheap as to be within
the reach of all. He baa achieved tblt
result by establishing vartoua classes
of service, ranging In price from $1.60
to S3 monthly. At a result of thia pol
icy there are about five tltnea aa many
telephones on the tparaely settled Pa
cific coast aa there are In the densely
populated middle Weat
Hia Explanation.
The explanations some authors are
compelled to make to readers of literal
or Immature mind when they are
obliging enough to make them at all
are often aa good literature aa the
passage which called them forth. Elisa
beth Cady Stanton says, In her "Eighty
Years or More," that the once wrote
Dr. Holmes, at the request of a young
nephew of hers, to aak an Important
question. Did the doctor really bare a
errant who almost laughed blmaelf to
death, aa described In "The Height of
tbe Ridiculous r Dr. Holmes replied:
I wish you would explain to your
little nephew that the story of the poor
fellow who almost died laughing waa
a kind of dream of mine, and not a real
thing that happened, any more than
that an old woman lived In a ahoe, and
had so many children ahe didn't know
what to do. or that Jack climbed tbe
beanstalk and found the giant who
lived at tbe top of It
Yon can explain to him what la
meant by Imagination, and thua turn
my youthful rhymes Into a text for a
discourse worthy of the Concord
School of Philosophy. I have not my
poems by me, but I remember that
"The Height of the Itldlculout" ended
with thia verse:
Ten dayt and nlghta, with sleepless eyes
1 watched that wretched man.
And since, I never dare to write
As funny as I ran.
But tell your nephew he mustn't cry
about It any more than because geese
go barefoot, and bald eaglea bare no
nightcaps.
Washing a Wild Tiger.
A story copied from "La France du
Nord" Illustrates the lengths to which
perfect fearlessness may carry a man.
Tbe famous lion-tamer Pezoo hired at
Moscow a poor Coasaek, who was as
Ignorant of the French language aa of
fear, to clean the cages of bla wild
beauts.
Instructions were given to the man
by means of gestures and dumb show,
and apparently be thoroughly under
stood what he waa expected to do. ,
Tbe next morning be began bla new
dutlea by entering with bucket tponge
and broom, not tbe cage of a tame
I i it A
beaat but that of a aplendld untamed
tiger, which lay aaleep upon the floor,
Tbe flares animal awoke and fixed bla
yea upon the man, who calmly pro
ceeded to wet hit large aponge, and.
untertifled, to approach tbe tiger.
At thia moment Peton aaw what waa
going on. and waa atruck with horror.
Any sound or motion on bla part would
Increase tbe danger of tbe altuatloo by
rouatng tbe boaat to fury; to he quietly
waited till the need should arise to ruth
to the niau'a assistance.
The uioujlk, sponge in hand, ap
proached the animal, and perfectly
fearless, proceeded to rub bliu down,
aa If be bad been a horse or a dog;
while the tiger, apparently delighted
by the application of cold water, rolled
over on Ita back, stretched out Ita paws,
purred, and offered every part of Ita
body to the moujlk, who washed htm
as complacently aa a mother bathes
ber Infant
Then be left tbe cage, and would bavt
repeated tbe basardoos experiment
upon another savage from the desert
had not Peson with difficulty drawn
blm off.
Hablta of the Cat.
Alt the cat'a bablta ahow It to be by
nature a solitary anltnaL Even In early
lite, when family tlea bring out the
Inatlnct of association, tbla la apparent
If you compare the play of puppies
wltb that of kltleus you will find that
In one caae companloushlp of tome
kind la essential, for If a puppy haa no
playmate of hia own apeciee be will try
to make use of the neaist blned
wbexeaa a cork or a bit of sfTtrlg, ia all
that to necessary to satisfy the requlre-
tneuti of the kitten. The way In which
tbe cat takes Ita food Is a algn that In
Ita natural atata It la not In the habll
of associating wltb greedy companlona.
Wlien given something to eat It Drat
carefully etuelle the morsel, then takes
It In a deliberate and gingerly way and
atta down to finish It at leisure, There
la none of that Inclination to match
hastily at any food held before It which
we observe In well-trained dogt, nor
does a cat aeem In any hurry to atow
Itt goods tn the one place where thiev
ing rivals cannot Interfere wltb tbem.
Indeed, no greater contrast In natural
table manners can be observed any.
where than wben we turn from the
kennel of the pigsty and watch the
dainty way In which a cat takes Itt
meals That a cat allows people to ap
proach It while It la feeding without
abowlng jealousy proves that It doet
not attribute to human belnga like
tastes with Itt own.-Wild Traits
Tame Animals
In
Free Mustard.
Jamea Russell Lowell aald, "All dea
cone are gooa, but there are odda In
deacons," and It may be added that
there are oddt In other varletlea of
men.
Squire Blank, according to Harpert
Bazar, waa not only tbe richest man In
bla village, but the stingiest aa well.
Nothing gave blm tucb keen delight at
to get something for nothing.
One day he and several of bit neigh'
bora bad been In conference with
manufacturer who contemplated estab
lishing a mill In the town. The confer
ence waa held In tbe one store of the
village, and at Ita close tbe manufactur
er ttepped up to a ibowcaae containing
clgan, and aald:
"Have s cigar, gentlemen."
All the men selected a cigar except
Squire Blank. He didn't imoke. There
fore be said:
"Thank you, air, but I don't tmoke
but at the cigars are a dime apiece, I'll
take a dime's worth o' mustard If you
say so."
Of course the astonished gentleman
"said so," and tbe squire went home
jubilant over "a bull half-pound o' mus
tard that never coat me a red cent."
The Pigeons of St. Mark.
Venice has asserted the right of
ownership over tbe famous pigeons of
Saint Mark. Some enterprising street
boys who had made a business of kill
ing tbe birds, when brought up In
court, pleaded that the pigeons had no
legal owners, and they were fed by the
public on the Plasza San Marco. The
city authorities maintained that the
pigeons were the ward of the old re
public, and therefore of the present
municipality, a view that wat adopted
by tbe court.
Tb Scotch Language.
An effort it being made to establish
In one of the Scotch universities a chair
for the study of tbe Scotch language
and literature.
Uprooted Tree Still Live.
The "life tree" of Jamaica grows and
thrives for months after being uprooted
and exposed to tbe sun.
It Is aa utter Impossibility for a short
man to fall In love wltb a tall woman.
He simply bps to climb for It
Mau proposes and the girl sends blm
j around Ut papa to see If hv opposes.
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA.
RIUUS HUMORISTS,
Pleaeaat Iacldeaa Occnrrlag tha
World Over-Baylaau that Ara Cheer
ful to Old or Youua-'unay Selee
tlaaa that Tea Will Kajoy.
"Mantly." aald Farmer Corntoaael, at
he dropped a vallxe full of aawduat on
tha kltclico dimr and placed a gold
brick on the auelf. "1 have Joe' made a
aitcovcry. Tain' very Impm-taut, but
K'l Interval lu'."
"tou don't aayt"
"Yea. Ta know Ift been aald 'you
kin fool aoiue of the public all the
time.' "
"tea."
"Well, I'm that part 0' the publlc."-
Waatilugion Star.
"I hear that you've been hunting.
"Yea."
"Bag anything?"
"Nothing but my t route re."
Man al Mllllaery.
How do you Ilka my new
hat
narryf
Well, It Isn't quite aa rraxydooking
u that Inst one you bought."
Editor-Did you write (bla Joka your
self?
Jo Kryter Yea, air.
Editor-Miewl Tupu you mutt b
about 400 year of age, but I swear you
don't look It.
Batter thaa a Tip.
Guest (In restaurant-You may bring
me some roast beef."
Walter-How will you have It, air?
Guest-Well done, thou good aad
faithful servant
I laaalbla Theory.
Blggs-Tbey aay tbe worst tyrant
possible Is the liberated slave.
Dlgge I euppoae that Is why the eg'
typewriter loves to dictate to ber bus-
baud.
May Mllllaerr.
Harold, how do you like my new
fjllage bat?
Harriet, you must hear tn
truth
you look like a plaut-ttnnd."
Ktpert Arraignment.
'Mayme, hero's a college professor
who nays he baa never kltmed a girl."
'Oh, well; kit of profoundly tcleO'
tide men haven't really good common
sense."
Aad Also tawyere.
Bobble 1'n, what bnMu when car
are tucuHd?
Father The passengers see stain, my
ton.-Kinnrt Bet.
Domeel.c Oplnloa,
Ilimbnnd-I think ouljr aenslbla wom
en ought to marry.
Wife-Well, you'd be a bachelor
that were the rule.
A Psrchle Alf.tr.
"I don't eoe bow you can be to des
perately In lor with a girl whom you
have known such a short time,"
"Of course you don't. Hut I've been
loving that girl all my life before
met her."
Moat Important Thlai.
Professor Can you toll me anything
of national Importance about the Ha
wallan group of Islands?"
Bright Boy-Yet. sir. Tbe Pacific
Ocean,
A Vernal Live Wire,
Tbe man In winter flannel oft must
croon a dismal tun.
When tweet May weather tllpt a cog
and gets as bot as June.
Oaln.
' First Financier I gave my boy lid,
000 to operate wltb In the street the
other day, and be made $2,000.
Second Fluancler-Clear?
"Yes. That's wtmt be bad left."
Only Half a Bnccess,
"Your club meeting was a feast ef
reason."
"Yes, altogether; that committee
dldu't give a bite of anything to eat."
t
Cansa and I (feet.
Mia. Nextdoor Yea, my daughter Is
very persevering In her plnuo-playlng,
Do you notice that she Improving?
Mrs. .Sharps No, and I notice that
my hnshnnd't temper Isn't.-Cntbollc
Stnndurd.
A Mat I notion.
Mr. Dukan What makes Mr,
Nortlmlde so proud?
Mr. Caswell Oh. be Is one of the few
pnople that don't Halm to hare made
a barrel of money by tbe recent rise In
stocks.rittHbu2 Chronicle,
His Idas.
"1 should think," said Mr. Homewood,
"that self-respect would doter tho street
car companies from running summer
cars In cold weather."
"How's that?" asked Mr. Beachwood
"Well, dead citizens pay no tares."
A Bonsnai.
"Here's a distinguished scientist who
ays that after all there Is nothing In
germs."
"Nothing In germs? Nonsense! Why
look how much tbe doctors lav mad
out, of them."
A Neighborly Disturbance,
First Neighbor Well, my daughter
doesn't play tbe piano any worse (than
your sou wrun pucuy.
Second Ditto Perhaps n6t, but It can
ta heard so much farther.
laaiwiaa tibia.
ITs-Can't yon love me and ba ml
friend at tha aame time?
Bhe-IUrdly. There la honor among
friend', but I can do aa I plena when 1
love you.
'.it tip la Us.
"Saute old presentation of 'Uncle
Toiu't Cabin.' t suppose?
"Not much; we vs woria iu
tomobll colllalon and plantation rum
mage sale."
Rood ttarualaera.
IUas-I got aome egga of Mra. Fowlof
for 15 ceuta a doacn. I prataeu ner
baby, you know.
Fngg-That'B nothing. I bougni aome
of Fowler for l'J ceuta. I apoke in aa-
miration of his dog.-What To Eat
Nat Thai Kino.
Obterver-You don't sweat much at
your work?
Uborer-I guest not: a dollar a aay
ain't twtln' wages.
Applied Ikleace.
"This article says a man show char
acter by tb way b carries hia um
brella.
"Yea. and be show character by ids
way he carries off otbr peopl's um
brella, too,"
April Admiration.
"Say, tbat girl la A pluk hat la a
pretty a a peach."
"Oh, prettier than tbat; sh s pret
ty aa a peach tre In full bloom."
FlrU Ihlna Visitors Net lee.
Clark-I knw Miss Knom was
stranger to Chicago before you told ma.
Dearborn So? How?
Clark-8h noticed tbat all tb men
lu the car had solWd collar otv-Chl-cago
Tribune.
Iks Heeeoa.
II pnlteutly)-You prott4 A
much, dear, tbat I had to kit you.
She-Hut I don't why.
"Because t wv you too much vr to
disappoint you."
N Ho-tatce Left.
Penelope-Wby, how could you break
off your engagement with blm?
I'erdlta-W were aeaalck togmr.
Tact, -
Cobble-Ther goes (Hover, on of my
beat friend. Never knew blm to aay
one word agalnat me, ,
Htone-Yee. II' a fellow of rare
restraint
Ills Failure Kaaelt.
Umlaiuan-Sv here! How about
that 140 you owe m? You promised to
get It and send It to m at Atlantic
City by mat Friday.
Spendaman-Well, I'll tell you. I did
start to rale It but then I r member
tbat even If I did scrape It together I
couldn't send It because dldu't bar
a ttmp.-Catbollc Staudard and Tiuwa.
Tb frll f tb Hear.
Jenkins ireat Scott! tber comes
Jones. Let's turn down thia comer.
Jorkyne-Wby, do you owe him so
much a that?
Jeoklu No, but be' juat bought a
house In Brooklyn, and I'm afraid he'll
ask me over there lo dinner.-Ille't
Weekly. r .,- f
Proud Father (to bachelor friend, a
veterinary surgeon) Well, aren't tbey
grtnd?
Tb Vet M 'yea. I should keep tb
middle one, If I were you.
Kaslly Answered.
"How are you going to get along with
your examination, Jerry? r
'0, these questions are easy. Herri
one: 'M'Jiat Is the national hymnf Any
body knows what tbat la. It's 11'
whk'b one Is tbe national hymn, Mr,
Brown?"
"Why, It's-well, you know there are
half a doxen of tbem. Still, I suppos
the on we really call tha national hymn
Is Is what's tb next question,
Jerry r .
HI Claim t Distinction.
"So, tbat Is Professor Dash of tha
Blank University, I It? Well, wbat haa
he been doing to set tbe people to talk
ing about him?"
"Nothing at all-nothing but teach
bis classes. That's why I'm pointing
blm out to you."
i Case of Oennlne Humanity.
Young Uusband-Tboae are tb bls
cults you baked tbls morning, aren't
tbey, Jennie? Wbat ar you going tt
do wltb them?
Young Wife (tearful and IndlgnatW
I'm going to feed them to tb pigeon,,-
Young Husband Don't do that, deal)
for heaven's sake! I'll try to eat tbem.
ReapKtfnlly Declined.
"My boy, no clgsrettes! If you must
smoke, smoke cigars."
"But, father, I can't afford It"
"You can use mine."
"I value my friends too highly foi
that." - . - - '
" Specimen of Negro Loglo.
That famous southern clergyman
Iter. Dr. Porter, recently told a good
story Illustrating the whimsical In
genuity of the Ethiopian mind. A
southern planter who was puttied by
tbe disappearance of c great deal of
rice found out that It had been pur
loined by a favorite slave. He sent
for the latter and said: "Sam, 1 am
very sorry to discover that you- ar a
thief and have been taking nlytrloe."
Tb slave smiled and anaweriA: "I
riilr vmis tl nn nmaaiim Waa .11.
wwa. gV vrui aiwt itt.r-UL a nut Ik J
thief." "How do you make tha1)
came the query, "Well, tnnssil ;'
I belong to you, or does I hot?"! :'
you belong to me." "An doil I
rice belong to you ?" "Certainly." j
then, If 1 take tn rice and
rice It belongs to you still. It i .
gone away, from you and no other n ,
got tt, and to I couldn't have stolei
could I" Evening Wisconsin,
Th Weather Man's Complaint. I
I try to please my patrons, but tb col
tract Is no fun, I
For farmers now want lota of rala f
- carpenters want bob L. .