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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 30, 1916)
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAy, PORTLAND, JANUARY 30, 1916. 3 BEING BY MONTAGUE CLASS TRR PRRSfDEMT NO SNAP WIT MILLION BOSSES H HUNDRED Copyright. 191. ILLUSTRATIONS BY BRIGCS lob No Better Than Pullman Porters, Zapp DeclaresOpposition Is Good Advertisers, Birsky Finds FF where thev consider put- in expense Birsky it would be a of the 89th Aldennanio District. Bor- the President he should try to make a lions Wanted Male, and right at the stand me. he delivers lectures instead, credit. Zapp. that he ain't like lot of "T T ' o.P - r 2 Tl. 1 . m,T- of Bronx, to ex-Assemblyman hit with the boss. Birsky. because the top of the third column he is hit in the H'afterwards vhen the people k.ck, other feller, which run for President nng up mr. rora .or ucr . - r - - - . . ... that they got to put up fifty cents to and got licked, y'understand. and for -A- j. n 7, ,k. w Ut U .n fnrm and nve the dothine Charles J. Schein, at New Kiga Hall, President am t got no boss. eye wun. j e. r 6 . : . " R..rt 7,nn t(, waitt linn uniforms and cive the clothing Cha ff. - - - . . , ..w it manufacturer, said as he reached for a business a look-in instead of the rail- Wendover avenue, near Wth street; Amt he Birsky retortea. weu. diU pickle in Wasserbauer's restaurant, roads and the Pullman Company." . the Grand Opening of the Exhibition of that's where you make a big mistake. "Is- he a Republican or a Demo- "Might if the feller should Cott soil Fine Arts, and Fair of Harmony The President not only has got one crat?" Louis Birsky.' the real-estater. huelen become President, he would set- Lodge 123. Independent Order Sons boss, but he's got a hundred million askeA ,je own maybe." Birsky suggested. and Daughters of Manasseh. at the bosses. He is working for the entire "He, a runabout." Zapp replied. "A feller which has got the travel Armory. Sacramento, Cal.. and Memo- United States. Zapp, because if he "It seem, Lie tie day before yesterday bug couldn't settle down by becoming rial Services for the chief justice of the wasn't, what is the reason when Mr. when he takes a steamer for Norway; President any more than a Mkkerer Court of Common Pleas of Eastport. Taft was President, as you yourself fce next Kvng you Van. Ve't g &e couA swear off by becoming a bartend- Maine." said, he goes round asking everybody grip in Copenhagen; a couple days er." Zapp said. "You take the Presi- 'But the President always turns they should excuse him that he balled later he wont let reporters talk to him dent of the United States, and if he down such invitations, ain't it?" Birsky up the tariff business? Why, right now. on the dock in Hoboken; an hour after- has a mind to go running round the said. Zapp, Mr. Wilson is holding up his "Zoitenly he turns em down," Zapp friends and saying: "Listen, did you families." "Then what is the simcha about be ing President?" Birsky inquired. "Well, for one thing, the President is the balahaas," Zapp explained. "From every other job a feller could work his way up to be something bet ter. An Assemblyman could work his way up to be State Senator ; a State Senator could watch out and get to be a Congressman; a Congressman could make opportunities so that he could be a Governor,; a Governor tries hard and does his best, y'understand, and some day he is Vice-President; aber the President, when he gets to be Pres- ward he talks 'em to death in the Wal- country, y'understand, every day of his jJentt Do one could say to him: "Now, dorf; the following morning he arrives, life, he's got a choice between the l00ky-here; you are a young feller with so to speak, home in Detroit, and yes- Wind-up Dinner of the Sixth Annual a j,jg fuure if you want to take the terday he turns up right here in New Convention of the Knee Pants Manu- lrouye. Don't run around nights. Be a York at the Grand Central Palace, facturers of North America in Detroit. goCKj fejjeri j,ut not too much of a good His friend Bryan makes an awful Michigan; the First Annual Banquet feIIer. y'understand., Save your money. geschrei about the cost of running a big of the Cyprus. Penn., Business Men s jom a coupIe good lodges, and there army, but before we go to work and Association, of Cyprui, Penn.; the am't no reason why you ain't got just elect Henry Ford President of the wedding of Miss Sadie Geldfisch, so big a chance to get on as the next United States, with a salary and travel- daughter of Alderman Max Geldfiesch. one.' No. Birsky. no one could advise replied, "because as it is, 'without ac- boys hear something that the bosses cepting a single invitation nowheres, intends to make a change in my depart when it comes to showing just why ment at the end of the year?' And the a tariff bill wasn't up to the specifi- friends says: 'Why, no, we ain't heard cations or explaining that when the nothing. What makes you think that?' Democrats made a platform about Pan- .and Mr. Wilson says: "Well, I under ama Canal rates they they didn't do stand they ain't satisfied, the way I nothing of the kind and vice versa, y'un- handled that business with Frantz Jo derstand. the only difference between seph Inc. and the German-American the life of a President and the life of a Housewrecking Company, and the Pullman porter is that the President friends tells him: 'Well, say, with a big don't have to make no berths and the concern like you are working for, you Pullman porter don't have to get off no couldn't expect to please everybody. speeches. Otherwise they both spend And the next morning Mr. Wilson enough, Zapp, so he sends out the the same amount of time with their turns first thing to the Help Wanted girl to the drug store she should get for Males, and before he could find it he fifteen cents essence of pepsin, a bottle runs across the six columns of Situa- of soda mint tablets and some Bromo- Rhubarb, and then he telephones down to the Trunk Line Association they PRESIDENT Young man (49), beginner, opportunity wanted to demon strate ability1; ambitious, college erucation; knowledge typewriting, advancement object, not salary ; best references; two years' exper ience Governor, three years Dis- trict Attorney. C. S. W., Al bany, N. Y. Then underneath he sees aso: PRESIDENT Thoroughly experienced, is open for immedi ate position with country that will appreciate reliable and energetic service. Address T. R.. Oyster Bay. L. I. And the next one is: PRESIDENT Married. 62. broad, practical, experienced, so ber, honest; excellent reason for leaving last place; good penman; unquestionable references. Write W. H. T., Lock Box 66. New Haven, Conn. "With that, Mr. Wilson sees hear him lecture on account they all you hear what becomes of em. couldn't remember whether he is an ex- Zapp, they might just so well be dead baseball player oder one of them North and buried and the cemetery taken over Pole fellers, y'understand, he runs for by the Bureau of Street Openings for President again and gets licked again, a grand concourse and boulevard. Yes, understand me, and he's good for an- Zapp, compared with a feller which lost other four years' lecturing. He's been a Presidential election ten years ago, a keeping that up now for going on twen- feller which won a six-day bicycle race ty years." twenty years ago is a household name "Might l Ve runs tVus lime and gets aVteady." licked again," Zapp suggested", "fie "You're right, Birsky," Zapp said; would get offers to go into moving pic- "so after all, Birsky, you couldn't rEOPLK KICKS TH T THKY tiOT TO PUT VP KIKTV CENTS TO HEVRHIM LECTlRFi" mm -0- first thine to Mules." Kelp Wanted should ship him right away one case assorted mileage books on account he " is going to accept invitations to speak at ten dinners to be given by ten cham bers of commerce, and that's the way it goes." "Ain't Bryan advertising, too?" Zapp asked. 'Bryan don't got to advertise," Birsky said. "Everybody knows he is looking for a job as President since llHK GOEg round asking everybody they shoii.u excuse him." 1896 already. He makes.his living that which T am seejng ony ,ast week blame Mr Bryan lIiat he lecture a4 way." a fiUum by the name 'The Governor's Mr. Roosevelt that he explores and Mr. "What do you mean makes his liv- Daughter,' and if people pays ten Wilson that he goes to work running ing that way?" Zapp demanded. cents lQ see a Governor it stands to around the country and getting stomach "I mean before he runs for President reason they would pay a little more trouble at chambers of commerce din in 1 896, nobody hears of the feller at to see 'The President's Daughter,' espe- ners, Birsky, because it's the same way all," Birsky explained, "but after he cially if Bryan does the President and with President as it is with soap, 'col gets beat, it's like a lady gets off from they get some one to do the daughter Iars, tooth powder and popular price murder and they want hefto go on the like Mary Pickford or this here Anita clothing; if the name ain't kept before stage, y'understand; only as Mr. Bryan Stewart.' the public, y'understand. the people ain't no actor and couldn't sing, under- "Well, you've got to give Mr. Bryan don't ask for it again." ffl i t mm I .... jrff" sit r?M I site. , ffeli ... i .., , , 1 - -1 I - ' - - - S1-m-- j.'." ,. 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