The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current, November 21, 1909, SECTION SIX, Image 66

The Sunday Oregonian., November 21, 1909, SECTION SIX, Page 6, Image 66

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Newspaper Page TextTHE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND, SOVE3IBER 21. WOO. 6 I tf l"U 111 V WAUACfi fRVVftf ) xm Dwws fry Cousin Ketfl l J km. rj 9 .v e r. li i v i. i n -w i i l.vv umw'4 spv.i i i v enj si; i Jill -; - . - i vr "r TALKING TO PORTFOLIO DIAZ Who's Who in Havana - Cigar Language Land To Editor Oregonian. where English 1s still spoken. Respectable Sir: B AND Cousin Nogi was also pres fB ent at that auspicious moment when ' ' Hon. Wm. Taft. Pres. of IT. S. and lion. Portfolio Dial. Pres. of Ilex., shook each other so lovingly on Interna tional Bridge, saying in sweet Spanish syllables. "Silas dido vanilla. Scnorita!" t do not understand this Havana Cigar Language, but Cousin Nogi. who ,ha-e been in America long enough to learn nearly every education, explain to !m that Hon. Taft was saying. "When ' In history have two such Rulers met in 'this way?" and Hon. Dial was saying .' "tro such Rulers as you would wreck tho bridge!" (Maybe you must not publish this con versatlon. Mr. Editor. Cousin Nogl is oftenly a -ery truthless reporter.) Wo stood in crowd of Pinkorton Police. Gendarmes, Militia and other loving sub 1 jects. One loving subject, lnflamnwd by Mexican gin-wine, holla. "Mexico & America is sweet sisters by one mother!" "They must have separate fathers, their : complexions is so different." yall Cousin Nogl 'with voice. Several foot-kickers ar ; rive to us from. Plnkerton Police who was .there to see that International Feeling ' did hot explode & kill somebody. Pretty soon Hon. Taft & Hon. Diaz, disappear In direction of Dining Car holding- each other's elbows like twin affinities. Hon. Taft was talking In Spanish. Nothing he had said since his Tariff Speech has been so hard for Americans to understand. When they was completely gone away. I look to my Cousin Nogl & say distinctly: "I must make Interview to that Diaz main. He is not only the Champeen Kuler of the 'Western Hemisphere, but he'- Is also so rich that he would "be noticed even In the V. S. Senate." So I buy car-fare to City of Mex and another similar one for Nogl (who Is married & can't therefore afford nothing) an together we take a trip through that large, blank Kingdom of Mexico where folks la yellow like Japanese, but much less refined. Of finally we arrive to City of ilex, where we must await 2 weeks for", arrivo-back of Hon. Diaz, who had not yet done so. While awaiting them 2 weeks we spend our time at Bull-Kill game, which are a very brutal sport, and therefore en joyed by all. . Of finally we learn by news-print how Hon. Diaz have arrived back, so we buekled on.our frockaway coats and silk derbies and. with Immediate quickness, eloped to Presidential Palace. Tills place look like a White House, rui xo it G i OIN" to celebrate Thanksgiving-, I s'pose?" said the House De t.efive of the St. Reckless. "I am." said the Hotel 'Clerk, "re gardless of expense. Thanksgiving day is one of the institutions that have come down to us from the Pilgrim Fathers that I'm very strong for. About this time of year I open the paper some morning and after I've read the dispatches from Breathitt County, Kentucky, and the accounts of the foot ball games and am properly stocked up with enough disaster and sudden death to carry mo over for the next twenty-four hours In a right frame of mind, I turn to the inside pages and find there a proclamation by the Presi dent stating that whereas, owing to the new tariff and the Republican party being in power, all of us are in a high state of prosperity, or If not, it's our own fault, and therefore be it ordained that everybody gives thanks next Thursday, except turkeys, pumpkins, oyster stuffings and possibly the par ents of a few dozen half-backs and tackles and things. "We ought to celebrate loo. not only In memory of the Pilgrim Fathers, au thors of the New England boiled din ner and tho well-done witch, but be cause when we ioon arounu ua vie ki ihat we've got a whole lot of things to be thankful for. Lemme see now: There's the North Pole, for example. I'm verv thankful that the North Pole has been discovered so extensively and thCrouglily. and that it's been decorated with nails and flags and grass tubes and souvenir postcards and" colored photos of Matt Hanson, until the next dauntless explorer will think that what ho beholds looming before him across the frozen wastes, is The Farthest North Five and Ten Cent Store. Ksquimoe Levy, pro prietor. I n!was have contended that the Pole wasn't properly wrapped up to withstand the rigors of the climate up there. So I'm thankful fur that, too thankful almost for words, and if the gentlemen wno say mey oeen meic 1 . . ;n . I. r. - ..io nlPA5incr flllri word less state of mind, I honestly believe I could cry out In my joy. "I'm thankful, also, that the little Mount McKlnley incident Is settled for the time being. Dock Cook says the guiding gentleman who accompanied him as far toward the summit as the city t;Kftnl9 -fnnt. In several dip fcrent kinds of a' liar, and the guiding gentleman nas responua ' , 1 - Ua mA ftf them. SO. iar be it from me to intimate that either one of them is wrong in his diagnosis. "I'm thankful for the prospect of a nice quiet Winter. Colonel Gwana Tumbo won't be home till Spring. I'm thankful that we've had a successful horse show, because a honse is getting to be quite a tihow anvway, and I'm thankful to note In the public prints that the ladies at 1 tho grand opera have quit trying to out- ntrlp one another in tho matter of dress. ' Soma of them did so much outstripping but more large & satisfied, like the Pres ent Incumbrance were expecting to be elected, as usual. Cousin NOgl carry a pocket Dictionary of Spanish, so he will bo able to answer any hard words we chance to meet. In Receiving Department of this Palace we set patiently till a gentleman look ing like Hon.'Wm. Loeb disguised as a drum-major, approached to us & say tackfulls "Would you Japanese Schoolboys wish a audience with His Excellent Suprem acy?" "No. Sir, thanks plenty." I report. "Me and Nogl are , shy about talking to a audience. A confidential chatter with Hon. Diaz will be sufficient laborious, thank you." So six Police. 2 Bull Fighters & a PUikerton remove all umbrellas, -watches, cigars other deadly weapons from our clothing. Our photos, measurements and previous bad character are handed over to Chief of Police, and after being examined by a Chemist to see that we are not poisonous In any way, a Major Genera! In a suit of gold embroidery, march up and say, "You are permitted to address Pres. Diaz as suspicious persons." So me & Nogl are lock -stepped for wards and ushed into a room which ap pear very high & expensive, like the Czar of Russia had just moved out. On some fancy .furniture in center of this compartment sat a familiar Statesman of Colorado maduro complexion. Cousin Nogl give me sly nuj and advance for wards opening his Spanish Dictionary in hopes of finding1 some polite words. "Beano Diaz, Senor!" he pronounce booklshly. Pres Diaz look to Nogl with iced glance. "Excuse, please, I do not understand German." pronounce this Mexican boss, speaking American with a Cincinnati axent. I step outwards bending my respectful stomack. "High-up Sir." I say with bends, "please not to listen to Nogl he is only my Cousin, but I am Hashlmura Toga, a yellow reporter, coming here to inter view you for a few important replies.". "I am prepared for anything" say Hon. Portfolio, folding his lips like a hero. "Many folks believes," I deploy, "that you are a very wrong King; that you press the peasantry, batter the Indiana and refuse to go to Africa on Mach 4, as modest Persons has done." "So. ha!" express Hon. Portfolio with smiling teeth. "Senor Togo, you have been reading the magazines." "Is it not true that Mexico is a rude country full of savages and other bar bers?" I reproach. Lb! last year that I expected any day to hear of arrests being made. 'Twas hard to tell whether a society icaaer was uieou for an opera or an operation. And on many a cold night Lncla de Lammamoor and old-fashioned lumbago ran a dead that heat. And 1 m very, very uiaimiui . . ..rr.:nctta TY1 IlL'P tTl f Tl t 1 aCQUiring such headway in this country." "iou are7 saia me riuuse iwnn.u In a startled tone of voice. "Fur why?" "Because." said the Hotel Clerk, "when the women get the vote maybe then they'll quit taking all the men's Jobs away from them. I'd be entirely recon ciled to the idea of having Mrs. Belmont or aire, uarence r a v iv, , . v with May Marton as the secretarette of stale ana airs, itonrer in tuwuo Department of the Interior and Butter lck's Fashions as the official organ of l A .3 n. iniatrallrtn if T OnlV had the guarantee that the' hand that rocks the cradle wouldn t eventually o iue uouu that lays the DricK. "Just look around you. Larry, and see how few pursuits are still left to the ? Who dves us our dictations at lmme and takes them from us at our oinces out tpcua of the words wrong and has the same idea' of punctuation that a fir has? Woman, lovely woman, strong-minded, horny-handed woman, that's who. Who is It that we used to give up our seats on the streetcar to. If by nature polite, but now takes them away from us? Need I ask? Who is it that fights with us for the most desirable place in the aisle and wins It by main brute strength? You know already without my telling you. How often, as you travel back and forth, does It make your heart bleed to see some inoffensive and shrinking young haberdashery clerk forced to dangle from a strap, limp and wan. while a brawny lady boiiermaker or female scene shifter sits with her feet out in the aisle occupy ing seating space for two? But you don't dare to protest. She might make your nose bleed, too. In our boasted, civiliza tion what has become of the tender, shrinking, fragile female of our grand father's day who suffered from megrims and vapors, and regarded taking a pill as being in the nature of a square meal? Don't ask me, for I can't tell you. I guess, though, she's put on a walking skirt and a pair of bulldog shoes and Is out trying to take some poor roan's means of livelihood away from him. Anyway this isn't grandfather's day any more. It's grandmother's. And she's there with the wallop, too. "Who's got most of the desirable Jobs in the business world and is hot after the others? Is it little Johnnie Jones? No, sir. it's all his sister Sue. Who's the tennis champion? Cousin . . . . . .1 v. V. . 1 M Maggie. wno" mauo bwi score at the country club this Fail? Great Aunt Clarissa, seventy-four years old. and prominent in politics. 1 ten yuu, . " " ' o 1 " - debt of gratitude to those dear lads that Still retain poseeavij HI i-wo uuo goods department and the embroidery counter &i nio ur.iuu. " mayn't realize It,- but they're pretty Ik. 1 V. ., 1 V A-f lit SA-V T near inn ma, uu. " - ui therefore take a minute off and be taw m- -i m Ttnn. Portfolio Diaz lean back in nis cozy chair and offer me a chew of to bacco from a silver plug. "When we met at El Paso," he re port, "Senor Don Blllio Tafta of Wash ington and the United States asked ma the same similar question. " 'Portv he says. am t aiexico pretty tough Monarchy, in spite -of the way we love it officially ? Ain't it ashamed the way you go on year by year for getting to resign and nominating your self by exclamation every time there's a Republican convention anywhere?' " 'Bill, I says, 'you're jalus. You are disabled to obtain a third term because Public Sentiment is against it. In Mex ico I am Public Sentiment. Same ways with everything else. Whenever you take slight trip seeing America, persons is always arising "up in audience asking for smart replies about Tariff. In Mex ico never have to answer such hard replies, because I am the Tariff!" " "But do not Mexican newspapers make sais-talk to you sometimes?" is next from me. "Seldom, if never," he explode calmly. "You see, I am also an editor myself." And the Grand Old Man of Mexico drag from his pocket a slight rag of print with following information "Daily Reporto Mexica'no (P. Diaz, Busi ness Manager). GREAT . FUSIOX MEETING!! All Indications Point to Popular Land ' slide for OUR POPULAR HERO. "At Oddfellows hall last night a rousing fusion meeting was held, the capacious temple being packed by all classes of citizens, including two Insurgents who eluded the police. Hon. P. Diaz, Republi can candidate for President, was the first speaker (applause). Many able arguments were enjoyed, after which the second speaker. General Portfolio Diaz. Demo- VH&.HABFDeXSHE.R.V CLERIC LIMP ANbyArJ'SFORCED'TO- .n ; OTnlr,AA f.ir -Prosirtont- arose (31)- plause) and said in part. 'Seldom in poll ticks does two candidates agree so per fectly.' "General Reyes, Anarchist nominee for the same exalted office, was not present, being detained in Yucatan by his rev olution. The date of his execution is not yet set, but It is rumored it will be some time In the Spring." "Are elections very popular in Mexico?' require Nogi impudently. "Intensely so," say Portfolio. "Would not elections be popular In United States if nobody had to vote? Hon. Frank Hitchcock knows with bitter sorrow that elections ' in America cost our beloved sister republic the sum of $2,000,000 each time it Is shot off. Mexico is not wealthy enough for such dissipations. When elec tion day arrive here it come so quietly no one knows It is there. The Secretary of War. the enter or ronoe ana me presi- dent of the Cigar-makers' Union meet at' of War. the Chief of Police and the presi . h Tni ahnfcn hands and vote, as usoial. for the Regular ticket. No noise, no riot only an occasional shooting is en joyed." "But there are many delicious abuses to be reformed in Mexico, ain't it?" I ask intelligently. "I acknowledge a few." otter him. I am also told that some sections of Amer ica needs reforming." I make note of this phenomenal. "Mexico have Indian slaves." I dib. "America have Child Labor," lie snipp. "Mexico have a cruel prison system," I reject. " "America have a cruel Railway bys tem." he rebuke. "Cheese up this conversation!" whisper Cousin Nogl. "If 2 lonesome Japanese should tight all Mexico, they would be bruised. I change the subject with voice full of tack?. "Hnn Fittreme Highness, 1 smigssrst. smoothly" "What affectionate spntlnient , t.b. nnav from Hoil. Fle3 1 aTl when you separated away from him?" Hon. Diaz look uply with deep Span ish eyes. Immediately I noticed lie was a Potn In addition to his other jobs. "Ah' that Bridge at El Paso!" ha nar rate. "How should I forget it the Bridge' Wasn't there once a great Ameri can bookmaker, name of Longfellow," he reauesh. "Hon. Chas Fairbanks was a long fel low." I derange. "Not him this Longfellow was a Fost er" what wrote rhymical song-eing called The Bridge.' It was a pretty good poem, but I have fixel It slightly." Ho produce an excited manuscript from desk and show it to me and Nogl. rol lowing was it: The International) Bride. t cinnH r,n the Bridge at Texas When the gong was striking for lunch And William stood in the middle (You could hear the timbers scrunch) And a? he stood so nea-r me, Hie fair hand laid in mie. , budget of Thoughts came o'er mc That filled my eyes with brine. How seldom. O how seldom in the Modern World, I wis. Ha a Light King trumped a Dark one In a game of Bridge like this. And I thought how the Correspondents Who noted our hour of pride Would be tapping the good old cables O'er the ocean far and wide. And I thought of the many millions In various mining specks . By Yankee concerns invested In the mineral lands of Mex. And I could not help reflecting As I stood on that structure fair. That Blood is thicker than Water, And Water Is thicker than Air. "That is nearly the best Poem I ever read." I say unanimously. "It might sound very well In Spanish, ' report Nogi. T v,v-o ftptilv thoueht." say Hon. Diaz, "that, when my term of office ex pires. I should imitate Don Theorodoro Rosfelto and become a magazine writer. "When shall you retire?" require me r XTrtari PTMtahlv. "Queen 6abe?" require he is perfect Spanish. "A great Philosopher once said. When you are In you are very, very In; v,,. n-hon won ara Out vnu are Nowheres.' Do you know the name of the Philosopher wi uu "u" what said that wisdomr also thankful for Clarence and Algle. Women to sell us safety razors and cooking stoves in the basement, women to put up the prescriptions in the pharmacy on the top floor; women to do the buying for the carpet depart ment and the grocery annex, but, thank Heavens, there stand those noble boys still holding the babyribbon and the neckwear against overwhelming odds. "If things keep on the way they're keeping, on. what's ahead of us, I ask you? I can shut my eyes and soe the finish. Gentlemen admitted free at the popular priced matinees when accom panied by one paid admission and a lady escort. A cfmical lady clown standing on a blue barrel and holding up a paper hoop for the barebaejt gen tleman rider in the tarleton lamp shade skirts to jump through, while a tall and courtly ringmistress snaps a blacksnake whip and a troupe of husky canvas mesdames and misses tote in the Iron tank containing the perform ing seals. Bold girls-aL -'t-town, rep rimanded by stern police court magis tresses for flirting with' unprotected vouths on the street. Supreme Court justicettes. lady ..aggage smashers, fe male headwalters, and Journeyman pi ano movers and boss boiler makers answering to the names of Clara and Maud. I might lake a living, I sup pose, as a manicure, ar.1 you'd do well to be taking lessons in hairdressing. If you don't want to become a charge on the county. "That's the way it looks from my private box, Larry. And that's why I'm so special extra thankful this Thanks giving that the Suffragettes arc mak ing those marvelous forward strides that they've been bragging about- You see when they get the votes and then land the offices and then get the civtl service list into the proper or female bands and then get all the Federal pa tronage carefully laid by", there may be a fresh chance for us. They'll probably be so busy designing plackets and gores for the Flag a:.d Issuing black and white stamps for mourning en velopes and replacing the weather bu reau reports with dally fashion hints, that they may let up on this relent less industrial warfare that's now got Father wondering if he's too old to learn plain sewing or laundry work, should the worst come to the worst.' "Ain't you goin" to do nothin' to cel ebrate the day excep' just to go 'round givin" thanks out loud?", asked the House Detective. "Oh. yes, I suppose so, said the Ho tel Clerk. "I guess I'll go over the regular route the same as everybody else. We're a great people. Larry, as you may have heard some of our newspapers and our orators announc ing In a subdued and modest undertone from time to time, but when it comes to thinking up a different method of observing one of our typical American holidays, I regret to report that we're a large, sad. fliversome bunch. We want to celebrate the very worst way, and wo do. So I rather imagine that on the coming Thursday, I'll eat about four times as much dinner as I want. And then I'll go to a nice steam-heat "Perhapsly it was Hon. Socrates of Athens." I detach. "Ah no! it was Don. Joseplio ( an nonio de Dan villa." corrode Hon. Diaz brushing us out of his office l'ke we was too numerous. Hoping you are the same Yours trull' HASHlML'i; A TOGO. (Copyright, ISM1, by the Associated Lit erary Fre.s.s.) Vscs of Kerosene. How many housekeepers know the value of kerosene to llpliten housework! There are few departments where it can not be used to advantage. Try it the next time you clean silver. Moisten tlie chamois with kerosene and rub dlscolorations vigorously. Two tablespoonfuls of coal oil to a basin of cold water will clean windows in half the time. Wash and dry with a soft cloth or tissue, paper. Porcelain lined sinks and tubs are cleanel Instantly by rubbing with a flan nel wet in kerosene. It can also he used on cooking utensils if well scrubbed later. To keep linoleum, hard wood, and stained floors clean, cover the broom with soft flannel and moisten with kerosene Have ono broom and the same cover can be used repeatedly. Two traspoonfnls of coal oil in a boiler of hot water will aid in quick whitening of soiled clothes. A flannel just moistened in kerosene will keep mahogany furniture free from that ugly look. It must be well rubbed In. Boxing as Aid to Writing. Conan Doyle In the' Strand Magazine. They say that every form of knowl edge comes useful sooner or later. Cer tainly my own limited experience in btx- InK and my very large aciiuaiumie-c ".v.. r.f tUo. nriy.e rlnor found their lllV limn. v. ..... - ---c. - ft scope when I wrote "Rodney Stone. No one but a ugniing man woum think, quite understand.or appreciate some .... . . , . m .-..-.- 41, a of the detail, a in ui mure l. T3 Tim ficrht "RprkS. tO a BCeiie Mieo xn'j m.i., ... . prize fighter as the latter lay In what proved to be nis lasi. inncsr. j-m ....... t a iv. nT,-lT,,r animation Until the lisi.en.eu v.ilh reader came to the pInt where the second advises Boy Jim. in lecnmcoj j"s" how to get at nis ku oiiu,,.... "That sit! By , ne s gut linn; onU.i .,. i v, k.j if wBR an Incident uw man in mo ----- " " . , which gave me pleasure when I heard It. A Bnchelor'a Plaint. She left her babe with mo and went To shop In town a while, And I. before the day was spent, Was much too sad to smile; For eon before she passed from view, -And left a lonely man. It acted just as if it knew, And then the fun began. It wept and walled; it roared and squalled: It kicked: it's face turned red; It squawked and blatted, howled and bawled Enough to wake the dead. It yowled and screeched as lustily As forty cats In fight I never though such lungs could be In such a tiny mite. I heaved a sigh and setled down To make the best of it; And just before she came from town The darling cherub quit. Would she believe the little cuss Had made such awful noiso? Ah. no. She e'en addressed it thus: "Oo bestest 'haved of boys!" Chicago News. ed theater, where all the ventilators are tightly nailed up and wedge my semi comatose form into an orchestra seat that's two lasts too narrow for me I'm one of those broad D's and sleep through three hours of a musical show and then go home and Indlgest freely all night. And the next morning I II be In a position to give thanks all over again. "For wot?" asked the House Detec tive. 'For having lived through it," said the Hotel Clerk. The Making ot Slocks. It will be found quite impossible to economize time on tho home-made stock and jabot. Money may be saved on them, without a doubt; but money saved meaii3, invariably, time spent. Stocks and jabots, plisses. dainty ties and collars mean, one and all, hand sewing. This is not all they involve. There is a certain feeling for the beautiful that should be cultivated, if It" is not natural, rcfore the ordinary busy woman will be a successful maker of lingerie. ' Failing In this, the lirft thing to he studied is the model. No one who will actually and faithfully copy a modol can go far wrong. It often proves a danger ous experiment to diverge In the smallest particular from the pattern selected. This Is a natural state of affairs, when one realizes that the makers of exquisite neckwear have spent many years per fecting patterns and working out their present models. Handwork and careful measurements are the keynotes. Biieh pieco of material that goes into a jabot, for instance, should b" measured and cut exactly like its model. This should be accurate, down to tho very width of the insertion and the lace, and even to the size of the hem. The materials, too, all have been thosen with an eye to a certain desired erTeet. and they should be followed without deviation, except in the matter of .actual lace designs, which are not usually matchahle. 5ureeaee of Sorrow. A hundred years from now you will not care How strong men may oppress the poor and weak: You will not mourn because you may not share The privileges that today ycu seek. A hundred years from now you will not sigh For pleasures that you have no right . ' to claim; You will not care for whom the ban ners fly. Nor be concerned because of praise or blarne! A hundred yc-.rs from now you'll have no spite. Against the ones whom you have met in strife. Nor will you steal "home softly, late at night To be cross-questioned by your wait ing wife. Chicago, Record-Herald.