The Sunday Oregonian., March 21, 1909, SECTION SIX, Page 3, Image 57

THESUND AY OREGOXIAX. PORTLAND,' MARCH 21, 1909.
a
: i
To Editor of The Oregonian -who are seldom suprised when some
sudden Vibration or Think-Wave come from direction of Wash
ington & who are quite willing, thank you, to publish New
Thought, if it got any News in it, ,
Affectionate Hon. Mr.:
I HAVE been nearly in danger of getting something. About 2
weeks of yore I go to a lecture by Mrs. Kate Lew Ellen '
Sweeney, New Thoughter, on subjeck of "Love Vibrations:
they Can Move Anything." I enjoy this epeek very much because
it were free & full of difficult words.
She-say, "New Thought are sure-cure for most ailnesses what
human flesh is hair to. If you don't believe it, get sick & try it
on yourself. Love, when took internally, becomes a very angry
dynamo & will kick out any Disease now living. ' "When used
externally love projects. Learn to vibrate & project. It are
Nature's way. If Nature refuse to show you how, I will teach you
for $5 a lesson. When a Soul are completely passive it become
energized," she say with voice.
I set silently attempting to assimiliate them words she said-it.
"Success can be got by New Thought," she snuggest. "If
you got right vibrations of mind & soul you can turn yourself
into anything you like."
"Please, I should like to turn myself into a Swedish dairy
man," I say out-loudly, because I was wistful for that job I seen
advertised in this morning's news-press.
"Perhapsly you might," she response with slight tone of peev.
"Love are a very high-powered energy. It make the World go
round. Nothing are so cumbrus & heavy that Love cnn't move
it when it get started."
"Will Love ever become a cheap fuel for ottomobiles?" are
next request I make; but Mrs. Sweeney make angry bicker with
finger to Hon. Usher who push me to stairway where I am soon
outside.
So I go to saloon of Hon. Strunsky for teach him this New
Thought because re are Irish & fond of refinement.
"Hon" Strunsky," I ask-it, "what are a soul when it become
completely passive?"
"It are paralyzed," report Strunsky. "When a soul become
completely passive around this saloon I usually teleph-.nes to his
friends to come & take him home."
"I make note of this phenominal.
"Can persons be cured of ill diseases by shooting New Thought
at it?" I next require.
"Not around here they can't," reject Hon. Strunsky with Irish
curse. "If you wish to attempt any such comickal business, go
try it on the Dog."
"Ah, no, can't do!" I reject. "My dog O-Fido are a valuable
canan & must not be risked. Complete bulldogs is ofttenly worth
$500; and I suspect O-Fido must contain at leastly $1.60- worth
of this scarce Dreed. Therefore I shall try it on Uncle Nichi who
are less valuable." '
So I depart off and do so.
At my room in Patriots of Japan Hotel I have remained for
SY VfASH! tfUA TOGC ( WALLACE I RWINI)
"New Thought" and How to Catch It
2 week3 attempting to vibrate. I shall soon quit-it, thank you,
because can't do.
At firstly it seemed so easy it look deceptive. I fasten my
brain-thoughtsio'n home of Mrs. Lusy Macdonald where I got job
nursing her geraniums for $1.25 weekly payment. I make vibra
tions in that direction. I tell my Thoughts to atomize them
plants carefully with warm water. This is done. I instruct my
Soul to pick-away all Hon. Bugs from, leaves of them flowers &
dust lovingly with Inseck-powder. This are accomplished. Then
I send extra strong vibration to remove them plants to sunny
window and dig around roots with table-knife. My Thoughts
inform me that this diseagreeable job have been also completed.
Then I await patiently till Saturday night for my $1.2 5 pay
to arrive from Mrs. Macdonald which is usual. But it do not
came, thank you! . .
"What to do?" I inquire of my Thought. "Please send I
immediate vibration to Mrs. Macdonald to collect them $1.25
which she owe me for mental job I done to her plants."
No response, thank you, till next morning when following let
ter come-in by male:
"H. Togo, Dearest Sir:
"You need not arrive here no more. Geraniums is all fatally
dead & Bunkio Saguchi have got your job for more intelligence
& less pay. Yours truthfully,
"LUSY MACDONALD (MRS.)."
When this literary note arrive I am filled with entire disgust
& enjoy angry rages at my Soul for not telling me about them
geraniums. Then I think, maybe, my Soul was mad because I
treat him like a errand-boy. So I attempt to be a Mental Heeler.
I think of Sago Osaki, Japanese grocer, who have been bed-riding
for years with sick asthma in his joints & knuckles. So I call
up my Soul & say to him:
"Go to bedsted of S. Osaki, Japanese groceries, & give him
some love-waves for his inner side; also several vibrations to be
took before meals. ( Tell him he will get well as soon as he
feels so."
My Soul obey & I await satisfaction. . Next morning-time my
Cousin Nogi make approach to my room and decrop:
"You hear what about S. Osaki, Japanese grocer?"
"What about?" I require with nervus calm.
"He are now painless," relapse Nogl.
"So Joy!" I snatch out. "Have he entirely recovered?".
"Almost," sa Nogi. "He are now dead."
This morning my Japanese school-frends become teased about
my strange absence & make call-see in my room to find why.
Among them present was S. Wanda, Uncle Nichi, Arthur Kicka
hajama. Cousin Nogi, Bunkio Saguchi & little Annie Anazuma,
I are still in bed when they see me there.
"What suffering from?" ask Cousin Nogi hopefully.
"Not sure," I dib. "It feel like La Grip; but I suspect maybe
I got a slight touch of New Thought."
"What are New .Thought?" dement little Annie Anazuma.
"It are Christian Science warmed over into a sort of Hash
for Heathens," are sharp report from me.
S. Wanda who are a Socialist & believe in nearly everything,
say it are possible to do something sometime by New Thought or
Something like it. He tell sad story about gentleman in Minny
sota who wish to get job left vacant by Wm. Loeb on Taft Cabinet.
So he send one very noisy Vibration to White House asking Hon.
Pres to fix it for him. Howeverly, that Hon. Vibration never get
there, because it were wrecked by a dangerous Sound Wave run
ning back & forth between White House & Congress.
"Are New Thought new?", ask Uncle Nichi patiently.
"It are no newer than any other form of joke," say Cousin
Nogi. "It were first discovered in dawn of history when England
were inhabited by Hon. Niggers who slep In holes & led healthy,
superstitious lives. In them days when Hon. Patient were suffer
ing from appendix of the stummick it were very hard to call in
Hon. Doctor because medicine were discovered 10,000 years later
& it are difficult to make a mad appendix wait so long."
"What to do, then, to cure that Hon. Sick?" I ask for -scare.
"Quickest & cheapest way were to- shoot him," say Cousin
Nogi. "But savagery had then reached too refined a state for
such a rude practise. So Hon. Patient were given a Mental Heel.
Firstly he were requested to think Cheerful Thoughts & assistants
were appointed to stand around with clubs to see that he done so.
Chief Medicine Man then created Health Vibrations by pounding
a log with a hambone. -That there treatment were continued for
3 weeks when Hon. -Patient grow tired of music or die getting
well. This were earliest variety of New Thought."
"There are nothing new under the sun," I say for discovery.
"Hon. Solomon make that remark already," devote S. Wanda.
"Hon. Solomon are always stealing my bright sayings," are
sulk from me.
"And yet persons is oftenly cured by New Thought in favor
able cases," ollicute Bunkio.
"What are a 'favorable case?' " require Wanda.
"A 'favorable case' are one what ain't got nothing the matter
with her," snub Nogi. "Many & numerous cures is recorded for
such cases. Following wonderful miracles is clipped from 'Daily
Vibrator & Thriller,' New Thought pipe-organ:
" '1 Mrs. C. W. O'Brien, dippymaniac, imagine her stummick .
were carpeted with green moss. After 10 weeks treatment
she imagine it was gone. It was.
2 Dollfus Smitz, plumber, imagine he can write plays." New
Thought stage-manager treat Dollfus for 3 rehearsals when
the Patient realize his mistake & quit.
'3 W. Furo, Japanese hardware, imagine he got a toomer on
his brain. Case very stubborn, like Furo. Finally New
Thinker coax him to think he ain't got no brain. Great relief
. to Furo & his wife." " '
"I should not care for New Thoughts because I ain't not got
no disease," .abrupt little Annie Anazuma.
"Howeverly, you might still need it," confuse S. Wanda.
"Many well persons takes New Thoughts to make them successful
in Business."
"Tell us how to do it so we can get rich!" ollicute Nogi &
Bunkio & Uncle Nichi & little Annie Anazuma in unicorn.
"To get rich by New Thought you must do following way:
"Firstly you must choose some business you wish to get rich
by. Suppose-it you wish to become one RR magnet. You get
maps of this RR you wish to own and begin to think about it.
You place your mind in report with harmony. You make your
soul act passive. You must not wish no harm to nobody. You
must surround your office with several rows of loving Vibrations
-full of sweet & gentle thoughts "
"Wanda, you are making a clatter!" are sharp voice from me.
"Railroads is not acquired by sweet thoughts & gentle vibrations.
Love-waves is useless also for this. Folks who knows Hon. E. H.
Harriman are sure he never coaxed Northern Pacific by making
harmonious sounds with his Soul."
Disappointment enjoyed by all.
"In this Christian kingdoni,""I say further, "m.ost business i3
done by the gentleman who can feel the most disagreeable for .
the longest time at a stretch."
"But are not Hon. Carnegie a Christian Scientist?" arrange ;
Bunkio.
"In early struggly of career he were a Heathen Scientist. Ha
can now afford to think anything he wants to on Religion &i
Tariff."
"Do not Hon. Rockefeller believe in sweet Thought Waves j
when talking to reporters?" ask Wanda to me.
"When Hon. Rockefeller were laying pipe-line of Success he
were the most disagreeable man in Pennsylvania," I mark-out i
with Ida M. Tarbell reminder. "Hon. Rockefeller are now rich i
enough to do anything even' look pleasant." j
"Elderly capitalists should not be blamed for indulging In
foolish luxuries," announce little Annie Anazuma who are too
young to be out.
Hoping you are the same.
Yours truly,
HASHIMURA TOGO.
(Copyright, 1909, by P. F. Collier & Son.)
'UGH B JLWELl .
FORD
SAT, there's times when we think all
the rapid motion In the world gets
Its start right here In New York;
don't we? Well, It's an idle dream.
I've just been next to a superenergized
specimen that come from the north end
of nowhere: and the experience has lett
sne out of breath.
It begins this way: One night a
short time back me and Sadie was ait-tin-
as quiet aad domestic as you please
in our twelve by fourteen cabinet fin
ished dlnin'-room on the seventh floor.
We was gazin' out of the open windows
watohln" a thunder storm meander over
towards Long Island, and Tidson was
just servin' the demitasses, when
there's a ring- on the 'phone. Tidson,
he puts down the tray and answers the
call.
"It's from the office, sir," eays he.
"Some one to see you, sir."
"Me?" says I. "Get' a description,
Tidson, so I'll know what to expect."
At that he asks the room clerk for
details, and reports that it's two young
ladies by the name of Bllckens.
"What!" says Sadie, prlckin" up her
ears. "You dont" know any young
women by that name, do you. Shorty?"
"Why not?" says I. "How can I tell
until I've looked 'em over?"
"Humph!" says she, "Blickens!"
"Sounds nice, don't it?" says I. "Kind
of snappy and interestln'. Maybe I'd
better go down and"
"Tidson," gays Sadie, "tell them to
send those young persons up here!"
"That's right, Tidson," says I. "Don't
mind anything I say."
"Blickens, indeed!" says Sadie, eyein'
me sharp, to see if I'm blushin' or get
tin' nervous. "I never heard you men
tion any such name."
"There's a few points about my past
life." says I, "that I've had sense
enough to keep to myself. Maybe this
Is one. Course, if your curiosity "
"I'm not a bit curious. Shorty Mc
Cabe," she snaps out, "and you know it!
But when it comes to "
"Tho Misses Blickens," says Tidson,
holdin' back the draperies with one
hand and smotherln' a grin with the
other.
Say, you couldn't blame him. What
steps In Is a couple of drippy females
that look like they'd Just been fished
out of a tank. And beln wet wasn't
the worst of It. Even if they'd been
dry, they must have looked bad enough,
but In the soggy state they was the
limit. .
They wa'n't mates. One is tall and
willowy, while the other is short and
dumpy. And the fat one has the most
peaceful face I ever saw outside of s
pasture, with a regular Holstein-Frie-slsn
set of eyes the round, calm,
thoughtless kind. The fact that she's
cnewin gum helps out the dairy lm
presslon. too. It's plain she's been
caught in the shower and has sonoed
up her full share of the rainfall; but it
aon i seem to trouble her an v.
There ain't anything pastoral about
the tall one. though. She's alive all
Hie way from her runover heels to the
wiggly end of the limp feather that
flops careless like over one ear. She's
the long-waisted. giraffe-necked kind
but not such a bad looker if you can
lorget the depressin costume. It had
been a blue cheviot once, I guess; the
sort that takes on seven shades of pur
ple about the second season. And it fit
her like a damp tablecloth hung on a
cnair. er runnin mate Is all in black
and you could tell by the puckered
seams and the twisted sleeves that It
was an outfit the village dressmaker
had done her worst on.
Not that they gives us much change
for a close size-up. The lengthy ona
piKes right into the middle of the rocftn,
brushes a stringy lock of hair off her
face, and unllmbers her conversation
works.
"Gosii!" rays she, openln' her eyes
wide and lookln round at the rugs and
furniture. "Hops w fcaweot pulled up
Are you Shorty
says I.
at the wrong ranch
McCabe?"
"Among old friends, I am,'
Now If you come under " j
"It's all right, Phemey," says she, mo- !
tionin' to the short one. "Sit down."
"Sure!" says I. "Don't mind the fur
niture. Take a couple of chairs."
"Not tor me!" says the tall one. "Til
stand in one spot ajid drip, and then
you can mop up afterwards. But Phe
mey. she s plumb tuckered."
It s sweet of you to run In." said I.
'Been wadln' in the park lake, or en-
joyin' the shower?"
Enjoying the shower is good." savs
she; "but I hadn't thought of describ-
ng it that way. I reckon, though.
you'd like to hear who we are."
Oh, any time when you get to that."
says I.
"That's a Joke, is it?" savs she. "If
it Is, Ha! ha! Excuse me if I don't
laugh real hearty. 1 can do better
when I don't feel so much like a
sponge. Malzie May Blickens is my
name, and this is Euphemia Blickens."
Ah!" says I. "Sisters?"
'Do we look It?" says Maizie. "No!
First cousins on the whiskered side.
Ever hear that name Blickens before?"
'Why er why " says I. scratchin'
my head.
'Don't dig too deep." says Maizie.
"How about Blickens' skating rink In
Kansas City?"
"Oh!" says I. "Was it run by a gent
they called Sport Blickens?"
It was, says she.
"Why. sure," I goes on. "And the
I had my match there with the Pedini-
when I'd spent my last bean on a month's
tralnln' expenses, and the Pedlar's backer
was wavin- a thousand-dollar side bet
under my nose, this Mr. Bllckens chucked
me his roll and told me to call the bluff."
xes. tnat was dad. all right." savs
Maizie.
'It was?" eays I. "Well . well' Now
if there's anything I can do for"
v hoa up;"' says Maizie. "This i no
grubstake touch. Let's get that off our
minds first, though I'm lust as much
obliged. It's come out as dad eaid. Says
iic, ii you re ever up against it, and can
locate Shorty McCabe, you go to him
and 6ay who you are.' But this isn't ex
actly that kind of a case. Phemey and
I may look a bit rocky and Sav. how
do we look, anyway ?x Have you got such
j-iuauu, ttys oaaie, oreamn' in. "von
may roll In the pier glass for the young
lady." Course, that reminds me I ain't
aone tne Honors.
RXCUSe me," SaVS I. "UTina TtlirVenn
mis is Airs, ivicuaoe.
"Howdy," says Maizie. "I was Tnn
dering if it wasn't about due. Goshety
kubiii oui you re ail to the neachevs. eh
And me" Here she turns and takes a
ruu length view of herself. "Sufferinff
scarecrows! Say. why didn't you put up
xno oars on us r uon't you look, Phemey
you'd swallow your gum."
But Euphemia ain't got any idea or
tumtn" her head. She has them peaceful
eyes of hers glued to Sadie's Conner hair.
and she's contented to yank away at her
cua. ror a consistent and Derseverln'
masticator, she has our friend Fletcher
chewed to a standstill. Maizie is soon
satisfied with her survey.
"That'll do; take it away." savs she
"If I ever get real stuck on myself I'll
have something to remember. But, as I
was savin', this is no case of an escape
from the poorrarm. We wore these
Hetty Green togs when we left Doble.'
"Doblo?" says I.
"Go on, laugh!" says Maizie. "Dobie's
the biggest Joke and the slowest four cor
ners in the state of Minesota, and that's
putting it strong. Look at Phemey; she's
a native."
Well, we looked at Phemey. Couldn't
help it. Buphremta don t seem to mind.
She don't even grin; but just goes on
workin' her Jaws and lookln placid
"Out in Dobie that would pass for hys
tencs. says Maizie. "The only way
they could account for me was by saying
that I was born crazy in another state.
I've had a good many kinds of hard
luck; but being born in Doble wasn't
one of the varieties
"Now you can stand the story of my
mo r
JHORTY MCCABE
TPANSFOflIATION FROM
DOBIE; MINNEXSOm,TO UPPER
Miss Blickens," says I, "I'm willin' to ,
pay you by the hour."
It Isn't so bad as all that." savs she.
because precious little has ever- han-
pened to me. It's what's going to happen
that I'm living for. But, to take a fair
start, we'll begin with dad. When they
cauea nim sport Bllckens they didn't
stretch their imaginations. He was all
that and not much elee. All I know
about maw is that she was one of three,
and that I was born in the back room
of a Denver dance hall. I've got a pic
ture of her. wearing tights and a tin
helmet, and dad says she was a hummer.
He ought to know; he was a Drettv good
judge.
As I wasn't much over two davs old.
when they had the funeral.' I can't add
anything more about maw. And the
history I could write of dad would make
mighty slim book. Running rbller
skating rinks was the most genteel busi
ness he ever got into, I guess. Hia reg
ular profession was faro. It's ' an un-.
healthy game, especially in those gold
camps where they shoot so impetuous.
ie got over tne effects of two 38s dealt
him by a halfbreed Sioux; but when a
real bad man from Taunton, Massachu
setts, opened upon him across the table
with a 45, he just naturally got discour
aged. Good old dad! He meant well
when he left me In Dobie and had me
adopted by Uncle Hen. Phemey, you
needn't listen to this next chapter."
Euphremia she misses two jaw strokes
in succession, sets her eyes at Maizie
May for a second, and then strikes her
reg'lar gait again.
Excuse her gettln excited like that,"
says Maizie; "but Uncle Hen that was
her old man, of course hasn't been
planted long. He lasted until three weeks
ago. He was an awful good man. Uncle
Hen was to himself. He had the worst
case of ingrowing religion you ever. saw.
Why. he had a thumb felon once, and
when the doctor came to lance it Uncle
Hen -made him wait until he could call in
the minister, so It could be opened with
prayer.
"Sundays he made us go to church
twice, and the rest of the day he talked
to us about our souls. Between times
he ran the Palace Emporium; that is,
he and I and a half-baked Swede by the
name of Jens Torkil did. To look at Jens
you wouldn't have thought he could have
been taught the difference between a can
of salmon and & patent corn planter; but
say. Uncle Hen had him trained to make
short change and weigh his hand with
every piece of salt pork, almost as siick
as he could do It himself.
"All I had to do was to attend the dry
goods, candy, and drug counters, look
after the postoffiee window, keep the
books, and manage the telephone ex
change. Euphemia had the softest snap,
though. She did the housework, planted
the garden, raised chickens, fed the hogs
and scrubbed the floors. Have I got the
catalogue right, Phemey?"
Luthemia' blinks twice, kind of remi
niscent; but nothin' In the shape of words
gets though the gum.
"She has such an emotional nature,"
says Maizie.
"Uncle Hen was like that too. But
let's not linger over him. He's gone.
The last thing he did was to let go of a
dollar fifty in cash that I held him up for
so Phemey and I could go into Duluth
and see a 'show. The end came early
next day, and whether it was from shock
or enlargement of the heart, no one will
ever know.
"It was an awful blow to us all. We
went around in a daze for nearly a week,
hardly daring to believe that it was so.
Jens broke the spell for us. One morn
ing I caught him helping himself to a
cigar out of the two-fer box. 'Why not,'
says he. Next Phemey walk in, swipes
a package of wlntergreen gum, and feeds
it all in at once. She says: 'Why not?
two. Then I woke up. "You're right,"
says 1. . 'enjoy yourself. It's time.
Next I hints to her that there are bigger
and brighter spots on this earth than
Doble, . and asks her what she says to
selling the emporium and hunting them
up. 'I don't care,' says she, and that
was a good deal of a speech for her to
make. 'Do you leave it to me,? says I.
'Uh-huh,' says she. 'We-e-ough!' says
I.' and with that Maizie lets out one of
them backwoods college cries that brings
Tidson up on his toes.
"I take it," says I, "that you did."
"Did L" says she. "Inside of three
days I'd bustled up four different par
ties that wanted to Invest in a going
concern, and before the week was over
I'd buncoed one of 'em out of nine thous
and in cash. Most of it's in a certified
check, sewed inside of Phemey, and
that's why we walked all the way up
here in the rain. Do you suppose you
could take me to some bank tomorrow
where I could leave that and get a hand
ful of-green bills on account? Is that
asking too much?"
"Considering the way you've brushed
up my memory of Sport Blickens," says
I. "it's real modest. Couldn't you think
of something else?"
"If that had come from Mrs. McCabe,"
says she. eyein' Salle kind of longin',
"I reckon I could."
"Why," says sadie. "I should be de
lighted." . i
"You wouldn't go so far as to lead two
such freaks as us around the stores and
help us pick out some New York clothes,
would you?" says she. '
"My dear girl!" says Sadie, grabbin'
both her hands. "We'll do it tomorrow."
"Honest?" says Maizie, beamin' on her.
"Well, that's what I call right down de
cent. Phemey, do you hear that? Oh!
swallow it, Phemey, swallow it! This
is where ws bloom out."
v , L Y
V'.-i'-'.T
I
iHf til SH ' Hmi -jfl4-
I : hill
THE M1SGES BLINKEN,
And say, you should have beard them
talkin' over the kind of trousseaus that
would best help a girl to forget that she
came from Dobie.
"You will need a neat cloth street
dress, for afternoons." says Sadie.
"Not for me!" says Maizie. "That'll
do all right for Phemey; but when it
comes to me, I'll take something that
rustles. I've worn back-number cast
offs for twenty-two years; now I'm
ready for the other kind. I've been trav
eling so far behind the procession I
couldn't tell which way it was going.
Now I'm going to give the drum major
a view of my back hair. The sort of
costumes I want are the kind that are
designed this afternoon for day after to
morrow. If it's checks, I'll take two to
the piece; if it's stripes, I want to make
a circus zebra look like a clipped mule.
And I want one for every day in the
week."
"But my dear girl," says Sadie. "Can
you afford to "
"You bet I can!" says Mazie." "My
share of . Uncle Hen's pile is forty-five
hundred dollars, and while it last I'm
going to have the lillies of the field
looking like the flowers you see on attlo
wall paper. I don't care what I have
to eat, or where I stay; . but when it
comes to clothes, show me the limit!
But say, I guess it's time we were get
ting back to our boardinghouse. Wake
up. Phemey!"
Well, I pilots em out to Fifth avenue,
stows 'em into a motor stage, and heads
'em down town.
"Whew!" says Sadie, when I gets back.
"I suppose that is a sample of Western
breeziness."
"It's more'n a sample," says I. -"But
I can see her finish, though. Inside of
three months all she'll have left to show
for her wad will be a trunk full of fancy
regalia and a board bill. Then it will
be Maizie hunting a job in some bean
ery." "Oh, I shall talk her out of that non
sense." says Sadie. "What she ought to
do is to take a course in stenography
and shorthand."
Yes, we laid out a full programme for
Maizie, and had her earnin' her little
twenty a week, with Phemey keepin'
house for both of 'em in a nice little
four-room flat. And in the mornin' I
helps her salt the certified cheek, and
then turns the pair over to Sadie for an
assault on the department stores, with
a call at a business college as a finish
for the day. as we'd planned.
When I gets home that night I finds
Sadie all fagred out and drinkin' bromo
seltzer for a headache.
"What's wrong?" says I.
"Nothing," says Sadie; "only I've been
having the time of my life."
"Buying tailor made uniforms for the
Misses Blickens?" says 1.
"Tailor made nothing!" says Sadie. "It
was no use. Shorty. I had to give in.
Maizie wanted the other things so badlv.
And then Euphemia declared she must
have tne same kind. So I spent the
wnoie day ntting them out."
"Got 'em something sudden and noisy,
eh?" says I.
"Just wait until you see them," eays
Sadie.
"But what's the idea?" says I. "How
long do they think they can keep up
that pace? And when they've blown
themselves short of breath, what then?"
"Heaven knows!" says Sadie. "But
Maizie has plans of her own. When I
mentioned the business college, ehe just
laughed, and said if she couldn't do
something better than pound a type
writer, she'd go back to" Dobie." i
"Huh!" says I. "Sentiments like that
has got lots of folks into trouble."
"And yet." eays Sadie, "Maizie's a nice
girl, in her way. We'll see how she
comes out."
We did, too. It was a couple of weeks
before we heard a word from either
of 'an, and then the -other day Sadie
gets a call over the phone from a. per
fect tranger. She says she's a Mrs.
Herman Zorn, of West End avenue, and
that she's givln' a little roof garden
theater party that evenin', in honor of
Miss Maizie Blickens, an old friend of
hens that she used to know when she
lived in St. Paul and spent her Sum
mers near Dobie. Also she understood
wa were friends of Miss Blickens too.
and she'd be pleased to have us join.
"West End avenue!" says I. "Gee! bu
it looks like Maizie had been able to butt
in. Do we go, Sadie?"
"I said we'd be charmed," says she.
"I'm dying to see how Maizie will look."
And say, I thought I could make a.
guess as to somewhere near how she
would frame up. The picture I had in
mind was a sort of cross hptwpen
Grand-street Rebecca and an Eight-avenue
Lizzie Maud you know, one of th9 1
near style girls that's got on all the
novelties from ten bargain counters. But, :
gee! The view I gets has me gaspin'. ;
lYiiuAio wa n i near; sne was two jumps
ahead. And it wa'n't any Gran-street j
fashion plate that she was a livin" model j
of. It was Fifth-avenue and upper :
Broadway. Talk about your down-to-the- !
minute costumes! Say, maybe they'll be '
ea.iui axesses ime tnat a year from 1
now. And tnat hat! It wa'n't a dream;
it was a forecast.
"We saw it unpacked from the Paris ;
case," whispers Sadie.
All I know about it is that it was tha
widest, featheriest lid I ever saw In cap- ';
tivity, and it's balanced on more hair '
puffs than you could put in a barrel. '
But what added the swell, artistic touch. '
was the collar. It's a chin supporter and
ear embracer. I thought I'd seen high
ones, but this 12-inch picket fence around
Maizie's neck was the loftiest choker I
ever saw anyone survive. To watch her
wear it gave you the same sensations
as bein' a witness at a hanging. How
she could do it and keep on breathin", I
couldn't make out; but it don't seem
to interfere with her talkin'.
Sittin' close up beside tier, and listenin'
with both ears stretched and his mouth,
open, was a blond young (rent with a
bristly Bat Nelson pompadour. He's
rigged out in a silk-faced tuxedo, a
smoke-colored open-face vest, and he has
a big yellow .orchid in his buttonhole.
By the way he's gazin' at Maizie, you
could tell he approved of her from th3
ground up. She don't hesitate any on
droppin' him, though, when we arrives.
"Hello!" says she. "Ripping good of
you to come. Well, what do you think?
I've got some of 'em on, you see. What'a
the effect?"
"Stunning!" says Sadie.
"Thanks," says Maizie. "I laid out to
get somewhere near that. And, gosh!
but it feels good! These are the kind of
togs I was born to wear. Phemey? bh,
she's laid up with arnica bandages
around her throat. I told -her alio
mustn't try to chew gum with one of
these collars on."
"Say, Maizie," says I, "who's the Sir
Lionel Budweiser, and where did you 1
pick him up?"
"Oh, Oscar?" says she. "Why, her :
found me. He's from St. Paul, nephew
of Mrs. Zorn, who's visiting her. ,
Brewer's son, you know. Money? 1
They've got bales of it. Hey, Oscar!''
says she, enappin' her finger. "Comer i
over here and show yourself."
And say, he was trained, all right.
He trots right over.
Would you take him, if you was me?"1
says Maizie, turnin' him round for us
to make an inspection. "I told him I
wouldn't say positive until I had shown
him to you, Mrs, McCabe. He's a lit
tle under height, and I don't like the
way his hair grows; but his habits aro
good, and his allowance Is tW.OJO a year.
How about him? Will he do?"
"Why why" says Sadie, and It's one !
of the few tmes I ever saw her rattled.
"Just flash that ring again, Oscar," saya '
Maizie.
"O-o-oh!" says Sadie, when Oscar has
pulled out the white satin box and
snapped back the cover. "What a
beauty! Yes, Maizie, I should say that. '
tt you like Oscar, he would do nicely."
"That goes!" says Maizie. "Here, :
Occie, dear, slide it on. But remember:
Phemey has got to live with us until
I can pick out some victim of nervous
prostration that needs a wife like her.
And for goodness sake, Occie, give that
waiter an order for something wet!"
"Well!" says Sadie, afterwards, lettin
out' long breath, "to think that we ever
worried about her!"
"She's a little bit of all right, eh?"
says I. "But say, I'm glad I ain't Occie.
the heir to the brewery. I wouldn't
know whether I was engaged to Maizie ,
or caught in a belt."