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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (June 14, 1908)
THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAJf, PORTLAND, JUNE 11, 1908. mm Mrn ttid hotcl clcrkims.(. T sister Mame's thinkln' of po tn' on the stage." said the Head Bellboy of the St. Recklere. with a layer of family pride in his voice. "That ought to be fine and nutritious so long as she takes It out thinking," said the Hotel Clerk. "Yes, but Maine's goin' all right," said the Head Bellboy, "Just as soon as she kin decide on a good stage name. Mom wants her to call herself Dainty Evelyn Sinclair, cause nobody'd ever think any body called Sinclair was really named Monahan, but Mame kinder likes Madge Lloyd, the Merry Madcap. One of the fellers that boards at our house suggested to her that she might call herself Varie Lloyd, instid of Madge, seeing as she was about to break out. I ain't doped out yet exactly what he meant but, anyway, that's what he said. Mame's goin' to decide on the name first and then she's goin' around to see all the most promi nent managers and the one that offers her the most money she'll take him." "That'll be grand," said the Hotel Clerk. "Will your sister star the first season?" "That ain't been settled yet," answered the Head Bellboy. ''Mom thinks she oughter star right ofT. Mom is strong for them shows like you see on Thoid avenoo where the herowine is bound fast to the tracks, and Just as the stage hands is about to run over her with a pasteboard locomotive, her faithful dog comes run rln' out and gnaws her loose or somethin' like that. Mom's great for them shows with trained animals in 'em. She's al ways been sorry she didn't get to see 'The Lion and the Mouse.' And when the comic Dutchman smashes the deputy villain in the eye with a property fried alg and then comes down and saya with your kind permission he'll now sing the Bermuda love song, entitled. 'She Lost Her Love Because She Wouldn't Kat Onions: When She Tried to Breathe Her Love. He Turn't Away,' It gets an awful scream out of Mom. So she wants Mame to play melodramas, but Mame. she says they ain't refined enough. She says Mom's ideals is common. Anyhow, she thinks maybe she'll be a soubrette in a musical show the first year or two while she's gettin" herse'f established. Girls In musical shows wear the swell regalia, Mame says, anu they don't have to do much but sing and dance and stall around with the comedian, and more'n half the time they snag off some splen did young Yale feller that's got a mil lionaire for a father, and after that they don't do a thing . but ride around in tourin' cars and eat Chinese pheasants smothered in fried orchids and candled vl'lets and them fancy steaks that costs J3 a throw " "Chateaubriand," suggested the Hotel Clerk. "Sure, that's It Shorty Broad." said the Head Bell-Boy, "only I don't know what they wanted to name an expensive dish like that for a prize fighter when there's so many beef stews that ain't been named at all. But . Mame's there with the fancy language, all right. She can talk that table dote stuff Just like It belonged to her." "Has she got natural talent?" asked the Hotel Clerk. "When it cornea to natural talent, she's there with a bob-sled." said the Head Bell-Boy. "Nearly every night several of the other families In the house come over to our flat Just to hear Mame recite. She's been studyin' under one of them fellers up at Carnegie Hall that teaches electrocution on the prem ises or easy lessons by mail; and at his graduatin' exercises next week she's goin' to recite a swell selection called 'The Chariot Race' from 'Ben Hlrsch.' Mom's made her a costoom out of this here white cheesecloth and she wears a lot of gilt curtain chains on her wrists and arms and wraps ribbons In her hair until It looks like her head was tied up with a string. It goes great. Mame stays Just let Klaw & Erlanger hear her recite that selection once with her chains all rattlin' like sleigh-bells, and there'll be nothin" to it. I guess she won't have much trouble gettin' ready." "They naver do in the theatrical line," stated the Hotel Clerk. "Entering al most any other profession requires preparation. All over this country next week, there'll be thousands and thou sands of bright young girls coming out on a platform In white mull dresses carrying essays with blue ribbons tied 'round them, entitled 'Opening the Oy ster We Call the World," or else 'Be yond the Alps Lies Italy,' which it fre quently does He, especially . about the grade of olive oil It sends us and a few other things. And, at the same time and place, any number of noble boys will be on hand In their new black diagonals, not knowing Just exactly BY JIM NASCIUM. 44TV-" continued the Old Sport, lj "you can take It from me that in spite of all this slush about it . being the age of progress, this old dump of a world has shot her bolt, and he's slipping down the hill of progress ao blamed fast that If aha doesn't stick her toe nails into the dirt and grab something mighty quick she'U be hitting the grit at the foot of the precipice. "Now, I'm no calamity howler, and I'm rot saying that there Isn't a thundering lot of truth In the dope that "the world Is getting weaker and wiser.' But the great trouble Is that It is getting a blamed sight weaker than it is wiser. It is getting so thundering top-heavy that It Is beginning to get bow-legged and humpbacked holding up the weight. And you can take my tip that if this 'weaker and wiser' stunt keeps on de veloping the finish will be Just about the same as it would be If a guy built a house and chucked all the weight on the top story without putting In a good foundation and strong props In the lower works. Some morning he's going to w ake up In the cellar with an awful weight of ruined mansion on his chest. "What this little old world needs more than anything else is a little stiffening run up its' backbone to hold its head up. For this last half century or so, while the world has been working over time putting the Interior decorations and the Queen Ann gables on the top story, the mollycoddle germ has bored into the pillars like a wood tick and put the whole blamed structure on the blink. The time was, away back In the mellow past, when our forefather was shooting the noble red man out of his turnip patch in order to get a chance to club his breakfast off the trees, that there wasn't quite so much attention paid to finishing up the Interior of the attic, and the upper stories of Uncle Sam's little village may. not have been chucked so 6 ' SITS ON A TRUNK AND SIGHS what to do with their hands and feet for the time being, but ready to Inform theirj parents and friends in the audi ence and the members of the School Board and Common Council sitting in the boxes, how-to win success in the business world. But on the Tuesday following, those bright young girls will start in beating the vital spark out of a typewriter for five per, and the boy valedictorians will take a job marking queensware crates for thirty bones a month, but after the second year they'll be raised to thirty-five and allowed to make out an invoice. It also takes preparation to learn the art of laying bricks, and even a piano-mover is ex pected to serve an . apprenticeship smashing baggage at a depot, or some thing like that, so's to accustom him self to the sound of things breaking. But if a young person makes up his or her mind to be an actor or actress, there doesn't have to be any prelim inary stages. They just hop right in the same as your sister Mamie and be It." "Still, Mame thinks Influence counts for a heap unless you're right there with the real talent," said the head Bellboy. "There's nearly always somebody with a strong drag in the profession thaf s wil ling to help out," said .the Hotel Clerk. "You can generally find a friend that knows a man that's intimate with a party doing ticket speculating in front of one of the main Broadway houses that's willing to say a kind word for a beginner where it'll do some good. And still, .with all this, they have trouble sometimes. I'll full of artistic trimmings and mental frescoings of brain goods, and the attics of the nation may not have been stored so full of dope concerning the sciences and the pterodactyl period; but when it comes right down to cases you can't shove it into me that the moral and physical supports of the nation's struc ture weren't a blamed sight more to the good In the pioneer days than they are In this age of alleged progress." "But we were talking baseball. Dad," replied the manager of the team. "My claim is that baseball has progressed. Your argument has nothing to do with the game at all." "We'll get to that on schedule time, old man, don't you worry," replied the Old Sport. "Just now I'm showing you that in spite of all these spurts that sci ence and knowledge has pulled off. this old dump of a world has gone back to such an extent that she's getting groggy and hanging onto the ropes. While she has been hitting It. up with the long strides In one respect, she has slumped something frightful in a more Important factor. And let me tell you that It's a slump that has butted Into every Insti tution of the Nation. The mollycoddle germ Is gnawing at our vitals, and take it from me, this mollycoddle slush that Is becoming splattered all over the map Is sapping a thundering lot of good out of baseball. The national game Is a mirror that reflects human nature more than any other institution, because It has to lean on the public for support, and is. In fact, ruled by the nature of Its audi ences. And you can take my tip that the general slump In human nature has but ted into baseball and Is reducing It more and more every year toward the croquet and ping-pong class. "Every day there's a lot of sentimental slop about 'dirty baseball' and' 'rowdy player dumped Into the public trough by a bunch of mollycoddle newspapers, and the rules have been Juggled around by a bunch of mollycoddle managers on the rules committee till the game is Jl L IN WHICH HE TALKS rYou'D BETTER I flir rice riK I BASE LINE VtfHENi I tun& POWM. mxr Tmmi! t. Vrr Tt USED - T0 - 3IT - IN - FROHT - getting down to. the point where It con sists of a player crawling Into a uniform and plugging through his particular part of the show with his face buttoned up and a thoughtful expression on his class ic mug, due to the severe mental strain of the advanced method of play. "But take it from me. as an exhibition and as an external manifestation of pluck. f?ECITIN6 THE CHARIOT RACE m FROf) AT LENGTH ON THE "MOLLYCODDLE AGE 7 f IFANY0,Y0u6UY5(' J TOO WANT TO? .-"AlNT ? TnN alt nunT FT b ' 1 uwui vu I rurw 1THEY THE 1 1 BECAUSE YOU'Krl uo TODAY. I u I CniT n-irr TtJlT WTn "rTMnrvP TimirU 0F - THE: CLUDH0USL-AND-FILK-THOR- grit and manly courage, the game Isn't one, two, three with what It was when Anson's Colts or Ned Hanlon's Baltimore Orioles were tearing things up around the circuit. Those were the good old days when the mollycoddle cut about as much ice in baseball as you'll find hang ing onto the sunny side of the equator on the Fourth of July. And let me tell you r BEN not deny that. I understand there's a consipracy on the part of some of these stars like Crane and vGillette and Maude Adams to frown down the newcomers and discourage them. I guess maybe they're afraid of their Jobs, because there's hardly a graduate of a dramatic school anywhere that's not able to point out to these old-timers where they're away oft reading their lines. Talk about your carping critics for the newspapers. These young Battling Booths and Young Kid Garrlcks that have just escaped from the Plattsburg School of Expression are there with the carping thing like a German carp. "I know one caset Hops, that illus trates what I'm telling you. She came from the same town I did, and she was a young Nazimova with the shucks on. She was an awful hit out home. The way she did The Volunteer Organist" for the musical recital of the Congregational Church, there wasn't a dry eye in the house; and she came here with a notice in her suitcase from the Weekly Clarion saying that her work as Juliet in the well-known play of that name, and Romeo, at the performance given by local amateurs for the benefit of the Soldiers' Monument Fund had Ellen Terry looking like a mango pickle, or words to that effect. It was freely predicted that in side of six months after she struck New York Madam Kallsh would be looking for a Job sewing on hooks and eyes. "But it seemed there was competition In her particular line, which was trag edy, right from the start. Besides her, there were two other coming Mary An dersons that got on the day-coach, and one got oft the Pullman. It seems like every train stopping at the flag-stations must bring them In. And then, there's the local output, such as your sister Mamie, constantly growing up. So what chance would the present fa vorites have if they didn't keep the bars up? "Well, this girl from my home town didn't find-any of the managers wait ing for her at the depot with a hired hack and a blank contract, although she'd written to several in advance ap prising them as to when she might be expected In. And It was quite some time before she really began to attract attention. The folks at Junction City couldn't understand it, until she wrote home and said it was a case here in' New York where blatant mediocrity had true merit crowded into a hall bedroom, sitting in the top tray of her trunk of an evening and breathing deep sighs down the- air-shaft. But finally, news came that she's landed, and a delegation of her relatives from home came up to see her in her first metropolitan engagement. But they 5PIRKS that If thy'd resurrect that old Balti more bunch and turn them loose on the circuit today they'd scare about half your ballplayers into nervous prostration, and the mollycoddle element of the public would have them in the jug before they'd wade through one spasm. "I want to hand you the tip that there's nothing in the whole 'blamed batting 1 THE COMMON COUNCIL. SITTING IN A BOX. didn't see her till during the first big ensemble right after the prima donna came on and the back row of girls swung down around and crossed over in front. But they recognized her right off, because she wasn't wearing anything much except an ankle brace let and about enough pink silk to make a small book-mark in one of those gift books like you give the teacher of the Bible-class on his birthday. She ex plained to the home-folks afterward that in the excitement of the opening performance the girls forgot most of their clothes. It was Just what you might call a lapsus-lingerie! "But once she got started she went right ahead. Why, Hops, It wasn't two years from that time till she was being featured as the Girl With the Fireproof Skin in Stockboss' Street Carnival." "What's the best way to get the proper steer at the start-off?" asked the Head Bell-Boy. "The best way Is to make a loud, piercing sound," said the Hotel Clerk. "An ordinary person stops a car by waving an umbrella at it. But, in this town, the truly wise person gets out and waves a Persian rug and is talked about. The lowly violet that blushes unseen keeps right on being unseen as long as it keeps on being lowly. The modest beginner must start at the bot tom and then work hard to maintain the position. The canny party de mands the top berth and gets it. "It is well to remember that the Na tional flower in these parts is the fromage de brie, and it's the ballyhoo that does the work. Leastwise, that's the only way I can account for some of those that are prominently before the public at this writing. Otherwise, why should we fall for a matinee idol who parts his hair down the middle with a safety razor and reaches the height of his art when he has a frock coat that won't wrinkle under the arm-pits as lie clasps the leading lady to, or toward him? Why also, if this is not the case, should a musical comedy lady with a penurious figure, who don't display anything except courage when she puts on short clothes, be able, ncveriheiess. to pui -them on and come forth and win our loud plaudits? You'd think, judging on form alone, as it were, that the only thing she merited was honorable mention in the dispatches from the front for conspicuous daring. Any time she played 'Lady Audl y's Secret' 'n walking skirts. Lady Audley would lose her fatal secret as sooir as the audience got a peek at her ankles, and she has a voice about as strong and clear as chipmunk's, but. having, as she does, a capable press agent, we gladly welcome her tree-box insteps, her sandpiper knee joints and all the rest of It." "What would you do if you had a order of human accomplishments that gets the goat of your true American sport like the ability to hang up a pood strong bluff and get away with it. The big. husky guy who can lick his weight in wildcats may excite admiration, but the sawed-off runt who can bluff the heart out of greater odds by sheer force of mental strength and courage and win out where he has no license to on compari son of physical powers there's the little guy who has your true American doffing his lid. The bluff is a Simon pure Ameri can institution, and American history is splattered, full of it. Joe Wheeler won the battle of Santiago on a bluff when it looked as If the Dagoes had us going. And let me tell you Lhat when you try to put down the 'bluff you're attacking one of the corner-stones of the Nation. And when a bunch of rubber spined dubs get at sticking a lot of rules in any Ameri can sport that will put a crimp in the noble art of bluffing, you can take it from me that it is the entering wedge of the mollycoddle germ into that sport. And when the American public not only stands for this sentimental slush but actually applauds It, it gives me a pretty strong hunch that we're butting into a national decay. "And you can take my tip that's Just what Is coming off now in baseball. They are screwing the lid down tighter each season on the coffin which contains all that is left of the once great American institution of bluff. I'm not saying that the game isn't more popular with the masses today than it ever was. but it is more popular simply because the molly coddle element of the public is in the majority. "In this advanced aged of mollycoddle progress, if a guy with some of the old time fire, and pepper of the McGraws, the Gleasons, the Jennings, etc, butts into the game the umpires and the big league moguls keep his feet hot hitting the grit to the clublio'tse. and he's under suspension so blamed much of his time that he grows out of his uniform between sister that wanted to act?" asked the Head Bell-Boy. "Well." said the Hotel Cierk. "if I had a female relative that had nn am bition to go on the stage. I'd find nut first If she was strong and willing and quick to learn and talented." And then what?" said the Head Bell-Boy. "And then I'd have her taught plain sewing," said the Hotel Clerk. "We've already spoiled too many possible horse-shoers and potential seamstresses In tills country making poor actors out of them." SomeMonctrchsWho Are in Business IT Is popularly supposed that all In dustrial "kings" come from America, but Europe can still boast a few rec ords, and among them is the production of real, genuine business monarehs. For instance, the Kaiser is the proprietor of a most important porcelain factory at Cadinen, and. as might be expected, he does not delegate the duties to oth ers. The general Tonduct of the estab lishment is based on the Kaiser's own rules; he engages employes himself, and even goes so far as to design some of the wares sent out from the factory.' As be fitting one of his rank. His Majesty is a model employer, and sees to the com forts of his men, providing them with cottages and pensions, besides giving them a share in the profits, the latter being estimated at 10.ou0 a year. But the Kaiser is only one of many monarehs who have gone into trade. King Peter of Servia is, perhaps, the most unconventional of them all, for he runs a barber's shop, owns a patent medicine and conducts a motor car agency in his capital. The reigning Prince of Llppp-Detmold deals in butter and eggs, while a pros perous brick factory swells his profits. The King of Wurtomburg is the pro prietor of two hotels in his kingdom, and they add 10,000 a year to His Majesty's revenue. The Emperor of Austria owns a china ware factory in Vienna, which is one of the most famous in the world, and employs over lOO skilled workmen. The King of Saxony conducts a similar business, though on a much smaller scale, but, according to report, trade is increasing, so His Majesty need not keep "awake o' nights" wondering If his trav ellers are fit for their jobs. Greatest of royal tradesmen, however, is the much-abused Leopold of Belgium. One of the most astute financiers either in Europe or America, His Majesty quickly saw the possibilities of investing in the Congo rubber trade, and aided by his position, he invented large sums of money', until in due course a great tract of most valuable land came under his control. Altogether, it Is stated, Leopold has sunk 5.000,000 In the Congo, 'and his profits being something like 110 per cent. It Is easy to work out his an nual returns. When tilings began to get gloomy the astute monarch let a few select American millionaires have a finger in the pie, but J. Pierpont Morgan and his fellows got very little out of leopoldi, who has a genius for acting the parts of King and tradesman at the same time, utilizing the prestige of one to swell his profits as the other. Queen Carmen Sylva is the only work ing Journalist among the crowned heads of Europe, but Her Majesty has within late years added a bookseller's shop to the affairs of her state. This may be seen In Bucharest, and Is the leading house In the trade. The Queen of Portugal has a chemist's shop in Lisbon, registered in her own name. Unlike the various other busi nesses enumerated in this article, the Lisbon establishment is conducted solely in the interests of charity, and conse quently? when the Queen attends to the wants of her customers personally Jhe often makes up prescriptions herself she is working In a good cause, and need fear no criticism. Tit-Bits. Vacation Thin cold Summer. ruck. He took his fur-lined overcoat So cozy and so warm. He packed his full-lenRth rubber boots So useful In a storm ; His heavy sweater-vest he took, The buckskin trousers eke, The ear-tabs made of bear-akin That resist the breezes bleak; The chamois rhest-protector And the mittens thick and hot. The beaver hat and woolen socks Were details not forRot. And. ere departing, he made sure That nothing warm he'd missed. 'Cause why? His name was llrst upon The Summer vacation tint. games, and a lot of mollycoddle sheets around the circuit roast him and adver tise him as a thug and a sandhagger. Then his manager lias to buckle a check rein on him and tie a gag in his face in order to get a chance to make him earn his salary. "Ty Cobb hadn't been in the big league long enough to get acquainted with the gatekeeper on the home grounds before he was being advertised all over the civilized world as a bandit and a thug, who had old Raisuli skinned a mile at pulling off murders and desperate deeds. But you've got to hand It to him as one of the greatest ballplayers of modern times. And he is one of the greatest of the present age. simply because lie Is one player of the old school of bluff who is working at the job among a bunch of players of the mollycoddle age. He is a great baserunner, because he has the guy who is covering the bag to take the throw on his steal bluffed to a stand still. He is a great hitter because he ...is the opposing pitcher and the whole blamed team hypnotized with his bluff. He is a great fielder because he has his own confidence under the spell of his bluff. And yet the mollycoddle element of the public throws the gaff Into this" great player for the very accomplisn ment that makes him a great player, and he is chased off the lot and suspenoed every time he exceeds the speed limit that has been set in this mollycoddle age of progress. "Take it from me, 15 , years ago, Ty Cobb wouldn't have been the great play er he Is today, because he would have been butting into a bunch of other guys who were playing at the same game. Old Sam Crawford, who wasn't such a wonder among the old guys a dozen years ago, pulled himseir out of the dis card and butted Into the game again among your present day kids, and he's as good as the best of them, in spite of his. age. Oid (y Young is hanging . Continued on Page 10.
