THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAJf, PORTLAND, JUNE 11, 1908.
mm Mrn ttid hotcl clcrkims.(.
T sister Mame's thinkln' of po
tn' on the stage." said the Head
Bellboy of the St. Recklere.
with a layer of family pride in his voice.
"That ought to be fine and nutritious
so long as she takes It out thinking,"
said the Hotel Clerk.
"Yes, but Maine's goin' all right," said
the Head Bellboy, "Just as soon as she
kin decide on a good stage name. Mom
wants her to call herself Dainty Evelyn
Sinclair, cause nobody'd ever think any
body called Sinclair was really named
Monahan, but Mame kinder likes Madge
Lloyd, the Merry Madcap. One of the
fellers that boards at our house suggested
to her that she might call herself Varie
Lloyd, instid of Madge, seeing as she
was about to break out. I ain't doped out
yet exactly what he meant but, anyway,
that's what he said. Mame's goin' to
decide on the name first and then she's
goin' around to see all the most promi
nent managers and the one that offers
her the most money she'll take him."
"That'll be grand," said the Hotel Clerk.
"Will your sister star the first season?"
"That ain't been settled yet," answered
the Head Bellboy. ''Mom thinks she
oughter star right ofT. Mom is strong for
them shows like you see on Thoid avenoo
where the herowine is bound fast to the
tracks, and Just as the stage hands is
about to run over her with a pasteboard
locomotive, her faithful dog comes run
rln' out and gnaws her loose or somethin'
like that. Mom's great for them shows
with trained animals in 'em. She's al
ways been sorry she didn't get to see
'The Lion and the Mouse.' And when
the comic Dutchman smashes the deputy
villain in the eye with a property fried
alg and then comes down and saya with
your kind permission he'll now sing the
Bermuda love song, entitled. 'She Lost
Her Love Because She Wouldn't Kat
Onions: When She Tried to Breathe Her
Love. He Turn't Away,' It gets an awful
scream out of Mom. So she wants
Mame to play melodramas, but Mame.
she says they ain't refined enough. She
says Mom's ideals is common. Anyhow,
she thinks maybe she'll be a soubrette
in a musical show the first year or two
while she's gettin" herse'f established.
Girls In musical shows wear the swell
regalia, Mame says, anu they don't have
to do much but sing and dance and stall
around with the comedian, and more'n
half the time they snag off some splen
did young Yale feller that's got a mil
lionaire for a father, and after that they
don't do a thing . but ride around in
tourin' cars and eat Chinese pheasants
smothered in fried orchids and candled
vl'lets and them fancy steaks that costs
J3 a throw "
"Chateaubriand," suggested the Hotel
Clerk.
"Sure, that's It Shorty Broad." said
the Head Bell-Boy, "only I don't know
what they wanted to name an expensive
dish like that for a prize fighter when
there's so many beef stews that ain't
been named at all. But . Mame's there
with the fancy language, all right. She
can talk that table dote stuff Just like
It belonged to her."
"Has she got natural talent?" asked
the Hotel Clerk.
"When it cornea to natural talent,
she's there with a bob-sled." said the
Head Bell-Boy. "Nearly every night
several of the other families In the
house come over to our flat Just to hear
Mame recite. She's been studyin' under
one of them fellers up at Carnegie Hall
that teaches electrocution on the prem
ises or easy lessons by mail; and at his
graduatin' exercises next week she's
goin' to recite a swell selection called
'The Chariot Race' from 'Ben Hlrsch.'
Mom's made her a costoom out of this
here white cheesecloth and she wears a
lot of gilt curtain chains on her wrists
and arms and wraps ribbons In her
hair until It looks like her head was
tied up with a string. It goes great.
Mame stays Just let Klaw & Erlanger
hear her recite that selection once with
her chains all rattlin' like sleigh-bells,
and there'll be nothin" to it. I guess
she won't have much trouble gettin'
ready."
"They naver do in the theatrical line,"
stated the Hotel Clerk. "Entering al
most any other profession requires
preparation. All over this country next
week, there'll be thousands and thou
sands of bright young girls coming out
on a platform In white mull dresses
carrying essays with blue ribbons tied
'round them, entitled 'Opening the Oy
ster We Call the World," or else 'Be
yond the Alps Lies Italy,' which it fre
quently does He, especially . about the
grade of olive oil It sends us and a few
other things. And, at the same time
and place, any number of noble boys
will be on hand In their new black
diagonals, not knowing Just exactly
BY JIM NASCIUM.
44TV-" continued the Old Sport,
lj "you can take It from me that
in spite of all this slush about
it . being the age of progress, this old
dump of a world has shot her bolt, and
he's slipping down the hill of progress
ao blamed fast that If aha doesn't stick
her toe nails into the dirt and grab
something mighty quick she'U be hitting
the grit at the foot of the precipice.
"Now, I'm no calamity howler, and I'm
rot saying that there Isn't a thundering
lot of truth In the dope that "the world
Is getting weaker and wiser.' But the
great trouble Is that It is getting a
blamed sight weaker than it is wiser.
It is getting so thundering top-heavy
that It Is beginning to get bow-legged
and humpbacked holding up the weight.
And you can take my tip that if this
'weaker and wiser' stunt keeps on de
veloping the finish will be Just about the
same as it would be If a guy built a
house and chucked all the weight on the
top story without putting In a good
foundation and strong props In the lower
works. Some morning he's going to
w ake up In the cellar with an awful
weight of ruined mansion on his chest.
"What this little old world needs more
than anything else is a little stiffening
run up its' backbone to hold its head
up. For this last half century or so,
while the world has been working over
time putting the Interior decorations and
the Queen Ann gables on the top story,
the mollycoddle germ has bored into the
pillars like a wood tick and put the
whole blamed structure on the blink.
The time was, away back In the mellow
past, when our forefather was shooting
the noble red man out of his turnip
patch in order to get a chance to club
his breakfast off the trees, that there
wasn't quite so much attention paid to
finishing up the Interior of the attic, and
the upper stories of Uncle Sam's little
village may. not have been chucked so
6
'
SITS ON A
TRUNK AND
SIGHS
what to do with their hands and feet
for the time being, but ready to Inform
theirj parents and friends in the audi
ence and the members of the School
Board and Common Council sitting in
the boxes, how-to win success in the
business world. But on the Tuesday
following, those bright young girls will
start in beating the vital spark out of
a typewriter for five per, and the boy
valedictorians will take a job marking
queensware crates for thirty bones a
month, but after the second year they'll
be raised to thirty-five and allowed to
make out an invoice. It also takes
preparation to learn the art of laying
bricks, and even a piano-mover is ex
pected to serve an . apprenticeship
smashing baggage at a depot, or some
thing like that, so's to accustom him
self to the sound of things breaking.
But if a young person makes up his or
her mind to be an actor or actress,
there doesn't have to be any prelim
inary stages. They just hop right in
the same as your sister Mamie and
be It."
"Still, Mame thinks Influence counts
for a heap unless you're right there with
the real talent," said the head Bellboy.
"There's nearly always somebody with
a strong drag in the profession thaf s wil
ling to help out," said .the Hotel Clerk.
"You can generally find a friend that
knows a man that's intimate with a party
doing ticket speculating in front of one of
the main Broadway houses that's willing
to say a kind word for a beginner where
it'll do some good. And still, .with all
this, they have trouble sometimes. I'll
full of artistic trimmings and mental
frescoings of brain goods, and the attics
of the nation may not have been stored
so full of dope concerning the sciences
and the pterodactyl period; but when it
comes right down to cases you can't
shove it into me that the moral and
physical supports of the nation's struc
ture weren't a blamed sight more to the
good In the pioneer days than they are
In this age of alleged progress."
"But we were talking baseball. Dad,"
replied the manager of the team. "My
claim is that baseball has progressed.
Your argument has nothing to do with
the game at all."
"We'll get to that on schedule time,
old man, don't you worry," replied the
Old Sport. "Just now I'm showing you
that in spite of all these spurts that sci
ence and knowledge has pulled off. this
old dump of a world has gone back to
such an extent that she's getting groggy
and hanging onto the ropes. While she
has been hitting It. up with the long
strides In one respect, she has slumped
something frightful in a more Important
factor. And let me tell you that It's a
slump that has butted Into every Insti
tution of the Nation. The mollycoddle
germ Is gnawing at our vitals, and take
it from me, this mollycoddle slush that
Is becoming splattered all over the map
Is sapping a thundering lot of good out
of baseball. The national game Is a
mirror that reflects human nature more
than any other institution, because It has
to lean on the public for support, and is.
In fact, ruled by the nature of Its audi
ences. And you can take my tip that the
general slump In human nature has but
ted into baseball and Is reducing It more
and more every year toward the croquet
and ping-pong class.
"Every day there's a lot of sentimental
slop about 'dirty baseball' and' 'rowdy
player dumped Into the public trough
by a bunch of mollycoddle newspapers,
and the rules have been Juggled around
by a bunch of mollycoddle managers on
the rules committee till the game is
Jl
L
IN WHICH HE TALKS
rYou'D BETTER
I flir rice riK
I BASE LINE VtfHENi
I tun& POWM.
mxr Tmmi! t. Vrr Tt
USED - T0 - 3IT - IN - FROHT -
getting down to. the point where It con
sists of a player crawling Into a uniform
and plugging through his particular part
of the show with his face buttoned up
and a thoughtful expression on his class
ic mug, due to the severe mental strain
of the advanced method of play.
"But take it from me. as an exhibition
and as an external manifestation of pluck.
f?ECITIN6 THE
CHARIOT RACE
m
FROf)
AT LENGTH ON THE "MOLLYCODDLE AGE
7 f IFANY0,Y0u6UY5(' J TOO WANT TO? .-"AlNT ? TnN
alt nunT FT b ' 1 uwui vu I rurw 1THEY THE 1 1
BECAUSE YOU'Krl uo TODAY. I
u I CniT n-irr TtJlT WTn "rTMnrvP TimirU
0F - THE: CLUDH0USL-AND-FILK-THOR-
grit and manly courage, the game Isn't
one, two, three with what It was when
Anson's Colts or Ned Hanlon's Baltimore
Orioles were tearing things up around
the circuit. Those were the good old
days when the mollycoddle cut about as
much ice in baseball as you'll find hang
ing onto the sunny side of the equator on
the Fourth of July. And let me tell you
r
BEN
not deny that. I understand there's a
consipracy on the part of some of these
stars like Crane and vGillette and Maude
Adams to frown down the newcomers and
discourage them. I guess maybe they're
afraid of their Jobs, because there's
hardly a graduate of a dramatic school
anywhere that's not able to point out
to these old-timers where they're away
oft reading their lines. Talk about your
carping critics for the newspapers. These
young Battling Booths and Young Kid
Garrlcks that have just escaped from the
Plattsburg School of Expression are there
with the carping thing like a German
carp.
"I know one caset Hops, that illus
trates what I'm telling you. She came
from the same town I did, and she was
a young Nazimova with the shucks on.
She was an awful hit out home. The
way she did The Volunteer Organist" for
the musical recital of the Congregational
Church, there wasn't a dry eye in the
house; and she came here with a notice
in her suitcase from the Weekly Clarion
saying that her work as Juliet in the
well-known play of that name, and
Romeo, at the performance given by local
amateurs for the benefit of the Soldiers'
Monument Fund had Ellen Terry looking
like a mango pickle, or words to that
effect. It was freely predicted that in
side of six months after she struck New
York Madam Kallsh would be looking for
a Job sewing on hooks and eyes.
"But it seemed there was competition
In her particular line, which was trag
edy, right from the start. Besides her,
there were two other coming Mary An
dersons that got on the day-coach, and
one got oft the Pullman. It seems like
every train stopping at the flag-stations
must bring them In. And then,
there's the local output, such as your
sister Mamie, constantly growing up.
So what chance would the present fa
vorites have if they didn't keep the
bars up?
"Well, this girl from my home town
didn't find-any of the managers wait
ing for her at the depot with a hired
hack and a blank contract, although
she'd written to several in advance ap
prising them as to when she might be
expected In. And It was quite some
time before she really began to attract
attention. The folks at Junction City
couldn't understand it, until she wrote
home and said it was a case here in'
New York where blatant mediocrity
had true merit crowded into a hall
bedroom, sitting in the top tray of her
trunk of an evening and breathing
deep sighs down the- air-shaft. But
finally, news came that she's landed,
and a delegation of her relatives from
home came up to see her in her first
metropolitan engagement. But they
5PIRKS
that If thy'd resurrect that old Balti
more bunch and turn them loose on the
circuit today they'd scare about half your
ballplayers into nervous prostration, and
the mollycoddle element of the public
would have them in the jug before they'd
wade through one spasm.
"I want to hand you the tip that there's
nothing in the whole 'blamed batting
1
THE COMMON COUNCIL.
SITTING IN A BOX.
didn't see her till during the first big
ensemble right after the prima donna
came on and the back row of girls
swung down around and crossed over
in front. But they recognized her
right off, because she wasn't wearing
anything much except an ankle brace
let and about enough pink silk to make
a small book-mark in one of those gift
books like you give the teacher of the
Bible-class on his birthday. She ex
plained to the home-folks afterward
that in the excitement of the opening
performance the girls forgot most of
their clothes. It was Just what you
might call a lapsus-lingerie!
"But once she got started she went
right ahead. Why, Hops, It wasn't two
years from that time till she was being
featured as the Girl With the Fireproof
Skin in Stockboss' Street Carnival."
"What's the best way to get the
proper steer at the start-off?" asked
the Head Bell-Boy.
"The best way Is to make a loud,
piercing sound," said the Hotel Clerk.
"An ordinary person stops a car by
waving an umbrella at it. But, in this
town, the truly wise person gets out
and waves a Persian rug and is talked
about. The lowly violet that blushes
unseen keeps right on being unseen as
long as it keeps on being lowly. The
modest beginner must start at the bot
tom and then work hard to maintain
the position. The canny party de
mands the top berth and gets it.
"It is well to remember that the Na
tional flower in these parts is the
fromage de brie, and it's the ballyhoo
that does the work. Leastwise, that's
the only way I can account for some of
those that are prominently before the
public at this writing. Otherwise, why
should we fall for a matinee idol who
parts his hair down the middle with a
safety razor and reaches the height of
his art when he has a frock coat that
won't wrinkle under the arm-pits as lie
clasps the leading lady to, or toward
him?
Why also, if this is not the case,
should a musical comedy lady with a
penurious figure, who don't display
anything except courage when she puts
on short clothes, be able, ncveriheiess.
to pui -them on and come forth and
win our loud plaudits? You'd think,
judging on form alone, as it were,
that the only thing she merited was
honorable mention in the dispatches
from the front for conspicuous daring.
Any time she played 'Lady Audl y's
Secret' 'n walking skirts. Lady Audley
would lose her fatal secret as sooir as
the audience got a peek at her ankles,
and she has a voice about as strong
and clear as chipmunk's, but. having,
as she does, a capable press agent, we
gladly welcome her tree-box insteps,
her sandpiper knee joints and all the
rest of It."
"What would you do if you had a
order of human accomplishments that
gets the goat of your true American
sport like the ability to hang up a pood
strong bluff and get away with it. The
big. husky guy who can lick his weight in
wildcats may excite admiration, but the
sawed-off runt who can bluff the heart
out of greater odds by sheer force of
mental strength and courage and win out
where he has no license to on compari
son of physical powers there's the little
guy who has your true American doffing
his lid. The bluff is a Simon pure Ameri
can institution, and American history is
splattered, full of it. Joe Wheeler won
the battle of Santiago on a bluff when it
looked as If the Dagoes had us going.
And let me tell you Lhat when you try to
put down the 'bluff you're attacking one
of the corner-stones of the Nation. And
when a bunch of rubber spined dubs get
at sticking a lot of rules in any Ameri
can sport that will put a crimp in the
noble art of bluffing, you can take it
from me that it is the entering wedge
of the mollycoddle germ into that sport.
And when the American public not only
stands for this sentimental slush but
actually applauds It, it gives me a pretty
strong hunch that we're butting into a
national decay.
"And you can take my tip that's Just
what Is coming off now in baseball. They
are screwing the lid down tighter each
season on the coffin which contains all
that is left of the once great American
institution of bluff. I'm not saying that
the game isn't more popular with the
masses today than it ever was. but it is
more popular simply because the molly
coddle element of the public is in the
majority.
"In this advanced aged of mollycoddle
progress, if a guy with some of the old
time fire, and pepper of the McGraws,
the Gleasons, the Jennings, etc, butts
into the game the umpires and the big
league moguls keep his feet hot hitting
the grit to the clublio'tse. and he's under
suspension so blamed much of his time
that he grows out of his uniform between
sister that wanted to act?" asked the
Head Bell-Boy.
"Well." said the Hotel Cierk. "if I
had a female relative that had nn am
bition to go on the stage. I'd find nut
first If she was strong and willing and
quick to learn and talented."
And then what?" said the Head
Bell-Boy.
"And then I'd have her taught plain
sewing," said the Hotel Clerk. "We've
already spoiled too many possible
horse-shoers and potential seamstresses
In tills country making poor actors out
of them."
SomeMonctrchsWho
Are in Business
IT Is popularly supposed that all In
dustrial "kings" come from America,
but Europe can still boast a few rec
ords, and among them is the production
of real, genuine business monarehs. For
instance, the Kaiser is the proprietor
of a most important porcelain factory
at Cadinen, and. as might be expected,
he does not delegate the duties to oth
ers. The general Tonduct of the estab
lishment is based on the Kaiser's own
rules; he engages employes himself, and
even goes so far as to design some of the
wares sent out from the factory.' As be
fitting one of his rank. His Majesty is
a model employer, and sees to the com
forts of his men, providing them with
cottages and pensions, besides giving
them a share in the profits, the latter
being estimated at 10.ou0 a year.
But the Kaiser is only one of many
monarehs who have gone into trade.
King Peter of Servia is, perhaps, the
most unconventional of them all, for he
runs a barber's shop, owns a patent
medicine and conducts a motor car
agency in his capital.
The reigning Prince of Llppp-Detmold
deals in butter and eggs, while a pros
perous brick factory swells his profits.
The King of Wurtomburg is the pro
prietor of two hotels in his kingdom, and
they add 10,000 a year to His Majesty's
revenue.
The Emperor of Austria owns a china
ware factory in Vienna, which is one
of the most famous in the world, and
employs over lOO skilled workmen. The
King of Saxony conducts a similar
business, though on a much smaller
scale, but, according to report, trade is
increasing, so His Majesty need not keep
"awake o' nights" wondering If his trav
ellers are fit for their jobs.
Greatest of royal tradesmen, however,
is the much-abused Leopold of Belgium.
One of the most astute financiers either
in Europe or America, His Majesty
quickly saw the possibilities of investing
in the Congo rubber trade, and aided
by his position, he invented large sums
of money', until in due course a great
tract of most valuable land came under
his control. Altogether, it Is stated,
Leopold has sunk 5.000,000 In the Congo,
'and his profits being something like 110
per cent. It Is easy to work out his an
nual returns. When tilings began to
get gloomy the astute monarch let a few
select American millionaires have a
finger in the pie, but J. Pierpont Morgan
and his fellows got very little out of
leopoldi, who has a genius for acting the
parts of King and tradesman at the same
time, utilizing the prestige of one to
swell his profits as the other.
Queen Carmen Sylva is the only work
ing Journalist among the crowned heads
of Europe, but Her Majesty has within
late years added a bookseller's shop to
the affairs of her state. This may be
seen In Bucharest, and Is the leading
house In the trade.
The Queen of Portugal has a chemist's
shop in Lisbon, registered in her own
name. Unlike the various other busi
nesses enumerated in this article, the
Lisbon establishment is conducted solely
in the interests of charity, and conse
quently? when the Queen attends to the
wants of her customers personally Jhe
often makes up prescriptions herself she
is working In a good cause, and need
fear no criticism. Tit-Bits.
Vacation Thin cold Summer.
ruck.
He took his fur-lined overcoat
So cozy and so warm.
He packed his full-lenRth rubber boots
So useful In a storm ;
His heavy sweater-vest he took,
The buckskin trousers eke,
The ear-tabs made of bear-akin
That resist the breezes bleak;
The chamois rhest-protector
And the mittens thick and hot.
The beaver hat and woolen socks
Were details not forRot.
And. ere departing, he made sure
That nothing warm he'd missed.
'Cause why? His name was llrst upon
The Summer vacation tint.
games, and a lot of mollycoddle sheets
around the circuit roast him and adver
tise him as a thug and a sandhagger.
Then his manager lias to buckle a check
rein on him and tie a gag in his face in
order to get a chance to make him earn
his salary.
"Ty Cobb hadn't been in the big league
long enough to get acquainted with the
gatekeeper on the home grounds before
he was being advertised all over the
civilized world as a bandit and a thug,
who had old Raisuli skinned a mile at
pulling off murders and desperate deeds.
But you've got to hand It to him as one
of the greatest ballplayers of modern
times. And he is one of the greatest
of the present age. simply because lie Is
one player of the old school of bluff
who is working at the job among a bunch
of players of the mollycoddle age. He is
a great baserunner, because he has the
guy who is covering the bag to take
the throw on his steal bluffed to a stand
still. He is a great hitter because he ...is
the opposing pitcher and the whole
blamed team hypnotized with his bluff.
He is a great fielder because he has his
own confidence under the spell of his
bluff. And yet the mollycoddle element
of the public throws the gaff Into this"
great player for the very accomplisn
ment that makes him a great player, and
he is chased off the lot and suspenoed
every time he exceeds the speed limit
that has been set in this mollycoddle age
of progress.
"Take it from me, 15 , years ago, Ty
Cobb wouldn't have been the great play
er he Is today, because he would have
been butting into a bunch of other guys
who were playing at the same game.
Old Sam Crawford, who wasn't such a
wonder among the old guys a dozen
years ago, pulled himseir out of the dis
card and butted Into the game again
among your present day kids, and he's
as good as the best of them, in spite
of his. age. Oid (y Young is hanging
. Continued on Page 10.