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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (April 26, 1908)
5 -THE OJV PROFESS OR SHORTY MSCABE REIATES A ROMANTIC INCIDENT IN NEW YORK XIFE ' BYSEWELIFORD 'HI' ... - 1. .1 Tl.. . I i I r'!.t. Tlr' 1" T wrmt ! 1 f .. !n i.r ny I mi'. H;y. If I'll Kft to be prtrp'.. tAt c of t!:ir nrvo:i lihr,i without li!f ttyln. -"ir-. i m JuM wvuli irln' fr.mi tli ! ,n' Mnvr? Nnw make a K" Wiil. It wa till tv. 1 wap In the front office, rea ;tin r'S'i-. n.r. , n' ti pportin' KJ-, " -A 1 THE SUNDAY OREGON! AX. PORTLAND. APRIL 20, 1HOS. ffl)W MET TAQGEB i.fT. a-ir! In 1nrtj .Inn:' ' i-mn.ls of iirrrio par kuKi 1 ii.ro waa a fnrolsn Ial'-1 n It. all rittnt. "t 1 didn't kow until lMr that It -.:). "Miiilc In Ain'ru." Ho w a hn fv aeri "f r"t. ltT not mil. h r,-k to oak ft. ami onovisri rurlv bl' k Milr to tihltiKlR a Kr. n. h poo.-Uc. M . II rulorod. too nnt oars, ilon't It. t'i iinfirl h.-alth tliat a ated tn tnnio of lhep for Itc-ior- Hut wliat takoa my most was hla trniiso-ii. S.iyt ho wb !r''M to llio ntlnutf, from the pi In hla button lio'e to llso nnthor-of -p n-1 (t!ovf!; bti.1 t'le l.a. k of hla fro It i o.it n ln--urv an-'h ti your forty-fat alatira liroam about. Why, as far aa lin.a waul. h lia.1 Jimmy Hmkrtt and IJobTt Man tni on tho ba.k ahclf. Oh, l.e m a cruahpr. juiro! "I have tho purpnac finding Prof-rca-iFur M.-Calliy." aays he. rcadlnn it off'n a card. . "If you mt:an Mo"atx" a;tya 1. "I'm fl l-ovrri." la it tliat you are also by the name of iiortt'c?" taya he. "Shorty for hort." nayH I. "ami 1'. ". P. on the rnd to It-npthen it out rtiyslral Culture Iiiroitor. that stands for. Now, do you want my thumb print, and a snapshot of my family trro?" That seemed to stun him a little; but he revived after a minute. threw out . hen. lirtrd his t-tlk lid. and says, solemn aa a new nomry pnhlio takln' tho oalh of office: "I am Huron Pnu-b-nult." "You look II." says I. "Have a rhnlr." "I am." says he. gettln' a fresh start. "Haron PatrhonUI, of Parmstadt and iis.ldorf." ".Ml rlsht." savs I. "take the settee. How are all the folks at home?" Im say. there t-a n't ar.y use .tryin' to jolly lil in Into tr.akln' a sliort cut of I. He d (lot hl. routof para lc all (lUnned out and he meant to stick by It. "I'Tofesseur JloCaohy " sa s he. "1'on't." sa's I. "You make me feel ike I d hern trnnslated into Kronch and .vms runniT'qr a litickllne. ('till It Mc .'iihe a-b-e. ahe." "tine thousand pardons." sas lie, and tries aeain. Tl:l time he rets it al most, and I lets him spiel away. Oil, mama! hut I wish I could say It the wh.v he did! It would li t me on the Proctor circuit, if 1 could. But boiled down and skimmed, it was all about how I was a kind of safety-deposit vault for t'VcrytlilnK lie had to live for. "My hopes, my fortune, my happi ness, the very breath of my living, it Iff all with you," says he as a wind-up, hittln' a t'aruso poso. arms out, toes in, and his breath coniin' hard. ( lloiv was that for news from home? I did some swift siirmisin". and then X lavs, soothln like: "Yes, I know; but don't take on about it so. They're all rlkrht. Just as you handed 'em orer; only I asked my friend the Sarpe to lock 'em up till you called. We'll walk: around and spe the Sartre r!rtt away. "Ah!" says he, battin his noble brow, "you do not comprehend. You make to laugh. And me. 1 come to you from the adorable- Sadie." "Sadie." says I. "Sadie Sullivan that was?" I was teliin' you about her. wasn't 1? the girl I used to know when her mother ran a prune dispensary, and that married Into the Pipworthy Drowsy Drops family just in time to connect with a mournln' outfit aurt a bunch of money that would start a Broadway bank. Yes, that one. And you remember how me and Plnckney landed her in the swell push and Bot h r headed up Newport way? "Tf you've (rot credentials from Sadie." sins I, "it's all right. Now, what doing? Does she want me to match samples, or show you the sights along tlie White Ijine?" "Ah. the adorable Sadie!" says he. rollin' his eyes and puffin' out his cheeks like he was tryin' the lung tester "I drive with her. 1 sit by her side one day. two day. a week. "Well, what happens? I am charm. I am fas cinate, 1 am become her slave. 1 make to resist. I say to myself: 'You! You are of the noble Austrian blood; tha second cousin of your -.mother Is a grand duke; you must not forget. Tlien again I see Sadie. Poutf! I have no longer pride; but 1 only luff. It is enough. 1 ask of her: 'Madam Deep worth, where is the father of your She say he is not. 'Then the uncle of you?' I demand. She say: 'I'm shy on uncles.' 'Hut to who, then." I usk, 'must t declare my honorable passion'. 'Oh.' she say, 'tell it to Shorty MeCabe.' Ha! 1 leap. 1 hound! I go to M. Tinck ney. "Tell me. I say. 'where is to be found one Shorty MeCabe? And he sends me to you. I am come." Hn the level, now, it went like that. Maybe I've left out some of the frills, but that was the groundwork of his reniarlvs. "Yes," says I, "you're a regular come on. 1 rucss the udorablo Sadie has handed you a Josh, site's equal to It." But that got by him. He just atood there, teeterin up and down on hl patent leathers, and grinnin' like a monkey. "1 say," says I. "she's run you on a sldln'. dropped you down a coal-hole. Do you get wise?" Did he? Not so you would notice it. Ho goes on grinnin' and teeterin'. like he was on exhibition in a museum and I wai tiie audience. Then he gets a view of himself in the Elws over the safe there, and begins to pnt down his astra.-han that. h. and punch up liis puff tie. and dust of; his collar. Ever see one of thes. peroxide" cloak models doln' a march past the show windows on her day off? Well, the Baron had all those motions and a few of his own. He was ornamental. a!l right, and It wasn't any news to hini. ettlrer. About then, though, I begins to won der If 1 hadn't been a little too sure about Sadie. There's no tellln', when It comes to women, you know; and when It hit me that perhaps, after all. she d made up her mind to tag this one from Austria, you could have fried an cgsr on title anywhere. "Look here. Patchouli:" says I. "Is this straight about you and Sadie? Are you the winner?" "Ah. the adorable Sadie!" says he. cumin' back to earth and slappin' his solar plexus with one hand. We've covered that ground." says 1. "What 1 want to know is, does she cotton to you?" "Cot-ton? Cot-ton?" says he, hump In' his eyebrows like a French ballad singer. '"Are you the fre-mage?" says I. "i5 she a stuck on you as you are on yourself? Have you made good?" He must have got a glimmer from rf""--- i . t- -.f-5.i. Ill iivii--' 'Jl . y - vv Mil - 'I il - ff fcIIK HAD THE .LOKCLOST thftt; for he rolls his eyes pome mor. breathes once like an air-hrnke b?in' out out, and says: "Our luff is like twin stnxs In the -sky each for the other shlnoH." "It's as bar! as all that, is ft?" says I. "Well, all I've not to &y is that I'd never thouKht it nf Sadie; and if she nent you down here on approval, you can tell her I'm satisfied, if ihe is." 1 figured tli at would jar him some, hut ft didn't. He looked as pleased as thoutrh J told him lie was the ripest berry in the box, and before I knew what w as rum in he had the lons-Iost-hrul her ta-iitle on me" and was almost weepin' on niv nr k. -splulteiin' Joy in seven different kinds of lanftuae. Just then wifiy .lot- hobs hi is it,Hd 1" spri that throuph the pym door, gorilla ftrin of Itts. and ducks back. "Break awayl'ays I. "I don't want to -spoil the looks of anythin that Sadie's picked out to frame, but this thiiiK has gone about far enough. If you r Rind, and she's glad, then I ain't pot any kick oomin". Only don't rub it In." Say. it w as like talkin to a doaf man. savin' things to the Baron. "She is mine, yes?" Fays he. "I have your permission. Professeur MeCabe?" "Sure," says I, "If she'll have you, take her and welcome." Now. you'd thought that would have satisfied him, wouldn't you? But he arted like he's got a half-arm Jolt on the 'wind. He 'backed off and cooled down as if I'd chucked a pail of water over him. 'Well," says I, "you don't want it in writin'. do you? I'm Just out of permit blanks, and me secretary's laid up with & had case of Meirawitis. If X was you, I'd skip hack and kp my eye on Sadie. She niic-ht rhanee her mind. The Baron thought he'd seen a red flag, though. He put on a worry period that lasted while you could count SO. Then he forks out his trouble, "it is not pos sible that I have mistake. Is it?" says he. "I am learn that Madam Deepworth is what you call one heiress? No?" See? Id been sort of looklu for that: and there it was, as plain as a real-estate map of Gates of Paradise. Long Island. M bein' so free and easy with tollin' him to help himself had thrown up a horrible suspicion to him. Was it true that Sadie's roll was real money, the kind you could spend at the store? And say, long's it was up to me to write hen prospectus, I thought I might as well make it a good one. lo you see that movln'-van but there?" says I. , The Baron paw It. And have you been Introduced toJ - ;i. iiasrnn a Dig. wrist-size wad of tens and I'sves. Oh. he was acquainted, all right. "Well," says I, "Sadie's got enough of these put away to fill two carts like that." Fetch him? Why, his fTngers almost burnt a hole through his gloves. "Ah-h-h!" says he, and takes a little time out to picture himself dippln into the family po'ketbook. Course, it wa'n't any of my funeral, but when I thinks of a sure-enough live one, like Sadie, that I'd always supposed had a head like a billiard table, gettin' daffy about any such overstuffed frank furter as this specimen. I felt like some one had shoved a blue quarter on me. Worst of it was. I'd held the stej-ladder for her to climb up where such things grow. I was gettin" rawer to the touch every minute, and was tryin' to -Iiihc up my mind whether to give the Baron a quick run down the stairs, or go off an' leave him to dislocate his neck tryin to see the small of his back in the mirror; when in comes Plnckney. with that little sparkle In liis eyes that I've come to know means any kind of sport you're a mind to name. "Hello!" says he. givin the Baron a hand. "You found him. eh? Hello, Shorty. Got it all fixed, have you?" "Say." nays I. pullin Plnckney over by the window, "did you put this up on me?" He said he didn't, honest. "Then take your fat friend by tho hand," says I, "and lead him off where things ain't liable to happen to him." "Why. what's up. Shorty?" says he. ''Haven't you given him your blessing, and told him to go In and win?" "Switch off!" says I. "I've heard enough of that from the Baron to last me a year. What's it all about, anyway? Suppose he has laid his plans to Mizner izo Sadie; what's he want to come hol lerin' about it to me for? I'm no mat rimonial referee, am I?" 1 knew somethin' was ticklin' Ptnck ney inside; but he put up a front like a Special Sessions judge. "Baron." says he. ca'ltn over to Hatchouli, "I forgot to mention that our friend, the professor, doesn't understand the European system of conducting such affairs as thi- It you'll pardyu nie, I'll make it clear to him." Well, he did, and a lot more. It seems that the Baron was a ringer In the set where Sadie and Plnckney had been do ing the week-end house-party act. He'd been travelin" on that handle of his, makin' some broad jumps and quick shift., until he'd worked himself up, from a visitor's ear-f at a second-rate down town club, to the kind of folks that quit New York at Kaster and don't come back until the snow flies again. They don't squint loo close at a title in that crowd, you know. First thing the Baron hears, of course. Is about the Drowsy Drop dollars and the girl that's got 'em. He don f lose any time after that in makin up to Sadie. He freezes to her like a Park Row wuxtree boy does to a turkey dn:m-.stick at a liuwsies Christmas dinner, and for e"-C- -1 v .--.;' v BROTHER TAt'KLK ON ME." Pinckney and the rest of 'em It was as good as a play. "Huh!" says' I. "You're easy pleased, ain't you? But I want to toll you that It grouches me a lot to think that Sadie's fall for any such wad-hunttn party as that." "What ho! says Pinckney. "Here's a complication that we hadn't suspected." "Mennin" which?" says I. "Perhaps it would be better to post pone that explanation," says he; "but I sympathize with your state of mind. Shorty. However, what's done is done, and meanwhile the Baron Is waiting." "it wouldn't surprise me none," Fays T, "to hear that that's his trade. But say, what kind of a steer is it that brings him to me? I ain't got that straight yet." Pinckney goes on to say as how the foreign style of negotiatin' for a girl is more or less of a business proposition; and that Sa11e, not havin" any old folks handy to make the deal, and maybe not havin' the game clear In her own mind, shoves him my way, just offhand. "To be sure." says ? Pinckney, "what ever arrangements you may happen to make will not be binding, but they will satisfy the Baron. So Just act as If you had full authority, and we'll see if there are any little details that he wants to mention. Sure enough, there was., He handed 'em to me easy; "oh. nice and easy! He didn't want much for a starter Just a trifle put within easy reach before the M.3 .HQ Entered at 2nd CUu Ma! Matter Under Royal Patronage EDITORIAL PA STORMS Ever since we launched our thun derbolt of the Papacratlc Party, po litical antiques from the other par ties have beeh dropping in and lay Ins strictly fresh advice on our table. Our reply to them is: "The omelette can't teach the hen how to lay gs." V'e are the hen. Our financial discovery: V "Declare the American Baby on a par with gold'" has fired the country. The White House has telegraphed: "Con gratulations: You are herewith the most useful citizen of the United States, vice Jake Rils, retired." Under these circumstances we hare decided to nomi nate ourself for President and will conduct our victo rious campaign ex clusively through Pa's Home Com panion. Our first """ step when we are inau gurated will be an Instantaneous rem OURSELF. edy for the present exasperating de lays in rendering decisions in the U. S. Supreme Court, by appointing our trusted companion and friend. T. Roosevelt. Chief Justice, with the motto: "Decisions on Everything At Once'" We call on all Pas to work for Us and the Republic! Down with Ma Domination? Down with Changes in Fashion! Down with King Alcohol Under, our administration we. guar antee less work and more wages. No Promise of Prosperity is Genu ine without Our Signature. LIBRARIES! LIBRARIES! An unexampled op portunity to obtain se lections from a splendid modern line, only slight- ,TbooTk shop-worn. SUSFIT LIBRARIES! Uncalled-For Libraries Must reduce my stock for the season. Every thing marked down 25 below cost! Apply ANDREW CARNEGIE, Carnegie Heights, N. Y. t-ONE OF MY "JVfi Librii Cum DarnhV. ,-authors. " 4iv, l! . : l;'L3:A..-:. BKi01' IIKK TO FLY WITH knot was tied, a mere matter of ten mil lion franca. "No Jims nor Joe&T says I. The Baron is accustomed to reckoning in francs," says Pinckney. "Ho means two million dollars." "Two million cases?" says I, -catching my breath. Well, say! I had to take an other look at him. If I could think as well of myself as that I wouldn't ask no bette. "Patchouli, says I. "you're too modest. You shouldn't put yourself on the bargain counter like that." The Baron looks like I'd said something to him in Chinese. "The pro feasor thinks that demand is quite reasonable, considering all things," says Pinckney. And that went with the Baron. Then he has to shake hands all round, same's if we'd signed terms for a championship go, and him and Pinckney gets under way for some private high-ball factory over on the avenue. I wa'n't sorry to lose 'em. Somehow, I wanted to get my mind on something else. Well, I put in a busy mornin', tryin' to teach blocks and jabs to a couple .of youngsters that thinks boxin is a kind of wrist exercise, like piano-playfn', and I'd got a pound or so off a nice plump old APRIL 26. 1908 RUMORS By OUR RUMORER It is rumored: . that the old-established philan trope, John D. Rockefeller, is about to endow a $1,000,000 home for aged and infirm lamp wicks. that the spring hair cutting re ports from the agricultural centers indicate a banner crbp. that our mammoth circulation Is growing mammother every day. that our gifted magazine writers have never been more successful In averting millions of readers than at present. that there is a growing desire to find out If j. Uncle Joe Cannon Is loaded. that China will soon be Japanned. 'tL CD WANION THE FATAL EGG; or, A WOEFUL WOOING .CHAPTER I. "Help! "Unhand me!" The livery votce of Willie Colander, the beautiful vest-model. ranj through the gorgeouff3 corridors of the Hollyhock Apartments. Scarcely had the cry ceased to vibrate, ere the herculean form of Susan ndlve, the Lady Chauffeur, flew up the magnificent onyx staircase. Hurling her heavy diamond brooch at the door, she broke a panel and sprang through. A startling scene met her gaze. On his knees was Willie Colander. A tall dark woman stood over htm,' grasping him cruelly by his delicate wrist. Even as she leaped. Susan Endive perceived with a pained pang that the woman was strangely beautiful. She was richly dressed in a royal purple and. pink near silk gown, trimmed with real Valenciennes Inserted a la Filet Mignon, and relieved In Gothic mural style with large buttons de trop. Yet all the art of a Parisian dressmaker could not conceal a malignant sneer that distorted her lovely face from her shoulder to her ear . Just as Susan Endive entered, she beard Willie Colander say In a trembling but musical voice: "No! I will not marry you. even though I am poor but honest and you are the Dukess of Arfenarf! You may destroy this weak body, but my heart shall remain faithful In a gentlemanly manner to peerless Susaa Endive, the Lady Chauffeur!" A wild, sweet Joy flooded the being of the Lady Chauf feur at these words. With one wonderful bound she soared through the air and alighted 11th el y before Willie Colander's cowardly assailant. "Ha! exclaimed the Dukess. "What do you wish.' low-bora she-churl?" "Listen!" cried Susan Endive. Grasping the other's Willie colander. eari Bhe drew it toward her and hissed Into It: "Who took the railroad rebate?" . Even before her ear had sprung back into its place, the Dukess had turned as white as the best A No. 1 starch. Her powerless hand released Willie Colander, who ran to the elegant and commodious Madagascar cosy corner and. crept-sobbing under the couch. "Foiled again. I believe!" muttered the Dukess of Arfenarf, pulling her self hastily together. "Give me five minutes of your valuable time, and I will confess all and more, too." "So be It." said Susan Endive. 'But note well, tony and stylish scion of a haughty race! At the first sign of treachery, your life blood will splash all over the swell Hammings of this first class, family apartment house!" "Follow me!" replied the Dukess.. "We will repair to my suite." As the Lady Chauffeur turned to go, a smile of she-devllish glee lit up the otherwise dark features of the female nobleman. "The landlord will have more than that to repairf" muttered she. "Hey?" asked Susan Endive. "Nothing!" replied the Dukess of Arfenarf. It was not until 15 minutes after they had vanished that the lovely, tear stained face of the beautiful vest-model emerged from under the couch. "Oh, Susan, Susan! My beauteous Queen!" he murmured, clasping his bejeweled white hands. At this moment the sound of a terrible explosion, was heard. (This thrilling serial will be continued in our next.) '" 1'T HIM ASD BE IIIS'X." bishop, who comes here for handball and stunts like that. 1 was still feel in' a bit ugly and wishin' there was somethhV sizable around to take it out on, when in comes Curly tocks and Pinckney again. "Has he made up his mind that he wants my wad. too?" says I to Pinckney. "No," says he. "The Haron has discov ered that up where Sadie is staying the law requires a prospective bridegroom to equip hinuelf with a marriage license. He thinks he'll get one In town and take it back with him. Now, as you know all about such thing. Shorty, and as I ha3 an appointment at KlidO. I'll leave the Baron with you. So long!" and he gives me the wink as he slides out. Say. I had my cue this trip, all right. I couldn't see Just why it was, but the Baron had been -passed up to me. He was mine for keeps. I could hang him out for a sign, or wire a pan to him. And he was as innocent, the Baron was, as a new boy sent to the harness shop after strap oil. He'd got his eyes fixed on the Drowsy Drops bank account, and he couldn't see anything else. He must have sized me up as a sort of Santa Claus that didn't have anything to do between seasons but be good to his kind. "So you want to take out a license, do your say I. Mornin' a Mr. Smooth play. PA SUNSHINE SOCIETY REPLIES TO SUFFERERS - By Prince de 8atan, Foreigner: You should take pains to propose In a loud, distinct tone. The lady you mention probably said "No" only because she thought you were striking for a loan. . Fellow-Prince: I am working that' side of the street myself. Baron: It isn't necessary to ex plain that "Chateau" is your lan guage for "Shanty. She will find it out for herself Marchese: All depends on how you put it. Say that your parents conduct a well-known public organ. i . OH, HOOK AWAYJ I A1XT TKMJV WHAT I1K I10 7ERXT. "If the profeesor would be o oblige," ays he. "Oh, sure." ay I. "That's my steady Job. A marriage Urease, eh?" I had a ntnoteenth-story view of the scheme he'd built up. He means to go back heeled with the permit feom me, with the little matter of the two million ready all cinchi-d, ttrnt the wrddin' paper In his insirln pocket. Then he dm the whirlwind rush at Sdie. and as he dopes it out to himself, timirin' on what a crijher he is, ho don't see how he can loe. And I suppose he thinks he can buy a marriage license most anywhere, same's you can a money-ordr. With thu.t I has a stroke of thousrht. They don't hit me very oftfn. but when they do they come hard. I had to cn over to the water-cooler and grin Into the tumbler. Then I walks up to the Haron and taps him on the chejtt. "Patchouli, says I, "you come with me. I'll get yo:i a Kg moo outfit that'll aston ish the natives.' y It took me about two hours, rhasin 'him down to the Bureau of Licenses, and huntin up me old aide partner. Jimmy Fftzpatrlck, that's the main guy there. But I didn't grudg the time. Jimmy helped me out a lot. He's a keen one. Jimmy ifi, and when he'd got next he threw in a lot of flourishes just where they was needed most. He never craxked a smile, either, when the Baron tipped him a dime. 1 didn't let loose of Patchouli until I'd seen him stow away that sealed envelope and had put him aboard the ripht train at the Grand Central. Then I went back to the studio lookin so contented that Swifty struck me for a raise. That was on a Monday. Long about Thursday I thought I might get word from Pinckney. or some of 'era; but there was nothln' doin. "Somebody's put Ourly Locks wujc," thinks I, "or else he'a sneaked away to Jump off the dock." I didn't have any one on that afternoon; so I was Just workin' off a little steam on a punchin bag. doing the long roll and a few other stunts. I was getting nicely warmed up, and hittln the balloon at the i rate of about 130 raps a minute, when I j hears somebody break pact Swifty and I roar out: j "Where he is? Let me to him!" j It waa the Baron, his mustache bristlin' j out like a bottle-cleaner, and blood in his eye. "Ha-r-r-r!" stays he, in real heavy villain style. "You make me a Joke, you? j "G'wan!" says T over me ' shoulder, j "You was born a joke. Sit down and coo! off: for it's your next," and with that I i goes at the bag1 again. Say, it ain t much of a trick to flgtrt the bag, y'know. Most any Y. M. C. A. kid can get the knack of catch in It on i hts elbows and collar-bone, makin it drum out a tune like the finteh of & ! Dutch opera. And thaf s about all I was ! doing', only chuckln a few extra pounds j Into it maybe. But tf you don't know ! how easy it is. it looks like a curtain- raiser for manslaughter. And I reckon the Baron hadn't any idea I'd strip as bunchy as I do. Course, there's no teliin just what went on in his mind while he stood there. Swifty says his mouth come open gradual, like a bridge draw that's being swung for a tu-?; and his eyes began, to bug out. and the noble Austrian assault-and- Taking Care of Precious Papers The Declaration of Independence Cannot Be Seen l"ntil 1923. A MESSAGE from the White House a few weeks ago announced that the President had given a permit to a man who wanted to see with hts own eyes the original copy of the Declaration of Independence, or what is left of it. The permit, however, must have died a-bornin. for It did not further material ize. If that permit had been issued and had been presented at the Department of State it would have enabled its holder to have the first view of the Declaration of Independence that has been had since the Spring of 1903. No one has seen the document for five years. It is locked up in a safe in the library of the State Department and not even the official of that department get it out to look at it. Even before 1908 it had been kept In the safe, but it wasToften brought out for ad miring citizens to scrutinize and to ex claim over. Since 1903 the light of day has not fallen on it. There had been too much light of day before that. In fact, there had been too much of a good many things; too much folding, too much rollintg. too much hand ling and. alas! too much stealing of its immortal language by a wet press copy ing operation resorted to in lSiM. This was tried as a means of securing a facsimile copy. It was good enough for the copy, but it was powerfully bad on the original, for It resulted in transfer ring to the copy the ink which belonged on the old parchment itself. Not content with swiping its ink, the Government put the document up on exhibition In a nice, bright light, so that visitors could de cipher the traces of Ink which remained. For 30 years the Declaration of Inde pendence hung in the light, and the long er it hung there the more necessary the light became, for the ink that was left grew paler and paler until it was hard to make out any of the signatures except the big black name of John Hancock. Finally It became evident that if any thing except the parchrrtent was to be left the document would have to be kept In the dark. So it went into retirement into the safe, being brought out only upon special re quest. In 1903 the late John Hay, then Secre- ; tary of State, appointed a committee to! J- i ... . - ' baUery blood faded out of his faie same's the red does in one of Belasco's sunsets. And pretty soon, when I thought my litilr grand stand pluy'd had a chance to sink in. I throws a good stifT one Into the tag, ducks from under, and turns, around to sing Tut "Next!" to the Baron. But he wasn't in sight. Pinckney was there, thouch, and Sadie behind him, hotii lookin' wild. "Hello!" say. I. "Where's Patchouli? He was anxlotm to en mn a minute ago.' "He seemed anxious njt to, when ho passed its on the stairs just now," sa Ptnckne-f. "Did he leave ny word?" sys T. "He Just snid 'Br.h!' and jumped into a cab," says Pinckney. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" any a Sad! a. "V hat. him?" says I. "Not that I know about. But I've ot this to tell you. Mrs. Xlpworthy: Tf yuu put any hish value on, your new steady, you'd better chase him off this reservation." "Why, Shorty MeCabe." says she. takln' me by the shoulders and turniu' them blue eyes of hers straight at me. "My new steady? That -that woolly-haired freak? Say, you could have slipped me Into th-a penny slot of a gum machine. (h, fudge! Piflle! Splash! It's a wonder when I w alk I don't make a noise like a sponge I take some things In o ey. la it curious my head never aches? Pinckney sees how bad Z was feel in', and he cuts in to tell me how things had worked out. And say. do you know what that Patchouli had done? After I left him he goes back tickled to death, and waits for an openin'. Th-. n, one night when they was havin a big hunt ball. or some kind of -swell Jinks, he tolls Sadie into frtre paimroorn, drops to the mat on his knees, and tires off that twln-atar-luft speech, beggin' her to fly wtth him and be lti'n. As a cap per he digs up that envelope, to show h-r there needn't be any hitch in the pro gram m-?. "What's this?" says Sadie, making a sudden grab and gettin the goods. With that she lets go a string of giggles and streaks it out into the ballroom. "It is the document of our marriage" says the Baron, makin' a bold bluff. "Oh, is It?" says she, openin the thing up, and reading it off. "Why, Baron, this doesn't give you leave to marry any one," says Sadie, "this is a peddler's license, and here's the badge, too. If you wear this you can stand on the corner and sell shoe laces and coliar buttons. I'd advise you to go do it." It was while the crowd was howlln' and plnnin the fakir's tag on him that he. began to froth at the mouth and tell how he was comln down to make mincemeat of me. 0 ''That's why we. followed him," says Plnckney "to avert bloodshed. "If he had so much as touched you. Shorty." says Sadie. "I would have spent my pile to have had him sent up for life." "Oh, It wouldn't have cost that much," says I. "With me thlnkin the way I did then, maybe there wouldn't hava been a whole lot left to send." Ah, look away! I ain't teliin' what Sa die did next. But say, she's a hummin' bird, Sadie is. (Copyright by th A-sftoetate Sunday Maga- ' linea. Inc.) examine the condition of the Declaration and to recommend what should be done to preserve It. The committee found it creased and bereft of its Ink, but they were "pleased to find no evidence of mould or other disintegrating agents.' They recommended that the document be kept dark and dry, and their recommen dation has been religiously followed. The original parchment was photo graphed in 3883 and again in 1903. The committee recommended that it be photo graphed again from time to time. The present indications are that It will not be seen until perhaps another 30 years haa gone by and the time comes, in 1923, for taking another photograph. In the safe with the Declaration of In dependence reposes 'also the original copy of the Constitution of the United States. It is not on exhibition, but If doubt us to Its existence continues to grow It may be produced to set such fears at rest. Thefe is nothing the matter with the Constitution: that is to say, not with th document itself. The Ink is all rhjht. the provisions clear so far as the writing goes. It fa shut up in the safe to pre serve it from the fate of the Declaration. Flower o' Madonna. "Mother, mother I dreamed a drenm iat niprht! A dream of beauty and loveliness bright. Oh. I dreamed that you were a iwe-t ro tree. The pride of a garden ail fair to "Nay, child, but a common thorn brake am I. And far from the eyes of the world I lie." "Mtther. mother I dreamed a dream last nightl A dream of rapture and Joy and deiljrht. Oh. 1 dreamed that J was the roe that rrew All white and stainless at the heart of you." "Kay, little child, thou art but meadow flower. And I shelter you safe from th wind each hour." "Mother, mother I dreamed a dream last night! A dream of terror and crief and of fricht. I dreamed that the Winter with icy breath. From thy trembling bough hurled me down to death " "Hush thee, child, whatever the blast may 1 bring. After black Winter ahall blow the green Spring!" K'Jward Wilbur Mason In the National Magazine.