5
-THE
OJV
PROFESS OR SHORTY MSCABE REIATES A ROMANTIC INCIDENT IN NEW YORK XIFE '
BYSEWELIFORD
'HI'
... - 1. .1 Tl.. . I
i I r'!.t. Tlr' 1" T wrmt !
1 f .. !n i.r ny
I mi'. H;y. If
I'll Kft to be
prtrp'.. tAt
c of t!:ir nrvo:i
lihr,i without
li!f ttyln. -"ir-. i m
JuM wvuli irln' fr.mi tli ! ,n'
Mnvr? Nnw make a K"
Wiil. It
wa till tv. 1 wap
In the front office, rea
;tin r'S'i-. n.r.
, n' ti pportin'
KJ-,
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1
THE SUNDAY OREGON! AX. PORTLAND. APRIL 20, 1HOS.
ffl)W MET TAQGEB
i.fT. a-ir! In 1nrtj .Inn:' ' i-mn.ls of
iirrrio par kuKi
1 ii.ro waa a fnrolsn Ial'-1 n It. all
rittnt. "t 1 didn't kow until lMr that
It -.:). "Miiilc In Ain'ru." Ho w a
hn fv aeri "f r"t. ltT not mil. h r,-k
to oak ft. ami onovisri rurlv bl' k
Milr to tihltiKlR a Kr. n. h poo.-Uc. M
. II rulorod. too nnt oars,
ilon't It. t'i iinfirl h.-alth tliat a ated
tn tnnio of lhep for Itc-ior-
Hut wliat takoa my most was hla
trniiso-ii. S.iyt ho wb !r''M to llio
ntlnutf, from the pi In hla button lio'e
to llso nnthor-of -p n-1 (t!ovf!; bti.1 t'le
l.a. k of hla fro It i o.it n ln--urv
an-'h ti your forty-fat alatira liroam
about. Why, as far aa lin.a waul. h
lia.1 Jimmy Hmkrtt and IJobTt Man
tni on tho ba.k ahclf. Oh, l.e m a
cruahpr. juiro!
"I have tho purpnac finding Prof-rca-iFur
M.-Calliy." aays he. rcadlnn it
off'n a card. .
"If you mt:an Mo"atx" a;tya 1. "I'm
fl l-ovrri."
la it tliat you are also by the name
of iiortt'c?" taya he.
"Shorty for hort." nayH I. "ami 1'. ".
P. on the rnd to It-npthen it out
rtiyslral Culture Iiiroitor. that stands
for. Now, do you want my thumb
print, and a snapshot of my family
trro?" That seemed to stun him a little; but
he revived after a minute. threw out
. hen. lirtrd his t-tlk lid. and says,
solemn aa a new nomry pnhlio takln'
tho oalh of office: "I am Huron Pnu-b-nult."
"You look II." says I. "Have a
rhnlr."
"I am." says he. gettln' a fresh start.
"Haron PatrhonUI, of Parmstadt and
iis.ldorf."
".Ml rlsht." savs I. "take the settee.
How are all the folks at home?"
Im say. there t-a n't ar.y use .tryin'
to jolly lil in Into tr.akln' a sliort cut of
I. He d (lot hl. routof para lc all
(lUnned out and he meant to stick by
It.
"I'Tofesseur JloCaohy " sa s he.
"1'on't." sa's I. "You make me feel
ike I d hern trnnslated into Kronch and
.vms runniT'qr a litickllne. ('till It Mc
.'iihe a-b-e. ahe."
"tine thousand pardons." sas lie, and
tries aeain. Tl:l time he rets it al
most, and I lets him spiel away. Oil,
mama! hut I wish I could say It the
wh.v he did! It would li t me on the
Proctor circuit, if 1 could. But boiled
down and skimmed, it was all about
how I was a kind of safety-deposit
vault for t'VcrytlilnK lie had to live
for.
"My hopes, my fortune, my happi
ness, the very breath of my living, it
Iff all with you," says he as a wind-up,
hittln' a t'aruso poso. arms out, toes in,
and his breath coniin' hard. (
lloiv was that for news from home?
I did some swift siirmisin". and then X
lavs, soothln like: "Yes, I know; but
don't take on about it so. They're all
rlkrht. Just as you handed 'em orer;
only I asked my friend the Sarpe to
lock 'em up till you called. We'll walk:
around and spe the Sartre r!rtt away.
"Ah!" says he, battin his noble
brow, "you do not comprehend. You
make to laugh. And me. 1 come to you
from the adorable- Sadie."
"Sadie." says I. "Sadie Sullivan that
was?"
I was teliin' you about her. wasn't
1? the girl I used to know when her
mother ran a prune dispensary, and
that married Into the Pipworthy
Drowsy Drops family just in time to
connect with a mournln' outfit aurt a
bunch of money that would start a
Broadway bank. Yes, that one. And
you remember how me and Plnckney
landed her in the swell push and Bot
h r headed up Newport way?
"Tf you've (rot credentials from
Sadie." sins I, "it's all right. Now,
what doing? Does she want me to
match samples, or show you the sights
along tlie White Ijine?"
"Ah. the adorable Sadie!" says he.
rollin' his eyes and puffin' out his
cheeks like he was tryin' the lung
tester "I drive with her. 1 sit by her
side one day. two day. a week. "Well,
what happens? I am charm. I am fas
cinate, 1 am become her slave. 1 make
to resist. I say to myself: 'You! You
are of the noble Austrian blood; tha
second cousin of your -.mother Is a
grand duke; you must not forget.
Tlien again I see Sadie. Poutf! I have
no longer pride; but 1 only luff. It is
enough. 1 ask of her: 'Madam Deep
worth, where is the father of your
She say he is not. 'Then the uncle of
you?' I demand. She say: 'I'm shy on
uncles.' 'Hut to who, then." I usk,
'must t declare my honorable passion'.
'Oh.' she say, 'tell it to Shorty MeCabe.'
Ha! 1 leap. 1 hound! I go to M. Tinck
ney. "Tell me. I say. 'where is to be
found one Shorty MeCabe? And he
sends me to you. I am come."
Hn the level, now, it went like that.
Maybe I've left out some of the frills,
but that was the groundwork of his
reniarlvs.
"Yes," says I, "you're a regular come
on. 1 rucss the udorablo Sadie has
handed you a Josh, site's equal to It."
But that got by him. He just atood
there, teeterin up and down on hl
patent leathers, and grinnin' like a
monkey.
"1 say," says I. "she's run you on a
sldln'. dropped you down a coal-hole.
Do you get wise?"
Did he? Not so you would notice it.
Ho goes on grinnin' and teeterin'. like
he was on exhibition in a museum and
I wai tiie audience. Then he gets a
view of himself in the Elws over the
safe there, and begins to pnt down his
astra.-han that. h. and punch up liis
puff tie. and dust of; his collar. Ever
see one of thes. peroxide" cloak models
doln' a march past the show windows
on her day off? Well, the Baron had
all those motions and a few of his own.
He was ornamental. a!l right, and It
wasn't any news to hini. ettlrer.
About then, though, I begins to won
der If 1 hadn't been a little too sure
about Sadie. There's no tellln', when
It comes to women, you know; and
when It hit me that perhaps, after all.
she d made up her mind to tag this one
from Austria, you could have fried an
cgsr on title anywhere.
"Look here. Patchouli:" says I. "Is
this straight about you and Sadie? Are
you the winner?"
"Ah. the adorable Sadie!" says he.
cumin' back to earth and slappin' his
solar plexus with one hand.
We've covered that ground." says
1. "What 1 want to know is, does she
cotton to you?"
"Cot-ton? Cot-ton?" says he, hump
In' his eyebrows like a French ballad
singer.
'"Are you the fre-mage?" says I. "i5
she a stuck on you as you are on
yourself? Have you made good?"
He must have got a glimmer from
rf""--- i . t-
-.f-5.i. Ill
iivii--' 'Jl .
y - vv Mil
- 'I il - ff
fcIIK HAD THE .LOKCLOST
thftt; for he rolls his eyes pome mor.
breathes once like an air-hrnke b?in'
out out, and says: "Our luff is like twin
stnxs In the -sky each for the other
shlnoH."
"It's as bar! as all that, is ft?" says I.
"Well, all I've not to &y is that I'd
never thouKht it nf Sadie; and if she
nent you down here on approval, you
can tell her I'm satisfied, if ihe is."
1 figured tli at would jar him some,
hut ft didn't. He looked as pleased as
thoutrh J told him lie was the ripest
berry in the box, and before I knew
what w as rum in he had the lons-Iost-hrul
her ta-iitle on me" and was almost
weepin' on niv nr k. -splulteiin' Joy in
seven different kinds of lanftuae. Just
then wifiy .lot- hobs hi
is it,Hd 1"
spri that
throuph the pym door,
gorilla ftrin of Itts. and ducks back.
"Break awayl'ays I. "I don't want
to -spoil the looks of anythin that
Sadie's picked out to frame, but this
thiiiK has gone about far enough. If
you r Rind, and she's glad, then I ain't
pot any kick oomin". Only don't rub
it In." Say. it w as like talkin to a doaf
man. savin' things to the Baron.
"She is mine, yes?" Fays he. "I have
your permission. Professeur MeCabe?"
"Sure," says I, "If she'll have you,
take her and welcome."
Now. you'd thought that would have
satisfied him, wouldn't you? But he
arted like he's got a half-arm Jolt on the
'wind. He 'backed off and cooled down as
if I'd chucked a pail of water over him.
'Well," says I, "you don't want it in
writin'. do you? I'm Just out of permit
blanks, and me secretary's laid up with
& had case of Meirawitis. If X was you,
I'd skip hack and kp my eye on Sadie.
She niic-ht rhanee her mind.
The Baron thought he'd seen a red flag,
though. He put on a worry period that
lasted while you could count SO. Then
he forks out his trouble, "it is not pos
sible that I have mistake. Is it?" says he.
"I am learn that Madam Deepworth is
what you call one heiress? No?"
See? Id been sort of looklu for that:
and there it was, as plain as a real-estate
map of Gates of Paradise. Long Island.
M bein' so free and easy with tollin'
him to help himself had thrown up a
horrible suspicion to him. Was it true
that Sadie's roll was real money, the
kind you could spend at the store? And
say, long's it was up to me to write hen
prospectus, I thought I might as well
make it a good one.
lo you see that movln'-van but
there?" says I. ,
The Baron paw It.
And have you been Introduced toJ
- ;i. iiasrnn a Dig. wrist-size
wad of tens and I'sves.
Oh. he was acquainted, all right.
"Well," says I, "Sadie's got enough of
these put away to fill two carts like
that."
Fetch him? Why, his fTngers almost
burnt a hole through his gloves.
"Ah-h-h!" says he, and takes a little
time out to picture himself dippln into
the family po'ketbook.
Course, it wa'n't any of my funeral,
but when I thinks of a sure-enough live
one, like Sadie, that I'd always supposed
had a head like a billiard table, gettin'
daffy about any such overstuffed frank
furter as this specimen. I felt like some
one had shoved a blue quarter on me.
Worst of it was. I'd held the stej-ladder
for her to climb up where such things
grow.
I was gettin" rawer to the touch every
minute, and was tryin' to -Iiihc up my
mind whether to give the Baron a quick
run down the stairs, or go off an' leave
him to dislocate his neck tryin to see the
small of his back in the mirror; when in
comes Plnckney. with that little sparkle
In liis eyes that I've come to know means
any kind of sport you're a mind to name.
"Hello!" says he. givin the Baron a
hand. "You found him. eh? Hello,
Shorty. Got it all fixed, have you?"
"Say." nays I. pullin Plnckney over by
the window, "did you put this up on
me?"
He said he didn't, honest.
"Then take your fat friend by tho
hand," says I, "and lead him off where
things ain't liable to happen to him."
"Why. what's up. Shorty?" says he.
''Haven't you given him your blessing,
and told him to go In and win?"
"Switch off!" says I. "I've heard
enough of that from the Baron to last
me a year. What's it all about, anyway?
Suppose he has laid his plans to Mizner
izo Sadie; what's he want to come hol
lerin' about it to me for? I'm no mat
rimonial referee, am I?"
1 knew somethin' was ticklin' Ptnck
ney inside; but he put up a front like a
Special Sessions judge. "Baron." says
he. ca'ltn over to Hatchouli, "I forgot to
mention that our friend, the professor,
doesn't understand the European system
of conducting such affairs as thi- It
you'll pardyu nie, I'll make it clear to
him."
Well, he did, and a lot more. It seems
that the Baron was a ringer In the set
where Sadie and Plnckney had been do
ing the week-end house-party act. He'd
been travelin" on that handle of his,
makin' some broad jumps and quick
shift., until he'd worked himself up, from
a visitor's ear-f at a second-rate down
town club, to the kind of folks that quit
New York at Kaster and don't come back
until the snow flies again. They don't
squint loo close at a title in that crowd,
you know.
First thing the Baron hears, of course.
Is about the Drowsy Drop dollars and the
girl that's got 'em. He don f lose any
time after that in makin up to Sadie. He
freezes to her like a Park Row wuxtree
boy does to a turkey dn:m-.stick at a
liuwsies Christmas dinner, and for
e"-C- -1 v .--.;' v
BROTHER TAt'KLK ON ME."
Pinckney and the rest of 'em It was as
good as a play.
"Huh!" says' I. "You're easy pleased,
ain't you? But I want to toll you that
It grouches me a lot to think that Sadie's
fall for any such wad-hunttn party as
that."
"What ho! says Pinckney. "Here's a
complication that we hadn't suspected."
"Mennin" which?" says I.
"Perhaps it would be better to post
pone that explanation," says he; "but I
sympathize with your state of mind.
Shorty. However, what's done is done,
and meanwhile the Baron Is waiting."
"it wouldn't surprise me none," Fays T,
"to hear that that's his trade. But say,
what kind of a steer is it that brings him
to me? I ain't got that straight yet."
Pinckney goes on to say as how the
foreign style of negotiatin' for a girl is
more or less of a business proposition;
and that Sa11e, not havin" any old folks
handy to make the deal, and maybe not
havin' the game clear In her own mind,
shoves him my way, just offhand.
"To be sure." says ? Pinckney, "what
ever arrangements you may happen to
make will not be binding, but they will
satisfy the Baron. So Just act as If you
had full authority, and we'll see if there
are any little details that he wants to
mention.
Sure enough, there was., He handed
'em to me easy; "oh. nice and easy! He
didn't want much for a starter Just a
trifle put within easy reach before the
M.3 .HQ
Entered at 2nd CUu Ma! Matter
Under
Royal
Patronage
EDITORIAL PA STORMS
Ever since we launched our thun
derbolt of the Papacratlc Party, po
litical antiques from the other par
ties have beeh dropping in and lay
Ins strictly fresh advice on our table.
Our reply to them is: "The omelette
can't teach the hen how to lay gs."
V'e are the hen.
Our financial discovery: V "Declare
the American Baby on a par with
gold'" has fired the country. The
White House has telegraphed: "Con
gratulations: You are herewith the
most useful citizen of the United
States, vice Jake Rils, retired."
Under these circumstances we hare
decided to nomi
nate ourself for
President and will
conduct our victo
rious campaign ex
clusively through
Pa's Home Com
panion. Our first """ step
when we are inau
gurated will be an
Instantaneous rem
OURSELF.
edy for the present exasperating de
lays in rendering decisions in the
U. S. Supreme Court, by appointing
our trusted companion and friend. T.
Roosevelt. Chief Justice, with the
motto: "Decisions on Everything At
Once'"
We call on all Pas to work for Us
and the Republic! Down with Ma
Domination? Down with Changes in
Fashion! Down with King Alcohol
Under, our administration we. guar
antee less work and more wages.
No Promise of Prosperity is Genu
ine without Our Signature.
LIBRARIES!
LIBRARIES!
An unexampled op
portunity to obtain se
lections from a splendid
modern line, only slight-
,TbooTk shop-worn.
SUSFIT LIBRARIES!
Uncalled-For Libraries
Must reduce my stock
for the season. Every
thing marked down 25
below cost! Apply
ANDREW CARNEGIE,
Carnegie Heights, N. Y.
t-ONE OF MY
"JVfi Librii Cum DarnhV. ,-authors.
" 4iv, l! .
: l;'L3:A..-:.
BKi01' IIKK TO FLY WITH
knot was tied, a mere matter of ten mil
lion franca.
"No Jims nor Joe&T says I.
The Baron is accustomed to reckoning
in francs," says Pinckney. "Ho means
two million dollars."
"Two million cases?" says I, -catching
my breath. Well, say! I had to take an
other look at him. If I could think as
well of myself as that I wouldn't ask no
bette.
"Patchouli, says I. "you're too modest.
You shouldn't put yourself on the bargain
counter like that."
The Baron looks like I'd said something
to him in Chinese.
"The pro feasor thinks that demand is
quite reasonable, considering all things,"
says Pinckney.
And that went with the Baron. Then
he has to shake hands all round, same's
if we'd signed terms for a championship
go, and him and Pinckney gets under way
for some private high-ball factory over on
the avenue. I wa'n't sorry to lose 'em.
Somehow, I wanted to get my mind on
something else.
Well, I put in a busy mornin', tryin' to
teach blocks and jabs to a couple .of
youngsters that thinks boxin is a kind
of wrist exercise, like piano-playfn', and
I'd got a pound or so off a nice plump old
APRIL 26. 1908
RUMORS
By
OUR RUMORER
It is rumored: .
that the old-established philan
trope, John D. Rockefeller, is about
to endow a $1,000,000 home for aged
and infirm lamp wicks.
that the spring hair cutting re
ports from the agricultural centers
indicate a banner crbp.
that our mammoth circulation Is
growing mammother every day.
that our gifted magazine writers
have never been more successful In
averting millions of readers than at
present.
that there is a growing desire to
find out If j. Uncle Joe Cannon Is
loaded.
that China will soon be Japanned.
'tL CD WANION
THE FATAL EGG; or, A WOEFUL WOOING
.CHAPTER I.
"Help! "Unhand me!"
The livery votce of Willie Colander, the beautiful vest-model. ranj
through the gorgeouff3 corridors of the Hollyhock Apartments.
Scarcely had the cry ceased to vibrate, ere the herculean form of Susan
ndlve, the Lady Chauffeur, flew up the magnificent onyx staircase.
Hurling her heavy diamond brooch at the door, she broke a panel and
sprang through. A startling scene met her gaze.
On his knees was Willie Colander. A tall dark woman stood over htm,'
grasping him cruelly by his delicate wrist.
Even as she leaped. Susan Endive perceived with a pained pang that the
woman was strangely beautiful. She was richly dressed in a royal purple
and. pink near silk gown, trimmed with real Valenciennes Inserted a la
Filet Mignon, and relieved In Gothic mural style with large buttons de
trop.
Yet all the art of a Parisian dressmaker could not conceal a malignant
sneer that distorted her lovely face from her shoulder to her ear
. Just as Susan Endive entered, she beard Willie Colander say In a
trembling but musical voice:
"No! I will not marry you. even though I am poor
but honest and you are the Dukess of Arfenarf! You
may destroy this weak body, but my heart shall remain
faithful In a gentlemanly manner to peerless Susaa
Endive, the Lady Chauffeur!"
A wild, sweet Joy flooded the being of the Lady Chauf
feur at these words. With one wonderful bound she
soared through the air and alighted 11th el y before Willie
Colander's cowardly assailant.
"Ha! exclaimed the Dukess. "What do you wish.'
low-bora she-churl?"
"Listen!" cried Susan Endive. Grasping the other's
Willie colander. eari Bhe drew it toward her and hissed Into It:
"Who took the railroad rebate?" .
Even before her ear had sprung back into its place, the Dukess had
turned as white as the best A No. 1 starch. Her powerless hand released
Willie Colander, who ran to the elegant and commodious Madagascar cosy
corner and. crept-sobbing under the couch.
"Foiled again. I believe!" muttered the Dukess of Arfenarf, pulling her
self hastily together. "Give me five minutes of your valuable time, and
I will confess all and more, too."
"So be It." said Susan Endive. 'But note well, tony and stylish scion
of a haughty race! At the first sign of treachery, your life blood will
splash all over the swell Hammings of this first class, family apartment
house!"
"Follow me!" replied the Dukess.. "We will repair to my suite."
As the Lady Chauffeur turned to go, a smile of she-devllish glee lit up
the otherwise dark features of the female nobleman. "The landlord will
have more than that to repairf" muttered she.
"Hey?" asked Susan Endive.
"Nothing!" replied the Dukess of Arfenarf.
It was not until 15 minutes after they had vanished that the lovely, tear
stained face of the beautiful vest-model emerged from under the couch.
"Oh, Susan, Susan! My beauteous Queen!" he murmured, clasping his
bejeweled white hands.
At this moment the sound of a terrible explosion, was heard.
(This thrilling serial will be continued in our next.)
'" 1'T
HIM ASD BE IIIS'X."
bishop, who comes here for handball and
stunts like that. 1 was still feel in' a bit
ugly and wishin' there was somethhV
sizable around to take it out on, when in
comes Curly tocks and Pinckney again.
"Has he made up his mind that he
wants my wad. too?" says I to Pinckney.
"No," says he. "The Haron has discov
ered that up where Sadie is staying the
law requires a prospective bridegroom to
equip hinuelf with a marriage license. He
thinks he'll get one In town and take it
back with him. Now, as you know all
about such thing. Shorty, and as I ha3
an appointment at KlidO. I'll leave the
Baron with you. So long!" and he gives
me the wink as he slides out.
Say. I had my cue this trip, all right.
I couldn't see Just why it was, but the
Baron had been -passed up to me. He was
mine for keeps. I could hang him out for
a sign, or wire a pan to him. And he was
as innocent, the Baron was, as a new boy
sent to the harness shop after strap oil.
He'd got his eyes fixed on the Drowsy
Drops bank account, and he couldn't see
anything else. He must have sized me up
as a sort of Santa Claus that didn't have
anything to do between seasons but be
good to his kind.
"So you want to take out a license, do
your say I. Mornin' a Mr. Smooth play.
PA SUNSHINE SOCIETY
REPLIES TO
SUFFERERS
- By
Prince de 8atan,
Foreigner: You should take pains
to propose In a loud, distinct tone.
The lady you mention probably said
"No" only because she thought you
were striking for a loan.
.
Fellow-Prince: I am working that'
side of the street myself.
Baron: It isn't necessary to ex
plain that "Chateau" is your lan
guage for "Shanty. She will find it
out for herself
Marchese: All depends on how
you put it. Say that your parents
conduct a well-known public organ.
i .
OH, HOOK AWAYJ I A1XT TKMJV WHAT I1K I10 7ERXT.
"If the profeesor would be o oblige,"
ays he.
"Oh, sure." ay I. "That's my steady
Job. A marriage Urease, eh?"
I had a ntnoteenth-story view of the
scheme he'd built up. He means to go
back heeled with the permit feom me,
with the little matter of the two million
ready all cinchi-d, ttrnt the wrddin' paper
In his insirln pocket. Then he dm the
whirlwind rush at Sdie. and as he dopes
it out to himself, timirin' on what a
crijher he is, ho don't see how he can
loe. And I suppose he thinks he can buy
a marriage license most anywhere, same's
you can a money-ordr.
With thu.t I has a stroke of thousrht.
They don't hit me very oftfn. but when
they do they come hard. I had to cn over
to the water-cooler and grin Into the
tumbler. Then I walks up to the Haron
and taps him on the chejtt.
"Patchouli, says I, "you come with me.
I'll get yo:i a Kg moo outfit that'll aston
ish the natives.'
y It took me about two hours, rhasin 'him
down to the Bureau of Licenses, and
huntin up me old aide partner. Jimmy
Fftzpatrlck, that's the main guy there.
But I didn't grudg the time. Jimmy
helped me out a lot. He's a keen one.
Jimmy ifi, and when he'd got next he
threw in a lot of flourishes just where
they was needed most. He never craxked
a smile, either, when the Baron tipped
him a dime.
1 didn't let loose of Patchouli until I'd
seen him stow away that sealed envelope
and had put him aboard the ripht train
at the Grand Central. Then I went back
to the studio lookin so contented that
Swifty struck me for a raise.
That was on a Monday. Long about
Thursday I thought I might get word
from Pinckney. or some of 'era; but there
was nothln' doin.
"Somebody's put Ourly Locks wujc,"
thinks I, "or else he'a sneaked away to
Jump off the dock."
I didn't have any one on that afternoon;
so I was Just workin' off a little steam
on a punchin bag. doing the long roll and
a few other stunts. I was getting nicely
warmed up, and hittln the balloon at the
i rate of about 130 raps a minute, when I
j hears somebody break pact Swifty and
I roar out:
j "Where he is? Let me to him!"
j It waa the Baron, his mustache bristlin'
j out like a bottle-cleaner, and blood in his
eye. "Ha-r-r-r!" stays he, in real heavy
villain style. "You make me a Joke,
you?
j "G'wan!" says T over me ' shoulder,
j "You was born a joke. Sit down and coo!
off: for it's your next," and with that I
i goes at the bag1 again.
Say, it ain t much of a trick to flgtrt
the bag, y'know. Most any Y. M. C. A.
kid can get the knack of catch in It on
i hts elbows and collar-bone, makin it
drum out a tune like the finteh of &
! Dutch opera. And thaf s about all I was
! doing', only chuckln a few extra pounds
j Into it maybe. But tf you don't know
! how easy it is. it looks like a curtain-
raiser for manslaughter. And I reckon
the Baron hadn't any idea I'd strip as
bunchy as I do.
Course, there's no teliin just what went
on in his mind while he stood there.
Swifty says his mouth come open gradual,
like a bridge draw that's being swung
for a tu-?; and his eyes began, to bug out.
and the noble Austrian assault-and-
Taking Care of Precious Papers
The Declaration of Independence Cannot Be Seen l"ntil 1923.
A
MESSAGE from the White House
a few weeks ago announced that
the President had given a permit
to a man who wanted to see with hts own
eyes the original copy of the Declaration
of Independence, or what is left of it.
The permit, however, must have died
a-bornin. for It did not further material
ize. If that permit had been issued and
had been presented at the Department of
State it would have enabled its holder to
have the first view of the Declaration of
Independence that has been had since the
Spring of 1903.
No one has seen the document for five
years. It is locked up in a safe in the
library of the State Department and not
even the official of that department get
it out to look at it.
Even before 1908 it had been kept In the
safe, but it wasToften brought out for ad
miring citizens to scrutinize and to ex
claim over. Since 1903 the light of day
has not fallen on it.
There had been too much light of day
before that. In fact, there had been too
much of a good many things; too much
folding, too much rollintg. too much hand
ling and. alas! too much stealing of its
immortal language by a wet press copy
ing operation resorted to in lSiM.
This was tried as a means of securing a
facsimile copy. It was good enough for
the copy, but it was powerfully bad on
the original, for It resulted in transfer
ring to the copy the ink which belonged
on the old parchment itself. Not content
with swiping its ink, the Government put
the document up on exhibition In a nice,
bright light, so that visitors could de
cipher the traces of Ink which remained.
For 30 years the Declaration of Inde
pendence hung in the light, and the long
er it hung there the more necessary the
light became, for the ink that was left
grew paler and paler until it was hard to
make out any of the signatures except
the big black name of John Hancock.
Finally It became evident that if any
thing except the parchrrtent was to be left
the document would have to be kept In
the dark.
So it went into retirement into the safe,
being brought out only upon special re
quest. In 1903 the late John Hay, then Secre- ;
tary of State, appointed a committee to!
J-
i
... . -
'
baUery blood faded out of his
faie same's the red does in one
of Belasco's sunsets. And pretty
soon, when I thought my litilr grand
stand pluy'd had a chance to sink in. I
throws a good stifT one Into the tag,
ducks from under, and turns, around to
sing Tut "Next!" to the Baron.
But he wasn't in sight. Pinckney was
there, thouch, and Sadie behind him, hotii
lookin' wild.
"Hello!" say. I. "Where's Patchouli?
He was anxlotm to en mn a minute ago.'
"He seemed anxious njt to, when ho
passed its on the stairs just now," sa
Ptnckne-f.
"Did he leave ny word?" sys T.
"He Just snid 'Br.h!' and jumped into a
cab," says Pinckney.
"He didn't hurt you, did he?" any a
Sad! a.
"V hat. him?" says I. "Not that I know
about. But I've ot this to tell you. Mrs.
Xlpworthy: Tf yuu put any hish value on,
your new steady, you'd better chase him
off this reservation."
"Why, Shorty MeCabe." says she. takln'
me by the shoulders and turniu' them
blue eyes of hers straight at me. "My
new steady? That -that woolly-haired
freak?
Say, you could have slipped me Into th-a
penny slot of a gum machine. (h, fudge!
Piflle! Splash! It's a wonder when I
w alk I don't make a noise like a sponge I
take some things In o ey. la it curious
my head never aches?
Pinckney sees how bad Z was feel in',
and he cuts in to tell me how things had
worked out. And say. do you know what
that Patchouli had done?
After I left him he goes back tickled
to death, and waits for an openin'. Th-. n,
one night when they was havin a big
hunt ball. or some kind of -swell
Jinks, he tolls Sadie into frtre paimroorn,
drops to the mat on his knees, and tires
off that twln-atar-luft speech, beggin' her
to fly wtth him and be lti'n. As a cap
per he digs up that envelope, to show h-r
there needn't be any hitch in the pro
gram m-?.
"What's this?" says Sadie, making a
sudden grab and gettin the goods. With
that she lets go a string of giggles and
streaks it out into the ballroom.
"It is the document of our marriage"
says the Baron, makin' a bold bluff.
"Oh, is It?" says she, openin the thing
up, and reading it off. "Why, Baron, this
doesn't give you leave to marry any one,"
says Sadie, "this is a peddler's license,
and here's the badge, too. If you wear
this you can stand on the corner and sell
shoe laces and coliar buttons. I'd advise
you to go do it."
It was while the crowd was howlln'
and plnnin the fakir's tag on him that he.
began to froth at the mouth and tell how
he was comln down to make mincemeat
of me. 0
''That's why we. followed him," says
Plnckney "to avert bloodshed.
"If he had so much as touched you.
Shorty." says Sadie. "I would have spent
my pile to have had him sent up for
life."
"Oh, It wouldn't have cost that much,"
says I. "With me thlnkin the way I did
then, maybe there wouldn't hava been a
whole lot left to send."
Ah, look away! I ain't teliin' what Sa
die did next. But say, she's a hummin'
bird, Sadie is.
(Copyright by th A-sftoetate Sunday Maga-
' linea. Inc.)
examine the condition of the Declaration
and to recommend what should be done
to preserve It. The committee found it
creased and bereft of its Ink, but they
were "pleased to find no evidence of
mould or other disintegrating agents.'
They recommended that the document be
kept dark and dry, and their recommen
dation has been religiously followed.
The original parchment was photo
graphed in 3883 and again in 1903. The
committee recommended that it be photo
graphed again from time to time. The
present indications are that It will not be
seen until perhaps another 30 years haa
gone by and the time comes, in 1923, for
taking another photograph.
In the safe with the Declaration of In
dependence reposes 'also the original copy
of the Constitution of the United States.
It is not on exhibition, but If doubt us to
Its existence continues to grow It may be
produced to set such fears at rest.
Thefe is nothing the matter with the
Constitution: that is to say, not with th
document itself. The Ink is all rhjht. the
provisions clear so far as the writing
goes. It fa shut up in the safe to pre
serve it from the fate of the Declaration.
Flower o' Madonna.
"Mother, mother I dreamed a drenm iat
niprht!
A dream of beauty and loveliness bright.
Oh. I dreamed that you were a iwe-t ro
tree.
The pride of a garden ail fair to
"Nay, child, but a common thorn brake
am I.
And far from the eyes of the world I lie."
"Mtther. mother I dreamed a dream last
nightl
A dream of rapture and Joy and deiljrht.
Oh. 1 dreamed that J was the roe that
rrew
All white and stainless at the heart of you."
"Kay, little child, thou art but meadow
flower.
And I shelter you safe from th wind each
hour."
"Mother, mother I dreamed a dream last
night!
A dream of terror and crief and of fricht.
I dreamed that the Winter with icy breath.
From thy trembling bough hurled me down
to death "
"Hush thee, child, whatever the blast may
1 bring.
After black Winter ahall blow the green
Spring!"
K'Jward Wilbur Mason In the National
Magazine.